Thursday 26 January 2017

Session 121 - YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP!

Now that was a session.
Thanks heaps, all, for helping me work out what was going on through all the chaos!

Guido climbing the side of the ship like a skeletal King Kong
T-Boning an enemy ship and unleashing broadsides from within
Jade weeping blood as Lulu smashes her way through a whole ship's crew
The Captain blasted off the ship by the ghosts of drowned sailors
The flamethrower hitting the ship's magazine
It was wild!

Will out intrepid band of heretical murderers finally get some admin in?
Stay tuned!


Now some art attacks -

Inline images 1
- Tom tries to sum up the madness

Inline images 2
- Fraser sculpts the RADDEST huge mould guy

Inline images 3
- I also attempt to sum up the madness

Inline images 4
- Guido cameo

Session 121 - YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP!

Campaign Date:
Saturday, 6 April, 1550
Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Zodiac: Pisces

New Backstory:
- Grizje was very overweight due to alcoholism, with his wife Josephine dead and his life's work having brought nothing but horror he gave himself to the demon drink (+1 AC for ten minutes after downing alcohol)

Enemies Defeated:
- The heavily armoured captain, ghost-blasted overboard (75 exp)- At least 200 sailors, blown up (2000 exp)
- At least as many mould people, consumed in fire (2000 exp)
Total: 4075 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Just be glad you don't lose exp for losing valuable items I guess?!
- 4 fish, courtesy of Lulu
Total: 0 exp

Exploration:- 18 miles of travel (60 exp)
Total: 60 exp

Events:

- Peaceful sailing on the River! We begin with Lulu on the deck of the longship tied up alongside the temple-ship, Jade tying the captain up and stuffing him in a locker, and the rest of the party half a day's travel away. (50 exp)
- Lulu skinned her longboat's single sailor for desertion, and uses his corpse to successfully fish from the river as they travel (50 exp)
- As the rest of the party close in on the pickup area, they pass a scene of recent battle. No corpses to be seen, but much blood. (50 exp)
- Templeship Eppur Si Muove sways through the water towards the pickup zone, and a large hulk is spotted anchored in the middle of the river! A lifeboat of several people is paddling away. (50 exp)
- Lulu unmoors and heads towards the lifeboat, seeing refugees on board she turns to talk and pick them up. (50 exp)
- But wait! Jade is here! She runs up to the helmsman and they have an altercation, the helmsman disappearing belowdecks to get the captain. (50 exp)
- Left at the wheel, Jade steers the temple-ship straight towards the hulk! Ramming speed! (50 exp)
- Lulu skilfully evades the onrushing ship, but the refugees aren't so lucky. They capsize, and Lulu helps them on board. (50 exp)
- CRASH! The temple ship bisects the hulk, spearing it through the port side! Sailors fall from rigging, the occupants of the hulk are thrown to the deck! (50 exp)
- On the shore, the rest of the party watches aghast as they see an ornate golden ship, huge bell ringing, crash through another! (50 exp)
- The Helmsman comes back, bereft of captain, and sees what Jade has done. He goes to punch her in the face with his knuckledusters... and Jade swaps a spell to intentionally invoke chaos. (50 exp)
- The Helmsman's punch connects, Jade staggers back and the Chaos Burst is unleashed!!! She is now... immune to sarcasm. (50 exp)
- Her spell swap, a separate roll, goes off. She Casts the Bones and begins weeping blood uncontrollably, a blood-drenched halo dripping above her head! (50 exp)
- The point of all this, to cast Message, doesn't even work. There's something obviously demonic going on! (50 exp)
- On the shore, Zan's got a plan, man. He casts Water Walk on Guido, who picks up Sophia and Gorund under each arms, and sprints across the river's surface itself! (50 exp)
- Lulu's managed to spend this time pulling back up alongside the temple ship. She climbs a rope, sees Jade under attack from many sailors and the helmsman, and unleashes her RAGE (50 exp)
- Jade's getting shanked while screaming and weeping blood, some sailors peel off to deal with this insane woman with no weapons and glowing gold tattoos who is clearly also demonic! (50 exp)
- Lulu punches fucking four dudes off the ship in one strike. The spell she absorbed last week goes off, and the evil baboon idol is back! Spinning in the air and unleashing judgement! (50 exp)
- Lulu and Jade roll equally well and actually gain Intelligence! The sailors lose their shit but their morale is unbroken. They fight for their ship! (50 exp)
- Guido reaches the ship and begins to climb. Those inside see a dark, skeletal shape SMASH its bony silver hand into the window! They scream! Guido et al get onto the deck (50 exp)
- They see, to stern, Lulu's aristeia as she beats up waves of sailors. To bow, countless mould-diseased weirdoes are jumping onto the temple ship from the breach! Sailors are in a tense battle for their lives! Most notable is a huge hulking fungal guy like 7' tall. (50 exp)
- Guido is absolutely tearing these sailors to shreds, but Grijze tells him to stop and also asks why everyone is fighting. The surviving sailors are in too much shock to do much but stare (50 exp)
- Zan has cast Water Walk on himself and Cranky Jim, they sprint over the water carrying POWERMAN between them. They don't want to risk him touching the water! (50 exp)
- Sophia ghost-blasts the huge fungal man backwards onto his own ship, evening the odds for the sailors. (50 exp)
- The Captain emerges onto the deck in full battle regalia... plus a massive shoulder-mounted gun! A ghostly green man, antlers upon his brow, seems to reach over and hold the gun in his lithe arms. (50 exp)
- Sophia is having none of that and ghost-blasts him off the starboard side. So much for him! (50 exp)
- Gorund puts on his half-mitre and jumps down a hatch into the gun deck. The mould men and sailors do muffled battle in the dark, but his voice roars! Fire the cannons! FIRE! (50 exp)
- They do so, and the mighty broadsides blast into the skewered mould hulk from the INSIDE! Many inside are destroyed! (50 exp)
- Zan and Cranky Jim have reached the longship. Zan jumps up onto the temple-ship, while Grijze jumps down onto it. (50 exp)
- They unmoor, hook up the mighty flamethrower, and begin burning the mould hulk! The spores drifting from the vessel pop as they burn, and mould men cease jumping on board the temple-ship so long as the fire continues! (50 exp)
- Lulu is still kicking the shit out of these sailors even though reinforcements keep arriving. She gets kicked against the side of the ship at one point, turns, and jumps back into glorious battle. They stab her with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast! (50 exp)
- Rather than queue up get killed by the raging barbarian princess who's murdering all their shipmates, a couple of them instead decide to go make sure the demonic blood jesus with the bleeding halo is properly dead. (50 exp)
- It is argued that this is irrational, but I guess they must have had their reasons. (50 exp)
- Jade's fingers get cut off by these guys as she stops playing dead and tries to block with her hand! Somehow between the crying tears of blood, the blood halo, and the fingers, the blood loss sends her blind as she loses consciousness. (50 exp)
- Zan runs over with a suspected Health potion and... thank fuck! It is a health potion! Jade's unconscious but ok! (50 exp)
- The ships, smashed together, have drifted enough in the current to crash into the nearby sandbank! The Longboat is trapped between them and the shore, and begins pumping flame into the cannon holes of the temple ship! (50 exp)
- They hit the magazine. (50 exp)
- It detonates. (50 exp)
- Last chance time. Lulu grabs Jade's unconscious and bloody body then dives off the ship, parachute-cloak opening to allow her to ride the explosion. (50 exp)
- The rest dive dive dive off the ship! While Sophia et al manage to swing off onto the longboat by the rigging, Guido goes plop like a stone. (50 exp)
- Those on the longboat see both ships absolutely EXPLODE, the shockwave sending the longboat skidding up the shore and onto the sandbank. Miraculously, everyone is safe! (50 exp)
Total: 2050 exp

