Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Session 46 - Can I just start treating you all as a swarm yet?

OK THAT WAS A CHALLENGE but I think it went alright. I basically cannot talk today though.

Fungonius once again finds himself accompanying a mob of poorly equipped strangers into a dark and mysterious dungeon. Chaos ensues.
So many clerics which i guess makes sense since this dungeon is a centre of religious fuckery.

For Davide - you are an Elf with Hold Portal in your heart. This gives you creepy looks and mysterious abilities depending on how many spells you have in your head.
Currently you have the traditional elf ears and a lower chance of surprise, but you'll get weirder as you get more powerful.
The only knowledge I have of the creature you are slowly turning into is this:
Misergeist: Hooky emaciated gloating buzzard-folk; Long and twisted are they and keepers of secrets. The geists are melancholy avarice embodied, hook-nosed and sallow flinthearts that spend their lives gloating over tarnished pewter in the dim and secret cysts of the margins of the world. Misergeists are vanishingly few and bereft of generative vitality; always they seek brides and bridegrooms favoured by the heavens.

For Kyle - Please find attached a bunch of photos of your character sheet. Let me know your plans! Your sheet did indeed say "On Wagon!" on it so I'll trust you to work out what you actually left in the boat.
I imagine Marley the Thief has been "looking after" everyone else's stuff because it gives a convenient excuse for its whereabouts. Anything you personally had on you is currently soaking in royal jelly, but there's definitely livestock and barrels and stuff at least around.
How Fungonius got between locations between sessions is anyone's guess. I assume he's like Gandalf and just turns up sometimes.

For all - While I am glad that the game can at least function with ten players it is definitely getting to a sub-optimal size! Solutions welcome. If someone wants to spin off a splinter group that could work? I know Josh mentioned he prefers to run rather than play.
I say this with great trepidation because a couple of months ago I was worried about having too few players, but such is the burden of the Dungeon Master!

Session 46 - Can I just start treating you all as a swarm yet?

Campaign date:
Saturday, August 21st, 1549
Moon phase: First Quarter
Zodiac: Leo

New Characters:
- Tobas, Cleric of Tomax, a former hayward with a hunting horn.
- Titus DeCosta, once fenced items of dubious provenance, now a Cleric of Eric the God of Crossbows.
- Gtuzk, an ill-fated Goblin pirate who was apparently highly allergic to centipedes.
- Svalborg, a broom-wielding Goblin who was once a street sweeper.
- Jack "Danger" Wilbur. A Fighter and expert trapper. Danger is his second name.
- Golden Junk, an Elf and former alchemist. Elf species: Misergeist.
- Dwain William Arthus Remus Froide. A dwarven gongfarmer and shit-raker. Call him DWARF for short.
- Davril Burtey of Thujin Veil. A young wizard and former linkboy. His familiar is a poisonous Krait from the far-flung Kingdoms of Ind.

Enemies defeated:
- 9 poorly manufactured stone dwarfs, variously murdered (45 exp)
- Their leader, noble Garin of the Two Heads, speared through the throats (10 exp)
- An actual real flesh-and-blood dwarf, looted then burnt to death as he slept near a weird sleep-pillar. (0 exp)
- A giant centipede (10 exp)
- Green slime, scared off by fire before it could claim a victim. (25 exp)
Total: 90 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Gold spider statuette (1000 exp)
- Jar of gloopy Azoth claimed from broken bronze head.
- Various low quality weaponry.
- A rusty statue's sword.
Total: 1000 exp

- 8 dungeon rooms explored (160 exp)
- 2 wandering monsters rolled (40 exp)
Total: 200 exp

