Session 376 - Prime Rump

Date: 18 June

Moon: Waxing Gibbous
Zenith: Minerva

New Backstory:

- Rudolphus von Blitzenstrick fought a bully at university by the name of Heinrich von Poopenheimer. To everyone's surprise, Rudolphus won! +2 to hit vs higher level enemies

Events:

--- The Importance of Maps

- Our heroes are once more in the depths of Dwimmermount, after a near-miss last week where they were nearly locked forever in Sydney's extradimensional apartment.

- It's a familiar area, and thankfully Sydney has been keeping very good maps! It's the Azoth Cave level, and they've luckily dropped back in (courtesy of some shenanigans with Gifflewim and a teleport bead) right near the way down to the prison level.

- Sydney is on it! They guide the team round the corner, through the cavern with the sobbing cavewomen (and one very tired caveman) and to the heretofore unexplored stairs up to the Manufactory.

--- Gimik the Mimic

- The ascend the stairs and come to an entry chamber. The floor has a circuitboard pattern carved into it, running with silver.
- There are two statues flanking the door on the other side - one a human woman, one a double-wide Terran woman. Also, in the middle of the chamber, a treasure chest full of gold!

- Everyone is immediately suspicious, and that suspicion is immediately justified when the chest talks back! It is indeed a Mimic, calling itself Gimik. Grog approaches and when the Mimic tries to attack, he simply sits on it with his callipygian rump!

- Gimic surrenders and agrees to work for gold and "debt tattoos on the blockchain", joining the rearguard of the party under Grog's employ. 

- Rudolphus, meanwhile, attempts to talk to the statues. While clearly animate, they are tight-lipped. Razylymvaer, the dragon-mind that's also encamped within Sydney's head, reckons that they are statues of Babylon Snels before and after being given a Terran body. They probably guard the way down, so entering is fine.

--- Alcoves

- They pass the statues and continue down a long corridor. Regular alcoves contain black plinths with nothing on them, except for a pair that show a before-and-after of Terms Termax as first a cool wizard, and then a head in a jar on a roboskeleton body.

- They listen at doors, but eventually decide to follow the lines of circuitry towards the north.

--- Dust Dwarf!

- They open the door to find a circular room with a sagging muddy Dwarf-shaped creature turning towards them. Rudolphus approaches to talk to it, and gets punched in the mouth! It tries to reach down his throat!
- Sydney surmises that this is a Dwarf without the gems that give it shape, and lobs a gem towards it. The soil-dwarf snatches it out of the air and is granted a rudimentary voice! It declares that it NEEDS MORE GEMS!
- Aximander cracks the air with a Beam Fire rune overhead, and it punches Rudolphus straight in the groin! He doubles over, and just then Grog feels a sticky tentacle at his back! It's Gimik the Mimic, apologising for its nature while also trying to devour Grog from behind! "He's eating my aaasss!" shrieks Grog!

- It's a two-front fight now, dusty Dwarf monster from the front, Mimic from the back, the party trapped between!
- The Mimic overwhelms Grog and he's down too! He shrieks, flailing at the sticky mimic tentacles, and is badly burned by the acid!

- Sydney tries to lure away the Dwarf monster with gems, and when that fails they try a Magic Missile... which goes awry! Instead of killing the earth Dwarf it sucks a whole bunch of its earthy body towards Sydney, making Sydney grow far taller and making the Dwarf far smaller!
- Divinity's magic weapon is dealing big hits to the earth Dwarf, while others' attacks do little.

- Grog's skin begins to melt. He has deep tissue burns across his whole body, the mimic is digesting him alive!
- Hagan drinks a potion, hoping for something cool. He is filled with hope! Seeing Grog in trouble he does the most obvious thing... try to tempt it over to him with his dumptruck ass! Divinity assists, using her Unbuckling Sceptre to make Hagan's trousers fall down!

- It's too much for the buttock-obsessed mimic, who immediately leaves the (burned, bleeding, near-death) Grog and pounces towards Hagan's prime rump!

- Sydney tries another Magic Missile but this chaos bursts too... to great effect! The power of the Missile is doubled! The ensmallified Earth Dwarf is annihilated in a storm of dirt-enhanced shards formed from its former clay-flesh!

- Rudolphus staggers to his feet, looks Gimik the Mimic dead in the gem-eye, and says "I'm going to make a withdrawal". He strikes hard, and the Mimic collapses into melty looking treasure chest.

--- Grog Feasts

- Grog himself has collapsed into the pile of fleshy muddy ooze that makes up the true form of an Inheritor. Only his massive forehead protrudes from the mire. 
- They dump the Mimic's body onto Grog, who immediately begins to consume it. He heals, of course, but also absorbs a new ability - the Mimic's stickiness! He can now Wrestle like a Mimic, and has a constant sticky film all over his whole body.

- While they wait for the demonic digestion to finish, they poke around the room a bit. Lo and behold, a hidden hatch! They peer beneath and hear voices. One is wheedling, the other is laughing.

--- Dark Bargain

- They follow the voices and come to another room, this containing a big circular summoning circle containing a huge red demon! Before the demon is a wizard in circuitboard-design robes. Even his skin seems to have a circuitboard pattern beginning to form...
- The party approach civilly, with Rudolpho as the face. The wizard is called Roland McDoland and he seeks the demon's help to get to the Great Machine on this dungeon level. The demon, Draunanon, is driving a hard bargain for this. He himself wants to stay on this plane rather than getting dragged back into the Chaos realm.
- Deals are made. The party will help Roland get to the Great Machine (since they're going anyway). He tells them that he's met these Red Elves and seeks the Great Machine to find a way to shoot down their Red Moon. He also tells them that he's been fleeing crazy metal robo-Dwarfs who protect the Great Machine!
- In a separate deal Draunanon will become new skin for Grog...? In exchange, the demon only asks for a favour to be exacted in the future. At least Grog has skin for now! He's completely red, similar to when Aximander is at full power. Red skin buddies!

--- We Are the Dworg

- With all that under control, they try the only other exit and find a similar hatch upwards. Peeking through, they hear robo-Dwarfs talking in regular English, not a Dwarf language. It transpires that they're doing this in case their bosses are listening.
- As it happens, they're also all facing the other way.

- Too bad, bots! Sydney is here! He Mind Switches with one of the robots! Except Sydney's mind doesn't switch? Oh no, the dragon-mind of Razylymvaer has been swapped in! The robo-mind is in with Sydney now, and extremely confused! It tries to use his body to no avail.

