Session 410 - The Dwarves are Real!

Date: 3rd June 1625

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Dispater

New Characters:

- Sulphur, the spirit-combination of Sophia and Bulgur, the first and only Rotting Fist Wizard!

Revealed Backstory:

- Sulphur resurrected themselves into a new form through sheer WILL and sheer MUSCLE! It was the best moment of their life (and only) moment of their life so far. +2 to actions taken whilst alone.

Events:

--- Handy Artifact

- We return to the party in the aftermath of the previous boss battle. Sulphur, newly born from the body of a recently deceased Necromancer and the soul of long-dead Sophia, surveys the destruction.
- Luckily for our new Necro-Muscle hybrid, the dead Necromancers have a variety of spellbooks ready to be seized. Sulphur riffles through them, finding the secrets within. He also collects reagents from the dead.

- Zeppelino, meanwhile, is running around with a box dripping with gore, placing fresh hands inside, and healing everyone up with that dark artifact. His hands itch, and something moves under the velvet lining...
- Alarms peal, the doors lock, but they're otherwise unaffected. There are rats around here, as evinced by the way rats keep returning to Manrat Snels.

--- Funeral in the City THAT CRAWLS

- Manrat suggests taking Bulgur's body back up to give him a funeral. He was a good companion, a real rock for the team, and so all agree to blow their cash on raucous revelry! Trouble is, you can only really do a funeral in a city.
- Manrat has a counterpoint - is not Graktil the Megascorpion known as the CITY THAT CRAWLS??
- They return to Graktil, which even now rests on the pentagonal upper surface of buried Ur-Jeizhek. Manrat approaches, Bulgur in his arms, and Graktil's cephalothorax lowers to allow its pirate-king inside.

- Bulgur finds Julgoor's mask and turns it around, speaking the demon's name. Lo! Julgoor is summoned!

- Julgoor agrees to become a permanent fixture within Graktil! He will act as the onboard shopping mechanic, however he can only sell things that are small enough to be extruded from the mouth of his mask-face. He slorps the obols from Bulgur's corpse and licks them back onto Manrat's palm.
- While shopping commences, Manrat is busy organising the winged blue goblins to help convey the great and the good of Drudgespar above to Graktil down below. Bulgur was a known hero, the Upwards Plummeter, and many higher-ups and Blue Goblin notables are stoked to attend.

--- Out with the Old

- It is time for the funeral.
- Manrat covers the corpse in treasures to be taken to the afterlife (and/or unfortunate victims of the siege cannon).
- Maxwell puts on a huge buffet of Bulgur's favourite foods - primarily philly cheese steak since it contains glutenous bread, cheese, and meat.
- Zeppelino funds an open bar.
- As the guests watch on, Bulgur's corpse is reverently lowered into the radioactive torpedo tube on Graktil's stinger, there for his body to break down and become fuel for the siege cannon.

- As the body is interred, Manrat slips Bulgur's bandana off his corpse and wraps it around his own head. He is, as was promised by Bulgur, the new King of the Wheatlands!

- The next morning, dealing with sore heads but otherwise fine, our heroes return to the dungeon. They number Zeppelino and his goblin entourage, Manrat and his rodents, Maxwell and his maps, and the still-newly-reborn Sulphur.

--- Charles' Spit-Take

- They descend at speed, following known routes, until the reach the boss room once more.

- The descend again. It's another waiting room, but this has the vibe of the waiting room corral in the airport that's just before boarding and has like 1 out-of-order disabled toilet and a vending machine.
- There's Dwarven voices, from a nearby room, but nobody here understands Ur-Jeizhek.

- Manrat sends in a rat to check. There's a sound of alarm, then delight, then a tiny cracking sound as its neck is broken. Manrat lights up a Red-Eye Cigarette and surveys with infravision - there are Dwarves in there alright!
- Zeppelino kicks in the door. Should have been locked but these folks weren't careful. In the light of his torch he sees Dwarves hunched around a table, moving figures, braille rulebooks in their hands. They turn at the disturbance!
- "Ayy, Goblingas!" they yell in a silly voice! Charles barely avoids spraying his mouthful of water across the table! Battle is joined!

--- Runic Rumble

- The Dwarves broadly evade most of the onslaught of gunfire and arrows, unclasping their axes and instantly lighting the glyphs upon them! They're all Turn-Fire axes, and the flickering light of the flames reveals that floor-mounted repeating crossbows are mounted near the murderhole windows into the waiting room!
- Manrat's rats swarm into battle, taking over a Dwarf in short order. Zeppelino runs to a mounted repeater and starts firing into the crowd.
- Sulphur charges into battle and beheads a Dwarf in one swing of his axe, simultaneously slurping up the Last Breath that gutters from the corpse's lungs. Bellowing with the Voice of the Dead he takes a handful of teeth and punches it into the chest of the closest Dwarf. It explodes, wiping out a swarm of nearby rats, and blows the Dwarf to pieces.

- Another Dwarf, nearby, is strafed by Zeppelino on the repeater crossbow.

- Two Dwarves remain, and Maxwell kung-fu kicks one into the other. The blowback throws him into a goblin (crushing it) but kills the Dwarf. The remaining goblins flow in with spears and pierce the last Dwarf in multiple places.

--- Remains

- They investigate the table these Dwarves were hunched over. If only they'd been able to speak the language, this is some sort of tabletop role-playing game called Humans & Hamlets!

- Zeppelino nicks the stone books and game pieces. Maybe he'd be into this?

- Sulphur extracts teeth for that (very effective) teeth bomb while the others have a look at the Dwarves' axes. Maxwell recognises these runes - Turn-Fire on Saviourbone-imbued metal. Very fancy.
- Sulphur copies the rune onto his hammer, the others distribute the axes. Zeppelino and Maxwell take one each, and Zeppelino discovers that a couple of his goblins have just enough of a soul to actually power these things!

- Zeppelino heals people with his hand-box. At some point it feels like a hand under the velvet is trying to squeeze his hand back, straining to intertwine its fingers...

--- Bro We Cooked

- Finally they check the Dwarves' gaming table and discover snacks! Rat jerky, cheetos, twiglets, and a cursed jar of Smarties where 5% of them are M&Ms, clearly the work of a cruel and insane wizard.
- They cook up an astonishingly bland meal of "Gamusfulen", Ur-Jeizhek for Gamer Fuel, made from Rat, Cheeto, Mushroom and Potato. It's not great, but it's calories the body craves during a long gaming sesh!

Total: 8000 exp

Funeral Rites:

- Manrat donated 20 000 obols (20 000 exp)

- Sulphur donated 1000 obols (1000 exp)

- Zeppelino donated 2000 obols (2000 exp)
- Maxwell donated 567 obols (567 exp)

Foes Defeated:

- A gaming group of Ur-Jeizhek Dwarves (300 exp)

Total: 300 exp

Loot Looted:

- Various Gamer Foodstuffs (20 exp)

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster and Chef (300 exp/level)
- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Cartographer (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 106321 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 85523 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 7 Specialist: 60280 (Level up at 112000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 4 Rotting Fist Wizard: 9142 (Level up at 18000)
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

Session 409 - Last Gasp, First Breath

Date: 27th May 1625

Moon Phase: New Moon

Moon Face: Pocked Face

Zenith Deity: Deusix (Red)

Events:

 

--- Higher-Lower-Middle Cultist Guthrie Clamps

- Bulgur is in a glass walkway looking into a large waiting area containing many Necromancers and skeletons and zombies. One sits on a throne of bone, huge leprous monster at his back, and stretches out a lazy hand. "Attack!"

- Bulgur rushes in with a smile on his face.

- Elsewhere, the others are cutting their way through a maze of velvet ropes on the way to Bulgur's location in the boss room. We make up a gimmick on the fly which means they'll take a few rounds to arrive after hearing Bulgur's battle cry. Alas, it's going to be too late.

- Bulgur runs straight for the boss - Higher-Lower-Middle Cultist Guthrie Clamps on his bone throne. He swigs his Potion of Extra-Healing, swings, and... the Bone Throne itself animates and gets in the way!
- Bulgur puts his back into it and SHATTERS the Bone Throne in a single blow! Guthrie himself yells out as he hits the ground, right under the feet of his leprous beast.

