Session 416 - The Dad That Should Not Be

Date: 1st September 1625

Zenith Deity: The Scorned

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous

Moon Face: Clean Face

New Backstory:

- Manrat was the "audience" during the music of his ritual creation. When someone succeeds at a Music roll nearby, +2 to your next roll.

- Gryphon was washed away in a flood of goblin filth, which cemented his love of being in vehicles above such filth. +1 to Piloting.

- Sulphur was accused of consuming souls in the spirit realm... but it wasn't him that time! This forced his fusion soul into corporeality. Half damage from traps.

Events:

--- Faces New and Old

- Gryphon and Sulphur are huddled around a meagre fire in the night, camped on the fetid ground inside the crumbling curtain walls of a fallen fortress. Nieval the Good, recently healed and clutching his wounds after last session, will be left up here to recover and as such will not be appearing in this session.

- But hark! A sound! A pile of rats emerges and reveals Manrat hiding within! And skulking from the darkness, two Halflings! Gaius Julius Drusus, Roman Halfling Emperor, and Havarti Honeybun, a sweet Halfling lady with no such pretensions. Gaius rides upon Lurpak, a very strong manservant who has developed an odd couple relationship with his mind-master.

- Gryphon and Sulphur fill the crew in. This is a big ol' castle. Classic dungeon vibes. Lots of loot and lore about the mysterious goblin immotile Morning Light Mountain.

--- Spiders!

- They enter the castle, the Halflings loudly discussing how human flavour changes based on social class. Gryphon sorta remembers the way, and they come to a hall in which the high ceiling is covered in webs.
- Gaius spots it as it leaps - a pug-sized hunting spider! It hits him in the face, covering him with a thin layer of web as Lurpak tries to swat it away. Gaius fumbles with his torch and tries to light the web. Alas! It causes MORE spiders to leap out as they flee the flames!

- Gryphon swings his grappling hook and gambits to swing himself INTO a jumping spider! They hit midair and fall in a scrabbling heap. Havarti runs over to "befriend" the fallen spider but shock!!! the mental wrestle is LOCKED! They're in a MIND WAR!

- Gaius lays down covering fire. Sulphur gets bitten hard but ghost-punches it to death in retribution. Havarti loses the MIND WAR! She's stunned, overwhelmed with the spider's weaponised memories of webs and feasting.

- Manrat raises his arms and an outpouring of 40 rats surges forth! Gryphon pulls a spider into the swirling rodent vortex where it is consumed utterly.

- Havarti comes to and sees the devastation. The spiders are dead. Black smoke gutters on the ceiling as the slow fire consumes the grotty webs.
- Two daggers of strange design drop from the crackling webs - they are Sais, such as Raphael the Ninja Turtle might wield. Writing on the blades each read "long suffering". They keep them for Nieval, since their power increases with every lingering wound or disease the wielder is harbouring.

--- Father's Favourite Torture Sauna

- Gryphon leads them further into the castle and they come across what is clearly a torture chamber. Gryphon wonders why his father remodeled his favourite sauna into this!

- He finds a jar of eyeballs and tosses it to Sulphur. Useful reagents! Sulphur himself is pulling teeth out of a skeleton's mouth when SNAP! It bites his hand! Sulphur sucks out the lingering soul, deactivating the skull, then... keeps pulling teeth. It's a handful per cast, you see.

- They also find a couple of books. A racy POWERLAD novel (An Affair with POWERLAD) and a book on the Runic Wars. Sulphur reanimates a squad of skeletons for good measure. Waste not want not!

--- Coats and Prisons

- Gryphon leads them on and they find a chamber with a bed, wardrobe, and other bedroom accoutrements. Gryphon lifts a ring of keys and  a bag of coins from the dresser. Gaius gets a big cloak from the wardrobe and drapes it over himself and Lurpak for a two man "three kids in a coat" routine.

- In the back of the wardrobe is a magic lute! It's a Lute of Courage and causes all morale checks to succeed when played! Gaius plays it very well, a classic tune, then passes it on to Gryphon who promises to learn to play.

- The next area has a few prison cells. Searching the dank straw reveals cooking chorizo (tasty!) and a sachet of Beethoven Spice that grants +5 to Music when used in a meal.

--- I Am Your Father

- The next room is a study with has a body in it, slumped over a desk. Sulphur detects that there's life left in the body!

- They jostle the body and it wakes up, revealing that he is Gryphon's father! It transpires that it was he who hired the witch who cursed Gryphon to sleep for a hundred years and a day, and that he's been slurping Gryphon's blood the whole time to gain eternal life for himself!

- This is very much considered an evil act by all and sundry, and they subject him to summary execution. However his decapitated head rolls to the ground and keeps talking! He's an intelligent undead now!
- Gryphon attaches the head to his belt and chats with his dad while the others loot the corpse.
- They find a key (#12) and a spiked Wolf Choker which summons a spiritual hound!

- With the pub taking last orders, we finish on that bombshell. What will happen next time??

