Tuesday, 30 January 2018

Session 165 - Journey's End

Andromeda is dead.
Nix is dead.
Woe, woe, woe.
The poison of the demon spiders brings death.

It is with a heavy heart that I write this recap. May they rest long in our memory.

First, the tragic last letter written by Andromeda to POWERLAD:
To the boy I should have married.
I write this in Muntburg, on the eve of our ascent to the peak of dwimmermount.
I fear the morrow might be the last day that I see you, it is a feeling I cannot shake and if you are reading this, then I am no longer by your side. But do not cry for I am in the Great Hall with my mother and the great Gorgas of legend, hunting, drinking and honoured by the gods.
I woke up from a dream, tears down my cheeks and I cannot return to slumber. I cry because I dared to dream that we had a normal life, a simple life selling honey in Clunge. No demons. No tentacles . No undead. Just you me and a child with your eyes and unwavering bravery.
I feel it, deep inside me, that somewhere out there that my dream is a beautiful truth and that gives me a peace this life never could. I feel a love so strong, so pure, it transcends space, time and casts a blinding light over this dark and twisted mortal realm.
But here in this now I am pushing against the immovable rock of destiny.
I built a rebellion on the foundations of a broken heart, and it feels so hollow. I might be a Gorga, but my father was a wizard and he gave me a heart forged in love not fire like my aunt Lulu.
What did i achive after I rode out of Moondin broken hearted?
We were legends, above all others, misguided young fools, like gods at our best, demons at our worst. We changed the world, but I know in my heart that it will be you alone who saves it.
I will wait for you in the Great Hall and I will sing the loudest of your deeds when it is demanded by the gods for someone to speak of your worth to join us in perpetual glory.
The sun is rising it seems, I must prepare for the task ahead and embrace it like a Gorga.
I wish you had stayed with me tonight... 
Ollie crushes our emotions

Inline images 1
Ollie depicts a new hero rising beneath the black sun and heavenly silver spheres.

Inline images 2
- Charles shows us POWERLAD's wrenching guilt as Andromeda breathes her last.

Inline images 3
- I doodle a similar scene

Session 165 - Journey's End
Campaign Date:
Sunday, 14 January, 1601
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent
Zodiac: Sagittarius

New Backstory:
- Ratimir was too slow to save his bank-robbing comrades because he was massively hungover from a big night on vodkat. They all died, and he knew it was his fault. (Once per session, when someone is knocked down to 0HP, get to their side in a single round by some means.)

Enemies Defeated:
- 16 cyborg rats (160 exp)
- 2 giant spiders (100 exp)
Total: 260 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 6gp, 5sp (305 exp)
- 3 obols (30 exp)
- Specialists Tools
- Silver holy symbol (50 exp)
- A small quantity of True Water
Total: 385 exp

- 9 dungeon rooms explored (180 exp)
- 2 wandering monsters rolled (100 exp)
- Entered level 1 of Dwimmermount (100 exp)
- Alternate entrance to Dwimmermount found (100 exp)
Total: 480 exp

- Muntberg swarms with strangeness. Masked demons walk amongst enormous hissing spiders, tiny colourful people twitch and giggle under the eaves, and muddy misshapen figures stump around on thick oozing legs. (50 exp)
- Walking through this riot of sound and colour under the great shadow of Dwimmermount, the party decides to get supplies for their big trip to collect some Azoth to eventually refuel the Slaughtergrid. (50 exp)
- There are humans here too. Regular people living sinful lives to appease feed their dark masters. It is a good life, but they're very definitely going to hell. Galaxy Johnson buys some supplies off them, holy water and holy symbols which some people having been keeping just in case. (50 exp)
- They ask around about Dwimmermount. There's a big red door everyone knows about which acts as an entrance, and demons feel constant pain when they enter the holy mountain so most avoid it. (50 exp)
- They set off, and partway up the mountain they find a mysterious doorway in the rock by the side of the trail. It's got Ancient Dwarfish runes on it, which Sir Robyn the super-linguist of course knows. It's the "Alchemist's Door" and will only open on a triple alignment between Mars, Mercury and Venus. This is not due to happen for many years. (50 exp)

Inline images 4
- Many attempts are made to open the door to no avail. After many attempts, they head off to the Red Door. (50 exp)
- It's ajar. Inside, down a long staircase into darkness, is a room of headless statues with buckets balancing on the neck stumps. Ratimir sends a rat to investigate, it reports back that there's something oily in there. (50 exp)

Inline images 5

- Galaxy Johnson shoots a fire beam at a bucket to see what happens, and a little voice pipes up going "hey stop that!". A little misshapen dwarf person emerges from the darkness at the bottom of the stairs. (50 exp)
- Randy starts sketching the fuck out saying that it's an abomination that must be destroyed. It turns out that Randy's dwarf clan has to craft their sons from rock due to the incredible rarity of Dwarven women, and this little guy is an Inclusion -  a rock son that turned out wrong. (50 exp)
- Galaxy offers cash to let the party in and Sir Robyn tries to blag entry via blathered legalese, and finally the party is allowed in if they promise to kill the poisonous spiders plaguing the azoth mining operation. (50 exp)
- They travel in, led by "Gav" the two day old little dwarf thing. Randy waits outside with the horse, unable to face the living dwarven abortions. After traversing a big central corridor, a big white circular door at the end of the hallway is spotted. (50 exp)
- Lots of attempts are made to get through this other mysterious door. Most troublingly, magic fizzles when it touches the door. Runes and spells are equally useless. (50 exp)
- Giving it up for now, especially when Gav tells them that the spiders are the other way, a metal door slides back to reveal a bunch of very strange machines with levers and meters and all sorts. (50 exp)