- Dragon-Robot runs away down the corridor, cackling because he is FREEE! The other robots give chase, leaving our heroes alone for now...

Total: 8000 exp

Treasure:

- 50gp (2500 exp)

- 200sp (200 exp)

- Demon skin

Total: 2700 exp

Foes:

- A dusty half-formed Earth-Dwarf (1000 exp)

- Gimik the Mimic (750 exp)

- Several robo-dwarfs. (300 exp)

Total: 2050 exp

Exp Calc:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 8 Magic-User: 197352 (Level up at 288000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 7 Languid Wastrel: 109928 (Level up at 144000)

- George / Hagen the Heretic, Level 7 Dwarf: 85600 (Level up at 128000)

- Ollie / Divinity, Level 6 Battle-Cleric (Fighter 3/ Cleric 3): 57288 (Level up at 72000)

- Charles / Grog Greedy, Level 6 Inheritor: 41470 (Level up at 72000)

- Tim / Rudolphus Von, Level 3 Specialist: 4270 (Level up at 7000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!

Session 375 - Djinn in a Tin

Date: 28 May

Moon: Waning Gibbous
Zenith: Eris

New Characters:

- Rudolphus Von, a failed Shaman of Light, now an expert archivist.

New Backstory:

- Grog Greedy, everyone's favourite long-foreheaded caveman, was born under an omen of DOOOM! It was a comet that heralded the ice age, freezing Grogg into the ice for millenia. When another character dies, gain +1HD of health for the rest of the session.
- Julian did something reckless and impressive - painting a cursed painting! While it very much impressed his fellow artists, it was ultimately his undoing, bringing Aximander into his body! We haven't seen Julian in a while... +1 to Dex score.

- Hagan received great advice from his mentor Andromeda the Vampire - never dig too greedily or too deep. Alas, he understood too late, since the party is now about as deep as you can get... +1 to Wis score.

Events:

--- Guardian Confusion

- It's the night of the New Moon and even this far down below the Earth, Aximander feels its pull. He's at full power and high level, his skin is a deep dark red and his long tongue twists from his distensible jaws.

- The others find this perfectly normal, it's just how you can tell when it's a full moon. Also perfectly normal - meeting a new character in the depths of a megadungeon and thinking that they're trustworthy! Meet Rudolphus, researcher!

- In front of them is the entrance to the final depth of Dwimmermount - an enormous geode big enough to contain a city! A wide boulevard goes off into the distance, the grand buildings around it all angular and strange in a variety of styles and materials.

- There are also a couple of huge statues of Dwarves guarding the entrance, which (naturally) come alive when approached! The magical among the party can feel them draining Chaos from the air around them.
- Hagan approaches, he can understand Terran. It's an archaic proto-Dwarvish. Rudolphus can too! He's down here to study it after all!
- Hagan reveals his credentials - a Dwarf with a Brooch of the Terrans. But confusingly he has the stamp of Terms Termax on his hand! The statues are confused until he reveals the tattoo of the Old Miner's inverted hammer on his chest! They let him through.
- The others blag their way through too, confusing the statues until they insist on taking a break to confer. In the mean time, the party runs deeper!

--- Lose Your Mind

- Hagan feels a pull towards a flat-topped building ahead, but Sydney can't help but check out a nearby building. Inside the floor is a sort of hydroponic setup for crystals. There's also an ominous thrumming from a spreading crack in the wall... and visible brain matter?

- A tendril-hand emerges from the crack and a giant brain on legs made from twined threads emerges! It looks like it shouldn't fit, yet it does! Sydney backtracks, leaving Rudolphus to get pounced on by the big brain monster!
- Grogg pulls him out of the way just in time, and a big spiraling hole opens in the middle of the brain. A search-beam seeks out a target - zoning in on Aximander's forehead! The Elf leaps out of the firing line, and the disappointed brain beast scuttles back into the building, mewling.
- Sydney asks Razylymvaer, the dragon-father who now lives in their mind, what the hell that was! The dragon answers that he doesn't know its name, but it knows that Halflings evolved from them!
- The party is struck by the DEEP LORE and realises those brain-eating Halflings they faced in the dungeon levels above were probably an evolutionary stage between brain monster and modern Halflings!

--- The Revelation of Hagan

- Hagan feels the tugging of his beard leading them on. The brain monster stalks the party from the windows of the buildings they pass, but doesn't attack again.
- They reach the flat-roofed building. Up close it is clearly fortified, all the windows are on higher floors. Nevertheless, Hagan knocks.
- The door soon opens and lo! It is a Terran who names himself Vidaro! Hagan reveals his confusing clash of marks, the Old Miner tattoo and the Terms Termax stamp, and explains what happened in the upper level.
- Explanations aside, the Terrans refuse to let an impure Dwarf to see their God. Dwarves are a debased version of Terrans who inter-bred with humans, sullying their bloodline forever. The mechanics of how this inter-species lovemaking even occurred results in some debate amongst the party.
- Hagan is nearly stymied... but luckily Aximander is at full Elf ebb and uses his tricks to Fairy Godmother the Dwarf into a thick-limbed double-wide Terran! The priests are taken aback, he was merely hiding his true form!

--- The Old Miner Speaks!

- The Terran priests take the newly thickened Hagan through the hall of the building, and into a circular room at the heart of the place. Within, amongst ticking machinery, is a great cylindrical can containing a God.
- Vidaro directs Hagan to kneel on a metal prayer mat before the God, and to his awe the Old Miner speaks into his mind!

- The Old Miner celebrates Hagan's faith, but insults his debased body. It was the Old Miner who made the Terrans, and they betrayed him by sullying their souls with humans. However, for the faithful alone, he will place their mind into a Terran body. It must be a blank, either dead or new-formed, but He has the power to move minds!
- The Old Miner reveals that He is a composite mind, formed of all the Terrans who ascended in an earlier aeon in a far-flung solar system. Alas, after billions of years the Great Beast gestating in their planet finally cracked their world like an egg, throwing the Old Miner's geode mind into the cosmos until it finally hit a cooling Earth, infecting the newborn planet with Shub-Niggurath yet allowing the Old Miner to survive.
- Millenia later the geode ran out of material, and so He drilled a borehole out to allow his newly crafted Terrans to acquire more. That did not go great, all things considered.
- All He wants is to survive. He is not much bothered by the nonsense on the surface and the skies, having learnt His lesson about meddling outside of his borders.
- Hagan, filled with incredible new knowledge, gives the signal to Sydney.