- The lesser Necromancers prepare spells and the Dead minions surge in to attack. Bulgur is in his element and hefts his axe at the leprous beast which... vanishes.
- "Bheinid yhou" it says, and deals one, two devastating blows to Bulgur's kidneys which send him blasting into the wall. It leaves a Bulgur-shaped crater.

--- Sophia Reborn

- Bulgur grunts as he pulls himself from the wall. The Bone Throne is reforming around Guthrie to become a sort of exo-suit. Spells go off, and Bulgur is slammed by Atrophy Beams. Something ancient in Bulgur goes off and releases Chaos in return!
- The skeletons and zombies fall at the feet of one of the Necromancers in worship.
- Something even stranger happens to Bulgur.

- An old soul enters Bulgur's body. The long-dead soul of Sophia, a Necromancer dead for decades.

- Bulgur is now a Lictor, containing the soul of Sophia and the vestiges of Bulgur. A hybrid. More than the sum of their parts. More than enough.
- Bone bullets fired by the Necromancers embed into his skin. Chaos reigns and plants push up from the dungeon floor, the food in the room spoils with rot.

--- Blistering Assault

- Sophia/Bulgur rages on the edge of death. They shatter the throne-suit. Guthrie hasn't got time to scream.
- They strangle the Necromancer. Thumbs crush his windpipe. He tries to beg.

- A blast of ghosts and ectoplasm snaps through them, straight through their heart.

- They're dead. The hole straight through their chest pumps with black blood.

- The blast went straight through Guthrie too. They all die together.

--- Last Gasp

- Bulgur/Sophia stands anyway. They turn and fling the corpse of Guthrie Clamps and take the first Necromancer's body off at the knees. Absurd strength floods their body, black blood dripping through the hole in their chest.

- They stagger forward with the Pumpkinhead Axe and... there's a shimmer as the leprosy beast flash-steps into the path and crushes a leg. It's still not enough to stop them.

- Bulgur/Sophia crushes the creature to the ground and grinds their shattered leg-stump into its chest as it groans a bestial catechism and its leprous mass grows up and through, pinning them to the floor.

- Unable to walk, Bulgur/Sophia throws their arsenal of swords and axes and daggers at everyone in sight.
- A good death.

- Finally, they rest. Ah, but yet...

--- Late to the Party

- Finally, finally, the rest of the party shows up to a chaotic sea of blood and bone and unleash the whirlwind.

- Zeppelino's goblin firing squad shoots arrow after arrow into the remaining enemy.
- Manrat, aghast at the death of his liege, opens up with gunfire.
- Zeppelino himself tackles the skeleton-worshipper Necromancer into a boiling pot of rotting stew.
- Bulgur/Sophia's eyes open once more. There is more blood to spill!
- They are a blender in the centre of the room. All kicked or thrown or fishing-rodded to them are turned into a fine mist. Sophia takes control and sends a one-handed blast of ectoplasm at the remaining Necromancers, blasting holes through their chests and sending their bodies careening into the wall.
- Sophia speaks with the Voice of the Dead with her last breath and reforms the Bone Throne behind their own shattered body.

- They slump into the bone throne.

- Bulgur's voice booms out - "I am Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Strongest Man in Loegria, and my Honour Remains".
- Their body finally stops moving.
- A good death.

--- First Breath

- Something stirs in the body of Sophia/Bulgur. The ghastly energies unleashed in this place allow those present to see a blue ghost of Bulgur emerge from the body. It arises, looks around, feels his chest. He floats to Manrat and bestows upon him the title of the heir to the Wheat Throne!

- The body itself is shivering, reknitting. Ghosts swirl around it. The eyes that open in its face are not Bulgur's. They're black, swirling, like galaxies.
- It's mouth opens and tells the world that it is the body of Bulgur with the mind of Sophia! The name is Bulgaria! It is the Rotting Fist Wizard!

--- Loot the Room in an Age of Miracles

- Despite the reincarnation of an elder hero, there's work to be done. Specifically, loot!

- They take the Necromancers' spellbooks (useful for the new grimoire-less Bulgaria) and the a couple of Rituals on ancient scrolls. There's also 6000 obols-worth of coins and general small-but-valuable treasure, along with a big chunk of gold. The shattered wall nearby looks to go to the surface.

- Maxwell conjures Gifflewim by the simple expedient of saying his name three times, and Maxwell pays back his debt. Gifflewim is between Ideas at the moment, the Idea of Wheat and the Idea of Thorns warring. It's a bit awkward, but the deposit is made regardless.

- He also tells them that Julgoor has taken control of their mutual business and cleansed himself with the magic items he controls now. Disturbing news.

- With that minor bombshell, and the apparent compete mutual trust with the newly formed revenant of a Necromancer in their number, they face the way down and hope it's a better place than up here...

Total: 8000 exp

Foes Defeated:

- A mob of various Dead (70 exp)

- A few Necromancers (225 exp)

- The Boss Necromancer (250 exp)

- His Bone Throne (100 exp)

- A Leprosy Monster (1000 exp)

Total: 1645 exp

Loot Looted:

- Ritual #155 - The Leprous Dweller Below

- Ritual #167 - The Ninety-Six Chants of the Leprous One

- Grimoire containing: #76 Teeth Bomb, #70 Ghost Shield and #81 Soul Sight

- Grimoire containing: #56 Black Blood Baptism, #26 Detect Bones and #54 False Life

- Grimoire containing: #8  Detect Animated Dead, #59 Skeleton Steed and #31 Rise From Your Grave

- Coins and Trinkets worth 6000 obols (6000 exp)
- Gold Chunk (5000 exp)

Total: 11000 exp

OOC:

- "El Ruedero" the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)

- "Kittita" the Expedition Leader and Chef (200 exp/level)

- "Carlos" the Paymaster (100 exp/level)
- "Jorge" the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 83541 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 81743 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 6 Specialist: 55533 (Level up at 56000)

- Kitty / Bulgaria, Level 3 Rotting Fist Wizard: 5762 (Level up at 9000)
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! Plus Backstory!
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! Plus Backstory!

Session 408 - Queue Anon

Date: 20th May 1625

Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Moon Face: Dragon Face
Zenith Deity: The Allfather

Events:

--- Bulgur's First Fall

- We rejoin the party in a roomful of "Golive Oil", being olive oil infused with the piquant flavour of goblin flesh. They are in an upper layer of Ur-Jeizhek, the long-buried Dwarven arcology beneath Drudgespar. The stonework interlocks pleasingly.

- They head out and find a room with drinks trolleys lined up against one wall! There are glass bottles of water, and old nasty biscuits. They're just scooping up the biscuits when an alarm sounds and the whole room rumbles and somehow swings like it's on a big hinge!

- They worry that this means they've been taken elsewhere as if on a big elevator, but thankfully not. The drinks trolleys somehow stay exactly where they are as everyone falls towards the far wall which is briefly testing out the idea of being a floor.

- The room swings back into place and the doors reopen. They come out onto a long corridor. Directly across is a circular room with a big sandpit in the middle, a big lump of pumice and a tiny play-pickaxe, and a counter with fake coins on it. Manrat identifies it immediately as a Dwarf creche!

- Also in this room, amongst the circling seats, they find some real Ur-Jeizhek coinage and a book written in that language. The book has a sort of Vitruvian Dwarf on it surrounded by 9 satellite gods.

- They continue along the corridor and Bulgur falls! He stepped on an irising door and it opened underneath him! He falls about 20' (which isn't as bad due to his magic float boots) into a corridor that's oriented up-down, as if it's meant to be on its side. Zeppelino catches himself before he falls in too!

--- Occupied

- They scope out some more rooms, these ones with signs. One has a Dwarven variation on a ninefold Nonanist symbol, the other a pile of gems. Of course they go into the gems room!
- Inside there are lots of stalls. Turns out the pile of gems sign is Dwarven for the lavatories. One of the stalls is occupied, however...

- After much shenanigans trying to look under, over and around the toilet stall, Zeppelino gets out an array of perfumes and lollipops and pretends to be the Toilet Man.