Inline images 13

- Sir Robyn can't help himself, randomly pulling on levers and stuff before the machine blasts him with scalding steam! Barely avoiding getting some nasty burns, he sends in the invulnerable Mr Scamps to do the same. (50 exp)
- Lots of high pitched boiling sounds, lots of steam, Mr Scamps is thoroughly boiled. The sound attracts unwanted attention - a pack of very large rats integrated with strange machinery. (50 exp)

Inline images 8

- Ratimir forms a bulwark with his swarm of regular rats, biting and scratching at their cyborg brethren but getting munched in their dozens in return. (50 exp)
- There are tons of these robotic rodents. Nix wades through the swarms to grab one and wrestle it into submission, which she manages to do despite some hefty bites (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson ignites a magma beam and blasts a chunk of magma into the rats for massive damage! The cyborg rats have had enough of this and flee, leaving Nix to get a good hold of the one she grabbed. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD tinkers with the rat's implants and manages to cut the right wire to deactivate it. The big rat is confused and dazed, but it does tell Ratimir about the machine that built him, bubbling vats and pain. (50 exp)

Inline images 6

- The rat is set free and it staggers off to find somewhere to go recover. Gav tells the party that the spiders are just through the next door past the machine room. (50 exp)
- There's a room slicked with oil, and beyond it more natural-looking caverns covered in spider webs. Sir Robyn calls out in the language of the demon spiders and lo, one approaches. (50 exp)
- It stays back in the shadows, eyes glimmering redly from the ceiling, and Sir Robyn asks if they want help with the dwarf infestation. Tricksy! (50 exp)
- The spider asks how he comes to speak spider despite being a fleshy fleshybag. Sir Robyn blags that he's actually a bee swarm in a human skin, and his friends are leeches. The spider goes off to find its master, the Spawn of Arach-Nacha whose eight eyes can see truth. (50 exp)
- This will evidently be an issue. Gav tells everyone that the spiders are guarding the azoth source and that they hate the fuel being removed. Also they've been killing so many of the dwarfs that they can barely keep up by building more sons. (50 exp)
- The spider returns, and Sir Robyn offers a supply of blood in exchange for "mining rights". Blood honey is offered, and the spider greedily slurps it down... and trips the fuck out! (50 exp)

Inline images 7

- It falls from the ceiling and twitches in ecstasy. The party step over it and walk into the cobweb-covered chamber beyond. This is the furthest in Gav's ever gone. (50 exp)
- He also drops the fact that his kind create new sons by carving them out of rock then pouring a mixture of blood, azoth and clay over their heads. (50 exp)
- The web on the walls and floor isn't particularly sticky, more like candy floss. Some cobweb-covered bodies are looted. In the next area, a pool of water glitters! (50 exp)

Inline images 9

- There's a big pool of the stuff. Initial excitement over having found the azoth is dimmed when it turns out to be just water, but interest is again piqued when Gav says it's True Water. Primordial water which even dissolves moonlight. (50 exp)
- Ratimir chucks a rat in, there is an odd sound and the rat's shape shimmers beneath the surface before darting around and down into the depths. (50 exp)
- The water leaves a strange shimmering rainbow sheen on hands and objects dipped into it. Galaxy Johnson takes a sip and discovers that it makes him feel at full power as though it's a New Moon. (50 exp)

Inline images 10

- Nix, meanwhile, fails her awareness roll and is ambushed from behind by a enormous spider! She falls to the ground, going numb, injected with the dreaded trauma poison of a giant spider. (50 exp)
- Another spider pounces from anoher corridor! Sir Robyn fires off a Faerie Fire, telling the spiders that he'll burn the fucking place down! POWERLAD swings in with a Dragon Punch, summoning a ghostly version of Ninhursag who chomps down on one of the spiders, killing it! (50 exp)
- Andromeda charges at the remaining spider, leaping over Nix's fallen body, but the spider jukes out of the way then sinks its fangs into her side! (50 exp)

Inline images 12

- Nix and Andromeda lie sweating and panicking, poisoned wounds throbbing badly. POWERLAD and Sir Robyn do their Fly + Floating Disk combo to get them out of there. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn drops a match behind them and the highly oxygenated and azoth-infused air detonates with a low boom, killing the last spider and hopefully more besides. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD lands back in town with a thud, shouting for a medic! The backstory ability to find an ally in the area is used to find someone who has antivenom on them! Life beams are aimed at the two victims to help them survive! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD sobs as Andromeda lies dying in his arms. The antivenom wasn't enough. He leans in close as she fades away to hear her last words... (50 exp)
- "It wasn't the poison that killed me... it was your marriage to Bertha". She dies, bloody froth bubbling from her lips. POWERLAD screams in anguish. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson has meanwhile managed to find some sort of leech demon to suck the poison from Nix. But that, too, fails to work. The leech drains her dry. Nix, too, has fallen. (50 exp)

