Wednesday, 11 April 2018

Session 175 - Baby Just Say Yes

Despite (or due to?) having only two players, the ascent from the halls of Moldus Vane goes well! The druggies are just chilling down there, supplied with drugs by the charitable demon Julgoor, and Moldus Vane seems to have some sort of special deal with the tentacles to let him live down there.
And excitingly, character drama ensues when our lovestruck heroes return to the library...

POWERLAD renews his vows.
Galaxy Johnson feels the wrath of a woman scorned.



​- Charles depicts the D R A M A (line art version of page 2 incoming next week)




- Ollie gives deep insight into Mattgate
hewasanextraithoughtkillingextraswaspartofthefunimsorryyy


Session 175 - Baby Just Say Yes

Campaign Date:
Tuesday, 2 March, 1601
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Zodiac: Aquarius

Enemies Defeated:
- Arach-Nacha again, in a sense (250 exp) 
Total: 250 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 6 wraps of Notcoke (300 exp)
Total: 300 exp

Exploration:
- 2 random encounters (100 exp)
Total: 100 exp

Events:
- Isen Heisenberg looks at the broken wall of his room in shock and awe. POWERLAD is framed in the breach, the removed rock hovering in front of the rune glowing in his hand. (50 exp)
- Entering Isen's room through the actual door, Galaxy Johnson witnesses the same sight! Also, somehow, the rest of the party has left to do something else somewhere. (50 exp)
- Looking between the destroyed wall on one side and the creepy grey alien man on the other, Isen is confused as hell but very happy to talk! (50 exp)
- He says he has completed the ritual to attain his final apotheosis in the dragon cult, becoming immune to all poisons and diseases and capable of converting his body into a deadly poisonous gas. (50 exp)
- His plan - finish the development of his tentacle-destroying omnipoison, consume it, then descend to as deep a point on Shub-Niggurath as he can before deploying said omnipoison. There are ways down deep accessible from this complex. (50 exp)
- "Simple!" he says, before snorting a line of white powder. Galaxy Johnson and POWERLAD look at each other with no small amount of worry for his mental state. (50 exp)
- Looking around, his chemistry lab is basically made up of inventively combined drug paraphernalia. Bongs as flasks, crack pipe test tubes, that sort of thing. (50 exp)
- They ask him if he needs anything to complete his experiments, and he tells them that back at his lab on the service there are several vials of distilled poison he'd like. Also, a more pure supply of that poison POWERLAD gave him before would be amazing. Also some more coke would be juuuuuust fantastic. (50 exp)
- He'd go up to get the stuff himself, but he is so so ashamed. He had imagined himself emerging as a hero as the tentacles were destroyed by poison. He was meant to save the world, not destroy it! If only he'd done more tests! The shame is overwhelming. (50 exp)
- He offers to let them stay the night in this room, and the pair gratefully accept. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD puts the wall back, but not without attempting a new neat trick - creating stuff! He pulls a great hammer from the very stone, brushing off the rock to reveal the shape that was in there all along! (50 exp)



- They sleep on piles of rags on the floor, Isen Heisenberg working through the night. (50 exp)
--- The Next Day
- In the morning, POWERLAD does the rune trick again, the Devotion of Ninhursag allowing him to create some extra weapons for Galaxy Johnson. While these stone weapons are fragile, they are effective! (50 exp)
- They thank the dozing Heisenberg and go to find Moldus Vane, the leader of this place. He gives them directions and a rolled up parchment with his seal on it to prove their story. (50 exp)


- Crossing a massive cavern with a squirming ceiling, they approach a couple of spear-wielding guards asleep on the job. (50 exp)
- They convince one that he's forgotten to ring the morning gong! Alarmed, that guy runs off to do that! The other, seeing Heisenberg's seal, escorts them in to announce them to Moldus Vane. (50 exp)
- Through an entry chamber and a tapestry room, they are shown to some double doors which are thrown open! A large pillared room that looks to have been scooped out of the stone by writhing tentacles! (50 exp)
- And at the other end of the room on a stone throne held by a mass of thick tentacles, finally, after all these years - Moldus Vane himself! (50 exp)
- He's real old, unsurprisingly, and smoking a long golden pipe. The distinctive grassy scent of otherpot floats through the air. (50 exp)
It's hard to explain just how wonderful and peaceful and loving it was to be in the Mould. Together with his followers, they were one with the Gods and one with each other. It was wonderful. Then, one day, the Mould disappeared and they were all thrust into this horrible apocalypse. They lost so much more than they can say (50 exp)
- To fill that void, drugs! 
He's the leader of all these committed Zeanists, a holy hard-partying apocalypse cult inspired by the teachings of the prophet Zea. Charles looks pleased and disturbed, it was his character that started this. (50 exp)
- Moldus Vane motions them forwards. Drugged up guards hiding behind the pillars withdraw to his throne and stand down. (50 exp)
- How does he control the tentacles? He says he's got a good relationship with the tentacle cultists. He occasionally sends them people and supplies, in exchange the tentacles don't attack his charges. This area has connections to the veins of the earth deep below, so it's helpful to the tentacultists to have a neutral ground close to the surface. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD tells him about Blood Honey. It's a lovely drug, surely of interest? He passes over his gold pipe, allowing some blood honey to be dripped into the bowl. He's totally sold! The combo of otherpot and blood honey sends him to a higher state. (50 exp)



