Session 75 - Santa's Sleighers

JUST ON TIME HA HA maybe I should outsource these to gremlins
This week I have been in some sort of documentation nightmare zone between going full time in my job and also trying to buy a house before nefarious real estate vultures outbid us. But I got round to writing this, by Jove I did.

I've probably gotten New!Oliver's email wrong since it was hard to read, so if you know his email lemme know!

Also a word of warning - I'm going to Amsterdam on the weekend so I may be more scatterbrained and bamboozled than usual on the 19th. If you're going to try to con imaginary riches out of me, that's going to be the easiest time to do it!

Oh and if you missed it, Charles put together a fantastic little animation regarding his death in the session previous. Check this madness out - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lmv50Kyhz6Q

See you in, oh, four hours or so.

Session 75 - Santa's Sleighers
Campaign Date:
Tuesday, 24 November, 1549
Moon Phase: First Quarter
Zodiac: Saggitarius

New Characters:
- Sparky, a wizard who retired from the army after realising he had three hit points.
- Zan, Spermling of Zea - a transdimensional spacehopping weirdo somehow spawned after the death of Zea.
- Le Chaz III, a Cleric and Vaginarius (snicker snicker)
- Osar, a former cooper and arcane dabbler

Enemies Defeated:
- 7 Gremlins, burnt to cinders by flamethrower (35 exp)
- 1 Snow golem, TKO'd (50 exp)
- Santa Claus (1000 exp)
Total: 1080 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 7 pieces of coal

- 3 jars of frosted sweets
- A bunch of silverware and platters from the kitchen (1000 exp)

- Several giant toys (900 exp)

- An array of torture instruments (500 exp)
- Santa's expanding sack
- A spellbook called "Gimblewang's Most Useful Spells"
- Horrible jumper that draws shadows to itself
- Mug of Ever-Eggnog
- Seven Seeking Snowballs
- A sword that is like a shard of ice
- One of the thirteen fabled Teeth of Vorn
- Two knives with a candy-cane pattern and a peppermint taste
- A tin of individually wrapped chocolate treats labled "Quality Street"
- A Terry's Chocolate Orange
- Random Scroll
- Random Scroll
- Random Potion
- Random Potion
- Random Potion
Total: 2400 exp

Exploration:
- Explored 4 dungeon rooms (80 exp)

- 2 alternate entries found (200 exp)
Total: 280 exp

Events:
- After licking their wounds in town, the party meets up with Lulu and some randoms they found in town and schlepps back to the ominous grotto. (50 exp)
- Out front are some innocent gremlins making snow angels. Lulu persuades them into thinking her flamethrower unit is a snow machine. (50 exp)
- The elves agree to take the party to Santa. Pushing the "snow machine" ahead, the group discovers the most direct route is blocked by a red nosed reindeer positioned facing a misty portal in the wall. (50 exp)
- Lulu tests out the misty portal via jumping into it while attached to the rope. It is indeed a portal to the top of the mountain for launching sleds through. (50 exp)
- Two of the newcomers begin jumping over reindeer to get to the back, while Lulu distracts Rudolph with a mince pie and begins untying him. (50 exp)
- This concerns the gremlins, but Mana gives one a couple of poisoned mince pies while the other's head is somehow quietly punched off (50 exp)
- Meanwhile others go to inspect the next room and check out the workshop. distracting the cheerful gremlins within while the poisoned elf outside screams himself to death before being chucked out the window. (50 exp)

- The reindeer-jumpers continue to nail their rolls, making their way to the sleigh itself. Rattling off the names of the reindeer in perfect order makes them float and fly away, to the dismay of Santa Claus himself. (50 exp)
- Things begin to go entertainingly wrong as the sleigh is stolen and the lowest health'd members of the party fly it out of the portal and into a holding pattern. (50 exp)
- The facility goes on high alert and the workshop gremlins attack, only to be insta-barbequed by the flamethrower. Gleefully the flamethrower is wheeled towards Santa's grotto. (50 exp)
- Lulu on Rudolph-back and Stabbington lead the charge against Santa himself, doing embarrassing amounts of damage to the poor fat bastard through Lulu's incredibly powerful crits, despite the super cute mistletoe trap that caught nobody. (50 exp)
- A late appearance by giant toy guardians does very little as Lulu rips Santa Claus' fucking jaw off. Inside his mighty sack - presents! (50 exp)

