Friday, 23 February 2018

Session 168 - We're Not Here to Fuck Spiders

It's a lot of debating the merits of murdering or obeying the queen of the demon spiders this session!
POWERLAD flies off to Moondin to deliver poison and see Bertha after a whole month or so apart.
Galaxy Johnson falls for the beautifully hideous demon spider queen.
Books are found, Mori gets sneaky, and Synthia absorbs an OP poison bite!

And also, Randy levelled up again?!

- Charles draws Galaxy's new lover​

Session 168 - We're Not Here to Fuck Spiders (Unless you're Galaxy Johnson)
Campaign Date:
Thursday, 4 February, 1601
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Zodiac: Capricorn

New Backstory:
- After hanging out and trading spells that morning, Sir Robyn has been looking at POWERLAD as a sort of mentor. We also discover POWERLAD's spellbook is actually a comic book, which is just the best. (At the start of each session, pick one of their skills. You can use their skill value for rolls as long as you can see and hear them)
- Mori had once saved the life of the gang member who betrayed him, making the betrayal twice as devastating. (Once per session, stumble across someone who ran away from you this session)
- Synthia has absorbed some of Andromeda's memories, specifically the pain of POWERLAD marrying another. Her revenge was, as we all know, to commit the brutal terrorist attack on the Moondin Arena. (Deal an automatic crit against the creature that first takes you below 0HP in a session)

Enemies Defeated:
- A demon spider (50 exp)
- A high-bond POWERLAD of Ereshkigal (75 exp)
Total: 170 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- A damaged scroll - Ward Against Magic
- A chess book dogeared to a page marked "Assan's Gambit"
- A book on strategy and tactics, useful to Fighters
- Book #293 - Law (100 exp)
- Book #123 - Far Qelong (100 exp)
- Book #169 - Mushroom Men (100 exp)
- Book #202 - The Nature of Goblins (100 exp)
- Book #292 - Linguistics (100 exp)
- Book #290 - Philosophy (100 exp)
- Book #238 - Moondin (100 exp)
- Book #164 - Sarpedon the Shaper (100 exp)
- Book #190 - Atrahasis, Deluvial Dragon (100 exp)
- Book #138 - Ratmen of the Underworld (100 exp)
Total: 1000 exp

- Explored 6 dungeon areas (120 exp)
- Travelled nearly 90 miles (300 exp)
Total: 420 exp

- It is the midst of combat! Mori, on fire, has leapt onto one of the second-tier angels with the wing cannons, jamming his knife into its leg joints! POWERLAD slides towards the other with hammers! (50 exp)
- The angel batters away at Mori with its arms to little effect. POWERLAD stumbles just before hitting the other and they go down in a tangle of limbs and brass. (50 exp)

- Mori jumps clear as Synthia swings in with her mighty axe, cleaving the the angel in two! Mori stops, drops, and rolls to get the fire off. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn yells at the watching spiders to help, and one of them drops from the ceiling to batter at an angel with its fangs. It's not very effective. (50 exp)

