Wednesday, 4 April 2018

Session 174 - Dungeons and Druggies

Descent into the underground drug den!
Lots of things happened, and after the Easter weekend I'm surprised I managed to finish this recap at all!

POWERLAD rips an eel in two.
Hacker's Halberdiers briefly have an extra named character.
Galaxy Johnson follows drug addicts into a dark alley.
Marjorie sells many hats.
Sir Robyn deals with a noise complaint.
Synthia poisons a frog.

- Timothy draws a memorial to Matt the Extra

- Ollie models Synthia!

Now some can conquer foes or sin, But 'gainst God's will, one cannot win. Bechanced our lads, when delving more, Upon a wood - oh, wait, stone door. Now'n D&D, "do what you will" Then leave it to your rolling-skill, But here the DM had been astride For too many a merry aside, And the bagpiper's piping folly Had ceased to make our DM jolly. "Fuck it," said the door's occupant, Throwing a stone - not an unoft cant In this tale of dice, but without even a pass At rolling 'gainst the unit's armour class. "Yeah Matthew's dead." By sheer will of God, Poor Matthew dropped dead like men in C.O.D. Understandably, the Hackers jumped 'cross about 5 feet, But 'gain, with ne'er a roll, and unreal speed The doorman closed the door (oh now of stone) And this should have ended this certain tome, "But nay," thought Fred. "I should get a chance To wreak my rightful, just vengeance Upon this superhuman murder-advocate Who just killed my good friend Matt." But the others were already in the other room And the DM had decided That or Doom. So whilst the extras (having the strength of five by two, On menial tasks - it's in the rules) And the man having just opened the door Gainst the bagpipes mentioned abefore Did not even give his door admission To them now, nor his friend from some other mission; That for was simply not allowed To open ever, certainly not now. This is choice in a campaign choice lacks, And I won't even get onto Rake Hacker's child Jack, Though her death was argued down to fate, Really, the DM didn't want to wait - Or Hacker himself, whose hand is said to have stuck Somehow, loctite, against the butt Of a beautiful horse of water Without even a roll to ask fer. Rather than following the story's mistive, Our lads had given "God" some mischief, And now when going across the bridge ahead Which others had crossed with minimal dread Suddenly in the water came alive A four-tongued toad of CR 5, And cos God did not have a shit to give, We didn't roll initiative, And - four fails notwithstandin' (Failing utterly to land a blow in), Somehow, now grappled were the halberdiers Deep in water up to their ears. But Young Fred's a goodly sort, And with him a zweihander brought, Upon the head of this overgrown tadpole Finally getting a chance to roll, And got the fucker locked around the head For Synthia, a newfound friend, to kill it dead. Perhaps the DM had decided karma Appeased enough to restore their armour, Or settled for a hasty sating, To prevent this now mini-Satan And his bagpiper, with a kilt on Reenacting the works of John Milton. Natheless they're freed. And now Frederegar, Who'd fought against foes near and far, The frogs' and maggots' not-quite aperitif, Left these folk to their pre-ordained narrative, And as a monk might re-illuminate A page that he doth ruminate Has faulty gilding (or indeed a bard might happen To change tune at the next-on tavern), So we leave this precise real'ty For one of more appealing fealty Where, instead of tentacles and mould, Which, let's face it, got quickly old, To El Dorado, by way of Rote, Would sail young Fred upon a boat, And see the frost-bitten metal North And eve to Grimheim sally forth There to slay the Vampire's thralls Beyond Loegria's prison walls. Oh and also that Pirate Witch. These all promised adventures which, Being left upon the rumour table, Should be achieved within the fable. That will be the final frain Of Frederegar in this certain campaign. So once you forgive my (rage quit) drama Please join me in slaught'ring mutant lllama And rediscover discov'ry's thrill In the warp stone forests of south Brazil. 
- The continued adventures of the not-at-all-irritated Halberdiers

Session 174 - Dungeons and Druggies

Campaign Date:
Saturday, 28 February, 1601
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous
Zodiac: Aquarius

New Characters:
- Marjorie, a Halfling Milliner who has been chasing rumours of a hat-loving lawyer and a crowd of well-accoutred gentlemen.

