Monday, 28 August 2017

Session 150 - Tall Tales of the Stone Men

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Tom shows us Spicy Mac's new billboard just outside of Helix

​- I doodle the second mission into the statue barrow

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- I also doodle the regenerating skeleton. It's been slow at work!

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- Charles doodles as he remembrances

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- And finally, Charles bones alone!

Session 150 - Tall Tales of the Stone Men

Campaign Date:
Tuesday, 2 September, 1600
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Zodiac: Leo

New Characters:- Spicy Mac, a charming and tight-fisted Halfling spice merchant

New Backstory:- Carrie Meleste was married once. It was during one wild night in Moondin's red light district, they were married by a guy dressed as a famous bard, it was a great night. While it was technically for love, that love was fleeting, and they annulled the marriage soon after. What a night! (+1 Wisdom)
Enemies Defeated:
- A sapphire-browed skeleton (50 exp)
- 8 skeletons, killed in their beds (80 exp)
Total: 130 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Sapphire shards of a skeleton gem (200 exp)
- Two silver bracelets, finely crafted and of ancient make (1000 exp)
- A silver locket of expert craftmanship (300 exp)
- Diamond-studded gold ring (4000 exp)
Total: 5500 exp

Exploration:- Explored 10 dungeon rooms (200 exp)- Unsealed a barrow (50 exp)
- Found 2 secret doors (100 exp)
- 2 Wandering Monsters encountered (100 exp)
Total: 450 exp

