Session 395 - Sustainably Sourced GMO Wheat Goblins

 Date: 21st January 1625

Moon Phase: Third Quarter

Moon Face: Dragon-Faced Moon

Zenith Deity: The Scorned

Business Updates:

- Zeppelino's Genuine Milk has franchised! There's now an outlet in Drudgespar!

- Nines' Doomsday Loans business has collapsed due to an aggressive buyout from Julgoor! Return to claim half the stake.

- Nines' Goblin Munitions has hit an early rocky patch but remains steady. Risk is increased (possibly due to the dangerous nature of the bombs).

Events:

--- Meat-Faced Goblin Rumours

- Between sessions, Bulgur has managed to bully the party's way into a Goblin's house for the evening. He promises that they'll cook food and tell stories of the world outside Drudgespar!

- The Goblin himself has a big scar down his face that has been fixed with meat, giving him quite a hideous look. The result of an industrial accident with an Oozeblock Machine and a emergency Meat Mage magic. He's nice enough though!

- During the evening meal he tells them rumours he's heard:

> Marduk the great blue dragon roams the Wastes with a goblin city on his back, every week he warps to a random pylon and drains its energy!
> Anyone up for a classic rats in the basement quest? My shop in Visco City was overrun by the fucking things. Outsized reward to anyone who can wipe out a bunch of rats, I'm talking permanent food and board, 6000 obols on completion, and maybe an extra questline to follow! They're big mind, big and meaty, and they kept copying my voice!
> There's a place Drowntown that never had a final party, yet people keep seeing people heading in there? Might be a drug den?
> Dissident wheat-loving Goblin Buddies have seized an old growhouse Drowntown and are growing wheat-based goblins!!!

--- Dark Descent

- Drowntown? Visco City? These must be deeper parts of Drudgespar!

- Bulgur is instantly seized by the need to check out these alleged Wheat Goblins, so the party decides to go down... down into Drowntown.
- On the way they see some other shops, including a hat shop and a potion seller! They also find a warehouse that will stable horses and wagons for a fee, which they duly accept.

- They also discover that there's basically a Julgoor shop at every corner in the Buildup. The greed demon is doing well! The shopkeeper-Julgoor is usually a Goblin, but in the darkness behind is an ominous writhing...
- They find a way down (they're not signposted, but easily found) to Drowntown and descend. As the gunge rises it takes over the buildings, forcing the Goblins to build upwards and forming the relatively gunge-free Buildup - the main city.
- Drowntown is on the edge of this transformation - slippery gunge puddles on the floor, and light from above is blocked out by the rising city. It's a place of parties as people give a final farewell to their old homes, and a place of industry as the ever-pumping Oozeblock Machines transform the rising ooze into the purple-veined black bricks that build the walls of this place.

- While they're searching for the Wheat Goblin location, they witness a minor disaster! Gunge breaches through a retaining wall and drowns a street in thigh-height gunk. Unsuspecting goblins are caught in the flow and drown in the tar. It's a fact of life down here, and since the Bud-Goblins are easily replaceable it's no big tragedy.

--- At the Sign of the Wheatsheaf

- After navigating switchbacks, collapsed streets, and asking for directions more times than strictly necessary, they find their way to a collapsing warehouse. There are sheafs of wheat - real wheat! - flanking the main doors, although a couple of other entrances have fallen in as the warehouse succumbed to the rising black goop.

- Bulgur marches straight through the front door and declares himself their King! In front of him is a barricade of wheat bushels and armed goblins!
- The inside of the warehouse is a mess - channels have been dug through the rising goop, but it's clear that this won't last.
- The goblins seem confused... they already have a king!
- Meanwhile Nines is making his way onto the roof. All the struts and scaffolding that support the Buildup above make it easy, but noisy.

- A goblin approaches but mocks at the idea of a "meatoid" being a King of Goblins. Bulgur grabs him by the neck and flings him over the barricade!

--- Nines Prepares to Assassinate Another Local Community Leader

- Above, Nines has found a massive collapse in the roof. He's looking down at a proper field of wheat, supplied by real water. Pale yellow wheat-coloured Goblins, wheat literally growing up their spines, are tending to the crops. The wheat grows thicker with their tread. It looks like it's really working! He even sees a giant "Wheatsel", a sort of wheat-topiary in the shape of a huge weasel, being led through the fields.
- He screws together his flintlock sniper rifle - it's a perfect sniper perch. Below, he sees Bulgur rush in and demand to see the enemy king! He also sees the Wheatsel released from its chains. It bounds towards Bulgur!

- Nines sights down the gun. He could fire... but he could also save the element of surprise for the Wheat King when he arrives...
- It's no real issue. Bulgur absolutely destroys the Wheatsel with a single blow from the Pumpkinhead Axe!
- The Wheat-Goblins fall to their knees. This was foretold! The Reaper King is here!

--- The Lair of the Wheat King

- The King is not forthcoming, so Bulgur decides to do it himself.
- He strides forth, a cowed wheat goblin before him, the rest of the party at his back.
- Nines crawls through vents, classic style.
- The main group follow until they make it to the throne room! Nines peeks out from a vent above.
- On a throne of wheat, a Great Wheat Goblin sits interwoven. In the corner of the room, behind a curtain of hanging wheat, there is a glimmer of gold.
- Bulgur declares himself the King of Wheat! There is a standoff. This goblin considers himself to be the Grower King, the equal-and-opposite to the Reaper King represented by Bulgur. The Grower King will grow his power here, then soon go off to take over the Wheatlands as the true king!
- The Idea of Wheat does not imply the use of wheat - it merely wishes to be grown! Reaping the wheat is surplus to requirements!
- Bulgur declares a trial by combat! The Grower King asks him who his champion shall be. Kings do not fight, you see.

--- Champions of the Wheat Throne

- The Grower King sends forth his wheat golem! A goblin grown monstrous through his access to the power of wheat! The Reaper King sends forth... 4 goblins in a trenchcoat, courtesy of Zeppelino. Each holding a bomb sourced from Goblin Munitions, courtesy of Nines.
- It's not a fair fight. The suicide bombers win instantly at the cost of their own lives.
- Debate resumes. It was an equal victory, so surely equality between the Kings?
- The Grower King proposes an alliance, sealed with a marriage! He'll marry one of his wheat goblin children to the Reaper King's child!

- Bulgur has no kids, but he raise cows back in the day. It transpires that a cow-child is completely valid! The goblins don't draw much of a difference between meatoids, you see.

- It's agreed with no additional violence. Phew!
- They decide to check out this "rats in the basement" rumour, heading down below Drowntown and into Visco City beneath. They seek Glorpon's Weapon Hole. They ask about the deeper city and are told the directions to the main way in.

-- Deep House

- Visco City is, to its inhabitants, the "real Drudgespar". Lesser people build up and away from the sludge. The brave people of Visco City don't abandon their homes, they reinforce them! The gunge rises, yet they remain. Alas, it's liable to collapse at any time due to the evil Dwarves who are undermining everything the goblins have built.

- They reach the main (or possibly the only, due to sludge breaches) entrance to Visco City. Oozeblock stairs go down to enclosed rooms. It's dungeon vibes down here. The walls are shored up against the rising tide of gunge and weave through old streets and older homes.