Inline images 11

- The last sliver of the crescent moon shines down on Muntberg. The silver spheres shimmer in the night sky. Nix and Andromeda are dead. Dwimmermount has claimed its first victims. How the fuck are they meant to save the world now? (50 exp)
Total: 2050 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (100 exp)
- Ace Attorney bonus (100 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (100 exp)
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus (100 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (100 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)- Doolittle bonus (50 exp)- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)- Hard Bargain bonus (50 exp)- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)- Kill It With Fire bonus (50 exp)- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)- PETA bonus (50 exp)- Poison is OP bonus (50 exp)- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)- Pyrrhic Victory bonus (50 exp)- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)- WWE bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1150 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Caller (James / Ratimir - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Fraser - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie - 100 exp)
- Guard (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Ollie - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Ollie - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Ollie, Charles - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Timothy - 200 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty, Ollie, Timothy - 500 exp ea.)
- Death's Witness bonus (All witnesses - 100 exp ea.)
- Famous Last Words bonus (Ollie - 200 exp)
- Tragic Death bonus (Ollie, Fraser - 500 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:
- Bone Alone. Wild. 305sp. (Zena's Stake: 203sp, Carrie's Stake: 102sp)
- Honey Healing. Safe. 2095sp. (Nix's Stake: 1747sp. Bertha's Stake: 348sp)
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 505sp. (Sir Robyn)

- -

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Nix Neckbiter, bitten by a giant spider then sucked dry by a giant leech demon in a failed attempt to suck out the venom.
- Andromeda Spiderbite, bitten by a giant spider trying to protect Nix, died from spider venom in POWERLAD's arms.

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 7 Barbarian: 77036 (Level up at 128000)
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 68880 (Level up at 72000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)--- Randy, Level 3 Hench-Dwarf: 4445 (Level up at 8800)*DING!* +1d10 HP! +backstory!
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 26325 (Level up at 48000)
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2 (-10% exp)- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 23405 (Level up at 36000)*DECEASED*
- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 20944 (Level up at 24000)- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 3 Magic-User: 5494 (Level up at 9000)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell! +free spell! +backstory!
- Fraser / Fraser's Next Character: +1366 exp
- Ollie / Ollie's Next Character: +1766 exp

Absent or Retired:
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Tuesday, 16 January 2018

Session 164 - What Happens in the Four Dimensional Art Gallery...

Santa is dead. 4D art is very strange. A dark and murderous new Santa takes flight.
Plus Galaxy Johnson witnesses a gay orgy. I don't know why Charles blames me for that, it was his spell fuckup.

Session's today, so here goes!

Session 164 - What Happens in the Four Dimensional Art Gallery...
Campaign Date:
Wednesday, 18 December, 1600
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent
Zodiac: Sagittarius

New Characters:
- Aces Fontaine, a gambler from Edge who worked in the Greater Edge Library until his gambling habits and the demonic invasion forced him out.

New Backstory:
- Hurtful things were said about Rambunctious Crumpet, but he made them hurt just as much. (Once per session, deal us much damage as you just took to your attacker)
- Sir Robyn moved to the city in his youth to make connections for his family and fell into studying law. It's a glamorous career and he liked the hats. His lecturer, a raccoon called Professor Scamps, suggested they go on the road to gain experience as a journeyman lawyer. That's how he got where he is today. (+1 Charisma)
- It turns out that Ratimir idolises Bertha as someone who came from a lowly background and uses her powers and connections to genuinely make life better for people. The true spirit of communism. (When Bertha succeeds at something, Ratimir gets a +1 to doing the same thing)

Enemies Defeated:
- An extradimensional art yeti (1000 exp)
Total: 1000 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- A gold demon mask (500 exp)
- A snowglobe containing a tiny model of Fortress-City Fate (10 exp)
- A number of small individually precious objects (60 exp)
Total: 506 exp

- First party to enter the Four Dimensional Art Gallery (100 exp)
- Explored 7 dungeon areas (140 exp)
- A secret door found (50 exp)
Total: 290 exp

- We open on that cliffhanger, raccoon familiar soaring through the air towards Oshregaal, contents of the table in midair after a failed attempt to sweep the tablecloth out from under the food. (50 exp)
- The raccoon lands and food and drink smashes to the ground. Oshregaal is laughing uproariously at the entertainment. But SUDDENLY a christmassy jingle of bells is heard followed by an explosion! (50 exp)
- Oshregaal tries to command the barbarians around the dinner table to go check it out, but they're all strung out on blood honey and in no shape to do anything. Reluctantly, Oshregaal asks the party to go check it out. He does keep Randy as a guest/storyteller/hostage though. (50 exp)
- Stepping out onto the chilly mountain road, a thin plume of smoke can be seen rising higher up the slope. An ominous "ho ho ho" can be heard, and vague shadowy figures with eyes like coals can be seen moving around up there. (50 exp)

- By the time the party reach the crash site, the beings are gone. There's lots of smashed blobs of meat that hit the ground at high speed and a whole lot of blood, and a very quaint christmassy sleigh. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn is consulted on the legality of looting a downed aircraft, who kicks the question on to Professor Scamps. It's totally legal! (50 exp)
- Near the downed sleigh, the very shiny red nose of a smashed up reindeer flickers out like a bad lightbulb. Rambunctious cries.  In the sleigh, a fat man in a red suit has been gored, stabbed, gutted, and suffered all sorts of horrid fates. His jaw is partially torn off, and he chokes his last shuddering breaths through the gore. (50 exp)

- A thin gold mask lies on the floor of the sleigh. Professor Scamp is sent to grab it and put it on Santa's face, but nothing happens. Nothing continues to happen when Rambunctious tries to put the mask on. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson uses a beam-light-mass glyph to temporarily heal Santa's jaw, but all he can mouth before he dies is "tis the season to be greedy... purchase... consume...". As he dies his body begins turning into mud, and a snowglobe with a small model Fate inside is revealed inside his chest. (50 exp)