- He murmurs something about the dealer needing to get a supply of this stuff, and POWERLAD spots a business opportunity! Where can they find this guy? (50 exp)
- Moldus languidly waves them in the right direction and the pair head back towards the private dormitories. They knock on a door... and a masked man opens it! (50 exp)
- Incense wafts out into the hallway, framing a lithe man with coppery skin, lavish robes, and a golden mask. Jewels glimmer in his eyes, and as he speaks the mask shifts between expressions. Now welcoming, now serious, now pleased. (50 exp)
- His name is Julgoor and, naturally, he is a demon. He welcomes the two into his hazy room of cushions and cloth-hung walls. Shelves of exotic substances, hanging bronze braziers curling with sweet-smelling smoke, a large soft bed of overstuffed pillows upon which vague figures laze and mutter in quiet voices. (50 exp)
- Blood Honey, you say? Why! A supply of such a sought-after and exotic substance would be wonderful! A deal is struck to assist Julgoor and gain a guaranteed buyer for the product! (50 exp)
- He graciously allows POWERLAD to try some of his supply. The first taste is free after all... He's also willing to give out drugs for free in exchange for future favours. POWERLAD takes him up on that, asking for 6 doses of Notcoke. (50 exp)
- Julgoor artfully apportions the powder into six identical wraps and brushes POWERLAD's face as he hands over the goods. A faint six-pointed mark blossoms where he touches. There are no other consequences though... (50 exp)
- They head to Isen Heisenberg's room and POWERLAD gives him three of the doses. Isen is very grateful! He offers to give POWERLAD a sermon on Ninhursag's poisonous graces, and POWERLAD gratefully agrees. (50 exp)
- Ninhursag smiles upon POWERLAD, who gains the power of the Claws of Ninhursag! The ability to surge the green dragon's latent power once a day, doubling in size and gaining a powerful unarmed attack! (50 exp)
- They head off for the surface, crossing the bridge over the toad monster uneventfully. Beneath the surface, the monster chokes fitfully as it fights over the poison. (50 exp)
- Guards with spears pointing inwards guard the exit. Luckily Heisenberg's letter is accepted, and they continue. (50 exp)
- The pool with the dead eel swarms with white grubs that plop from the writhing ceiling, but POWERLAD uses his dragon-rune powers to create stepping stones from the very walls! (50 exp)



- Travelling upwards and outwards, the friendly guards waiting in the false mine escort the pair back out of the tentacle-ridden Biohazard zone and towards the library. (50 exp)
- On the way, they hear a shout from a star-struck jeweler. He yells that he'll give a special discount to POWERLAD and his companions! Galaxy Johnson is stoked and buys a torc to use as a ring when he proposes to the spider queen. POWERLAD buys a tasteful silver skull necklace as a gift for Bertha. (50 exp)
--- The Library
- Speaking of Bertha, she's angry! She's standing on the steps of the library, flanked by the winged shape of none other than Andromeda! She smirks down at POWERLAD as Bertha yells. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD tries to explain over Bertha's shouts to leave her alone and give her some space. POWERLAD's spider pregnancy was one thing, but a gay orgy in a four dimensional art gallery?! Why didn't he tell her!?(50 exp)
- She flings the latest saucy novella at POWERLAD and slams the door. POWERLAD and the Four Dimensional Orgy lands at his feet. POWERLAD is still buzzing off the coke though and impulsively runs towards the door, goes BIG, and smashes it open! (50 exp)
- "I TOLD YOU TO GIVE ME SPACE!" yells Bertha as she runs deeper into the library. Andromeda follows her, alternately shout expletives at POWERLAD and comforting her friend. Apparently they're mates now? (50 exp)
- They're heading for where the spider queen is hidden! "My queeeeen!" whispers Galaxy Johnson and pursues with POWERLAD. Old Man Henderson finally catches up from wherever he's been and pursues too! (50 exp)
- The pursuit ends at a door that's been hastily left ajar. Sounds of Andromeda comforting Bertha can be heard from inside. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson activates his squicky spider powers, crawls into a shadow, and sneakily crawls out of a shadow above a bookcase inside the room. He can see both women and also the big sack containing Arach-Nacha his queeeen! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD turns on heartbeat vision and sees... only Bertha and Galaxy Johnson?! Peeking through the keyhole, Andromeda has no heartbeat to speak of. What the hell. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson crawls down from his perch, making little attempt at sneakiness, and opens up the sack! Inside is... books?! (50 exp)
- The fuck is going on. Where is his queeeeen?! Andromeda hears him, spins, and angrily rushes at Galaxy! Bertha staggers backwards... (50 exp)
- ... and backs into POWERLAD! He burst through the door at the first sound of trouble, and he catches Bertha before she can fall over. She tears herself away and backs into the aisle between two bookcases, her face full of conflicting emotion. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson is horrified to see Andromeda's fingers extend into pale black-veined talons. She swipes at his face, but Galaxy stumbles over the sack of books and narrowly avoids the claws. (50 exp)
- Old Man Henderson charges through the door, past the sobbing Bertha and conflicted POWERLAD, and sweeps Andromeda's legs from under her! (50 exp)
- Andromeda spins, landing on her back with her head staring up at Galaxy Johnson. "You just had to go and FUCK IT UP!" she shouts... and transforms. (50 exp)
- A black mask emerges from under her chin and slides down over her face, enormous black chitinous legs burst from her chest, her lower body swells and grows, the mask grows eight eyes and cherry-red lips, her hands are encased in glossy black, and the monstrous form of Arach-Nacha emerges gruesomely before Galaxy Johnson's very eyes! (50 exp)
- "It was going so well too," she says with some regret as she bites at Galaxy Johnson. He nearly avoids the blow, but one of the fangs embeds itself in his shoulder, pumping black poison into his veins. (50 exp)
- Unheeding, POWERLAD is trying his hardest to explain the events of the art gallery orgy to Bertha. It was magic gone awry! I've always been truthful with you otherwise, you know that this sort of thing happens in my line of work. You have to believe me Bertha! (50 exp)
- "I have secrets too POWERLAD!" she says, nearly confessing her secret past to her husband, but is cut off when POWERLAD desperately falls to one knee... (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson is dying. He reaches into his pocket and withdraws the torc he bought from the jewellery shop. He speaks his last words... (50 exp)
- "Will you marry me... my queen?" (50 exp)
- The spider queen is suddenly overcome with regret and horror at what she's done! "Yesss of courssse Galaxxy! You will bear my many childrennn! Pleassse, hold on for meee!" (50 exp)
- She kisses him as his life begins to slip away, her long tongue emerging from between her lips and snaking down his throat... (50 exp)
- Simultaneously, POWERLAD is on one knee in front of Bertha. "I was too drunk to remember asking you to marry me the first time", he says, pulling the necklace from his pocket, "I wish this was a ring but... Bertha, will you marry me?" (50 exp)
- I can't fucking handle these delicious character stakes. (50 exp)
- Bertha tears up, "yes yes of course yes!" (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson's eyes open. He's got those eight beautiful unblinking eyes staring into his, and her gorgeously long tongue squirming around in his belly. The poison immunity! He's alive! (50 exp)
- He barely gags as her tongue slides back up and out of his throat. The lump of eggs in his belly gives him comfort and warmth. Her smooth black hands hold him gently. It's a fucked up relationship, but it's his. (50 exp)
- Old Man Henderson is caught between joy and horror, quietly hides his bloodstained halberd behind his back, and slips out of the door in the hopes that everyone will forget he just stabbed Galaxy Johnson's new fiancee. Congratulations to the happy couples! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 (50 exp)
Total: 3300 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Freudian bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Poison is OP bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Shunga bonus (50 exp)
- Soap Opera bonus (50 exp)
- Pacifism bonus (500 exp) 
Total: 1050 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Caller (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Guard ( Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Ollie - 100 exp ea.)- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Kitty*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Charles - 500 exp)