Misc:
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)
- Heresy bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Infamy bonus (50 exp)
- Kill it with Fire bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)
- Monster Infighting bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- This! Is! Sparta! bonus (50 exp)
- War Crime bonus (50 exp)
- Amputation bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
- Inspiring Speech bonus (Gorund - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Jade, Svetnir - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Art bonus (Jade, Svetnir - 100 exp ea.)- Badass Backstory bonus (Grijze - 100 exp)
- Recap Remembrancer bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Gorund, Lulu, Cranky Jim, Svetnir - 100 exp ea.)
- Near Death Experience bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
Total: 950 exp + bonuses
Rumours:
- A temple ship blew up on the Deeprush! (presumably a rumour now)

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Jade, lost four fingers and her vision!

[[]]

Exp Totals:
Oli / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 7 Barbarian: 85493 (Level up at 128000)
Charles / Zan, Spermling of Zea, Level 7 Cleric (Termaxian): 66427 (Level up at 112000)
Kitty / Sophia, Level 6 Necromancer: 52545 (Level up at 72000)-- POWERMAN!, Level 5 POWERFIGHTER: 17510 (Level up at 32000)
-- Guido, Possessed Skull on giant skeleton
Andy / Cranky Jim, Level 6 Dwarf: 49451 (Level up at 70400)
Henry / Gorund, Level 5 Specialist: 21317 (Level up at 24000)
Tom / Jade, Level 4 Elf (Languid Wastrel): 14459 (Level up at 24000)James / Dr. Grijze van Held, Level 3 Specialist (Doctor): 3962 (Level up at 6000)
Fraser / Svetnir, Level 3 Goblin: 4589 (Level up at 8000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 goblin buddy!

Absent or Retired:
Sascha / Deek, Level 1 Specialist (Jack-of-all-Trades): 480 (Level up at 1500)
Warren / Dante, Level 2 Elf (Flitting Gad): 3586 (Level up at 6000)
Fraser / Jumarak, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 54957 (Level up at 72000)
Dominic / Sir Stabbington Shanks, Level 7 Fighter: 68702 (Level up at 128000)
Tom / Seraph Dawnstride, Level 2 Cleric (Nonanist): 2979 (Level up at 3500)
Kyle / Jain Doe, Level 6 Dwarf: 40594 (Level up at 70400)

Anthony / Grunt, Level 3 Barbarian: 5298 (Level up at 8000)

Charlie / Una, Level 2 Specialist (Rogue): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Tomas / Shiz Nittlebam, Level 2 Magic User: 3877 (Level up at 4500)
Richard / Stonecold, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 2264 (Level up at 4500)

Owen / Guyphy, Level 1 Elf (Scalbert Gumph): 1245 (Level up at 3000)
Clo / Bamuk, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3869 (Level up at 4500)
Will / Walkul the Rogue, Level 1 Specialist: 1301 (Level up at 1500)

Dominic's (?) Retainer
-- Dr Charmington, Level 3 Specialist (Quack): 4821 (Level up at 6000)
Joe / Joe's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 321 (Level up at 2250)
Steve / Brand Earthhammer, Level 1 Fighter: 395 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver R / Reynard, Level 3 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 4077 (Level up at 6000)
Matteo / Lucifer, Level 1 Necromancer: 933 (Level up at 2250)

Ellie / Ellie's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 744 (Level up at 2250)
Jerry / Jerry's Next Character, Level 1 ???: 200 (Level up at ???)
Daniel / Nash, Level 1 Fighter: 455 (Level up at 2000)
Sarah / Mana, Level 4 Specialist (Thief): 13447 (Level up at 24000)
Jim / Jim's Fighter, Level 1 Fighter: 241 (Level up at 2000)
Louis / Louis' Next Character, Level 1 ???: 2062 (Level up at ???)
Oliver R / Osar, Level 2 Specialist (Dabbler): 661 (Level up at 3000)
Charlie / Le Chaz III, Level 1 Cleric: 670 (Level up at 1750)
David / Theras, Level 5 Specialist (Assassin): 13422 (Level up at 24000)
Mariana / Joe Joe, Level 5 Halfling: 28949 (Level up at 32000)
Dana / Bingo Augustus, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19863 (Level up at 36000)
James / Quarion, Level 3 Elf (Gremling): 7947 (Level up at 12000)
Gary / Skirr Abderian, Level 1 Specialist (Thief): 416 (Level up at 1500)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 4018 (Level up at 7000)
Wai / Mogwi Stitch-Up, Level 2 Specialist: 2715 (Level up at 3000)
Sam / Lucados Orbrus, Level 2 Fighter: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Clay / Carthas, Level 1 Fighter: 371 (Level up at 2000)
John / West, Level 1 Cleric: 521 (Level up at 1750)
Hayley / Bob, Level 2 Dwarf: 2999 (Level up at 4400)
Niall / Roht, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 722 (Level up at 2250)
??? / Unnamed Cleric of the Garden God, Level 1 Cleric: 0 (Level up at 1750)
Florent / Sir Arthur, Level 1 Fighter: 186 (Level up at 2000)
Jamie / Alden, Level 1 Magic-User: 186 (Level up at 2250)
Ben / Thant, Level 1 Cleric: 186 (Level up at 1750)
Mike / Arran Folynn, Level 1 Specialist (Rogue): 186 (Level up at 1500)
Alex / Arhnin, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1518 (Level up at 3000)
Daniel / Davrak, Level 1 Magic User: 976 (Level up at 2250)
Nuno / Temperion, Level 1 Magic User: 742 (Level up at 2250)
Leo / Leo, Level 4 Cleric: 11102 (Level up at 14000)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 5 Dwarf: 19420 (Level up at 35200)
-- Mr Pig, Level 1 Porcine.
Aron / Alphonse the Gentleman Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1184 (Level up at 2000)
Nimrod / U, Level 2 Specialist (Monk): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)
Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)
-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar
Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)
Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

Tuesday 24 January 2017

Retrospective 12 - Halloween Gimmick Season

Coming into Halloween, I sought to give the players a choice.
Which Halloween module do you want to do?
They chose both.