Total: 6000 exp

Treasures Looted: 

- Two Sais of Long-Suffering gain +1 die size per lingering injury and disease.

- Book #384 - An Affair with POWERLAD (100 exp)

- Book #150 - The Runic Wars (100 exp)

- Small bag of coins (300 exp)

- Ring of keys

- Lute of Courage negates morale checks when played

- Box of Cooking Chorizo (10 rations) (10 exp)
- Beethoven's Spice grants +5 to Music. Runs out on 1 in 6.

- Wolf Choker summons a HD4 Spirit Wolf to guard you in your sleep.

Total: 510 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- Some pug-sized hunting spiders (300 exp)

- Gryphon's Dad (20 exp)
Total: 320 exp

OOC: 

- Carter the Chronicler and Paymaster (200 exp/level)
- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Tim the Triage (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 8 Ratman: 114246 (Level up at 224000)

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 5 Boo-gilist: 19440 (Level up at 36000)

- Timothy / Gaius Julius Drusus, Level 4 Halfling: 8854 (Level up at 16000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

- Carter / Gryphon, Level 3 Fighter: 4194 (Level up at 8000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 2 Halfling: 2925 (Level up at 4000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

Session 415 - A Castle in the Wastes

 Date: 19th August 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face

Zenith Deity: The Lady

Retired:

- Maxwell has retired to concoct schemes that will keep Morning Light Mountain contained.
- Zeppelino has retired to lead the Drudgespar goblin remnants. Manrat also did this further to the south-west so we might be in a warring states period.

 

New Characters:

- Nieval the Good, Specialist and former "Rig Rider". Survived in the Wastes via a vaulting pole, an exploding javelin, and sheer fucking will. Latterly became a villein to our other newest member.
- Gryphon, bearer of ancient techniques of swordcraft. He was cursed to sleep for a hundred years and a day and woke up in the post-apocalypse. Made it out of his country pile alive and hired Nieval with baroque coins.

Events:

--- Crash Landing

- In a minor retcon I have drawn the following - 

- The landing site is up to the players, and they decide to go for the castle to the east.

- Given the recent retirements it's just Sulphur crash-landing in the balloon made out of a very large inflated pig, and thus he lands in the sludge a short walk from our new additions. Their names are Gryphon (long-lost lord of the nearby manor) and Nieval the Good (recently hired because he can speak the modern lingo). 

- In the usual way of things, everyone trusts each other.

- Gryphon informs the party that there is much treasure in his castle, or at least that was so in the last century, so they all head towards the collapsed fortification as it sinks into the stinking goo of the Drudge Wastes.

--- An Entry

- Before entering the dungeon proper, Gryphon clambers onto the roof and grabs some weaponry from the decayed bastion. He finds trinkets and a few knives.
- The stairs leading in are, for some reason, leading downwards from the surface level. Inspection reveals that they are hinged, overengineered, and would have otherwise have led upwards.

- The entry chamber is lined by pillars. On the right they are carved to represent noble bow-armed humans. On the left they are carved into snivelling goblins with shelf-fungus on the back of their necks.

- With no immediate danger they head into the dungeon, taking note of stone feathers that flake in the corners. They speculate that there's a cockatrice around here somewhere.

--- Falling Floor

- The corridor turns left and fans out into a multitude of doors. The floor is covered in ankle-height sludge.

- They go north and, hey! The door hasn't been opened for a while! The floor is untouched by sludge and has big chequerboard squares within a chalk rectangle that runs around the room.
- Sulphur tosses his POWERLAD novel onto a square and sees it rock downwards on a hinge. Taking a peek, he sees countless fungoid goblins on punji pit spikes. Honestly it wouldn't hurt to fall down there at this point due to the sheer number of corpses.

- Nieval walks around the chalk outline to the door and discovers that it is locked! Sulphur punches a handful of teeth into the keyhole and magically detonates them.

- KABOOM!
- The lock is destroyed, the door opens.

--- Falling Floor 2: The Lowering

- Behind the door is an annex with crossbows, spears and swords mounted on the walls. This is clearly a defense position. The lack of crossbow kills in the pits is a credit to the designer, the goblins just fell in there!

- Our heroes arm themselves. Waste not want not and all that.

- They continue on and discover a room in which the floor whirrs and lowers when stepped upon. The walls have awful paintings of dying goblins on them, such that as the floor lowers more horrific tortures are revealed.

- Gryphon and Sulphur tie themselves to a rope, run to different doors, and discover that the floor falls faster with more weight on it. Gryphon opens his door and hears goblin voices from within.

- Gryphon shouts to lure them out. These goblins have big ol' fly agaric mushroom heads, and their leaders' head is extremely plump and effulgent. 

- Their hobgoblin leader declares that he's a motile of Morning Light Mountain and is doing its bidding. He also declares that his mind will transfer to his minions if he's killed. Battle ensues!

--- Caught in a Trap, No Turning Back

- Gryphon attempts to throw the hobgoblin straight into the pit, fails, and is saved by Sulphur who somehow manages to whiplash himself into the pit. THEN Nieval exchanges himself with Sulphur. It's a hell of a time.