Enemies Defeated:
- A massive eel (75 exp)
- A many-headed toad hydra (250 exp)
- Several druggies (40 exp)
Total: 365 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Nothing??
Total: 0 exp

- Explored further Biohazard Zone (100 exp)
- First party to enter the Pearl Mine (200 exp)
- Explored 5 dungeon areas (100 exp)
Total: 400 exp

- In a town overtaken by dragon cultists and tentacles, down a hole, in a fake mine, the party wake up surrounded by guards. (50 exp)
- Waking up surrounded by armed guards is fine when they're on your side! Above, the gibbering of strange cultists floats down. (50 exp)
- Hacker's Halberdiers return with armfuls of nicely cooked surprisingly sausage-tasting grubs, previously cooked by flaming web. Also, Synthia arrives! (50 exp)
- The party heads downwards into the unknown depths, descending down the strange stairs found earlier. There is a clear point where the fake mine transitions into angular-walled tunnel. (50 exp)
- An underground river is reached, pouring from a four-eyed frog head. Fish occasionally slip through its batrachian lips. (50 exp)

- Indistinct voices can be heard over the rushing water, occasionally shouting with glee. Someone's down here at least. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD shutters his lantern to be sneakier. The thin beam picks out a weird guy shivering and shaking and being weird. He gibbers, clearly some sort of junkie. (50 exp)
- Beyond him is an underground lake. People on one-man floating rafts hold Make-Light glyphs to attract fish and catch them. (50 exp)
- Synthia uses her spyglass to look across the lake - there's a blocky dam with bars to let the water through. The water flows deeper in. (50 exp)
- The weird junkie guy doesn't have a floating mat to float on and asks for a mat. Matthew, a heretofore unnamed Extra, steps forward! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn trades a magically created fish to the junkie in exchange for information, some of it self-contradictory. (50 exp)
- Suddenly there is a yell of fear, on one side of the lake floating on a mat over a sunken roof a guy is shrieking that he felt an eel touch his leg! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD doesn't hesitate! He dives into the water, hulking out as he does so, and grabs the massive eel! (50 exp)
- The rest of the group hear a sound and turn to see a Halfling approach the group. Apparently she is a milliner. Hacker's Halberdiers and Sir Robyn are suddenly very interested! (50 exp)
- In the background, unheeded, electricity crackles from POWERLAD's titanic struggle with the great slippery eel. (50 exp)

- Marjorie the Halfling Milliner has followed the tales of particularly extravagant hat-loving spendthrifts into this dark dungeon. She stoked to have found them! (50 exp)
- Perhaps some warm, reversible hats might be in order for the Halberdiers? Good for keeping your ears warm when you're out of frame... (50 exp)
- POWERLAD tries to tie the eel in a knot but gets bitten by the eel's snaggly teeth. Synthia leaves the foreground and lines up a shot with her magic bow. (50 exp)
- Several arrows fly free, one barely misses POWERLAD while another hits an innocent man in the middle of the lake. He screams! (50 exp)
- Hacker's Halberdiers seem somewhat convinced about the hats, but Fredregar doesn't want to commit. At least, at first. Marjorie reaches out a hand and suddenly Fredregar's mind is under HER control! (50 exp)
- He agrees to buy many hats. Marjorie collects the cash. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn finally notices the ruckus occurring behind him and fires upon the eel! It's no problem though, POWERLAD has this well in hand. He tears the eel's jaws apart, ripping the great beast apart at the seams. (50 exp)
The ribbons of half-eel bleed into the lake, the man he saved is absolutely starstruck. (50 exp)
- The first weird junkie agrees to buy a hat, especially now that Marjorie has a crowd of extras to enforce her hat racket. He loves it! (50 exp)

