I'm telling you, these things always show up when Tom turns up for the first time in a while!
And on top of that, another rare encounter! This one with Gifflewim, back once again!
How very exciting!
Session 257 - Chasing the Crystal Dragon
Date:
February. 15 years after the End.
New Characters:
- Rivière, a death cultist Necromancer who immediately swore himself to Drake Blackthorn’s service. Survival through death!
New Backstory:
- Nobody hubristically challenged a god-like being and was punished terribly for it. At-will, force a creature to prioritise you.
- Drake Blackthorn was terribly overweight for a time due to a very calorific concoction he made in his lab. +1 AC for ten minutes after downing alcohol.
- Jeremy Wizard has a crush on Red after having her take him under her wing. It’s a seeeecret crush though, especially since Red has the emotional intelligence of a wooden spoon. If your crush would be damaged in combat, you can jump in the way and take double the damage instead.
- Nobody hubristically challenged a god-like being and was punished terribly for it. At-will, force a creature to prioritise you.
- Drake Blackthorn was terribly overweight for a time due to a very calorific concoction he made in his lab. +1 AC for ten minutes after downing alcohol.
- Jeremy Wizard has a crush on Red after having her take him under her wing. It’s a seeeecret crush though, especially since Red has the emotional intelligence of a wooden spoon. If your crush would be damaged in combat, you can jump in the way and take double the damage instead.
Events:
--- The Road Ahead
- It’s time to leave Enoch and head across the snowy wastes to New Moondin - taking the party’s vast supplies of iron rations to people who’ll actually appreciate them. It’s at least a couple of days travel though, and gods know what happened to their off-road wagons after Dargo ascended.
- Thankfully they’ve got a fair bit of social capital after giving their dinosaur meat to the people of Enoch, so they get them to bodge together a wagon! Between that and the recently reclaimed Skele-bike from the local mass graves, they’re in business!
- The plan is to take a wagon-load of iron rations to New Moondin, cash them in for wagon money, then schlep it back to Enoch for the rest. Pearl promises to keep the rations safe - the people of Enoch are tired of iron rations anyway.
--- Crystal Disaster
- They make good time on the actual real roads! Turns out wagons are meant to travel on roads, not jounce through thick jungle! Who knew! It’s still winter so the days are short, but thankfully Andromeda is happy to take a shift as the vampire night-driver.
- They reach a crossroads and turn south towards Kink, following an old map from before the Apocalypse. All goes well until Andromeda hears a shattering crunching sound as if they’re rolling over broken glass! She looks down and sees icy crystalline structures growing around the wheels, slowing them down!
- She yells to the others for help and they emerge from the cabin, trying to get the ice off with heat runes and chipping away at the axle, but it’s to no avail. The ice is actually crystal! Andromeda has a horrifying realisation just as Jeremy Wizard points overhead! It’s a crystal dragon, drifting in from above, heralded by sweet crystal chimes!
- They make good time on the actual real roads! Turns out wagons are meant to travel on roads, not jounce through thick jungle! Who knew! It’s still winter so the days are short, but thankfully Andromeda is happy to take a shift as the vampire night-driver.
- They reach a crossroads and turn south towards Kink, following an old map from before the Apocalypse. All goes well until Andromeda hears a shattering crunching sound as if they’re rolling over broken glass! She looks down and sees icy crystalline structures growing around the wheels, slowing them down!
- She yells to the others for help and they emerge from the cabin, trying to get the ice off with heat runes and chipping away at the axle, but it’s to no avail. The ice is actually crystal! Andromeda has a horrifying realisation just as Jeremy Wizard points overhead! It’s a crystal dragon, drifting in from above, heralded by sweet crystal chimes!
- Andromeda decouples the skele-bike and does some burnouts to stop it locking up, Jeremy dives into the wagon, and the dragon crackles past overhead.
- There is a moment as it seems to have just flown past… then the barrage of crystal shards hits! The jagged razor-edged crystals pepper the wagon, scything through the roof and tearing through the people within! Drake Blackthorn loses some fingers and Rivière takes massive tearing damage that shatters his collarbone. Worse - the breath has left behind swarms of whirring sharp minions that seek to finish the job!
- Andromeda screeches round in the direction of the dragon, guns the bike, then blasts out of her armour in bat form! She zooms up as fast as her wings can carry her, shifts back into naked vampire form, and bites its crystal hide! It initially throws her off, but she recovers and sends it rolling off into the near distance!
- Drake patches up his bleeding and makes a dash for the skele-bike with Nobody, while Jeremy Wizard tries to clear out the sharp minions with a grenade throw! The grenade bounces off the inside of the window frame and Jeremy looks at it with horror as it explodes! Jeremy and Rivière are blasted out of the wagon! Jeremy straight up at an angle, Rivière out the window.
