Session 395 - Sustainably Sourced GMO Wheat Goblins

 Date: 21st January 1625

Moon Phase: Third Quarter

Moon Face: Dragon-Faced Moon

Zenith Deity: The Scorned

Business Updates:

- Zeppelino's Genuine Milk has franchised! There's now an outlet in Drudgespar!

- Nines' Doomsday Loans business has collapsed due to an aggressive buyout from Julgoor! Return to claim half the stake.

- Nines' Goblin Munitions has hit an early rocky patch but remains steady. Risk is increased (possibly due to the dangerous nature of the bombs).

Events:

--- Meat-Faced Goblin Rumours

- Between sessions, Bulgur has managed to bully the party's way into a Goblin's house for the evening. He promises that they'll cook food and tell stories of the world outside Drudgespar!

- The Goblin himself has a big scar down his face that has been fixed with meat, giving him quite a hideous look. The result of an industrial accident with an Oozeblock Machine and a emergency Meat Mage magic. He's nice enough though!

- During the evening meal he tells them rumours he's heard:

> Marduk the great blue dragon roams the Wastes with a goblin city on his back, every week he warps to a random pylon and drains its energy!
> Anyone up for a classic rats in the basement quest? My shop in Visco City was overrun by the fucking things. Outsized reward to anyone who can wipe out a bunch of rats, I'm talking permanent food and board, 6000 obols on completion, and maybe an extra questline to follow! They're big mind, big and meaty, and they kept copying my voice!
> There's a place Drowntown that never had a final party, yet people keep seeing people heading in there? Might be a drug den?
> Dissident wheat-loving Goblin Buddies have seized an old growhouse Drowntown and are growing wheat-based goblins!!!

--- Dark Descent

- Drowntown? Visco City? These must be deeper parts of Drudgespar!

- Bulgur is instantly seized by the need to check out these alleged Wheat Goblins, so the party decides to go down... down into Drowntown.
- On the way they see some other shops, including a hat shop and a potion seller! They also find a warehouse that will stable horses and wagons for a fee, which they duly accept.

- They also discover that there's basically a Julgoor shop at every corner in the Buildup. The greed demon is doing well! The shopkeeper-Julgoor is usually a Goblin, but in the darkness behind is an ominous writhing...
- They find a way down (they're not signposted, but easily found) to Drowntown and descend. As the gunge rises it takes over the buildings, forcing the Goblins to build upwards and forming the relatively gunge-free Buildup - the main city.
- Drowntown is on the edge of this transformation - slippery gunge puddles on the floor, and light from above is blocked out by the rising city. It's a place of parties as people give a final farewell to their old homes, and a place of industry as the ever-pumping Oozeblock Machines transform the rising ooze into the purple-veined black bricks that build the walls of this place.

- While they're searching for the Wheat Goblin location, they witness a minor disaster! Gunge breaches through a retaining wall and drowns a street in thigh-height gunk. Unsuspecting goblins are caught in the flow and drown in the tar. It's a fact of life down here, and since the Bud-Goblins are easily replaceable it's no big tragedy.

--- At the Sign of the Wheatsheaf

- After navigating switchbacks, collapsed streets, and asking for directions more times than strictly necessary, they find their way to a collapsing warehouse. There are sheafs of wheat - real wheat! - flanking the main doors, although a couple of other entrances have fallen in as the warehouse succumbed to the rising black goop.

- Bulgur marches straight through the front door and declares himself their King! In front of him is a barricade of wheat bushels and armed goblins!
- The inside of the warehouse is a mess - channels have been dug through the rising goop, but it's clear that this won't last.
- The goblins seem confused... they already have a king!
- Meanwhile Nines is making his way onto the roof. All the struts and scaffolding that support the Buildup above make it easy, but noisy.

- A goblin approaches but mocks at the idea of a "meatoid" being a King of Goblins. Bulgur grabs him by the neck and flings him over the barricade!

