Session 63 - Tongue Tied

Apologies for the delay... I may have overdone it on the actual recap.

Oh well!

For James - Your Elf's heartspell is Mending which means you are turning into a Gremling. Your Elf species' florid description is as follows -
"Diminutive borrowers of toys and intricate things, petty breakers of tools left too long in forgotten drawers. Spirits of the unfinished task, cut short by the bent nail or the wrong screwdriver. Mischief achieved they make amends by mending what they had broken, and sometimes more besides. Many a broken marriage has been mended by the ministrations of a Gremling, forecasted by unexpected annoyance and woe"
With two spells in your head, you have pointy elf ears (granting 2-in-6 Search skill) and squinty rat-like eyes (which makes all your equipment count as Quality 1 - the highest quality - no matter how crap it really is).

For all - you (mostly) survived the horrible haunted house, and made an absolute stack of cash. Everyone who survived leveled up, so well done!

I'd better get on with other stuff, so see you all next week!

Session 63 - Tongue Tied

Campaign Date:

Market Day, 15 October, 1549

Moon Phase: New Moon

Zodiac: Virgo

Patron God: Dispater

New Characters:

- A Specialist who is pretty good at a range of things.

- An Elf whose heartspell is Mending, appropriately has a job as a Tinker

- Jumarak, a Muscle Wizard and trapper who once befriended the badger whose skin he now wears

Enemies Defeated:- Erasmus "Spiderdick" Foxlowe, stabbed in the urethra (25 exp)

- Myrna "Foetal Fantasy" Foxlowe, killed by grappling hook to head before attached foetus slain (25 exp)

- Sabrina "Crotch-Stinger" Newguard, insect punched off back, killing host (25 exp)

- Penelope "Granny" Foxlowe, eventually taken down by dogs and a swinging now-rearranged Dwarf (1500 exp)

Total: 1575 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- 2 wheellock pistols, standard quality (350 exp)

- Variety of deeds and stocks worth a boatload of cash.

- 4 violins (200 exp)

- 3 small figurines of strange workmanship (750 exp)

- 1500cp, 1925sp, 600*gp (33725 exp)

- 10 gold bars (10000 exp)

- 10000sp-worth of fine jewellery (10000 exp)

- A particularly fine necklace (2500 exp)

Total: 57525 exp

Exploration:

- Explored 7 more rooms of the Bloodworth Manor (140 exp)

Total: 140 exp

Events:

- John Doe, Stabbington Shanks and Zea are in trouble. Variously jizz-webbed, burnt, and otherwise stuck to things, they eventually triumph when Stabbington shanks Erasmus in the dick. The bug possessing him fades away. (50 exp)

- Outside, lots of people are showing up and seem surprisingly ok about all the blood and the chandelier girl. (50 exp)

- Alice begins trying to lock-pick the safe in the Study, while John Doe tries to pull it out of the wall with his grappling hook leg. Other people loot the room, finding hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of stocks and deeds. (50 exp)

- The door opposite the study is opened and the family's music room is found. Body stuffed up chimney discovered after lighting fireplace from appropriate distance. Violins and odd statuettes looted, harpsichord earmarked for later removal. (50 exp)

- Alice pops the safe, finding fungible assets worth an absolute ton. On counting, there seem to be slightly fewer coins than one might assume from an initial glance (50 exp)

- Party travels upstairs in single file, opens door on right, discovers nicely appointed guest room. Mattress goes all bloody when laid upon due to skinned corpse in mattress. (50 exp)

- Sobbing child heard behind opposite door, child yet lives despite having been twisted into a horrid parody of the Vitruvian Man. Child's brain and eyes have been separated from body, child's tongue and genitals in a strange symbol drawn in faeces. Alice attempts to loot brain, ruins everything. (50 exp)

- Genitals and tongue burst to life, genitals burrow into Jumarak's arm, tongue begins tongue-wrestling Alice. Alice fiercely tongue-wrestles the tongue until she manages to swallow it, another great decision. (50 exp)

- Lady's dressing room found. The clothes and jewellery are very valuable, although many of the dresses are subsequently ruined by the cloth-tearing hands of Lucados Orbrus in the search for red and yellow material. (50 exp)

- Final door on the floor is tested and a woman begins shrieking on the bed of the master bedroom. Crawling along the bedspread, still attached to the woman, is a foetus. The knowledge that it imbues shakes people to their cores and brings a sliver of doubt into Zea's clerical beliefs. (50 exp)

- Lucados finds himself unable to harm the child, though it is eventually killed after its mother is brained by a grappling hook and the foetus is post-emptively aborted. Lucados wears some intestine like a mask. (50 exp)

- During the fighting, Jumarak and the new Specialist have gone upstairs and investigate some rooms. Jumarak opens a door to find the bug-possessed nanny weeping over an empty cot, and is attacked by her flailing stinger. (50 exp)

- Meanwhile, the Specialist opens her door and finds a pink, frilly room. She goes over to loot a cuddly toy, and the door slams shut behind her. It's Granny. Snip snip. (50 exp)

- Jumarak falls back, leg stung to shit by the stinger. He punches the bug off the nanny's back, killing her. Stabbington  comes up stairs, attempts First Aid and murders Jumurak. Two for two! Jumurak explodes into tongues which fly into the mouths of others. (50 exp)