Active Businesses:
- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 515sp. (Sir Robyn) 

Rumours:
-

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None!

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 87761 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 8 (-40% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 40209 (Level up at 48000)
--- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Octogenarian


Absent or Retired:
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Wednesday, 4 April 2018

Session 174 - Dungeons and Druggies

Descent into the underground drug den!
Lots of things happened, and after the Easter weekend I'm surprised I managed to finish this recap at all!

POWERLAD rips an eel in two.
Hacker's Halberdiers briefly have an extra named character.
Galaxy Johnson follows drug addicts into a dark alley.
Marjorie sells many hats.
Sir Robyn deals with a noise complaint.
Synthia poisons a frog.

- Timothy draws a memorial to Matt the Extra

- Ollie models Synthia!


Now some can conquer foes or sin, But 'gainst God's will, one cannot win. Bechanced our lads, when delving more, Upon a wood - oh, wait, stone door. Now'n D&D, "do what you will" Then leave it to your rolling-skill, But here the DM had been astride For too many a merry aside, And the bagpiper's piping folly Had ceased to make our DM jolly. "Fuck it," said the door's occupant, Throwing a stone - not an unoft cant In this tale of dice, but without even a pass At rolling 'gainst the unit's armour class. "Yeah Matthew's dead." By sheer will of God, Poor Matthew dropped dead like men in C.O.D. Understandably, the Hackers jumped 'cross about 5 feet, But 'gain, with ne'er a roll, and unreal speed The doorman closed the door (oh now of stone) And this should have ended this certain tome, "But nay," thought Fred. "I should get a chance To wreak my rightful, just vengeance Upon this superhuman murder-advocate Who just killed my good friend Matt." But the others were already in the other room And the DM had decided That or Doom. So whilst the extras (having the strength of five by two, On menial tasks - it's in the rules) And the man having just opened the door Gainst the bagpipes mentioned abefore Did not even give his door admission To them now, nor his friend from some other mission; That for was simply not allowed To open ever, certainly not now. This is choice in a campaign choice lacks, And I won't even get onto Rake Hacker's child Jack, Though her death was argued down to fate, Really, the DM didn't want to wait - Or Hacker himself, whose hand is said to have stuck Somehow, loctite, against the butt Of a beautiful horse of water Without even a roll to ask fer. Rather than following the story's mistive, Our lads had given "God" some mischief, And now when going across the bridge ahead Which others had crossed with minimal dread Suddenly in the water came alive A four-tongued toad of CR 5, And cos God did not have a shit to give, We didn't roll initiative, And - four fails notwithstandin' (Failing utterly to land a blow in), Somehow, now grappled were the halberdiers Deep in water up to their ears. But Young Fred's a goodly sort, And with him a zweihander brought, Upon the head of this overgrown tadpole Finally getting a chance to roll, And got the fucker locked around the head For Synthia, a newfound friend, to kill it dead. Perhaps the DM had decided karma Appeased enough to restore their armour, Or settled for a hasty sating, To prevent this now mini-Satan And his bagpiper, with a kilt on Reenacting the works of John Milton. Natheless they're freed. And now Frederegar, Who'd fought against foes near and far, The frogs' and maggots' not-quite aperitif, Left these folk to their pre-ordained narrative, And as a monk might re-illuminate A page that he doth ruminate Has faulty gilding (or indeed a bard might happen To change tune at the next-on tavern), So we leave this precise real'ty For one of more appealing fealty Where, instead of tentacles and mould, Which, let's face it, got quickly old, To El Dorado, by way of Rote, Would sail young Fred upon a boat, And see the frost-bitten metal North And eve to Grimheim sally forth There to slay the Vampire's thralls Beyond Loegria's prison walls. Oh and also that Pirate Witch. These all promised adventures which, Being left upon the rumour table, Should be achieved within the fable. That will be the final frain Of Frederegar in this certain campaign. So once you forgive my (rage quit) drama Please join me in slaught'ring mutant lllama And rediscover discov'ry's thrill In the warp stone forests of south Brazil. 
- The continued adventures of the not-at-all-irritated Halberdiers



Session 174 - Dungeons and Druggies

Campaign Date:
Saturday, 28 February, 1601
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous
Zodiac: Aquarius

New Characters:
- Marjorie, a Halfling Milliner who has been chasing rumours of a hat-loving lawyer and a crowd of well-accoutred gentlemen.