--- You Wouldn't Steal a God

- Sydney steps out of the room, the other party members step in, and Sydney casts Sydney's Stolen Sanctum! The entire room is vanished and attached to their extradimensional flat!
- Those inside the room see it shiver and warp! Water floods in as the floor drops 10'! The Old Miner yells in confusion!
- Everyone else drops into the water, suddenly wet and heavy!
- Worse, some sort of underwater gremlins have spawned below! They swim out from a cave in the dark water and come in to attack!
- Vidaro, the Terran priest who was also in the room, draws a glyph on the air before him and creates an air bubble! He's now on the actual floor, underwater in a big old bubble.
- The others join the battle, and to everyone's surprise and amazement Rudolpho actually stops everything before it's even begun!
- Rudolpho speaks Scoblin too, it transpires, and he persuades the Scoblins to simmer down until everyone can work out just what happened here. Since they themselves just appeared, the Scoblins agree and swim back to their lair for now.

--- We Cannot Get Out

- Sydney, back in the geode, has missed all this. There are, however, a number of angry Terran priests behind him wondering what just happened to their God!
- They bug out, casting Sydney's Safe Space to warp back to the flat. There's one small issue.. the doorway only goes one way. You can enter the flat, but you cannot leave.

- Over in the Old Miner's newly shifted room, Hagan asks the Old Miner what the deal is here. He also lets the God briefly take his mind so the Old Miner gets filled in on what just happened.

- It transpires that the Geode is a reverse prison - it can be escaped by magical means, but cannot be entered. Long story short, they're stuck in the flat because the front door doesn't work any more.

- There's also the matter of a second Terran priest who came in when Sydney cast the spell to get back into their flat. Hagan smooths that out and leaves her to watch reruns of Friends, sitting next to a very charred corpse that has an explanation but little relevance to the current recap.

- The thing is, the problem remains. The spell ends when everyone's left the flat... but they can't leave. What to do?

--- Oh Hi Aximander

- Meanwhile, Aximander is in Neo-Spacedin. This is interesting because he was just in the extradimensional flat that nobody could leave.
- The new moon is high overhead and he's looking at a woman wearing broken bits of PS4 as jewellery. She's getting a lukewarm Hawaiian pizza out of the replicator inside the broken spaceship at the heart of the town.
- The woman turns and says "ah Aximander! Thank you! Do you have that crystal of infinite possibilities I asked for?"
- Aximander passes the crystal, and the woman hands him a bowl of pineapple chunks that have been picked off replicator pizza.
- Ahah! It was a jape! An Elf jape! The woman whisks off her image and reveals that he is Gifflewim! What a tricker! And naturally, the same sort of Languid Wastrel Elf as Aximander.

- They barter. Aximander wants Gifflewim to take one of these beads to a deep level of Dwimmermount. Gifflewim says he'll do it for a favour in kind. Dubious, but acceptable. They shake hands, stare up at the moon, and head off to do more dark deals in the dead of night.

--- Where Were You Aximander??

- In the morning, Aximander leaps gracefully through a window with lukewarm Hawaiian pizza and some beers, plus a roomba.
- The others are incredibly impressed by Elf bullshit.

- He explains the bead, crush this one in his hand and you teleport to that one that Gifflewim placed last night. Simple!
- Sydney takes the bead and crushes it, vanishing. Minutes later the front door to the flat opens. It worked! They're back on a lower level of Dwimmermount! What's more, they're surprisingly close to the Prison of Terms Termax that they were so worried about!

Total: 9000exp

Treasures:

- The Old Miner, now ensconced in Sydney's flat.
Total: Priceless and thus expereinceless

Enemies Defeated:

- Stone Golems, confuddled (2000 exp)

- A bunch of Scoblins (100 exp)

Total: 2100 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 8 Magic-User: 195202 (Level up at 288000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 7 Languid Wastrel: 107978 (Level up at 144000)

- George / Hagen the Heretic, Level 7 Dwarf: 83650 (Level up at 128000)

- Charles / Grogg Greedy, Level 6 Inheritor: 39520 (Level up at 72000)

- Tim / Rudolphus Von, Level 2 Specialist: 2320 (Level up at 3500)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!

Session 374 - Dragon Hoards!

 Date: 28 May

Moon: Waning Gibbous
Zenith: Eris

Events:

--- Lore Feast

- The party emerge refreshed from the extradimensional apartment into the caveman caverns below Dwimmermount. Those double-wide Dwarfs are still about, under the command of the Cosmog the emaciated ex-priest of the man-become-god Terms Termax.
- To their surprise, one of the Dwarves declares that he's originally from Salisburgh and was granted this long-lived Dwarf body as a reward from Terms Termax himself!

- The party have a classic decision - go up and find this Great Machine that's supposed to let Terms escape his prison, or go down in pursuit of LORE and the promise of meeting Terms' estranged lover Babylon Snels. They decide that down it is!

--- More Dragons Than You Can Shake a Dungeon At

- Unfortunately there's a whole family of wingless stone-skinned dwimmerdragons to get through if they want to reach the Deep City, and what's worse is they can smell the taint of Terms Termax on anyone who got stamped by a magical mouth on the prison level.
- Yes, they all got that stamp.
- Cosmog gives a rundown on the dragons. There's Dresseldrack (previously met) who smells like garlic. Handily this does cover up the smell of the stamp. Then there's Jarnabal, who due to complications with a Ravenous Zombie he ate one time is COMPLETELY mad until he's eaten a brain. Beyond him is Aryzmyr who is the youngest and vulnerable to flattery. Finally the big man patriarch himself Razylymvaerr who commands a whole volcanic zone and guards the stairs down.

- Oh hey and Cosmog's got a plan to deal with Terms Termax. See, if Eris ascends to the heavens it will lock Chaos out of the world and allow the Gods to control everything in perfect harmony. Terms Termax is planning to go up there instead and take control himself, granting limited magics to his followers. Cosmog's (admittedly half-baked) plan vis-à-vis Terms Termax is to install some kind of dead man's switch in Terms' angel metal body so that he can be controlled and prevented from reneging on his stated goals. Good right? Right...

