Friday, 11 January 2019

Session 210 - Return to TPK Mountain

Yes, it is finally here! The recap of the last session of 2018!

With Battlefortress Fate stalled by the machinations of the Rebellion, it turns out that Mt Death Frost is remarkably close by!
A quick trip across to see what's going on finds the mountain abandoned by the Dead, yet the survivors camped with the curtain walls still fear the fortress itself.
Our heroes, likely due to poor communication on my part, head for the nearby creepy cabin instead of the fortress' back door and see a bunch of creepy stuff in the basement dungeon lazily reskinned to be Christmassy.

Also this is the time we got kicked off our table but they gave us free booze for the night so that was good.

POWERLAD returns!
Dumbledorris has her soul sucked out... then becomes a soul sucker!
Galaxy RJ starts abusing his new abilities!
Abhor Global makes their interns battle to the death!
Oliver Snels runs away and gets spooked!

Might as well start this off with a CAVALCADE OF MEMES!

- All courtesy of Charles

- Tim draws Galaxy RJ, the newly revealed Martian Inheritor

- Look how fucking stoked she is about her Tracker sheet

Session 210 - Return to TPK Mountain

Campaign Date:
Wednesday 10th June, 1601
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent
Zenith: Dispater
Zodiac: Taurus

New Backstory:
- Oliver Snels saw things… terrible things… when he investigated the fallen star.

Treasure and Equipment:
- Jewelled blood dagger (1400 exp)
- Blood ruby necklace (1000 exp)
- 1900sp in coins, idols, and other valuable miscellany (1900 exp)
Total: 4300 exp

Enemies Defeated:
- A blobby flesh chimera (50 exp) - A lithe, ghoul-claw flesh chimera (50 exp) - A skittering vampiric level-draining flesh chimera (100 exp)
Total: 200 exp

- First party to reach Fortress Death Frost in 50 years. (300 exp) - First party to explore the Cabin on Mt Death Frost in 50 years. (200 exp) - First party to enter the Death Frost Dungeon in 50 years. (500 exp)
Total: 1000 exp