Enemies Defeated:
- A massive eel (75 exp)
- A many-headed toad hydra (250 exp)
- Several druggies (40 exp)
Total: 365 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Nothing??
Total: 0 exp

Exploration:
- Explored further Biohazard Zone (100 exp)
- First party to enter the Pearl Mine (200 exp)
- Explored 5 dungeon areas (100 exp)
Total: 400 exp

Events:
- In a town overtaken by dragon cultists and tentacles, down a hole, in a fake mine, the party wake up surrounded by guards. (50 exp)
- Waking up surrounded by armed guards is fine when they're on your side! Above, the gibbering of strange cultists floats down. (50 exp)
- Hacker's Halberdiers return with armfuls of nicely cooked surprisingly sausage-tasting grubs, previously cooked by flaming web. Also, Synthia arrives! (50 exp)
- The party heads downwards into the unknown depths, descending down the strange stairs found earlier. There is a clear point where the fake mine transitions into angular-walled tunnel. (50 exp)
- An underground river is reached, pouring from a four-eyed frog head. Fish occasionally slip through its batrachian lips. (50 exp)


- Indistinct voices can be heard over the rushing water, occasionally shouting with glee. Someone's down here at least. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD shutters his lantern to be sneakier. The thin beam picks out a weird guy shivering and shaking and being weird. He gibbers, clearly some sort of junkie. (50 exp)
- Beyond him is an underground lake. People on one-man floating rafts hold Make-Light glyphs to attract fish and catch them. (50 exp)
- Synthia uses her spyglass to look across the lake - there's a blocky dam with bars to let the water through. The water flows deeper in. (50 exp)
- The weird junkie guy doesn't have a floating mat to float on and asks for a mat. Matthew, a heretofore unnamed Extra, steps forward! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn trades a magically created fish to the junkie in exchange for information, some of it self-contradictory. (50 exp)
- Suddenly there is a yell of fear, on one side of the lake floating on a mat over a sunken roof a guy is shrieking that he felt an eel touch his leg! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD doesn't hesitate! He dives into the water, hulking out as he does so, and grabs the massive eel! (50 exp)
- The rest of the group hear a sound and turn to see a Halfling approach the group. Apparently she is a milliner. Hacker's Halberdiers and Sir Robyn are suddenly very interested! (50 exp)
- In the background, unheeded, electricity crackles from POWERLAD's titanic struggle with the great slippery eel. (50 exp)


- Marjorie the Halfling Milliner has followed the tales of particularly extravagant hat-loving spendthrifts into this dark dungeon. She stoked to have found them! (50 exp)
- Perhaps some warm, reversible hats might be in order for the Halberdiers? Good for keeping your ears warm when you're out of frame... (50 exp)
- POWERLAD tries to tie the eel in a knot but gets bitten by the eel's snaggly teeth. Synthia leaves the foreground and lines up a shot with her magic bow. (50 exp)
- Several arrows fly free, one barely misses POWERLAD while another hits an innocent man in the middle of the lake. He screams! (50 exp)
- Hacker's Halberdiers seem somewhat convinced about the hats, but Fredregar doesn't want to commit. At least, at first. Marjorie reaches out a hand and suddenly Fredregar's mind is under HER control! (50 exp)
- He agrees to buy many hats. Marjorie collects the cash. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn finally notices the ruckus occurring behind him and fires upon the eel! It's no problem though, POWERLAD has this well in hand. He tears the eel's jaws apart, ripping the great beast apart at the seams. (50 exp)
The ribbons of half-eel bleed into the lake, the man he saved is absolutely starstruck. (50 exp)
- The first weird junkie agrees to buy a hat, especially now that Marjorie has a crowd of extras to enforce her hat racket. He loves it! (50 exp)


- The man POWERLAD saved tells him all. Yes, there was a dragon guy who came through here and yes, he went through that portcullis over there. It should be open. (50 exp)
- Marjorie commands the Halberdiers to carry her across the water like a living raft. They do so gladly. Sir Robyn barters a License to Trade for permission to use the Halberdiers too. Business! (50 exp)


- POWERLAD swims across the lake, see as he already single-handedly killed the lake's biggest menace. (50 exp)
- Synthia beckons a man on a raft-mat over and murders him quietly, steals his mat, and drifts across. Very sneaky. (50 exp)
- Beyond the grate, lights! They are the steady pale white light of rune-lights, bobbing around behind a further portcullis gate. Nobody's investigating, but the guy POWERLAD saved is hurt and needs help! (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson is suddenly here, crawling out of whatever dark dimension he resides in when he's not around. Just in time to pay a toll to get into the dungeon proper. (50 exp)
- Yep, there's a toll for entry to this wonderful underground drug den. The guards, also clearly on drugs, say they'll accept money or drugs. They're easy. Hackers Halberdiers negotiate a bulk discount. (50 exp)
- Blood Honey and a business card for Blood Honey 4 U are proffered. While everyone's distracted, Synthia sends her remote control zombie hand to try and turn the wheel that opens the gate to no avail (50 exp)
-  Hackers Halberdiers go to shoot - but they've been swimming through water and drenched their powder. Drat! Instead, the Piper plays his pipes. Everyone hates the Piper, especially these guards. (50 exp)
- Marjorie tries to mind control a guard but is distracted by the screeching echoes of the pipes. The psychic whiplash knocks her out. Fredregar is no longer under her control, but he's chill. (50 exp)
- Synthia fires a bow through the portcullis, wounding both the guards. They flee! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn's raccoons wiggle through the bars and turn the crank. They're in! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD asks their wounded hostage where the doctors are. He's not sure, but Moldus Vane their elderly leader might be able to help! He's onwards. (50 exp)
- The hated Bagpiper is still going. I guess if he stops he'll be unavailable for the rest of the scene? Extras are weird. (50 exp)
- A door is found and an angry man with a terrible headache leans out to tell everyone to keep the noise down! (50 exp)