- The man POWERLAD saved tells him all. Yes, there was a dragon guy who came through here and yes, he went through that portcullis over there. It should be open. (50 exp)
- Marjorie commands the Halberdiers to carry her across the water like a living raft. They do so gladly. Sir Robyn barters a License to Trade for permission to use the Halberdiers too. Business! (50 exp)

- POWERLAD swims across the lake, see as he already single-handedly killed the lake's biggest menace. (50 exp)
- Synthia beckons a man on a raft-mat over and murders him quietly, steals his mat, and drifts across. Very sneaky. (50 exp)
- Beyond the grate, lights! They are the steady pale white light of rune-lights, bobbing around behind a further portcullis gate. Nobody's investigating, but the guy POWERLAD saved is hurt and needs help! (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson is suddenly here, crawling out of whatever dark dimension he resides in when he's not around. Just in time to pay a toll to get into the dungeon proper. (50 exp)
- Yep, there's a toll for entry to this wonderful underground drug den. The guards, also clearly on drugs, say they'll accept money or drugs. They're easy. Hackers Halberdiers negotiate a bulk discount. (50 exp)
- Blood Honey and a business card for Blood Honey 4 U are proffered. While everyone's distracted, Synthia sends her remote control zombie hand to try and turn the wheel that opens the gate to no avail (50 exp)
-  Hackers Halberdiers go to shoot - but they've been swimming through water and drenched their powder. Drat! Instead, the Piper plays his pipes. Everyone hates the Piper, especially these guards. (50 exp)
- Marjorie tries to mind control a guard but is distracted by the screeching echoes of the pipes. The psychic whiplash knocks her out. Fredregar is no longer under her control, but he's chill. (50 exp)
- Synthia fires a bow through the portcullis, wounding both the guards. They flee! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn's raccoons wiggle through the bars and turn the crank. They're in! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD asks their wounded hostage where the doctors are. He's not sure, but Moldus Vane their elderly leader might be able to help! He's onwards. (50 exp)
- The hated Bagpiper is still going. I guess if he stops he'll be unavailable for the rest of the scene? Extras are weird. (50 exp)
- A door is found and an angry man with a terrible headache leans out to tell everyone to keep the noise down! (50 exp)

- When they don't, he says he's locking the door. Matt the Extra tries to speak but is killed by a thrown rock, a parting gift from the angry sleeper. He doesn't even roll for it. Soz Tom. (50 exp)
- Incensed by this roll-free injustice, the Extras attack! Unfortunately the cranky guy has already locked the door, and even the might of a piece of jerky will not allow entry. Alas. (50 exp)
- Everyone else leaves the Extras behind as they attempt to ram down the door with the guy who got hurt by the eel. Sir Robyn leaves a surreptitious advertisement for his noise complaint-related services. (50 exp)
--- Sensible People
- Ahead, the stream ends in another lake. This slightly larger with a bridge. A man with a bucket of fish guts and maggots sits on a chair near the bridge. (50 exp)
- Apparently fish guts are needed to cross the bridge. There is a great big many-headed toad monster under the bridge, and if you don't feed it it will feed on YOU! (50 exp)
- He does know the way to Isen Heisenberg's guest room though, and points the way. Apparently the guy's living down here? (50 exp)
- Marjorie arrives in the nick of time and offers to stiffen the man's hat in exchange for fish guts and passage. A good deal! (50 exp)
- Throwing the fish guts off the bridge as they go, the water below boils with multiple long-necked frog heads which devour the chum. (50 exp)
- They cross, finding that there's some sort of stilt-hut butcher with pig guts all underneath it in the tall-roofed cavern. Lights bobbing ahead come closer. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD uses his heartbeat vision and sees Isen Heisenberg's winged form beyond yonder wall. The dragon provides! (50 exp)
- The bobbing lights heading towards the party are a bunch of stoners. They're surprised to see travellers passing through, but not that surprised. (50 exp)
- They say it's probably nearly time to bang the gong, if anyone would like them to show them to the guest rooms? Policy is guests have got to stay there overnight. (50 exp)
- Suddenly, from behind, screams! (50 exp)
--- The Angry Mob
- The Halberdiers attempt to get the door open by repeatedly knocking and getting told to fuck off. Then the Piper starts up again. (50 exp)
- The racket finally jolts Marjorie from her failed mind control reverie and she approaches to help. She offers a haircut, but the guy behind the door has had enough. Marjorie wanders off to join the main group. (50 exp)
- This is a matter of pride! They keep knocking. Eventually the guy inside goes silent presumably holding a pillow over his ears to block out the noise. (50 exp)
- They try to ram down the door with the wounded fisherman, who dies when his head is pounded in. Nice. (50 exp)
- Annoyed by their lack of progress, the Halberdiers leave the guy to it. They head out across the toad bridge to rejoin the main party and - oh no! The frog heads attack! (50 exp)
- One of them manages to get its tongue wrapped around Fredregar's arm, while another sweeps the legs and sends the rest of the troupe tumbling into the water! (50 exp)