--- Nines Prepares to Assassinate Another Local Community Leader

- Above, Nines has found a massive collapse in the roof. He's looking down at a proper field of wheat, supplied by real water. Pale yellow wheat-coloured Goblins, wheat literally growing up their spines, are tending to the crops. The wheat grows thicker with their tread. It looks like it's really working! He even sees a giant "Wheatsel", a sort of wheat-topiary in the shape of a huge weasel, being led through the fields.
- He screws together his flintlock sniper rifle - it's a perfect sniper perch. Below, he sees Bulgur rush in and demand to see the enemy king! He also sees the Wheatsel released from its chains. It bounds towards Bulgur!

- Nines sights down the gun. He could fire... but he could also save the element of surprise for the Wheat King when he arrives...
- It's no real issue. Bulgur absolutely destroys the Wheatsel with a single blow from the Pumpkinhead Axe!
- The Wheat-Goblins fall to their knees. This was foretold! The Reaper King is here!

--- The Lair of the Wheat King

- The King is not forthcoming, so Bulgur decides to do it himself.
- He strides forth, a cowed wheat goblin before him, the rest of the party at his back.
- Nines crawls through vents, classic style.
- The main group follow until they make it to the throne room! Nines peeks out from a vent above.
- On a throne of wheat, a Great Wheat Goblin sits interwoven. In the corner of the room, behind a curtain of hanging wheat, there is a glimmer of gold.
- Bulgur declares himself the King of Wheat! There is a standoff. This goblin considers himself to be the Grower King, the equal-and-opposite to the Reaper King represented by Bulgur. The Grower King will grow his power here, then soon go off to take over the Wheatlands as the true king!
- The Idea of Wheat does not imply the use of wheat - it merely wishes to be grown! Reaping the wheat is surplus to requirements!
- Bulgur declares a trial by combat! The Grower King asks him who his champion shall be. Kings do not fight, you see.

--- Champions of the Wheat Throne

- The Grower King sends forth his wheat golem! A goblin grown monstrous through his access to the power of wheat! The Reaper King sends forth... 4 goblins in a trenchcoat, courtesy of Zeppelino. Each holding a bomb sourced from Goblin Munitions, courtesy of Nines.
- It's not a fair fight. The suicide bombers win instantly at the cost of their own lives.
- Debate resumes. It was an equal victory, so surely equality between the Kings?
- The Grower King proposes an alliance, sealed with a marriage! He'll marry one of his wheat goblin children to the Reaper King's child!

- Bulgur has no kids, but he raise cows back in the day. It transpires that a cow-child is completely valid! The goblins don't draw much of a difference between meatoids, you see.

- It's agreed with no additional violence. Phew!
- They decide to check out this "rats in the basement" rumour, heading down below Drowntown and into Visco City beneath. They seek Glorpon's Weapon Hole. They ask about the deeper city and are told the directions to the main way in.

-- Deep House

- Visco City is, to its inhabitants, the "real Drudgespar". Lesser people build up and away from the sludge. The brave people of Visco City don't abandon their homes, they reinforce them! The gunge rises, yet they remain. Alas, it's liable to collapse at any time due to the evil Dwarves who are undermining everything the goblins have built.

- They reach the main (or possibly the only, due to sludge breaches) entrance to Visco City. Oozeblock stairs go down to enclosed rooms. It's dungeon vibes down here. The walls are shored up against the rising tide of gunge and weave through old streets and older homes.

- The first thing they notice is a rhythmic unce-unce-unce. Oh yea baby, it's like the Zion rave down here. A goblin in a deep pool of black goo, dripping and reforming bodyparts, tells the confused meatoids that the shops are that way, Da Clurb is that way, and over that way is a machine that leads deeper. Zeppelino touches the slime. He can't quite get it off!
- Of course the only real option is the rave. Bulgur barges through without checking his weapons (bad vibes) while everyone else divests of their murder stuff at the cloakroom.
- It's a fucken RAVE baby! Goblins are noshing their chops off hyped up on Unmandy! Smoke and lights and a beat you can feel in your chest! 