But it was good times! Albeit they spent so long in the Cursed Chateau that we had the Christmas Gimmick dungeon in there too.
Luckily for them, the Halloween dungeons got in the way of their planned assault on Fortress Deathfrost, giving their characters a few extra months lease on life.

I got a bit bored of the "You're trapped in a dungeon!" gimmick at this point. Not only had they spent a long time in the Vagina Dungeon, they'd previously been trapped in the Grinding Gear and would go on to be trapped inside the Tales of the Scarecrow field (by a tentacle monster) and the Cursed Chateau (by a forcefield).
I let Dispel Magic cut a temporary hole in the chateau forcefield just to prevent them being completely trapped, not that they ended up taking that option.

We see Tom go through a few characters. He's died a fair amount, but he tends to cycle through new characters until he finds one he likes. Ludovico gets eaten by possessed chairs, so Jade is created and does well for herself!

On the same theme, we see a few people retire characters in order to try something new. 
The "glass ceiling" of high level play does tend to put a dampener on level-based progression after a while, mostly because my players refused to go into the dangerous high-risk high-reward places. For good reason, it later turns out!

We also had the frog monster session! The Cursed Chateau has a pool in the basement that goes down to an ancient city of the Deep Ones. A character decided to grab one that was running away and follow it down.
Rather than just instant death, I told everyone that they could save the guy by rescuing him from the Deep Ones! In the end, retired characters were brought in for what ended up being a suicide mission.
One of the more brutal Bad Ends, because everyone who went down there ended up being living wombs for the Deep Ones.

I don't think we see any actual new players in this time frame though, which is good! Usually the group's up to 7-10 players per session, so it's at breaking point.

Session 120 sees the party STEAL A SHIP! For the next week I was on maximum overdrive trying to work out what gameplay changes I'd be seeing, only for them to break it the very next session. Oh well.


Possibly the most classically artistic art attack to date

Mini Reviews:

Real cool little can-be-placed-anywhere adventure.
Spooky heretical book is an awesome bit of worldbuilding - it's an MU spellbook that has a chance of containing Cleric spells, castable by an MU. If the MU casts a Cleric spell in the vicinity of a classed Cleric, that Cleric loses the ability to cast that spell forever. If he tells another Cleric about what happened, the same thing happens to them. Brutal.
I made a little booklet with excerpts on the nature of Law/Chaos in there which was really fun, especially since the party Cleric immediately started saying "ooh that's interesting" and saying a lot of heretical stuff after reading.

The Cursed Chateau:
A very socially-oriented haunted house. Lots of ghosts to talk to, but also lots of spooOOoOOooky atmospheric random encounter effects like "you hear a child crying" and "a painting falls off a wall" and stuff.
A few people died in here, notably to the ravenous furniture (!) and the twin guards.
Having previously-killed people coming back like nothing happened (since they're ghosts and all) was a fun thing to have happen.
Notably, the ghosts here are corporeal because they're partially undead and partially some sort of memory construct of the master of the manor, at least how I played them.
Oh yea! That's the best bit. This bored French guy possesses the chateau and is constantly commenting on the action. As players get hurt and die he gets more and more gleeful until you finally cure his ennui and he lets you go. Great fun!

Dungeon of IAXWW
So topical! I made this dungeon as a 2016 "how weird was this year though?" showcase which was actually real fun.
Trump grabbed someone's pussy so hard that they died of a crushed pelvis. Good times.

Monday 23 January 2017

Session 120 - Homewreckers

Good session! In all my vague ideas of what you guys would get up to in the future, none of them involved a random encounter turning into you guys stealing a massive ship via sex magic and subterfuge.
Makes it easier to assault the Witch-Pirate I guess!

Various rules bollocks so you're all on board with how things work, mostly because they're new and make more sense when you can see the tables -

Books!
Of these you know. I wanted to make bookshelves and libraries more interesting, so it's basically a big old list of topics with a hash code so I can look it up.
The idea is that you ask me questions on the book's subject, and you get better answers depending on the number of books you've got available to reference.

​​Hopefully it makes collecting books and/or researching things more interesting, and gives me ways to dispense game lore!
Spells!
Spellcasters can all swap spells while casting now, not just Clerics. New policy is that if you didn't write down your prepared spells (aka spells in your head) at the start of the day, every spell counts as a spell swap.

​Penalty based on the levels of the spells you're swapping.
+1 Bonus per HP you sacrifice during the swap.
Obviously lower results are metaphysically Worse.

Necromancers don't have to roll on the table, they just deal damage to themselves and everyone around them. 


​-
 Longboat, by Fraser

Also attached are two COMPETING WORDS OF THE LORD from Jade and Lulu.
Such wondrous heresy.

Finally, I'm embarrassingly proud of this recap's title pun -


Session 120 - Homewreckers

Campaign Date:
Wednesday, 3 April, 1550
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Zodiac: Pisces

New Characters:
-
 Hayashi "Jack" Keito, Samurai from the ancient and alien warring states of Nippon, forced to dig graves for himself and family but killed his foes with the sword he was to gut himself with. Dishonoured, he fled on a Dutch ship to Loegria.

New Backstory:
- Jade struggled on the streets of Fortress-City Fate, a lowly whore who was once a courtesan. She stood up to a pimp, but it didn't go well for her. (At will, force a creature to prioritise you)
- Svetnir grew in the goblin ghettoes that lie between Edge and Dwarrow, he left in the hopes of finding fame, fortune, and less entrenched racism. (+1 Constitution)
- Grijze was involved in hideous bio-experimentation alongside a gifted man named Victor. When the creature stirred and they had to flee, the older Grijze demanded that the more talented Victor go on without him! (While fleeing, may grant your flee roll to another)

Enemies Defeated:
- A whole temple-ship! Captured by devious means (500 exp)
- The alleged Lord Joudain, crucified (50 exp)
- The actual Lord Joudain, cured of ennui (500 exp)
Total: 1050 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- A whole temple-ship!
- 100 sp (100 exp)
- Book #249 - Mammals
- Book #209 - The Deep Gods
- Book #193 - Exploration of the New World
- Book #252 - Surgery
- Book #184 - On the Monstrous
- Book #116 - Ur-Darghab, City of the Deeps
Total: 100 exp

Exploration:- Explored one additional room of the Chateau (20 exp)
- 18 miles of travel (60 exp)
Total: 80 exp

Events:

