Session 412 - What Does This Button Do?

 Date: 24th June 1625

Moon Phase: New Moon

Moon Face: Pocked Face

Zenith Deity: The Scorned

New Characters:

- Lazy Lie, a Fighter who looks remarkably like a big blue dragon in a moustache... but that can't be right surely??

Revealed Backstory:

- Sulphur gave generously to Bulgur's funeral! +2 Charisma

- Nostradama knocked on a scary old door in a scary old house in the hopes of converting the scary old woman to the light of Nonanism! +2 to doing something everyone says is a bad idea

- Gaius Julius Drusus ate the biggest human he'd ever seen to prove his bravery! +2 Strength

Events:

--- A Long-Prophesied Return

- The party, seeking snacks after their battle with the massive Terran, enter the dungeon pantry.

- Within they find a big blue dragon who says he's a Fighter, and a returning character from long ago! Gaius Julius Drusus, alleged Roman Emperor and Halfling!

- Sulphur cooks a delicious beef and black pudding wellington. It's genuinely amazing.

--- Mysterious Seating Arrangement

- They hear the knocking of an encounter at an external door, but they'd cleverly countermanded it by opening just the inward-facing airlock doors.

- Still, maybe not that way.

- They come to a large mysterious cube-shaped room. Padded seats with rollercoaster-style braces are gimballed to the walls.

- Maxwell draws a Talk-Electricity rune to communicate with the electronics. The vibes are good, so the electricity does him a solid and flips out a big console with a big red button on it! It also has two keys at either end which give that "turn these simultaneously" vibe.

--- Strap In

- Maxwell is enamoured of the big red button. What could go wrong with pressing a big red button?

- Everyone else straps into a seat, and one of the seats swings down for Maxwell.
- He pressed the button and...
- BOOOMM!!!! Massive explosion! Everyone's seats rock and their stomachs drop as they fall!
- After several stomach-lurching seconds there's a great crash. The seats worked perfectly though, everyone's unharmed.

--- You Maniacs, You Blew It Up!

- They spin the door open and beyond is... a disaster. It's all gone. They're inside a great spherical impact crater. A whole lower section of Drudgespar above has been broken off above, a huge spike aimed ominously downwards. The glooping stuff of the wastes leaks in around it. The dungeon itself is just... gone.

- There is a great tearing, cracking sound as the rest of Drudgespar shears off. The blue goblins, the blue whale balloon, and all the other balloons that were trying to float Drudgespar can finally take the weight!
- Bits of giant scorpion rain down to Manrat's horror. He'd just paid for that!

--- Dwarf Defence

- Before they can truly work out what to do next, hatches open up around the circular smooth surface of the bottom of the impact crater. Dwarves pop out along with mounted repeater crossbows!
- They are wearing slick black armour with clear bubble helmets and they are, for fairly good reason, absolutely livid.

- Battle is joined. The crossbows (and importantly, hatches) are arrayed around the room in a big circle, so the party splits into multiple groups to charge in!
- Maxwell has a solo battle with a Dwarf on the long ladder that leads down from the hatch, firing beams at each other. He gambits to hook the Dwarf with his fire axe and sends it down the shaft, before doing another gambit to swing down after and gut it!
- He lands and finds himself surrounded by Dwarves, but they're all holding back in fear of this demon who blew up the world then murdered their compatriot with a flaming axe.

- Meanwhile Sulphur has been punching (and Last Breath collecting) his way down one of the hatches. He slurps up some sputum and engages Soul Vision which lets him see souls, and due to a faint soul-energy in the stone he can see in the dark. He spots the souls of Zeppelino and co and starts running the corridor.
- Speaking of Zeppelino and co, the "co" here being Manrat and Nostradama, they've slid down the hatch ladder and are currently under assault by a whole squad of Dwarves. After eating a few close calls, they decide discretion is the better part of valour and bug out. Zeppelino brings up the rear, his talking shield biting undies to protect them from below.

--- Corpse-Punch!

- Sulphur sees the others escaping and slips through that room while the Dwarf squad is firing up the shaft. Stealth!
- He keeps going, seeing Maxwell ahead and the souls of the cowering Dwarves.

- Maxwell sees Sulphur coming and with a great burst of strength throws the corpse of the Dwarf he killed towards him! Sulphur sees what's coming, brings back a fist, and flash-steps into a Corpse Explosion Punch!

- The corpse explodes, showering the surrounding Dwarfs in shards of bone and jagged discs of solidified blood! Maxwell and Sulphur escape while the Dwarfs scream in pain and shock.

--- Safety Box

- The various party members arrive up top to find that Gaius and Lazy Lie have managed to mount a repeating crossbow onto the "fighter" dragon's back, which again is suspicious. Gaius has mounted the other's back and created a sort of biological technical. He gives cover fire as the others run back to the safety of the cube!

Total: 8000 exp

Loot Acquired:

- Ramen packets and olive oil (10 exp)
- Dwarf "space suit"

Total: 10 exp

Enemies Defeated

- Loads of Dwarves (1000 exp)

Total: 1000 exp

OOC:

Charles the Chronicler (100 exp/level)

George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

Carter the Cartergrapher (100 exp/level)

Nick the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Tim the Triage (100 exp/level)

Kitty the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 109973 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 88475 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 7 Specialist: 64632 (Level up at 112000)

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 37359 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 4 Boo-gilist: 12494 (Level up at 18000)

- Timothy / Gaius Julius Drusus, Level 3 Halfling: 7031 (Level up at 8000)

- Nick / Lazy Lie, Level 1 Suspiciously Dragon-Shaped Fighter: 1288 (Level up at 2000)

Session 411 - This Isn't Even My Final Form!!