- The first thing they notice is a rhythmic unce-unce-unce. Oh yea baby, it's like the Zion rave down here. A goblin in a deep pool of black goo, dripping and reforming bodyparts, tells the confused meatoids that the shops are that way, Da Clurb is that way, and over that way is a machine that leads deeper. Zeppelino touches the slime. He can't quite get it off!
- Of course the only real option is the rave. Bulgur barges through without checking his weapons (bad vibes) while everyone else divests of their murder stuff at the cloakroom.
- It's a fucken RAVE baby! Goblins are noshing their chops off hyped up on Unmandy! Smoke and lights and a beat you can feel in your chest! 

--- Dff *tiss* dff *tiss* dff *tiss* dff *tiss* 

- Bulgur is spotted a mile off by a dude who's just there to sell Unmandy. Our resident Barbarian is very obviously not a cop and paints his gums with powder (the first one is free, of course). His inner eye opens and... oh shit, everyone here is a person with a life as beautiful and rich as his own. The music sings in his veins and then...
- The drop hits.
- It's like being gut-punched by the sun.
- Meanwhile Manrat has found the chillout room. A goblin says calming meditative stuff to people who are either relaxed or asleep. Lots of skin contact in here. There's also lootable stuff - a small keg of sour beer, a bag of rock salt, a bag of unrefined copper ore. These are quietly removed. There's also a goblin corpse (he ain't breathing) which Nines absorbs and turns into an additional minion.
- Meanwhile Nines is scurrying after a "murder dealer" that he heard offering services. He follows said dealer down a corridor, finding a sort of Korean fusion place run by goblins.
- There's also a bar and... a Dwarf?! I thought they hated Dwarves here?!?

- Turns out this Dwarf is "one of the good ones" and is well-liked by the regulars! He gives Zeppelino some alcohol to try and wash the gunk off his palms. It's not really working. It's like the gunk is trying to avoid being cleaned...

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures:

- Small keg of sour beer (200 exp)
- Bag of Rock Salt (200 exp)
- Bag of Unrefined Copper Ore (200 exp)
Total: 600 exp

Foes Defeated:

- The Wheatsel, splatted. (50 exp)
- The Wheat King, mollified. (750 exp)

Total: 800 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster & Quartermaster (300 exp/level)
- Kitty the Expedition Leader & Vanguard (200 exp/level)
- George the Cartogrpaher & Chef (200 exp/level)

Exp Total:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 34035 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 28435 (Level up at 32000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 21001 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 21168 (Level up at 28000)

Session 394 - Burg-to-Burg Scorpion-as-a-Service Investment Opportunity

 Date: 13 January 1625

Moon Phase: Full Moon
Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Minerva

Returning Characters:

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Hasn't seen wheat in months.
- Brie van der Hells, Necromancer. Strange minions.

- Manrat Snels, Ratman. Surprisingly shrewed.

- Nines, Inheritor. Trying his best to map the place.

- Nostradama, Nonanist Cleric. Slightly scammable.

- Zeppelino, Goblin. Extremely scammable.

New Backstory:

- Zeppelino helped run a theatrical troupe out of town when they passed through Drudgespar, out into the deadly then-poisonous Wastes. The crime? Wearing greenface. The troupe may have ended up being part of Manrat's backstory... Once per session, force a morale check to fail.

Events:

--- Wheat Proselytisers

- It's morning in the Goblin city of Drudgespar, the capital of the Drudge Wastes. Built on the inside of a huge ever-sinking and ever-growing inverted cone, most of the city has accreted down the very bottom. From their vantage in a house high up on the sides, looking down at the main city looks like peering at buildings collected at the bottom of a bucket. Floating above, connected by a web of rigging, float the balloons and blimps of the upper classes.
- Still, there's not much going on high up in the Skirts at the rim of the city. They want to see the sights and meet the people down below!
- They head down, and it's only a couple of storeys before they see something interesting. Goblins in straw hats distributing leaflets and talking about the "Idea of Wheat!"

- Bulgur rushes over! Wheat! Good clean wheat! He takes a wheat sample and looks it over - it's perfectly ordinary but old. He looks at the pamphlet. It says "Join us and help us to grow wheat!"

- The goblin, upon hearing the Bulgur knows about wheat, is overjoyed! He takes him to the "Grainhall" - a dingy little house with a thin layer of soil, very little light, and a small printing press. It becomes apparent that "help us grow wheat" was a cry for help - they really want to grow wheat but they don't know how!
- They teach Nines to power runes (finally!) and he plays around with them. It becomes apparent that the Earth and Mass runes simply don't work any more, and that rune-created materials (like water) fade back into component rune-elements after a while. At least they can demonstrate with rune-water! Between that, Nines' soil-generation mutation, and some insights into sunlight, they're good to go!

- Nostradama preaches the good word of Minerva to these Goblins. The Idea of Wheat is inherently hierarchical, these goblins currently live under the lords in the rigging. Nostradama persuades them to obey a higher calling - the Gods themselves! They are totally persuaded! Manrat, proclaiming himself a Knight of Mars, pledges his sword and his protection of the new wheat farmers.

--- Lore Dump

- Sufficiently converted and persuaded by the party, the Goblins are friendly and count them as allies!

- They hear some rumours:

-- Down in the Buildup, the Magic Emporium has been advertising cool new constructs!
-- In Bucketsides there's a copse of Brackling saplings that's eating people!
-- Out on the south coast, near Grasp, some Dwarves a digging around the pylon there. Manrat surmises that the party's been there already.
-- Meat Mages down in the Buildup are busy animating a giant scorpion! If they succeed it will destroy the city!
-- Skimmers are iron-skid vehicles designed to slide right over the ferrofluid flats. As luck would have it, they've got one for sale for 10 000 obols!
-- Every Pyramid has a dungeon 12 layers deep beneath it. Get to the bottom and you can reach the control room that converts the Earth into a cosmic battleship!

- Asked about the broken Pyramid outside the city, the Goblins declare that it was destroyed by the Dwarves a thousand or more years ago. Even now the Dwarves try to sabotage Drudgespar from below.

- The levels of the city the Goblins know about are, in descending order, the Rigging, the Skirts, Bucketsides, and finally the main city layer is called the Buildup.
- Manrat hires a Goblin squire, since he is a Knight of Mars and all.

--- Down Down to Goblin-Town

- Nines has been told in no uncertain terms that they'll all need a passport - a green armband - to stay in this city without a Goblin escort. It's fine for now since Zeppelino seems to have them under control, but who can say whether he'll vanish off to Peru or something?
- As such they head down the various lifts, stairways, and interlocking pathways. There's no central design, but Manrat's guide can sort of muddle along.
- On the way down through Bucketsides they see groves of hibernating Bracklings and the occasional well-guarded giant peapod in well-tended gardens. The sides get the sunlight, so they grow all their people here.
- They reach the Buildup and it's a proper classic multiracial and cosmopolitan fantasy city! Goblins mill about, towered over by the occasional human or towering winter brackling. Cottony flying Brack-pixies flit about overhead. The houses and shops are ramshackle, always building on top of deeper levels as the city fights to build its way away from the stinking gunge of the wastes.