- Rivière falls through the air, sharp minions swirling and twirling to catch him as he flies. With the last of his strength he casts Dig Grave - but the spell goes awry and a Chaos Burst is released. The grave appears beneath him…
- Rivière’s heart explodes in his chest and he thumps into the grave like a sack of meat.
- BUT! The Chaos Burst was merely one of temporary death! He will arise in 24 hours in this place in the same condition he was in when he died! The true power of the death cultist, life-in-death!
- The dragon turns in a lazy circle, Andromeda still clinging to its back, and swoops in for another pass. Nobody picks the bike back up and hops on the back so that Drake can drive.
- Drake is sliced by the sharp whirring swarms and briefly passes out, but Andromeda shoots a ranged lightning-heal from above! To her dismay it passes through the dragon without harming it, but at least Drake is back up and on the bike! The display of Clerical magic triggers something in Nobody and he zaps a second lightning-heal towards the still-airborne Jeremy Wizard, destroying some shard-swarms on the way!
- Drake revs the necro-bike and Nobody is suddenly smacked from behind by a huge lump of flesh. It wraps around him and, horrified, he sees its face - it’s Jeremy Wizard! He turned into flesh-goop form to survive the fall, and to fit on the bike!
- Perturbed but somehow ok with this, Nobody turns in his seat and takes out the Mag-Cannon. He fires it up at the dragon, hoping to scare it off, and suddenly realises that he is the one who’s scared! The dragon swooping down on him is scary as fuck! He’s gonna die!
- Thankfully Drake is fucking fast, and Andromeda is slowing down the incoming dragon. Drake guns the necro-bike and they’re away! Nobody sprays the wagon, and the remaining swarms of crystal minions, with his uzi as they escape.
- Drake is sliced by the sharp whirring swarms and briefly passes out, but Andromeda shoots a ranged lightning-heal from above! To her dismay it passes through the dragon without harming it, but at least Drake is back up and on the bike! The display of Clerical magic triggers something in Nobody and he zaps a second lightning-heal towards the still-airborne Jeremy Wizard, destroying some shard-swarms on the way!
- Drake revs the necro-bike and Nobody is suddenly smacked from behind by a huge lump of flesh. It wraps around him and, horrified, he sees its face - it’s Jeremy Wizard! He turned into flesh-goop form to survive the fall, and to fit on the bike!
- Perturbed but somehow ok with this, Nobody turns in his seat and takes out the Mag-Cannon. He fires it up at the dragon, hoping to scare it off, and suddenly realises that he is the one who’s scared! The dragon swooping down on him is scary as fuck! He’s gonna die!
- Thankfully Drake is fucking fast, and Andromeda is slowing down the incoming dragon. Drake guns the necro-bike and they’re away! Nobody sprays the wagon, and the remaining swarms of crystal minions, with his uzi as they escape.
- Andromeda sees they’ve got away and turns into gas form. The confused dragon circles a few times then flies off, leaving Andromeda to drift down after the rest of the party. An excellent escape!
--- Return to Kink
- After several hours the skelebike rolls up into Kink with no additional problems, except for the time when Jeremy Wizard’s body popped back into shape. Andromeda turns up soon after, having travelled by wolf form.
- They break into the basement that the lust demon used to live in and those who need to sleep do so. Andromeda pokes around the town, finding a stonemason’s with some statues in it. She heads back to the wagon by bike and picks it up along with her somewhat rain-eaten armour. Thankfully the dragon is gone, along with its crystal environmental effects.
--- So Close to Home
- In the morning there’s a bit of a delay as Drake fixes up everyone’s stuff, repairing armour and fixing the wagon. It really took a beating! He also slaps together some shields from various detritus in the dead village, and constructs replacement fingers for those he lost to the dragon’s crystal breath.
- They ride back to New Moondin, wary for dragons again. They pass by a grouping of angels with not much fuss, Nobody staying in front of the Chaotic people to foil alignment scans, and take the winding turn up through the hills to New Moondin.
- They pass through the edge of the Storm Shell for the first time in months! The air inside is cleaner, the acid rain less acidic. It doesn’t feel quite as good as it used to though - the rain’s just a little bit more itchy than it used to be.
--- Gifflewim
- After several hours the skelebike rolls up into Kink with no additional problems, except for the time when Jeremy Wizard’s body popped back into shape. Andromeda turns up soon after, having travelled by wolf form.
- They break into the basement that the lust demon used to live in and those who need to sleep do so. Andromeda pokes around the town, finding a stonemason’s with some statues in it. She heads back to the wagon by bike and picks it up along with her somewhat rain-eaten armour. Thankfully the dragon is gone, along with its crystal environmental effects.
--- So Close to Home
- In the morning there’s a bit of a delay as Drake fixes up everyone’s stuff, repairing armour and fixing the wagon. It really took a beating! He also slaps together some shields from various detritus in the dead village, and constructs replacement fingers for those he lost to the dragon’s crystal breath.