Date: 17th June 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face

Zenith Deity: Minerva

Revealed Backstory:

- Nostradama's home town was beset by a roving Am-Dram group. She ran off to join them! +1 to Reaction Rolls with outsiders, troupes and other social itinerants

- Sulphur spurned the tyrant Death Itself and was reborn anew! +2 to hit kings, leaders, and tyrants

- Maxwell always tries to fix problems on the fly, rather than clean up the mess afterwards. +2 to actions taken to salvage a situation that's just gone horribly wrong.

Events:

--- Corpse Farm

- We reunite with our favourite team of delvers as they explore deeper into the extensive queueing system that leads down and down to the long-lost Dwarven arcology of Ur-Jeizhek. The air is thick with the smell of stone.
- Nostradama has returned, and exhorts her fellow travellers to follow the Nonanist Gods. None heed the call, but at least she's got the Lady's luck on her side.

- Carrying on from the room where they recently murdered a bunch of Ur-Jeizhek Dwarves, they head through into a big cool underground farm filled with Plump Helmet Mushrooms. Zeppelino harvests some, and in so doing discovers that this farm is a graveyard! Corpses feed the mushrooms from the soil!
- Sulphur is intrigued, he could raise these cadavers if he wanted. For now he simply takes some of the grave dirt to power his spells.

- They move off but eat a wave of spores released from the mushrooms! No harm done, but it makes them cough and splutter.

--- Farmed Corpses

- The next room has a multitude of small paddocks, all of which contain the long-rotted corpses of various species of humanoid.

- Sulphur hops the fence into the Human Paddock and - alas! - is stuck! From inside it looks like there's no way out at all, although the others can see him in there. Shenanigans ensue, eventually resulting in the sacrifice of one of Zeppelino's goblins (name of Babyccino) but the reclamation of Sulphur!

--- Terran Terror

- There's a well-locked door at the end of the paddock room, which Maxwell handily jimmies open. There's a gust of stale air. A hulking shape - another corpse! - lies on the stairs. It's a Terran - the double-wide Dwarf ancestor race - but its stone skull has been hollowed out from the back. Its robes are covered in indecipherable words in an alien tongue.

- They descend and find a room covered in warnings. The ceiling is a big map of Loegria in sharp-edged plaster. Concentric circles denote the location of Ur-Yaltakh, another arcology. Around it, literally plastered on the walls, are warnings are in hundreds of languages, newer languages layered over their origins. They all say one thing - LEAVE THIS PLACE!

--- Ah, Soul

- They look around for which way out of here has the MOST warnings, and pick that direction!

- Sulphur engages Soul Sight to scout through walls, and to his surprise sees that the stone itself has a huge slow soul of its own! He sees through the soul-walls and spots a blazing bright soul deeper in.

- The doors here are airlocks connected by short lengths of corridor. You can't open one side without closing the other. The party piles through and find themselves in a pantry!

- There's fancy and well-preserved treats in here. Wagyu beef, black pudding, millefeuille, and suchlike. Duly grabbed!
- The bright soul is in the next room, so they go in...

--- The Breaching Terran

- Inside there is an absolutely huge Terran. An absolute unit. He's surrounded by piles of Dwarven gold coins and a small library of books and is charging and/or being charged by a big electrical thingy built into the wall.

- Communications swiftly fail. Sulphur tries to sneakily steal a book and, alas! Battle is joined!

- A hail of bullets and rats thump into the giant's stone body, then Maxwell follows up with a gambit to smash its huge body into the floor! It... vanishes? Chunks of rubble scatter everywhere.
- It can't be that easy, can it?
- Nostradama wastes no time in scraping gold into her big tarp - the tarp she hid under to save her from the poison storms during the Poisoned Years.

--- First Form

- The chunks of Terran on the floor vanish as he phases back up through the floor and returns fully formed! And now even madder! He swiftly crushes an entire rat swarm with his huge stone fists.

- Maxwell starts turning the floor clear with a Turn-Air glyph so they can see what's going on when the giant is phased in. Sulphur shatter the giant again with a critical hammer blow!

- It's back to scraping up trreasure between forms. The giant goes down quite easy, but doesn't stay down.

--- Second Form

- Zeppelino tries eating "just a little" chunk of the shattered Terran and soon feels it get sucked back out of him! The Terran is now leaner, meaner, more muscular! He's faster too!
- He stomps some more rats and is very upset at being (even only a little bit) eaten. Maxwell's glyph is at full power now, so they can see chunks spiralling around under the floor there!

- Nostradama has a plan! She whips out her tarpaulin again, scattering coins everywhere, and sweeps it under the Terran's feet. Maxwell gambits his grapnel line and trips the great monster! Now wrapped up in the tarp, Sulphur smashes him up!

- It works! It's being smashed quicker than it can reform, and is now fully stuck partway between forms!

- Everyone takes some chunks (Zeppelino chucking some pieces into the Dwarf paddock to see if it holds it) and Nostradama reclaims her tarp, rolling loads of gold coins into it.

- Incredible success!

Total: 8000 exp

Foes Defeated:

- The Breaching Terran (1000 exp)

Total: 1000 exp

Loot Looted:

- 7000 obols in dwarf coinage (7000 exp)

- Book #139 - The Holy Roman Empire (100 exp)

- Book #150 - The Runic Wars (100 exp)
- Book #322 - POWERLAD: Flirting in Fate (100 exp)
- Book #216 - On Oberon (100 exp)

- Various foodstuffs (50 exp)

Total: 7450 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)

- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Zoë the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 108685 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 87187 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 7 Specialist: 63344 (Level up at 112000)

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 36071 (Level up at 72000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +Faith! +Healing Pool! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 4 Rotting Fist Wizard: 11206 (Level up at 18000)

Session 410 - The Dwarves are Real!

