Session 451 - Wrath of the Glitch King

Date: 5 May 1626

Zenith: Alaunus

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)  

Bonus Shrub

Revealed Backstory:

- Goblinda was a devoted leader to her friends and collaborators in her textile business. Give an order once per round - if they obey they get +2 to the action.

Goblinda's Guild Crest

Events:

--- First We Mine, Then We Craft..

- We return to our heroes as they huddle behind a curtain. The room they just came from is silent, despite the many glitch-dwarves they just fought in there. They peek back and confused glitch-dwarves pop back into existence! Look away, and they're gone.

- They turn and look into the corridors deeper in. A spinning tetrahedron - a d4 - is spasming in the centre of the fork.
- Benito touches it and ZAP! It burrows into his head, and Benito's arms and armour get all square and blocky and glitchy, just like the glitch-dwarves!

--- Two Guards

- There are two directions at the fork. One sounds like people talking, the other has a rustle of cloth. They go towards the cloth sounds and find another hanging curtain, this one has two crosses woven onto it.
- They pull it aside and are confronted with two glitch-dwarf guards in front of a door! One always lies, the other always tells the truth. Benito asks "why tho?" and the dwarves grow larger!
- Masvani tries the door and gets pummelled by a glitch-fist! He manages to spit the blood onto the door though and flash-cast Coffin Knock, opening the door!

- The guards are defeated and shrink away, but not before Benito and Masvani give their shrinking forms a kicking.

--- The Glitch King

- Technically there was a clever trick to that door, but the whole point of Knockspells is overcoming arbitrary door-shaped obstacles!

- Within they find a room of pillars and weird spacial distortions. Rolling towards them is an enormous cube! Each face has a different Dwarven face in a different pixelated style.

- The party bid him halt! They have questions. The Glitch King shall answer.

- It is as Hammer suspected. This "Mountain God" was a fragment of the Old Miner which was ejected for being too buggy, a corrupted shard thrown free before it could corrupt the rest of the whole.

- Benito crouch-jumps at the side of the Glitch King until he clips through into the treasure room. He has time to grab one object (a rifle with a crying dwarf carved on the side) before the exploit is patched out.
- Masvani decides to join the Glitch Religion after hearing that it's about individualistic trendsetters who carve their own path and don't need no man. His Faith Bonus means his weapons gain Glitch until he does the same thing as someone else in a round.

- The Glitch King allows the party to go in peace. His people will let them pass so long as nobody attacks anybody else.

--- The Pointless Maze

- They head back the way they came and try going the other way towards the voices. They come across another glitchy platonic solid (this one an icosahedron - ie. a d20) and Benito grabs that too, spreading the glitchiness to all in the party!
- Each turn has a rustle of cloth or voices just in the next room. Each time they choose the voices, and each time there's some rotating platonic solid. Benito grabs them all and eventually grabs one that cancels all effects.
- Finally they reach... a cafe! Two glitch-dwarves eat scones and argue over whether jam or cream goes first. Benito and Mother Flotsam line up with plastic trays, eyeing up the last slice of red velvet cake.

- Hammer Hatmakerson smashes the cash register, sending cash flying, and the room disappears!

They see favourite returning character
THE MAN OF DIRECTIONS
Welcome back Man of Directions!

- They find themselves where they were at the start of the session, behind the curtain that leads into the room full of glitch-dwarves. This time the Dwarves, when they render in, let them through. Any scion of the Glitch King is a scion of mine!

--- Mt Grumblebelch

- They finally leave and head to Mt Grumblebelch itself. An extremely recent Dwarf Hold by anyone's standards, having been formed as a business venture only a couple of decades after the Poisoned Years.

- It's open and welcoming. The Dwarves all wear classic Dwarf gear, chainmail and axes over leather jerkins. Proper honest Dwarf stuff.

- There is, however, a protest in the cavernous entry hall. Humans from the Nightsoil Guild are complaining. Mt Grumblebelch's current main business is mining out the flesh beneath the Wheatlands (née Meatlands) and replacing it with good, honest stone. The is cutting off the Nightsoil Guilds' access to fertiliser from their bumwells. As the stone comes in, the wells stop producing. It's cutting into their profits!
- Ah well, the politics don't really affect the party. They head to the pub and.. hey! It's a Guido! Looks like he is indeed the bartender at every pub!
- They listen around the pub for rumours:
>> The town of Bell, east of the Broligarchy, is haunted by witches that returned when the forest re-emerged.

>> The denizens of New Moondin will watch any outsider very carefully. Only approach if you know someone there.

>>If your village is under attack, consider giving a tithe to Cutfester. Their grizzled warriors are hardened against Dhargaspawn and more horrors besides.

>>Goblins will listen attentively to anyone who follows the Goblin Religion like me. There's something about their expression that makes me think they're mocking me though...

>>A group of Unorthodox Cultists is roaming the lands, warning of war with the Ayatollah of a far-off empire.

--- Carousing in Mt Grumblebelch!

- Goblinda, Benito, Mother Flotsam, and Hammer decide to get hammered!
>>Goblinda Caroused! +1000 exp
>>Benito Caroused! +4500exp
>>Mother Flotsam Caroused! +4000 exp
>>Hammer Caroused! +500 exp

- Hammer has fallen in love with a "goth baddie" named... Willie Justice?? Can't read the Remembrancer's words sorry! We'll find out tonight I guess.

- Goblinda heads to the kitchen and cooks up "Pot de Peur" consisting of wine, anteater, dinosaur, crab and elk. All claimed from the mysterious Caveman Zone (recap tbc). It's... palatable! But no bonus alas.