- Santa's expanding silk sack is grabbed. Strange lights can be seen spinning and spiraling above Pembrooktonshire, occasionally plummeting to burn and kill something in the town below, but the screams are ignored. Also seen nearby - a circle of standing stones picturing people being eaten by some great monster. A trail leads to a nearby cave. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn sees the strange language and recognises it from his studies! It's the language of the Yeti, and it says that this is a four-dimensional art gallery! (50 exp)
- Interest piqued, the party enter the cave. The walls drip with moisture, and they decide to follow the exhibit numbers. The first artwork is a block of black basalt that radiates a faint heat. Sir Robyn reads the nearby plaque out of interest. (50 exp)

- The next exhibit is a strange twisting sculpture that seems to almost move. While everyone else appreciates the artwork, Nix smells a dank damp smell and sees smoking eyes in the darkness, but as soon as she turns to warn the others the eyes are gone. (50 exp)

- Moving in further, a few skeletons are seen lying on the ground in an alcove. Rambunctious Crumpet smashes them up, and the name of the artist on the nearby plaque changes to Rambunctious Crumpet. Or was it always so? (50 exp)
- There is a big frozen pool of water ahead filling the cavern. The party are just beginning to discuss how they'll get across when Galaxy Johnson is grabbed by a massive furry hand from behind! Miraculously, he manages to stop it from dragging him back into the darkness! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD acts quickly, smashing it with a massive Magic Missile punch to the fucking jaw. It flies into the darkness, howling. (50 exp)

- Yeti dealt with, the question of how to get across the ice comes back up. It cracks when stepped on, so that's no good. Sir Robyn comes up with the idea of expanding a toy boat from Santa's sack, and the SS Kickass is born! Now about the size of a pedallo, it's perfect. (50 exp)

- Paddling along with bits of broken sleigh, they go down some rapids into warmer water. The next exhibit after making landfall is a flat visually distressing pool or perhaps an opening to a vivid unbroken flat red colour. A rock is thrown in, and it falls forever until it's out of sight. (50 exp)
- In the next room is a door that is the concept of a door. Every person sees it as the door they see in their mind's eye when told to picture a normal door. There's lots of art inside! (50 exp)

- There's a lot of weird shit in here. A hanging marble block with shifting light upon it. A mirror that reflects your residual self-image. A violent explosion of black glass caught in time. It's all so interesting that nobody notices that the giant hand has grabbed Galaxy Johnson again and pulled him silently into the darkness. (50 exp)
- Before he can be strangled to death, he snap-casts an explosion beam! It blows him and the Yeti away from each other and it disappears into the darkness again! Sir Robyn yells out to try and talk to the yeti, but all it says is to use coupon code MYBROTHER for money off at the gift shop. (50 exp)
- They move on, and find another concept of a door behind which are identical exhibits. Hmmm. It seems that this corridor actually loops back round into the same room! (50 exp)
- Also found - a secret room behind a wall that was never there with a large sphere of rock simultaneously in all states of creation and decomposition. Possibly the entrance for four dimensional visitors. (50 exp)
- In an attempt to kill the yeti, a plan is enacted. Galaxy Johnson will again be within reaching distance... but he'll be roped onto everyone else. They set the trap, the others pretend to remark on the art, and Galaxy Johnson is grabbed! (50 exp)
- Galaxy begins to be crushed by the massive paw of the massive beast, but a dead accurate crossbow bolt from POWERLAD and a massive punch from an Enlarged Nix kill the beast! It falls backwards onto a pedestal surrounded by red velvet ropes. The plaque says the piece was a collaboration between several artists. (50 exp)

- With that whole area explored, it's time to get back into the boat. Galaxy spell-swaps to Enlarge and... CHAOS REIGNS! The magical energy goes awry and everyone except Galaxy Johnson and Nix suddenly becomes hopelessly aroused! (50 exp)
- It's a very tactile exhibit. Ahem. While the all-male orgy goes on with considerable intensity, Galaxy Johnson watches on with horror while Nix takes the opportunity to work on her map. Apparently this is nothing particularly outrageous to a Barbarian. Notably, Rambunctious Crumpet uses his ability to "reflect damage back on the attacker" to make things very interesting for his lover. (50 exp)

