Session 408 - Queue Anon

Date: 20th May 1625

Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Moon Face: Dragon Face
Zenith Deity: The Allfather

Events:

--- Bulgur's First Fall

- We rejoin the party in a roomful of "Golive Oil", being olive oil infused with the piquant flavour of goblin flesh. They are in an upper layer of Ur-Jeizhek, the long-buried Dwarven arcology beneath Drudgespar. The stonework interlocks pleasingly.

- They head out and find a room with drinks trolleys lined up against one wall! There are glass bottles of water, and old nasty biscuits. They're just scooping up the biscuits when an alarm sounds and the whole room rumbles and somehow swings like it's on a big hinge!

- They worry that this means they've been taken elsewhere as if on a big elevator, but thankfully not. The drinks trolleys somehow stay exactly where they are as everyone falls towards the far wall which is briefly testing out the idea of being a floor.

- The room swings back into place and the doors reopen. They come out onto a long corridor. Directly across is a circular room with a big sandpit in the middle, a big lump of pumice and a tiny play-pickaxe, and a counter with fake coins on it. Manrat identifies it immediately as a Dwarf creche!

- Also in this room, amongst the circling seats, they find some real Ur-Jeizhek coinage and a book written in that language. The book has a sort of Vitruvian Dwarf on it surrounded by 9 satellite gods.

- They continue along the corridor and Bulgur falls! He stepped on an irising door and it opened underneath him! He falls about 20' (which isn't as bad due to his magic float boots) into a corridor that's oriented up-down, as if it's meant to be on its side. Zeppelino catches himself before he falls in too!

--- Occupied

- They scope out some more rooms, these ones with signs. One has a Dwarven variation on a ninefold Nonanist symbol, the other a pile of gems. Of course they go into the gems room!
- Inside there are lots of stalls. Turns out the pile of gems sign is Dwarven for the lavatories. One of the stalls is occupied, however...

- After much shenanigans trying to look under, over and around the toilet stall, Zeppelino gets out an array of perfumes and lollipops and pretends to be the Toilet Man.

- The guy in the toilet finally comes out and... it's a guy! Like a human man! He's got very long billowy culty robes, and his name is Morden Diablo. When asked what he's doing here, he answers that he was doing a poo. Further questioning reveals that he's here to find treasure and meaning, and his boss is Higher-Lower-Middle-Cultist Guthrie Clamps. They let him go on his way.

- Studying the toilets reveals that they're a sort of gem recycler system for the Dwarves who culturally eat gems. They rattle down the toilet, get polished and cleaned, and are then collected from near the door to be re-eaten. There's only gem dust in the collector, alas.

--- Rats!

- Just then a pale blue light begins coalescing in the middle of the bathroom and suddenly forms into a single human eye! It looks all around the room and sees them, then ponks to the floor. Rats start pouring from the pipes!

- Manrat sends out a rat delegation to talk to them, and the rats agree not to attack if they're bought off with fresh-ish meat. Manrat chucks them some hellhound meat and they're very happy!

--- Cultists!

 - Another eye warps into the room and Bulgur slices it in half... but not before it's alerted more reinforcements!

- Zeppelino is already out the door and hiding in the god room. Inside the Nine High Gods are depicted in statue form, but they're double-wide Dwarves like the Terrans. It's all been graffitied and generally messed with by the cultists though. Much sacrilege.

- Outside he can hear Morden Diablo has returned but with backup! He's got some cultist buddies and a load of skeletons! Battle is joined!

- It's a chaotic battle. Bulgur smashing the skeletons to bits while Manrat fires into the melee, hitting Bulgur. Two of the cultists tear their way out of their own skins and go to attack in skeleton form... but Manrat sends his rats to nibble on their discarded flesh! It's horrifying!

- Zeppelino and his goblin firing squad attack from the side of the skeleton column to surprisingly good effect!

- An ectenic blast from one of the cultists blasts Bulgur into two of the skeletons, destroying them both with sheer blunt force!

- Seeing the tide turn (and the skeleton-cultists seeing that the rats are devouring their spleens) the cultists turn and try to run! Alas it's not enough. The skeleton-cultists grab their rat-infested skins and flee, and Morden Diablo himself is struck down as he turns to run.
- The last surviving cultists begs for his life. He says he's from the Unctuous Aspirants cult and that they've been here for months after finding a hidden way in from the wastes. He also says that this corridor is the VIP lane, the cult is down the other corridor which is the Pleb lane.

- They truss up the cultist and force him to take them to the pleb line, but every time they try to make him give directions he ends up shouting and yelling. The pleb line is easy enough to find anyway! It's just right at the entrance instead of left.

--- Bulgur Falls Again

- They head along the pleb line queue and - oh no! - Bulgur falls into a pit again! He gets out with his moon boots, but still this is pretty much the only way he's been getting hurt!

- The next room has a sort of coin machine next to a door, and the main queue line going onwards to the right.

- Bulgur puts coins in, and after 10 the door opens! It's some sort of fast track lane! He goes through and the door shunks shut behind him.

- Bulgur strides through the velvet ropes marking the queueing lanes and raps on the door at the end. There's a red light but nothing happens.

- Finally it goes green! Bulgur goes through and is stopped at... another door. He waits, and as he waits he feels his back going numb...

- There's nothing behind him so he flails with his axe, hitting a gelatinous cube! They exchange blows and Bulgur is very lucky to not get hit! He makes short work of the cube, then turns back to the door to wait.

--- Heathrow Vibes

The other two have gone through the non-fasttrack line and are in a wide hall with velvet ropes to show where to queue! They ignore them and head to the front of the room. They see an (empty) guard room that stretches nearly across the whole room, and booths at the front where presumably their passports would be inspected.

- Hearing a distant yell from Bulgur, they run across the room!

--- Clamps Cliffhanger

- The door in front of the goo-covered Bulgur opens into a short glass-walled tunnel that looks out into a main room. In said main room are loads of undead and necromancers! They're eating lunch, and look up in concern as Bulgur says something muffled behind the glass!

- On a throne of bone, Guthrie Clamps himself sits smirking! Behind him is a big horrible undead contruct of some sort, a towering man-shaped thing with strips of leprous skin hanging off its swollen body.

- Guthrie lazily slurps a Last Breath and commands his minions to attack Bulgur!

- Bulgur yells a battle cry, hefts his pumpkinhead axe, and readies a charge! Zeppelino and Manrat rush across the security hall to his aid! And... the pub does last orders and closes for the evening.

- Next time... death!?

Total: 8000 exp

Treasure:

- 46 Ur-Jeizhek coins (46 exp)

- A stone book about gods written in Ur-Jeizhek (50 exp)
- 3 Last Breaths

- Flask of strong liquor

Total: 96 exp

Foes:

- Several rat swarms (60 exp)

- Some Necromancers (300 exp)

- A bunch of skeletons (100 exp)

- A gelatinous cube (300 exp)

Total: 760 exp

OOC:

- Kitty the Chronicler & Paymaster (200 exp/level)

- Charles the Expedition Leader & Chef (200 exp/level)

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 7 Barbarian: 97080 (Level up at 128000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 7 Ratman: 76979 (Level up at 112000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 75881 (Level up at 128000)