Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Session 172 - Eels Up Inside Ya

Ah, Moondin. The only place that feels safe any more, and it's covered in lava and militant prostitutes and dragon cultists and cancerous tentacles.
At least Bertha is there. She's very understanding.

POWERLAD continues moving up the dragon ladder, gaining access to dragon breath!
Galaxy Johnson has been caged by bonds stronger than mere iron - the legal system.
Sturdy and Lofty get their first kill on a grobbly tentacle beast.
Sir Robyn ingratiates himself with a suspicious haberdasher.
Frederegaarrrrr meets his idol and is taken down a peg.
Mori sustains a horrific eel-related injury.

- Timothy presents an entirely horrible hagfish with a Mori mask for a face D:

- He also does the BEST thing - Galaxy Johnson's restraining order!

 Ollie straight up 3d modelled POWERLAD holy moly

Tom's kickass map of Loegria in all its glory!

""Now, hark ye, patrons, a fishy tale, Of surgical sins, and risqué regail. To once-great Moondin, now blote with cysts, Trooped our polearmed Protagonists. O Moondin, how art thine beauty dimmer! In the court-hall's stead, now magma simmers... Hacker's statues naught 'bove the hem'roids; Thine wit-verbed press reduced to tabloids. Young Fred raced to urge Lord Castigate, To whose armour maids do tittilate, To raise more bands - but the Great Pox suppressed a yawn, Meeting his pleas with death-tinged scorn. Meanwhile POWERLAD, Prize of countless epics, Well-versed in the ways of Dragon-ethics, Stumbled upon his famèd quest, And set off hence, you know the rest. When a man in his belly spiders feels, The stated cure be: swallow eels. We know POW'LAD was full up to the lid, As sung in the 'Romance d'Arachnid'. So to the fishery gallumphed our merry band, Erstwhile doling fruit to every hand, Soon their fetch quest duly solved, And bellies of spiders, with eely help, absolved. But please, good tavernees, wait a bit? Here comes the really juicy bit! 'Midst eel-hunt and a-smashery, Fred stumbled 'pon a haberdashery! He entered, Sir Robyn at his side. Eyeballing garters with a buyer's snide. "Good morrow," spake the hab-dash. "You're Clearly a garbing connoisseur." Freregar Tokeby's codpiece glinted, The treasures beneath extravagantly hinted. "Good sir, I have a most unsated passion For tight hose of the Landsknecht fashion." "Well achtung, mine stock is good, ya!" The shopkeep - German - revealed his boudoir. In tightest stockings, and hats of plume a-garish; Dressed Fred, whilst outside the party searched for their fish. His manhood bulging with audacity, Our hero re-joined his company. Now let me briefly mention the comp'ny parson, Bodrick, whose clumsiness led to arson. Bodrick was a priest with temper flaired, Recruited by the local laird To restore unto his ADHD-posessed daughter, A little godly law and order. But the exorcist's fortune began to dwindle When the curtains formed his candles' kindle... Soon the lairdship'd burned disast'r'ly down, And Bodrick slipped discreetly out of town. In Moondin to Fred with tongue sleek would surge he, This priorly misfortuned and outcast clergy. Now, armed with law of both God and State, Our Halberds marched to meet their fate! ""
- The next part of the song of Hacker's Halberdiers!

Session 172 - Eels Up Inside Ya

Campaign Date:
Monday, 23 February, 1601
Moon Phase: First Quarter
Zodiac: Aquarius

New Backstory:
- One of Hacker's Halberdiers, Bodrick, is an overzealous Denialist priest who somehow joined the mob last session. He was called in to exorcise the demon from a kid with ADHD and accidentally murdered the child with particularly overzealous torture. He also accidentally burned down the house and everyone in it. They are with God now. (Once per session, someone you torture must answer one question truthfully)
- One day during Sturdy's propheteering across the country, she was set upon by angry zealots who beat her into a pulp. Luckily as a Dwarf she's particularly hardy, and so when they started to get tired she seized the opportunity to run away! (You will never roll to pass out while fleeing)

Enemies Defeated:
- A squiggly squelchy tentacle monster (75 exp)
Total: 75 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Up to ten eels (500 exp)
- Smoked tentacle jerky
Total: 500 exp

- First party to enter the Biohazard Zone in Moondin (200 exp)
- Explored several not-so-abandoned shops (60 exp)
Total: 260 exp