--- Dff *tiss* dff *tiss* dff *tiss* dff *tiss* 

- Bulgur is spotted a mile off by a dude who's just there to sell Unmandy. Our resident Barbarian is very obviously not a cop and paints his gums with powder (the first one is free, of course). His inner eye opens and... oh shit, everyone here is a person with a life as beautiful and rich as his own. The music sings in his veins and then...
- The drop hits.
- It's like being gut-punched by the sun.
- Meanwhile Manrat has found the chillout room. A goblin says calming meditative stuff to people who are either relaxed or asleep. Lots of skin contact in here. There's also lootable stuff - a small keg of sour beer, a bag of rock salt, a bag of unrefined copper ore. These are quietly removed. There's also a goblin corpse (he ain't breathing) which Nines absorbs and turns into an additional minion.
- Meanwhile Nines is scurrying after a "murder dealer" that he heard offering services. He follows said dealer down a corridor, finding a sort of Korean fusion place run by goblins.
- There's also a bar and... a Dwarf?! I thought they hated Dwarves here?!?

- Turns out this Dwarf is "one of the good ones" and is well-liked by the regulars! He gives Zeppelino some alcohol to try and wash the gunk off his palms. It's not really working. It's like the gunk is trying to avoid being cleaned...

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures:

- Small keg of sour beer (200 exp)
- Bag of Rock Salt (200 exp)
- Bag of Unrefined Copper Ore (200 exp)
Total: 600 exp

Foes Defeated:

- The Wheatsel, splatted. (50 exp)
- The Wheat King, mollified. (750 exp)

Total: 800 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster & Quartermaster (300 exp/level)
- Kitty the Expedition Leader & Vanguard (200 exp/level)
- George the Cartogrpaher & Chef (200 exp/level)

Exp Total:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 34035 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 28435 (Level up at 32000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 21001 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 21168 (Level up at 28000)

Session 394 - Burg-to-Burg Scorpion-as-a-Service Investment Opportunity

 Date: 13 January 1625

Moon Phase: Full Moon
Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Minerva

Returning Characters:

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Hasn't seen wheat in months.
- Brie van der Hells, Necromancer. Strange minions.

- Manrat Snels, Ratman. Surprisingly shrewed.

- Nines, Inheritor. Trying his best to map the place.

- Nostradama, Nonanist Cleric. Slightly scammable.

- Zeppelino, Goblin. Extremely scammable.

New Backstory:

- Zeppelino helped run a theatrical troupe out of town when they passed through Drudgespar, out into the deadly then-poisonous Wastes. The crime? Wearing greenface. The troupe may have ended up being part of Manrat's backstory... Once per session, force a morale check to fail.

Events:

--- Wheat Proselytisers

- It's morning in the Goblin city of Drudgespar, the capital of the Drudge Wastes. Built on the inside of a huge ever-sinking and ever-growing inverted cone, most of the city has accreted down the very bottom. From their vantage in a house high up on the sides, looking down at the main city looks like peering at buildings collected at the bottom of a bucket. Floating above, connected by a web of rigging, float the balloons and blimps of the upper classes.
- Still, there's not much going on high up in the Skirts at the rim of the city. They want to see the sights and meet the people down below!
- They head down, and it's only a couple of storeys before they see something interesting. Goblins in straw hats distributing leaflets and talking about the "Idea of Wheat!"

- Bulgur rushes over! Wheat! Good clean wheat! He takes a wheat sample and looks it over - it's perfectly ordinary but old. He looks at the pamphlet. It says "Join us and help us to grow wheat!"

- The goblin, upon hearing the Bulgur knows about wheat, is overjoyed! He takes him to the "Grainhall" - a dingy little house with a thin layer of soil, very little light, and a small printing press. It becomes apparent that "help us grow wheat" was a cry for help - they really want to grow wheat but they don't know how!
- They teach Nines to power runes (finally!) and he plays around with them. It becomes apparent that the Earth and Mass runes simply don't work any more, and that rune-created materials (like water) fade back into component rune-elements after a while. At least they can demonstrate with rune-water! Between that, Nines' soil-generation mutation, and some insights into sunlight, they're good to go!

