Session 439 - The Cave of Christmas Past

Date: 13 January 1626

Zenith Deity: Minerva
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent
Moon Face: Dragon Face

Events:

--- Gifts for Havarti

- We return to the party where we left them - in the outskirts of the Winter Wonderland.
- Havarti has arrived, so they send her to Zulu Claus who is still giving out gifts. Havarti receives a long-lost artifact - the Shield Of International Day Of! This shield grants the wielder immunity to whatever nonsense corporate International Day Of it happens to be on the day of the session!

- Havarti has crafted her ghost-eating hyena a saddle so it's easier to ride on the ceiling, and Ghost Snels has obtained an invisible dog (or is it just a trick leash that looks like an invisible dog??..hmmm)

--- Draugr Loot

- Nieval the Good is whinging about the lack of loot recently, and hey! The map has a location called Draugr Loot marked right on it!

- They approach and find a gnarly cave in the icy wastes. The floor has a map of the area in relief upon it.
- There's a preserved corpse of a fancy Santa. Some sort of distant past Santa where he's all forest themed. An ancient pre-coca cola Santa. Sulphur raises it as a zombie and finds a bauble necklace with a square hole around its neck. Loot already!

--- Snowfall

- The way forward is very low, so Havarti goes first due to being short. At the end of the crawlspace is a little door with a square protrusion. Perfect for the bauble to become a doorknob! It works, and they enter.

- Inside it's a proper little dungeon carved out of the rock. There are festive pre-Christian shapes and symbols in relief on the walls.

- There are also levers! Pushing them causes rumbling from deeper in.

- They leave the levers for now and try a nearby room. There are barrels of what turns out to be Yak Oil made from rendered yak tallow, old Viking-style shields and spears, and a mysterious nook which is blatantly a secret door.
- Hidra opens himself to the dungeon with his Mentor Bonus and discovers the dungeon has 19 rooms. Good to know!

- Sulphur finds the secret door latch and CLICK! A massive amount of super-cold snow drops from the ceiling, dealing massive cold damage!

- Nieval and Sulphur administer Terry's Chocolate Orange to the wounded.

--- Circular Logic

- The room that made grinding sounds is next, and they discover a classic puzzle where the rings rotate to create a full image. In this case, a symbol that's somewhere between a snowflake and a pentagram!

- Operating the (noisy) levers, they manipulate the puzzle into place. 

- A square peg pops up in the middle, and the bauble key opens it. Part of the walls grinds down to reveal a golden statuette of Santa... but with a squat pose and a beard of tentacles. Ghostly faces phase through the wall and look upon it dreamily.

- Sulphur uses ghost vision to see what they are. Four spirits, tied to the statuette by ephemeral bonds!

- Good thing they've got a ghost-eating hyena, a ghost-punching Boogilist, and a few magical nonsenses to help beat a ghost's face in!

--- Icy Grip

- Ghost Snels casts See No Evil to become unaffected by (and unable to affect) Chaotic beings, thus winking out of sight for like half the party. He drags the golden idol away, pulling the confused ghosts forward!
- The battle is fierce, but short. The ghosts' rending icy claws no match for the teeth and fists.

- While the hyena chomps down immaterial ghostflesh, Nieval gathers ectoplasm. It's good eatin'!

- The idol says "the gifts of the deep are for all those who are good" in old Norse, which loads of people can read apparently.

- The door past the idol opens and a cold breeze rolls out...

--- Trapped Chest?

- Rather than go further in, they decide to head back and try a side door they missed earlier.

- There's a string of smaller rooms. One has a Mjolnir necklace (or is it an Old Miner symbol?). The next has preserved corpses lying on plinths, dressed as Christmas Elves. They shrink down over time as the dress become more modern. Christmas elves... are human?

- The last room has a bunch of barrels and a very obvious unlocked chest. The others wait outside the room as Hidra opens it from a distance with a pole...
- He sees the gleam of treasure and SHUNK! A claw scrapes down Hidra's back from behind!

- The barrels are in fact some sort of barrel spider crab thing! There are three of them! Disney inspired music presumably begins playing.

--- Battle of the Barrels

- Hidra smashes open on of the barrels, revealing that the creature's body is actually quite tiny. He uses his Santa powers to magically vanish up the barrel-hole of one of them... and spends the next little while trapped in there with his crabbish foe!
- Ghost Snels sends in his invisible dog... but it's not trained to fight. They hear occasional whimpering as it accidentally gets underfoot.

- Nieval lays down covering fire with his mounted repeater crossbow from the doorway.
- Sulphur magic-punches the exposed spider, then shoves a handful of teeth into the other. The Teeth Bomb explodes, hurting the creature within!