- In distant Moondin, Bertha wonders how POWERLAD is doing. (50 exp)
- Some time later the orgy peters out. What happens in the four dimensional art gallery stays in the four dimensional art gallery. Unfortunately the Enlarge spell has worn off the boat by now. Was the gay orgy for nothing?! (50 exp)
- Apparently yes. POWERLAD casts Fly, Sir Robyn casts Floating Disk, and together they ferry the rest of the characters across the frozen pond. (50 exp)
- Just as they're reaching the exit, a small personally precious item appears rotating in front of each of them. POWERLAD gets a locket with Bertha's face on it, Rambunctious gets a golden ship that spins around his head, Ratimir gets a small copy of Carl Mouse's Communist Mousifesto, stuff like that. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn states coupon code MYBROTHER and receives a parallel reality version of his raccoon familiar! They're not great friends since one specialises in prosecution and the other specialises in defence, but they're both familiars! (50 exp)
- Upon exiting the cave the lights can still be seen spiralling through the air over the burning town of Pembrooktonshire. One by one, they peel off and shoot overhead towards somewhere in the south. Evil Santa's on the warpath! (50 exp)
- The party argue over whether they should bother rescuing Randy from his fate in Oshregaal's house. Nix and POWERLAD, who know Randy was abandoned by his former party and don't want to do that to the poor guy again, advocate saving him. (50 exp)
- Nix goes in alone, finding the party winding down. Randy is lying on Oshregaal's lap, telling him his life story. A tear rolls down his face when he sees Nix came back for him! Nix chats with Oshregaal for a while, talking about being a demons and stuff. (50 exp)
- He invites everyone to sleep over in his comfy spare bedrooms, but Nix declines. Oshregaal tells her that she and her friends are invited to his next party. Nix and Randy knock on the door to signal that they're ready to leave... and panic when nobody opens the door!! Nix tugs frantically at the handle and is massively relieved when the demon butler opens the door with a look of confusion. It wasn't a trap! (50 exp)
- As she leaves, she passes Rambunctious Crumpet who's coming in to collect the party's coats. The three-armed butler at the coat check can sense he's no longer a virgin and winks. (50 exp)
- He asks how to become a demon, and the butler tells him that he can show him. Rambunctious follows the demon up to a bedroom, feeling pretty sketchy. Apparently dying in the vicinity of the black sun means you're reborn as a demon. (50 exp)
- Rambunctious consents to being killed by erotic strangulation, and during the act he causes his golden floating ship to penetrate the butler. Because of course. Rambunctious Crumpet dies, but at least he enjoyed it. (50 exp)
- ... and somewhere, in some place, under a red sky and a black sun, a shape emerges from the muck and mud at the side of a slowly moving river. Smooth black stones fall from its slopping vaguely-human form as it gasps a first shuddering breath. Another demon is born. (50 exp)
Total: 2250 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Coitus boners (50 exp)- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Homoerotic bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Long Deliberation bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- SpoOOOoOOooOky bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- Trapsetter bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp) 
Total: 950 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Caller (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom / Aces Fontaine - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Extra exp for Ollie's gnarly art attacks last time I forgot (Ollie / Andromeda - 400 exp)

Active Businesses:
- Bone Alone. Wild. 302sp. (Zena's Stake: 201sp, Carrie's Stake: 101sp)
- Honey Healing. Safe. 2034sp. (Nix's Stake: 1696sp. Bertha's Stake: 338sp)

- -

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None!

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 7 Barbarian: 75951 (Level up at 128000)
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2 (-10% exp)

--- Randy, Level 2 Hench-Dwarf: 3655 (Level up at 4400)
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 67078 (Level up at 72000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 24013 (Level up at 48000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 level 3 spell/day! +1 level 1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2 (-10% exp)
- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 18365 (Level up at 24000)- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 2 Magic-User: 2915 (Level up at 4500)
- Tom / Rambunctious Crumpet, Level 2 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 1546 (Level up at 3000)*DECEASED*
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
Absent or Retired:
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 22418 (Level up at 36000)
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Monday, 15 January 2018

Retrospective 16 - The Beginning of the End of the World

It finally happened. They finally unleashed something that will actually truly definitely destroy the entire world.
Shub-Niggurath rises. My world begins to die.
It's pretty fucking exciting actually.
If you love your world, set it free.

In further apocalyptic news, in the beginning of December my laptop tragically stopped charging. Alas, especially since it fucked up a mere few weeks after the warranty expired.

Tom drew this very very good meme
Luckily I was a clever boy and all my dnd stuff was on an SD card so all was not lost.
This is also the reason I took too long to write this retrospective woops. I'll pretend like we've only got up to Session 160 for this post.

But before I delve into the big deal of trying to deal with an actual world-destroying threat, I need to delve into the party's biggest success - eliminating the Mould!
This fucking mould has been around for the longest time. It's even in my first ever blog post.
I'm pretty sure the first time anybody encountered mould creatures was way back in July 2014, but it's hard to tell with the rather svelte recaps. Since then it's been growing and growing in the background while players went to different places and did different things, always knowing that the forest is where the mould is.
Of course the Mould really began looming large in the party's cultural consciousness from April last year. Suddenly everybody was getting infested with this highly contagious, very effective, surprisingly desirable drug-disease. Characters had to be killed by other characters to stop it spreading and a sort of lingering fear of the mould really took hold.

And then, for the Halloween special, I ran Lamentations of the Gingerbread Princess.
At the end of this one there's a statue that grants a wish... but the twist is that the statue (that is to say, the DM) gets to add half as many extra words on the end to "make it interesting".
After about half an hour of intense debate, they wished the Mould away forever. Good work!

The downside was, as you may have guessed, that Shub-Niggurath began to rise. This is something I'd had on a secret timeline since the timeskip, but the threat certainly hadn't felt imminent to the players.
The mistake I made was having no obvious imminent clock ticking down, it was just a secret back-of-house thing. They'd managed to keep the tentacles down by defeating the big one back in May, but without obvious consequences other than me just kinda flat out saying "yea that would have got a lot worse if you hadn't killed it".
Now that the world is properly ending, the stakes are obvious and in the open. The threats are obvious and in the open. Weird shit is obvious and in the open. The timeline to the apocalypse is set.
It's much more exciting.
So that's my main lesson going into the end of the world - be obvious with time bombs and be obvious with stakes. The more the players know about, the more they have to worry about and the more choices they have.