- Finally in the safety of an actual town, and one that has some semblance of law and order, Sir Robyn heads off to the likeliest place to file his legal documents. RISEN HQ is is! (50 exp)
- The others, minus the dragon-worshipping POWERLAD, wonder what to do with this big sack of spider they're still lugging around. Do they trust the Drakencult enough to just hand her over? (50 exp)
- A bunch of emissaries from Fortress-City Fate run past, all red and brass and sundial blazons. Frederegar yells at one to tell him what's up. (50 exp)
- "Dead advancing on Barrowmaze! Great black dragon too! Huge tentacle under Fate being blasted by the city! Nobody knows what's going on! Gotta go!" (50 exp)
- He runs off towards RISEN HQ with the rest, nearly bowling over Sir Robyn as he comes down the steps towards the rest of the party. (50 exp)
- They decide to bring the spider queen to Bertha in the library, POWERLAD trusts her after all. Sir Robyn throws out a Floating Disk and flies into the air. He flies like he's sitting on a plane, a little bored, looking out the window and watching the inflight movie. (50 exp)
- Below, Moondin is stretched out before them. The central magma lake of Ninhursag roils, and to the south great cancerous tendrils can be seen writhing painfully from beneath the streets. (50 exp)

- Hacker's Halberdiers watch them go, too numerous to fit easily on a floating disk. Their leader Fredregar has other plans anyway - to the headquarters of the Rebel Dead to see if Castigate Pox is still around! (50 exp)
- Over on Ninhursag's island POWERLAD turns from the great green head of is greeted by Magnus Grossman, leader of the Gogamogic Drakencult - the Cult of SIZE! (50 exp)
- They both go for a muscle-boosted high five, the great slap ringing from the surrounding crystal! "You made a fantastic choice joining us!" he booms! (50 exp)
- They talk a little, Magnus revealing that Isen Heisenberg the chief poison researcher went missing hours before all the tentacles went cancerous and all the plants started dying! (50 exp)
- When asked why he doesn't go find him himself, Magnus reveals he's not sure how he'd handle himself in a real fight. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD is skeptical, asking around if anyone around here has actually been in a real fight. Luckily Garlock Beendigung, Arch-Priest of Ninhursag and Leader of the Verdegrised Drakencult, overhears and says that yes, he was in the Fated Army before the Dead Peace all those years ago. (50 exp)
- Man there was a lot of exposition at the start of the session! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD goes to investigate the poison lab, following Garlock and Sylvia Flora the Plant Priestess. The lab coat-wearing researchers within are tight-lipped about where their boss went. (50 exp)

- POWERLAD, however, is good at finding a traitor in a crowd. Probably because he's such a celebrity. One of the scientists winks to POWERLAD and mouths "outside" (50 exp)
- They leave, and outside that guy furtively tells POWERLAD the goss - Isen thought he'd managed to create the perfect tentacle-destroying poison. When the tentacle started rising in Moondin, Isen flew off and took his super poison with him. He hasn't been seen since. (50 exp)
- That was the day when everything started dying and the tentacles got all cancerous. None of the poison researchers want to be blamed for making things worse, so they're keeping tight-lipped. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD thanks the guy and looks up - he sees the silhouette of a spider bag and several others zipping overhead, and with a single great leap he's back amongst the party! (50 exp)
--- Hacker's Halberdiers
- Fredregar is pretty sure who the leader of the Rebel Dead is, his old boss and propaganda focus Castigate Pox! He heads up the steps into the skull-shaped building. (50 exp)
- The cool goth Necromancer behind the counter recognises him immediately as the former writer-editor of the Moondin Trumpet. She resists letting him in to see Castigate but then... (50 exp)
- "FREDEREGAR!?!?! Is that YOU, Frederagarrr?" the voice of Castigate Pox booms out across the hall. (50 exp)
- Castigate Pox is angry! Where were you at the final battle for Mankind, Frederegar?? Yes I am AWARE that the flank collapsed Frederegar ALL the flanks collapsed FREDEREGARRR (50 exp)