--- Mutations, Anyone?

- They pass a human with a fleshy machine who is crying out for volunteers. Mutations! Mutations! Who wants a mutation? He'll even pay you to help him! The human himself has a ring of seven noses growing around his head.

- Nines takes him up on it, gets a mushroom-head mutation, and immediately adds it to his Inheritor powers. Good edge case!

- They ask directions and head towards the passport office. It's down a long long tunnel towards the outside, but after a while they reach it! Turns out that Zeppelino's presence means they just give out the armbands, no questions asked. Neat! They're warned that a huge giant appeared last night, according to the guards, and then vanished in a puff of steam! Now what could that mean?

--- Wait, He's a Pervert!

- They go back towards the mutation man and... huh?? He's gone!
- Nines and Brie investigate strange sounds down an alley and find the mutation man is a horrible pervert! The mutations were just a way for him to derive disgusting pleasure!

- They murder him, Brie takes his last breath, Nines digests him and turns him (via convoluted mutational means) into a doppleganger minion who goes off to return to society.

--- Shopping Trip

- Zeppelino, meanwhile, is at the market. He finds sourdough, tins of beans, jars of pickled onions, and "ferro-truffles", a sort of shiny fungus found at the edge of ferrofluid rivers. He'll take the lot!

- Manrat is asking locals what the reward for killing the Meat Mages with the scorpion is. There isn't one! They're normal citizens, refugees who fled the Meatlands as it was subsumed by the Wheatlands!
- The party meets back up and decide to investigate the scorpion anyway. Giant scorpions are way cool.

--- Series B Scorpion Funding Round

- They reach the scorpion and it is very much a GIANT scorpion. We're talking the size of a small house here! The city has built around it to an extent, such that the great sting it sticking out of a set-back upper storey and the face (plus artistic extra jaws) is poking out into the street.
- Manrat sends a rat to scout. It's nice for rats in there!
- Nines and Bulgur approach the door and OH NO! A TRAP! Jaws slam shut around them, holes making it so they're being held by the fake jaws!
- A hulking but very pink man with an extra arm on his left side emerges from the door. Evidently a Meat Mage. He's... very apologetic! Those jaws were designed for goblin-sized investors! He apologises for hurting Bulgur, and invites everyone inside... for an investment presentation!
- Yes this is indeed the perfect time to invest in GRAKTIL! THE CITADEL THAT WALKS!!

- He tells them the business plan. They found this giant exoskeleton in the wastes, hollowed out by poison. They will animate the scorpion with specialised meat machinery and extort tribute from towns all over the wastes!
- The USP? They've got some elementals of elements quite high up the periodic table on board (and literally on board, in the stinger) and they'll be able to use their power to project some god damn Lanthanides at anyone who tries to get in their way!

- Zeppelino is absolutely sold and invests 1000 obols in the venture. He gets a tour. Goblin-free workforce (to build trust with the community, of course) and some access to some high-secrecy knowledge of what they're feeding the leg mechanisms etc.
He comes back and Nostradama eventually goes in too with 200 obols to get her foot in the door, access to Class A stocks, etc etc.

--- Let's Get Cooking!

- They leave, mollified by the business opportunity and promise of business-to-business Scorpion-as-a-Service sales.

- Nines is inspired by the sheer BUSINESS ACUMEN and heads to the nearest Julgoor Store (feels like there's one on every corner) to start a new business venture. Goblin Munitions. Using the grey clay ceramic he's got on hand, he's going to corner the market on extremely volatile and very dangerous bombs.

- Meanwhile we finish up with a cooking minigame. I don't know if we established exactly where but we'll deal with that next session.
- Nostradama is the chef and she cooks the surprisingly delicious and very filling "Good Hearty Meal". Containing Sourdough, Milk, a Manrat-supplied Rat, Pickled Onion and a dash of Melancholy Berry... it's very good! So good in fact that it gives everyone an Encumbrance bonus the next day!

Total: 9000 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer, and Quartermaster (300 exp/level) 

- Ollie the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level) 

- Charles the Paymaster (100 exp/level) 

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level) 

- Zoë the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Total:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 29935 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 25835 (Level up at 32000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 17901 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 18068 (Level up at 28000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 4 Necromancer: 17468 (Level up at 18000)

- Zoe / Nostradama, Level 4 Cleric of Nonanism: 9343 (Level up at 18000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Faith! +1d6 Healing! +Backstory!

Session 393 - Welcome to Drudgespar!

 Date: 7 January 1625

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Oberon

Returning Characters:

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Barbarian, former cowherd.

- Brie van der Hells, Necromancer, different minions than expected.

- Manrat Snels, Ratman, possible missing link.
- Nines, Inheritor, shapeshifting cart-tracker.
- Nostradama, Nonanist Cleric still trying to get to grips with her powers.
- Zeppelino, Goblin, returning home.

New Backstory:

- Manrat Snels father was a strange psalm-spewing statue in the Wastes, via a post-apocalyptic cult that worshipped him in strange and secretive ways. Adam Snels himself, said statue, was a depressed alcoholic as a result. +2 Con.

- Zeppelino had a clutch of Bud-Goblins who were creepily obsessed with him, so he fled! His flying machine led to his crashing in the Wastes, where he met the party. If an enemy has an equal chance of who to attack, they won't target you.

Events:

--- It's Time for Business!

- The party re-emerge from the milky Christmas Special portal and find themselves back in the Red Elf bubble-town built around the reality-mining Marlingspike.
- The first order of business is... set up some businesses! New business rules go!
- Nines forms "Doomsday Loans" - a Wild risk business - with 2500 obols.
- Zeppelino forms "Zeppelino's Genuine Milke (Non Fraudulent)" - a Wild risk business - with 500 obols.

- We also establish that Brie van der Hells owns a rental property in Bunkertown - a Safe risk business - worth 1700 obols. Alas, it seems this month the value has gone down, possibly due to various shenanigans in Bunkertown.

--- Just What Is a Marlingspike?

- They ask around (cheerfully failing to comment on the giant sized Tiny Tim that Brie brought back from Muppet Christmas) about whether other Marlingspikes have towns around them. The answer is yes... occasionally. Others are visited by travelling Red Elves. All discharge once a month though.

- Manrat, the only Red Elf Religion (Quislism) convert of the group, gets some quests from the Red Elf he's badgering. Either bring the brain of a Deep One frog monster, or 43 human sacrifices so that they can be thrown into a pit in the north during a ritual.

--- Where Next?

- The party decides where to go next. Two big cities hold their interest, as does the promise of exploring the mysterious Underways below the wastes.
- They hold a vote, and Bulgur tie-breaks. To Drudgespar!

- Everyone's got some sort of mount, whether living beast or bone-construct, except for poor Nostradama who is poor and on foot. They buy her a mount! Such solidarity!

--- Into the Snow

- With that they head of into the snow. Winter days are short and the exploration mechanics aren't so good when it's a bunch of mounted people on separate steeds, so there is some swift recalibration.
- It's hard to get lost anyway, since they're following the edge of the ferrofluid marshes. On the map they are rivers, but up close it's more of a Swamps of Sadness or Dead Marshes vibe.