Date: 3rd June 1625

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Dispater

New Characters:

- Sulphur, the spirit-combination of Sophia and Bulgur, the first and only Rotting Fist Wizard!

Revealed Backstory:

- Sulphur resurrected themselves into a new form through sheer WILL and sheer MUSCLE! It was the best moment of their life (and only) moment of their life so far. +2 to actions taken whilst alone.

Events:

--- Handy Artifact

- We return to the party in the aftermath of the previous boss battle. Sulphur, newly born from the body of a recently deceased Necromancer and the soul of long-dead Sophia, surveys the destruction.
- Luckily for our new Necro-Muscle hybrid, the dead Necromancers have a variety of spellbooks ready to be seized. Sulphur riffles through them, finding the secrets within. He also collects reagents from the dead.

- Zeppelino, meanwhile, is running around with a box dripping with gore, placing fresh hands inside, and healing everyone up with that dark artifact. His hands itch, and something moves under the velvet lining...
- Alarms peal, the doors lock, but they're otherwise unaffected. There are rats around here, as evinced by the way rats keep returning to Manrat Snels.

--- Funeral in the City THAT CRAWLS

- Manrat suggests taking Bulgur's body back up to give him a funeral. He was a good companion, a real rock for the team, and so all agree to blow their cash on raucous revelry! Trouble is, you can only really do a funeral in a city.
- Manrat has a counterpoint - is not Graktil the Megascorpion known as the CITY THAT CRAWLS??
- They return to Graktil, which even now rests on the pentagonal upper surface of buried Ur-Jeizhek. Manrat approaches, Bulgur in his arms, and Graktil's cephalothorax lowers to allow its pirate-king inside.

- Bulgur finds Julgoor's mask and turns it around, speaking the demon's name. Lo! Julgoor is summoned!

- Julgoor agrees to become a permanent fixture within Graktil! He will act as the onboard shopping mechanic, however he can only sell things that are small enough to be extruded from the mouth of his mask-face. He slorps the obols from Bulgur's corpse and licks them back onto Manrat's palm.
- While shopping commences, Manrat is busy organising the winged blue goblins to help convey the great and the good of Drudgespar above to Graktil down below. Bulgur was a known hero, the Upwards Plummeter, and many higher-ups and Blue Goblin notables are stoked to attend.

--- Out with the Old

- It is time for the funeral.
- Manrat covers the corpse in treasures to be taken to the afterlife (and/or unfortunate victims of the siege cannon).
- Maxwell puts on a huge buffet of Bulgur's favourite foods - primarily philly cheese steak since it contains glutenous bread, cheese, and meat.
- Zeppelino funds an open bar.
- As the guests watch on, Bulgur's corpse is reverently lowered into the radioactive torpedo tube on Graktil's stinger, there for his body to break down and become fuel for the siege cannon.

- As the body is interred, Manrat slips Bulgur's bandana off his corpse and wraps it around his own head. He is, as was promised by Bulgur, the new King of the Wheatlands!

- The next morning, dealing with sore heads but otherwise fine, our heroes return to the dungeon. They number Zeppelino and his goblin entourage, Manrat and his rodents, Maxwell and his maps, and the still-newly-reborn Sulphur.

--- Charles' Spit-Take

- They descend at speed, following known routes, until the reach the boss room once more.

- The descend again. It's another waiting room, but this has the vibe of the waiting room corral in the airport that's just before boarding and has like 1 out-of-order disabled toilet and a vending machine.
- There's Dwarven voices, from a nearby room, but nobody here understands Ur-Jeizhek.

- Manrat sends in a rat to check. There's a sound of alarm, then delight, then a tiny cracking sound as its neck is broken. Manrat lights up a Red-Eye Cigarette and surveys with infravision - there are Dwarves in there alright!
- Zeppelino kicks in the door. Should have been locked but these folks weren't careful. In the light of his torch he sees Dwarves hunched around a table, moving figures, braille rulebooks in their hands. They turn at the disturbance!
- "Ayy, Goblingas!" they yell in a silly voice! Charles barely avoids spraying his mouthful of water across the table! Battle is joined!

--- Runic Rumble

- The Dwarves broadly evade most of the onslaught of gunfire and arrows, unclasping their axes and instantly lighting the glyphs upon them! They're all Turn-Fire axes, and the flickering light of the flames reveals that floor-mounted repeating crossbows are mounted near the murderhole windows into the waiting room!
- Manrat's rats swarm into battle, taking over a Dwarf in short order. Zeppelino runs to a mounted repeater and starts firing into the crowd.
- Sulphur charges into battle and beheads a Dwarf in one swing of his axe, simultaneously slurping up the Last Breath that gutters from the corpse's lungs. Bellowing with the Voice of the Dead he takes a handful of teeth and punches it into the chest of the closest Dwarf. It explodes, wiping out a swarm of nearby rats, and blows the Dwarf to pieces.

- Another Dwarf, nearby, is strafed by Zeppelino on the repeater crossbow.

- Two Dwarves remain, and Maxwell kung-fu kicks one into the other. The blowback throws him into a goblin (crushing it) but kills the Dwarf. The remaining goblins flow in with spears and pierce the last Dwarf in multiple places.

--- Remains

- They investigate the table these Dwarves were hunched over. If only they'd been able to speak the language, this is some sort of tabletop role-playing game called Humans & Hamlets!

- Zeppelino nicks the stone books and game pieces. Maybe he'd be into this?