- The guy in the toilet finally comes out and... it's a guy! Like a human man! He's got very long billowy culty robes, and his name is Morden Diablo. When asked what he's doing here, he answers that he was doing a poo. Further questioning reveals that he's here to find treasure and meaning, and his boss is Higher-Lower-Middle-Cultist Guthrie Clamps. They let him go on his way.

- Studying the toilets reveals that they're a sort of gem recycler system for the Dwarves who culturally eat gems. They rattle down the toilet, get polished and cleaned, and are then collected from near the door to be re-eaten. There's only gem dust in the collector, alas.

--- Rats!

- Just then a pale blue light begins coalescing in the middle of the bathroom and suddenly forms into a single human eye! It looks all around the room and sees them, then ponks to the floor. Rats start pouring from the pipes!

- Manrat sends out a rat delegation to talk to them, and the rats agree not to attack if they're bought off with fresh-ish meat. Manrat chucks them some hellhound meat and they're very happy!

--- Cultists!

 - Another eye warps into the room and Bulgur slices it in half... but not before it's alerted more reinforcements!

- Zeppelino is already out the door and hiding in the god room. Inside the Nine High Gods are depicted in statue form, but they're double-wide Dwarves like the Terrans. It's all been graffitied and generally messed with by the cultists though. Much sacrilege.

- Outside he can hear Morden Diablo has returned but with backup! He's got some cultist buddies and a load of skeletons! Battle is joined!

- It's a chaotic battle. Bulgur smashing the skeletons to bits while Manrat fires into the melee, hitting Bulgur. Two of the cultists tear their way out of their own skins and go to attack in skeleton form... but Manrat sends his rats to nibble on their discarded flesh! It's horrifying!

- Zeppelino and his goblin firing squad attack from the side of the skeleton column to surprisingly good effect!

- An ectenic blast from one of the cultists blasts Bulgur into two of the skeletons, destroying them both with sheer blunt force!

- Seeing the tide turn (and the skeleton-cultists seeing that the rats are devouring their spleens) the cultists turn and try to run! Alas it's not enough. The skeleton-cultists grab their rat-infested skins and flee, and Morden Diablo himself is struck down as he turns to run.
- The last surviving cultists begs for his life. He says he's from the Unctuous Aspirants cult and that they've been here for months after finding a hidden way in from the wastes. He also says that this corridor is the VIP lane, the cult is down the other corridor which is the Pleb lane.

- They truss up the cultist and force him to take them to the pleb line, but every time they try to make him give directions he ends up shouting and yelling. The pleb line is easy enough to find anyway! It's just right at the entrance instead of left.

--- Bulgur Falls Again

- They head along the pleb line queue and - oh no! - Bulgur falls into a pit again! He gets out with his moon boots, but still this is pretty much the only way he's been getting hurt!

- The next room has a sort of coin machine next to a door, and the main queue line going onwards to the right.

- Bulgur puts coins in, and after 10 the door opens! It's some sort of fast track lane! He goes through and the door shunks shut behind him.

- Bulgur strides through the velvet ropes marking the queueing lanes and raps on the door at the end. There's a red light but nothing happens.

- Finally it goes green! Bulgur goes through and is stopped at... another door. He waits, and as he waits he feels his back going numb...

- There's nothing behind him so he flails with his axe, hitting a gelatinous cube! They exchange blows and Bulgur is very lucky to not get hit! He makes short work of the cube, then turns back to the door to wait.

--- Heathrow Vibes

The other two have gone through the non-fasttrack line and are in a wide hall with velvet ropes to show where to queue! They ignore them and head to the front of the room. They see an (empty) guard room that stretches nearly across the whole room, and booths at the front where presumably their passports would be inspected.

- Hearing a distant yell from Bulgur, they run across the room!

--- Clamps Cliffhanger

- The door in front of the goo-covered Bulgur opens into a short glass-walled tunnel that looks out into a main room. In said main room are loads of undead and necromancers! They're eating lunch, and look up in concern as Bulgur says something muffled behind the glass!

- On a throne of bone, Guthrie Clamps himself sits smirking! Behind him is a big horrible undead contruct of some sort, a towering man-shaped thing with strips of leprous skin hanging off its swollen body.

- Guthrie lazily slurps a Last Breath and commands his minions to attack Bulgur!

- Bulgur yells a battle cry, hefts his pumpkinhead axe, and readies a charge! Zeppelino and Manrat rush across the security hall to his aid! And... the pub does last orders and closes for the evening.

- Next time... death!?

Total: 8000 exp

Treasure:

- 46 Ur-Jeizhek coins (46 exp)

- A stone book about gods written in Ur-Jeizhek (50 exp)
- 3 Last Breaths

- Flask of strong liquor

Total: 96 exp

Foes:

- Several rat swarms (60 exp)

- Some Necromancers (300 exp)

- A bunch of skeletons (100 exp)

- A gelatinous cube (300 exp)

Total: 760 exp

OOC:

- Kitty the Chronicler & Paymaster (200 exp/level)

- Charles the Expedition Leader & Chef (200 exp/level)

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 7 Barbarian: 97080 (Level up at 128000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 76979 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 75881 (Level up at 128000)

Session 407 - Oiling Up in Ur-Jeizhek

Date: 29th April 1625

Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Alaunus

New Characters:

- Algernon, a mayfly awakened by circumstances unknown. Its familiar is a human man. Muscle Wizard (he's the muscle, it's the wizard).

New Backstory:

- Strangers entered Zeppelino's town (Drudgespar) and he helped scare them away due to suspicions that they were in league with the hated Dwarves. +2 Strength.

- While Zeppelino was in the lost dimension, he saw something awful vanish away... Once per session, induce crippling fear in a creature who sees something horrible behind you.

Events:

--- Death and Taxes

- Algernon the Mayfly flits around the head of his human familiar as it enters the bustling goblin city of Drudgespar. According to the guards, the city is being lifted so it's lucky to get in when it still can!
- Roofworks continue - large-scale Repel Lightning runes are being drawn facing upwards towards the lightning-wielding Drakencult in the Rigging above. The Rigging itself strains against the upwards force of an enormous stitched-together blue whale balloon, pulling the city out of the sucking muck of the Wastes.

- It sees a strange sight. In front of an enormous part-mechanical scorpion, a haphazard party of adventurer types is being accosted by goblin tax collectors, demanding back taxes. With a lazy flick of the claw the tax collectors are all mulched!

- Algernon is somehow enamoured with joining this group. Algernon joins the party!

--- Ur-Jeizhek Exposed!

- The party is debating where to go next since Drudgespar is, for now, in an uneasy truce between the Drakencult above and the main population below.

- But wait, wasn't Ur-Jeizhek accessible now since the city's being lifted into the air? Let's go there!
- Maxwell grabs some explosives, Zeppelino recruits some more goblins, and they take the attack scorpion to the outside of the city.

- It's a sloppy slide down through the muck, the scorpion bracing against the slick melted-together brick of outer Drudgespar. They can see changes in the strata of the city walls as they go down, the colours of the oozing wasteland through time. Various shades of purples and blues and blacks, with the occasional stark band of green.

- They soon arrive at the bottom and see glowing Ur-Jeizhek, the first surface-worlders to see it for over a thousand years! The surface is a football field-sized plane of verdegrised brass carved with softly glowing sigils. Five obvious entrances (with turnstiles) are arranged around the space in a pentagon, it looks like the exposed turnstiles structures could hinge closed to be flush with the surface.

--- Queue Jumping Not Tolerated
- Alas, these are person-sized entrances, so the attack scorpion will have to wait here for now. Manrat puts it on sentry mode (ie. the crew is on standby).
- Maxwell tries to hope the nearest turnstile and... BAM! A Dwarf-shaped robot pops up and shoots him!

- Zeppelino flings his Gunk Bomb into the place where the robot popped out, and the next time someone jumps the turnstile it pops up into the glue, disabling it! Zeppelino leaves an Out of Order sign and the party continue in.

--- Ungreased Tube

- Below, the entry chamber is dominated by a big statue of the Allfather. He looks Terran - double-wide Dwarf - rather than the human form our resident Nonanists are used to. The surroundings are carved with images of abundance. Vast crops of Plump Helmet mushrooms and overpopulated fields of meat beasts like rats and grubs.
- They discover that the eyes of the Allfather are actually buttons! A flume opens up beneath the statue, perfectly person-sized. Algernon sends his man-shaped familiar down the chute, a booming voice says "death waits for you!", and the familiar somehow reforms from the mayfly's body. Something killed it.