- The hobgoblin tears the mushroom straight off his head and frisbees it into combat where it starts spewing stun poison.

- Nieval slaps the hobgoblin's hand and feels some mycelial horror worming its way into his palm. He starts to feel it invade his brain. This is very much NOT GOOD.

- His fears begin to manifest in a very physical way. His shadow splits and splits and splits. The worst part is that the others can also see this happening.

- Sulphur dives down, hammer blazing with glyph-fire, smashing the hobgoblin on the shoulder. Alas, the follow-through shatters Nieval's nose.

- The burning hammer keeps the shadows away while Sulphur's return swing knocks the hobgoblin's head right off its shoulders. It's dead! Maybe!

--- His Saviours

- Gryphon fishes his allies out of the pit. Nieval is truly fucked at this point. They drag his barely-surviving body out of the castle and prop him up against a wall, then go searching for something to cook.

- They find a few bulbs. Better than nothing. It's the soft-glowing shallot called Glimmerjack that grows amongst tree roots.

- Gryphon cooks up "Gloam Stew", which honestly sounds really tasty from his description despite having only one ingredient.

- They basically pour it all down Nieval's throat until he feels better. He is now extremely full but otherwise surviving. He lives!

- Without any camping gear they peer up at the castle. Do they go back in? Only time will tell.

Total: 7000 exp

Murders:
- One mushroom-headed hobgoblin (100 exp)

Total: 100 exp

Treasures:

- Some weaponry

- 12 obols-worth of trinkets (12 exp)
Total: 12 exp

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 5 Boo-gilist: 18017 (Level up at 36000)
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

- Carter / Gryphon, Level 2 Fighter: 2371 (Level up at 4000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 2 Specialist: 2371 (Level up at 3500)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

Session 414 - We Dropped This City! We Dropped This City in the Goblin Hole!

Date: 19th August 1625

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face

Zenith Deity: Oberon

New Characters:

- Brick, a Dwarf named for his dismal intelligence and (to our surprise since his failed career was rolled after naming) is an ex-bricklayer. There was much debate over what a "bricklaying stick" is, and it turns out in the end I was JUSTIFIED because it turns out I was thinking of a brick hod!

- Albedo, Inheritor from the Wastelands who it seems is a recovered vampire.

- Havarti Honeybun, a Halfling who survived the apocalypse by living in the veins of the earth.

Events:

--- Much Confusion

- There is initially much confusion because I hadn't done the previous recap before jetting off to Australia. Thankfully Carter keeps excellent records so was able to get us up to speed. Hurrah! Thank you Carter!
- As such, we find the party airborne over the Drudge Wastes, bobbing through the skies in the cracked remains of the bucket-city of Drudgespar, held aloft primarily be an enormous balloon made of the skin of a blue whale.

- Cytoplasmic mycelial gunk starts dripping out of the city and Sulphur uses a Soul Sight spell to confirm that yes, it is ensouled and yes, it's infecting whatever it likes down there! The party helps continue the goblin evacuation, warning them of the new threat.
- In the drama, two new people enter the party. Brick, a Dwarf, and Albedo, and Inheritor, get caught up in all the rush and are immediately trusted in the way that only PCs truly are.

- Albedo tests the mycellium in the walls... and it shoots out and starts trying to worm its way through her to her heart! Luckily she's an Inheritor so collapses into a pool of glooping ooze and blood to digest it right back. She absorbs its mycelium attack!

- Maxwell sets his helpers (with the help of a Repel-Life rune) to keep the cytoplasm back while they retreat.

--- Brick Save Pod

- Sulphur hears goblins pleading for aid in Bucketsides, and there they are! A little clan of bud-goblins whose peapod is threatened by the evacuation. They are congenitally unable to move it themselves, so it's Brick to the rescue! He digs out the pod, roots and all, and hefts it into his sack of bricks. The pod is saved!

- While Albedo discovers her new power (via lengthy negotiation), Sulphur is confronting some goblins with white eyes who have been taken over by the wall mycellia. Soul Sight shows that they're all connected to some sort of gestalt, they are BRIMMING with soul. They tell him their only wish is to kill everything on the planet, then run off to cause chaos!

--- Loot While You've Got the Chance

- Up on the top level, Maxwell and Zeppelino are rigging up a big Repel-Gravity rune to help get the city to its final destination above Morning Light Mountain. It's about 6 hours until the destination.

- In the mean time, they might as well loot the city! Turns out there's more lube around than expected.

- The city is now passing by Grendel, the great clockwork city built around a huge central crankshaft. Bystanders below gawp at the city flying past above. They might come back here, but first! The mission!

--- Vampire Speed Boost

- As the sun sets they see a swarm of dark shapes fast approaching from the southwest. It's a swarm of vampires sent to check out vhat's been happenink!

- Considering that there are actually blood-havers here, they are willing to make a deal! If they can have some blood, they're willing to help push the city to the final destination! In exchange they'll get lots of (willingly given and indirectly obtained) blood. The blood-havers start draining themselves in advance so they don't pass out from the blood loss later.