- Sulphur extracts teeth for that (very effective) teeth bomb while the others have a look at the Dwarves' axes. Maxwell recognises these runes - Turn-Fire on Saviourbone-imbued metal. Very fancy.
- Sulphur copies the rune onto his hammer, the others distribute the axes. Zeppelino and Maxwell take one each, and Zeppelino discovers that a couple of his goblins have just enough of a soul to actually power these things!

- Zeppelino heals people with his hand-box. At some point it feels like a hand under the velvet is trying to squeeze his hand back, straining to intertwine its fingers...

--- Bro We Cooked

- Finally they check the Dwarves' gaming table and discover snacks! Rat jerky, cheetos, twiglets, and a cursed jar of Smarties where 5% of them are M&Ms, clearly the work of a cruel and insane wizard.
- They cook up an astonishingly bland meal of "Gamusfulen", Ur-Jeizhek for Gamer Fuel, made from Rat, Cheeto, Mushroom and Potato. It's not great, but it's calories the body craves during a long gaming sesh!

Total: 8000 exp

Funeral Rites:

- Manrat donated 20 000 obols (20 000 exp)

- Sulphur donated 1000 obols (1000 exp)

- Zeppelino donated 2000 obols (2000 exp)
- Maxwell donated 567 obols (567 exp)

Foes Defeated:

- A gaming group of Ur-Jeizhek Dwarves (300 exp)

Total: 300 exp

Loot Looted:

- Various Gamer Foodstuffs (20 exp)

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster and Chef (300 exp/level)
- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Cartographer (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 106321 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 85523 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 7 Specialist: 60280 (Level up at 112000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 4 Rotting Fist Wizard: 9142 (Level up at 18000)
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

Session 409 - Last Gasp, First Breath

Date: 27th May 1625

Moon Phase: New Moon

Moon Face: Pocked Face

Zenith Deity: Deusix (Red)

Events:

 

--- Higher-Lower-Middle Cultist Guthrie Clamps

- Bulgur is in a glass walkway looking into a large waiting area containing many Necromancers and skeletons and zombies. One sits on a throne of bone, huge leprous monster at his back, and stretches out a lazy hand. "Attack!"

- Bulgur rushes in with a smile on his face.

- Elsewhere, the others are cutting their way through a maze of velvet ropes on the way to Bulgur's location in the boss room. We make up a gimmick on the fly which means they'll take a few rounds to arrive after hearing Bulgur's battle cry. Alas, it's going to be too late.

- Bulgur runs straight for the boss - Higher-Lower-Middle Cultist Guthrie Clamps on his bone throne. He swigs his Potion of Extra-Healing, swings, and... the Bone Throne itself animates and gets in the way!
- Bulgur puts his back into it and SHATTERS the Bone Throne in a single blow! Guthrie himself yells out as he hits the ground, right under the feet of his leprous beast.

- The lesser Necromancers prepare spells and the Dead minions surge in to attack. Bulgur is in his element and hefts his axe at the leprous beast which... vanishes.
- "Bheinid yhou" it says, and deals one, two devastating blows to Bulgur's kidneys which send him blasting into the wall. It leaves a Bulgur-shaped crater.

--- Sophia Reborn

- Bulgur grunts as he pulls himself from the wall. The Bone Throne is reforming around Guthrie to become a sort of exo-suit. Spells go off, and Bulgur is slammed by Atrophy Beams. Something ancient in Bulgur goes off and releases Chaos in return!
- The skeletons and zombies fall at the feet of one of the Necromancers in worship.
- Something even stranger happens to Bulgur.

- An old soul enters Bulgur's body. The long-dead soul of Sophia, a Necromancer dead for decades.

- Bulgur is now a Lictor, containing the soul of Sophia and the vestiges of Bulgur. A hybrid. More than the sum of their parts. More than enough.
- Bone bullets fired by the Necromancers embed into his skin. Chaos reigns and plants push up from the dungeon floor, the food in the room spoils with rot.

--- Blistering Assault

- Sophia/Bulgur rages on the edge of death. They shatter the throne-suit. Guthrie hasn't got time to scream.
- They strangle the Necromancer. Thumbs crush his windpipe. He tries to beg.

- A blast of ghosts and ectoplasm snaps through them, straight through their heart.

- They're dead. The hole straight through their chest pumps with black blood.

- The blast went straight through Guthrie too. They all die together.

--- Last Gasp

- Bulgur/Sophia stands anyway. They turn and fling the corpse of Guthrie Clamps and take the first Necromancer's body off at the knees. Absurd strength floods their body, black blood dripping through the hole in their chest.

- They stagger forward with the Pumpkinhead Axe and... there's a shimmer as the leprosy beast flash-steps into the path and crushes a leg. It's still not enough to stop them.

- Bulgur/Sophia crushes the creature to the ground and grinds their shattered leg-stump into its chest as it groans a bestial catechism and its leprous mass grows up and through, pinning them to the floor.

- Unable to walk, Bulgur/Sophia throws their arsenal of swords and axes and daggers at everyone in sight.
- A good death.

- Finally, they rest. Ah, but yet...

--- Late to the Party

- Finally, finally, the rest of the party shows up to a chaotic sea of blood and bone and unleash the whirlwind.

- Zeppelino's goblin firing squad shoots arrow after arrow into the remaining enemy.
- Manrat, aghast at the death of his liege, opens up with gunfire.
- Zeppelino himself tackles the skeleton-worshipper Necromancer into a boiling pot of rotting stew.
- Bulgur/Sophia's eyes open once more. There is more blood to spill!
- They are a blender in the centre of the room. All kicked or thrown or fishing-rodded to them are turned into a fine mist. Sophia takes control and sends a one-handed blast of ectoplasm at the remaining Necromancers, blasting holes through their chests and sending their bodies careening into the wall.
- Sophia speaks with the Voice of the Dead with her last breath and reforms the Bone Throne behind their own shattered body.