Another thing I really enjoyed about these sessions was Seraph Dawnstride's small but significant arc. Tom has a habit of going off on his own if he's bored of what everyone else is doing. Usually he goes off and dies by what I fondly refer to as "sticking his dick in a blender" ie. dying to something obviously bad.
Usually this is frustrating because he wants to go off somewhere I haven't prepped or thought about much, but this sacrifice had real weight. He sent his character off to the capital city Fate to meet up with his old pre-timeskip character who had become Queen.
In so doing, Seraph sowed religious dissent and was soon summarily and publicly executed for her crimes against the State. Sure, she died. Sure, she didn't fight her fate. But she tipped the city from simmering discontent over into revolution.
I feel like the players might not have realised the true revolutionary impact of her death. Spoilers, but in the background of the campaign the Queen will soon be deposed by a popular revolution of religious zealots whose slow-boiling hatred of the Queen's Necromancer-friendly policies has finally boiled over.
Just in time for the ancient apocalypse failsafes of this brass-and-steam city to trigger and begin to reconfigure into Battlefortress Fate. Leaderless. Divided. Better than I could have planned. It's going to get capital-I Interesting.

The big party theme as we settle into a phase of dealing with the apocalypse has been "get everyone else to stop the apocalypse for us" which is absolutely the best thing I have ever had the honour of presiding over as a dungeon master.
It's been years of the same party getting to grips with the different ever-present threats in my campaign world, and now that it's down to the fucking wire everyone's very aware of who, why and how the different ever-present threats can help with their really really big attempt to daisy-chain a solution to the apocalypse.
Currently I'm pretty sure the plan is to get the Apocalypse Dragon Ninhursag to kill/stymie Shub-Niggurath, then get the Undead to destroy Ninhursag, then work out how to destroy the undead, and so on and so on.

Trust in the intrinsic goodness of humanity, especially when put under pressure, might be one of my deepest held and possibly stupid beliefs. When a disaster occurs people help people to survive. We've seen examples of this forever. Tsunamis. Earthquakes. Whatever. When shit goes wrong, the usual short term reaction is to stick together and to keep each other safe. It's not immediate Mad Max every man for themselves like your generic zombie apocalypse might suggest.

This definitely spills over into the game.
A lot of the challenges involved with saving the world seem to be persuading people that there is something more important than their immediate interests. I've been trying to give every potentially villainous entity a legit reason for the actions since forever, and suddenly these motives have been coming to the surface and being really useful for me as the DM. If your entire life has been trying to stop the undead from killing every human being in the world, it's hard to hear that the whole point of the undead scourge is to create an army that can kill a far more terrifying threat.
I love the talky solution to the apocalypse, getting everyone to unite for one last desperate chance to prevent the destruction of the world. It's completely my jam.


Jesus we spent a lot of time here. It's a very generic megadungeon. I tweaked a lot of the content to, for instance, make the magic items more spooky undead themed instead of generic +1 whatever.
Another thing I did was to add some campaign history into the friezes and frescoes and stuff. I really like how Dwimmermount has a lot of history inside it that applies outside of the dungeon, and it really worked!
I'll do a post about how I fiddled with the Barrowmaze later I'm sure.
On the negative side, lack of morale and lack of talky baddies can make fights pretty boring if you don't really try to amp it up. I didn't realise how boring no-morale combat was before I ran Barrowmaze. I flew too close to the OSR sun, man.
If I was to run Barrowmaze again I'd probably make the skellingtons more talky.

Lamentations of the Gingerbread Princess:
Fucking excellent. Lots of weird shit. Lots of looks-nice-but-is-horrid. Lots of brutal murder by happy cuddly bears and happy cuddly purple poodles. Lots of familiar lotfp goodness. Great fun.
The tainted wish at the end is juuuust perfect.

Folded Fortress:
Anyway I basically took a non-euclidean map from a One Page Dungeon and rekeyed it. It's now the lair of the Gravity Dragon and parallel dimension paradox-clones of other characters who emerged from Dunnsmouth. It was pretty fun for me to see the players meet alternate versions of themselves, or even of dead characters.
If you are a player and you are reading this and you are Fraser - sorry dude, the map is four dimensional so mapping's gonna get fucking weird. You've been doing a really good job, but this will really push your mapping to the limittt.

Friday, 12 January 2018

Session 163 - Honey Trap

And we're back! After many weeks of hopefully good/relaxing/fun christmas and new year, the party decides to go deeper into the mountains and eventually reach the demon-haunted slopes of Dwimmermount.

But on the way... someone's invited them to a party??

Session 163 - Honey Trap

Campaign Date:
Sunday, 13 December, 1600
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent
Zodiac: Ophiuchus

New Characters:
- Sir Robyn, a lawyer who discovered the magical powers of legalese. Is possibly a paralegal for the real lawyer - his raccoon familiar.
- Rambunctious Crumpet - a dung collector from Pembrooktonshire who's very good at being sneaky.