- They get closer and closer, now moving above the huge menacing spikes that slant outwards from the centre where Morning Light Mountain lurks...

--- City Just Dropped

- Finally Drudgespar is directly above. It's go time! The vampires are given their bloody reward (plus some alterket) and seem rather pleased.

- Goblins swarm below like ants and so Maxwell triggers the lightning rune he's been saving up. The goblins below are fried!... but then they start getting back up!

- Damn better do what they wanted then. They release the city from the blue whale balloon and drop the whole thing directly onto the home of Morning Light Mountain.
- It goes BOOOM and a shockwave ripples through the sludge in all directions! Crater dynamics are considered!

- The words MORNING LIGHT MOUNTAIN echo in everyone's minds, and the cytoplasm remaining in the city's walls squirms and squiggles against the ground as darker, greener cytoplasm emerges from the sludge and begins to subsume it...

--- Still Gotta Eat

- Up in the blue whale, ears popping after its rapid rise before the blue goblins could let out enough hydrogen from the gas bladders to stabilise it, the party decides that they'd better have something to eat before dealing with whatever it is that's going on down there.

- They make the aptly named "Rubble and Squeak" from a relatively homely mix of Rat, Sourdough, Mushroom and Potato. It's pretty good!

Total: 7000 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- A whole lot of goblins, kinda (1000 exp)

- Morning Light Mountain??? (??? exp)

Total: At least 1000 exp

Treasures Looted:

- 12 silver coins (12 exp)
- 2 vials of acid.

- 2 vials of lubricant.

- 2 doses of Alterket
- 3 doses of Notcoke

- Arcane Bath Bomb gives spellcasters back all their Mana.
- Scroll #61 - "Putrefy Food and Drink"
- Book #336 - "POWERLAD: Captivated by the Cultists"
- Amber Fishing Rod grants +2 to Bushcraft when fishing

Total: 12 exp

OOC:

Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)

Charles the Paymaster (100 exp/level)
Ollie the Quartermaster and Chef (200 exp/level)
Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 89977 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 7 Specialist: 69484 (Level up at 112000)

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 4 Boo-gilist: 15646 (Level up at 18000)

- Kyle / Brick, Level 1 Brick: 1502 (Level up at 2000)

- Sophia / Albedo, Level 1 Inheritor: 1502 (Level up at 2250)

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 1 Halfling: 1502 (Level up at 2000)

Session 413 - Drudgespar Debate Society

Date: 15th July 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face

Zenith Deity: The Lady

Events:

--- The Aftermath

- After fighting off a load of space-Dwarves (?) and hiding once more in the safety cube, our party emerge relatively refreshed!

- Maxwell has a lot of opinions on the structural integrity and tensile strength of Drudgespar now that the forces at work have effectively reversed.

- The ground is unsteady as the great city sways through the skies. If they go up, it's goblins (blue or otherwise). If they go down, more of those Dwarves in the beetle-black suits. There's also a big hole that's been blown in one side of the big cone.

- Cytoplasmic ooze begins bubbling up from below, swirling around Dwarf bones. A quickly scrawled Detect-Life glyph shows that it's ALIVE! In fact, VERY ALIVE!

--- Who Out Here Extruding They Goblin

- A goblin form slowly grows and forms out of the cytoplasm. He's green but he's got shelf-fungus ridges and white eyes. It introduces itself as a Motile.

- They talk for a while, it is commanded by the Immotile Deep Dark Dissident who has grown into the walls of the Dwarven Arcology below, the better to escape the solar system in the event of the Earth's collapse.

- It collapses back into ooze. Maxwell tries to bring it back with a quick Take-Life rune and absorbs... too much life?! He tries absorbing some of it that life into himself but feels something powerful start to subsume him! He breaks the rune and lets the energies drain away.

--- Let's Go Up, Gang!

- They decide to go up to the main city and parley with the blue goblins now that they have this new information. It's anti-grav time on the safety cube. Up up and away!
- They land on the Undercity layer and head upwards, on the way accosted by a drunk Australian woman who apparently lives inside my mind, ready to come out at any time. She's absolutely pissed on boxed wine.
- It transpires that she's an Elf called Spatchcock - a Gluntie Queyne if you want to get technical - and after some banter agrees to lead the party to the lift up to the Skirts where the blue goblins currently rule.
- On the way, Maxwell informs an anti-blue rebel hobgoblin of various other runes they can use. It's not just Take-Lightning. There are others! However this situation calls for a truly massive Take-Lightning rune that should hopefully depower all the blue goblins above. Can you get the rebellion on that? Nice one, thanks.

Spatchcock, meanwhile, has heard the Word through Nostradama and converted to Nonanism. Will she remember she did this once the hangover's worn off? Only the Nine can know!