- When they don't, he says he's locking the door. Matt the Extra tries to speak but is killed by a thrown rock, a parting gift from the angry sleeper. He doesn't even roll for it. Soz Tom. (50 exp)
- Incensed by this roll-free injustice, the Extras attack! Unfortunately the cranky guy has already locked the door, and even the might of a piece of jerky will not allow entry. Alas. (50 exp)
- Everyone else leaves the Extras behind as they attempt to ram down the door with the guy who got hurt by the eel. Sir Robyn leaves a surreptitious advertisement for his noise complaint-related services. (50 exp)
--- Sensible People
- Ahead, the stream ends in another lake. This slightly larger with a bridge. A man with a bucket of fish guts and maggots sits on a chair near the bridge. (50 exp)
- Apparently fish guts are needed to cross the bridge. There is a great big many-headed toad monster under the bridge, and if you don't feed it it will feed on YOU! (50 exp)
- He does know the way to Isen Heisenberg's guest room though, and points the way. Apparently the guy's living down here? (50 exp)
- Marjorie arrives in the nick of time and offers to stiffen the man's hat in exchange for fish guts and passage. A good deal! (50 exp)
- Throwing the fish guts off the bridge as they go, the water below boils with multiple long-necked frog heads which devour the chum. (50 exp)
- They cross, finding that there's some sort of stilt-hut butcher with pig guts all underneath it in the tall-roofed cavern. Lights bobbing ahead come closer. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD uses his heartbeat vision and sees Isen Heisenberg's winged form beyond yonder wall. The dragon provides! (50 exp)
- The bobbing lights heading towards the party are a bunch of stoners. They're surprised to see travellers passing through, but not that surprised. (50 exp)
- They say it's probably nearly time to bang the gong, if anyone would like them to show them to the guest rooms? Policy is guests have got to stay there overnight. (50 exp)
- Suddenly, from behind, screams! (50 exp)
--- The Angry Mob
- The Halberdiers attempt to get the door open by repeatedly knocking and getting told to fuck off. Then the Piper starts up again. (50 exp)
- The racket finally jolts Marjorie from her failed mind control reverie and she approaches to help. She offers a haircut, but the guy behind the door has had enough. Marjorie wanders off to join the main group. (50 exp)
- This is a matter of pride! They keep knocking. Eventually the guy inside goes silent presumably holding a pillow over his ears to block out the noise. (50 exp)
- They try to ram down the door with the wounded fisherman, who dies when his head is pounded in. Nice. (50 exp)
- Annoyed by their lack of progress, the Halberdiers leave the guy to it. They head out across the toad bridge to rejoin the main party and - oh no! The frog heads attack! (50 exp)
- One of them manages to get its tongue wrapped around Fredregar's arm, while another sweeps the legs and sends the rest of the troupe tumbling into the water! (50 exp)



- Synthia takes the opportunity to run across, "saving" Fredregar's fancy hat as she does so! (50 exp)
- Many Extras die this day... yet there are somehow always more. Synthia jabs the one on Feedregar's wrist with her Poison Fang Attack! It works, the frog heads all slipping down into the water to hopefully die. (50 exp)



- The Halberdiers climb out of the water, they are saved! Synthia dusts off Fredregar's fancy hat and gives it back. (50 exp)
--- 
Galaxy Johnson's Side Quest
- Sir Robyn and Galaxy Johnson are chatting to the stoners with the rune-lights who are telling them about the big brass gong and the guest rooms. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson asks to see the guest rooms and they lead him off. The party is split once more! (50 exp)
- He's led to the "guest rooms" with their outer portcullis, seeing a large cavern with a bunch of drugged up fishermen and stuff. All very strange, but rather peaceful. (50 exp)
- He convinces the stoners to go ring the bed time gong while he settles in for the night. As they leave, he nips into the nearby doorway that leads towards Isen Heisenberg's room. (50 exp)
- He comes face to face with a guard, drinks some moon water to go full Elf... and there's a dramatic crash and blast of dust from Isen's room! (50 exp)
--- The Rest of the Party
- POWERLAD can see Isen's blood vessels beating through the wall, and draws himself a Take-Rock rune in order to bust his way in! (50 exp)
- He powers it on, and with the unnatural blessing of Ninhursag granting him extra power over the rune, pulls out a whole chunk of wall! (50 exp)
- Looking up from his desk, looking incredibly surprised, is Isen Heisenberg! Cliffhanger ending!! (50 exp)

Total: 3450 exp

Misc:
- AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa bonus (50 exp)
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Ace Attorney bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations 
bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)
- Hard Bargain bonus (50 exp)
- Henchman Abuse bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Infamy bonus (50 exp)
- Internecine Strife bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Mind Control to Major Tom bonus (50 exp)
- Poison is OP bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Vore bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1250 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- MVP Bonus! (POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Remembrancer (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Caller (Kitty / POWERLAD  - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Ollie / Synthia - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Timothy - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Timothy*2, Andrea - 100 exp/chippo)
- Hummus Hero bonus (Andrea - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Timothy, Ollie - 500 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:
- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 515sp. (Sir Robyn) 