- Havarti tries to explode its barrel with a gambit... but fully fails. The Shield of International Day Of is destroyed! She keeps the automatically updating data counter thing from the front. Maybe she can recreate it one day.
- Hidra finally breaks his way out of the barrel, ripping off the crab-monster's legs as he does so! Its one-eyed head ponks to the ground like a volleyball... where it is immediately grabbed and killed by the invisible dog!

--- The Feasting

- With various people somewhat injured by the battle against the barrel spiders, it's time to cook! The legs are very much like big ol' crab legs, and they've got some extra ingredients ready to go.
- The result is "I Ate This Once Outside of a Nigerian Haunted House" which really trips off the tongue. It contains Jollof Rice, ectoplasm, human skin, Ibex meat, and spider crab legs.
- Hidra refuses to eat it due to the human content, but his Santa powers require him to eat milk/brandy based foods anyway so whatever. The others find that it is absurdly delicious, and furthermore means they don't actually need shelter to sleep tonight! Convenient!

- The rest outside in the cave mouth, warmed by delicious food.

Total: 9000 exp

Treasure:

- Bauble-Key necklace (100 exp)
- Gold "Cthulhu Santa" idol (8000 exp)

- Mjolnir/Old Miner necklace (7 exp)
- Norse gold coins (1500 exp)
Total: 9607 exp

Foes:

- 4 spirits (300 exp)
- 3 barrel spider crabs (750 exp)
Total: 1050 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Paymaster (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- George the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 59297 (Level up at 72000)

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 6 Specialist: 31540 (Level up at 56000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!
- Carter / Hidra, Level 5 Fighter: 31498 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 5 Denialist Cleric: 30198 (Level up at 36000)

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 5 Halfling: 16032 (Level up at 32000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

Session 438 - Winter Wonderland Return

Date: 6 January 1626

Zenith Deity: Oberon
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Moon Face: Clean Face (no effect)

Revealed Backstory:

- Ghost Snels, during the German Peasant Revolt, encouraged his religiously fervent charges to slaughter all captives. They didn't, which is why they lost. Get a reroll against fallout of someone disregarding your advice.

Events:

--- Resolutions

- Our heroes remain where they were at the end of the Christmas Special. In an icy wasteland, Santa's body boiling away into snow at their feet.
- Straight ahead is a winter wonderland, but their attentions are drawn to a swirling vortex of colour labelled Doomed Resolutions.
- They make resolutions and enjoy the results for a bit, but ultimately lose interest.

--- Winter Wonderland

- Memories emerge from Christmas Specials of the past as they enter Winter Wonderland through the blue gate. Didn't we meet James Young here once?

- Nieval heads straight for the ice rink and grows skates from his legs. He does some tricks, and it drops his Intelligence to 3 and boosts his Wisdom to 18! Hidra gives it a go too, but isn't as tricky.

- Next stop is the food court where some of them get mulled wine. Nieval starts floating, Nostradama's stomach grumbles as her torso shrinks, and Ghost Snels shrinks entirely as he turns into a gecko.

--- Gifflewim Un-Reborn

- They meet Gifflewim and discover that he's settled his disagreement with Julgoor by simply eating as many Julgoor shopkeepers as he could find. He's also pretty certain that the Idea of Thorns has won out over the Idea of Wheat in his head. Apparently what remains of Julgoor has now become part of Japhet & Hirsch's body.

- He rejects therapy over any of this, and tells everyone that James Young can be found by the rollercoaster.

--- The Rollercoaster

- They can't find James Young, so they ride the rollercoaster anyway.

- Screaming, they gain strange powers!

-- Snels can teleport himself anywhere in the world... once.

-- Nieval can swap clothing with a person they can see... three times.
-- Sulfur's next kiss will kill the recipient.

-- Hidra has an "uncomfy feeling".

-- Nostradama's clothes decompose into lime green spiders, who weave her new clothes.

- And yet, no James Young.

--- Overpriced Village

- They get food from a slender and somehow still alive Zulu Claus, whose powers are waning.
- Nieval asks for a Terry's Chocolate Orange and gets the original OP version! 16 slices that heal 1d6 per slice!

- Ghost Snels gets jollof rice.

- Sulfur gets gems and trinkets.

- Nostradama gets... 4 rations of normal bread.

- Hidra gets Book 210 - The Light at the End of Days

--- The Orrery Returns!

- The come to a tall but otherwise normal-looking guy called James Young, who stands before a huge and gleaming metal orrery. It spins slowly.

- Hidra plucks Mars from the orrery. Nieval licks it.
- Hidra faces the moon to be always dragon-faced.
- He also spots a dragon-shaped rock and moves it much closer to the Earth. The effects of this new dragon shall be decided elsewhere...

- Thus ends the first session of the year.