- Fredregar tries to mollify Castigate by presenting him with the little gold man in the wicker cage on his way out. Castigate grabs it, looks at it, then passes it to an aide without a word of thanks before striding off towards the War. (50 exp)
- Hackers Halberdiers, in mild disarray, decide to head to Bertha's library to meet up with the rest. They travel through the Red Light Protectorate, where some local toughs pointedly direct them towards the red-lined main road that gives outsiders a route through the area. (50 exp)
--- To the library!
- At the library, Bertha runs out to greet POWERLAD. It's only been a day or so, but you know. They're in love innit. (50 exp)
- They briefly explain the situation with Arach-Nacha and ask her to look after the bag for a while. She gets her librarian colleagues to drag it out of sight. (50 exp)
- And not a moment too soon! A crowd of fans and admirers, seeing POWERLAD come to land, have begun to gather for high fives and autographs! (50 exp)
- He waves to the crowds then flies off towards Necromancer HQ. He walks in, asks if he can see a zombie, and everyone assumes he's come to put on a show! (50 exp)
- He sure does, pummelling the zombie to death before flying off. The people in the place are perhaps a little confused, but that is merely because they do not obey the strange will of Ninhursag. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn meanwhile sets up a little legal library for himself. Since legal texts are what he uses to make his magic, this will be very useful for spell research in the future! (50 exp)
- That evening, Hacker's Halberdiers put on a benefit for the refugees in the half-destroyed arena, making a fair amount of silver for their trouble! (50 exp)
- Sturdy and her loyal minion Lofty arrive, having schlepped it on foot all the way from Dwimmermount to here. They're both fine though! (50 exp)
- Coalminer Dan realises that the iron shackles he wears are the only thing stopping him from reverting to Galaxy Johnson. He releases them as it gets dark to give Galaxy Johnson his legally mandated custody time over their body. (50 exp)- Galaxy Johnson himself is horrified to discover that in helping the poisonous plans of Ninhursag's drakencult, he broke a taboo with his own dragon-god. His bond to Ereshkigal has taken a hit! (50 exp)
-- The Next Day
 - Luckily Old Man Henderson is on hand to re-shackle Galaxy Johnson when he returns in the morning. Coalminer Dan wakes, a little tired. (50 exp)
- Eleanor, the doctor from Honey Healing, shows up too! Her backpack jangles and clinks with all the bottles and salves she's got in there. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn passes her the business card of Blood Honey 4 U and she reads out the legend "Dial M for BEEEEEES! Blood honey supplies are low at the moment, so this would be great! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD furtively tells Eleanor about his spider baby issue, hoping that Bertha won't find out he's pregnant and planning to abort. (50 exp)
- Bertha overhears and laughs at his discomfort. "I can see inside you, you know. Between the massive spider in the bag and all the little spiders in your belly it's pretty obvious what's going on!" She's been adventuring too, she knows a lot of bullshit happens. Let's hope she doesn't find out about some of POWERLAD's more scurrilous encounters on the road... (50 exp)
- Eleanor reckons she's got a solution - a particular type of fish that's known to live in the bogs and rivers around Moondin. She's got one on hand, it's a sort of long slippery eel-like creature that moves in very straight lines. (50 exp)

- Considering the party's considering checking out the "Biohazard Zone" of Moondin, they decide to keep their spider-borne poison immunity for a little while longer. (50 exp)
- Before they leave, POWERLAD flies off to praise Ninhursag again. His devotion has granted him a big ticket item - the BREATH OF NINHURSAG! He can breathe a cone of SIZE once per day. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn and the Halberdiers buy fancy clothes while everyone takes an opportunity to buy stuff. Got to prepare for the biohazard zone! (50 exp)

--- Biohazard Zone
- Later that day, they approach the lumpy and cancerous tentacles that have risen from below the south of the city. They definitely don't look healthy, the great tendrils having torn up through the flagstones and destroyed houses. There is a large central tentacle ahead, clearly that's the place to go! (50 exp)
- On the way they see some people with portable smoker boxes making jerky from bits of tentacle they've carved off with knives. It looks unappetising, but interesting. (50 exp)