--- Flattery Will Get You Anywhere

- The party set off, somewhat perturbed and fearful of the thing where consecutive nights in a dungeon make encounters more likely. They have spent a LOT of consecutive nights down here. It's fine for now though at least.
- Everyone puts on various potions and powders to get rid of the stink. Good thing Aximander's here and can change the perceptions of things. Instead of a dress into a ballgown, he turns tattoos into less stinky skin. Should work right?
- They follow the instructions and get to go straight to Aryzmyr's lair. The dwimmerdragon himself is stone-skinned and gem-encrusted, lying on a ledge and is indeed as vulnerable to blandishment as Cosmog said! Hagan and Grogg lay it on thick.
- He warns that his father will likely summon Jarnabal if he's even slightly suspicious of your motives, and Jarnabal can swim through stone.

- Aximander instead challenges Aryzmyr to a friendly duel. As it happens, Aryzmyr loves duels! He's even got a dojo at the back of the ledge! Let's do it!
- Alas for Aryzmyr, Aximander is a trickster. No sooner have they shaken hands (or at least grasped forelimbs), Aximander casts Reknit Essence and vanishes the dragon from this world! The dragon vanishes in a swirl of spaghettification to be made anew.
- Teehee, they gather up the loot! 100 gold pieces of Dwarven make, the Mountaintop Gauntlet that makes you ascend to the highest point of wherever you are so long as you're gripping something, the Moon Glaive which is more powerful under moonlight (and Hagan insists is not a glaive because it's a throwing disk not a polearm) and a long ladder woven from Dwarven beard hair. Not bad!
- They scarper before Arzymyr reappears.

--- Razylymvaerr's Bane

- They continue and come out into... what? A whole open-air area? This far down? Surely not!
- The sky burns with red stars that drip streams of magma across the scorched volcanic rock.
- The dragon himself peers down and laughs, his body covered in rich red rubies. He's huge, and has wings! The undersides shimmer with silver. He's beautiful.

- Hagan steps forth, declaring that he wishes to learn the ways of his ancestors. The Dragon laughs, but says that maybe Hagan still has a few drops of Terran blood in his veins after the years of interbreeding.
- Sydney basically calls bollocks on this whole open world area, it's defo an illusion. They cast Hallucinatory Terrain, the world shimmers... and something seems to snap! The illusion collapses, revealing Razylymvaerr to be somewhat less handsome, without working wings, at the end of a wide corridor, and set with lower quality rubies.

- Sydney summons a Sudden Siege Engine ballista and Grogg climbs aboard! As he's fired into battle, they hear a sound like spaghetti being unwound from somewhere behind them, and then Aryzmyr bellow "treachery!".

--- Get in the Dragon, Sydney!

- Grogg hits the Dragon and basically bounces off, albeit he manages to apply a bunch of Pain Poison to the dragon. Hagan follows up, misses, gets cold feet, and tries to escape into the nearby room. It's not just a room, it's a treasure room! 
- Taken aback by the riches, it's the only opening Razylymvaerr needs to follow and nearly bite him in half!

- It's suddenly a bit more dire than anyone expected. They need to do something drastic.
- Sydney nods to Aximander and charges in, spinning a fast-cast Mind Switch into creation! It nearly fails... then succeeds! Sydney IS the dragon! The dragon IS Sydney!
- Before Razylymvaerr can recover from this bizarre sequence of events, Aximander has slipped a ring onto Sydney's finger. There is a flash and Razylymvaerr-in-Sydney is a cat now. He struggles in vain.

--- I am Your Father
- Aryzmyr comes in at that moment, eyes flashing. Everyone else hides in the treasure room just in time! Aryzmyr looks good actually. He looks shrewd and moves with poise. Sydney is yet more shrewd, though, and tricks him into thinking it's still his dad in control of the dragon body! Aryzmyr leaves in a bit of a huff.

- The others cheer (quietly...) and loot the treasure room! There's a hoard of coins and gems, three sets of teleport beads, a pocketwatch that drops a corpse and turns you invisible when you're attacked, some potions, a scroll, and best of all a baby dwimmerdragon statue carved from jet black rock that acts like it's alive!

- Grogg is over the moon, there's never usually treasure when he's around!

--- Complications Arising From a Mind Switch

- Now there's just the question of what to do with this big dragon body Sydney's inside! They decide to scrape off those jewels for a start.
- This kills the dragon.

- Sydney is back in their body again. The only issue... so is Razylymvaerr! There was nowhere for his mind to go so it's in Sydney now. Brain roommates??
- Grogg devours the dragon corpse and steals its powers of illusion. I'm sure this will go well!
- Hagan checks out the long spiral borehole downwards. It's smooth, a long long ramp, like a huge screw. Good thing he's got that armour with wheels on it! He kneels and goes wheeeeeee!

- The others follow. When he reaches the bottom he sees glimmering lights over a crazy city built inside an enormous geode. The way is guarded by huge stone Dwarf statues. They have not moved yet though...

- The party collects themselves and has a quick meal break. There is a thrumming, deep singing, and a misty pearlescent haze of Azoth. They've finally reached it - the deepest point of Dwimmermount!

Total: 8000 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- Aryzmyr, spaghettified and tricked (1250 exp)
- Razylymvaerr, mind-switched and murdered (1500 exp)
Total: 2750 exp

Treasures Looted:

- 1100gp (55 000 exp)

- 20000sp (20 000 exp)
- Bag o' Gems (5000 exp)

- Three sets of Teleport Beads

- Mountaintop Gauntlet
- Moon Glaive

- Dwarf Beard Rope Ladder

- Dead Ringer

- Jet Pet Dwimmerdragon (10 000 exp)

- Potion #147 - Growth
- Potion #285 - Bottle Imp

- Potion #27 - Overdose

- Scroll #6317 - Illusory Double

Total: 90 000 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 8 Magic-User: 192782 (Level up at 288000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 7 Languid Wastrel: 105658 (Level up at 144000)

- George / Hagen the Heretic, Level 7 Dwarf: 81330 (Level up at 128000)
Level Up! +1d10 HP! +1 to Saves! +Lorebond! +Backstory!

- Charles / Grogg Greedy, Level 6 Inheritor: 37200 (Level up at 72000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Meat Point! +1 Mutation Cap! +Backstory!

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Meat Point! +1 Mutation Cap! +Backstory!

Session 373 - Terms Termax in a Trap!

Date: 30 April

Moon: Waxing Gibbous
Zenith: Alaunus

Events:

--- Emaciated Priests

- We rejoin our heroes deep in Dwimmermount. The walls and floor are classic dungeon, carved from the very stone of the mountain. They are gathered around a stone mouth carved in the wall which has stamped everyone (and their caveman minions) with the symbol of Terms Termax and given each person a chunky physical key.
- Aximander returns! The Elven wine he's been guzzling down for the past several weeks has, miraculously, healed his broken leg! He, too, puts his hand in the stone mouth and receives his stamp and key.