- Maxwell pours some oil down the flume and sets it alight, hoping to burn whatever it is down there. Then they tie a rope around Bulgur and send him down to scout. He can't see what's down there, but the echoes indicate that there's a room down there. They slide down a torch.

- Bulgur, now holding the torch, looks around the place. The flume does indeed end in a big pit, there are bones at the bottom. The pit is in a larger room though, with floors made from fused stone and copper.

- They lower Bulgur into the pit proper and he roots around the remains. He finds a fleshy Elf ear with an earring worth 1720 obols! Result!

--- Rune Revelations

- Carved upon the walls of this chamber are various reliefs showing Major Runes and their relationships to various arcologies. Make is associated with the Forge Lore Dwarfs of Ur-Kalladh, Beam with the Glyph Lore Dwarves of Ur-Jeizhek, and so on.
- Most intriguingly, two new Major Runes are shown! Experimentation reveals that one (like a double concave lens) allows one to commune with its element. The other (an inverted T-shape) is like a compass that points to the nearest and/or largest concentration of the element. Carter, I mean Algernon, is thrilled!

- On another wall is a mural depicting a strange ritual - "The Ineluctable Pallid Commandment to Bind the Suckered Abomination".

--- Deep Fried

- The next room has lots of crates and barrels. Goblin zombies leap out from behind them to attack! They smell super tasty because they've been infusing the olive oil and air-dried since being somehow zombified.

- Zeppelino unleashes his firing squad of goblin bowmen, while Manrat's pistol unfortunately explodes! Bulgur fumbles his Pumpkinhead Axe attack, chipping the magical weapon!

- Maxwell gambits to yank two zombies into each other, crits, Bulgur joins in, fumbles, and gets bitten! He passes his Doom save versus whatever it is these zombies do to you!

- Between the goblin horde (now down a Goblin, alas poor Bean) and Bulgur's wild axe-swinging, the zoblins are finally defeated!

--- Oil and Feasting

- They inspect the barrels and ohohooo! It's loads of tasty olive oil infused with the fresh taste of Goblin! Dubbing it "Golive Oil" they take the lot! 4 barrels at 2000 obols each makes this a very lucrative find!

- They also find pastes and embalming tools made from the bones of humans and elves... concerning.

- Manrat sets up a field kitchen as the others look around the rest of the room, finding various other loot.

- He cooks "Fish and Chips But With a Cobra" which contains cobra meat, pickled goblin, plump helmet mushroom, potato, and golive oil. It's tasty! The dinner perk gives +2 to cooked meal deliciousness, which will be helpful.

- The party settles down to eat their first meal inside Ur-Jeizhek proper... but will it be their last??

Total: 8000 exp

Treasure:

- 4 barrels of Golive Oil (8000 exp)
- Pierced Elf Ear (1720 exp)

- Vial of Lubricant

- 3 Red Eye Cigarettes grant infravision while smoked
- Rare inks and Parchments halve spell research cost.

- Trinkets worth 1000 obols (1000 exp)

- Hastily drawn map of dungeon area

- 3 Blue Eye Cigarettes grant +4 Charisma while smoked

Total: 10720 exp

Murders:

- A few olive oil zombies (80 exp)

Total: 80 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer and Paymaster (300 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Mason the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- George the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 7 Barbarian: 92728 (Level up at 128000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 73327 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 71529 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 6 Specialist: 49171 (Level up at 56000)

- Mason / Algernon, Level 2 Mayfly Muscle Wizard: 3860 (Level up at 4500)
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! Plus Backstory!

Session 406 - IT CRAWLS!

 Date: 22nd April 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Pocked Moon

Zenith Deity: The Dead God

New Backstory:

- If Manrat's gang had known the secret of the Endless City like he did, they'd have understood why he left them to suffer. If you hit a target and they survive, force them to answer a question truthfully. 

- Maxwell's green thumb was the result of the offerings he left out for the spirits and fae at the bottom of the garden. +2 to reaction rolls with intelligent plants, fungi, and other flora.

Events:

--- The City is the City

- The fat clouds over Drudgespar roil. There's no storm but the city's warm wet updraft disturbs the upper air. Far further above, the brass coffin of the Dead God sends blessings to the devoted from low earth orbit. Even further above the slow spinning of the moon has revealed its Pocked Face - red glowing freckles of light attempting to receive the discharged rainbow beams of earthly Marlingspikes.

- In Drudgespar below, searching through the Buildup, Manrat looks for a demonic cornershop where he can sell his overvalued gem. There are plenty of these places scattered around the city, but when he finds one he discovers it empty. Where the hell is Julgoor?
- Instead of the demonic shopkeeper there's an imp playing some chill beats on a tiny string instrument. It informs Manrat that he's 31st in the queue, please hold.

- The others chat shit with locals. Per said locals, the Bloblins (ie. Blue Goblins - the dragon-worshipping winged goblins up in the Rigging) are making up any old excuse to purge unborn hobgoblins before they emerge from their pea pods.

- Maxwell wants to help, but he's a meatoid so is distrusted as a matter of course.
- The Goblins also claim that they used to live on the surface in earlier aeons. The Dwarves enslaved them, leaving the surface free for humans to move in and take over. Such lore.

--- Julgoor Remasked

- Manrat hears - "you are 0th in the queue".

- At that, Julgoor appears! The back of his shop is once more filled with squirming darkness. The front of his shop now has the gold-masked Julgoor acting as the friendly shopkeep.

- "WHAT do you WANT??", Julgoor asked calmly.

- He asks for three wheat facts and shivers against any mention of the idea of thorns.

- The Idea of Thorns is within him, warring with the Idea of Wheat. He is consumed by contradiction and vanishes, snatching the gem and leaving behind a gold mask worth the sale value of 10000 obols.

--- GRAKTIL!

- The party head towards the giant siege scorpion known as GRAKTIL THE CITY THAT CRAWLS! since Manrat has enough cash to buy it outright now.

- He evades the defensive mandible trap and Brie follows him into the thorax. The others head upwards into Bucketsides to help defend the pea pods.

- Manrat discovers that Graktil is pretty much ready to go! They've dug up most of it, and the heavy elementals up in the stinger can go whenever! For the cheap cheap price of 35000 obols it's Manrat's to command!

- He accepts, wiping out other investors as he does so. Graktil now belongs to Manrat!

--- Give Peas a Chance

- Maxwell and Brie, meanwhile, are up on Bucketsides trying to work out how to defend the unborn hobgoblins and the city below.

- Maxwell thinks up a bright idea - Repel Lightning glyphs! Draw them everywhere, keep them powered, and everyone becomes essentially immune to oppression from the drakencult above!

- He shows the nearby goblins how to do it and they spread out, disseminating the knowledge. Soon Repel-Lightning runes are being drawn on rooftops below.
- Bulgur heads down and creates symbols of wheat on rooftops, supplementing the resisting runes and attracting true believers in wheat to himself.

--- GRAKTIL!

- Manrat has now received full captaincy of the Assault Scorpion. Goblin raiders are hired - they will be the ground troops of the scorpion war.
- Manrat has a choice to make - eject forwards into the city? Or eject backwards into the wastes where they can terrorise for profit?

- He decides on BACKWARDS! Into the WASTES!

- In a surprise change of intention, he orders the scorpion to CLIMB! Upwards to the rim!

- One of the elementals in the stinger, bereft of water due to the sudden change of scorpion orientation, decays rapidly.

-- Ah yes, the negotiator

- A couple of hours later the scorpion had ascended the walls. From a loudspeaker Manrat screams out a call for negotiation! The Rigging is in range of heavy metal attack and he's not afraid to use it!
- Steer Calmer arrives. He's a good negotiator, believes the blue goblins have Drudgespar's best wishes in mind, and like all goblins is the son of a toolmaker.

- Negotiations ensue despite setbacks. Instead of dropping Drudgespar onto the Dwarf arcology below, they'll reconsider. Instead the Scorpion will do all the attacking! The city will be moved instead to a safer location.

- Steer Calmer also agrees publically to gut public services to fund the war machine. Centrist victory!