- They ride back to New Moondin, wary for dragons again. They pass by a grouping of angels with not much fuss, Nobody staying in front of the Chaotic people to foil alignment scans, and take the winding turn up through the hills to New Moondin.
- They pass through the edge of the Storm Shell for the first time in months! The air inside is cleaner, the acid rain less acidic. It doesn’t feel quite as good as it used to though - the rain’s just a little bit more itchy than it used to be.
--- Gifflewim
- As they cross the familiar bridge across the deep gorge to New Moondin, they hear some haunting bassoon music drifting through the rain. It’s Gifflewim! Everyone’s favourite arguably-legit semi-trustworthy merchant friend!
- He gives them the latest - Styx is in control of New Moondin, the Brotherhood have fled and are lying low in Prepperton, and the Necromancers have teamed up with Singular Thay somewhere in the Fallow. It’s a real pickle.
- Trading ensues. He gives Jeremy the Snels Virus in exchange for his soul. To get his soul back Gifflewim will take a dragon heart. Nobody asks for a shortcut to Prepperton in exchange for a secret. That secret - he’s been Damnation Snels all along! Except slightly younger! And probably from the Matrix we don’t know!
- Andromeda trades the jar of her own vampire grave dirt to Gifflewim. He gives everyone cool black cloaks and a couple of glowing gems - one takes them to Prepperton, the other takes them to the Underhive beneath New Moondin. The black cloaks will protect them during the teleport, it’s dangerous otherwise.
- They do this now, triggering the Prepperton stone and vanishing in a puff of darkness!
- They emerge from a bonfire in the middle of Prepperton, shocking the gathered populace! They step out of the flames and Snels’ hood falls down, revealing his face! A number of people fall to their knees - Damnation Snels! Returned from the dead as was prophesied!
- Trading ensues. He gives Jeremy the Snels Virus in exchange for his soul. To get his soul back Gifflewim will take a dragon heart. Nobody asks for a shortcut to Prepperton in exchange for a secret. That secret - he’s been Damnation Snels all along! Except slightly younger! And probably from the Matrix we don’t know!
- Andromeda trades the jar of her own vampire grave dirt to Gifflewim. He gives everyone cool black cloaks and a couple of glowing gems - one takes them to Prepperton, the other takes them to the Underhive beneath New Moondin. The black cloaks will protect them during the teleport, it’s dangerous otherwise.
- They do this now, triggering the Prepperton stone and vanishing in a puff of darkness!
- They emerge from a bonfire in the middle of Prepperton, shocking the gathered populace! They step out of the flames and Snels’ hood falls down, revealing his face! A number of people fall to their knees - Damnation Snels! Returned from the dead as was prophesied!
Total: 5000 exp
Team Bonus:
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Better Part of Valour bonus
- Classic Charles bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Dramatic Chase bonus
- Dramatic Escape bonus
- Fame bonus
- Hard Bargain bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Mad Inventor bonus
- Michael Bay bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Better Part of Valour bonus
- Classic Charles bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Dramatic Chase bonus
- Dramatic Escape bonus
- Fame bonus
- Hard Bargain bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Mad Inventor bonus
- Michael Bay bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus
Total: 850 exp
Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (George / Damnation Snels - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Tom / Rivière - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Tom / Rivière - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (George / Damnation Snels - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Tom / Rivière - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Tom / Rivière - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (Russell / Drake Blackthorn - 100 exp)
- Chef (George / Damnation Snels - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Tom, Charles - 500 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Attacco d’Arte bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Near Death Experience bonus (Rivière, Drake - 100 exp ea.)
Serious Injuries:
- Drake Blackthorn lost some fingers.
- Rivière has a broken collarbone. Recovery time: 1d6+6 weeks.
- Chef (George / Damnation Snels - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Tom, Charles - 500 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Attacco d’Arte bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Near Death Experience bonus (Rivière, Drake - 100 exp ea.)
Serious Injuries:
- Drake Blackthorn lost some fingers.
- Rivière has a broken collarbone. Recovery time: 1d6+6 weeks.
Exp Totals:
- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 7 Andromedan Vampire: 139554 (Level up at 144000)
- George / Damnation Snels, Level 6 Born Again Barbarian: 34392 (Level up at 64000)
- Charles / Jeremy Wizard, Level 5 Magic-User: 24810 (Level up at 36000)
- Russell / Drake Blackthorn, Level 3 Specialist: 4510 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Rivière, Level 1 Necromancer: 1470 (Level up at 2250)
"...especially since Red has the emotional intelligence of a wooden spoon."
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite character descriptions I have ever read!
Also, why do we always do the cool dragon fighting when I'm not around? It's a conspiracy I tells ya!
A common lament during the session! "Why the fuck does this happen when Red's not around?!"
Delete