- They slump into the bone throne.

- Bulgur's voice booms out - "I am Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Strongest Man in Loegria, and my Honour Remains".
- Their body finally stops moving.
- A good death.

--- First Breath

- Something stirs in the body of Sophia/Bulgur. The ghastly energies unleashed in this place allow those present to see a blue ghost of Bulgur emerge from the body. It arises, looks around, feels his chest. He floats to Manrat and bestows upon him the title of the heir to the Wheat Throne!

- The body itself is shivering, reknitting. Ghosts swirl around it. The eyes that open in its face are not Bulgur's. They're black, swirling, like galaxies.
- It's mouth opens and tells the world that it is the body of Bulgur with the mind of Sophia! The name is Bulgaria! It is the Rotting Fist Wizard!

--- Loot the Room in an Age of Miracles

- Despite the reincarnation of an elder hero, there's work to be done. Specifically, loot!

- They take the Necromancers' spellbooks (useful for the new grimoire-less Bulgaria) and the a couple of Rituals on ancient scrolls. There's also 6000 obols-worth of coins and general small-but-valuable treasure, along with a big chunk of gold. The shattered wall nearby looks to go to the surface.

- Maxwell conjures Gifflewim by the simple expedient of saying his name three times, and Maxwell pays back his debt. Gifflewim is between Ideas at the moment, the Idea of Wheat and the Idea of Thorns warring. It's a bit awkward, but the deposit is made regardless.

- He also tells them that Julgoor has taken control of their mutual business and cleansed himself with the magic items he controls now. Disturbing news.

- With that minor bombshell, and the apparent compete mutual trust with the newly formed revenant of a Necromancer in their number, they face the way down and hope it's a better place than up here...

Total: 8000 exp

Foes Defeated:

- A mob of various Dead (70 exp)

- A few Necromancers (225 exp)

- The Boss Necromancer (250 exp)

- His Bone Throne (100 exp)

- A Leprosy Monster (1000 exp)

Total: 1645 exp

Loot Looted:

- Ritual #155 - The Leprous Dweller Below

- Ritual #167 - The Ninety-Six Chants of the Leprous One

- Grimoire containing: #76 Teeth Bomb, #70 Ghost Shield and #81 Soul Sight

- Grimoire containing: #56 Black Blood Baptism, #26 Detect Bones and #54 False Life

- Grimoire containing: #8  Detect Animated Dead, #59 Skeleton Steed and #31 Rise From Your Grave

- Coins and Trinkets worth 6000 obols (6000 exp)
- Gold Chunk (5000 exp)

Total: 11000 exp

OOC:

- "El Ruedero" the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)

- "Kittita" the Expedition Leader and Chef (200 exp/level)

- "Carlos" the Paymaster (100 exp/level)
- "Jorge" the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 83541 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 81743 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 6 Specialist: 55533 (Level up at 56000)

- Kitty / Bulgaria, Level 3 Rotting Fist Wizard: 5762 (Level up at 9000)
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! Plus Backstory!
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! Plus Backstory!

Session 408 - Queue Anon

Date: 20th May 1625

Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Moon Face: Dragon Face
Zenith Deity: The Allfather

Events:

--- Bulgur's First Fall

- We rejoin the party in a roomful of "Golive Oil", being olive oil infused with the piquant flavour of goblin flesh. They are in an upper layer of Ur-Jeizhek, the long-buried Dwarven arcology beneath Drudgespar. The stonework interlocks pleasingly.

- They head out and find a room with drinks trolleys lined up against one wall! There are glass bottles of water, and old nasty biscuits. They're just scooping up the biscuits when an alarm sounds and the whole room rumbles and somehow swings like it's on a big hinge!

- They worry that this means they've been taken elsewhere as if on a big elevator, but thankfully not. The drinks trolleys somehow stay exactly where they are as everyone falls towards the far wall which is briefly testing out the idea of being a floor.

- The room swings back into place and the doors reopen. They come out onto a long corridor. Directly across is a circular room with a big sandpit in the middle, a big lump of pumice and a tiny play-pickaxe, and a counter with fake coins on it. Manrat identifies it immediately as a Dwarf creche!

- Also in this room, amongst the circling seats, they find some real Ur-Jeizhek coinage and a book written in that language. The book has a sort of Vitruvian Dwarf on it surrounded by 9 satellite gods.

- They continue along the corridor and Bulgur falls! He stepped on an irising door and it opened underneath him! He falls about 20' (which isn't as bad due to his magic float boots) into a corridor that's oriented up-down, as if it's meant to be on its side. Zeppelino catches himself before he falls in too!

--- Occupied

- They scope out some more rooms, these ones with signs. One has a Dwarven variation on a ninefold Nonanist symbol, the other a pile of gems. Of course they go into the gems room!
- Inside there are lots of stalls. Turns out the pile of gems sign is Dwarven for the lavatories. One of the stalls is occupied, however...

- After much shenanigans trying to look under, over and around the toilet stall, Zeppelino gets out an array of perfumes and lollipops and pretends to be the Toilet Man.

- The guy in the toilet finally comes out and... it's a guy! Like a human man! He's got very long billowy culty robes, and his name is Morden Diablo. When asked what he's doing here, he answers that he was doing a poo. Further questioning reveals that he's here to find treasure and meaning, and his boss is Higher-Lower-Middle-Cultist Guthrie Clamps. They let him go on his way.

