Tuesday, 17 July 2018

Session 189 - Flex/Off

Another big session! Another level is found, frogs are fought, and friends are made with buff unicorn people via the medium of MUSCLE.

POWERLAD makes muscular friends. Zena is unfazed by frogs. Styx is electrifying.
Dumbledorris samples traditional French cuisine. The Witchfinder-Corporal puts up with heresy.

Session 189 - Flex/Off

Campaign Date:
Wednesday, 25 April, 1601
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous
Zodiac: Aries

New Characters:
- The Witchfinder Corporal, an Unorthodox priest from the East whose true name is hidden, carries the accoutrements of a charcoal burner.

Treasure and Equipment:
- A dried fish
- Manacles
- A large tapestry of Terms Termax treating with a massive frog (5000 exp)
Total: 5000 exp

Enemies Defeated:
- 4 unicorn people, out-flexed (1000 exp)
- 4 frog monsters (200 exp)
- 2 vaguely feminine frog monsters (200 exp)
Total: 1400 exp

- Explored 7 dungeon rooms (140 exp)
- 1 random encounter (50 exp)
- First party to enter level 3 of Dwimmermount (300 exp)
Total: 490 exp

- The party is at the bottom of the elevator they managed to enter last session. The doors open… to reveal a man meditating in front of the doors. Henry has returned! In the form of a man calling himself the Witchfinder Corporal. (50 exp)

- Zena pokes him with the butt of her spear and he awakens! He was sent here by the Three Good Gods on a holy mission, and these are the people he was waiting for! He has armoured himself against Chaos with his denomination spell, but can’t cast it on everyone since they’re foolish Termaxians. (50 exp)
- Styx and his goblins arrive too, sliding down the elevator shaft on a sled in a handwavey manner. One of his minions has managed to tap into the power of Apocalypse Dragon Shamash (see attached document for how that happened!) (50 exp)

--- Terrarium Testing
- Beyond the Witchfinder Corporal, who is brushing dust from his clothes, is a long wide corridor. Terrariums (terraria?) are built into the walls, whatever grew within them is long dead. The ceiling above has clear panels spaced every few metres, and angel-style pipes and ports can be seen built into the walls. (50 exp)
- The party goes forward, finding a couple of doors facing each other across the corridor. The doors are both a sort of opaque frosted glass. (50 exp)

- POWERLAD tries to smash open a terrarium and finds that it’s a sort of thick transparent material, closest modern analog: perspex. It takes a bit more work to smash than glass, but with a bit of effort they crack it open! (50 exp)
- The soil inside is rich and fertile, so POWERLAD bends a Make Plants glyph to create a whole little field of daisies and dandelions. He gives a dandelion to Andromeda who is confused and delighted! (50 exp)
- Soon after, a faint hum coming from the walls builds up and sparks of static crackle off people’s armour! Suddenly anyone wearing metal is smashed into the nearest wall! Those afflicted are stuck fast until the hum fades half a minute later. (50 exp)
- Zena, rubbing the side of her head, theorises that it might have had something to do with breaking the terrarium. She’s wrong, but it’s a good theory. (50 exp)
- Zena carefully listens through the door on the left and hears nothing… except for a loud SCCHHHHH sound as the door slides open! The Witchfinder-Corporal touched the door to open it, he don’t care. (50 exp)
--- Darkness and Light
- The room has four pillars in it, two of them a white alabaster colour and the other two a dark black basalt. There’s a large terrarium on the back wall, and the room connecting to this one is pitch black. (50 exp)
- Zena heads into the dark room and finds it’s a supernatural darkness - no light can enter this place. Luckily she’s got her true sight glasses! She puts them on and sees the walls are lined with a list of names. (50 exp)
- They start with “Ave Claudius” in biggest letters, then go down through Ave Nero, Ave Galba, and so on until they end at Ave Theodosius with the name underlined. Zena searches for secret doors and finds none. (50 exp)
- The Witchfinder-Corporal goes to experiment with the pillars, discovering that touching the two white pillars turns off the supernatural darkness, and touching the two black pillars turns it back on. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD adds “Ave POWERLAD” to the end of the list of names. The Witchfinder-Corporal adds a shit joke which thankfully went unrecorded. Carving said joke ruins the charcoal scoop he was using as a weapon. (50 exp)
- The party experiment with the pillars, finally pressing all 4 at once and creating an intense flickering light show as the darkness field flicks rapidly on and off! That’s fun. (50 exp)
- Styx is enthused by the concept of magnetism and keeps asking around for POWERLAD to tear the stone from the walls so he can get a look at whatever’s behind it. POWERLAD’s too distracted though. (50 exp)
- Zena leaves the room and crosses to the other door… she can hear loud breathing and suddenly a loud SCCHHHHH sound as the Witchfinder-Corporal opens the door on her again! (50 exp)
--- Unicorns!
- Zena looks up to see a wondrous sight. Beautiful, glistening, androgynous figures rippling with muscle, each with a unicorn’s head. They stand over the corpses of recently killed frog monsters, holding huge axes with sensuously curved heads. (50 exp)