- Randy, however, grows BIG due to Galaxy Johnson's sick enlarge beam. It is time for THE PAIN TRAIN! And holy shit the Pain Train is real! He plows into the remaining angel, jumping at the last second to avoid hitting POWERLAD, and crushes it against the opposite wall! (50 exp)
- The holy white glow fades and the flattened fragments of angel clatter to the ground. Randy is a beast! (50 exp)
- The great spider queen Arach-Nacha is incredibly grateful. She smiles with the bright lips behind her mandibles, and Galaxy Johnson feels that he must, MUST! Worship his queen. (50 exp)
- She promised immunity to poison and she delivers... via spreading her mandibles and smooching Galaxy's strangely alien lips with hers. A long long tongue snakes down Galaxy's throat and he chokes as it writhes down into his belly. He can faintly taste his own vomit as it withdraws. (50 exp)
- It was yuck but it worked! She says that this immunity will last a week... which means that he'll have to keep doing favours for her if he wants to keep his shots up. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD also goes for it to the queen's delight. As he experiences the weirdest kiss of his life... back in Moondin Bertha feels another pang of strange jealousy. (50 exp)
- Synthia meanwhile is pretty stoked to kill and eat this spider queen. Imagine! Unlimited poison immunity! It's fingers to temples all round the table as the party engages in intense team chat debate. Presumably the characters are exchanging hyper-meaningful glances. (50 exp)
- The party is pretty well split as to whether they save the queen or kill her. Galaxy Johnson is enamoured with his new queen, but Synthia doesn't trust her at all. Most accept the poison immunity though. (50 exp)
- During the conversation, POWERLAD tries to convert the demon spider to the worship of Ninhursag. Poison spider, poison dragon. A perfect match, surely! She declines to worship him, but does wish to ally with him! (50 exp)
- She asks POWERLAD to take a message to Ninhursag for her, who says "uh yea sure..." since Ninhursag doesn't really traditionally speak as such. Nevertheless, he agrees to take a message. (50 exp)
- He also decides to get a sample of the queen's poison to assist with Ninhursag's poison research. Unfortunately the queen refuses to be milked... she only bites flesh. (50 exp)
- Not really a problem since POWERLAD's got a week of poison resistance. He lets her bite him and pump a ton of poison into his veins. He can feel the poison burning through his system, but it doesn't affect him as it should. Nice! (50 exp)

- POWERLAD decides to take his leave after further deliberation, hoping to Fly and walk back to Moondin over the next few days. (50 exp)
- Synthia and Mori go with him. Before they leave, Synthia asks the queen if a spider escort can assist them in their trip. The queen agrees, and one of the spiders heads off with them. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson and Sir Robyn stay to chat with the queen, keeping her distracted. The others reach the moon pool. POWERLAD keeps going, and when he's out of sight Synthia punches the spider escort in the mouth!! (50 exp)
- It's a one hit KO, unfortunately for her. She needs the spider to bite her in order to Inherit its powers. Luckily she just knocked it out, so she ties it up and waits for it to wake up (50 exp)
- POWERLAD shoots up into the sky outside! He flies over silent Muntburg and off towards Moondin with a single huge leap. (50 exp)

--- Team Spider
- Synthia slaps the spider awake and forces it to bite her. The poison rushes into her veins, but of course she's immune! Take that, spider! That crucial part over, she murders it and morphs over the body to digest it. (50 exp)

- Galaxy Johnson and Sir Robyn arrive just in time to see this gruesome sight, flesh and mud and organs wrapped around a spider's corpse. (50 exp)
- It's alright though. Soon enough Synthia has reformed back into her normal self... albeit with more of a spidery look about her. She stole both its venomous bite and its wall-crawling ability. Neat! (50 exp)
- There is yet more deliberation. Synthia really wants to eat that spider queen, but Galaxy Johnson says no not my queen! (50 exp)
- Persuading Synthia to leave it for now, they head towards that impregnable iris door to try to open it with this holy fingerbone they picked up. (50 exp)
- Angelic voices can be heard as they approach the room with those mysterious steam-spewing machines. An angel can be seen through the steam within, testing all the levers. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn sings out an order to disengage. It works! (50 exp)
- The party head through the steamy machine room and emerge into the aftermath of a battle. It was a bloodbath. Inclusions, spiders, and even a destroyed angel. (50 exp)
- Looting the bodies turns up a partial map and some sort of chloroform-like substance. Neat! (50 exp)
- Further exploration turns up some people with weirdly exaggerated features and, holy of holies, a library! Many books are found and, subsequently, nicked. (50 exp)

- Reading ensues. Galaxy Johnson goes back to the queen and enters her den... she offers to make him her broodmate... (50 exp)