- They all continue down the corridor, hoping to find the fallen god Eris who was legendarily shot out of the sky by Terms Termax and secreted within Dwimmermount.

- But lo! Shapes emerge from the darkness! It's a set of emaciated priests in priestly robes marked with the cross-in-circle symbol of Terms Termax! When the party reveal their hand-stamps and keys, the priests brighten up and motion them to follow.

- They lead the party through a bunk room with more emaciated people and into a larger room with a desk. Behind the desk is another priest named Viator. It transpires that he (and the priests in general) will only talk to the Honoured Ones at the front of the party, not the Useless Ones in the second rank. They will, however, listen skeptically to those Useful Ones in the back ranks.

- They inform the party that Terms Termax is beyond the elaborate angel metal door, but imprisoned within a prison barrier that lets anyone enter but only lets Lawful creatures leave.
- They open the door and see the barrier, and also see that the whole area beyond is made of angel metal like the inside of the Seraphim they entered in the apocalypse. All shining brass and whirring gears, and of course a shimmering pearlescent barrier as promised.

- To test the barrier they send through a caveman. Indeed he cannot leave! He cries.

--- Terms Termax

- A huge clanking robot stomps into view, at its very centre is a head in a jar. It sees the stamp on the caveman's hand and greets it in every language at once, saying that its name is...
- Terms Termax!

- The other cavemen, enraptured, follow through the barrier. The true god!
- Sydney throws a bunch of huge frog legs through the barrier so they'll at least have something to eat. Terms Termax calls for a woman, Pericleia, similarly imprisoned, to gather the frog legs for him.
- Terms Termax rambles on about how he was trapped in here by his lover the "Whore of Babylon" who betrayed him, and he will reward anyone who frees him with mighty abilities.

--- Portal Experiments

- Grog slops a bunch of Portal Milk (from Christmas, long curdled) onto the barrier, and it opens a portal to the Milk Dimension! Alas, no way through, and they cannot even enter the milk dimension. It seems that no dimension-shifting, portal-making or other such magical nonsense will work in this area.
- They try to get a caveman to come back out, but despite charging with all its strength it ponks off the barrier and falls backwards, definitely a concussion.
- Aximander sticks the tip of his finger through the barrier and casts Reknit Essence on the fallen caveman. It works, but unfortunately reforms within the barrier. No way out that way.

- Aximander's finger is, however, stuck in the barrier and turning black since the blood can't come back out. He beseeches Terms Termax, who slices off the fingertip with a cigar chopper that he forms from his metal body. Aximander is free! But sans a fingertip.

- Sydney tries his Stolen Sanctum spell, hoping to steal the room despite the anti-extradimensional nature of the prison. It goes off... strangely. Using his slime familiar as a makeshift viewing portal, Sydney sees that a room has been added, but it's just a room in the shape of the room he tried to steal completely filled with angel metal!

- The others ask Terms Termax the full name of his betrayer, and he spits the name at them... God-Shall-Smite-Asunder-The-Whore-Of-Babylon Snels!

- The party is in shock. Isn't she meant to be a Dwarf? Is there a Dwarf in the Snels family line? She was certainly a Denialist!

- There is debate over whether they go up to the Great Machine which will turn off the barrier, or down to meet the Snels matriarch and find out more lore. Eventually they reach consensus - down it is!

- Backtrack to Go Forward

- They invite Viator into the party (he agrees as long as he can be in the honoured front rank) and head back up to find the way down. The prison is the lowest level, you see, but there's an even lower level if you find the right way down.

- They all head up, past the big stone dwarf golem which allows the Termax-branded party through, and back to the cavemen den. They inform the wives and children that the men are trapped in a magic prison due to following a false idol. They wail!

- Party don't care. They keep going. At the south end of the massive caveman cave they run into another group - this a host of eight double-wide Dwarves and their wizened leader Cosmog! Cosmog is a fellow wizened Termaxian priest, but he's extremely anti-Terms Termax and considers him a false idol. He and Viator have WORDS! They want to FIGHT!
- Sydney casts Reknit Essence on Viator to make him vanish for a few hours. They step forward to take Viator's place in the honoured front rank, and parleys with Cosmog.
- It turns out that a great rumbling about 24 years ago allowed him to escape, and he's been plotting to defeat Terms Termax ever since! These double-wide Dwarves were to help him with that!
- They allow the party to camp out with them and the cavemen, who donate some big chunky cave crickets for dinner.

- Grog uses them to cook up "Grogg's 'Famous' Drunk Cricket Porridge" by combining them with stale beer and giant millet. It's tasty!

- Everyone rests up and gets ready for the next descent...

Total: 5000 exp

Foes Defeated:
- Viator, technically. (1000 exp)

Total: 1000 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 8 Magic-User: 167594 (Level up at 288000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 7 Languid Wastrel: 80470 (Level up at 144000)

- George / Hagen the Heretic, Level 6 Dwarf: 56142 (Level up at 64000)

- Ollie / Divinity, Level 6 Battle-Cleric (Fighter 3/ Cleric 3): 55338 (Level up at 72000)

- Charles / Grogg Greedy, Level 4 Inheritor: 12012 (Level up at 18000)

Session 372 - Into the Arms of Cavemen

Date: 23 April

Moon: Full Moon

Zenith: The Dead God

New Backstory:

- Randell was a simple generic Level 1 adventurer, on his way to a generic level 1 town with rats in the basement, when he was waylaid by a beautiful level 1 maiden. Their passionate romance ended when he discovered that she was no level 1 maiden, she was a level 99 Vampire Boss! In a fit of panic, and a bit of blind luck, Randell managed to slay her. When you carouse, gain a contact of your sexual preference in this town.
- Randell also had very religious grandparents, whom he loved and respected and was raised by after Jonathon Toast killed his parents. Turns out that Randell's "failed orphan" backstory was because he actually became an orphan very late in life! Double religion bonus.