- Synthia takes the opportunity to run across, "saving" Fredregar's fancy hat as she does so! (50 exp)
- Many Extras die this day... yet there are somehow always more. Synthia jabs the one on Feedregar's wrist with her Poison Fang Attack! It works, the frog heads all slipping down into the water to hopefully die. (50 exp)

- The Halberdiers climb out of the water, they are saved! Synthia dusts off Fredregar's fancy hat and gives it back. (50 exp)
Galaxy Johnson's Side Quest
- Sir Robyn and Galaxy Johnson are chatting to the stoners with the rune-lights who are telling them about the big brass gong and the guest rooms. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson asks to see the guest rooms and they lead him off. The party is split once more! (50 exp)
- He's led to the "guest rooms" with their outer portcullis, seeing a large cavern with a bunch of drugged up fishermen and stuff. All very strange, but rather peaceful. (50 exp)
- He convinces the stoners to go ring the bed time gong while he settles in for the night. As they leave, he nips into the nearby doorway that leads towards Isen Heisenberg's room. (50 exp)
- He comes face to face with a guard, drinks some moon water to go full Elf... and there's a dramatic crash and blast of dust from Isen's room! (50 exp)
--- The Rest of the Party
- POWERLAD can see Isen's blood vessels beating through the wall, and draws himself a Take-Rock rune in order to bust his way in! (50 exp)
- He powers it on, and with the unnatural blessing of Ninhursag granting him extra power over the rune, pulls out a whole chunk of wall! (50 exp)
- Looking up from his desk, looking incredibly surprised, is Isen Heisenberg! Cliffhanger ending!! (50 exp)

Total: 3450 exp

- AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa bonus (50 exp)
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Ace Attorney bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations 
bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)
- Hard Bargain bonus (50 exp)
- Henchman Abuse bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Infamy bonus (50 exp)
- Internecine Strife bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Mind Control to Major Tom bonus (50 exp)
- Poison is OP bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Vore bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1250 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- MVP Bonus! (POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Remembrancer (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Caller (Kitty / POWERLAD  - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Ollie / Synthia - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Timothy - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Timothy*2, Andrea - 100 exp/chippo)
- Hummus Hero bonus (Andrea - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Timothy, Ollie - 500 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:
- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 515sp. (Sir Robyn) 


Death Toll and Injuries:
- Matt the Extra is kill

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 87761 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 7 (-35% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 40209 (Level up at 48000)-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 1 (-5% exp) --- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Octogenarian

- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 28168 (Level up at 36000)
- Ollie / Synthia, Level 5 Inheritor: 18646 (Level up at 36000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 Mutation Capacity! +2 Meat Points! +backstory!
- Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers, Level 3 Extras: 5598 (Level up at 6000)
- Andrea / Marjorie, Level 1 Halfling: 1111 (Level up at 2000)
Absent or Retired:
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

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