- The city shifts and begins to rise, revealing a steep thin slide all the way down to the old Dwarf city below...

Total: 7000 exp

OOC: 

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer and Paymaster (300 exp/level)
- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard and Chef (200 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 7 Barbarian: 88268 (Level up at 128000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 68867 (Level up at 112000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 6 Necromancer: 48571 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 6 Specialist: 43611 (Level up at 56000)

Session 405 - Blue Whale Blue Goblins

Date: 15th April 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face

Zenith Deity: The Scorned

New Backstory:

- Maxwell had an angry drunk for a parent, which made him force humour into situations to keep them pacified. +2 Dexterity

- Bulgur Son of Borgar shouldn't have kissed that cow, but it made the first move! Once per session, cause someone to make a romantic advance.

Events:

--- Changing Weather

- With last session's dramatic reveal that Gifflewim is now re-infected by the Idea of Thorns, the party sits on the edge of the peculiarly normal well and look out over the glistering blackness of the ferrofluid flats. They are all still weakened by their demon debt, so getting back to Julgoor is the priority.

- Bulgur gives a quick prayer to The Scorned who lurks at zenith today, granting his strikes extra power.

- Also above, barely visible in the dawn light, is the gibbous moon. Its slow spin has brought it's Dragon Face forward - the black silhouette and impact crater of Apocalypse Dragon Ereshkigal as fresh as the day it was thrown at the moon. The party's steps are lighter, then heavier, like breathing. It's easy to misjudge your stride.

- They set off on their various steeds, and as they leave the grassy verge around the well the rain begins to fall. Everything touched by the rain changes subtly. Whorls on skin, new buds on dead wood, dulled edges on steel.
- Those on steeds cover their heads with cloth to keep the rain off, but Zeppelino and his goblin minions instead strip off and walk nude through the metamorphic rain, their skins rippling with strange patterns.

--- I've Got Crabs!

- They carefully navigate the flats, sticking to the rills and mounds that emerge from the black ferrofluid. Other than a squall of particularly bad rain, and a stuttering stop that sends Zeppelino plunging into the ferrofluid, it's a straight shot to the great big bucket walls of  Drudgespar.

- Or so they thought! As they cross a particularly large hump of dry land, white stones pop up and claws whip out to clutch at legs and clamp on arms! Some of Zeppelino's goblins are immediately dragged under the stone trapdoors, their screams dying with them!

- It's crabs! Some sort of trapdoor crab! Maxwell leaps into action but stumbles! Bulgur wrestles the one that attempts to grab him, but Zeppelino is grabbed and pulled into one of their holes!
- Two of the crabs, sated by goblin flesh, start to burrow their way down with their meals. The other goblins run to help them, but to no avail!

- Zeppelino yells for Maxwell to chuck a grenade down the hole where he's wrestling with his crab. "Just do it!!". Both goblin and crab take a chunk of damage, but survive! Zeppelino uses the distraction to gain the upper hand and kick the crab out of its hole, where it falls under the steely knives of his minions.

- Bulgur manages to wrestle the other remaining crab out of its hole. It tries to escape down a different hole, but is crushed by Bulgur's pumpkinhead axe and more goblin stabbings.
- Surprisingly hurt, our heroes field-dress the crabs and claim much crab meat. At least they got dinner out of it!

--- Back in Drudgespar

- The weather clears on their final leg to one of Drudgespar's entrances. It's now a pleasant Spring day!

- They gain entrance, as usual, via Zeppelino vouching for the rest as his minions. Strangely the entrance seems higher up than before.
- They travel through the long oozeblock-lined tunnel and come out into the Buildup. The sun is shining above, bathing the inside of Drudgespar with light. The huge shadow of the blue whale balloon looms overhead. It's no longer half-deflated and in fact looks full to bursting!

- They head through the city looking for the nearest Julgoor shop. Since the city is constantly building on itself, diversions pop up and street layouts change like the whole place is one big roadworks.

- They find a Julgoor's pretty quickly anyway, they're all over the place! Behind the counter is everyone's favourite gold-masked Greed Demon. Behind him something writhes in the dark.

- He's very happy with everyone and removes their curses, although he is surprised to find that his "silly prank" against Gifflewim actually worked that well...

--- Nightmare Scenario

- They find lodgings to rest up in. These are common in Drudgespar, the eternally sinking city means that there's always a slice of the population moving upwards from sludge-whelmed lower homes to newer still-dry places higher in the Buildup.

- The party corrals their ingredients to create "Cancer in a Can" out of crab meat, potato, beans and.. communion wafer. It's merely palatable.

- They go to their separate beds and...

- They wake up in a nightmare. A great tree, covered thickly in THORNS, writhes. Gifflewim is here. He's wrapped in THORN VINES. He spits curses at the party for doing this to him. Julgoor forgave their debt by transferring it to him. He owes Julgoor their debts by the end of May. Red Sand may be enough to break the contract, but that's an unknown. The IDEA OF THORNS will dog their step until his debt is repaid.

- They wake up, all remembering the same dream. Bulgur was offered obols in the dream, but refused. Gifflewim demanded 2000 from Zeppelino and 6000 from Maxwell. They could ignore the debt, to be fair, since the demon curse is off them all. The Idea of Thorns being back, though...

--- Rumours and Businesses

- Zeppelino checks on his investment in the Attack Scorpion, and finds that there's solid growth in the company!
- Alas, Goblin Munitions has gone bankrupt in the interim. Maxwell extracts half the value in liquid cash.

- They hear rumours about town. There's a Nonanist church in the Buildup whose bell has gone silent. The clockmakers of Grendel know the path of the great dragon Mardük as it strides around the wastes. Activating Pylons allows one to mind-control the population of a connected Pyramid. All very intriguing.

--- Turgid Whale

- They're at a bit of a loose end at the moment, so they figure they should check out what's happening with this extremely swollen blue whale balloon. After all, Zeppelino managed to get the higher-up hobgoblin Steer Calmer to take a middle ground vis-a-vis the blue goblin invasion force.

- Getting up to the Rigging is easy in the calm weather. Goods elevators up Bucketsides are running constantly, so you even get a lift some of the way.

- The Rigging is all balloons of various sorts, mostly inflated animals skins. Everything is connected by ropes, rope bridges, long ropes with rope handrails, and further ropes.
- Zeppelino has the Higher-Up top hat (with emergency parachute propeller) and classic Higher-Up hooked canes, so he finds it very easy to shimmy around the ropework. The others take their time, but it's fine. Clear days are good days up in the Rigging.

- Below they spot a bunch of winged blue goblins burning down a shack in Bucketsides. Regular goblins run out of the burning building and are sniped by electric beams. Pamphlets scatter all over.

- The blue goblins up here are EXTREMELY impressed to meet Bulgur. He's the guy who fought and defeated their leader via a battle in the sky, and that all while Bulgur was steadily floating upwards! Real celebrity stuff!

- This gives the whole party the leniency to approach the Blue Whale Balloon itself.

--- Inside the Whale

- They clamber across ropes until they get to the gondola slung beneath the great whale balloon. It really is full, the skin strains against the gases within. There are handprints pressing out from the inside and slickering electricity.

- There's a rope slide down to the gondola. Within is, naturally, Steer Calmer! They converse, and he tells them that the goblins are splitting water into hydrogen in there, and their efforts are actually dragging Drudgespar out of the bog below!

- The party want to go in, but are warned that it's pure hydrogen in there so they'll need breathing masks. Bulgur will be fine, he's a barbarian, but the others craft (and test) Make-Air runes before they enter the skin.
- A guide goes with them and describes the situation. Hobgoblins are the foremen, minions are hard at work splitting water into hydrogen and oxygen. The hydrogen goes up, the oxygen goes down, and so it goes. Ruptured gas sacks, once the main lifting device for the whale, are now rest zones for the goblin electrolysers.

--- Mark of Royalty

- Bulgur jumps up with his anti-grav shoes and reaches a gas sack. He sees rank upon rank of giant blue pea-pods in there. The resting goblins recognise him immediately and get him to sign stuff.

- Bulgur realises that the POWERLAD book he just signed was owned by a goblin who truly believes in feudalism! The goblin is called Murderperson and brings out a peapod throne and has Bulgur sit upon it. He truly contains the idea of Royalty.