- Nostradama preaches the good word of Minerva to these Goblins. The Idea of Wheat is inherently hierarchical, these goblins currently live under the lords in the rigging. Nostradama persuades them to obey a higher calling - the Gods themselves! They are totally persuaded! Manrat, proclaiming himself a Knight of Mars, pledges his sword and his protection of the new wheat farmers.

--- Lore Dump

- Sufficiently converted and persuaded by the party, the Goblins are friendly and count them as allies!

- They hear some rumours:

-- Down in the Buildup, the Magic Emporium has been advertising cool new constructs!
-- In Bucketsides there's a copse of Brackling saplings that's eating people!
-- Out on the south coast, near Grasp, some Dwarves a digging around the pylon there. Manrat surmises that the party's been there already.
-- Meat Mages down in the Buildup are busy animating a giant scorpion! If they succeed it will destroy the city!
-- Skimmers are iron-skid vehicles designed to slide right over the ferrofluid flats. As luck would have it, they've got one for sale for 10 000 obols!
-- Every Pyramid has a dungeon 12 layers deep beneath it. Get to the bottom and you can reach the control room that converts the Earth into a cosmic battleship!

- Asked about the broken Pyramid outside the city, the Goblins declare that it was destroyed by the Dwarves a thousand or more years ago. Even now the Dwarves try to sabotage Drudgespar from below.

- The levels of the city the Goblins know about are, in descending order, the Rigging, the Skirts, Bucketsides, and finally the main city layer is called the Buildup.
- Manrat hires a Goblin squire, since he is a Knight of Mars and all.

--- Down Down to Goblin-Town

- Nines has been told in no uncertain terms that they'll all need a passport - a green armband - to stay in this city without a Goblin escort. It's fine for now since Zeppelino seems to have them under control, but who can say whether he'll vanish off to Peru or something?
- As such they head down the various lifts, stairways, and interlocking pathways. There's no central design, but Manrat's guide can sort of muddle along.
- On the way down through Bucketsides they see groves of hibernating Bracklings and the occasional well-guarded giant peapod in well-tended gardens. The sides get the sunlight, so they grow all their people here.
- They reach the Buildup and it's a proper classic multiracial and cosmopolitan fantasy city! Goblins mill about, towered over by the occasional human or towering winter brackling. Cottony flying Brack-pixies flit about overhead. The houses and shops are ramshackle, always building on top of deeper levels as the city fights to build its way away from the stinking gunge of the wastes.

--- Mutations, Anyone?

- They pass a human with a fleshy machine who is crying out for volunteers. Mutations! Mutations! Who wants a mutation? He'll even pay you to help him! The human himself has a ring of seven noses growing around his head.

- Nines takes him up on it, gets a mushroom-head mutation, and immediately adds it to his Inheritor powers. Good edge case!

- They ask directions and head towards the passport office. It's down a long long tunnel towards the outside, but after a while they reach it! Turns out that Zeppelino's presence means they just give out the armbands, no questions asked. Neat! They're warned that a huge giant appeared last night, according to the guards, and then vanished in a puff of steam! Now what could that mean?

--- Wait, He's a Pervert!

- They go back towards the mutation man and... huh?? He's gone!
- Nines and Brie investigate strange sounds down an alley and find the mutation man is a horrible pervert! The mutations were just a way for him to derive disgusting pleasure!

- They murder him, Brie takes his last breath, Nines digests him and turns him (via convoluted mutational means) into a doppleganger minion who goes off to return to society.

--- Shopping Trip

- Zeppelino, meanwhile, is at the market. He finds sourdough, tins of beans, jars of pickled onions, and "ferro-truffles", a sort of shiny fungus found at the edge of ferrofluid rivers. He'll take the lot!

- Manrat is asking locals what the reward for killing the Meat Mages with the scorpion is. There isn't one! They're normal citizens, refugees who fled the Meatlands as it was subsumed by the Wheatlands!
- The party meets back up and decide to investigate the scorpion anyway. Giant scorpions are way cool.