Rumours:
-

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Matt the Extra is kill

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 87761 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 7 (-35% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 40209 (Level up at 48000)-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 1 (-5% exp) --- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Octogenarian

- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 28168 (Level up at 36000)
- Ollie / Synthia, Level 5 Inheritor: 18646 (Level up at 36000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 Mutation Capacity! +2 Meat Points! +backstory!
- Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers, Level 3 Extras: 5598 (Level up at 6000)
- Andrea / Marjorie, Level 1 Halfling: 1111 (Level up at 2000)
Absent or Retired:
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Friday, 23 March 2018

Session 173 - In Which Bagpipes Nearly Ruin Everything

The party descend into the earth! The only thing stopping a good, reliable, risk-minimising delve... the horrific BAGPIPER who continually attracts attention and hatred from one and all!

Sir Robyn raises his children.
Hacker's Halberdiers seize fancy clothes.
Ratimir returns.
POWERLAD blows down a tentacle.
Mori is missed by crossbows.
Galaxy Johnson finds a use for Coalminer Dan.


Tim draws the SPOOOOKY bagpiper who brings DOOM


-
 Tom's mid-game doodle

"Betimes to wars, troops bring a minstrel
To stop the soldiers feeling menstrual. Some armies' choir boys praise the Lord, Some bring charioted harpsichord, Some duellists follow duelling banjos, Some, tuneful shouts to guide where their man goes, Some regiments march to toots of trumpets, Some calm the lads with dancing strumpets, Most play the drums; few bring a fiddle, But to play the Hacker lads a diddle, Did one blow shrillish bagpipes gayly, Filling ears with dinful ceilidh, To Powerlad's next daring quest assist Enheartened by their melodist. Now Powerlad had employed one botanist In service to his cause assist. His task (corrupted): find a bane To the tentacles, end this campaign. This slithy refugant knave Instead to a dungeon sought enclave, Armed with vials of deadly taint, Seizing the whole quest in destraint, So the crew ventured b'neath the soil To this loathsome lout embroil. Now dungeons are the realm of Gygax. Enter not without thine broadaxe. First bring ye lumber, steel and flint, So thou hast light by which to squint. In darkness, tempt thou not to eat thy rations, Aband'ning hope for hunger's passions, For when starved of both food and light, And lost 'midst Hades' constant night, Thou'st naught 'gainst lurking nemeses, Thine life but a roll of the d6. For what lurks down in that gaping hole Over which thou vaultest with ten foot pole? What knife into thy vital organs, Strikes the slaves of Demogorgon's? But, with each careful step, behold! The ever distant gleam of gold... Into this Tomb, by son'rous bagpipes rallied, Young Fred and merry mob ensallied. The first foe that their swords would carve: a Slithy swarm of swollen larvae. Venturing 'twixt the walls acrumbling, With Old Man superstitions grumbling, At the next dark corner 'bruptly ganked! By giant maggots prepared and ranked. With pants about their rainbow garters, Natheless the Halberdiers kept to their charter. Round Fred, with feathered hat, they rallied, Then 'gainst the grubs they duly sallied, Their artful swordplay like a dance Embellished by their accoutrements, Frederegar with dual-wield pistols, And fencing unmatched 'twixt here and Bristol, Stabbing polearms, twizz'ling longswords, A porcupine of steel snuffling onwards, Steering the fight; but then: zounds! A blast of acid caused searing wounds To Hacker's men; a new fear nascent, Had attacked the men from circumjacent. A grub of size elephantine, Its acid melting brigandine, Its gaping maw crushing iron Its war cry not unlike the Siren, Ploughed into the unit's rear, But Fred passed leadership for fear, His men with battle gallantry aleaping, Half-swords, pitchforks, sheaves areaping, Stabbing wildly (bagpipes squealing), 'Fore Bodrick's altar-cross the foe killstealing. Left with but a hitpoint nary, The Halberdiers yearned for an apothecary. And vic'try was but a mirage: Arrows, shot and more ranged equipage Past colliflower ears a-whistling And pinging 'mongst their polearms bristling, Bolas tripping men-at-arms prostrate, The barrage causing some t'absquatulate. But with the fog of war a-clearing, And their new assailants through it leering, Up leapt mead-lipped Fred'regar, His tales of exploits near and far, The sorrowful men's hearts alifting, Once more the tide of battle shifting. A charge from Sir Rob and Powerlad, Coalminer Dan and Mori (an elven cad) Slew their foes, with battle-thrill, Double-Triple-Quadra Kill! Though vict'ry came, this famous fray Brought tears of joy and great dismay. For many soldiers, slaughtered like cattle, Would never again march to battle. "
- The further song of Hacker's Halberdiers!

Session 173 - In Which Bagpipes Nearly Ruin Everything

Campaign Date:
Monday, 26 February, 1601
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous
Zodiac: Aquarius

New Backstory:
- One of Hacker's Halberdiers, known only as the Bagpiper, was a member of a secret bagpiper society. He was too good and thus the reason the secret society fell apart. (+1 to hit vs leaders)

Enemies Defeated:
- A sewn-up man (25 exp)
- Like 20 smaller grubs (200 exp)
- One very big grub (100 exp)
- A small cadre of knotsmen (300 exp)
Total: 625 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 25sp (25 exp)
- 1000sp-worth of fancy clothing (1000 exp)
- Rough plate armour
- A light crossbow
- Six wire-trailing bolts
- A long knife
Total: 1025 exp

Exploration:
- Explored further Biohazard Zone (100 exp)
- First party to enter the Pearl Mine (200 exp)
- Explored 5 dungeon areas (100 exp)
Total: 400 exp