- Bulgur gives Murderperson a box containing Rupert's Drops, such that he can burst the balloon when the time comes for Bulgur to ascend to kinghood.

- The others have since found out that the blue goblins plan to raise Drudgespar out of the ground and reveal the ancient Dwarven arcology beneath, the better to take that technology for themselves in their mission to kill the Immotile in the Place of Honour. Another thread to draw on later, perhaps.

- They leave the whale with many things on their minds. There's just a lot going on right now, honestly..

Total: 9000 exp

--- Foes Defeated:

- A clutch of Trapdoor Crabs (300 exp)

Total: 300 exp

--- OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster and Quartermaster (300 exp/level)

- Charles the Expedition Leader, Vanguard, and Chef (300 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 7 Barbarian: 84543 (Level up at 128000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 67769 (Level up at 128000)
*LEVEL UP! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Goblin! +Backstory!

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 6 Specialist: 39486 (Level up at 56000)

Session 404: Falsehood Not Found

Date: 8th April 1625

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous

Moon Face: Dirty Face

Zenith Deity: Minerva

New Backstory:

- ■■■■■■■ was once very overweight due to a drinking problem. He was forced to turn to a life of adventuring to pay off the debt, which is at the very least good cardio. +2 AC for ten minutes after downing alcohol.

Events:

--- It's Just a Die, Bro

- We find the party out in the Drudge Wastes on the edge of a Mushroom Forest formed from enormous fungi. Ferrofluid Flats stretch out before them, the heavy black liquid shining in the dim sun that filters through the greenish haze. However they themselves are encamped on a rind of normal grassland that rings an incongruously ordinary well.

- They realised last time that the dungeon below is a non-euclidean 12-roomed structure that conforms nicely to a dodecahedron. Thus, players armed in real life with a d12, they descend once more.
- Following ■■■■■■■'s map which has been (up until now) frustrated to make, they leave the sandstone entry room and try another direction.

- There's a chain in here attached to a ring on the floor. Flipping it through a fulcrum on the ceiling allows one to raise the stone the ring is attached to. Bulgur, being very strong, heaves the stone up! Zeppelino sends his minion Tax Burden to look underneath the raised stone. There's a key! Tax Burden takes it and it's actually fine! The key is in a classic style and made of copper.

--- ■■■■■■■ ■■ ■■■■■■■■■

- The next area has the bottom of a well on the floor, and a rope snaking up against gravity to coil on the ceiling. Manrat calls for his squire to no avail, then sends a rat shimmying down/up the rope.
- The rat saw a lot! There's an orange sky up there.

- ■■■■■■■ climbs well and the gravity inverts on the way up/down. He reaches the surface to find himself in a world with an orange sky and a broken moon. The trees twist strangely. Those below forget him. He has become a Lost Thing.

- The party begins to move on and Manrat is incensed! ■■■■■■■ did so much for them! Mapping! Shouting them beers at the bar! Everyone loved ■■■■■■■! The others dismiss this as the rantings of a mad ratman.

--- Well Well Well

- Manrat Snels, slightly embarrassed because he can't remember what he was ranting about, whips his sword around in the foggy doorway to create sort of fog-candyfloss. It clings to his blade, slowly outgassing.

- They pass through that doorway and enter a room where the floor has been shattered by a great impact. Water pools at the bottom. Bulgur fishes in his pocket and finds a Make-Air-Light glyph that he doesn't remember making.

- He dives into the pool and swims down. His hand hits an arm, he grabs. It's a nondescript human male. He swims up and... isn't that ■■■■■■■? No, isn't that Maxwell??

- Maxwell coughs up water, he's alive! And real! Everyone else is a bit embarrassed that they didn't realise who Manrat was ranting about.  

- Bulgur looks down and sees the clear water is murky now, but only to him. Nostradama dives in and finds a strange knife with a gold side and a silver side. At the very least it seems to pierce armour. Perhaps it can do more...? 

Zeppelino dives and finds a key. Manrat dives and finds treasure in a small chest! Maxwell is peer-pressured into diving back in and returns with a rusty bell. Nostradama tests her knife edge on the bell and SHING! it carves straight through!

--- Return Chamber

- They leave and find themselves back in the frost-rimed room. The ghost of Nonk begs for clothes. He's so so cold. Zeppelino, being Nonk's father-figure, has to be persuaded to leave the poor creature behind.
- The next room has a round-faced pedestal upon which rests a button. Around the button are arrayed the numbers 1-20 in roman numerals.

- Bulgur HITS THE BUTTON! The numbers glow red... then begin ticking down...
- Hit it and the button returns to 20.
- Nostradama shatters her sword and, hit, it was never broken!
- Manrat tries to leave and hit he never left!
- Manrat swallows poison and, in his death throes, shoots Zeppelino in the back of the head and hit it never happened!

- They leave together, bemused, albeit Zeppelino remembers his murder at the hands of Manrat..

--- Tree of Forgotten Truths

- They leave into a chamber with a great autumnal tree growing from a cracked floor. The leaves drift down, their veins are scratched lettering. Each is a secret soon to fade.

- Of course the party scrabble through the fallen leaves. They discover much, albeit disparate. The Red Elves need help. The Mona Lisa exists. The location of Ur-Darghab - the City by the Undersea - deep beneath where Fate once was. The spell Void Body. The knowledge that the Wheatlands have a false king.

- Zeppelino leaps up to grab a leaf directly from the tree. It's a secret, partially written, growing but not complete. Zeppelino floats chopping the tree down, but Nostradama says "brooooo noooooooooo".
- At least they grab some secrets as spice for their meals. Muy delicioso.

--- Lost

- They enter the final room and...!

- Oh it's the one with the plinths. Maxwell flips his map around. Ok, that way.

- There are statues in here. Statues of dungeon-crawling types. There are more.
- They spin around, ok maybe they're actually lost.

- They wander around for a while. Nostradama tries using her knife to cut through the floor and... beyond is an orange sky with strange trees. Broo nooooo.
- They finally find their way back to the tree of secrets, and try an untried portal.

--- Kairophagus

- Beyond, on a plinth, is a blue-winged sphynx in lustrous dark plumage.

- It blinks, and smiles, and Zeppelino states the statement they came here to make - "The Idea of Thorns yet lurks within Gifflewim".
- The sphinx opens it's mouth and CHOMPS at the air. It licks its lips. A piquancy of falsehood, delicious!

- The party realise that this Sphinx can make the false become true.
- Bulgur isn't/is the Strongest Man in Loegria!
- Manrat isn't/is the bearer of a gem worth 100 000 obols!

- Nostradama states that she is the most powerful sorceress in the world, which means that she isn't. (A tragic epistemological mistake)

- Maxwell confirms that Julgoor won't/will die on August 12, 1625.

--- Gifflewim

- They leave, satisfied, and follow the map back to the real rope-up-through-the-well entrance.

- They climb back to the top.

- There they find Gifflewim, eyes red like he's been rubbing them. His head is shaking like he's trying to resist his thoughts. "What did you put into my head Charles?!" he says, glaring directly at the player, "What did you PUT into my HEAD!?"

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures Claimed:

- The Subtle Knife, or something like it.

- Key #17

- 900 obols in a small chest (900 exp)

- A rusty bell (since sliced)

- A gem worth 100 000 obols (100 000 exp)

Total: 100 900 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster and Quartermaster (300 exp/level)
- Charles the Expedition Leader & Chef (200 exp/level)

- Zoe the Cartographer (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 7 Barbarian: 81443 (Level up at 128000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +Barbarian Power! +Backstory!

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 65842 (Level up at 112000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! Max 49 Rats! +Backstory!

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 6 Goblin: 62869 (Level up at 64000)

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 5 Cleric of Nonanism: 33907 (Level up at 36000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +Faith! +Healing Pool! +Backstory!

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 6 Specialist: 34586 (Level up at 56000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

Session 403 - Trojan Whale

 Date: 1st April 1625

Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Oberon

New Backstory:

- Zeppelino tried to get his flying machine business off the ground but his partner sold off, tanking the value! Zeppelino degraded the remaining stock so everyone lost. Once per session, return damage to the being that hurt you.