--- Series B Scorpion Funding Round

- They reach the scorpion and it is very much a GIANT scorpion. We're talking the size of a small house here! The city has built around it to an extent, such that the great sting it sticking out of a set-back upper storey and the face (plus artistic extra jaws) is poking out into the street.
- Manrat sends a rat to scout. It's nice for rats in there!
- Nines and Bulgur approach the door and OH NO! A TRAP! Jaws slam shut around them, holes making it so they're being held by the fake jaws!
- A hulking but very pink man with an extra arm on his left side emerges from the door. Evidently a Meat Mage. He's... very apologetic! Those jaws were designed for goblin-sized investors! He apologises for hurting Bulgur, and invites everyone inside... for an investment presentation!
- Yes this is indeed the perfect time to invest in GRAKTIL! THE CITADEL THAT WALKS!!

- He tells them the business plan. They found this giant exoskeleton in the wastes, hollowed out by poison. They will animate the scorpion with specialised meat machinery and extort tribute from towns all over the wastes!
- The USP? They've got some elementals of elements quite high up the periodic table on board (and literally on board, in the stinger) and they'll be able to use their power to project some god damn Lanthanides at anyone who tries to get in their way!

- Zeppelino is absolutely sold and invests 1000 obols in the venture. He gets a tour. Goblin-free workforce (to build trust with the community, of course) and some access to some high-secrecy knowledge of what they're feeding the leg mechanisms etc.
He comes back and Nostradama eventually goes in too with 200 obols to get her foot in the door, access to Class A stocks, etc etc.

--- Let's Get Cooking!

- They leave, mollified by the business opportunity and promise of business-to-business Scorpion-as-a-Service sales.

- Nines is inspired by the sheer BUSINESS ACUMEN and heads to the nearest Julgoor Store (feels like there's one on every corner) to start a new business venture. Goblin Munitions. Using the grey clay ceramic he's got on hand, he's going to corner the market on extremely volatile and very dangerous bombs.

- Meanwhile we finish up with a cooking minigame. I don't know if we established exactly where but we'll deal with that next session.
- Nostradama is the chef and she cooks the surprisingly delicious and very filling "Good Hearty Meal". Containing Sourdough, Milk, a Manrat-supplied Rat, Pickled Onion and a dash of Melancholy Berry... it's very good! So good in fact that it gives everyone an Encumbrance bonus the next day!

Total: 9000 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer, and Quartermaster (300 exp/level) 

- Ollie the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level) 

- Charles the Paymaster (100 exp/level) 

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level) 

- Zoë the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Total:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 29935 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 25835 (Level up at 32000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 17901 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 18068 (Level up at 28000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 4 Necromancer: 17468 (Level up at 18000)

- Zoe / Nostradama, Level 4 Cleric of Nonanism: 9343 (Level up at 18000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Faith! +1d6 Healing! +Backstory!

Session 393 - Welcome to Drudgespar!

 Date: 7 January 1625

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Oberon

Returning Characters:

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Barbarian, former cowherd.

- Brie van der Hells, Necromancer, different minions than expected.

- Manrat Snels, Ratman, possible missing link.
- Nines, Inheritor, shapeshifting cart-tracker.
- Nostradama, Nonanist Cleric still trying to get to grips with her powers.
- Zeppelino, Goblin, returning home.

New Backstory:

- Manrat Snels father was a strange psalm-spewing statue in the Wastes, via a post-apocalyptic cult that worshipped him in strange and secretive ways. Adam Snels himself, said statue, was a depressed alcoholic as a result. +2 Con.

- Zeppelino had a clutch of Bud-Goblins who were creepily obsessed with him, so he fled! His flying machine led to his crashing in the Wastes, where he met the party. If an enemy has an equal chance of who to attack, they won't target you.

Events:

--- It's Time for Business!

- The party re-emerge from the milky Christmas Special portal and find themselves back in the Red Elf bubble-town built around the reality-mining Marlingspike.
- The first order of business is... set up some businesses! New business rules go!
- Nines forms "Doomsday Loans" - a Wild risk business - with 2500 obols.
- Zeppelino forms "Zeppelino's Genuine Milke (Non Fraudulent)" - a Wild risk business - with 500 obols.