- Studying the toilets reveals that they're a sort of gem recycler system for the Dwarves who culturally eat gems. They rattle down the toilet, get polished and cleaned, and are then collected from near the door to be re-eaten. There's only gem dust in the collector, alas.

--- Rats!

- Just then a pale blue light begins coalescing in the middle of the bathroom and suddenly forms into a single human eye! It looks all around the room and sees them, then ponks to the floor. Rats start pouring from the pipes!

- Manrat sends out a rat delegation to talk to them, and the rats agree not to attack if they're bought off with fresh-ish meat. Manrat chucks them some hellhound meat and they're very happy!

--- Cultists!

 - Another eye warps into the room and Bulgur slices it in half... but not before it's alerted more reinforcements!

- Zeppelino is already out the door and hiding in the god room. Inside the Nine High Gods are depicted in statue form, but they're double-wide Dwarves like the Terrans. It's all been graffitied and generally messed with by the cultists though. Much sacrilege.

- Outside he can hear Morden Diablo has returned but with backup! He's got some cultist buddies and a load of skeletons! Battle is joined!

- It's a chaotic battle. Bulgur smashing the skeletons to bits while Manrat fires into the melee, hitting Bulgur. Two of the cultists tear their way out of their own skins and go to attack in skeleton form... but Manrat sends his rats to nibble on their discarded flesh! It's horrifying!

- Zeppelino and his goblin firing squad attack from the side of the skeleton column to surprisingly good effect!

- An ectenic blast from one of the cultists blasts Bulgur into two of the skeletons, destroying them both with sheer blunt force!

- Seeing the tide turn (and the skeleton-cultists seeing that the rats are devouring their spleens) the cultists turn and try to run! Alas it's not enough. The skeleton-cultists grab their rat-infested skins and flee, and Morden Diablo himself is struck down as he turns to run.
- The last surviving cultists begs for his life. He says he's from the Unctuous Aspirants cult and that they've been here for months after finding a hidden way in from the wastes. He also says that this corridor is the VIP lane, the cult is down the other corridor which is the Pleb lane.

- They truss up the cultist and force him to take them to the pleb line, but every time they try to make him give directions he ends up shouting and yelling. The pleb line is easy enough to find anyway! It's just right at the entrance instead of left.

--- Bulgur Falls Again

- They head along the pleb line queue and - oh no! - Bulgur falls into a pit again! He gets out with his moon boots, but still this is pretty much the only way he's been getting hurt!

- The next room has a sort of coin machine next to a door, and the main queue line going onwards to the right.

- Bulgur puts coins in, and after 10 the door opens! It's some sort of fast track lane! He goes through and the door shunks shut behind him.

- Bulgur strides through the velvet ropes marking the queueing lanes and raps on the door at the end. There's a red light but nothing happens.

- Finally it goes green! Bulgur goes through and is stopped at... another door. He waits, and as he waits he feels his back going numb...

- There's nothing behind him so he flails with his axe, hitting a gelatinous cube! They exchange blows and Bulgur is very lucky to not get hit! He makes short work of the cube, then turns back to the door to wait.

--- Heathrow Vibes

The other two have gone through the non-fasttrack line and are in a wide hall with velvet ropes to show where to queue! They ignore them and head to the front of the room. They see an (empty) guard room that stretches nearly across the whole room, and booths at the front where presumably their passports would be inspected.

- Hearing a distant yell from Bulgur, they run across the room!

--- Clamps Cliffhanger

- The door in front of the goo-covered Bulgur opens into a short glass-walled tunnel that looks out into a main room. In said main room are loads of undead and necromancers! They're eating lunch, and look up in concern as Bulgur says something muffled behind the glass!

- On a throne of bone, Guthrie Clamps himself sits smirking! Behind him is a big horrible undead contruct of some sort, a towering man-shaped thing with strips of leprous skin hanging off its swollen body.

- Guthrie lazily slurps a Last Breath and commands his minions to attack Bulgur!

- Bulgur yells a battle cry, hefts his pumpkinhead axe, and readies a charge! Zeppelino and Manrat rush across the security hall to his aid! And... the pub does last orders and closes for the evening.

- Next time... death!?

Total: 8000 exp

Treasure:

- 46 Ur-Jeizhek coins (46 exp)

- A stone book about gods written in Ur-Jeizhek (50 exp)
- 3 Last Breaths

- Flask of strong liquor

Total: 96 exp

Foes:

- Several rat swarms (60 exp)

- Some Necromancers (300 exp)

- A bunch of skeletons (100 exp)

- A gelatinous cube (300 exp)

Total: 760 exp

OOC:

- Kitty the Chronicler & Paymaster (200 exp/level)

- Charles the Expedition Leader & Chef (200 exp/level)

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 7 Barbarian: 97080 (Level up at 128000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 76979 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 75881 (Level up at 128000)

Session 407 - Oiling Up in Ur-Jeizhek

Date: 29th April 1625

Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Alaunus

New Characters:

- Algernon, a mayfly awakened by circumstances unknown. Its familiar is a human man. Muscle Wizard (he's the muscle, it's the wizard).

New Backstory:

- Strangers entered Zeppelino's town (Drudgespar) and he helped scare them away due to suspicions that they were in league with the hated Dwarves. +2 Strength.

- While Zeppelino was in the lost dimension, he saw something awful vanish away... Once per session, induce crippling fear in a creature who sees something horrible behind you.