- A tale in two to three parts
-- Team Chateau. Intention: to find the lord of the cursed mansion and kill him.
- After waking and waving goodbye to Jade and Lulu, the rest continue exploring. (50 exp)
- A grand bedroom with... THE GUY! The guy in the paintings! He's just walking around in here! (50 exp)
- Nobody can speak Occitan... except Grijze van Held! Phew. They chat for a bit, Lord Joudain offers to give them a tour of the place. (50 exp)
- Those two guards, Jaume and Miquel, come in and make obvious "oh we'll take care of them, sir" comments, Zan laments the lack of a Sense Motive skill even though he is clearly sensing their motive just fine on his own. (50 exp)
- As the party move along with the guard dudes, Gorund hides behind the curtains and Cranky Jim hangs back to stay near the bedroom. Three-way split! (50 exp)
- The guards ask what the tourists want to see, and they say the wine cellar. Knowing looks and nudging from the guards. But when they get down there, someone's stolen the expensive wine bottles!! (50 exp)
- Grijze and Zan show the guards proper wine tasting with the ghostly wine from the barrels, getting them really very drunk. (50 exp)
- The tour continues, but as they ascend the stairs an old lady is there! She berates them for getting drunk and starts attacking them with her handbag! The others leave them to it, but watch. The ghostly lord of the manor begins to chuckle... (50 exp)
- While this has been going on, Gorund and Cranky Jim have been busy! While Gorund rifles through the bookshelf for interesting tomes, Cranky Jim walks in and tries to talk to Lord Joudain... then shanks him with an iron spike! (50 exp)
- A crit! He disables him instead of killing him, realising as he does so that this guy has some fairly notable differences to the paintings. His eyes are a different colour, and his teeth are a bit wonky. (50 exp)
- Cranky Jim crucifies the pretender against the wall. The "real" Lord Joudain's head forms in the wall and laughs! The Virgin Sword is buried in his wood-textured head... but gets stuck. (50 exp)
- Pissed off, Cranky Jim guts the false Joudain, ties his entrails to a chair, and throws it out the window. Real Joudain is fucking LOVING it. "ohohoho! I sink you 'ave cured mah ennui!" (50 exp)
- The whole house becomes writhing laughing figures! And begins sinking into the ground!! Time to bail, but it's hard when the whole house is laughing figures holding you back to laugh against you. (50 exp)
- Grijze gives his "go on without me!" fleeing die to Zan, who legs it. Svetnir sprints out the front door but tragically leaves his goblin buddy offspring behind. (50 exp)
- Gorund and Cranky Jim run past the still-stuck virgin sword and jump out the second storey window, hoping to use the entrails as a rope to swing on! ... landing harmlessly on the ground a couple of feet below as the chateau tips and breaks apart (50 exp)
- Grijze pulls himself together and, despite the odds, manages to just leap out a tall first floor double door before it sinks below ground level! He stares around as the chateau caves in on itself. Survival for all!  (50 exp)
-- Team Thwarted Admin. Intention: Equipment tables, carousing.
- Jade and Lulu leave the chateau, heading for the river where Lulu's quantum longship is totes tied up. Sure, I guess that's fine. (50 exp)
- Overland trip uneventful except for a rotting cow skull hanging from a tree. They reach the longship in good time. (50 exp)
- Hey, Lulu's quantum ship-look-after guy is here! Hello, Corrin. They unmoor and begin to sail off, scheming about how they'll spend all their money. (50 exp)
- BONG! BONG! A church bell rings... from an enormous and ornate temple-ship! One of these again! It draws up alongside, and a man in obnoxiously ornate armour booms down that they should prepare for inspection. (50 exp)
- Jade's feminine wiles come good once more, and she offers to let him inspect her ;) (50 exp)
- He accepts! Lulu and Jade climb up to the good ship Eppur Si Muove and begin a seduction attempt. I suddenly realise I have to run a sex scene that doesn't fade to black. (50 exp)
- Buttering him up with expensive wine from France, the ladies begin to seduce the surprisingly young, surprisingly inexperienced captain. The first mate closes the door. (50 exp)
- Out the window... fuck! Corrin's sailing off with all the loot! Lulu's luck holds and the temple-ship fires upon him, forcing him to come back. (50 exp)
- Jade tries to sexily magically get him out of his armour with a Chime of Release - and I get to try out the new spell swapping rules! The chime goes off but some of the magic spills out into the world! A golden idol spins garishly in the middle of the room! Jade's face gets uglier! the captain begins to cry golden maggots while screaming! OH FUUU (50 exp)
- Lulu blinks, her tattoos and eyes glowing gold with power. She has absorbed the magic! Thank fuck for that. They begin massaging the now-nude captain again when... he suddenly shudders and begins apologising. (50 exp)
- Mildly amused at his premature predicament, Jade tugs on the Skull Switcher glove and punches him in the face! (50 exp)
- Jade is the captain now. The captain, in Jade's body, panics and goes for the door. Lulu puts a stop to that. (50 exp)
- Striding out onto the deck, Captain!Jade bellows to the crew! Holding aloft a mug of water, s/he tells of the miracle that has been experienced! The Gods have come to this place! By their emissaries, Lulu and Jade! (50 exp)
- S/he splashes the water from the mug everywhere... and it becomes wine! A con involving the Farage Mug, but incredibly convincing! The crew cheer! (50 exp)
- A new target of their religious ire is set - they shall sail out to destroy the dreaded Witch-Pirate of Guernsey! And maybe pick up some other holy crusaders on the way maybe! Huzzah!!! (50 exp)
Total: 1550 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Antagoniser bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Heresy bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Master of Disguise bonus (50 exp)
- Mind Control to Major Tom bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)- Art Attack bonus (Svetnir - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
- Find-and-Replace Fiction Fanatic bonus (Lulu - 10 exp)
- Recap Remembrancer bonus (Gorund - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Grijze, Zan, Lulu, Gorund, Svetnir - 100 exp ea.)
- Inspiring Speech bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
Total: 600 exp + bonuses
Rumours:
- Soooooon

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None!?

[[]]

Exp Totals:
Oli / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 7 Barbarian: 84553 (Level up at 128000)
Charles / Zan, Spermling of Zea, Level 7 Cleric (Termaxian): 65587 (Level up at 112000)
Andy / Cranky Jim, Level 6 Dwarf: 48511 (Level up at 70400)
Henry / Gorund, Level 5 Specialist: 20277 (Level up at 24000)
Tom / Jade, Level 4 Elf (Languid Wastrel): 13119 (Level up at 24000)Fraser / Svetnir, Level 2 Goblin: 3449 (Level up at 4000)James / Dr. Grijze van Held, Level 3 Specialist (Doctor): 3022 (Level up at 6000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points!
Absent or Retired:
Kitty / Sophia, Level 6 Necromancer: 51705 (Level up at 72000)-- POWERMAN!, Level 5 POWERFIGHTER: 17090 (Level up at 32000)
-- Guido, Possessed Skull on giant skeleton
Sascha / Deek, Level 1 Specialist (Jack-of-all-Trades): 480 (Level up at 1500)Warren / Dante, Level 2 Elf (Flitting Gad): 3586 (Level up at 6000)
Fraser / Jumarak, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 54957 (Level up at 72000)
Dominic / Sir Stabbington Shanks, Level 7 Fighter: 68702 (Level up at 128000)
Tom / Seraph Dawnstride, Level 2 Cleric (Nonanist): 2979 (Level up at 3500)
Kyle / Jain Doe, Level 6 Dwarf: 40594 (Level up at 70400)