- POWERLAD touches down in the mountain pass outside Pembrooktonshire. Unlike eerily silent Muntberg, Pembrooktonshire is a burnt-out wreck. POWERLAD turns away from the view and and heads to Oshregaal's place to see what's going on with him. (50 exp)
- He talks to one of the butlers at the door but is warned on the down-low that Oshregaal's feeling lonely at the moment and probably wouldn't let POWERLAD leave if he goes in to talk to him. (50 exp)
- Oh well. POWERLAD heads down into the wreckage of Pembrooktonshire and finds a fairly sturdy house to stay in overnight. (50 exp)
- The next morning he leaps up and away again towards Moondin. He has a great view over Loegria from up there. (50 exp)

- Shimmering stasis beams over Gush. The mobile city of Fate obscured by steam, a giant tentacle rising from where it once stood. Campfires on the fields around Mt Death Frost. And soon enough, the orange magma glow of Moondin. (50 exp)
- He lands outside the walls of Moondin and calls out. The first person to reply is another POWERLAD with great black dragon wings! (50 exp)
- He approaches with a winged Andromeda. POWERLAD speaks with POWERLAD, and the death of the anomalous Andromeda is revealed, to the dismay of the POWERLAD. (50 exp)
- They try to get our POWERLAD to join Ereshkigal's dragon cult, who will kill Shub-Niggurath before flying off into space with all his followers on his back. (50 exp)
-  This is too much for our POWERLAD. He stands with the living! This world will be saved! The draconic POWERLAD doesn't see the Magic Missile punch coming. (50 exp)
- The Andromeda watches this with horror and awe. She's not upset at the POWERLAD's death... she seems more relieved. She says that not all Andromedas are meant to be with POWERLADs. Bertha and POWERLAD prove that. (50 exp)
- With that, POWERLAD enters the city. He heads straight for the head of Ninhursag and the dragon priests. Ninhursag has pulled more of its massive body from the magma pool. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD lays down in worship of the great dragon. It is pleased with his devotion. POWERLAD's skin ripples as scales grow just under his skin, their green tint mixing with his natural faint electric blue. (50 exp)
- The Scales of Ninhursag grant him +1 AC, +2 to saves, and improved overnight healing rates. Hail Ninhursag! (50 exp)
- The poison has abated a little, but it still flows through his veins. POWERLAD goes to the Plant Priestess Sylvia Flora and tells her he's contributing demon spider blood to the great cause of poisoning Shub-Niggurath. (50 exp)
- She grabs out a bowl and POWERLAD drains some of his blood into it. It hisses as it hits the bowl, proof of its intense efficacy, and Sylvia is suitably impressed. (50 exp)

- Job done, POWERLAD wraps the wound on his wrist and goes off to find Bertha. They've been apart too long! He takes his leave of the dragon priests and heads into the town proper to find his true love. (50 exp)
Total: 2500 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Bookworm bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Doolittle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Freudian bonus (50 exp)
- Heresy bonus (50 exp)
- Long Deliberation bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Mountaineer bonus (50 exp)
- Operator as Fuck bonus (50 exp)
- PETA bonus (50 exp)
- Poison is... not OP!!?!?!? bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- Vore bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1150 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Caller (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Synthia - 100 exp)
- Guard (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Ollie - 200 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Fraser, Tim - 500 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:
- Honey Healing. Safe. 1095sp. (Bertha)
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 505sp. (Sir Robyn)


Death Toll and Injuries:
- Not even one!

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 79389 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 4 (-20% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 30038 (Level up at 48000)-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2 (-10% exp)  
- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 4 Magic-User: 15389 (Level up at 18000)
--- Randy, Level 4 Hench-Dwarf: 8243 (Level up at 17600)
*DING!* +1d10 HP! +saves! +lorebond! +backstory!
--- Gav, Level 0 Inclusion- Fraser / Mori, Level 4 Elf (Worriganger): 15257 (Level up at 24000)
- Ollie / Synthia, Level 4 Inheritor: 15027 (Level up at 18000)

Absent or Retired:
- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 20944 (Level up at 24000) 
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

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