Total: 7000 exp

Treasures:

- Terry's Chocolate Orange
- Jollof rice

- Gems and trinkets (300 exp)
- Book #120 - The Light at the End of Days (50 exp)

Total: 350 exp

OOC:

Carter the Remembrancer, Cartographer, Paymaster (300 exp/level)
Zoë the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
George the Hypeman (?) (100 exp/level)
Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)
Charles the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 54765 (Level up at 72000)

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 46421 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 5 Fighter: 27066 (Level up at 32000)

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 5 Specialist: 27008 (Level up at 28000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 5 Denialist Cleric: 25766 (Level up at 36000)

Session 437 - Christmas Special - Return to the Lair of the Holly Spirit!

Date: Christmas 1625

Zenith Deity: The Allfather
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Moon Face: Bright Face

Revealed Backstory:

- Hidra was constantly beaten during his training, but one day he escaped! When fleeing, disregard Pain.

Events:

--- Christmas Cometh

- We open in a never-before-seen venue, following a surprise "D&D Wrapped" put on by someone who has earned the title of Most Valuable Player. It was AMAZING. 
- In-game, the box canyon that contained the Necromancers is now covered in snow and enormous candy canes. Up the slope is a Christmassy portal that spews stardust and snow. It is the Christmas Special, and several people remember this setup from exactly a decade ago.

- Also up the slope are a bunch of tiny little rat-children throwing snowballs amongst snowmen, giggling and happy.

- The candy canes have robed cultists hanging from them by the neck. All are dead and swinging in the wind. This gives our heroes pause.

- Sulphur uses his necromantic abilities to sense death. The snowmen contain corpses. He turns one into a zombie under his control with Halloween abilities.

- Hidra approaches the rat-children, introduces himself, and eats a whole lot of snowballs dealing 13 embarrassment damage.

--- Bad Miracle

- The rest of the party attempt to sneak around. It doesn't work.

- Hidra begins the slaughter. Each tiny rat-kid has a single point of HP and is unarmoured. Hidra spins, slashes, spins, blocks, and spins again. All 15 children are murdered. Their blood freezes to the snow.

- Hidra looks around like this is a normal thing to do.

--- Ibex Defence Forces

- Sulphur enters the dungeon proper and finds a crossroad. Dead ahead, a workshop. To the left, twelve ibexes are chained up in front of a sleigh. To the right, a sky-portal positioned such that these ibexes (ibeces?) can run through into the sky.
- Sulphur strides forth towards the workshop. Rat kids dive behind their worktops. One of them rings a big bell in warning.

- The rat kids start flinging lumps of coal, supported by the next shift who sling their own coal into the fray with unerring accuracy. Nieval and Sulphur take emotional damage.

- Ghost Snels chucks a piece of coal back, nails a child in the head, and forces a retreat.

--- Feast Incoming

- Nieval unhooks an ibex from the sleigh and rides it into battle, destroying a rat-child despite the fact that the rat-children have already openly surrendered.
- Nostradama proclaims that the Nine are always there and willing to protect their subjects. The survivors flee, sobbing. They feel faith within themselves.

- The party loot the room, finding a variety of foods.

--- The Play Room

- Our heroes continue into the next room. It's a play room. Huge toys survey. A nutcracker, a toy soldier, and a big pink bear loom. A huge chest of pamphlets seems out of place. The huge toy soldier reloads the barrel of his huge early modern gun.

- Oh wait what. The big pink bear winks.

- The gun rises but Ghost Snels is THERE! He saw the great pink cuddly bear rising and directs the toy soldier's gun straight at it!
- BKOOM! He misses the toy soldier because he was aiming at the nutcracker! Wood spatters the wall. The nutcracker grinds its teeth and stares upwards at Nieval's groin.

- Its teeth STRIKE.

- As its teeth come down, Hidra stabs it from behind. It dies, teeth merely scraping the balls.

- Nieval's sigh of relief is palpable.

--- One of my best friends is Nigerian

- "Ho ho ho!" says a voice in a west African timbre.
- Oh shit, it's Zulu Spiderbite. But Santa.

- She rides a red nosed ibex. It all comes together.
- One side of the room has a portal to a really lame and overpriced Wonderland.
- The ice-ghost of Lulu is her backup. It's a proper boss battle!

- They FIGHT!

--- Knocked Away

- The battle is strange and desperate.

- Zulu Claus smashes with her big bag of presents, then her voice, then her summoned hat-rat-elves.

- She teleports behind Nostradama, grabs Hidra by the throat, and throws him through the portal into the winter wonderland beyond.

- Sulphur tooth-bombs the ghost of Lulu.

- Hidra tries to OHKO Santa but... half-succeeds.
- Santa blocks, parries, seize the magic, and throws EVERYONE into the snow beyond the portal.

- Santa is ripped apart. A distant ferris wheel turns. To what end?

Total:8000 exp

Foes:

- A multitude of children (20 exp)

- Zulu Claus (400 exp)

Total: 420 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Hidra, Level 5 Fighter: 20237 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 5 Denialist Cleric: 18737 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 46436 (Level up at 72000)

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 5 Specialist: 25196 (Level up at 28000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!