--- Audience with the Bloblins

- They get on the lift to the Skirts and while it makes its slow, lumbering, rickety way up the walls of Drudgespar they see the goblins below lighting up the super-rune. By the time the party reaches the Skirts the blue goblins are in disarray! They can still fly, but their powers are being curtailed!
- Sulphur demands to see their leader and, under the circumstances, they take the party straight there.

- The leader is called The Almighty Bode and the effects of the Take-Lightning glyph have turned him a strange shade of mauve.

- He tells them the plan again - drop Drudgespar on the Place of Honour, killing the evil Immotile Morning Light Mountain, Mother of Goblins. They won't attack it directly because it can mind control goblins, which is why it's been contained but left to its own devices in a landscape of spikes all this time. Wipe it out and its evil influence will never affect goblinkind ever again!

- The city is to be evacuated, and so the goblin residents depower the giant Take-Lightning rune and begin bailing out by parachute and helicopter-hat and sometimes just loads of padding. Down into the mushroom forest below. Manrat plans to go down there and lead them as some sort of Khan.
- The great city keeps moving inexorably towards the Place of Honour where Morning Light Mountain lies scheming...

Total: 5000 exp

OOC:

Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer and Paymaster (300 exp/level)

Zoë the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)
George the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- - George / Manrat Snels, Level 8 Ratman: 112023 (Level up at 224000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! 64 Rat Max! +Backstory!

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 7 Specialist: 67982 (Level up at 112000)

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 39209 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 4 Boo-gilist: 14144 (Level up at 18000)

Session 412 - What Does This Button Do?

 Date: 24th June 1625

Moon Phase: New Moon

Moon Face: Pocked Face

Zenith Deity: The Scorned

New Characters:

- Lazy Lie, a Fighter who looks remarkably like a big blue dragon in a moustache... but that can't be right surely??

Revealed Backstory:

- Sulphur gave generously to Bulgur's funeral! +2 Charisma

- Nostradama knocked on a scary old door in a scary old house in the hopes of converting the scary old woman to the light of Nonanism! +2 to doing something everyone says is a bad idea

- Gaius Julius Drusus ate the biggest human he'd ever seen to prove his bravery! +2 Strength

Events:

--- A Long-Prophesied Return

- The party, seeking snacks after their battle with the massive Terran, enter the dungeon pantry.

- Within they find a big blue dragon who says he's a Fighter, and a returning character from long ago! Gaius Julius Drusus, alleged Roman Emperor and Halfling!

- Sulphur cooks a delicious beef and black pudding wellington. It's genuinely amazing.

--- Mysterious Seating Arrangement

- They hear the knocking of an encounter at an external door, but they'd cleverly countermanded it by opening just the inward-facing airlock doors.

- Still, maybe not that way.

- They come to a large mysterious cube-shaped room. Padded seats with rollercoaster-style braces are gimballed to the walls.

- Maxwell draws a Talk-Electricity rune to communicate with the electronics. The vibes are good, so the electricity does him a solid and flips out a big console with a big red button on it! It also has two keys at either end which give that "turn these simultaneously" vibe.

--- Strap In

- Maxwell is enamoured of the big red button. What could go wrong with pressing a big red button?

- Everyone else straps into a seat, and one of the seats swings down for Maxwell.
- He pressed the button and...
- BOOOMM!!!! Massive explosion! Everyone's seats rock and their stomachs drop as they fall!
- After several stomach-lurching seconds there's a great crash. The seats worked perfectly though, everyone's unharmed.

--- You Maniacs, You Blew It Up!

- They spin the door open and beyond is... a disaster. It's all gone. They're inside a great spherical impact crater. A whole lower section of Drudgespar above has been broken off above, a huge spike aimed ominously downwards. The glooping stuff of the wastes leaks in around it. The dungeon itself is just... gone.

- There is a great tearing, cracking sound as the rest of Drudgespar shears off. The blue goblins, the blue whale balloon, and all the other balloons that were trying to float Drudgespar can finally take the weight!
- Bits of giant scorpion rain down to Manrat's horror. He'd just paid for that!

--- Dwarf Defence

- Before they can truly work out what to do next, hatches open up around the circular smooth surface of the bottom of the impact crater. Dwarves pop out along with mounted repeater crossbows!
- They are wearing slick black armour with clear bubble helmets and they are, for fairly good reason, absolutely livid.

- Battle is joined. The crossbows (and importantly, hatches) are arrayed around the room in a big circle, so the party splits into multiple groups to charge in!
- Maxwell has a solo battle with a Dwarf on the long ladder that leads down from the hatch, firing beams at each other. He gambits to hook the Dwarf with his fire axe and sends it down the shaft, before doing another gambit to swing down after and gut it!
- He lands and finds himself surrounded by Dwarves, but they're all holding back in fear of this demon who blew up the world then murdered their compatriot with a flaming axe.

- Meanwhile Sulphur has been punching (and Last Breath collecting) his way down one of the hatches. He slurps up some sputum and engages Soul Vision which lets him see souls, and due to a faint soul-energy in the stone he can see in the dark. He spots the souls of Zeppelino and co and starts running the corridor.
- Speaking of Zeppelino and co, the "co" here being Manrat and Nostradama, they've slid down the hatch ladder and are currently under assault by a whole squad of Dwarves. After eating a few close calls, they decide discretion is the better part of valour and bug out. Zeppelino brings up the rear, his talking shield biting undies to protect them from below.