(They should be more swole... and have less terrifying expressions)

- Zena offends them immediately, assuming their gender and then when they seem angry making a “woooah now boy” noise like you’d make to a horse. They charge! (50 exp)
- Zena prepares for battle… until POWERLAD leaps forward! He stares down the lead unicorn person and flexes. (50 exp)
- The unicorn people stop… the lead one puts its axe on its back and flexes too! (50 exp)
- A tense flex off ensues. POWERLAD beefs his muscles with the Size powers, muscles straining… and the unicorn person breaks first! They gasp and break their pose, admitting defeat at the muscles of the powerful lad before them! (50 exp)
- “I yield! I yield!” The unicorn people have been suitably impressed. The lead one introduces themselves as Desert Storm’s Think. Their compatriots are Velvet Chad, Colours of The, and the somewhat less buff than the rest Dylan who often “happens” to skip leg day. (50 exp)
- Conversation ensues. They are exploring this level on behalf of their brethren, other unicorn people developed to be the perfect beings. What could be more perfect than a human combined with the perfect beast- a unicorn? Alas, beings yet more perfect exist on an upper level. (50 exp)
- They have been killing these monstrous frogs who descend from the level above, and they’re at war with the disgusting Ratmen who infest this floor. They’ve been exploring to see if they can expand their influence to take over this whole level on the orders of their leader Paladine. (50 exp)
- They’ve heard nothing about the apocalypse outside, but they do know that the dungeon level above has a whole reservoir of unrefined Azoth somewhere in it. That’s probably what the frogs are after. (50 exp)
- While this has been going on, Dumbledorris has been consuming a frog monster to gain its incredible jumping abilities and Styx has gathered some of their paralytic venom. (50 exp)
- The unicorn people agree to lead the party to the stairs upwards to where the frog monsters are coming from, and so they continue on. (50 exp)
- They pass through a room with some floating orbs further in - “Don’t go near those dude, Dylan got zapped and missed like 3 leg days” and tell everyone to just close their eyes in the next - “don’t look at the pictures man that’s where Dylan missed his other leg days”. (50 exp)
- The Witchfinder-Corporal declares that his faith is TOO STRONG for such trickery and looks at the images anyway - a regressing and refracting series of shapes that forms animals and plants and objects, a pareidolic infinity. His mind is overloaded… and he can nearly just nearly see the very face of God. (50 exp)
- Dumbledorris, making sure to look down, crash-tackles him juuuust before he was about to have an epiphany! He lashes out ineffectually and she carries him onwards, smacking his head into walls “accidentally”. (50 exp)
--- Sexy Frogs
- They soon reach a last door and the unicorn people warn the party that there are seductive demons on the other side. “Good luck bros” they say as they head off. (50 exp)
- Zena’s true sight glasses will surely see through this seductive trickery! She opens the door, steps inside, and is immediately struck by many sticky tongues! (50 exp)
- It’s fucking nothing. She parries and returns with her super Fighter powers! Three are thrown off. The fourth reaches her and bites into her arm, but its paralyzing venom is ineffective. (50 exp)
- A scent reaches her nostrils, a smell of musky sweat and a lover’s hair. Despite her ambivalent sexuality it gets through to her, and the first boy she ever loved steps into the light. In her goggles it’s a tall vaguely feminine frog shape, but surely that image is the lie. (50 exp)
- Styx chucks some goggles of his own to POWERLAD - a thin layer of Azoth trapped between crystal lenses. It only shows non-magical things! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD resists the pheromones, his mind filled with Bertha and perhaps a little seditious edge of Andromeda, and heaves into the female frog monster, killing it instantly with a mighty smash of his hammer! (50 exp)
- Dumbledorris runs in to assist and really completely does not give a shit about the pheromones. She’s too young to have a childhood crush. She murders the weakened frog monsters with quick strikes from her sticks. (50 exp)
- Styx and his goblin minions are busy drawing runes onto the moist floor, there’s a thin layer of water coming down the stairs and spreading across the floor… so this electricity glyph is going to be crazy. (50 exp)
- He gets his Marduk-worshipping minion to fast-cast it and is amazed by the results! Most of the still living frog monsters are fried, along with most of the rest of the party. (50 exp)