- We also establish that Brie van der Hells owns a rental property in Bunkertown - a Safe risk business - worth 1700 obols. Alas, it seems this month the value has gone down, possibly due to various shenanigans in Bunkertown.

--- Just What Is a Marlingspike?

- They ask around (cheerfully failing to comment on the giant sized Tiny Tim that Brie brought back from Muppet Christmas) about whether other Marlingspikes have towns around them. The answer is yes... occasionally. Others are visited by travelling Red Elves. All discharge once a month though.

- Manrat, the only Red Elf Religion (Quislism) convert of the group, gets some quests from the Red Elf he's badgering. Either bring the brain of a Deep One frog monster, or 43 human sacrifices so that they can be thrown into a pit in the north during a ritual.

--- Where Next?

- The party decides where to go next. Two big cities hold their interest, as does the promise of exploring the mysterious Underways below the wastes.
- They hold a vote, and Bulgur tie-breaks. To Drudgespar!

- Everyone's got some sort of mount, whether living beast or bone-construct, except for poor Nostradama who is poor and on foot. They buy her a mount! Such solidarity!

--- Into the Snow

- With that they head of into the snow. Winter days are short and the exploration mechanics aren't so good when it's a bunch of mounted people on separate steeds, so there is some swift recalibration.
- It's hard to get lost anyway, since they're following the edge of the ferrofluid marshes. On the map they are rivers, but up close it's more of a Swamps of Sadness or Dead Marshes vibe.

- Over the course of hours they ride together and have idle chatter. Nines and Nostradama have developed a friendly rivalry. Manrat and Brie have had some sort of unfriendly spat and are now emotionally entangled.

- In the middle-distance they see the spire of a church! Also on the way but somewhat in another direction, sucking grey clay flats.

--- It's Like the Mould All Over Again (it's not, I swear)

- Nines goes off alone, accompanied only by a couple of Zeppelino's goblins, to get some of the wet grey clay. Everyone else thinks the church sounds better. Manrat hopes it's Denialists, his father was a Denialist you see.
- Nines finds that the clay is wet and malleable, somewhat acidic, and absorbs moisture like nobody's business. He takes a whole lot as trade goods.
- The others approach the church and find that it's actually a monastery in a classical Nonanist style. Down the slope beyond is a village of little houses, hill-shaped like hobbit holes, with cheery lights coming from within. The ground is firm and has a number of white threads all through it.
- Bulgur knocks a powerful Barbarian knock at the monastery door (echoes of Lindisfarne). The doors open and reveal... no-one! But oh, look down, it's a Halfling in priestly robes! Elderly but with a sharp beard shave.
- Bulgur stumbles back when he realises that the Halfling-priest has mycellial fibres stretching from his back into the darkness! It's a Toasted One!
- The others see, down in the town, that all of the villagers have exited their homes and are looking up towards the monastery with hollow eyes.

- The party RUN!!! Back on the horses! Back into the wastes! No more threads! Never again!

--- Welcome to Drudgespar!

- They meet up with Nines as the sun sets and the weather starts to turn - no longer snowfall, it's the Mushroom Slush of winter. Fast-growing fungus snakes up from the cold ground, escaping the snow.
- It gets into bags and winds up legs, but in a lovely turn of events is not interested in biological orifices in the way that Zeppelino was worried/excited about.

- Nines utilises the ground-firming abilities he stole from a dead tree monster to assist the party in getting across the Ferrofluid Fens in the dark.
- Soon they reach the walls of Drudgespar! Like a great drill plunging into the ground, the inverted cone of the city walls disappear up into the heavens. Lights and fires glimmer on the far-away lip. Back in the fens they hear a sound like a woodchipper, and decide to move swiftly on to find an entrance.

--- The Colossal Timtan

- Rather than finding an entrance, Brie has a better idea!
- With the power of CHRISTMAS NONSENSE, Tiny Tim the little frog muppet grows to a COLOSSAL SIZE!!

- He puts the whole party gently on the top of the walls as goblins flee in terror! After five years... it has returned!