- Over the course of hours they ride together and have idle chatter. Nines and Nostradama have developed a friendly rivalry. Manrat and Brie have had some sort of unfriendly spat and are now emotionally entangled.

- In the middle-distance they see the spire of a church! Also on the way but somewhat in another direction, sucking grey clay flats.

--- It's Like the Mould All Over Again (it's not, I swear)

- Nines goes off alone, accompanied only by a couple of Zeppelino's goblins, to get some of the wet grey clay. Everyone else thinks the church sounds better. Manrat hopes it's Denialists, his father was a Denialist you see.
- Nines finds that the clay is wet and malleable, somewhat acidic, and absorbs moisture like nobody's business. He takes a whole lot as trade goods.
- The others approach the church and find that it's actually a monastery in a classical Nonanist style. Down the slope beyond is a village of little houses, hill-shaped like hobbit holes, with cheery lights coming from within. The ground is firm and has a number of white threads all through it.
- Bulgur knocks a powerful Barbarian knock at the monastery door (echoes of Lindisfarne). The doors open and reveal... no-one! But oh, look down, it's a Halfling in priestly robes! Elderly but with a sharp beard shave.
- Bulgur stumbles back when he realises that the Halfling-priest has mycellial fibres stretching from his back into the darkness! It's a Toasted One!
- The others see, down in the town, that all of the villagers have exited their homes and are looking up towards the monastery with hollow eyes.

- The party RUN!!! Back on the horses! Back into the wastes! No more threads! Never again!

--- Welcome to Drudgespar!

- They meet up with Nines as the sun sets and the weather starts to turn - no longer snowfall, it's the Mushroom Slush of winter. Fast-growing fungus snakes up from the cold ground, escaping the snow.
- It gets into bags and winds up legs, but in a lovely turn of events is not interested in biological orifices in the way that Zeppelino was worried/excited about.

- Nines utilises the ground-firming abilities he stole from a dead tree monster to assist the party in getting across the Ferrofluid Fens in the dark.
- Soon they reach the walls of Drudgespar! Like a great drill plunging into the ground, the inverted cone of the city walls disappear up into the heavens. Lights and fires glimmer on the far-away lip. Back in the fens they hear a sound like a woodchipper, and decide to move swiftly on to find an entrance.

--- The Colossal Timtan

- Rather than finding an entrance, Brie has a better idea!
- With the power of CHRISTMAS NONSENSE, Tiny Tim the little frog muppet grows to a COLOSSAL SIZE!!

- He puts the whole party gently on the top of the walls as goblins flee in terror! After five years... it has returned!

- The party look down over Drudgespar. An inverted cone, hollow, endlessly building up, endlessly sinking. Far below is the city proper, the bottom of a huge bowl made of structures endlessly climbing on top of each other. Buildings crust the inner walls, tapering down and down. Above, connected by a mesh of ropes and rigging, are zeppelins and balloons floating far above the city below.

- It's the Goblin Capital, the Sinking City of the Wastes. They're finally here.

- One thing though... how do they get down?

--- Drop and Definitely Do Not Roll

- Horns are blaring out along the wall as the guards sound the alarm. Other horns take up the sound, the further away the more staccato the horn-blasts.
- Tiny Tim vanishes in a puff of pine-scented Christmas Steam and takes up residence on Brie's shoulder.

- The party hustle along the wall in the opposite direction to the way the guards fled. They soon come to a guardpost - a thin bed, a crossbow on the wall, and... good god what is it? It's... it's... a jar of pickled onions! They are way more impressed by this than the crossbow, which they also take.
- They also find the hatch with a ladder down. It descends to a poorly lit street, high up the wall. The street is clearly just the tops of houses built up from far below. No matter, it's a thoroughfare.
- A Goblin called Bigins sees them and after talking respectfully to Zeppelino invites them into its house. It's surprising to see non-goblins up here! He's definitely a Bud-Goblin, not a controller Hobgoblin, and there are others like him in the house. Zeppelino's bud-goblins go over to chat, speaking in Goblin Ergot.
- Bulgur can speak Ergot for some reason - the limited language of the Bud-Goblins - and hears the way they talk about their masters. He also eats almost all of the guest rite canapes.

--- A Nice Dinner to End the Session

- Given that their clothes are full of Slush Fungus, and that the goblins know that you can just throw your clothes out into the cold in the evening to get rid of it, they all get naked and wear the filthy rags of their hosts. Bulgur lets it all hang out, of course.

- Manrat cooks the very well named "Bowl with Diced Stuff in It" - Slopworm, Pumpkin, Pickled Onion, Slush Mushroom, Rat. It gives them extra oomph when running away... but also gives people some bad stomach cramps. It remains to be seen what that means for tomorrow...

Total: 10000 exp

Treasure Looted:

- A crossbow
- A jar of pickled onions

Roles:

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster, Cartographer AND Quartermaster (400 exp/level)5

- Kitty the Expedition leader (100 exp/level)5

- Ollie the Vanguard (100 exp/level)4
- George the Chef (100 exp/level)5

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 28435 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 24335 (Level up at 32000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 16401 (Level up at 32000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +Goblin! +Backstory!

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 16568 (Level up at 28000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 4 Necromancer: 15968 (Level up at 18000)

- Zoe / Nostradama, Level 3 Cleric of Nonanism: 7843 (Level up at 9000)

Session 392 - The Muppets Christmas Special

Date: 25 December 1624

Moon Phase: Merry and Bright

Moon Face: Clean as the Driven Snow

Zenith Deity: Saint Nicholas

Returning Characters:

- Nines, played by Michael Caine

- Bulgur, played by a muppet with thick woolen hair and bright blonde skin.

- Brie played by an inverse Miss Piggy with green skin and pink hair.

- Manrat played by Rizzo the Rat

- Zeppelino played by Oscar the Grouch

Events:

--- Gifflewim's Christmas Surprise!

- Despite being in the middle of the Red Elf bubble-city, a more fearsome magic emerges before the party! It's Gifflewim, appearing out of a milky portal!
- There's a problem in New Moondin. The economy is built on the Greed Demon Julgoor, and he needs a ready supply of Greed to keep it going. The lynchpin of this greed is one Mr Scrooge, but they've got intel that he'll be visited by three spirits in the night and undermine the whole system!
- Go to New Moondin and stop the spirits, he begs you!

- It's a Christmas Special so of course everyone's in!

--- You there boy, what day is it?

- They emerge from the portal into New Moondin!... But not as the players knew it. Most of the town are muppets now, and there's a snowy and Victorian vibe. Muppet spider-kids amble past and the townsfolk seem to be fairly ok with their muppety situation.
- Good lord, the party are muppets now! They can teleport by ducking behind objects! All of them that is except for Nines who is played by Michael Caine! He shall be known as Michael Nines in this recap because there are two Michael Caines.

- They witness a different and more Scrooge-like Michael Caine (who I shall denote Scrooge) asking a passing muppet what day it is from the window above Julgoor's. 

- They also witness Bob Cratchit played by Kermit the Frog, lamenting his horrible boss and clearly filled with fatherly love over his lovely yet crippled child Tiny Tim.