--- Corpse-Punch!

- Sulphur sees the others escaping and slips through that room while the Dwarf squad is firing up the shaft. Stealth!
- He keeps going, seeing Maxwell ahead and the souls of the cowering Dwarves.

- Maxwell sees Sulphur coming and with a great burst of strength throws the corpse of the Dwarf he killed towards him! Sulphur sees what's coming, brings back a fist, and flash-steps into a Corpse Explosion Punch!

- The corpse explodes, showering the surrounding Dwarfs in shards of bone and jagged discs of solidified blood! Maxwell and Sulphur escape while the Dwarfs scream in pain and shock.

--- Safety Box

- The various party members arrive up top to find that Gaius and Lazy Lie have managed to mount a repeating crossbow onto the "fighter" dragon's back, which again is suspicious. Gaius has mounted the other's back and created a sort of biological technical. He gives cover fire as the others run back to the safety of the cube!

Total: 8000 exp

Loot Acquired:

- Ramen packets and olive oil (10 exp)
- Dwarf "space suit"

Total: 10 exp

Enemies Defeated

- Loads of Dwarves (1000 exp)

Total: 1000 exp

OOC:

Charles the Chronicler (100 exp/level)

George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

Carter the Cartergrapher (100 exp/level)

Nick the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Tim the Triage (100 exp/level)

Kitty the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 109973 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 88475 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 7 Specialist: 64632 (Level up at 112000)

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 37359 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 4 Boo-gilist: 12494 (Level up at 18000)

- Timothy / Gaius Julius Drusus, Level 3 Halfling: 7031 (Level up at 8000)

- Nick / Lazy Lie, Level 1 Suspiciously Dragon-Shaped Fighter: 1288 (Level up at 2000)

Session 411 - This Isn't Even My Final Form!!

Date: 17th June 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face

Zenith Deity: Minerva

Revealed Backstory:

- Nostradama's home town was beset by a roving Am-Dram group. She ran off to join them! +1 to Reaction Rolls with outsiders, troupes and other social itinerants

- Sulphur spurned the tyrant Death Itself and was reborn anew! +2 to hit kings, leaders, and tyrants

- Maxwell always tries to fix problems on the fly, rather than clean up the mess afterwards. +2 to actions taken to salvage a situation that's just gone horribly wrong.

Events:

--- Corpse Farm

- We reunite with our favourite team of delvers as they explore deeper into the extensive queueing system that leads down and down to the long-lost Dwarven arcology of Ur-Jeizhek. The air is thick with the smell of stone.
- Nostradama has returned, and exhorts her fellow travellers to follow the Nonanist Gods. None heed the call, but at least she's got the Lady's luck on her side.

- Carrying on from the room where they recently murdered a bunch of Ur-Jeizhek Dwarves, they head through into a big cool underground farm filled with Plump Helmet Mushrooms. Zeppelino harvests some, and in so doing discovers that this farm is a graveyard! Corpses feed the mushrooms from the soil!
- Sulphur is intrigued, he could raise these cadavers if he wanted. For now he simply takes some of the grave dirt to power his spells.

- They move off but eat a wave of spores released from the mushrooms! No harm done, but it makes them cough and splutter.

--- Farmed Corpses

- The next room has a multitude of small paddocks, all of which contain the long-rotted corpses of various species of humanoid.

- Sulphur hops the fence into the Human Paddock and - alas! - is stuck! From inside it looks like there's no way out at all, although the others can see him in there. Shenanigans ensue, eventually resulting in the sacrifice of one of Zeppelino's goblins (name of Babyccino) but the reclamation of Sulphur!

--- Terran Terror

- There's a well-locked door at the end of the paddock room, which Maxwell handily jimmies open. There's a gust of stale air. A hulking shape - another corpse! - lies on the stairs. It's a Terran - the double-wide Dwarf ancestor race - but its stone skull has been hollowed out from the back. Its robes are covered in indecipherable words in an alien tongue.

- They descend and find a room covered in warnings. The ceiling is a big map of Loegria in sharp-edged plaster. Concentric circles denote the location of Ur-Yaltakh, another arcology. Around it, literally plastered on the walls, are warnings are in hundreds of languages, newer languages layered over their origins. They all say one thing - LEAVE THIS PLACE!

--- Ah, Soul

- They look around for which way out of here has the MOST warnings, and pick that direction!

- Sulphur engages Soul Sight to scout through walls, and to his surprise sees that the stone itself has a huge slow soul of its own! He sees through the soul-walls and spots a blazing bright soul deeper in.

- The doors here are airlocks connected by short lengths of corridor. You can't open one side without closing the other. The party piles through and find themselves in a pantry!