- The party look down over Drudgespar. An inverted cone, hollow, endlessly building up, endlessly sinking. Far below is the city proper, the bottom of a huge bowl made of structures endlessly climbing on top of each other. Buildings crust the inner walls, tapering down and down. Above, connected by a mesh of ropes and rigging, are zeppelins and balloons floating far above the city below.

- It's the Goblin Capital, the Sinking City of the Wastes. They're finally here.

- One thing though... how do they get down?

--- Drop and Definitely Do Not Roll

- Horns are blaring out along the wall as the guards sound the alarm. Other horns take up the sound, the further away the more staccato the horn-blasts.
- Tiny Tim vanishes in a puff of pine-scented Christmas Steam and takes up residence on Brie's shoulder.

- The party hustle along the wall in the opposite direction to the way the guards fled. They soon come to a guardpost - a thin bed, a crossbow on the wall, and... good god what is it? It's... it's... a jar of pickled onions! They are way more impressed by this than the crossbow, which they also take.
- They also find the hatch with a ladder down. It descends to a poorly lit street, high up the wall. The street is clearly just the tops of houses built up from far below. No matter, it's a thoroughfare.
- A Goblin called Bigins sees them and after talking respectfully to Zeppelino invites them into its house. It's surprising to see non-goblins up here! He's definitely a Bud-Goblin, not a controller Hobgoblin, and there are others like him in the house. Zeppelino's bud-goblins go over to chat, speaking in Goblin Ergot.
- Bulgur can speak Ergot for some reason - the limited language of the Bud-Goblins - and hears the way they talk about their masters. He also eats almost all of the guest rite canapes.

--- A Nice Dinner to End the Session

- Given that their clothes are full of Slush Fungus, and that the goblins know that you can just throw your clothes out into the cold in the evening to get rid of it, they all get naked and wear the filthy rags of their hosts. Bulgur lets it all hang out, of course.

- Manrat cooks the very well named "Bowl with Diced Stuff in It" - Slopworm, Pumpkin, Pickled Onion, Slush Mushroom, Rat. It gives them extra oomph when running away... but also gives people some bad stomach cramps. It remains to be seen what that means for tomorrow...

Total: 10000 exp

Treasure Looted:

- A crossbow
- A jar of pickled onions

Roles:

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster, Cartographer AND Quartermaster (400 exp/level)5

- Kitty the Expedition leader (100 exp/level)5

- Ollie the Vanguard (100 exp/level)4
- George the Chef (100 exp/level)5

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 28435 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 24335 (Level up at 32000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 16401 (Level up at 32000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +Goblin! +Backstory!

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 16568 (Level up at 28000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 4 Necromancer: 15968 (Level up at 18000)

- Zoe / Nostradama, Level 3 Cleric of Nonanism: 7843 (Level up at 9000)

Session 392 - The Muppets Christmas Special

Date: 25 December 1624

Moon Phase: Merry and Bright

Moon Face: Clean as the Driven Snow

Zenith Deity: Saint Nicholas

Returning Characters:

- Nines, played by Michael Caine

- Bulgur, played by a muppet with thick woolen hair and bright blonde skin.

- Brie played by an inverse Miss Piggy with green skin and pink hair.

- Manrat played by Rizzo the Rat

- Zeppelino played by Oscar the Grouch

Events:

--- Gifflewim's Christmas Surprise!

- Despite being in the middle of the Red Elf bubble-city, a more fearsome magic emerges before the party! It's Gifflewim, appearing out of a milky portal!
- There's a problem in New Moondin. The economy is built on the Greed Demon Julgoor, and he needs a ready supply of Greed to keep it going. The lynchpin of this greed is one Mr Scrooge, but they've got intel that he'll be visited by three spirits in the night and undermine the whole system!
- Go to New Moondin and stop the spirits, he begs you!

- It's a Christmas Special so of course everyone's in!

--- You there boy, what day is it?

- They emerge from the portal into New Moondin!... But not as the players knew it. Most of the town are muppets now, and there's a snowy and Victorian vibe. Muppet spider-kids amble past and the townsfolk seem to be fairly ok with their muppety situation.
- Good lord, the party are muppets now! They can teleport by ducking behind objects! All of them that is except for Nines who is played by Michael Caine! He shall be known as Michael Nines in this recap because there are two Michael Caines.