- With Santa eliminated, the rest of his minions collapse. The original dyslexic cult leader is unfrozen and questioned before being thrown bodily through a portal to the frozen north, and anything not nailed down is hurriedly stuffed into Santa's super special expanding sack. (50 exp)
- The party jump on the sleigh and go on their merry way, festooned with presents and the blood of innocent gremlins on their hands. (50 exp)

Total: 700 exp

Misc:
- AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Breach and Clear bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomacy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Headtaker bonus (50 exp)
- Kill It With Fire bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Monster Infighting bonus (50 exp)
- RSPCA bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- This! Is! Sparta! bonus (50 exp)
- War Crime bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
- Overkilled Santa Claus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium Bonus (Sparky, Stabbington, Lulu - 100 exp ea.)
Total: 900 exp + bonuses

Rumours:
- None up here

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None today!

[[]]

Exp Totals:
Dominic / Sir Stabbington Shanks, Level 6 Fighter: 45139 (Level up at 64000)
Oli / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 5 Barbarian: 26276 (Level up at 32000)
Sarah / Mana, Level 4 Specialist (Thief): 12310 (Level up at 12000)
Fraser / Jumarak2, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 9503 (Level up at 18000)
DING! +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell/day! +1 free spell!
Charles / Zan, Spermling of Zea, Level 1 Cleric: 670 (Level up at 1750)
Tom / Sparky, Level 1 Magic User: 770 (Level up at 2250)
Charlie / Le Chaz III, Level 1 Cleric: 670 (Level up at 1750)
Oliver / Osar, Level 1 Specialist (Dabbler): 670 (Level up at 1500)

Absent or Retired:

Kyle / Jane Doe, Level 4 Dwarf: 15899 (Level up at 17600)
David / Theras, Level 5 Specialist (Assassin): 13422 (Level up at 24000)
Mariana / Joe Joe, Level 5 Halfling: 28949 (Level up at 32000)

Dana / Bingo Augustus, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19863 (Level up at 36000)

James / Quarion, Level 3 Elf (Gremling): 7947 (Level up at 12000)

Gary / Skirr Abderian, Level 1 Specialist (Thief): 416 (Level up at 1500)

Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 4018 (Level up at 7000)

Wai / Mogwi Stitch-Up, Level 2 Specialist: 2715 (Level up at 3000)

Sam / Lucados Orbrus, Level 2 Fighter: 3000 (Level up at 4000)

Clay / Carthas, Level 1 Fighter: 371 (Level up at 2000)

John / West, Level 1 Cleric: 521 (Level up at 1750)

Hayley / Bob, Level 2 Dwarf: 2999 (Level up at 4400)

Niall / Roht, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 722 (Level up at 2250)

??? / Unnamed Cleric of the Garden God, Level 1 Cleric: 0 (Level up at 1750)

Florent / Sir Arthur, Level 1 Fighter: 186 (Level up at 2000)

Jamie / Alden, Level 1 Magic-User: 186 (Level up at 2250)

Ben / Thant, Level 1 Cleric: 186 (Level up at 1750)

Mike / Arran Folynn, Level 1 Specialist (Rogue): 186 (Level up at 1500)

Alex / Arhnin, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1518 (Level up at 3000)

Daniel / Davrak, Level 1 Magic User: 976 (Level up at 2250)

Nuno / Temperion, Level 1 Magic User: 742 (Level up at 2250)

Leo / Leo, Level 4 Cleric: 11102 (Level up at 14000)

Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 5 Dwarf: 19420 (Level up at 35200)

-- Mr Pig, Level 1 Porcine.

Aron / Alphonse the Gentleman Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1184 (Level up at 2000)

Nimrod / U, Level 2 Specialist (Monk): 2250 (Level up at 3000)

Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)

Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)

-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar

Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)

Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)

Will / Calen, Level 1 Halfling: 1582 (Level up at 2000)

Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)

Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)

Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)

Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)

Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)

Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)

Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)

Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)

Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)

Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)

Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)

Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)

rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)

Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)

Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)

Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)

Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)

Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)

John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)

Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)

-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)

Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)

Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)

Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)

Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)

George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)

Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)

Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)

Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)

Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)

Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)

Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)

Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)

Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)

--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human