Anthony / Grunt, Level 3 Barbarian: 5298 (Level up at 8000)

Charlie / Una, Level 2 Specialist (Rogue): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Tomas / Shiz Nittlebam, Level 2 Magic User: 3877 (Level up at 4500)
Richard / Stonecold, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 2264 (Level up at 4500)

Owen / Guyphy, Level 1 Elf (Scalbert Gumph): 1245 (Level up at 3000)
Clo / Bamuk, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3869 (Level up at 4500)
Will / Walkul the Rogue, Level 1 Specialist: 1301 (Level up at 1500)

Dominic's (?) Retainer
-- Dr Charmington, Level 3 Specialist (Quack): 4821 (Level up at 6000)
Joe / Joe's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 321 (Level up at 2250)
Steve / Brand Earthhammer, Level 1 Fighter: 395 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver R / Reynard, Level 3 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 4077 (Level up at 6000)
Matteo / Lucifer, Level 1 Necromancer: 933 (Level up at 2250)

Ellie / Ellie's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 744 (Level up at 2250)
Jerry / Jerry's Next Character, Level 1 ???: 200 (Level up at ???)
Daniel / Nash, Level 1 Fighter: 455 (Level up at 2000)
Sarah / Mana, Level 4 Specialist (Thief): 13447 (Level up at 24000)
Jim / Jim's Fighter, Level 1 Fighter: 241 (Level up at 2000)
Louis / Louis' Next Character, Level 1 ???: 2062 (Level up at ???)
Oliver R / Osar, Level 2 Specialist (Dabbler): 661 (Level up at 3000)
Charlie / Le Chaz III, Level 1 Cleric: 670 (Level up at 1750)
David / Theras, Level 5 Specialist (Assassin): 13422 (Level up at 24000)
Mariana / Joe Joe, Level 5 Halfling: 28949 (Level up at 32000)
Dana / Bingo Augustus, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19863 (Level up at 36000)
James / Quarion, Level 3 Elf (Gremling): 7947 (Level up at 12000)
Gary / Skirr Abderian, Level 1 Specialist (Thief): 416 (Level up at 1500)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 4018 (Level up at 7000)
Wai / Mogwi Stitch-Up, Level 2 Specialist: 2715 (Level up at 3000)
Sam / Lucados Orbrus, Level 2 Fighter: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Clay / Carthas, Level 1 Fighter: 371 (Level up at 2000)
John / West, Level 1 Cleric: 521 (Level up at 1750)
Hayley / Bob, Level 2 Dwarf: 2999 (Level up at 4400)
Niall / Roht, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 722 (Level up at 2250)
??? / Unnamed Cleric of the Garden God, Level 1 Cleric: 0 (Level up at 1750)
Florent / Sir Arthur, Level 1 Fighter: 186 (Level up at 2000)
Jamie / Alden, Level 1 Magic-User: 186 (Level up at 2250)
Ben / Thant, Level 1 Cleric: 186 (Level up at 1750)
Mike / Arran Folynn, Level 1 Specialist (Rogue): 186 (Level up at 1500)
Alex / Arhnin, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1518 (Level up at 3000)
Daniel / Davrak, Level 1 Magic User: 976 (Level up at 2250)
Nuno / Temperion, Level 1 Magic User: 742 (Level up at 2250)
Leo / Leo, Level 4 Cleric: 11102 (Level up at 14000)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 5 Dwarf: 19420 (Level up at 35200)
-- Mr Pig, Level 1 Porcine.
Aron / Alphonse the Gentleman Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1184 (Level up at 2000)
Nimrod / U, Level 2 Specialist (Monk): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)
Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)
-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar
Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)
Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

Thursday 12 January 2017

Session 119 - The Endless Depths of Bad Taste

You know, even though I know that this game tends towards weird shit, we probably had the hardest-to-explain-to-outsiders session in a long time this week.

It was when Eleyn surfaced and you guys caused swarms of rats to burst from her sundry orifices that I realised that I could never really beat you guys at the Weird Horror game.

Many deaths, as many level-ups. Such is life.
It is fitting that Eleyn ended up like this. She became defined by the horror of eternal life, and now she begets life forever more.
It's poetic, man.




NSFW, by Tom

Inline images 2Inline images 1
Tries to separate these but can't somehow. Frog monster sculpture by Fraser.
Little fishy things by me I guess.


Session 119 - The Endless Depths of Bad Taste

Campaign Date:
Wednesday, 3 April, 1550
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Zodiac: Pisces

New Backstory:
- Jade alleges that the previous incarnation of the Fated King, who bore a striking resemblance to our own timeline's Henry VIII, was so besotted with Jade that he made moves on her. It was then that she realised that she could seduce any man. (Once per session, cause someone to make a romantic advance on you)

Enemies Defeated:
- None.
Total: 0 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- A brooch with embossed frog and green gem eyes -- ref: chateau B6
- 200gp, 3000sp (13000 exp)
- Scroll #344 - suspected Cure Critical Wounds scroll
Total: 13000 exp