- Maxwell had an old acquaintance laugh at him for his clothing choices.  Once per session, cause someone you've met before not to act for a round.

Events: 

--- Intentional Railroading

- Burdened by debt, our heroes ask Julgoor how to get out of their terrible circumstances.

- He gives them a quest! They accept on condition that their debts are reduced.

- He tells them thus: Go north of Drudgespar through the Swamp of Betrayal, then east through the Worm-Shroom Forest. Follow the seam between the forest and the ferrofluid flats until you find a well. Go down the well and tell the Sphinx that eats truths the following - "The Idea of Thorns yet lurks within Gifflewim".

- Zeppelino liquidates his throne of trash and invests it in the scorpion weapon business. He's ready.

- The night before they leave, Bulgur observes the moon. It's the Clean Face - a once-ordinary moon. Oberon is at zenith.

--- Circumstance Beyond One's Control

- Big Green Storage still holds the party's contrivances. They take them, and wonder what's happening in the skies above. Winged goblins are flying around up there.

- Instead of just leaving via the main exit they go up. On the walls of Bucketsides they are assailed by tax collectors. Said collectors wish to charge the "Deep Tax" that applies only to dungeon delvers. Bulgur looms, things come to a head, but then the blue goblins attack!

- The blue whale balloon, being literally a blue whale filled by lighter-than-air gases, returns to the city! Blue goblins fall out of it quicker than the guards can respond! Our heroes charge towards the danger!

--- Good Lord What Is Happening Up Here

- They reach the Skirts in shortish order. This is, given the bucketish shape of Drudgespar, the rim. The only people who work up here are guards. Above is the Rigging, a large collection of ropes that hang between airships. Rich goblins live up there and occasionally fall to their deaths.

- A guard greets them and gives them an update. Dragon-worshipping Goblins, blue and lightning-winged, have returned! They stole the blue whale balloon a couple of months ago, and now it's back!

- Zeppelino steps forth. He negotiates with Steer Calmer, an avowed centrist. He welcomes the dragon but wishes it to go further.

- A blue goblin arrives during the negotiations. He states that the apocalypse dragon Marduk won't be arriving until July, and that it won't be attacking the city. It's heading to the broken pyramid and will use its gamma burst breath to destroy anything that lives in there. No harm to the city.

- He also declares that they stole the whale because they wanted to extract hydrogen, detonate a bomb in the Place of Honour, and thus kill the immotile mother of all goblins. High concept stuff and not anything to worry about, he ensures.

--- And I'm Freeeee, Free Fallin'

- Bulgur isn't taking that "nothing to worry about" nonsense.  He demands A DUEL!!! In the SKY!!!

- If he wins, the blue goblins will fix the Rigging and repair the city. If he loses, the goblins can do as they wilt. The terms are set.

- There is a BATTLE IN THE SKY!!!
- Bulgur plummets. His spear fails. His net succeeds! The blue goblin is wrapped in the ropes and falls to his doom!!!

- Blue goblins tuck their wings and fall!

- It's close. They catch him just before he hits the ground. He's rescued! Lots of clapping! Bulgur is easily the victor!

- Negotiations go well. The drakencultists will repair this city, and even better, they'll fly the party to the ground!
- As they're carried down, the party see the skin of the blue whale balloon wriggling. Bulgur grimaces - it must be a Trojan Whale...

--- Through the Bog

- They walk off, assuming that this isn't their problem.

- It's Spring so the weather has turned to the classic Hayfever Haze. It's dusty, eyes are streaming, but yet this is the closest to travelling weather one gets in the post-apocalypse.

- They navigate through the ferrofluid flats. Dark liquid sloshes between low hummocks, their boots cling to the black mud.

- After long hours they reach the edge of the mushroom forest. The flats raise marginally, revealing grotesque mushrooms as tall as a person. Spores coat the air and the inside of your throat.

- Bulgur monches a chunk of mushroom. Bad idea. It effectively deletes his DNA.

- Trudging onwards they follow the seam. It's not long until they discover the promised well.

--- Well Down

- It's an idyll. It shouldn't be here.
- Instead of the bog, instead of the mushrooms, it's all dappled sunlight shining through a copse of real trees. The sky above is blue, lightly cloudy. The grass is soft. The flats have becomes a wide lake. This should not be real. It should not be here.
- And yet, the well. Just as Julgoor said.
- Zeppelino lowers a rope and ties it off. Maxwell suggests waiting until tomorrow. The others roll their eyes and shimmy down the rope. Maxwell follows.

--- Fiveway

- The room is marble, perfectly pentagonal. Each wall has a door. Each is filled with syrupy smoke. They pick a route.

- It's a room with sandstone plinths. All empty. They pick another door.

- The next room has a five-sided pillar. Each face reflects you differently. One mirror shows no shadows, another shows no footprints, another shows goosebumps on your skin, and the last two look... normal?

- Bulgur, searching through his stuff, realises that a vial of lube has disappeared from his backpack. He's devastated.
- He pokes the mirror with the butt of his spear and it's just... gone.

- They take another door, brushing the thick smoke aside, and find themselves in a room with a deep pool in the centre. It looks like a big explosion made the hole and then the water trickled in. Something glimmers at the bottom.

- Dive Dive Dive

- Maxwell tries to fish the glimmering thing out of the pool, but to no avail.

- Bulgur enlists Maxwell's help draw a Make-Air rune combined with a Make-Light rune on a pebble, then dives into the pool. He finds his lube down there!

- He also finds some lost keys. The water gets murkier the longer he's down there. He loses his hobby horse. Not the horse!

- He surfaces, then Maxwell takes the pebble and dives himself. He finds a gold chain and a small statue of a kitten. The water gets silty.

- Zeppelino sends some of his goblins down, but they do not return.

- Bulgur goes back down again. The water is murky. It's getting dark. Something caresses his leg, then wraps around it.

- He finds his hobby horse! He swims up, kicking away from the leg-grabber. It somehow works!

--- No Medusa Available

- They leave and try another room. Mapping is getting tricky. The rooms don't join properly. In here there are adventuring types carved from stone. It's fairly obvious that there's some sort of gorgon around here.

- If you shatter a statue and look away, it returns.

- Very disconcerting.

- They leave quickly but quietly.

- The next room has a floating and softly glowing blue chest.

- Bulgur uses the key he found to unlock it. Surprisingly, it works!

- Within is a compass. It points to the way they came in. Convenient!

- The Infamous Twink

- They explore a little more and enter a frosty room constructed from harzburgite. Square holes are burned into the floor. Some sort of geometric creature maybe? 

- Something writes a question in the frost - "I'm so cold, give me your clothes!"
- Bulgur does so. He's only wearing a loin cloth anyway.

- The ghost becomes real. He's a comely young man wearing only a loin cloth! He starts climbing the rope out of the well and Bulgur begins to fade out. He's been tricked!

- Zeppelino declares: "GET THAT TWINK!!!"
- The twink flees, he's caught, he runs, he's caught again! Chase sequences, wrestle rolls, the works! Eventually the twink is forced to give back the loin cloth, and Bulgur is reunited with his own flesh.

- They kill the twink. One of Zeppelino's goblins replaces him. Our "heroes" head back up to the surface. The sphinx remains undiscovered.

--- Traditional Session-Ending Dinner

- As ever, we end with a meal. Bulgur's up tonight.

- It honestly sounds amazing. Salt-Baked Mud Bream. Bulgur wraps the fish in salt, roasts it in the pan, and while it cooks he makes a dense salad from beans, mushroom, pumpkin chunks, and sourdough croutons.

- Delicious, no notes.

Total: 1200 exp

Treasure:

- House Key #60

- Tomb key #74

- Golden Chain (100 exp)

- Statue of a Kitten (50 exp)

Total: 150 exp

OOC:
- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer and Vanguard (300 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition Leader and Chef (200 exp/level)
- Charles the Paymaster and Quartermaster (200 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 58863 (Level up at 64000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 6 Goblin: 39689 (Level up at 64000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 4 Specialist: 11406 (Level up at 14000)

Session 402 - Debtmaxxing

Date: 25th March 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Pocked Face

Zenith Deity: The Dead God

New Characters:

- Maxwell, Specialist and former Weaver. Immediately in heavy debt.