--- Christmas Past

- They witness the best song of Marley and Maaaarrley oOooOooOoo, then are taken (unbeknownst to Scrooge) with the Ghost of Christmas Past to Scrooge's past. They witness his early life in the Ferfect Fried Chicken shop, under the spidery foreleg of Colonel Chicken.
- Michael Nines learns the lesson of not inflicting the trauma of your upbringing on your employees, perhaps?

--- Christmas Present
- They're back in the present now! A fair clip!
- Brie disappears behind a wall and teleports to Bob Cratchit's house. She's got a plan (it involves Necromancy).
- Scrooge is taken to see Bob Cratchit's happy but poor family and.. what's this??? Tiny Tim's bones have been healed by Repair Skeleton! But it worked too well!

- Tiny Tim is now KAIJU TIM! He roars!

- The Cratchit's house is on fire! Oh no!

- It becomes increasingly unclear whether the Michael Caines are separate entities!

---Christmas Yet to Come

- They arrive in the future and must battle the final spirit! It rolls dice in advance and replaces them at will, very meta.
- Luckily they manage to charm it, and it stops fighting. The future has been defeated...?

- But lo, it's Kaiju Tim! They shoot him in the head.

- They take Tiny Tim's Last Breath.
- A zombie eats the giant brain and becomes HYPER-INTELLIGENT and SUPER-RAVENOUS!!!
- I'm unsure what the implications are I'll have to ask tonight.
- The corpse of Tiny Tim is Raised to become the collosal zombie Titan Tim. Has 1HP but will fall on his attacker(s) for 18d8 damage, save vs blast for half.

--- Christmas Presents

- The day is saved! As far as we can tell, Scrooge didn't learn his lesson in all the chaos, so Julgoor is happy.
- Gifflewim admits that the town is muppets due to him triggering a Muppet Bomb a while back. He had good intentions - New Moondin was overrun by fascists and the best way to resist arbitrary executions was to turn everyone into unkillable muppets.
- Unclear if this is a permanent thing or just for Christmas.
- Thankfully, presents! Everyone gets to roll for random rewards (and additionally get 1992 obols each from Gifflewim for saving capitalism).

- Next time, back to the Wastes!

Total:  7000 exp

Foes Defeated:

- Tiny Tim (0 exp)

- Titan Tim (500 exp)
- The Spirit of Future Yet to Come (200 exp)

Total: 700 exp

Stuff Claimed:

- Brie:

-- 1992 obols (1992 exp)

-- Deed for a house in Bunkertown's Northfell district  - 1700 obol Safe Investment

-- Vial of Unholy Water

- Bulgur:
-- 1992 obols (1992 exp)
-- Book #108: The Twinned Cities (100 exp)
-- Potion #127: Ultra-Healing

-- Potion #111: Climbing

-- Hobby Horse that works as an actual steed!

-- Manrat:

- 1992 obols (1992 exp)
- Electro-Bomb

- Coward's Aegis: Shield molded into a fearful face; -2 to hit; when hit you teleport 10' backwards; Shield Break to teleport to first threshold crossed this session.

-- Nines:
- 1992 obols (1992 exp)
- Grey elf ear pierced by a golden earring (1152 exp)
- Potion #156, labelled in French

-- Zeppelino:
- 1992 obols (1992 exp)

- Floating toy doll that is the long-lost toy of an underworld monarch
- Hand Box: Box containing shrivelled human hand; put a fresh hand in the box to heal 1d6.

Total: 11212 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 24768 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 22168 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 14401 (Level up at 28000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! A whopping 25 Rats!  +Backstory!

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 4 Goblin: 14734 (Level up at 16000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 4 Necromancer: 13901 (Level up at 18000)

Session 391 - Bubble City

Date: 26 November 1624

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Pocked Face

Zenith Deity: Alaunus

Returning Characters:
Brie van der Hells, Necromancer. The Bone Detector has logged on.

Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Barbarian. Now impossibly good at tossing.

Manrat Snels, Ratman. Cave enjoyer.

Nines, Inheritor. Alleged infant theft enthusiast.

Zeppelino, Goblin. Sweatshop inhabitor.

New Backstory:

- Zeppelino ran away from the sweatshop manufactory he was raised within, and in so doing he fell into a hole! Thankfully his pod-brother saw him begin to fall and clasped his hand. 
- Manrat chased a troupe of evil (and ethnically diverse don't worry about it) circus performers into a cave. When they refused to die in said cave, he chased them into a deadly post-apoc storm.

- Bulgur Son of Borgar earned his position of cow-wrangler via pure natural skill AND long-term training and knowledge. Perfect cowboy! The cows loved him! Alas, he abused his managerial status. +2 Int.

- Nines stole candy from a baby in a very literal sense. The baby didn't know who did it, the parents didn't know who did it, and yet the candy was gone. +1 Sleight of Hand

- Brie van der Hells discovered that her prom date asked her out from pity. When he leaned in for a kiss... the zombie she'd just summoned kissed back. The zombie ate him. We will never know his true intentions. Once per session, an NPC makes a romantic advance.

Events:

--- Sweet November Rain

- We open on the party outside, having finally decided to leave the Halfling village of Bunkertown.

- A sustained drizzle welcomes them to the outer wilds. It still sucks out here, but today they have agency. The world is theirs to mess with!

- They said they wanted to head towards Grendel, a big clockpunk town to the northeast, but on the way they spy a Marlingspike - one of the big knitting-needle towers of the Red Elves - and head there instead.

--- This is the Pit

- They travel across the overworld towards the landmark which is the Marlingspike (ie. can't get lost) and find themselves at the edge of a great pit.
- Zeppelino declares that this is some sort of alien mine from a former era. Sure?
- It's long, it's wide, it's deep. Classic strip mine situation. Nobody's mining it now in any case.
- They head off, yearning for the mines.

-- 117 Rainbow Beam Pierces the Heavens

- Did I mention that the light from the Marlingspike is a prismatic beam that pierces the clouds and ascends to the heavens? Not soon enough apparently. For what it's worth, the light from the Marlingspike is a prismatic beam that pierces the clouds and ascends to the heavens.

- The rain becomes mist.
- Our heroes perceive the Marligspike and the town thereof. It's a town of bubbles. Big bubbles. Big enough to live in were you a human-sized entity or nearabouts. In the centre of the town, the Marlingspike warps reality around itself. Defences are shifted.

- Nines and Brie go stealth. They do not wish to be perceived. The rest strut into town like this is normal.

--- The Church Beckons

- There's a sound like a bunch of jazz instruments doing a jam session. It's a jazz bass call to prayer!

- Fuck yea let's go to church! The church is a much bigger bubble than the houses! It's also frosted like frosted glass, but only below head height!
- Within the bubble it's kind of a church. It's an in-the-round setup, central island stage surrounded by pews. An altar in the very centre of the central stage. Two Red Elves standing in the middle of the stage, turning and hamming it up. Real straight man-funny man double-act vibe.
- Also at least one is Italian. Horrifying.

- The main Elf talks about the town. It's a mining town. They're very grateful to everyone for coming tonight. Very happy to see you all. That sort of thing!
- The prayers themselves are in Red Elvish, it's like going to a Latin Mass.