Exploration:- Discovered an alternate exit from the Chateau (100 exp)
- First party to enter the DEEPS BELOW THE CHATEAU (300 exp)
- Explored I guess one more dungeon area technically (20 exp)
Total: 420 exp
Events:
- After some debate, it is decided that a rescue party will be formed to save Gastron from a terrible froggy fate. (50 exp)
- Zan dispels the forcefield to allow respite from the chateau, and also plausibly allow people to swap characters. (50 exp)
- Guido is lowered down on a rope but is nowhere near the bottom. Possibly can't see in the dark. He's panicking. Given light runes on back of skull to see by. Still nothing but little weird fish to be seen down there. (50 exp)- The legless bled-out frog is Raised by Sophia to become a frog zombie. She uses Eyes of the Dead to see what it sees, then sends it down to scout. (50 exp)- Weird fish. Coral-like growths from walls. More weird fish. A sea of jelly-like bubbles. Beyond them, huge wide flat bubbles. Squeezing between, yellowish tendrils extending towards strange lights in the deeps. Connection cuts out as frog zombie is eaten. (50 exp)
- Loathe to sacrifice characters on an assumed suicide mission, Eleyn turns up (or was always there...?) along with fan favourite Ratt LeBlanc aka RATMAN. (50 exp)
- Gorund yearns for death and also joins the scuba team. Logistical concerns re: air, pressure, cold are sorta solved via an air rune air supply and using Eleyn as a submersible. Gorund and Ratman jump in the psychosexual submarine. This is somebody's fetish for sure. (50 exp)
- Nobody else wants to go. I think they've played this game before. Gimmick online: everyone else is rats. (50 exp)
- Inside Eleyn, they all descend. Weird fungal growths, on inspection, have bubbles bubbling out of them! Eleyn swims closer to one, finding a moon pool entrance from below. (50 exp)
- She surfaces! Her orifices squelch open and swarms of rats, a ratman, and even worse a BAD MUSICIAN leap forth! Screams echo! (50 exp)
- Humans, grown into the walls below the waist, arms chained. They speak Occitan but can only scream and occasionally vomit frogspawn into the warm shallow water. (50 exp)
- Something is biting and scratching at Eleyn's submerged under-nipples! Oh shit! At the same time, a blurry object pulls itself from the water - it's the woman of your dreams. (50 exp)
- Ratman falls into her arms, her rows of plump rat-teats engorged with milk as she wraps her long slick tail around his midsection. Her tongue slides past her incisors and down his throat, and he feels it pulse as it disgorges its contents inside his full little belly. (50 exp)
- Eleyn begins to feel woozy from all the biting. Gorund's mind clouds over as the gorgeous woman approaches him, her hands cradle his head and pull him towards her full lips, he gags around her tongue as it snakes into his mouth and down his throat. (50 exp)
- The rat swarms fall in love with the swirling column of prime breeding females that enveloped their ratman master before moving on towards the human. (50 exp)
- Eleyn surges to the surface, frog monster mouths gripped onto her undercarriage. The beautiful person smiles and walks towards her, leaving the others on their knees behind her with huge dopey smiles on their lovestruck faces. She embraces Eleyn, who finally finds someone who will love her for who she is. (50 exp)
- Some of Rat LeBlanc's rats realise what's happening, try to snap him out of it. He clears his head, attacks, fails, falls to his knees. Gorund's lute falls from his hands and breaks... (50 exp)
- The prophecy! Gorund will be reunited with a friend by a broken device! The sound of breaking strings stirs a pang of something else inside Eleyn.. one almost already forgotten. (50 exp)
She grabs Gorund in one of her many mouths and dives, swims, spits him out, descends once more to the realm of her new true love. (50 exp)- Perhaps fittingly for one who could never die, Eleyn's final doom is to become an endless font of horrific life. (50 exp)
- Gorund is dragged from the water by the rest of the party. Against the odds. he has survived. Thanks, gypsy. Thypsy. (50 exp)
- Cranky Jim, probably disgusted, checks out an "empty" room. His magical secret door detection monocle reveals... several floating lock shapes outlined in glowing gold! (50 exp)
- He feels around... and they seem to be invisible chests and unlocked coffers! One of the chests has a lock that's beyond even Svetnir's abilities to pick, but the other opens to reveal rich contents. (50 exp)
- Deciding to continue exploring the chateau despite setbacks, the party go back to the great hall to sleep. There they discover none other than Dr Grijze van Held himself! (50 exp)
- He has picked up a book on the topic of the Triumph of Law in the mean time, but he hasn't read it properly yet. (50 exp)
- As the party settles down to rest, Gorund suddenly begins heaving up piles of frogspawn! He survives, a foam of eggs spreading around his knees. We end here.(50 exp)
Total: 1300 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Freudian bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Long Deliberation bonus (50 exp)
- Mad Inventor bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Shunga bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
- Vore bonus (50 exp)
- What the Fuck Guys bonus (50 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Jade, Svetnir - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Art bonus (Svetnir - 100 exp)
- Recap Remembrancer bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Gorund, Grizje, Svetnir - 100 exp ea.)
- Near Death Experience bonus (Gorund - 100 exp)
Total: 600 exp + bonuses
Rumours:
- None down here...

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Gastron, human spawning chamber for the frog monsters
- Ratt LeBlanc, ratman spawning chamber for the frog monsters
- Eleyn, vagina monster spawning chamber for the frog monsters

[[]]

Exp Totals:
Charles / Zan, Spermling of Zea, Level 7 Cleric (Termaxian): 65154 (Level up at 112000)
Kitty / Sophia, Level 6 Necromancer: 51705 (Level up at 72000)-- POWERMAN!, Level 5 POWERFIGHTER: 17090 (Level up at 32000)
-- Guido, Possessed Skull on giant skeletonJames / Rat LeBlanc, Level 6 Ratman: 47965 (Level up at 48000)*DECEASED*
Andy / Cranky Jim, Level 6 Dwarf: 48178 (Level up at 70400)Tom / Eleyn, 5HD genitalia demon with mind of an insane mutant gypsy*DECEASED*Henry / Gorund, Level 5 Specialist: 19744 (Level up at 24000)
James / Gâstron Bistró, Level 4 Barbarian: 14713 (Level up at 16000)*DECEASED*Tom / Jade, Level 4 Elf (Languid Wastrel): 12586 (Level up at 24000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +saves! +1 level 2 spell/day! +free spell!
Fraser / Svetnir, Level 2 Goblin: 2916 (Level up at 4000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +saves! +1 goblin buddy!
James / Dr. Grijze van Held, Level 2 Specialist (Doctor): 2589 (Level up at 3000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 skill points!
Absent or Retired:
Oli / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 7 Barbarian: 84110 (Level up at 128000)
Sascha / Deek, Level 1 Specialist (Jack-of-all-Trades): 480 (Level up at 1500)
Warren / Dante, Level 2 Elf (Flitting Gad): 3586 (Level up at 6000)
Fraser / Jumarak, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 54957 (Level up at 72000)
Dominic / Sir Stabbington Shanks, Level 7 Fighter: 68702 (Level up at 128000)
Tom / Seraph Dawnstride, Level 2 Cleric (Nonanist): 2979 (Level up at 3500)
Kyle / Jain Doe, Level 6 Dwarf: 40594 (Level up at 70400)

Anthony / Grunt, Level 3 Barbarian: 5298 (Level up at 8000)

Charlie / Una, Level 2 Specialist (Rogue): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Tomas / Shiz Nittlebam, Level 2 Magic User: 3877 (Level up at 4500)
Richard / Stonecold, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 2264 (Level up at 4500)

Owen / Guyphy, Level 1 Elf (Scalbert Gumph): 1245 (Level up at 3000)
Clo / Bamuk, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3869 (Level up at 4500)
Will / Walkul the Rogue, Level 1 Specialist: 1301 (Level up at 1500)

Dominic's (?) Retainer
-- Dr Charmington, Level 3 Specialist (Quack): 4821 (Level up at 6000)
Joe / Joe's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 321 (Level up at 2250)
Steve / Brand Earthhammer, Level 1 Fighter: 395 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver R / Reynard, Level 3 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 4077 (Level up at 6000)
Matteo / Lucifer, Level 1 Necromancer: 933 (Level up at 2250)