New Backstory:
- Randy turned himself in when an innocent man was being punished in his place. (May force randomly targeted attacks to target you)

Enemies Defeated:
- 4 bee-filled figures (400 exp)
Total: 400 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 167 doses of Blood Honey (8350 exp)
- A handcart
Total: 8250 exp

- Travelled 12 miles or so (40 exp)
- First party to enter Pembrooktonshire (200 exp)
- First party to enter Oshregaal's Place (200 exp)
Total: 240 exp

- In Cound, Nix is busy leading the overweight population in a series of exercise classes while POWERLAD recovers from his brush with death. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson soon reaches the town followed by new arrival Sir Robyn and, controversially, Andromeda Spiderbite. The Butcher of Moondin is here, assuming that all is well now that RISEN has allied with the Rebel Dead. POWERLAD keeps a lid on his emotions... mostly. (50 exp)

- It's a long lonely mountain road to Dwimmermount, so it's decided to stop off in Pembrooktonshire on the way and check the place out. (50 exp)
- After a couple of hours on the road, Andromeda's horse kicking up snow and rock, with the accusing eye of the black sun over Dwimmermount occasionally drifting into view, the party see a bunch of naked people. (50 exp)
- They're hiding behind rocks and bushes, looking the other way and waiting for a couple with a handcart to follow the road round an outcropping of rock. Occasionally a bee will fly out of one's mouth and into another's.  "I bet they're full of bees" says Sir Robyn. (50 exp)

- Andromeda decides to warn the couple and cuts across some boggy rubbly terrain to do so. Unfortunately they are terrified, possibly because they got a glimpse of her bundled up pet basilisk, and run up the scree to escape (50 exp)
- The rest of the party on the road the nude people stirring, confused, at all the noise. There is a flurry of activity as bees fly back and forth between their ears and mouths. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD calls out, and the naked bee people turn to look. The lead one speaks in a buzzing voice as he deflects questions and they cautiously approach the party. (50 exp)
- Meanwhile Andromeda tries to persuade the couple that she's no threat, though they keep throwing rocks at her. The husband offers an invitation to a party at "Oshregaal's Mansion" in exchange for their safety and a bemused Andromeda accepts. (50 exp)
- Communication breaks down with the bee people due to a sneaky Nix failing to quietly climb the rocky outcrop to get behind them. Two enraged bee people scrabble up the slope to attack her, while the other two buzz confusedly. (50 exp)
- Andromeda, across the boggy patch of ground, fires her arquebus from horseback and practically deconstructs the lead bee person! The skin flops back, revealing swarming bees and rich red honey dripping from internal honeycomb! (50 exp)

- POWERLAD and Galaxy Johnson open fire with crossbows and explosion beams, while Sir Robyn blasts one with Fairie Fire and tells him that it's actual fire! The bee man scream-buzzes, falling for it completely! (50 exp)
- The bee people move in, even standing next to them means you get stung by the swirling swarms. Sir Robyn's raccoon familiar casts Hold Portal at the "on fire" bee man, locking the bees in their honeycombs! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD snap-casts an explosion beam glyph at close range, blasting the encroaching bee person away. Galaxy Johnson screams as he's stung by bees. (50 exp)
- Randy fires an enlarge beam at Nix, who uses her enhanced size and strength to tear the one in front of her in half, then slam the halves back together to crush all the bees! (50 exp)
- Andromeda pulls her pet basilisk's head out from the bag and rides across the boggy ground into the battle! Bee-shaped stones clatter to the ground as she rides. "HIVE A NICE DAY!" she screams gleefully. (50 exp)

- The last bee thing bugs out and runs away as fast as his buzzing legs can carry him. The party lets it go.  Gorgonzola the Basilisk scampers about greedily sucking up petrified bees. (50 exp)
- Rich red honey drips treacle-slowly from the honeycomb. Galaxy Johnson can't resist, and licks up a big finger of the stuff. (50 exp)
- Ratimir shows up just in time to see Galaxy Johnson start tripping balls. His every motion is dreamlike, each dream a motion. Is this real? Is he real? Galaxy Johnson greets Ratimir, but discovers he just imagined doing that. Did he dream Ratimir? How to say? (50 exp)

- The Faerie Fire'd and Hold Portal'd bee person presents a problem. It still lives, but how to transport its undamaged honeycomb? A gruesome idea is presented - wrap its whole body in the skin of the two destroyed bee people. Nice. (50 exp)
- But how to transport a whole apparently human corpse? Especially one wrapped in the flensed skin of two other people? Sir Robyn comes up with a flimsy legal pretext to lay claim to the couple's handcart and the body is loaded on there, along with Galaxy Johnson who's still tripping out. (50 exp)
- The couple's meagre belongings are dumped in the mud at the side of the road. Andromeda leaves a gold coin on top as recompense. The husband shouts out a thank you and his wife cries a lot. They're alive! (50 exp)
- They head off towards Pembrooktonshire, especially now that they've got a ton of druggy honey. Galaxy Johnson strokes the soft elastic skin of the bee person under its blanket and dreams strange dreams. (50 exp)
- In the early afternoon, Pembrooktonshire is reached! Slightly before the mountain pass opens out onto the town proper, there is a smooth pillared entrance to a brightly lit cave with "OSHREGAAL'S PLACE!" in glowing flickering neon above. Hey, that's the party we're invited to! (50 exp)
- They keep going into Pembrooktonshire for now, looking for an inn. The affluent, extremely racist and xenophobic populace shy away from the unashamed Ratimir and the ashen grey Galaxy Johnson. Sir Robyn peels off early to look for a lawyer's office and avoid becoming associated with these out-of-towners. (50 exp)

- The Last Stop, a disreputable but nice enough inn on the edge of town is the only place which will serve "foreigners". Rumours are heard within. Galaxy Johnson hears some very exciting rumour about his blood honey being worth millions of gold and all the ladies want to bang him, but alas he is just sitting in a corner staring into space. (50 exp)
- Fresh fancy clothes are purchased by those who care, being Andromeda, POWERLAD and Galaxy Johnson. Andromeda discovers that it's possible that she's married to POWERLAD in all adjacent realities, so she buys POWERLAD's clothes for him. Somewhere in distant Moondin, Bertha feels a chill. (50 exp)