- Wei's Specialist is saved by others piling into room, everyone piles down the stairs away from Granny while Stabbington and John Doe follow Alice's lead and swallow the tongues in their mouths. (50 exp)

- Alice, in the lead, tries to bust through the ground level door but finds it locked and impossible to open. Granny cackles, and the party turns grim-jawed towards the door. (50 exp)

- An ambush is set at the door in, as Granny enters she's attacked. A lucky crit sends her flying back towards the stairs. Inside the room, Alice's stomach explodes and releases a heap more tongues everywhere. John Doe and Stabbington immediately induce vomiting to get rid of the tongues in their bellies. (50 exp)

- Granny approaches once more and the oh-shit-I-forgot-about-the-dogs are released, including John Doe's monstrous 20HP beast. (50 exp)

- John Doe grapple-hooks to the ceiling and swings in, walloping Granny with the greataxe. Granny grins as he swings past and her arms blur as she snips and rearranges his body into a new form - head embedded in chest, grapple-leg on neck, other limbs coming out of his back. (50 exp)

- Granny is finally defeated, laughing even as she dies. A great insectoid creature emerges from her body before it fades like a mirage (50 exp)

Total: 1000 exp

Misc:

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)

- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)

- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)

- Child Murderer bonus (50 exp)

- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)

- Infamy bonus (50 exp)

- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)

- Nutshot bonus (50 exp)

- Pyrrhic Victory bonus (50 exp)

- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Why Did You Eat That bonus (50 exp)

- Why Did You Touch That bonus (50 exp)

- Horrifying Realisation bonus (John Doe, Stabbington - 100 exp ea.)

- Mutatis Mutandis bonus (John Doe - 100 exp)

- Failed Saving Throw bonus (All survivors - 100 exp ea.)

- Death's Witness bonus (All survivors - 200 exp ea.)

- Died in your First Session bonus (Fraser's next character - 200 exp)

Total: 650 exp + bonuses

Active Businesses:

- Peggy Pigrider - Pie Mama's. Safe. Value: 1213sp
- John Doe the Unlucky - Anvil, Mining and Craft Company. Risky. Value: 1579sp
- Lulu Spiderbite - Clunge Honey. Safe. Value: 1190sp
- Joe Joe - Josephine's Petting Zoo. Risky. Value: 1500sp
- Stabbington Shanks - Tomb Busters. Risky. Value: 600sp

Quests and Rumours:

- None today!

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Jumurak, exploded into tongues after being invaded by a child's severed genitals

- Alice, exploded into tongues after swallowing a child's severed tongue

Exp Totals:

Kyle / John Doe the Unlucky, Level 5 Dwarf: 26400 (Level up at 35200)
*DING!* +1d10 HP! +Lorebond!
Dominic / Sir Stabbington Shanks, Level 5 Fighter: 21369 (Level up at 32000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 on crit/fumble tables!
Charles / Zea, Level 3 Cleric: 4950 (Level up at 7000)

*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 level 1 spell/day!
Sarah / Alice, Level 2 Specialist (Robber): Deceased

Sam / Lucados Orbrus, Level 2 Fighter: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 on crit/fumble tables!

Fraser / Jumurak, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: Deceased

Wai / Wai's Specialist, Level 2 Specialist: 2250 (Level up at 3000)

*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 skill points!

James / James' Elf, Level 2 Elf (Gremling): 4500 (Level up at 6000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 level 1 spell/day!

[[]]

Absent or Retired:

David / Theras, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4500 (Level up at 6000)

Clay / Carthas, Level 1 Fighter: 371 (Level up at 2000)
John / West, Level 1 Cleric: 521 (Level up at 1750)
Oli / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 4 Barbarian: 13048 (Level up at 16000)
Hayley / Bob, Level 2 Dwarf: 2999 (Level up at 4400)
Niall / Roht, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 722 (Level up at 2250)
??? / Unnamed Cleric of the Garden God, Level 1 Cleric: 0 (Level up at 1750)
Mariana / Joe Joe, Level 3 Halfling: 4631 (Level up at 8000)
-- Bat (whose name I forgot), Level 0 Chiroptera
Florent / Sir Arthur, Level 1 Fighter: 186 (Level up at 2000)
Jamie / Alden, Level 1 Magic-User: 186 (Level up at 2250)
Ben / Thant, Level 1 Cleric: 186 (Level up at 1750)
Mike / Arran Folynn, Level 1 Specialist (Rogue): 186 (Level up at 1500)
Alex / Arhnin, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1518 (Level up at 3000)
Daniel / Davrak, Level 1 Magic User: 976 (Level up at 2250)
Nuno / Temperion, Level 1 Magic User: 742 (Level up at 2250)
Leo / Leo, Level 4 Cleric: 11102 (Level up at 14000)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 5 Dwarf: 19420 (Level up at 35200)
-- Mr Pig, Level 1 Porcine.
Aron / Alphonse the Gentleman Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1184 (Level up at 2000)
Nimrod / U, Level 2 Specialist (Monk): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 3553 (Level up at 7000)
Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)
Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)
-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar
Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)
Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)
Will / Calen, Level 1 Halfling: 1582 (Level up at 2000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Dana / Bingo, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 1461(Level up at 2250)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human