--- POWERLAD Returns!
- Finally it’s happened, a Christmas miracle! After weeks of bed rest, POWERLAD is back on his feet! Abhor Global reports much rejoicing! (50 exp)
- He quickly checks in with the great powers - Terms Termax and the Apocalypse Dragon Ninhursag. Terms Termax, aka Hyper-Jesus, checks in first via holy earpiece. (50 exp)
- Shit’s getting overwhelming for Terms, the Resistance has taken control of the city’s main load-bearing legs and the targeting array for the city’s macrocannon. Pls halp? (50 exp)
- POWERLAD promises to see what he can do, then checks in with Ninhursag via Drakencult High Priest Telepathy Powers. The great beast is out of the ground! Below, flickering in heartbeat-vision, cultists struggle to hold back the waves of lava that threaten to swamp Moondin. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD delivers a brief mental nudge to head towards the Prime Tentacle and destroy it. With a long ponderous motion, the dragon’s enormous head sweeps towards the east. It’s happening! (50 exp)
--- Death Frost Decision
- POWERLAD returns to the party and there is much rejoicing! He’s a little surprised to find that RJ is now Galaxy RJ, long-time doppelganger and collaborator, but weirder things have happened. (50 exp)
- Since the city is currently parked up on the edge of the enormous river Deeprush, prevented from wading across due to seditious activity, it’s only a mile or so from Mt Death Frost. (50 exp)
- And since it’s so close… why not travel that way? Let the angels handle the rebels for a bit, check out the old place, see how things are these days? Plus, it’s a high level dungeon. Shitloads of treasure for sure! (50 exp)
--- Return to the Mountain
- By wing and by chain-elevator they descend from the brass-and-stone grandeur of Battlefortress Fate, the flightless jumping into Guber-brand rune-cars to approach the mountain that looms grimly overhead. (50 exp)
- It’s a brisk day. God-beams blast down distantly. There is echoing silence, the squeal of Fate’s legs fading behind. No birdsong, not any more. Bulging, cancerous tentacles pulse and squirm wetly in the muddy ground amongst rotting wood and dead leaves, fat maggots chewing through tough tentacle-flesh and detritus alike, plopping out to writhe fatly in the muck. (50 exp)
- In the air, and on the hovering Guber platforms, they are safe from the grubs. It’s only an hour or so until they reach the foot of Mt Death Frost, following the same route that another group of doomed heroes took over half a century ago… (50 exp)
- The path upwards is lined with brightly painted animated skeletons pointing the way. The traps and pitfalls that once made the ascent so difficult are long disarmed. It’s easy to get to the top these days. (50 exp)
--- Camp Death Frost
- They approach the gates of the black fortress atop the mountain and find them closed, but it’s not long before someone spots them and calls down to them. Real people! After so long! (50 exp)
- The gates are opened and the Gubers allowed in. The courtyard within is covered in tents, the people inside seem happy and determined. Painted skeletons roam, carrying supplies and equipment from place to place. Cardinal Scream’s ravens are around, but there are so few left that he finds it hard to speak. (50 exp)
- The gate guard fetches the leader of the camp - Kat Tyburn. She’s loud, aggressive, and wears ludicrous fantasy armour. (50 exp)
- She tells them that they’ve had a few exploratory delves into the fortress since they arrived a few weeks ago, fleeing the Barrowmaze after their defeat at the hands of the vampire lord Cyrus. There are massive caches of food and water, plus a block of ice that contains the frozen body of Lulu the Barbarian. (50 exp)
- Only trouble is that they can’t live in there, hence the encampment. They’ve tried, and they’ve lost people. You go mad, or disappear, or suffer stranger fates. If you brave adventurers could clear the place out it’d be a real weight off her mind let me tell you. (50 exp)
- The other trouble is that Cyrus is going to get the Ossuary of All Bones soon, which means he’ll be able to raise the skeleton of the slain Apocalypse Dragon and presumably come back to murder everyone on his mountain. Pls halp! (50 exp)
- There are two entrances to the fortress, one in front through the skull door and one on the side with the cabin. Oh, the cabin? Yea there’s a spooky cabin nobody comes back from. Don’t go there, even if there miiight be a secret way into the fortress through it. (50 exp)
- Secret fortress entrance?! Sounds great! The party heads to the cabin, and since it’s Christmastime everything suddenly gets a very pasted-on festive veneer… (50 exp)
--- The Approach to the Cabin - Festive Edition!
- The approach to the cabin has lots of spooky candy-cane-coloured gravestones, a path leading to the door, and a hanging tree with some tinsel-rope still tied around the limb. (50 exp)
- One of Snels’ seeing-eye goblins goes to climb the tree and grab the tinsel, his claws gouging into the trunk which bleeds mulled wine, but finds himself being choked on a ghostly strand of tinsel! It’s itchy as hell, and deadly! (50 exp)
- Abhor Global spread out and find a grate going deep into the earth. They dislodge the grate and lower one of their number down on a rope… but it comes back with only a foot left! Horror! (50 exp)
- They also find a body in the snow. It’s a limp sack of skin that begins to move and wriggle and… oh it’s just Corpulus Thrall. He burbles a greeting when he sees it’s them, rather than some random rebel dead dude who’s unwisely investigating alone. (50 exp)
--- The Cabin Interior - Festive Edition!
- Inside the cabin it’s all done up for christmas. Christmas tree, tinsel, the works. A moose head cries ice from its eyeless head. A smashed clock leaks clear water which freezes as it falls. There are stockings above the fireplace. (50 exp)
- They check out the whole cabin and find fuck all. Brilliant. Corpulus unhelpfully says that he’s not really explored much, he doesn’t have the muscle mass to open the trapdoor you see, plus he only got here recently and all. The rot grubs all over the place eat flesh and he’s got a lot of it so he got the hell out of Necropolis. (50 exp)