Events:

--- Death and Taxes

- Algernon the Mayfly flits around the head of his human familiar as it enters the bustling goblin city of Drudgespar. According to the guards, the city is being lifted so it's lucky to get in when it still can!
- Roofworks continue - large-scale Repel Lightning runes are being drawn facing upwards towards the lightning-wielding Drakencult in the Rigging above. The Rigging itself strains against the upwards force of an enormous stitched-together blue whale balloon, pulling the city out of the sucking muck of the Wastes.

- It sees a strange sight. In front of an enormous part-mechanical scorpion, a haphazard party of adventurer types is being accosted by goblin tax collectors, demanding back taxes. With a lazy flick of the claw the tax collectors are all mulched!

- Algernon is somehow enamoured with joining this group. Algernon joins the party!

--- Ur-Jeizhek Exposed!

- The party is debating where to go next since Drudgespar is, for now, in an uneasy truce between the Drakencult above and the main population below.

- But wait, wasn't Ur-Jeizhek accessible now since the city's being lifted into the air? Let's go there!
- Maxwell grabs some explosives, Zeppelino recruits some more goblins, and they take the attack scorpion to the outside of the city.

- It's a sloppy slide down through the muck, the scorpion bracing against the slick melted-together brick of outer Drudgespar. They can see changes in the strata of the city walls as they go down, the colours of the oozing wasteland through time. Various shades of purples and blues and blacks, with the occasional stark band of green.

- They soon arrive at the bottom and see glowing Ur-Jeizhek, the first surface-worlders to see it for over a thousand years! The surface is a football field-sized plane of verdegrised brass carved with softly glowing sigils. Five obvious entrances (with turnstiles) are arranged around the space in a pentagon, it looks like the exposed turnstiles structures could hinge closed to be flush with the surface.

--- Queue Jumping Not Tolerated
- Alas, these are person-sized entrances, so the attack scorpion will have to wait here for now. Manrat puts it on sentry mode (ie. the crew is on standby).
- Maxwell tries to hope the nearest turnstile and... BAM! A Dwarf-shaped robot pops up and shoots him!

- Zeppelino flings his Gunk Bomb into the place where the robot popped out, and the next time someone jumps the turnstile it pops up into the glue, disabling it! Zeppelino leaves an Out of Order sign and the party continue in.

--- Ungreased Tube

- Below, the entry chamber is dominated by a big statue of the Allfather. He looks Terran - double-wide Dwarf - rather than the human form our resident Nonanists are used to. The surroundings are carved with images of abundance. Vast crops of Plump Helmet mushrooms and overpopulated fields of meat beasts like rats and grubs.
- They discover that the eyes of the Allfather are actually buttons! A flume opens up beneath the statue, perfectly person-sized. Algernon sends his man-shaped familiar down the chute, a booming voice says "death waits for you!", and the familiar somehow reforms from the mayfly's body. Something killed it.

- Maxwell pours some oil down the flume and sets it alight, hoping to burn whatever it is down there. Then they tie a rope around Bulgur and send him down to scout. He can't see what's down there, but the echoes indicate that there's a room down there. They slide down a torch.

- Bulgur, now holding the torch, looks around the place. The flume does indeed end in a big pit, there are bones at the bottom. The pit is in a larger room though, with floors made from fused stone and copper.

- They lower Bulgur into the pit proper and he roots around the remains. He finds a fleshy Elf ear with an earring worth 1720 obols! Result!

--- Rune Revelations

- Carved upon the walls of this chamber are various reliefs showing Major Runes and their relationships to various arcologies. Make is associated with the Forge Lore Dwarfs of Ur-Kalladh, Beam with the Glyph Lore Dwarves of Ur-Jeizhek, and so on.
- Most intriguingly, two new Major Runes are shown! Experimentation reveals that one (like a double concave lens) allows one to commune with its element. The other (an inverted T-shape) is like a compass that points to the nearest and/or largest concentration of the element. Carter, I mean Algernon, is thrilled!

- On another wall is a mural depicting a strange ritual - "The Ineluctable Pallid Commandment to Bind the Suckered Abomination".

--- Deep Fried

- The next room has lots of crates and barrels. Goblin zombies leap out from behind them to attack! They smell super tasty because they've been infusing the olive oil and air-dried since being somehow zombified.

- Zeppelino unleashes his firing squad of goblin bowmen, while Manrat's pistol unfortunately explodes! Bulgur fumbles his Pumpkinhead Axe attack, chipping the magical weapon!

- Maxwell gambits to yank two zombies into each other, crits, Bulgur joins in, fumbles, and gets bitten! He passes his Doom save versus whatever it is these zombies do to you!

- Between the goblin horde (now down a Goblin, alas poor Bean) and Bulgur's wild axe-swinging, the zoblins are finally defeated!

--- Oil and Feasting

- They inspect the barrels and ohohooo! It's loads of tasty olive oil infused with the fresh taste of Goblin! Dubbing it "Golive Oil" they take the lot! 4 barrels at 2000 obols each makes this a very lucrative find!

- They also find pastes and embalming tools made from the bones of humans and elves... concerning.

- Manrat sets up a field kitchen as the others look around the rest of the room, finding various other loot.

- He cooks "Fish and Chips But With a Cobra" which contains cobra meat, pickled goblin, plump helmet mushroom, potato, and golive oil. It's tasty! The dinner perk gives +2 to cooked meal deliciousness, which will be helpful.

- The party settles down to eat their first meal inside Ur-Jeizhek proper... but will it be their last??

Total: 8000 exp

Treasure:

- 4 barrels of Golive Oil (8000 exp)
- Pierced Elf Ear (1720 exp)

- Vial of Lubricant

- 3 Red Eye Cigarettes grant infravision while smoked
- Rare inks and Parchments halve spell research cost.