- The theme is life in death, death in life. Your life has no meaning without death, your death has no meaning with no life.
- Zeppelino spies some Goblins and goes to sit with them. They reject him for being too Goblin. They've accepted the Red Elvish ways and now shun the Goblin Religion.

--- Manrat Conversion Comes Up Against My Unpreparedness
- Manrat Snels, after talking to a Red Elf (name of Aelthrandiii'iiir) and considering his options, decides to becomes a convert to the Red Elf faith. Alas, I hadn't prepared for this despite this being a foreseeable outcome to the scenario. After a week there's now a Red Elf religion! Join today!

- The Red Elf that Manrat is talking to offers him a vial of "Red Cream". The first taste is free, apparently!

- The Goblins near Zeppelino judge that he's considering joining their Red Elf religion and offer shopping services. Also Red Cream is available for 500 obols and it becomes inert every time the Marlingspike surges at the end of the month. Immortality for an ongoing subscription! Who could say no??

- Meanwhile Nines never even entered the Church bubble and approaches the Marlingspike. It surges with rainbow energies.
- He vomits up a copy of himself and makes it touch the Marlingspike. The copy is immediately sucked into the skyborne energy. This is... concerning.

--- Welcome to the Suck

- On the stage, in the bubble church, a Red Elf is being murdered. It's the funny man to the straight man. Fans turn on in the stage as the straight man's knife comes down on the funny man's breastbone.
- The sacrifice turns into red salt and the salt is sucked down below the stage via the fans. Big surprise for the new folks!
- Bulgur runs at the stage in shock! Surely this isn't the plan! The priest nods solemnly and offers to take the party below to the processing chamber...

--- The Processing Chamber

- Bulgur follows the priest to the processing chamber. It's a big machine behind a big glass window that mixes the red salt with various reagents to create "Red Glop". Concerning. Looking into this.
- They fuck around with the chamber for a while. Eventually it becomes clear that it's not really a real machine, just a big nonsense thing that they show to newbies to make it look impressive.
- The party chokes the Red Elf priest to death. Brie seizes their Last Breath for necromancy reasons.
- The doors lock. After a while, the same Red Elf priest unlocks the door and walks in like nothing happened. He remembers his murder though!
- The priest seems kinda chill about all this? Also has a big puffy choke-resistant neck now. No worries.

- Manrat asks what happens if one touches the Marlingspike. Apparently it sends every branching timeline version of you up to the moon, but due to the Wheel of the Gods being back to full power only about 2% of the energies actually make it up there. Hmmm.

--- To the Shops!

- Zeppelino informs everyone that shopping is available now! Via his Goblin friends!

- Manrat tries borrowing loadsa money from Julgoor (the Greed demon, who is in town, who runs the shops) and then snorting some Red Dust to break his promises to pay it back. These mind tricks don't work on him, only money.

- Turns out Red Cream is useful and Red Glop isn't.
- Zeppelino acquires some Heavy Metal Stew from his goblin friends - it's full of arsenic and beloved by Blue Goblins apparently.

Total: 9000 exp

Roles:

- Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)
- Charles the Caller and Paymaster (200 exp/level)

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Chef (100 exp/level)

No murders or thefts, surprisingly!

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 20985 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 18385 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 4 Ratman: 10618 (Level up at 14000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 4 Goblin: 10951 (Level up at 16000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 4 Necromancer: 10118 (Level up at 18000)
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +Free Spell! +1 Mana! +Backstory!

Session 390 - Rats on Cocaine

 Date: 19 November 1624

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face

Zenith Deity: The Dead God

Returning Characters:

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Barbarian. Not leveling up for the first time.

- Nines, Inheritor. Dirt in his boots.

- Nostradama, Cleric of the Nonanist Faith. Requires guidance.

- Zeppelino, Goblin. Has a small crew of Buddies.

New Backstories:

- Nostradama was forced to drop out of culinary school after burning some eggs (and telling her daughter as much). She got a job as a labourer in a tarp factory instead, which is where she got the famous apocalypse-survival tarp from! Whenever an attempt at diplomacy fails, you get +2 AC for a ten minute Turn.

- Zeppelino nearly fell into a hole when he was younger, and thankfully his pod-brother was there to save him! If someone near you is going to make a check to prevent falling, you may grant them a reroll if they fail.

Events:

--- A Nice Day for a Real Fake Adventure

- We reconvene with our heroes in a fake jail reached via a sewer. Bulgur has the script for what's meant to happen next in the fake plot that the Halflings put together to distract invading hero-types. Thing is, the script says that there's real treasure in a real treasure room (guarded by a real minotaur ratman monster boss). It's too tempting to avoid!
- This particular jail room is a kind of hero moment where the heroes could free some unjustly imprisoned prisoners. Alas, everyone present understands that these are actors forced to act for their various real crimes (as all actors should be).

- Nostradama is the Cleric today and informs everyone that the current God is the Dead God, who makes it harder for people to die. Very nice! It's also a Dragon Face Moon, and due to mysterious and troubling reasons it means that gravity is slightly lighter and that something interesting is happening to runes. Alas, nobody knows what runes are (allegedly) so this is just kinda cool rather than a great boon.
- They open up the secret extra door and reveal a room full of corpses!
- Zeppelino rushes in to loot the bodies.

--- Bulgur Strides Forth

- Chuckling and conversation can be heard beyond this room, and Bulgur strides ahead to question the conversationalists! It's a young Halfling woman, and on seeing the largeling approaching she stops chatting and gets into character. A young Halfling man scurries from across the room too.

- It's a classic liar/truthteller guard setup! Treasure and a big portcullis labelled "Lair of the Minorat" are beyond! Bulgur reads the answer off the script, to the guards' chagrin.
- Bulgur starts teasing them with confusing questions. Meanwhile Zeppelino is arming his recalcitrant minions.

- Guards disabled, they explore a little further. In one room they find stalls. Toilet stalls! Since they're currently below the sewer level, these are basically just seats over buckets that need to be emptied regularly.

--- Cocaine Barbarian is the name of my new thrash band

- They try the door beyond the room where the ratman are and... egads! A Ratman! Not a huge minotaur ratmen, but a normal sized ratman! It's still a big fellow! And behind it is a swarm of rats who love him!

- It bites Bulgur and they discover... the Ratman is on drugs! Furthermore, Ratmen have a toxic bite that spreads any toxins or diseases they're carrying! Bulgur's eyes briefly roll back as the Notcoke takes hold. +1 amped bonus to hit, +1 overconfidence bonus to fumbles.

- Everyone else misses the drugged up ratboy. Bulgur does not. His notcoke-fuelled strike from his Pumpkinhead absolutely mashes the Ratman!

- His plague of rodents, tears in their eyes, tries to nibble Bulgur to death to no avail. Their next attack is better though! The swarm somehow cleaves through and attacks Nines!

- Meanwhile the Halfling guards have backed away and are attempting to pull some unmarked levers on either side of a big portcullis at the other side of the room. Zeppelino and his goblins run over to prevent them doing whatever they're doing! A portcullis drops down over the entrance, trapping the party within!