Events:

--- The Dragon in the Next Room

- Forewarned that there are dragons ahead, the party bother Sydney into reopening the portal to their Safe Space. There is a waft of garlic from the next room, and their thoughts of delicious garlic are tempered by the thought that sometimes poison smells like stuff you aren't expecting. Distantly from another direction, there is the faint echo of Dwarven song.
- Before entering the Safe Space, Sydney wafts a blast of Cloudkill into the next room in the hopes of cheesing the garlicky dragon. Alas, burning eyes can be seen and a booming voice says WHO ATTEMPTS TO POISON DRESSELDRAQ?!?! before Sydney scarpers into the extradimensional flat.

--- The Next Morning
- While everyone else is resting, Randell wakes up fairly early. He nabs a beer from the fridge to feed to Divinity's leg (which is, of course, the cocaine-craving vulture demon XORTHREMIUTH) and nips out into the dungeon to investigate the garlic situation. Breakfast, you know?

- He instead comes face to face with Dresseldraq the Dwimmerdragon, a six-legged wingless dragon carved from gem-encrusted stone. It's quite chatty, at least to Randell, who flatters its gems and asks about the breath. The breath turns to stone, but smells tasty at least. Dresseldraq is here to guard the way down to the city below, and its function was once as a sort of Dwarf-recycler. He will let people past if they have a special brooch that marks people as friends of the city.
- Meanwhile Hagan the Heretic pokes his head out of the door and heads off in the direction of the Dwarven singing from before. Randell takes his leave from the dragon and follows.

--- Dwarves of Ur-Kalladh

- Hagan starts singing yesterday's song, with backing vocals from Randell, and lo! Dwarves emerge! They are armoured in very fancy armour. They're from Ur-Kalladh and here to try to create some Stone Sons from the azoth-enriched stone. Unfortunately the Stone Sons awoke very suddenly and violently and ran off immediately!
- They say that the dragon will let Dwarves past as traditional custodians of the deep city. They also sell Randell some "really crappy" chain armour that is, in fact, rather good. Just worse than theirs.

--- Passing the Dragon

- They head back to the dragon with an idea of how to get past. Randell is mates with the dragon now, so he's cool. Hagan is a Dwarf, likewise cool. Divinity is going to wear Hagan's brooch that lets you through, also cool. Sydney is the problem.
- Luckily Sydney can turn into a cat with the cat-collar ring. Cool!
- Thus the heroes pass by the dragon.

--- And Yet, Dragons.

- The next room also has a dwimmerdragon, but this one simply growls and grunts and looks with hostile intent!
- They flee, finding yet another dragon! This one is less friendly, albeit talkative, and the party flees!
- They run, unheeding of their surroundings, deeper into the dungeon!
- Alas, after a thrilling chase sequence, the dragons catch up to them!

--- Chamber of the Cavemen

- It's a vast chamber, filled with a whole load of cavemen! Ugg ugg, etc!
- Hagan and Divinity prostrate themselves before the lead caveman, who has a big feathered crown.
- Sydney has an idea - activating a backstory ability to... force someone to make a romantic advance.
- The chieftain approaches Sydney amorously, to her disdain. At least he sends away the dragons! They've got a pre-existing relationship it seems.
- The chief is motioning to his crotch, Sydney gets on their knees, and... Sydney reaches forward with the cat-collar ring and turns the chief into a cat!
- Randall tries shooting the silver gun, but alas when everything Sydney was holding got turned to silver it also silverified the propellant! The bullet simply slides out of the chamber!

- There is a brief battle. The chief is killed, along with several other cavemen, and the remainder bow down before the mage Sydney. Minions!

--- The Way Down

- They claim the loot of the Chieftain - a big ol' macuahuitl and some sort of Rod of Unbuckling. It unbinds, unknots, undoes stuff.
- The cavemen tell Sydney of a way down they know of, guarded by a huge statue of a Dwarf. They head there... and the Dwarf bows down before Divinity and her brooch.
- A wall of light blocks the way down. Sydney uses rune bullshit to evade it, and they continue on with the cavemen in tow.

--- A Key

- At the bottom is an ominous black room with white mosaics. Pillars read Bonito, Justitio, and Malito. Each corresponds to murals of good prisoners let go, bad prisoners being killed, thus between simply imprisoned.
- Sydney sends a couple of cavemen out to scout. Randell goes with one group. One opens a door and he sees a mechanical hand lash out and rip the caveman's face clean off, then take off its thumbs! Fuck!
- Randell cautiously looks down the corridor and sees an alcove, past the death door. He bravely walks up to it and a magic mouth demands something in Latin.
- Hagan speaks Latin! Lucky! He turns up and the mouth is asking him to put his hand inside it for verification. With trepidation, he does... and it marks his hand with a stamp and gives him a fat actual key!

- The door behind them opens and... oh fuck oh no... it's some sort of horrible clanking android trying to puppet the caveman's mouth to try and bait Randell in! Its body is a torture rack, its head is an iron maiden head, and its hand are thumbscrews!
- Both flee, Randell up the corridor and Hagan back to the black room.

--- Torture Golems

- Randell tries a door and inside is... gems! Big massive gems! On either side are immobile torture golems.
- Randell, naturally, takes the gems. The golems come to life and attack!

- Divinity busts in to help, hearing the screams, and helps free Randell from the thumb-screwing clutches of the golem! They escape together, discovering that at least the golems are slow in pursuit!

- The golems stop just before reaching the magic mouth.
- Upon seeing that Hagan and his key aren't attacked by the golems, a caveman attempts to get himself a key. Alas! He fails! The torture golems SURGE FORWARD and attack!

- There is an extended battle. The golems are extremely strong, they can wrestle you onto the rack for damage over time, or just thumbscrew you to death with their powerful attacks!
- Cavemen fall left and right!

- Divinity is caught on the rack, but channels holy power into a full-body smite to release herself!

- Hagan holds back, safe with the key, supporting where he can.
- Sydney blasts with magic missiles and is aghast as their cavemen minions fall.
- Randell keeps his distance, already badly hurt by these very contraptions before, attacking only when the opportunity presents itself.
- The torturebots eventually fall, but the party is aghast at their power. This truly is deep dungeon.

--- Stamp the Hands

- Finally, everyone (and the surviving cavemen) get their hands stamped and their keys approved with the help of Sydney's meta-manipulation powers. Safe from torturebots... they hope!
- To prove this, Randell goes into the room opposite his gem room and takes the gems. The torturebots, thankfully, remain immobile!