- They witness a different and more Scrooge-like Michael Caine (who I shall denote Scrooge) asking a passing muppet what day it is from the window above Julgoor's. 

- They also witness Bob Cratchit played by Kermit the Frog, lamenting his horrible boss and clearly filled with fatherly love over his lovely yet crippled child Tiny Tim.

--- Christmas Past

- They witness the best song of Marley and Maaaarrley oOooOooOoo, then are taken (unbeknownst to Scrooge) with the Ghost of Christmas Past to Scrooge's past. They witness his early life in the Ferfect Fried Chicken shop, under the spidery foreleg of Colonel Chicken.
- Michael Nines learns the lesson of not inflicting the trauma of your upbringing on your employees, perhaps?

--- Christmas Present
- They're back in the present now! A fair clip!
- Brie disappears behind a wall and teleports to Bob Cratchit's house. She's got a plan (it involves Necromancy).
- Scrooge is taken to see Bob Cratchit's happy but poor family and.. what's this??? Tiny Tim's bones have been healed by Repair Skeleton! But it worked too well!

- Tiny Tim is now KAIJU TIM! He roars!

- The Cratchit's house is on fire! Oh no!

- It becomes increasingly unclear whether the Michael Caines are separate entities!

---Christmas Yet to Come

- They arrive in the future and must battle the final spirit! It rolls dice in advance and replaces them at will, very meta.
- Luckily they manage to charm it, and it stops fighting. The future has been defeated...?

- But lo, it's Kaiju Tim! They shoot him in the head.

- They take Tiny Tim's Last Breath.
- A zombie eats the giant brain and becomes HYPER-INTELLIGENT and SUPER-RAVENOUS!!!
- I'm unsure what the implications are I'll have to ask tonight.
- The corpse of Tiny Tim is Raised to become the collosal zombie Titan Tim. Has 1HP but will fall on his attacker(s) for 18d8 damage, save vs blast for half.

--- Christmas Presents

- The day is saved! As far as we can tell, Scrooge didn't learn his lesson in all the chaos, so Julgoor is happy.
- Gifflewim admits that the town is muppets due to him triggering a Muppet Bomb a while back. He had good intentions - New Moondin was overrun by fascists and the best way to resist arbitrary executions was to turn everyone into unkillable muppets.
- Unclear if this is a permanent thing or just for Christmas.
- Thankfully, presents! Everyone gets to roll for random rewards (and additionally get 1992 obols each from Gifflewim for saving capitalism).

- Next time, back to the Wastes!

Total:  7000 exp

Foes Defeated:

- Tiny Tim (0 exp)

- Titan Tim (500 exp)
- The Spirit of Future Yet to Come (200 exp)

Total: 700 exp

Stuff Claimed:

- Brie:

-- 1992 obols (1992 exp)

-- Deed for a house in Bunkertown's Northfell district  - 1700 obol Safe Investment

-- Vial of Unholy Water

- Bulgur:
-- 1992 obols (1992 exp)
-- Book #108: The Twinned Cities (100 exp)
-- Potion #127: Ultra-Healing

-- Potion #111: Climbing

-- Hobby Horse that works as an actual steed!

-- Manrat:

- 1992 obols (1992 exp)
- Electro-Bomb

- Coward's Aegis: Shield molded into a fearful face; -2 to hit; when hit you teleport 10' backwards; Shield Break to teleport to first threshold crossed this session.

-- Nines:
- 1992 obols (1992 exp)
- Grey elf ear pierced by a golden earring (1152 exp)
- Potion #156, labelled in French

-- Zeppelino:
- 1992 obols (1992 exp)

- Floating toy doll that is the long-lost toy of an underworld monarch
- Hand Box: Box containing shrivelled human hand; put a fresh hand in the box to heal 1d6.

Total: 11212 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 24768 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 22168 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 14401 (Level up at 28000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! A whopping 25 Rats!  +Backstory!

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 4 Goblin: 14734 (Level up at 16000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 4 Necromancer: 13901 (Level up at 18000)