- Nostradama is splatting rats. She also sees they've all got little notcoke nosebags, which is probably why they're so agile. She swiftly snorts up all the little baggies. Cocaine Cleric! More of a shoegaze band name, or possibly an insufferable youtube celeb.

--- The Minorat Cometh

- Shenanigans over at the levers involve the death of a Goblin Buddy, the opening of the exit portcullis, the death of the other guard (Gareth) and... THE RELEASE OF THE MINORAT!
- It's genuinely a huge ratman, rats swarming over and... inside??? its muscles. Or are the rats the muscles? It's a huge dude anyway! And he's got horns taped to his skull! And only a shirt, no pants - Steamboat Willie!
- It's a boss monster. It must be attacked! Bulgur smashes in with the Pumpkinhead, right in the no-pants region, and the huge rat doubles over. Despite his rat colony's attempts to block, Bulgur's Barbarian powers allow him to see... this guy has 9HP left.

- Nostradama invokes the Nine and calls forth Minerva, who grants her armour to these faithful! Minerva personally comes down and speaks to Nostradama, then vanishes, leaving them with a shield of faith! Alas, Nostradama is all out of miracles now.
- Others attack the big boss, but it's all down to Bulgur in the end, mashing with the Pumpkinhead Axe and severing every limb with a spinning Barbarian whirlwind axe attack!

- Nostradama sees her chance and kills the last guard (Mildred) by choking her to death with a big chunk of bread. It's somehow more brutal.

--- Grab Dat Cache

- They loot the treasure room and find, to their delight, that it's real treasure!

- In addition to 8000 obols-worth of loose treasure (which those in the know quickly absorb under their skin as Debt Tattoos),
-- Bulgur finds a vial of lubricant,
-- Zeppelino finds a Repair Kit that repairs gear, 

-- Nines fittingly finds a little animated toy Rat Pack that follows you around and can carry stuff for you, 

-- and Nostradama finds a Shield of Spell Absorption which has a demon face which eats and releases spells targeted at the bearer.

- Bulgur also loots the next room and finds 22 doses of Notcoke in little baggies. His eyes roll gleefully.

--- Control Room

- Everyone has a quick snack, including Nines who is eating Gareth and stealing his form.
- "Gareth" opens the next (final?) door and descends into a sort of control room. They chat for a bit, but the Halflings within are desperately trying to prevent their part of the city from blowing up after the local destruction protocols got triggered last session.
- The party instead try to head up! The Halfling parliament is above after all!
- They break through and... oh no! A hospital is above! It falls away easily due to the RAAC concrete construction of the infrastructure! The Parliament part of the plot was also a lie!

--- Bathhouse-Five

- Oh well, they can't finish off the scripted plot. Might as well check out the farms maybe? See where the beef comes from? Most importantly, better get out of dodge in case the place really does blow up!
- They head through the (well-signposted) sewers until they reach Westerling, the relatively safe and relatively non-hostile part of Bunkertown.

- Zeppelino pops out of the manhole and demands that a nearby child tell him the way to the nearest bathhouse!

- Turns out there is a bathhouse! Halflings were the original Romans, after all. Makes sense.

- There are distant explosions over in Northfell. I wonder what caused those!

- The Bathhouse is bloody lovely. One weird thing though... Nines recognises the bouncer on the door. It's Henan, his old mob boss! Since he's in Gareth form he doesn't make a scene.
- A Halfling greets the doublings and asks as to their master. It's Gareth of course!

- All things in order, everyone gets the full spa treatment. Bulgur and Nostradama have a lovely time, little massage, oiled up and scraped off with a curved knife, the works!
- Zepellino is in a horror story. The olive oil... the parboiling... they're cooking him! They're cooking his remaining Buddy! Oh god! OH GOD! The buddy is already being CARVED UP!!!

- Zeppelino flees, unbenownst to the others who are served some delicious "vegetarian hors d'oeuvres". Very fresh!

--- Onwards to Grendel

- Afterwards everyone (even Zeppelino, despite the panic attacks) feels fully refreshed. How lovely!
- To the delight of the people of Bunkertown, they decide to head off into the Wastes instead of sticking around.

- Next stop - the clockwork city of Grendel. It sounds cool, so why not!

Total: 9000 exp

Murders:

- Two Halfling guards (20 exp)
- A coked-up Ratman and his coked-up rat friends (75 exp)

- A huge rat-minotaur (250 exp)

Total: 345 exp

Treasure:

- 8000 obols (8000 exp)

- Vial of lube

- Repair Kit repairs all Notches (5 uses)
- Rat Pack is a little stuffed rat that follows you and carries up to 5 items in an adorable fashion

- Shield of Spell Absorption absorbs spells you save against and releases it against the next person who misses you with an attack(because they hit the shield).

- 22 doses of Notcoke (220 exp)

Total: 8220 exp

Roles:

- Carter the Chronicler, Expedition Leader, Cartographer, Paymaster, and Role-Greedy Person De Jour (400 exp/level)

- Zoë the Quartermaster and Chef (200 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 18185 (Level up at 36000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Meat Point! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 16085 (Level up at 32000)

Level Up! +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +Barbarian Power! +Backstory!

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 4 Goblin: 8351 (Level up at 16000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Buddy! +Backstory!

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Buddy! +Backstory!

- Zoe / Nostradama, Level 3 Cleric of Nonanism: 6176 (Level up at 9000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1d6 Healing Pool! +1 to Starting Faith! +Backstory!

Session 389 - Upending the Narrative

 Date: 12 November 1624

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous

Moon Face: Plain
Zenith Deity: The Scorned

Returning Characters:

- Brie van der Hells, Nonanist Cleric. Taking the Gods seriously.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Barbarian. Can now see foes' HP when he hits them, which is collectively lauded as the "anti DM bullshit" ability even though I never mess around with that I swear!
- Manrat Snels, Ratman. Now in control of a swarm of nine rats!

- Nines, Inheritor. Wearing the shape of a Halfling Milliner.

New Backstory:

- Bulgur's father was an angry drunk, and this trauma fed into Bulgur's rage. +2 Dexterity.

- Manrat Snels hid from the burning sun during the hottest summer on record. The rats inside the cave he hid within became his first friends. +2 Wisdom.

- Brie van der Hells was at her grandfather's bedside as he begged for death. She did so and caught his Last Breath, as all children of Necromancers are taught to do. +2 Dexterity

- Nines was egged on and fought another member of his gang. +2 Dexterity

Events:

--- Telling of Tales

- We rejoin the party as they rest up in the Milliner's shop in the Northfell region of the Halfling town of Bunkertown. Northfell is the industrial region where any "largelings" that enter rarely leave. Outside is a drizzly mist, nasty weather but not the worst Autumn has to offer.
- They are of course on a quest to assassinate the Alderman, a mission given to them by a mysterious handsome hooded Halfling named Shortshanks in the darkness of an inn. They've infiltrated the Milliner's place, now they will lie in wait to ambush the Alderman when he turns up for his millinery appointment.
- They're swapping stories of their childhoods, and catching Brie van der Hells up on the events of the previous week.

- The Milliner is dead. The Milliner is alive. The Milliner is Nines in the shape of the dead Milliner. All of these statements are true.