- We begin, as will become customary, in Helix. As the party trickle in they check out the local shops and buy a few knickknacks. New among them is Spicy Mac, a mercantile Halfling, who they agree to let join their crew. (50 exp)
- Nix is checking out the lust-faced Shield of Avarice she found last session. The push-in coin slot seems to only take silvers, so she loads it up with silver pieces and pushes it in. (50 exp)
- Looks like the shield becomes preternaturally good at blocking when loaded up with coins. Neat! Only lasts a few seconds though, you'll need to keep feeding it dat dolla if you want to keep it sweet... (50 exp)
- Carrie and Zena get a missive from their horrible Bone Alone business. Looks like business is booming! Who knew! Their investment gains +16% value to the delight of the investors and the dismay of all good god-fearing folk. (50 exp)
- "My name is Mastibate Pox, and this is my favourite store on the Moonditadel". Quite. (50 exp)
- Chiffon realises that the night of the Full Moon draws near and so his Elvish powers are on the wane, so he grabs the Death Leather armour and somehow pulls the look off. (50 exp)
- With that, the party head off on Grim Charlie's wagon to the Barrowmaze, seeing some zombies wandering around on the way. The other riders take potshots at them as the wagon rumbles past. (50 exp)
- When the wagon reaches the black obelisk near the entrance to the Barrowmaze, the party hop off. POWERLAD takes the opportunity to Read Magic on the obelisk. It speaks of the god Nergal (no relation), exalts his Chosen, and says "Life in Death" a bunch. (50 exp)
- The party has a quick discussion and splits in two. Half will go for the Barrowmaze itself, the others will explore the Barrows. (50 exp)
--- Team Mapquest
- POWERLAD, Mugg, Nix, and the cowardly Hargrim head down into the dungeon. It's time to map!!! They are deemed team Mapquest by those above.
- They head down into the antechamber and choose where to go next - south! They boot down a door and head into a room littered with various debris. So far so good. (50 exp)
- But... there's a noise from the corridor. A single skeleton with a blue jewel embedded in its brow looks round the corner. It seems lost, and they beckon it into the room. (50 exp)
- It was an act! It gets its sword out and attacks! Some quick hammering from Mugg puts it down, though its gem continues to glow with a pale light. (50 exp)
- They turn away and... the gem burns blue! The skeleton reforms around the gem, and POWERLAD is stabbed! (50 exp)
- They turn to fight this renewed skeleton. It's killed again, and they stuff its the clearly valuable sapphire into Mugg's bag of peat and start pulverising its bones. (50 exp)
- The powdered bones flow towards the bag, and Mugg feels it churning as the skeleton begins reforming within!
- Enough is enough, and POWERLAD shatters the gem with a hammer. He fucks up, and his hammer shatters, sending shards of sapphire into everyone around! (50 exp)
- The half-formed skeleton collapses, and they scoop up the valuable gem shards. (50 exp)
- The group continue on, through an empty room, and come across a brick wall. Considering the necessity for silence, the bag of peat is used to help demolish the wall quietly. (50 exp)
- A corridor with skull-adorned doors is found. The first contains a non-undead skeleton wearing a couple of valuable bracelets. The second... a skeleton sitting on a stone sofa scratching its pelvis?! (50 exp)
- Gimlass shows up conveniently. (50 exp)
- That skeleton just fucking dies as Nix punches it out. Unfortunately, the skeletons on the bunkbed-like funeral berths animate and start crawling to kill some people! (50 exp)
- The others rush in. Nix collapses the top bunk onto a bottom bunk, crushing one skeleton and stunning the other sleepy skeleton. POWERLAD gets clawed at by a skeleton. (50 exp)
- Gimlass tries to do a similar bunk destruction... and accidentally kills Hargrim who runs into the room in time to get bodied by her clumsy elbow. He dies ignomiously. (50 exp)
- Nix realises she's cut off. Time to fucking RAGE. (50 exp)
- Mugg smashes another bunk and crushes the skeleton below. Team effort! (50 exp)
- The Gimlass tries a piledriver on a skeleton pulling its way from an upper bunk and... fucks up massive. AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA! The skeleton pile drives GIMLASS! (50 exp)
- Gimlass is fucked. Her collarbone - the ultimate bone for some reason - is broken. She's going to be fucked for a while. (50 exp)
- Mugg realises that staying near a raging Nix is bad news. She chucks her lantern into the skeletons at the entrance to stagger them, and uses the opportunity to drag Gimlass out of the room! (50 exp)
- Nix hulks out, smashing heads together, kicking skeletons back into fires, and all around wrecking shit. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD does an ULTIMATE PUNCH and wipes out three of the remaining skeletons... then realises Nix is MAXIMUM ANGERY and quietly closes the door. (50 exp)
- Outside the door, Gimlass is holding her hands over her multiple lesions while groaning and moaning. They all hear Nix smashing things and smashing her fists against the door. Soon, the smashing finishes. (50 exp)
- Nix emerges, but there's one last door... and this is team mapquest after all. They leave Gimlass gasping in the corridor and open the door... (50 exp)
- It's fuckloads of rats! Fuck that. (50 exp)
- Dragging Gimlass' moaning nearly-corpse behind them, they reach the surface. They recuperate, and hear some loud yelling in the distance... (50 exp)
--- Team Graverobber
- While Team Mapquest head into the Barrowmaze, team Graverobber cast about for something to loot. They head towards a barrow, but find it's been buried by time. (50 exp)
- Not dissuaded, they check out a nearby barrow with a not-buried sealed door. Sledgehammers and picks at the ready, they hammer into the door... (50 exp)
- An hour later, they're smashed it up a bunch. Great job. (50 exp)
- After a short break and another bunch of smashing... the door is destroyed! Hurrah! (50 exp)
- The group descend the spooky stairs... and find themselves in knee-deep bogwater. Except for Spicy Mac, he's chest height because he's tiny. Carrie Meleste's weird subs wade in too. (50 exp)
- Despite the height disadvantage, Spicy Mac goes around the room poking every single stone in every wall. There are a couple of hollow sounds - secret rooms! Good work! (50 exp)
- One of Carrie's subs breaks down one of the secret walls with a hefty leather godemiché. It collapses into a large oval room. Within is a statue of a hero with a weirdly lumpy sword facing down three stone Filled Men. (50 exp)
- Water flows into the oval room. As everyone discusses what to do, seeing as these statues are clearly going to become mould men when something is triggered. (50 exp)
- As everyone else discusses next steps, they don't notice as Zena wades past with a sledgehammer. (50 exp)
- There is a loud smash! The others look around in horror as they see what Zena has done! An arm of the statue falls to the ground... as the rest of the statue turns towards her. (50 exp)
- Yea they're living statues but not the busking kind. Their stone fists fuck Zena up with some heavy damage. (50 exp)
- Spicy Mac hurriedly rigs a tripwire near the door in the hopes it'll trip one up! Good luck! (50 exp)
- Everyone, Zena included, bails. They vault over the rope at Spicy Mac's warning, and the first statue through the breach falls over. Score! (50 exp)
- Zena hammers its head while its down... to little obvious effect. Spicy Mac dives into the other secret door and hides. Everybody else starts to withdraw to the stairs. (50 exp)
- Zena gets clobbered in the groin and goes down. Luckily Carrie is mid-cast on Heroism. She buffs one of her subservient minions, who holds the line while the others drag Zena from the scene. Amazingly, the minion survives the statues' attacks and escapes! (50 exp)
- Spicy Mac is still behind the secret door, stuck. Luckily someone rammed a coin into the gap in the door so he's not locked in. (50 exp)
- The little room he's in has a low altar and an ossuary. One of the fingerbones in the ossuary is wearing a sick gold ring with diamonds on it. Score! (50 exp)
- He looks around for bugs to Dominate with his Halfling mind control powers, finding a huge centipede. He grabs the coin out of the door, ties it onto the centipede with a sling, and now has some sort of wall-crawling coinipede. (50 exp)
- He makes it slither out the door, past the living statues, and make the coin tap against the inanimate sword-wielding hero statue. The bigger statues stomp off to investigate and Spicy Mac escapes! (50 exp)
- He finds the rest of group recuperating on the surface. Zena is somewhat the worse for wear, but feels better after a break and some food. Phew! (50 exp)
- The group start heading towards another mound, but see a bunch of zombies feasting on recently killed tomb robbers and decide that nooope, maybe they'll try to dig into the statue room from above! That sword looked like loot! (50 exp)
- Digging begins, and since they know the basic underground layout it only takes a couple of hours to dig down to the room from above. They emerge slightly off-course, so dig out a trench that ends above the sword statue. (50 exp)
- Spicy Mac gets lowered down on a rope, mission impossible style. He grabs the sword, tries to swap it with a club Indiana Jones-style and... the Filled Men statues animate! He... cuts the rope?! (50 exp)
- He splashes down into the knee-high water, which is chest-high on him. He dives under the water, scooping up the silver coin from earlier as he does so... (50 exp)
- He's not fast enough! They smash at him with stone fists and one of them pounds into his foot as he swims between them. It hurts but it's ok, and he manages to hobble out to the surface, sword and all! (50 exp)
- They head back to the obelisk and meet up with the dungeon-delve team who are assisting the broken-boned Gimlass into Grim Charlie's wagon. A successful run! (50 exp)
--- Back in Helix
- On the ride back, Spicy Mac regales everyone with his tale of escape and derring-do, naming them "There and Mac Again". Harr harr. (50 exp)
- Back in the town, as most of the party admins at the shops, Spicy Mac pawns off the diamond ring and invests the substantial earnings into his new spice business - Spicy Mac's Spices, and a nice big hand-painted billboard on the road into town. (50 exp)
Total: 3150 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall 
bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Mad Inventor bonus (50 exp)
- Mind Control to Major Tom bonus (50 exp)
- PETA bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Spooky bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- Tomb Raider bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- Why Did You Touch That bonus (50 exp)
Total: 950 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer 
(Charles / Zena - 100 exp)
- Caller (James / Chiffon - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom / Spicy Mac - 100 exp)- Art Attack bonus (Tom, Charles - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Tom*2 - 200 exp)
- Hummus Hero bonus (Andy*2 - 200 exp)
- JÜGGMEISTER bonus (Kitty - 500 exp)
- Near Death Experience bonus (Spicy Mac, Gimlass - 100 exp ea.)