- The last female frog monster tries to flee, running up the stairs, but Dumbledorris isn’t letting that happen! She charges her frog jump power and blasts up the stairs after her, catching her partway up and beheading her with a mighty swing! (50 exp)
- She immediately collapses into a meat puddle around the creature’s body, digesting that sweet sweet pheromone ability. She’s gonna be a man eater… (50 exp)
- The bodies are looted and a few bits are found - some sort of dried fish and some manacles and not much else. The party gathers frog legs and cooks them with a fire rune for food. (50 exp)
- Meanwhile, Styx gets his minion Break to cast a Take Decay glyph and use it on the large tapestry in the room. Restored to its former glory, the tapestry shows a very noble Terms Termax summoning forth a great frog beast with one hand and offering the other hand to it in friendship. (50 exp)
--- The Way Home
- The Witchfinder-Corporal insists on checking out what’s up the stairs, luckily Dumbledorris is done digesting in time! (50 exp)
- Up the stairs they find a pillared chamber with a corpse in it. Nothing seems immediately threatening and people are feeling a bit low on health so it’s decided to head back to the safety of Randy’s cave. (50 exp)
- They head back to the lift, thankfully not stumbling upon any more threats, and head back up to the main floor. The Witchfinder-Corporal realises that Dumbledorris is a demon and promises her “I’ll kill you last” (50 exp)
- Styx grabs a sample of the green slime that converts stuff it touches into more of itself as they go, while others help lug the massive tapestry of Terms Termax and the frog beast to their room. (50 exp)
- Soon after reaching Randy’s room they realise they can hear angels singing outside. Since Flaming Fury is presumably here, she tells everyone that the singing says “-- Third Strike Ready -- Request Confirmation -- Third Strike Ready -- Request Confirmation --” (50 exp)
- Styx gives the Witchfinder-Corporal some leather armour and a sword. Finally he is equipped! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD forbids Styx from meddling with his dreams after hearing of how he managed to connect a minion to the red Apocalypse Dragon, to grumbles from Styx. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD closes up the entrance to the rest of the dungeon by shaping the stone as is now usual, and the party rest up for further delves in the morning… (50 exp)
Total: 2650 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Long Deliberation bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Mad Inventor bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Puzzlemaster bonus (50 exp)
- Trapsetter bonus (50 exp)
Total: 750 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Carter / Styx - 100 exp)
- Caller (Suzie / Dumbledorris - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Charles / Zena - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Charles / Zena - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Henry / Witchfinder-Corporal - 100 exp)
- Guard (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Henry / Witchfinder-Corporal - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Suzie*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Charles, Kitty, Henry - 500 exp ea.) - Art Attack bonus (Charles, Carter - 100 exp ea.) - Fiction Fanatic bonus (Carter - 100 exp)
Active Businesses:
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1020sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey Healing 4 U (Co-dependent businesses)
--- Honey Healing. Safe. 1084sp. (Bertha)
--- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 10410sp. (Sir Robyn)


Death Toll and Injuries:

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / High Priest POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 122021 (Level up at 144000)
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 10 (-50% exp)
--- Andromeda, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 8876 (Level up at 9000)
---- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 5 (-25% exp) ---- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 2 (-10% exp)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 50367 (Level up at 64000)
- Carter / Styx, Level 6 Goblin: 49893 (Level up at 64000)
--- Styx's minions, Level 0 Goblin Buddies
- Suzie / Dumbledorris2, Level 4 Inheritor: 9974 (Level up at 18000)
*DING!* +1d6! +1 Mutation Capacity! +2 Meat Points! +backstory! - Henry / Witchfinder-Corporal, Level 3 Cleric (Unorthodox): 4655 (Level up at 7000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 level 1 spell/day! +backstory!

Absent or Retired:
- Ollie / Flaming Fury, Level 4 Dwarf: 17257 (Level up at 17600)
---- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
- Ollie / Synthia, Level 5 Inheritor: 24639 (Level up at 36000)
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 2 (-10% exp)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 6 Termaxian Cleric: 52811 (Level up at 56000)
--- 4 Henchmen Undeserving of Names, Level 0 Bootlickers
- James / Ratimir, Level 6 Ratman: 31216 (Level up at 48000)
- Timothy / Spider Squad, Level 4 Spider Extras: 7366 (Level up at 12000)
- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 6 Magic-User: 60599 (Level up at 72000)
- Elias / Raivo, Level 1 Barbarian: 938 (Level up at 2000)
- Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers, Level 3 Extras: 5598 (Level up at 6000)
- Andrea / Marjorie, Level 1 Halfling: 1111 (Level up at 2000)
- Fraser / Mori, Level 5 Elf (Worriganger): 24025 (Level up at 48000)
- Issy / Sturdy, Level 2 Dwarf: 3596 (Level up at 4400)   
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)