Total: 11000 exp

Treasure:
- 6 massive gems (15000 exp)

- Rod of Unbuckling
- Huge Macahuitl

- Torturebot fragments
Total: 15000 exp

Enemies:

- A whole bunch of cavemen (200 exp)
- Two torturebots (3000 exp)

Total: 3200 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 8 Magic-User: 166394 (Level up at 288000)

- George / Hagen the Heretic, Level 6 Dwarf: 54942 (Level up at 64000)

- Ollie / Divinity, Level 6 Battle-Cleric (Fighter 3/ Cleric 3): 54138 (Level up at 72000)

- Tom / Randell the Vampire Slayer, Level 5 Fighter: 18570 (Level up at 32000)

Level Up! +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble! +backstory!

Session 371 - BIG SLUG

Date: 2 April

Moon: Waning Gibbous

Zenith: Dispater

New Backstory:

- Divinity pulled off the greatest prank anybody had ever pulled - pretending to be a boy all the way through school until she revealed the truth at her graduation! Once per session, someone completely believes a vaguely plausible lie.
- Randall has a tragic backstory - his parents were devoured by a horrible airborne monster known only as Jonathon Toast. He's on a quest to destroy Jonathon Toast. Once per session, someone you hurt must tell you the truth.

Events:

--- Sydney's New Flatmate
- Sydney, in a mile-wide circle of destroyed plantlife on normally verdant Venus, is sucked into a portal and deposited back where they started - in front of a horrible demonic vulture person!
- Luckily they've spent their time reading through their (very heavy, pure silver) book of demon names, and knows the the vulture demon is called XORTHREMIUTH. This allows them to make binding deals!
- Sydney makes a binding deal with the demon - live in the extradimensional flat, keep it tidy, and obey one request per month. Unfortunately Sydney mispronounces the demon's name (it's "-uth" not "-us") and now the demon has full access to the flat and no bindings. Hurrah!

--- Past the Seal

- The rest of the party have been waiting in the big hall with the living statue of a psychopomp, and it kindly decides not to obliterate Sydney due to the killing of the vampire which the statue so hated.
- They all troop off to the next floor down, passing the Blood Seal that once blocked the exit.

--- Treasure Cave

- At the bottom of the stairs, gems! Loads of them! They're fairly valuable on their own, and have a strange property where they get melty in your hands. Hagan eats one and hey! It heals!
- They explore a little and find a cave full of... flying rats with beetle wings and one long tooth! Hagan declares these to be sloppily reskinned Stirges and tells everyone to run! It's too slow though, and Divinity gets mobbed by a load of rat-stirges which manage to burrow into her leg hard enough to fracture it!
- Sydney wafts in with a Cloudkill and wipes out almost all of the rat beetles! Divinity heals herself up a bit with godly magic and grabs the sack of gems in the middle of the room. Value!

--- Return to the Flat

- Sydney summons the Safe Space and ushers everyone in to heal up after the rat bites.

- Inside is a VERY coked up vulture demon. He got into the cocaine hearts! Sydney's heart falls.
- Divinity makes a deal with the devil (pronouncing the name right and all). The vulture demon agrees to become her new leg, vulture head poking out of the knee.
- Sydney grudgingly cooks dinner.

--- SLUG

- The next day they exit the flat and wander further. They hear voices and - lo! - it's some Halflings! They're gathered around a corpse tied to a stalagmite.

- They're friendly enough though. Randall loots the corpse, then peeks into the next area. There's a HUGE slug with a big green pustule on its face, which pops to spit acid! Also a hole dubbed the New Greasy Tube. The acid damage is no joke - 6d8 damage!
- Randall sprints through the room into another chamber. He's nearly killed by Piercers, but escapes!
- Sydney impresses the Halflings by using a Beam Fire glyph, but when they're distracted the Halflings attack! What a shocker! They leap onto Sydney and Divinity's backs and try to mind wrestle them into submission!
- Worse, the slug teleports! What the hell! It's also branded with the symbol of Terms Termax!
- They attempt to shake off the Halflings. Randall runs for the New Greasy Tube, seeing a bunch of bones in a sort of cool ossuary formation down the passage that the slug came from. He slides down and finds himself in a sort of hotel lobby! A stone Dwarf lady polishes stoneware.
- The others follow, Sydney stopping briefly to Magic Missile the Halflings to death with a snap of the fingers.

--- Friendly Bartender

- When Sydney arrives sweaty and shaking, the others are already at the bar. They're talking to the bartender.
- They discover that the Slug was an experiment in immortality by Terms Termax, that the passages tend to loop back around, and the way down has "Dwimmerdragons" in the way.

- Eris is indeed imprisoned below in THE GOD PRISON. Below that is the "Old City" but the bartender doesn't know much beyond that.
- Sydney wants this room, so casts Stolen Sanctum! It works... but anybody who comes into this room of the flat must fight the bartender first before she'll make you a drink!

Total: 7000 exp

Treasure:

- 18 healing gems (180 exp)
- 3 bloodstones (1500 exp)
- 3 sardonyx (150 exp)
Total: 1830 exp

Kills:

- A couple of "innocent" Halflings. (200 exp)
Total: 200 exp

Exp Total:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 8 Magic-User: 159094 (Level up at 288000)

- George / Hagen the Heretic, Level 6 Dwarf: 47642 (Level up at 64000)

- Ollie / Divinity, Level 6 Battle-Cleric (Fighter 3/ Cleric 3): 46838 (Level up at 72000)

- Tom / Randall the Vampire Slayer, Level 4 Fighter: 11270 (Level up at 16000)
Level Up! +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble! +Backstory!

Session 370 - Vampires, Vultures and Venus

Date: 26 March

Moon: Waning Gibbous

Zenith: Oberon

New Characters:

- Verling Dingo the Venerable, a wizard so old (486 years old in fact) that he forgot all his experience. His familiar, a vulture, circled ominously overhead. He wielded a stuffed cat.

Events:

--- Loot the Room!

- After last session's late-run battle against the vampire babes, we return to Divinity and Sydney in the grand curtain-lined hall in the depths of Dwimmermount. Kill the boss vampire and they can get past the Blood Seal to the lower level.
- Arriving in the room, out of breath, is a stranger! This is Verling Dingo, a wizened old wizard, come to join the party after hearing of their heroic deeds.
- Conveniently for Verling, the treasure from last time is unlooted!
- The others throw aside the curtains and stake the hearts of the vampire babes as they recover in their coffins. Beneath each is a blade.
- One, shaped like a rat's head, is the Ratman's Edge. The other, formed of pitted steel, is the Sword of Ages. Both are claimed!
- In the vampire lord's coffin is... a body! It resists staking because on closer inspection it's a hollow statue made of sapphire. It also has breathing holes in the nose (Verling stuffs them with stuffed cat fur) and behind it in the wall is a grille - the vampire must have escaped again!