- Entered Dwimmermount through the Red Door (50 exp)
- Briefly met some strange angular dwarfs with red X's painted on their chests before trying to hit them with sticks (50 exp)
- Another roomful of the dwarfs emerges from one door, Jack "Danger" Wilbur tears off a statue's arm to use as a club. Fungonius loses his good spell to some quick-footed dwarfs. Jack is knocked sprawling when one of them trips over a rock and falls into him. Dwain is interested in a bucket. (50 exp)
- Meanwhile the rest of the party run off through opposite door, Dexter in Group A holds the door closed because he's scared. Davril checks out nearby rooms, one with a huge mechanical bronze head the other with a glowing pillar. Davril heads off down the end of the corridor (50 exp)
- Someone gets Dexter out of the way, people head back into the main combat. It is very confusing. Titus grabs a spear and nails their leader in the throat. It is discovered that the little dwarfs turn to stone when they die, turning the spear to stone with it as part of some sort of death sculpture. (50 exp)
- Gtuzk the Goblin goes inside the room with the glowing pillar which has a sleeping dwarf touching it. Frisks body and gets bitten by a centipede. Davril throws his snake at it. Gtuzk is dying. Davril sets the sleeping dwarf on fire who dies horrifically. (50 exp)
- Fungonius eats three crits in a row as two dwarfs cork his arms then jump up and smack him in the head. He's down for the count. (50 exp)
- Tobas meets some more of the little mishapen dwarfs and some larger ugly human dudes around a campfire. Exchanges pleasantries and makes excuses for all the noise. Learns about Terms Termax, the Godhead worshipped by many in the area. (50 exp)
- Dexter goes into the bronze head room. It speaks Latin. Luckily, Dexter knows Latin. He asks it where to find the most powerful Necromantic magics and it tells him to go to Mount Death Frost. (50 exp)
- Combat ends when the last two little dwarfs run away rather than keep whaling on the unconscious Fungonius. (50 exp)
- Meanwhile Golden Junk sticks his hand inside the bronze head's mouth to see if he can feel anything in there. There is a grinding sound as his arm up to the elbow is ground up in the gears. The giant head is broken and starts gurgling. Golden Junk screams. (50 exp)
- In an attempt to fix the head, Davril and Tobas try to fish the arm out with a pole then lever the head off the wall somehow. A rain of bronze bolts and nuts and viscous black goop vomit from the mouth and half the head breaks into pieces. The head is fucked. (50 exp)
- Svalborg the Goblin turns up and checks out a few rooms, Davril goes somewhat insane and goes running off down a main corridor screaming only for green slime to drop on his head. Jack Danger accidentally shoots him in the dick. Quick thinking saves him. Others molest a statue. (50 exp)
- Everybody goes home as I struggle to piece together what actually happened. 
Total: 650 exp

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- War Crime bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- What the Fuck Guys bonus (50 exp)
- Why Did You Touch That bonus (Golden Junk - 50 exp)
- Died in your First Session (to Titus - 200 exp)
- Death's Witness (Davril - 100 exp)
- Near Death Experience (Golden Junk, Fungonius, Davril - 100 exp ea.)
Total: 450 exp + bonuses

Business Ventures:
- Anvil, Mining & Craft Inc. changes hands to the deceased owner's brother, Dwain. There are ill omens and a sense of foreboding, -2 to the next Risk roll.  Investment will increase in value by 1d20+10% this month.

Quests and Rumours:
- None down here.

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Gtuzk, a goblin pirate far from the sea. Frisked an unconscious dwarf for loot and got bitten on the hand by a centipede of unusual size. Turns out it was poisonous.
- Fungonius gained a "badass scar that will totally get you laid" but is otherwise unharmed. In response, I make some quick changes to my Death & Dismemberment table.

Exp Totals:
Dominic / Fungonius, Level 4 Cleric: 12443 (Level up at 14000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Leo / Jack, Level 1 Cleric: 1422 (Level up at 1750)
Renzo / Jack "Danger" Wilbur, Level 1 Fighter: 239 (Level up at 2000)
Thomas / Tobas, Level 1 Cleric: 239 (Level up at 1750)
Oli / Titus DeCosta, Level 1 Cleric: 439 (Level up at 1750)
Clay / Gtuzk, Level 1 Goblin: Deceased
Clay / Svalborg, Level 1 Goblin: 239 (Level up at 2000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 389 (Level up at 3000)
Kyle / Dwain William Arthus Remus Froide, Level 1 Dwarf: 239 (Level up at 2200)
Josh / Davril Burtey of Thujin Veil, Level 1 Magic-User: 439 (Level up at 2250)


Absent or Retired:
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 1 Cleric: 1646 (Level up at 1750)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 4 Dwarf: 13395 (Level up at 17600)
-- Mr Burg, Level 1 Fighter: 655 (Level up at 2000)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Dana / Bingo, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 1461(Level up at 2250)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

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