Ellie / Ellie's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 744 (Level up at 2250)
Jerry / Jerry's Next Character, Level 1 ???: 200 (Level up at ???)
Daniel / Nash, Level 1 Fighter: 455 (Level up at 2000)
Sarah / Mana, Level 4 Specialist (Thief): 13447 (Level up at 24000)
Jim / Jim's Fighter, Level 1 Fighter: 241 (Level up at 2000)
Louis / Louis' Next Character, Level 1 ???: 2062 (Level up at ???)
Oliver R / Osar, Level 2 Specialist (Dabbler): 661 (Level up at 3000)
Charlie / Le Chaz III, Level 1 Cleric: 670 (Level up at 1750)
David / Theras, Level 5 Specialist (Assassin): 13422 (Level up at 24000)
Mariana / Joe Joe, Level 5 Halfling: 28949 (Level up at 32000)
Dana / Bingo Augustus, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19863 (Level up at 36000)
James / Quarion, Level 3 Elf (Gremling): 7947 (Level up at 12000)
Gary / Skirr Abderian, Level 1 Specialist (Thief): 416 (Level up at 1500)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 4018 (Level up at 7000)
Wai / Mogwi Stitch-Up, Level 2 Specialist: 2715 (Level up at 3000)
Sam / Lucados Orbrus, Level 2 Fighter: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Clay / Carthas, Level 1 Fighter: 371 (Level up at 2000)
John / West, Level 1 Cleric: 521 (Level up at 1750)
Hayley / Bob, Level 2 Dwarf: 2999 (Level up at 4400)
Niall / Roht, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 722 (Level up at 2250)
??? / Unnamed Cleric of the Garden God, Level 1 Cleric: 0 (Level up at 1750)
Florent / Sir Arthur, Level 1 Fighter: 186 (Level up at 2000)
Jamie / Alden, Level 1 Magic-User: 186 (Level up at 2250)
Ben / Thant, Level 1 Cleric: 186 (Level up at 1750)
Mike / Arran Folynn, Level 1 Specialist (Rogue): 186 (Level up at 1500)
Alex / Arhnin, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1518 (Level up at 3000)
Daniel / Davrak, Level 1 Magic User: 976 (Level up at 2250)
Nuno / Temperion, Level 1 Magic User: 742 (Level up at 2250)
Leo / Leo, Level 4 Cleric: 11102 (Level up at 14000)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 5 Dwarf: 19420 (Level up at 35200)
-- Mr Pig, Level 1 Porcine.
Aron / Alphonse the Gentleman Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1184 (Level up at 2000)
Nimrod / U, Level 2 Specialist (Monk): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)
Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)
-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar
Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)
Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

Thursday 5 January 2017

Session 118 - Dungeons and Deep Ones

We return! With a session that may go down as one of my favourites ever.
Barbarian on Barbarian fork-throwing!
Getting drunk in the wine cellar while others suffer!
Diving down to the dark city of the frog monsters!

Gastron may be doomed... but we will see!


Also check out these art attacks holy shit

Inline images 1
- Sophia, from Oli

Inline images 2
- Salisburgh Plain, from Tom

Inline images 3
- The demise of Gastron, also from Tom

Inline images 4
And finally, a frog monster doodle from me!


Session 118 - Dungeons and Deep Ones

Campaign Date:
Saturday, 28 March, 1550
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous
Zodiac: Pisces

Bonus Session 117 exp granted metaphysically:- 6070 exp to Cranky Jim
- 5270 exp to Zan
- 5220 exp to Sophia
- 5170 exp to Gorund, Jade, Gastron
- 5070 to Lulu

New Characters:
- Deek, a Jack-of-all-Trades Specialist and former chalk-cutter.
- Vetnir, a Goblin hedge trimmer aka hairdresser. Fascination with knives.

New Backstory:
Jade had a liaison with a demon in human form when she worked as a courtesan. She was forever tainted, becoming an Elf. The fearful nobles kicked her out of court, and she was forced into a life of a common street whore. (+1 to reaction rolls with subterranean beings)
- Zan's strange rebirth allowed him to see Things Man Was Not Meant to Know in the cracks between realities. (+2 to Search in pitch blackness)
- Gastron once committed that most egregious of french sins - the consumption of Crème Anglaise... and he loved it. (+1 when repeating a successful action) 

Enemies Defeated:
- 3 ghoulish people-eaters, slaughtered (150 exp)
- 6 batrachian hand-tongued frog things, scared off (300 exp)
Total: 450 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 6 silver pieces (6 exp)
- 15 bottles of very fine wine (750 exp)
Total: 756 exp

Exploration:- First party to enter the basement level of the chateau (100 exp)
- 5 dungeon areas explored (100 exp)
- Secret door found (50 exp)
Total: 250 exp
Events:
- Awakening from their strange double-dreams of a distant past and a sundered future, the party awaken in the great hall of the Cursed Chateau! Among them, somehow, are two newcomers. (50 exp)
- One of said newcomers, Deek, inspects the fireplace. The grate is loose! And there are stairs behind! (50 exp)
- Descending the ash-covered stairs into the darkness, the party come across a wide room. The chef walks past. Yowls and yammering from the dark. (50 exp)
- Lulu utilisies the shit power of her christmas jumper to sneak towards the yammering. It's those ghouls again! The jumper lights up in christmassy glory and it's time for a fight! (50 exp)
- Jade sneaks up and goes for the backstab! It is a dismal failure, and a wild-haired woman throws her through a door, its ghostly venom paralysing her! (50 exp)
- Gastron whips a meat fork from his quantum chef attire and throws it into the melee! It goes right into the meat of Lulu's arm, to her consternation. (50 exp)
- Lulu rips it out of her arm and throws it back, grazing Gastron's french face! (50 exp)
- A twitch of Vetnir's wrists turns his shears into a pair of short knives! He buries them in a ghoul's neck and wrenches them apart. Deek takes out the other with a shovel. (50 exp)
- With that over, the door is inspected. A long corridor beyond, ending suddenly at the same barrier that surrounds the chateau. (50 exp)
- Jade's paralyzed body is hefted onto a shoulder and carried until it begins to soften. (50 exp)
- A door to the north requires a skull-key. It is left for now. (50 exp)
- A further corridor split reveals a room that becomes natural cave. Mushroom clusters are identified by Deek as some sort of deadly spore-spewing species. (50 exp)
- Zan gets to work with fire rune experimentation while Jade, Lulu and Cranky Jim wander off and find a wine cellar. (50 exp)
- They crack into the booze, the door shutting behind them. It has a skull-keyhole from this side. Lulu uses Santa's skull as a cup. (50 exp)
- Zan has managed to set his shield alight with magma. It works well otherwise. A decay beam is fairly ineffective. (50 exp)
- Gastron gets bored and pulls a potato from his pack, throws it into the room, and sets off the mushrooms! (50 exp)
- Zan manages to more-or-less escape, but Gastron's health is permanently damaged. Frenchman that he is, he gathers some mushroom in order to smoke it. (50 exp)
- The party spike the wine cellar door open, rejoin, and continue exploring the caverns. (50 exp)
- In a large cavern, a strange froggy obelisk at the edge of an underground pool. Lulu lobs a potato in... and the bow waves of a large creature swimming towards the shore... (50 exp)
- All except Gastron back off... and the bulbous froggy beast flicks its hand-tongue out of the water to grab him! Luckily Gastron's an absolute beast, so drags it to him by the tongue and rips off its legs! (50 exp)
- Also it turns out he learnt Ancient Batrachian from a frog that lived under his hat like that rat off Ratatouille, so he can speak to the thing! It is in great pain. (50 exp)
- Jade wanders off into a bare rocky possibly magical chamber. She throws Nigel Farage's severed head into the room to set off suspected traps... but sees his face! She is forced to run over and punch the shit out of it! Farage's face is pulped. (50 exp)
- More frog things erupt from the water, but Gastron brutalises the body of the de-legged batrachian and induces fear in their froggy hearts! (50 exp)
- They turn to flee, but Gastron jumps on the back of one of them in order to pursue! Luckily he previously drew an air rune on an eggcup to use as an impromptu oxygen mask (50 exp)
- As the amphibians swim deeper and deeper into the cold watery depths... it becomes obvious to the rest of the that Gastron may never return. (50 exp)
- Next session the party will vote on whether they want to rescue Gastron in some sort of insane scuba rescue mission, or leave him to die off-screen. (50 exp)
Total: 1300 exp