- Sydney summons the Safe Space and loads it up with loot - coffins, big red curtains, sapphire statue. They all rest, despite knowing this means the vampire will probably have respawned by morning.

--- Divinity Divines the Way

- In the morning Sydney goes to their Red Elf Heart collection and scarfs one down to enable another round of rebirth. The hearts are also made of pure cocaine, so Sydney is alert and AMPED!
- They head around the hall, hoping to find wherever the grille leads. They warn Verling that the statues around here can and will laser Chaotic beings such as they. Divinity, Lawful by aura, heads to the empyreal God to re-up her blessing and ask some questions.
- It seems that the only way to easily permanently kill the vampire is to bring it into this room. The psychopomp's sheer Lawful aura will turn it to ash!
- The God grants Divinity its anti-undead aura again, and reminds her that it can restore level drain once a week in case the vampire does bite her.

--- Verling the Venerable's Vivisection

- Divinity rejoins the party to see Sydney with massive pupils babbling about a business venture. Verling takes the lead into the next room for some reason.
- It's a guardhouse. There are cells (one of which contains a Halfling) and several zombies, naked other than roman helmets, sitting around the place. Two are behind a counter, another two are staring at cards like they were playing a card game.
- The zombies suddenly look up, eyes flashing red! They speak and demand to know who goes there!
- The Halfling in the cell introduces herself as Merry Proudfoot and says she's hiding from them in the cell. They've eaten brains and are now Ravenous, which means they've got about ten minutes to eat another brain if they want to retain consciousness.
- Verling turns back to the zombies and THEY'RE ON HIM! His throat is torn out instantly, and as the vital lifeblood of his 486 year old body pours onto the floor he feels claws start to prise his head open.
- His vulture familiar erupts into its original demon form! It's a horrible floating squid, spores glisten from its rubbery pores! The zombies let go of the corpse and face this new foe!
- Divinity charges in with her great-axe to avenge the old man, while Sydney casts Magic Missile and... something goes wrong. The spell goes awry! The magic slips out of their grip and everything they own turns to pure silver! Sydney cannot move easily, the thick silver foil of their robes limiting mobility.

- Divinity fumbles against a zombie, sending her axe spinning away across the floor. She unsheathes the Sword of Ages... what does it even do? She tries it out and discovers it does more damage the older they are, and these zombies are very old indeed! Zombies fall to the Sword of Ages.

--- Brief Thief

- But what's this? Another new character so soon? Jumping from under the covers in a seemingly empty cell, a "generic Thief" type jumps forth! He charges into a zombie, sending both flying behind the counter, barely avoiding a ballista bolt fired from Sydney's Sudden Siege Engine!
- The ballista bursts the squid demon and one of the zombies, thudding into the wall behind.
- The final zombie cracks open the Thief's head, devours the brain, and absconds. Battle over!

--- Vultures, Vampires, and Venus

- Rolling out from under the counter where he'd been hiding is another new character! His name is Randall and Merry the Halfling informs him that they were part of the same party. He doesn't remember this, but he does have a sore spot on the back of his neck so maybe she's telling the truth?
- He also believes this to be a "level 2 dungeon" whatever that means, since he can't remember past the entrance.
- In any case, Merry Proudfoot joins the party too.
- They all head out into the corridor and hey! It's the other end of the grille! They peek round a corner and see the zombie that just absconded talking to a giant vulture monster that can only say "SCREEAWWW".
- Sydney Siege Engines them, and the ballista hits the pillar behind them... revealing that the pillar is hollow! Within is a coffin standing sarcophagus-style! The bolt bumps against the coffin but doesn't go through.
- More fast zombies are in there too, and they swiftly run away.
- The Vulture Demon flies at them, and the zombies who ran away were actually flanking! They burst in from another direction, and Sydney unleashes another Siege Engine... but the spell goes awry again! There is a flash of green and a whiff of vegetation and... Sydney is gone.

--- Elsewhere

- Sydney emerges in a strange alien forest, under a strange alien sky. A weird reticulated plant creature approaches and threatens. It says that this is Venus, and they kill all intruders.
- Sydney grins. Finally, a use for the spell they swore they could never use. The spell that kills all natural plantlife within a mile. Sydney waves their arms and casts the Blight.

--- Desperate Slayer

- It's Divinity and Randall against the world. Fast zombies from one side, barely fended off by Divinity. A vulture demon from the other, striking with beak and claws and razor wings.
- The vulture demon forces them to boast or suffer the consequences! Divinity resists at first, then acquiesces. Her pride sustains the monster. She swipes at it with a Smite, but it dodges back! Its counterattack fails, though, and it stumbles to the ground!
- Randall runs past as zombies rake at Divinity, sprinting straight for the ballista bolt that is inches from the vampire's coffin!
- He jumps, feet coming together to land a perfect spear-kick on the ballista bolt!
- It thuds home, cracking straight through the coffin and into the vampire's heart! There is a great scream, and a distant detonation!
- Divinity hears this and makes a fighting retreat, joining Randall on his sprint away from the zombies and the demon. They skid through the guardroom, past Merry who has now re-locked herself in the prison cell, and collapse into the safety of the Empyreal God's room!
- He feels the vampires death and thanks them profusely. Finally, his most annoying enemy has been defeated! He thanks Randall specifically - naming him Randall the Vampire Slayer.

--- Soon...?

- Sydney is surrounded by brown and withered vegetation. The alien stars burn bright. A portal reopens behind them, back to the lair of the vulture demon.
- Sydney believes that Venus is about a mile across. The planet must be dead. They turn to the portal, grin, and leave to a different fate.

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures Looted:
- Sapphire Statue (10 000 exp)
- 1000 copper coins (100 exp)
- Sword of Ages
- Ratman's Edge

Total: 10100 exp

Enemies Defeated:
- Several ravenous zombies (100 exp)

- A vampire lord (finished off)

- The planet Venus (?)

Total: 100 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 8 Magic-User: 154107 (Level up at 288000)

- Ollie / Divinity, Level 6 Battle-Cleric: 41951 (Level up at 72000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1d6 Healing Pool! +1 Min Faith! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!

- Tom / Randall the Vampire Slayer, Level 3 Fighter: 6383 (Level up at 8000)
Level Up! +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!