- There's fancy and well-preserved treats in here. Wagyu beef, black pudding, millefeuille, and suchlike. Duly grabbed!
- The bright soul is in the next room, so they go in...

--- The Breaching Terran

- Inside there is an absolutely huge Terran. An absolute unit. He's surrounded by piles of Dwarven gold coins and a small library of books and is charging and/or being charged by a big electrical thingy built into the wall.

- Communications swiftly fail. Sulphur tries to sneakily steal a book and, alas! Battle is joined!

- A hail of bullets and rats thump into the giant's stone body, then Maxwell follows up with a gambit to smash its huge body into the floor! It... vanishes? Chunks of rubble scatter everywhere.
- It can't be that easy, can it?
- Nostradama wastes no time in scraping gold into her big tarp - the tarp she hid under to save her from the poison storms during the Poisoned Years.

--- First Form

- The chunks of Terran on the floor vanish as he phases back up through the floor and returns fully formed! And now even madder! He swiftly crushes an entire rat swarm with his huge stone fists.

- Maxwell starts turning the floor clear with a Turn-Air glyph so they can see what's going on when the giant is phased in. Sulphur shatter the giant again with a critical hammer blow!

- It's back to scraping up trreasure between forms. The giant goes down quite easy, but doesn't stay down.

--- Second Form

- Zeppelino tries eating "just a little" chunk of the shattered Terran and soon feels it get sucked back out of him! The Terran is now leaner, meaner, more muscular! He's faster too!
- He stomps some more rats and is very upset at being (even only a little bit) eaten. Maxwell's glyph is at full power now, so they can see chunks spiralling around under the floor there!

- Nostradama has a plan! She whips out her tarpaulin again, scattering coins everywhere, and sweeps it under the Terran's feet. Maxwell gambits his grapnel line and trips the great monster! Now wrapped up in the tarp, Sulphur smashes him up!

- It works! It's being smashed quicker than it can reform, and is now fully stuck partway between forms!

- Everyone takes some chunks (Zeppelino chucking some pieces into the Dwarf paddock to see if it holds it) and Nostradama reclaims her tarp, rolling loads of gold coins into it.

- Incredible success!

Total: 8000 exp

Foes Defeated:

- The Breaching Terran (1000 exp)

Total: 1000 exp

Loot Looted:

- 7000 obols in dwarf coinage (7000 exp)

- Book #139 - The Holy Roman Empire (100 exp)

- Book #150 - The Runic Wars (100 exp)
- Book #322 - POWERLAD: Flirting in Fate (100 exp)
- Book #216 - On Oberon (100 exp)

- Various foodstuffs (50 exp)

Total: 7450 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)

- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Zoë the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 108685 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 87187 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 7 Specialist: 63344 (Level up at 112000)

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 36071 (Level up at 72000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +Faith! +Healing Pool! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 4 Rotting Fist Wizard: 11206 (Level up at 18000)

Session 410 - The Dwarves are Real!

Date: 3rd June 1625

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Dispater

New Characters:

- Sulphur, the spirit-combination of Sophia and Bulgur, the first and only Rotting Fist Wizard!

Revealed Backstory:

- Sulphur resurrected themselves into a new form through sheer WILL and sheer MUSCLE! It was the best moment of their life (and only) moment of their life so far. +2 to actions taken whilst alone.

Events:

--- Handy Artifact

- We return to the party in the aftermath of the previous boss battle. Sulphur, newly born from the body of a recently deceased Necromancer and the soul of long-dead Sophia, surveys the destruction.
- Luckily for our new Necro-Muscle hybrid, the dead Necromancers have a variety of spellbooks ready to be seized. Sulphur riffles through them, finding the secrets within. He also collects reagents from the dead.

- Zeppelino, meanwhile, is running around with a box dripping with gore, placing fresh hands inside, and healing everyone up with that dark artifact. His hands itch, and something moves under the velvet lining...
- Alarms peal, the doors lock, but they're otherwise unaffected. There are rats around here, as evinced by the way rats keep returning to Manrat Snels.

--- Funeral in the City THAT CRAWLS

- Manrat suggests taking Bulgur's body back up to give him a funeral. He was a good companion, a real rock for the team, and so all agree to blow their cash on raucous revelry! Trouble is, you can only really do a funeral in a city.
- Manrat has a counterpoint - is not Graktil the Megascorpion known as the CITY THAT CRAWLS??
- They return to Graktil, which even now rests on the pentagonal upper surface of buried Ur-Jeizhek. Manrat approaches, Bulgur in his arms, and Graktil's cephalothorax lowers to allow its pirate-king inside.

- Bulgur finds Julgoor's mask and turns it around, speaking the demon's name. Lo! Julgoor is summoned!

- Julgoor agrees to become a permanent fixture within Graktil! He will act as the onboard shopping mechanic, however he can only sell things that are small enough to be extruded from the mouth of his mask-face. He slorps the obols from Bulgur's corpse and licks them back onto Manrat's palm.
- While shopping commences, Manrat is busy organising the winged blue goblins to help convey the great and the good of Drudgespar above to Graktil down below. Bulgur was a known hero, the Upwards Plummeter, and many higher-ups and Blue Goblin notables are stoked to attend.