- Trinkets worth 1000 obols (1000 exp)

- Hastily drawn map of dungeon area

- 3 Blue Eye Cigarettes grant +4 Charisma while smoked

Total: 10720 exp

Murders:

- A few olive oil zombies (80 exp)

Total: 80 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer and Paymaster (300 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Mason the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- George the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 7 Barbarian: 92728 (Level up at 128000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 73327 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 71529 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 6 Specialist: 49171 (Level up at 56000)

- Mason / Algernon, Level 2 Mayfly Muscle Wizard: 3860 (Level up at 4500)
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! Plus Backstory!

Session 406 - IT CRAWLS!

 Date: 22nd April 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Pocked Moon

Zenith Deity: The Dead God

New Backstory:

- If Manrat's gang had known the secret of the Endless City like he did, they'd have understood why he left them to suffer. If you hit a target and they survive, force them to answer a question truthfully. 

- Maxwell's green thumb was the result of the offerings he left out for the spirits and fae at the bottom of the garden. +2 to reaction rolls with intelligent plants, fungi, and other flora.

Events:

--- The City is the City

- The fat clouds over Drudgespar roil. There's no storm but the city's warm wet updraft disturbs the upper air. Far further above, the brass coffin of the Dead God sends blessings to the devoted from low earth orbit. Even further above the slow spinning of the moon has revealed its Pocked Face - red glowing freckles of light attempting to receive the discharged rainbow beams of earthly Marlingspikes.

- In Drudgespar below, searching through the Buildup, Manrat looks for a demonic cornershop where he can sell his overvalued gem. There are plenty of these places scattered around the city, but when he finds one he discovers it empty. Where the hell is Julgoor?
- Instead of the demonic shopkeeper there's an imp playing some chill beats on a tiny string instrument. It informs Manrat that he's 31st in the queue, please hold.

- The others chat shit with locals. Per said locals, the Bloblins (ie. Blue Goblins - the dragon-worshipping winged goblins up in the Rigging) are making up any old excuse to purge unborn hobgoblins before they emerge from their pea pods.

- Maxwell wants to help, but he's a meatoid so is distrusted as a matter of course.
- The Goblins also claim that they used to live on the surface in earlier aeons. The Dwarves enslaved them, leaving the surface free for humans to move in and take over. Such lore.

--- Julgoor Remasked

- Manrat hears - "you are 0th in the queue".

- At that, Julgoor appears! The back of his shop is once more filled with squirming darkness. The front of his shop now has the gold-masked Julgoor acting as the friendly shopkeep.

- "WHAT do you WANT??", Julgoor asked calmly.

- He asks for three wheat facts and shivers against any mention of the idea of thorns.

- The Idea of Thorns is within him, warring with the Idea of Wheat. He is consumed by contradiction and vanishes, snatching the gem and leaving behind a gold mask worth the sale value of 10000 obols.

--- GRAKTIL!

- The party head towards the giant siege scorpion known as GRAKTIL THE CITY THAT CRAWLS! since Manrat has enough cash to buy it outright now.

- He evades the defensive mandible trap and Brie follows him into the thorax. The others head upwards into Bucketsides to help defend the pea pods.

- Manrat discovers that Graktil is pretty much ready to go! They've dug up most of it, and the heavy elementals up in the stinger can go whenever! For the cheap cheap price of 35000 obols it's Manrat's to command!

- He accepts, wiping out other investors as he does so. Graktil now belongs to Manrat!

--- Give Peas a Chance

- Maxwell and Brie, meanwhile, are up on Bucketsides trying to work out how to defend the unborn hobgoblins and the city below.

- Maxwell thinks up a bright idea - Repel Lightning glyphs! Draw them everywhere, keep them powered, and everyone becomes essentially immune to oppression from the drakencult above!

- He shows the nearby goblins how to do it and they spread out, disseminating the knowledge. Soon Repel-Lightning runes are being drawn on rooftops below.
- Bulgur heads down and creates symbols of wheat on rooftops, supplementing the resisting runes and attracting true believers in wheat to himself.

--- GRAKTIL!

- Manrat has now received full captaincy of the Assault Scorpion. Goblin raiders are hired - they will be the ground troops of the scorpion war.
- Manrat has a choice to make - eject forwards into the city? Or eject backwards into the wastes where they can terrorise for profit?

- He decides on BACKWARDS! Into the WASTES!

- In a surprise change of intention, he orders the scorpion to CLIMB! Upwards to the rim!

- One of the elementals in the stinger, bereft of water due to the sudden change of scorpion orientation, decays rapidly.

-- Ah yes, the negotiator

- A couple of hours later the scorpion had ascended the walls. From a loudspeaker Manrat screams out a call for negotiation! The Rigging is in range of heavy metal attack and he's not afraid to use it!
- Steer Calmer arrives. He's a good negotiator, believes the blue goblins have Drudgespar's best wishes in mind, and like all goblins is the son of a toolmaker.

- Negotiations ensue despite setbacks. Instead of dropping Drudgespar onto the Dwarf arcology below, they'll reconsider. Instead the Scorpion will do all the attacking! The city will be moved instead to a safer location.

- Steer Calmer also agrees publically to gut public services to fund the war machine. Centrist victory!

- The city shifts and begins to rise, revealing a steep thin slide all the way down to the old Dwarf city below...

Total: 7000 exp

OOC: 

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer and Paymaster (300 exp/level)
- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard and Chef (200 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 7 Barbarian: 88268 (Level up at 128000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 68867 (Level up at 112000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 6 Necromancer: 48571 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 6 Specialist: 43611 (Level up at 56000)