- Bulgur is having a heart-to-heart with the freed human slave Bjorn. Bjorn is finding it hard to accept his new freedom. He is told of Fortress-City Fate where he might find individual freedom, and of the Wheatlands where his serfdom will at least be under fellow humans. In the interests of free will, they let him go to make his own choice. He leaves with a backpack full of man-kibble and a head full of dreams.

--- Gustav my Man!

- Around noon the Alderman (ie. the Halfling the party was sent to assassinate) turns up, looks around the shop, and with a smile approaches Nines in his milliner form. "Gustav my man! You're looking well! Looks like our adventurers aren't here yet then?" he beams.
- The Milliner's real name, as opposed to character name, is Gustav. It becomes very clear that this assassination plot is actually just a storyline the Halflings put on to divert adventuring types - they come into town, have a satisfying adventure, and leave.
- The Alderman does some cursory sign-countersign stuff to prove that Gustav is Gustav, but isn't particularly thorough. Plus Nines has access to Gustav's memories, which makes the whole thing a little easier. The Alderman then says he'll go hide over in the corner, behind the hat racks, so they can surprise the visitors.

- Instead Nines murders the Alderman and messily consumes his body. This is not in the script.
- The others peek through the blinds and see that there's a crossbow-bearing team of Halflings hidden in the hobbit holes across the road. Otherwise the streetscape looks like a normal quaint Halfling factory district, nothing to see here.

--- Suppressing Fire

- Nines/Alderman pokes his head out of the front door and hails some neighbourhood policemen with classic police hats. Unfortunately he makes it extremely obvious that he isn't the Alderman and has to retreat! Gas-powered machinegun crossbows pepper the walls from across the street! The neighbourhood policemen are torn apart in the crossfire!
- The others realise they're in a bit of a pickle.
- Manrat Snels is in the toilet cubicle, ripping out the seat. It's a small hole down to sewer, but it's smaller than a human head so a ratman can definitely fit through it. He dives into the toilet! Below he discovers a genuine sewer and also sees that the various manholes in this area are rigged with blenders to soupify anyone who thinks to jump down one.
- Brie sends her skeleton (née Nutella) out the back door into the alleyway. It goes a few steps towards the manhole on the corner and HISSSSS! A great cloud of green gas melts it down into slime! 
- Bulgur has been hiding in the corner the Alderman said he was going to hide in, and a hatch opens above his head! It's Shortshanks! A ladder chunks down, and instead of following the attempt at re-railroading the plot Bulgur climbs up, extorts the script off the poor fellow, and in the process discovers that he wasn'ts lying - he really was trying to change the plot such that his political enemies ended up dead.
- Bulgur chucks him off the roof. Splat!
- Below, the cops burst in (with Beam-Light runes on their service crossbows) and swear vengeance! Brie thinks quickly, shucks her skin, and disguises herself as a skeleton in the little punishment cell for humans in the back room.

--- All Cats are Beautiful

- The cops decide this has gone too far and decide to blow up the area and isolate the threat. Northfell, like Westerling, has streets ready to blow if a powerful threat enters the zone.

- A couple of them head outside into the alley and start keying a code into the keypad beneath a manhole. Down the street another cop starts keying in similar - this is clearly a two keys nuclear code situation.

- Unfortunately for them, Manrat is in the sewers already! He disables a blender device and sends his rats up and out to murder the nearest guard. It's horrible!
- Meanwhile, up on the roof, Bulgur is startled to see a female Halfling in practical-but-cool gear turn up. She's a princess or something, or an Alderman's daughter, and per the script she's meant to make the adventurers think that maybe they're murdering the wrong people. Since Bulgur is clearly holding the script she decides to leave - the party is off-script!
- Bulgur slides down the spherical roof and extorts yet another thing - the nuclear keys - from a cop, who then flees.
- Manrat and his rats kill the other cop. Thank goodness no people were hurt.

--- Fire on My Position!

- According to the recap, "Nines made an oops and triggered the contingency".
- Various people around the town do the pre-nuke freezeframe thing.

- The party flees to the best of their ability.

- BOOM!!!!!

- Manrat Snels and Nines are badly hurt, but survive! Everyone else was clear before the street exploded!

- Brie drank her seagull potion and turned into a (skeletal) seagull before the bomb went off. She talks to a large bird nearby, who is concerned but not alarmed.

--- Flip the Script

- Bulgur also survived. He reads the script he lifted from Shortshanks.

- It turns out Shortshanks wasn't lying, he did change the script to benefit himself! The original script involved:

-- a few months of training (wherein their minds would be weakened by drugged food)
-- an attempted taming by "evil" Halflings (played by expendable prisoners who would be granted release if successful).
-- If that didn't work they party would be put onto the main plot - killing or hopefully capturing an evil politician.
-- After capturing the Alderman at the Millinery and turning him in, the Halfling lady would turn up and make them question the true reason for targeting Aldermen.
-- Shortshanks the "bad guy" politician would elected, showing his true reasons for hiring them. They would then kill/capture him, save the day, and go on their merry way.
- Unfortunately this all got sidetracked by the party finding the actual script. Bad news for the Halflings!
- On the plus side, as part of the "investigate the true enemy" plot, there is an underground dungeon containing a "giant ratman" and real loot to be had.
- Bulgur persuades the others to skip the plot, quickly head into the dungeon before they're scripted to arrive, grab the loot, then they can all leave this horrible town.

--- Missing the Cue

- The party have a bite to eat in the sewers, then hurry towards the place on the map marked as the Mayoral Dungeon beneath the actual mayor's office. On the way, Manrat regenerates his rats from the local population, and of course pretends that they're the old rats miraculously surviving.
- They come to the map position and hey! It's a jail! alflings in cells lurk within, chatting since they're not supposed to be "on set" yet.

- There's a guard inside though, who quickly gets into character when he sees Nines in his Alderman form come in. The guard is holding down a dead man's switch, as instructed.

- It goes well for a short while until Manrat fucks it all up! A scuffle breaks out, the dead man's switch is released, but someone props the switch open with a chair. Phew?

- One of the Halfling prisoners breaks character. They're a real prisoner, but playing along will get him released. He doesn't care any more since the dead man's switch releasing will blow him up anyway!

- Basically - the enemy Halflings can listen through the pipes, and the stabiliser for the dead man's switch is in the "control room".

- The party open the secret door to the next chamber and look across a pile of corpses... 

- Cliffhanger-ish ending!

Total: 8000 exp

Roles:

- Carter the Chronicler and Paymaster (200 exp/level)
- Kitty the Expedition Leader and Chef (200 exp/level)

- Ollie the Cartographer and Quartermaster (200 exp/level)
- George the Vanguard and Triage (200 exp/level)

Murders:

- The Alderman 10 exp)

- Shortshanks (10 exp)
- A cop (10 exp)

- Another cop (10 exp)

Total: 40 exp

Treasure:

- The script

Total: 0 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 4 Inheritor: 12193 (Level up at 18000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 4 Barbarian: 11293 (Level up at 16000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 4 Ratman: 8418 (Level up at 14000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! A whopping 16 Rats!  +Backstory!

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 3 Necromancer: 8318 (Level up at 9000)