Returning Characters:

- Nines. Inheritor. Knows the way out.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Party animal.

- Manrat Snels. Ratman. Prophecy enjoyer.

- Brie van der Hells. Necromancer. Replaces skeletons regularly.

- Zeppelino. Goblin. In constant low-level fear that people want to eat him.

New Backstory:

- Brie van der Hells had her faith tested when she discovered that Nonanism is broadly incompatible with spellcasting. She jumped ship at the first opportunity! +2 to beneficial magical effects.

Events:

--- Turbulent Priest

- In the depths of Visco City, where the oozeblock bricks bleed wasteland goop under the great pressure of Drudgespar above, the party has decided to bring the blazing priest Ghost Snels (a fire-and-brimstone preacher whose skull head is constantly on fire) up to the higher levels.
- To do this they must heft his pulpit and lug it upstairs, all while the priest himself yells and shouts psalms. This will very easily attract attention.

- Nevertheless he's kinda cool and Manrat has the fervour of the newly converted, so up they go! Thankfully Nines took copious notes so knows the exact way out!

- The room with the spiders is easily traversed since the spiders are distracted by all the hellhound meat. Plus they don't really like fire.

- There's one thing though... on the way here there was a hall of screams that yelled deep and bitter individualised truths. Bulgur and Manrat kinda want to see what the deal is.

--- Cosmic Therapy

- They walk in and a great scream goes up from Zeppelino and Nines! The incisive comments cut to the core of their being, buried memories long scarred over, ripping open their minds from within! Zeppelino sees his childhood abuse at the hands of his aunt. Nines confronts his non-existence. They shut the door of their memories shut, taking psychic damage.
- Meanwhile the others confront their pain and overcome their trauma... becoming wiser in the process!

- As for Ghost Snels, he confronted his demons long ago. He gains a more profound understanding of God, and his preaching becomes yet more fiery.

--- Throne of Trash

- Nines reckons the next room might link up, but alas. Instead it's an empty room with an old empty throne built from trash. Zeppelino, being a Goblin, can see the incredible artistry! See how the trash hangs together? How the goo sticks just so?
- Above, hanging by a thread, is a big (for a goblin) sword. Zeppelino grabs the sword and gets his goblin minions to carry him around on the throne, a big trash palanquin.

- They head back through the screaming room and down an unmarked corridor. Behind a door they can hear goblin voices!
- Zeppelino approaches on the throne and has a goblin knock on the door. Inside are a bunch of goblins resetting a big huge crossbow contraption. It's for killing Meatoids, so they say.
- Zeppelino is a bit low on manpower so inveigles three off them to join him, despite their protestations about how he travels with Meatoids. Nonk, Glurpus and Gabbana join his crew!

- Brie and Zeppelino debate what to do about the Dwarfs who are now provably undermining the city. Brie says they should let it happen, since the big slice of city wall dislodged will shear a path straight down to the old Dwarf arcology below. Zeppelino wants to save his city. No real winner here.

--- Diplomatic Zeppelino

- Goblins attack! In truth it probably wasn't the argument and was more likely that Ghost Snels won't stop preaching. The goblins take aim at the back of the party's marching order but... it's all goblins? No meatoids to be seen?
- Zeppelino talks the leader Hobgoblin down. These meatoids are just his shock troops to lull the evil Dwarfs into a false sense of security. Plus they were just leaving.
- It's all fine for now... but the Hobgoblin is a paid up member of the Anti-Meatoid Coalition so doesn't want to see these filthy uncooked steaks hanging around here next time.

- They travel onwards and come to the snake-themed halls of the wannabe Drakencult. A river of snakes surges past, but this time they don't risk grabbing any. Once bitten, twice shy.

- Retracing their steps they come to a guard barricade manned by part-lizard part-goblin Drakencultists. Since the Barbarian who caused such a ruckus last time isn't here, and since Zeppelino is a devout Neo-Ninhursag adherent, they are let through.

- Manrat Snels is extra careful to get Ghost Snels on the subject of the Snels family line, rather than offend anyone with snake-based insults. It works well enough!

--- Snines' Sninal Snact

- There is, alas, one last challenge! In the snake breeding chamber, with the two huge snake heads and the Newton's Cradle tick-tick-ticking between them, are eight surly pit vipers that rear up!
- Nines, however, can turn into a snake! He's fluent in the Visco City snake snialect and asks for his crew to be let through. It works!
- They travel back up through the basement levels where they once fought ooze-bodied rat tails (the tails spiral in the goo, but are unaggressive) and finally finally reach the Visco City market and the endless Deep Rave!

--- Admin Adventures

- Nines goes off to buy cigarettes and never returns (Nines Retires!) while the others walk around the market for some light shopping and get fried snake onna stick.
- Receive-Unto-Thee-The-Holy-Ghost Snels is left near the entrance of the rave where he can yell at degenerate passers-by. It's hard to tell, but he seems happy.

- Lots of purchasing occurs. Everyone gets a fortune from the elderly human fortune teller (who seems veeery keen on Zeppelino). Manrat gets a haircut and persuades the blacksmith to let him use the smelter. Brie gets dragonscale embedded in her sword. Seeing Manrat's haircut, Zeppelino goes in for a polish and Brie gets a nicer 'do, as do the rats.

- Zeppelino asks the clothesmaker if there's any fancy clothing on sale, and oh boy is there! Classic higher-up gear. Coat and tails, twin hooked canes, and a very tall hat that straps under the chin and (in emergencies, such as falling from the Rigging) opens out into helicopter blades to help arrest one's fall!
- Bulgur wants a similar hat, but is too heavy. This offends him and he sits on the milliner, to the delight of the milliner.

--- Me Sowing:

- It's been a long time down in that dungeon and they've got a fair bit of cash to burn. It's time to carouse!!!

- The only trouble is maybe they don't have quite enough money to deal with a maximum roll, especially with a Barbarian around to hype up the party.

- Ah well, their good friend Julgoor the Greed Demon will spot them any overspend! What a dude!

- They hit the rave running. It's a massive night out. They even meet a nice guy called Maxwell who is sucked into the friend group and somehow seems to be the one who's paying for everything...

-- Brie is, despite her best wishes, fairly sensible. She wakes up with a sore head.
-- Zeppelino goes into 3000ob debt, but doesn't do anything notably embarrassing.
-- Bulgur disappeared at some point in the evening and wakes up in the morning with 880ob debt and memories of the hand-signs needed to get into the wheat cult he's pretty sure he got initiated into last night.

-- Manrat got nicely drunk but was conned at some point in the night and lost all his remaining money! Not wanting to be left out of the debt shenanigans, he willingly goes into debt with Julgoor anyway.

-- Maxwell owes Julgoor pretty much every last obol of his 7000ob bar tab and was, at the very least, the life of the party! He's won 4 friends at the very least!

--- Me Reaping:

- Those in heavy obol-debt happen to meet up around Julgoor's local banking outlet the next morning. Alas, being in debt to a demon isn't great for you.

- Zeppelino's soul is being held in escrow until he pays back the debt. Bulgur's body is being used for projects while he sleeps. Manrat's dexterity is being held back. Maxwell is a "vulnerable investment" with half AC for the foreseeable.

- Julgoor is gracious and kind though... if the party go on a quest for him (TBD) he'll forgive, or at least reduce, moneys owing.

- Guess we'll see where he sends you next week!

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures:
- Throne of Trash (3000 exp)

- Incredible debt

Total: 3000 exp

Foes:

- A coterie of Goblins, mollified (200 exp)

- A slither of snakes, diplomanced (80 exp)

Total: 280 exp

Carousing:

- Brie van der Hells caroused! (+1000 exp)
- Zeppelino caroused! (+5000 exp)

- Bulgur caroused! (+6000 exp)
- Manrat caroused! (+2000 exp)
- Maxwell caroused! (+7000 exp)

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer and Paymaster (300 exp/level)
- Charles the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp/level)
- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)
- George the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: Retired!

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 57213 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 6 Ratman: 43862 (Level up at 56000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 6 Necromancer: 45646 (Level up at 72000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 6 Goblin: 38039 (Level up at 64000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Minion! +Backstory!

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 4 Specialist: 9756 (Level up at 14000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!