--- Out with the Old

- It is time for the funeral.
- Manrat covers the corpse in treasures to be taken to the afterlife (and/or unfortunate victims of the siege cannon).
- Maxwell puts on a huge buffet of Bulgur's favourite foods - primarily philly cheese steak since it contains glutenous bread, cheese, and meat.
- Zeppelino funds an open bar.
- As the guests watch on, Bulgur's corpse is reverently lowered into the radioactive torpedo tube on Graktil's stinger, there for his body to break down and become fuel for the siege cannon.

- As the body is interred, Manrat slips Bulgur's bandana off his corpse and wraps it around his own head. He is, as was promised by Bulgur, the new King of the Wheatlands!

- The next morning, dealing with sore heads but otherwise fine, our heroes return to the dungeon. They number Zeppelino and his goblin entourage, Manrat and his rodents, Maxwell and his maps, and the still-newly-reborn Sulphur.

--- Charles' Spit-Take

- They descend at speed, following known routes, until the reach the boss room once more.

- The descend again. It's another waiting room, but this has the vibe of the waiting room corral in the airport that's just before boarding and has like 1 out-of-order disabled toilet and a vending machine.
- There's Dwarven voices, from a nearby room, but nobody here understands Ur-Jeizhek.

- Manrat sends in a rat to check. There's a sound of alarm, then delight, then a tiny cracking sound as its neck is broken. Manrat lights up a Red-Eye Cigarette and surveys with infravision - there are Dwarves in there alright!
- Zeppelino kicks in the door. Should have been locked but these folks weren't careful. In the light of his torch he sees Dwarves hunched around a table, moving figures, braille rulebooks in their hands. They turn at the disturbance!
- "Ayy, Goblingas!" they yell in a silly voice! Charles barely avoids spraying his mouthful of water across the table! Battle is joined!

--- Runic Rumble

- The Dwarves broadly evade most of the onslaught of gunfire and arrows, unclasping their axes and instantly lighting the glyphs upon them! They're all Turn-Fire axes, and the flickering light of the flames reveals that floor-mounted repeating crossbows are mounted near the murderhole windows into the waiting room!
- Manrat's rats swarm into battle, taking over a Dwarf in short order. Zeppelino runs to a mounted repeater and starts firing into the crowd.
- Sulphur charges into battle and beheads a Dwarf in one swing of his axe, simultaneously slurping up the Last Breath that gutters from the corpse's lungs. Bellowing with the Voice of the Dead he takes a handful of teeth and punches it into the chest of the closest Dwarf. It explodes, wiping out a swarm of nearby rats, and blows the Dwarf to pieces.

- Another Dwarf, nearby, is strafed by Zeppelino on the repeater crossbow.

- Two Dwarves remain, and Maxwell kung-fu kicks one into the other. The blowback throws him into a goblin (crushing it) but kills the Dwarf. The remaining goblins flow in with spears and pierce the last Dwarf in multiple places.

--- Remains

- They investigate the table these Dwarves were hunched over. If only they'd been able to speak the language, this is some sort of tabletop role-playing game called Humans & Hamlets!

- Zeppelino nicks the stone books and game pieces. Maybe he'd be into this?

- Sulphur extracts teeth for that (very effective) teeth bomb while the others have a look at the Dwarves' axes. Maxwell recognises these runes - Turn-Fire on Saviourbone-imbued metal. Very fancy.
- Sulphur copies the rune onto his hammer, the others distribute the axes. Zeppelino and Maxwell take one each, and Zeppelino discovers that a couple of his goblins have just enough of a soul to actually power these things!

- Zeppelino heals people with his hand-box. At some point it feels like a hand under the velvet is trying to squeeze his hand back, straining to intertwine its fingers...

--- Bro We Cooked

- Finally they check the Dwarves' gaming table and discover snacks! Rat jerky, cheetos, twiglets, and a cursed jar of Smarties where 5% of them are M&Ms, clearly the work of a cruel and insane wizard.
- They cook up an astonishingly bland meal of "Gamusfulen", Ur-Jeizhek for Gamer Fuel, made from Rat, Cheeto, Mushroom and Potato. It's not great, but it's calories the body craves during a long gaming sesh!

Total: 8000 exp

Funeral Rites:

- Manrat donated 20 000 obols (20 000 exp)

- Sulphur donated 1000 obols (1000 exp)

- Zeppelino donated 2000 obols (2000 exp)
- Maxwell donated 567 obols (567 exp)

Foes Defeated:

- A gaming group of Ur-Jeizhek Dwarves (300 exp)

Total: 300 exp

Loot Looted:

- Various Gamer Foodstuffs (20 exp)

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster and Chef (300 exp/level)
- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Cartographer (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 106321 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 85523 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 7 Specialist: 60280 (Level up at 112000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 4 Rotting Fist Wizard: 9142 (Level up at 18000)
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!