Events:
- It is the evening after the eels ate up all the spider eggs in the party's bellies and everyone is spending their time recuperating. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson peeks inside the sack Arach-Nacha is contained within, she sees she's starving. (50 exp)
- Figuring that this lust demon needs lust to feast upon, he asks POWERLAD and Bertha to make out in the spider queen's line of sight. They do so, POWERLAD somewhat awkwardly, but Bertha's a professional. (50 exp)



- Sir Robyn constucts a sort of creche for the rapidly growing demon spider babies. His raccoons help to keep order. He spends the evening telling them of the evil spider witch who tempts little spiders away from their daddy. (50 exp)
- The next morning the party is REFRESHED and ready to take on the Biohazard Zone, find Isen Heisenberg, and generally find out what the hell's going on with his poison stuff. Plans to assist in the defence of the Barrowmaze are tabled for now. (50 exp)
- On the way back to the largest cancer-tentacle, the party is stopped by a squad of militia who are trying to stop people entering the area. The tentacles are very active, and there's been a robbery! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn shows the leader a certificate full of legal nonsense and explains that they are on official business. Cowed by the legalese mind trick, the party is let through. (50 exp)



- Also on the way, drakencultists fly overhead on leathery wings. POWERLAD flexes his massive muscles and waves one of them down. (50 exp)
- The cultist lands in front of him, she's very impressed by his physique. She informs him that they're investigating reports of a robbery, disappearances at the hands of creepy hunched men, fat white parasitic grubs all up in the tentacles. (50 exp)
- She flies off back to her group and the party continue on, soon reaching the area with the fishmonger they were in before. (50 exp)
- Fredregar immediately runs to the Haberdashery and kicks open the door. The man inside cowers! Hacker's Halberdiers pile in after him. (50 exp)
- The rest of the party ignore this and continue on, baffled. They don't hear the screams. (50 exp)
- As they approach an open space in front of the church, a shot rings out above the group's head! A voice from the belltower yells down "Don't come any closer! I've got thousands of guns and I'll use them!" (50 exp)
--- The Haberdashery
- The haberdasher cowers behind the counter, slamming his hand on a bell behind the counter. The bell over the door rings slow-slow-slow, the door to the back room bursts open, and a big fat man with buttons for eyes and stitched-closed mouth and pins under his fingers is framed in the doorway. (50 exp)



- Fredregar spins and runs to the kicked-down door, but it's closed and locked! There is no escape! He turns to see the pin-man slashing out at the Halberdiers! (50 exp)
- One of the Halberdiers blasts it with a scattershot round while the priest runs in with a massive cross and smashes it in the head! It dies, fitfully. (50 exp)
- Fredregar drags the haberdasher from behind the counter and slams him on top of it. The Halberdiers torture the guy with feathers and he screams, telling them that the cloth man was his master. (50 exp)
- Before Fredregar's horrified eyes, stitching begins zipping up and down the haberdasher's mouth and he begins to inflate with stuffing. (50 exp)
- They flee! Grabbing all the fancy clothing off the racks they can grab at short notice and looting the cash register! The bell jangles behind them as they flee. (50 exp)
--- The Church
- Dust from a stone wall rains down from the bullethole above the party's head. POWERLAD grows BIG and jump-flies right up to the belltower! The man inside yelps! (50 exp)



- POWERLAD sees the guy fall backwards, hurriedly reloading his musket. He certainly doesn't have a thousand guns. When POWERLAD seems non-threatening, he relaxes and apologises. (50 exp)
- He says he's here to hunt down Moldus Vane, an old priest who's still making mischief in the area. The rest of his crew died when the tentacles went crazy, so he fled here. He did see Isen Heisenberg fly in before the tentacle burst happened. (50 exp)
- As a matter of fact he saw exactly where Isen went - down a big pit nearby where they mined the false Raise Pearls that got sold on the black market in Fate. He points it out, it's visible from the belltower. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD jumps back down to the party and directs them towards the pit. Hacker's Halberdiers have arrived, all wearing a ridiculous number of fancy layers. One of them hands Sir Robyn the secrete he ordered, picked up in their rush to escape. (50 exp)
- On the way they pass the massive main tentacle. It's grown through a civic centre and chanting comes from within. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD decides to try something. He jumps up again, floats in front of the tentacle, and breathes his Size Breath - the whole middle portion of the tentacle shrinks to half its size, leaving a very thin piece of tentacle holding up a very large top. (50 exp)
- The top plummets, no longer held up by good strong cancer, and smashes onto the top of the hall, smashing it in! (50 exp)
- A very strange puppet-esque figure emerges from a doorway and looks up as POWERLAD darts back down to the main group. Several more follow, yammering in a strange tongue. One even floats in the air above the hall. (50 exp)
- The party hurries swiftly on. They reach the fenced-off pit, seeing a sign above the gate that says "Moondin Pearl Mining Company". (50 exp)