- Hacker's Halberdiers swap some bags of apples for some of the jerky. The jerky-makers tell the party to watch out, people have been disappearing in the tentacle area and there are many reports of strange things lurking in this part of town. (50 exp)
- The party thank them and move on. They enter the vicinity of the major tentacle, once a major shopping area, and look in the shop windows. Most, if not all, are abandoned. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD smells something fishy. Like actually fishy. Maybe they can find a fishmongers and grab some of those strange eel fish! He follows his nose and most of the party follows. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn and Hacker's Halberdiers don't follow along. They've seen a fancy haberdashery! Their eyes alight, they head into the shop to see if they can nick some fine accoutrements. (50 exp)
--- The Haberdashery
- To their surprise, there is a man behind the counter! He seems very friendly and not at all worried about what's going on outside, if a little shrill. Fredregar asks if he's got any incredibly tight leggings for sale, and delightfully he does! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn is somewhat suspicious of this guy who professes no knowledge of anything being wrong. He cantrips Detect Magic to get a feel for magical shenanigans... and hears a knocking from the back room door. A knocking... and a strange impression of a fat man with buttons for eyes. (50 exp)
- Just then, they hear their friends yelling. They hurriedly grab their purchases and run out to find out what's going on! (50 exp)
--- The Fishmonger
- The smell of fish leads POWERLAD towards a shop with a happy fish on the sign. Too easy! It's dark inside, and there is lots of water on the ground where the glass counter shattered and let all the fish out. (50 exp)
- Coalminer Dan shines a rune-light around inside the place. The water on the ground has some of the strange eel-fish swimming around in it (score!) but to his horror there's a floppy cancerous ball of tentacles feasting on the fish in the darkness! (50 exp)

- It rushes at him! He tries to defend himself but he's forced back against the counter! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD rushes in to save him, punching the creature upwards and holding it aloft so that Lofty and Sturdy can skewer it with spears! (50 exp)
- The thing stops flopping about and sags, dead. Then Sir Robyn and Hacker's Halberdiers show up. All is well! (50 exp)
- Hacker's Halberdiers set about gathering up all the strange fish, luckily they all have fishing gear! Fish in hand, bucket and bag, the party head back out of the tentacle area and back towards the safety of the library. (50 exp)

- On the way they see a bunch of people stealing jerky from the jerky-smokers! The party give chase, Mori dashing across the rooftops while Coalminer Dan lets Galaxy Johnson loose to crawl through shadows after them... to no avail. (50 exp)
- They apologise to the jerky-smokers, who grumble about their hard work being wasted but thank the party for trying. At least they still have the apples. (50 exp)
--- The Library
- Eleanor is waiting for the party as they get back to the library. She's surprised that they managed to find the fish so quickly! Time to get rid of these spider eggs. (50 exp)
- The treatment is simple - let the fish wriggle down your throat into your belly where it will eat up all the spiders and spider eggs before you digest it! Easy. (50 exp)
- Sturdy is up first, she keels over in pain as the eel devours the spiders then starts devouring her stomach lining! The fish dies soon after, but she'll be in discomfort for a week or so. (50 exp)
- It's the same story with POWERLAD. Mori, horrifyingly, has an even worse reaction! The eel eats its way out of his stomach from the inside! (50 exp)

- As the party look on in horror, Sir Robyn steps forward and pulls the whole eel out with one smooth flick of the wrist! A class act! (50 exp)
- There's not even much damage he was that good. How astounding! (50 exp)
- Galaxy casually swallows an eel with no ill effects. His alien biology makes it look easy! (50 exp)
- And with that, the dreaded spider eggs are dealt with! No more poison immunity, but that's ok when the price is days of choking spiders out of your oesophagus. (50 exp)
- Eleanor decides to stay in Moondin, it's dangerous out there and Helix is going to fall soon anyway. Better anywhere than there! Sir Robyn sends a message to Shady Dave to tell him to come to Moondin too. (50 exp)
- With their spider eggs gone and their favourite physician safely in Moondin, the party's prospects look good! Or at least as good as things can be when the end of the world is at hand. (50 exp)
Total: 3500 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Ace Attorney bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
Total: 600 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Caller ( Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Timothy, Ollie, Tom - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Timothy, Ollie, Tom - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Tom*2 - 200 exp [for last week mixup!])
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Timothy, Kitty - 500 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:
- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 515sp. (Sir Robyn) 


Death Toll and Injuries:
- Not even one!

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 85290 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 7 (-35% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 37553 (Level up at 48000)-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 1 (-5% exp) --- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Octogenarian
- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 24315 (Level up at 36000)
- Fraser / Mori, Level 4 Elf (Worriganger): 22583 (Level up at 24000)
- Issy / Sturdy, Level 2 Dwarf: 3596 (Level up at 4400) 
- Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers, Level 3 Extras: 3145 (Level up at 6000)
+1d12 HP! +1 Named Character! +backstory!
Absent or Retired:
The Dwarfs
--- Randy, Level 4 Hench-Dwarf: 9884 (Level up at 17600)--- Gav, Level 0 Inclusion
- Ollie / Synthia,
 Level 4 Inheritor: 17135 (Level up at 18000) 
- James / Ratimir, 
Level 5 Ratman: 20944 (Level up at 24000) 
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

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