- Galaxy's drugs are wearing off by now and he fills a bucket with the blood honey. Potentially useful in future? The party also overhears that games are on soon to choose a sacrifice for the dragon who lives in the mountains. Then he goes ahead and takes more honey. (50 exp)
- Oshregaal is enquired about. It seems he prefers to invite barbarians and other strange folk to his parties. Nobody is sure where his house came from, but it's there now. People from Pembrooktonshire rarely get an invite, very rude. (50 exp)
- Satisfied, the party head to Oshregaal's place. The cave is well lit with smooth walls. The front of a very art deco two storey mansion is built into the rock, most of the windows covered by curtains, and peacock noises come from a meandering garden path that leads into darkness. (50 exp)
- A dung collector from Pembrooktonshire has followed the party in, and he heads towards the peacock noises. Alas, he has no light source and decides not to investigate further. (50 exp)
- The rest go up to the double doors. The knocker is in the shape of a fat man's big belly, and technically proficient but uninspiring piano music can be heard through the door. (50 exp)
- A big two-headed man answers the door. One of the heads is drunk, the other very polite. They are wearing tails and both heads are wearing top hats. At the polite coughing of the sober head, the other holds a pale blue mask of a sleeping man over its face. (50 exp)
- Andromeda presents her invitation under a psuedonym and the party is invited within. Nix puts the purple demon mask over her face and tries to get in. The bouncer calls bullshit, Nix tries to headbutt him, and accidentally gets tangled up in the heads! It's a mess! The rest of the party awkwardly shuffle in as they untangle themselves. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson, getting used to the honey feeling, sneakily climbs up the wall and smashes into the uncovered window above! He rolls, revealing the hundreds of guns hidden in his coat, and shoots all the corrupt cops in the room while lots of girls swoon and yell "you're so cool Galaxy Johnson!" (50 exp)
- He blinks, and he's inside the waiting room with the rest of the party. Another butler takes everyones coats. He has just the one head with a similar blue mask, but he does have three arms which helps with carrying coats. (50 exp)
- The party is invited towards the main dining room. Inside is a grand dining table covered in a variety of delicious and decadent food. At the head of the table sits a grotesquely fat man, mask tipped up on top of his head to allow easy access to food. Barbarians sit around the table, vacantly smiling at the party as they walk in. (50 exp)

- Sir Robyn steps forward to announce the arrival of Andromeda Buffy Spiderbite and party. He looks confused for a moment, then grins widely and booms out a big "Welcome! Thank you for coming!". The Barbarians glance up at the name, recognition in their dim eyes. (50 exp)
- Oshregaal invites them all to eat and be merry! Galaxy Johnson and Sir Robyn reveal their party gift - a bucket of delicious red honey. They slather it over the food on the Barbarian's plates, who quickly begin to eat, and Oshregaal himself pulls out big handfuls of the honey and slops it all over himself crying "ooHHH delicious! Such flavours!" (50 exp)
- He sees Nix's demon mask and says he'd be very interested in receiving it as a gift, and Andromeda attempts a party trick by whipping the table cloth off the table. It fails. Food is everywhere. Chaos! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn lofts his raccoon familiar into the air and throws it at Oshregaal! This is all too much amusement for him, and he laughs uproariously as the raccoon scampers over his flesh!
- It's late. It's a cliffhanger. I sure hope nothing strangely Christmasy happens. (50 exp)
Total: 2100 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Next to Godliness bonus (50 exp)
- Mountaineer bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- This! Is! Sparta! bonus (50 exp)
- What the Fuck Guys bonus (50 exp)
Total: 600 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Caller (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Ollie, Timothy - 500 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)

Active Businesses:
- Bone Alone. Wild. 302sp. (Zena's Stake: 201sp, Carrie's Stake: 101sp)
- Honey Healing. Safe. 2034sp. (Nix's Stake: 1696sp. Bertha's Stake: 338sp)

- Edge is overrun with demons and Dwarrow is full of refugees. Looters risk damnation by searching through their fallen homes.
- AM&C own the land that every dungeon rests beneath. They charge people to enter, and take a hefty cut of anything claimed.
- Halflings are on the run, demons got them leaving their hovels and coming among us good folk. Kill every last one you see, finish the Lord's work.
- Those who make deals with the devils are reborn as devils. Looters in Edge seen them crawling from river muck all bloody and wailing.
- Three East Unorthodox priests came through last week with a lot of followers. Didn't try to spread their word, paid their bills in good coin. We let them be.
- There's a plan to take a whole load of virgins out into the Drudge Wastes, attract them demons right over. Let the worms and the goblins deal with the damned.

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None!

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 7 Barbarian: 75174 (Level up at 128000)
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2 (-10% exp)

--- Randy, Level 2 Hench-Dwarf: 3270 (Level up at 4400)
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 66224 (Level up at 72000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 22018 (Level up at 36000)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 4 Elf (Alpdrucke): 22982 (Level up at 24000)
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2 (-10% exp)
- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 17596 (Level up at 24000)- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 2 Magic-User: 2046 (Level up at 4500)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 lvl 1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
- Tom / Rambunctious Crumpet, Level 2 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 1546 (Level up at 3000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 skill points! +backstory!
Absent or Retired:
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)