Misc:
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Internecine Strife bonus (50 exp)
- PETA bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Tonguetacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
- Treasure Drinker bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Lulu, Jade - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Lulu - 100 exp)
- Attacco di Panico dell'Arte bonus (Lulu - 100 exp)
- Cartographer bonus (Vetnir - 100 exp)
- Recap Remembrancer bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
Total: 600 exp + bonuses
Rumours:
- None down here...

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Gastron... unless a rescue mission is enacted next session!

[[]]

Exp Totals:
Oli / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 7 Barbarian: 84110 (Level up at 128000)
Charles / Zan, Spermling of Zea, Level 7 Cleric (Termaxian): 63118 (Level up at 112000)
Andy / Cranky Jim, Level 6 Dwarf: 46142 (Level up at 70400)James / Gâstron Bistró, Level 4 Barbarian: 14713 (Level up at 16000)Tom / Jade, Level 2 Elf (Languid Wastrel): 5180 (Level up at 6000)Fraser / Vetnir, Level 1 Goblin: 580 (Level up at 2000)
Sascha / Deek, Level 1 Specialist (Jack-of-all-Trades): 480 (Level up at 1500)
Absent or Retired:
Henry / Gorund, Level 5 Specialist: 17508 (Level up at 24000)
Kitty / Sophia, Level 6 Necromancer: 49669 (Level up at 72000)
-- POWERMAN!, Level 5 POWERFIGHTER: 16072 (Level up at 32000)
-- Guido, Possessed Skull on giant skeleton
Warren / Dante, Level 2 Elf (Flitting Gad): 3586 (Level up at 6000)
Fraser / Jumarak, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 54957 (Level up at 72000)
Dominic / Sir Stabbington Shanks, Level 7 Fighter: 68702 (Level up at 128000)
Tom / Seraph Dawnstride, Level 2 Cleric (Nonanist): 2979 (Level up at 3500)

James / 
Dr. Grijze van Held, Level 1 Specialist (Doctor): 453 (Level up at 1500)
Kyle / Jain Doe, Level 6 Dwarf: 40594 (Level up at 70400)

James / Rat LeBlanc, Level 6 Ratman: 47965 (Level up at 48000)

Tom / Eleyn, 5HD genitalia demon with mind of an insane mutant gypsy
Anthony / Grunt, Level 3 Barbarian: 5298 (Level up at 8000)

Charlie / Una, Level 2 Specialist (Rogue): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Tomas / Shiz Nittlebam, Level 2 Magic User: 3877 (Level up at 4500)
Richard / Stonecold, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 2264 (Level up at 4500)

Owen / Guyphy, Level 1 Elf (Scalbert Gumph): 1245 (Level up at 3000)
Clo / Bamuk, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3869 (Level up at 4500)
Will / Walkul the Rogue, Level 1 Specialist: 1301 (Level up at 1500)

Dominic's (?) Retainer
-- Dr Charmington, Level 3 Specialist (Quack): 4821 (Level up at 6000)
Joe / Joe's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 321 (Level up at 2250)
Steve / Brand Earthhammer, Level 1 Fighter: 395 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver R / Reynard, Level 3 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 4077 (Level up at 6000)
Matteo / Lucifer, Level 1 Necromancer: 933 (Level up at 2250)

Ellie / Ellie's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 744 (Level up at 2250)
Jerry / Jerry's Next Character, Level 1 ???: 200 (Level up at ???)
Daniel / Nash, Level 1 Fighter: 455 (Level up at 2000)
Sarah / Mana, Level 4 Specialist (Thief): 13447 (Level up at 24000)
Jim / Jim's Fighter, Level 1 Fighter: 241 (Level up at 2000)
Louis / Louis' Next Character, Level 1 ???: 2062 (Level up at ???)
Oliver R / Osar, Level 2 Specialist (Dabbler): 661 (Level up at 3000)
Charlie / Le Chaz III, Level 1 Cleric: 670 (Level up at 1750)
David / Theras, Level 5 Specialist (Assassin): 13422 (Level up at 24000)
Mariana / Joe Joe, Level 5 Halfling: 28949 (Level up at 32000)
Dana / Bingo Augustus, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19863 (Level up at 36000)
James / Quarion, Level 3 Elf (Gremling): 7947 (Level up at 12000)
Gary / Skirr Abderian, Level 1 Specialist (Thief): 416 (Level up at 1500)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 4018 (Level up at 7000)
Wai / Mogwi Stitch-Up, Level 2 Specialist: 2715 (Level up at 3000)
Sam / Lucados Orbrus, Level 2 Fighter: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Clay / Carthas, Level 1 Fighter: 371 (Level up at 2000)
John / West, Level 1 Cleric: 521 (Level up at 1750)
Hayley / Bob, Level 2 Dwarf: 2999 (Level up at 4400)
Niall / Roht, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 722 (Level up at 2250)
??? / Unnamed Cleric of the Garden God, Level 1 Cleric: 0 (Level up at 1750)
Florent / Sir Arthur, Level 1 Fighter: 186 (Level up at 2000)
Jamie / Alden, Level 1 Magic-User: 186 (Level up at 2250)
Ben / Thant, Level 1 Cleric: 186 (Level up at 1750)
Mike / Arran Folynn, Level 1 Specialist (Rogue): 186 (Level up at 1500)
Alex / Arhnin, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1518 (Level up at 3000)
Daniel / Davrak, Level 1 Magic User: 976 (Level up at 2250)
Nuno / Temperion, Level 1 Magic User: 742 (Level up at 2250)
Leo / Leo, Level 4 Cleric: 11102 (Level up at 14000)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 5 Dwarf: 19420 (Level up at 35200)
-- Mr Pig, Level 1 Porcine.
Aron / Alphonse the Gentleman Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1184 (Level up at 2000)
Nimrod / U, Level 2 Specialist (Monk): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)
Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)
-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar
Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)
Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human