Cremation is the only way to prevent the Dead from rising!
- The followers of the Low God Set can speak with serpents!
- The Mongreloids of the Barrowmaze fear the very sight of Man!
- The souls of those who die beneath the black sun are stolen away by demons, their bodies reborn into demonic servitude.

Active Businesses:
- Bone Alone. Wild. 348sp. (Zena's Stake: 232sp, Carrie's Stake: 116sp)
- Spicy Mac's Spices. Risky. 4000sp.

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Hargrim, accidentally murdered by Gimlass' flying foot.
- Gimlass, broken collarbone due to getting John Cena'd by a skeleton (Permanent -1 to all stats, cannot regain HP naturally until fracture heals, recovery time 6-8 weeks)

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 6 Barbarian: 37222 (Level up at 64000)
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 35457 (Level up at 36000)
- Charles / Zena, Level 5 Fighter: 30292 (Level up at 32000)
--- Hargrim, Level 0 Hireling*

Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 16124 (Level up at 28000)
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +Saves Improve! +1 to Domination!
- James / Chiffon, Level 2 Elf (Canny Childe): 3257 (Level up at 6000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 level 1 spell/day! +free spell!

- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble rolls!

- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
*DING!* +1d10 HP! +optional Lorebond!

Absent or Retired:- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)

- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)

- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)

- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, 
Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19872 (Level up at 36000)
Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- Tom / Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

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