- Our heroes settle down in Mt Grumblebelch for the night and have quite a nice sleep.

Total: 7000 exp

Loot:
- Mysterious Crying Dwarf Rifle

Foes:

- The glitch-dwarf guards, technically (150 exp)

Total: 150 exp

OOC:
- Charles the Chronicler (100 exp/level)

- Carter the Expedition Leader (and Artist) (200 exp/level)
- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Zoë the Artist (100 exp/level)

- George the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Hammer Hatmakerson, Level 5 Fighter: 17488 (Level up at 32000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Carter / Masvani-I-Manavi, Level 4 Necromancer: 15874 (Level up at 18000)

- Charles / Benito Brazil, Level 4 Halfling: 14871 (Level up at 16000)

- Kitty / Mother Flotsam, Level 4 Magic-User: 10204 (Level up at 18000)

*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

- Zoë / Goblinda, Level 3 Goblin: 6257 (Level up at 8000)

Session 450 - Glitch Mob

Date: 5 May 1626

Zenith: Alaunus

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)  

 

Revealed Backstory:

- Mother Flotsam blames herself for her child dying too young, which is why she's such a motherly presence on the team. If someone nearby would die, you can take a crit from what killed them instead.

Events: 

--- And We're Back!

- After a Lost Episode in the Liminal Zone (Episode 459.5 coming soon?) wherein much treasure and strange cave-men were fought and befriended, we return to regular programming!
- The party are, via some contrivance, at the foot of Mount Grumblebelch. Before them is the Sepulchre wherein lies the Mountain God. Theorised to be related to the Old Miner by Hammer Hatmakerson, and reportedly served by a small army of Dwarven worshippers.

- Without further ado, they approach. A curtain blocks a cave mouth, upon which is stitched a squareish minecraft-ish looks-a-bit-like-a-dwarf symbol. They approach and from thin air two Dwarves appear, textures shimmering into existence. They have emerald green priestly robes and swords which shiver and jitter.

- They speak the tongue of Ur-Kalladh, common to the Dwarves of Mt Grumblebelch, and despite some initial digital spasms are quite intelligible for those who know the language.
- They offer entry into their holy mysteries for those who wish to partake. Their faith is one of non-conformity. Benito gives one of them a line of Notcoke and dives past, while the rest of the party follow more sedately. Nice chaps really.

--- Cyberattack

- The tunnel inside is smooth-floored but the walls jag and zigzag unnaturally, carved by some weird force. It ends at another curtain with a similar symbol of a Dwarf face. When pulled aside, the Dwarves within load in. They seem to have experienced a discontinuity of consciousness.

- Talks are attempted but denied, there are a number of similar green-robed Dwarfs, who declare that they wouldn't necessarily fight if their priest was defeated. The priest is at the back of the room in resplendent black-soaked green, on his head a helmet containing two rotating six-sided dice on gimbals.

--- Near Impact
- Masvani fishes the leader's hat straight off his head! Whatever mystical power it possessed is unmoored.
- The party rediscover the art of Opportunity Attacks via failed attempts to get past the front row and kill the priest.

- Mother Flotsam casts her new spell - Babbling Curse - on the leader and he begins yammering hypnotically, all who hear him look on in hypnotic shock unless they pass a save. The leader begins speaking of the infinite labyrinth, of conspiracy, of the truth of the world. The party cover their ears, but Hammer is too late and is stunned too!
- Goblinda attacks Hammer to break his curse and it works! Unfortunately this breaks the curse for everyone not just the individual, and the party is now fighting for their lives.
- Goblinda stands tall and Opportunity Attacks all comers, but...
- The vengeful priest strikes Goblinda across the face, leaving a scar down her cheek.
- She staggers back into the glitching sword of a Dwarven attacker, who aims high then glitches and strikes low, ripping through the celery-like tendon that Goblins have instead of a hamstring. Goblinda is down, drawing artistic flourishes in the sap oozing from her xylem.

--- Alas and Alack

- Masvani activates his backstory power and lies (vaguely plausibly) to the priest boss, who vanishes. The few surviving Dwarfs stand down.
- Masvani casts Livor Mortis, counteracting Goblinda's bleeding, while Mother Flotsam performs first aid and closes up her internal bleeding. Benito feeds her a potion of healing and she's out of the woods. The hamstring will take longer to heal.

- They pick Goblinda up and hustle her through the next curtain which is stitched with a sort of square design, coming to an unlit corridor. As the curtain swishes closed behind them, the dwarves within despawn.
- A throwaway line haunts their minds - is this the infinite labyrinth?

Total: 5000 exp

Foes Defeated:
- A fair few glitch-dwarves (450 exp)

- A glitch-priest (100 exp)

Total: 550 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler & Cartographer (200 exp/level)

- Jahms the Expedition Leader (All foes gain 1 level permanently no take backs)

- Charles the Paymaster (100 exp/level)
- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)
- Zoe the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Hammer Hatmakerson, Level 4 Fighter: 15558 (Level up at 16000)

- Carter / Masvani-I-Manavi, Level 4 Necromancer: 14044 (Level up at 18000)

- Charles / Benito Brazil, Level 4 Halfling: 12841 (Level up at 16000)

- Kitty / Mother Flotsam, Level 3 Magic-User: 8374 (Level up at 9000)

- Zoë / Goblinda, Level 3 Goblin: 4527 (Level up at 8000)
*LEVEL UP! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Goblin! +Backstory!