- They descend. At the bottom a tunnel leads underground towards a three-way fork. Lights on! Ahead, the lights refract from a body of water. The Halberdier's service dog barks loudly and voices come from one of the tunnels deeper. (50 exp)
- They head towards the voices. After some initial "stop right there!" POWERLAD steps forward. The voices are relieved! It turns out there's some guards down here who've locked themselves behind a barricade for protection. (50 exp)
- There is a rock grub queen down here, the operation disrupted by the masses of cancerous tentacles causing earthquakes all around. Apparently the false pearl technique requires rock grub eggs and "a black magical liquid" - azoth! (50 exp)
- These are the last of the guards remaining after Isen Heisenberg breathed deadly poison all over them. They fled to this bivouac to escape, especially after the rock grub larvae started hatching. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson puts his shackles back on, turning back into Coalminer Dan. Dan, an experienced miner obviously, recognises that this "mine" is clearly fake. More of a set than an actual mine. (50 exp)
- Ratimir sends out a host of rats to map the area. They come back giving info about a big grub, a body of water, and a few other things. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD asks the guards to guard the entrance for them, and they gratefully agree. (50 exp)
- Ratimir sends out more rats, mapping the whole area. One of them brings back word that there's a stairway down! Good rat. Another tells of some strange men in one of the caves. (50 exp)
- Before heading into the stairway room, POWERLAD checks the strange men with heartbeat vision. It's tremendously effective, showing hunched-over figures with pulsing painful knots of arteries protruding from their flesh. (50 exp)
- Behind POWERLAD, a horrific sound! A nightmarish squealing and howling noise ricochets down the tunnel, battering the eardrums in this enclosed space! The Bagpiper is here! (50 exp)



- At the noise, the hunched men startle. One aims something down the corridor. POWERLAD tells everyone to run! (50 exp)
- They hustle to the stairs and find that the cave in front of them is swarming with fat white maggots! They are stained purple, but the stain is already rubbing off. A great maggot behind them wriggles and hisses and coughs! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD and the Halberdier's dog are in front of the first wave. The maggots' contra-rotating teeth drill straight through the dog, splashing blood everywhere, while another manages to get its teeth into POWERLAD's chest! (50 exp)



- He punches the grub on his chest super hard, it explodes into a web spell! There is some swift arguing about who has fire and why, before Ratimir dives forward with a tinderbox and sets the web alight! (50 exp)
- The grubs caught in the blast burn, popping like popcorn. Many smaller baby grubs sizzle in the fire. Behind them the mother grub squeals, lamenting. She spits globs of acid from her spinning maw. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD jumps through the burning remains of the web, smashing a hole right through the great grub! Hacker's Halberdiers finish it off, charging in a great mob with their massive zweihanders! (50 exp)



- The big grub is chunked. Next to Mori, a very strange crossbow bolt smacks into the wall near his head. Oh no! (50 exp)
- The bolt clearly has points that lever out, making removal difficult, and a thin length of some clear wire leads back into the darkness. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD grabs the bolt and tries to pull whatever's on the end of it towards him, but the wire is cut and the line goes slack. (50 exp)
- They duck out of the line of fire, and a plaintive voice says "please please, they send me to speak to you! Don't shoot!" (50 exp)
- Rounding the corner is a man, clearly from Moondin, with his intestines teased out of a hole in his belly and knotted tightly. POWERLAD gets him to talk, he's a slave of these Knotsmen from deep in the earth. (50 exp)
- He says that they saw a dragon man heading down the way the party were going to be heading. He is convinced to follow the party, but when he tries it he's pulled back by the feet! He falls on his intestinal knot, shrieking! (50 exp)
- Fuck this, there is a life to save! Bagpipes blaring, the Halberdiers rush into the darkness! One blasts a scattershot, killing one, while Fredregar double-crits another with his massive greatsword! (50 exp)



- But something very strange happens. The man's blood-knots glow redly in the dark, and he is suddenly juuuust ducking under the deadly blade. The side of the sword slides over so so close to his skin, ripping the clothing, but the man himself is unscathed?! (50 exp)



- One of the creatures flings heavy bolas at the Extras, toppling them like ninepins, and POWERLAD leaps over the fallen with his hammer! To his dismay, the hammer shatters on the ground, the knotsman's luck holds up again! (50 exp)
- Mori throws up a Light spell, lighting the room, and the knotsmen are revealed! One has plate armour on, the others begin to withdraw. (50 exp)
- "Do not approach us! We will enslave you!" they yell, and flee to the next room. They leave their plate-and-crossbow compatriot behind. (50 exp)
- The plated man screams, hurriedly reloading his crossbow. Up close, POWERLAD can see how the armour strains against his painful knots as he weeps. (50 exp)
- One punch is all it takes, the plated knotsman dies. The body is looted, finding a crossbow and several of those strange bolts, his plate armour with rough and unpolished inner surfaces, and a long knife useful for cutting thin wire. (50 exp)
- The intestine-knot guy screams that he's been doomed. Only his master can unpick his intestine knot, and now he will starve! He cries, broken and doomed, before taking his own life. (50 exp)
Hacker's Halberdiers can be seen eating in the background, most of them look badly hurt! The party withdraws to the entrance and the safety of the guard post to rest and plan their next moves.  (50 exp)
Total: 3000 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Ace Attorney bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Antagoniser bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Breach and Clear bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Child Murderer bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Freudian bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Kill It With Fire bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- PETA bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party 
bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1200 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Caller (James / Ratimir - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard ( Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Timothy, Tom - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Kitty*2 - 200 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Charles, Timothy, Kitty - 500 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:
- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 515sp. (Sir Robyn) 

Rumours:
-

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Someone's dog

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 86868 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 7 (-35% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 39343 (Level up at 48000)-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 1 (-5% exp) --- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Octogenarian
- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 26157 (Level up at 36000)
- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 22086 (Level up at 24000)  
- Fraser / Mori, Level 5 Elf (Worriganger): 24025 (Level up at 48000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 L3 spell/day! +1 L1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
- Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers, Level 3 Extras: 4487 (Level up at 6000)
Absent or Retired:
- Issy / Sturdy, Level 2 Dwarf: 3596 (Level up at 4400)  
The Dwarfs
--- Randy, Level 4 Hench-Dwarf: 9884 (Level up at 17600)--- Gav, Level 0 Inclusion
- Ollie / Synthia,
 Level 4 Inheritor: 17135 (Level up at 18000)  
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)