- They open the trapdoor and Corpulus sloshes into it, falls down the shaft, and splats at the bottom. There are suddenly screams, so so many screams. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD shimmies down the handholds inside the shaft and sees what’s wrong! Oh yea, if flesh touches the screaming faces down here they start screaming, and Corpulus has a lot of it. (50 exp)
- The others follow. The screaming continues, mad chanting and wailing. At the end of the corridor is a demon face. In its mouth is a key. Dumbledorris turns the key, the door swings open, everyone bundles out aaaand the screaming stops. Thank goodness. (50 exp)
--- Death Frost Dungeon - the Chapel
- They are in an antechamber with many skeletal forearms, all left hands, on small tables. They smash them up since you can’t be too careful. The hands shatter like ice, melt, and refreeze quickly. The tables have splashy ice scultpures on them now. (50 exp)
- Corpulus lets the team take point, but at least he’s following along. They enter the next area - a large underground chapel. Chains hang from the ceiling. Pews lead to an altar inside a skull-mouthed alcove. There are basins on one wall, and a huge pipe organ on the other! (50 exp)
- Abhor Global officially recommend not playing the pipe organ. Snels can’t help himself and plays the well-known ballad Smoke on the Water. (50 exp)
- There are screams elsewhere in the dungeon. Something’s been woken up… (50 exp)
- More ballads are tried. Ghostbusters nets everyone a saving throw boost in here, while the House of the Rising Sun gives his next character +1 Wisdom, if that ever happens! (50 exp)
- Abhor Global inspect the altar in the skull mouth and see the bowl is empty. Suddenly, three of the interns begin fighting to the death! Johnny Mallet tries to pretend that it’s some sort of spooky ghost thing instead of him offering a promotion to whoever wins. (50 exp)
- Their blood is poured into the altar… and two objects are revealed within! Johnny Mallet lifts a bloodsoaked ruby-encrusted dagger and a bloodsoaked ruby amulet from the bowl. Both made of BLOOOOD! A good use of volunteer labour, that. (50 exp)
- Unfortunately they are clearly cursed. This might matter to another character, but Abhor Global mostly report on fights rather than getting involved so they’re alright. (50 exp)
- The basins contain fuckloads of teeth. No problem, Johnny Mallet needs to get rid of some dental records anyway. The dead interns’ teeth are dumped into the basin, and the nearby door swings open! (50 exp)
- They head through, finding dark corridors and doors whose hatch doors were once locked with submarine-esque locking wheels. Galaxy RJ recognises them as knock-offs of the hatch doors in Dwimmermount. (50 exp)
- There’s a corridor that doesn’t involve going through a once-locked hatch. They follow it and see, coming towards them, some crawling oozing amalgams of hands and legs and feet! Flesh monsters with an assortment of fearful powers, a blobby one, a ghoul-poison one, and most terrifyingly one with vampire fang hands that drains your levels! (50 exp)
--- Battle Against the Flesh Monsters
- POWERLAD punch-casts a Web, trapping the fiends! They get stuck, and the party fires at them while they fight their way out. Dumbledorris exudes ladymones to “chill the monsters out” and it totally works on two of them! (50 exp)
- Snels, meanwhile, runs away. Fuck that noise. (50 exp)
- Galaxy RJ has finished up a fire beam rune and blasts it at the uncontrolled monster, frying it. Abhor Global run to the pipe organ to play RIng of Fire by deceased bard Johnny Cash, but succeed only in deafening themselves. (50 exp)
- With the web burning away, Dumbledorris makes them fight each other for her love. Success! The others aim their crossbows and ranged weaponry at the fiery combat, ready to nuke the loser. (50 exp)
- The vampire fang creature sucks the life out of the ghoul claw one and looks admiringly at its mistress. The others nuke it! Crossbows and fire runes blast out at it…. But it’s still alive! (50 exp)
- Betrayed and hurt, it breaks out of Dumbledorris’ control! She screams as it bites her in the leg! She feels her life essence being sucked away, crippling her leg and draining, this cannot be overstated, a whole level of experience. (50 exp)
- Galaxy RJ slaps at it and transforms into a copy. The deafened interns nearby throw the blood dagger inaccurately, see it hit the ground and slop into blood, then reappear in the intern’s hand! (50 exp)
- Galaxy RJ bites into the vampire monster, slurps up its innards, and kills it! Dumbledorris immediately collapses on it to steal its overpowered powers. (50 exp)
- Dumbledorris can now drain levels with a bite, crippling enemies and healing herself, as well as passively steal memories. Fucking hell. (50 exp)
--- Don’t Mind Me
- Galaxy RJ heads down the corridor in flesh-monster-form. The perfect disguise! In the room beyond he sees a whole squirming floor of flesh monsters, slopping around a metal frankenstein-style bed. Also in the room - a book! (50 exp)
- The Book of All Flesh details how to create flesh monsters, just like the ones in this room and the ones they fought before. Neat! He gives it to POWERLAD for safekeeping. (50 exp)
- Since he’s a flesh monster and they won’t attack him, Galaxy RJ roots around under the flabby bodies of the flesh golems, finding 1900sp in lost valuables! Sweet! (50 exp)
- There is some debate as to what to do with the flesh golems. Clearly they’ve been making more of themselves, and they’re probably the reason why investigators disappear down here. But also they’re pretty innocent. What to do? Galaxy RJ says he’ll free them one day and moves off, awkwardly. (50 exp)
--- Snels jogs on
- Snels, down the corridor, has already discovered an eye made up of many eyes. It’s creepy. He looks around and picks another corridor, coming across another open door. (50 exp)
- He enters and finds many empty child-sized burial nooks. Freaky! He fucks off, freaking out, even leaving behind the scattered copper eye-coins all over the ground. (50 exp)
--- Regroup in the Dungeon
- He returns to the rest of the party, glad that he didn’t have to fight the flesh beasts. They decide to hole up in the chapel for now and debate whether to stick around here or head back up. (50 exp)
- Thus ends D&D 2018, hanging around in a hole in the ground in a spooky dungeon beneath a spooky cabin, having fought some horrible flesh monsters that were immediately devoured by someone in the party. Classic! (50 exp)
Total: 2850 exp

- AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Better Part of Valour bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Holy bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Long Deliberation bonus (50 exp)
- Mind Control to Major Tom bonus (50 exp)
- Monster Infighting bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1050 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Caller (James / Abhor Global - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Timothy / Galaxy RJ - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (George / Oliver Snels - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Suzie / Dumbledorris - 100 exp) - Bad Succ bonus (Suzie / Dumbledorris - 100exp) - Cursed bonus (James / Abhor Global - 100 exp) - JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty - 500 exp) - Art Attack bonus (Timothy, Charles - 100 exp ea.) - Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
Active Businesses:
- Blood Honey Healing 4 U (Co-dependent businesses)
--- Honey Healing. Safe. 1095sp. (Bertha)
--- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 10515sp. (Sir Robyn)


Death Toll and Injuries:
- Dumbledorris had her life essence sucked from her by a horrible vampire flesh monster, losing an entire level!
Exp Totals:
- Kitty / High Priest POWERLAD!, Level 8 Muscle Wizard: 149678 (Level up at 288000)
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 11 (-55% exp) 
- Suzie / Dumbledorris, Level 5 Inheritor: 29080 (Level up at 36000)
*LEVEL DRAIN* -1d6 HP. -2 meat points. -1 mutation capacity
- Timothy / Galaxy RJ, Level 6 Martian Inheritor: 38181 (Level up at 72000)
- James / Abhor Global, Level 4 Extras: 7852 (Level up at 12000)
*DING!* +1d12 HP! +Named Character! +backstory!
- Jorge / Oliver Snels, Level 3 Barbarian: 5773 (Level up at 8000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +2 rolls on Barbarian Table! +1 round rage! +backstory!

(Absent) Exp Totals 2 - Styx and the Twelve Apostles:
- Carter / Styx, Level 7 Goblin: 82575 (Level up at 128000)
--- Break, Robo-Armoured Goblin Buddy
--- 5 more Goblin Buddies
--- Dominique, Level 4 Necromancer: 9550 (Level up at 18000)
--- Ilda, Level 4 Fighter: 8621 (Level up at 16000)
--- Heriael, Level 3 Elf (Hauntling Glister): 6550 (Level up at 12000)
--- Zam, Level 2 Fighter: 2550 (Level up at 4000)
--- Hrundlfrust, Level 2 Specialist: 2050 (Level up at 3000)
--- Blixxer, Level 2 Specialist: 2050 (Level up at 3000) 

Absent or Retired:
- Tim D / Mortlocke, Level 3 Necromancer: 5350 (Level up at 9000) 
- Charles, ??? Romantico, Level 3 Barbarian: 5244 (Level up at 8000) 
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 10892 (Level up at 18000)
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)    
- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 23376 (Level up at 36000)
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 8 (-40% exp) 
- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 6 Magic-User: 62159 (Level up at 72000)
- Ollie / Flaming Fury, Level 6 Dwarf: 49511 (Level up at 70400)
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 4 (-20% exp) 
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 6 Reincarnated Shadow-Elf: 53575 (Level up at 96000)
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
- Jevgeni / Antez, Level 2 Necromancer: 3571 (Level up at 4500)
- Grecia / Glycon, Level 2 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 3571 (Level up at 6000)
- Ollie / Synthia, Level 5 Inheritor: 24881 (Level up at 36000)
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
- Henry / Witchfinder-Sergeant, Level 5 Cleric (Unorthodox): 14963 (Level up at 28000)
--- Erstwhile, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3105 (Level up at 4500)
- James / Ratimir, Level 6 Ratman: 33991 (Level up at 48000)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 6 Termaxian Cleric: 52811 (Level up at 56000)
--- 4 Henchmen Undeserving of Names, Level 0 Bootlickers
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)

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