Monday, 13 March 2017

Session 127 - Vitam Mortem

Everyone is dead.

Behold, a moving tribute to Zan's death -
Zan's Death - Session 127 - 

To mark this sad occasion and the end of an era, we're going to be advancing the game timeline by a few decades.
Surviving characters will become NPCs. Blank slate. If you have some idea of how your character's history would play out after all of your friends are dead, do feel free to let me know.

Session 127 - Vitam Mortem

Campaign Date:
Thursday, 19 May, 1550
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent
Zodiac: Taurus

Enemies Defeated:
- Aetheldredd Aleph, Exalted Interrogator
- A couple of skeletons
- A whole lot of skeleton hands
Total: party kill

Treasure and Equipment:

- A golden goblet (6666 exp)
- An emerald-set mummy crown (1400 exp)
Total: party kill

Exploration:- We cannot get out... They are coming.
Total: party kill


- There is an air of acceptance and grim humour around the table. Today's theme music is Ride of the Rohirrim for its air of doomed heroism.
-- Outside
- Lulu has ascended Mt Death Frost, barbarian army at her back. They fight a doomed rearguard action against the limitless Dead, giving Lulu ONE CHANCE to enter the fortress!
- She peels off with her honour guard and the newly-returned Dante the Elf, wrenches the ramp off the siege tower, and they use it as cover against the massive amounts of crossbow fire.
- By the time Lulu reaches the cover of the skull-mouth gate, only 3 barbarians remain alive.
- The skull yawns wide! The ramp is put under the chomping teeth of the gate, saving the life of the last barbarian to walk through.
- They're in the gatehouse. Crawling skeletal hands pour from the murderholes above!
- Lulu goes to pull the door open and... it's blocked! Of course! The others blocked it last session!
- Lulu instead just goes to murder all the crawling hands, she belly flops and does the worm and rolls around and just crushes the shit out of them. Meanwhile...
-- Inside
- Jade's arm is grabbed! It's zombie Lorrick, crushed head and all! She smacks it with her sword, and in return it nearly scratches her face off! She plays dead, which she nearly is.
- Zan steps past with his electro-mace and smashes Zombie Lorrick! Zombie Lorrick dies again!
- Someone unblocks the main doors, and Lulu enters with the other team! Hurrah!
- Cranky Jim and the newly healed Jade approach the altar with the express purpose of desecrating it. While Jade uses a puppet to maneuvre the golden goblet into her backpack, Jim starts carving a fire rune onto the rear of the altar.
- This triggers the clay golem. 
I realise that everyone is actually going to die here.
- The hand grabs Cranky Jim, crushing his arm! Everyone else whirls round to confront this enormous foe.
- Many charge. Lorrick Jr casts a Magic Squirrile, Svetnir charges with his hedge trimmers, Zan heals with a chocolate orange.
- A multi-wrestle results in Jade getting flicked into a wall and crushing her arm. She's fucked.
- Kuan-Tim engages a Repel Life rune, heals Jade with it, rolls under the hand, forces the hand against the altar but also heals it.
- Lulu flicks the magic rope around a finger, tries to argue that this means the hand is "plausibly trapped" to no avail.
- He walks in, nobody answers his questions, 2d6 damage for all as their BONES FREEZE WITHIN THEM
- JADE DIES - frozen solid from within.
- THE BARBARIANS DIE, shattering!
- Kwan-Tim passes out!
- POWERMAN gets severe frostbite! He's hurting!
- Lulu grapples the mummy, shoves rags into its mouth to prevent it speaking. It works!!!
- Guido is the only one still standing versus the hand. It crushes his body! Guido's head rolls along the ground, wailing.
- Skeletons are piling out of the door. Sophia Subjugates the first two and sends them at the hand! Zan casts heroism! Lorrick swaps a spell mid-cast and OH NO
- Chaos Reigns! He begins vomiting out a huge eel with his dad's face. It wriggles from his throat constantly! Shit's nasty!
- Lulu and the mummy are evenly matched! They continue wrestling despite stabs from emerging skeletons!
- Zan HOLDS THE DOOR! Skeletons can no longer emerge!
- Cranky Jim runs past the hand into the next room... discovering the hand is attached to a giant clay man! Fuck that, he says, and shoves ALL THE DRUGS into his mouth! He does a gambit, hoping to disable the hand!
- "It's atrocious. Hahaha!" - Andy
- CRANKY JIM DIES. He's crushed against the wall, breaking his neck. He spasms for a few rounds more. In his drug-addled mind, he's a victorious hero. I discover I was actually really fond of Cranky Jim.
- Lulu's pinned the fucking mummy, and twists his head clean off! The skull rolls around and lands next to Guido, who can do nothing as he witnesses the deaths of all his friends!
- Sophia runs to save POWERMAN! Electroshock makes the hand spasm!
- Zan and Lulu are murdering skeletons, while Sophia tries to shield the unconscious POWERMAN with her body... she does so... but the hand extends a finger and slowly, cruelly, crushes her spine.
- Lulu and Zan are the only ones remaining conscious... exceopt Lorrick Jr finally stops vomiting that eel! Last attempts at survival are attempted. Zan's spells keep getting disrupted by skeletons. Zan holds the line as Lulu flees.
- The hand begins squishing unconscious foes one at a time. Squish. Squish. Squish.
- Zan bolts for Guido's head. Priority is now to save Guido. The skeletons assault Lorrick, who's quickly knocked out before they turn back to Lulu et al.
- "Fucking Lulu is tabking death rolls. God help us all".
- POWERMAN tries valiantly to destroy the hand... but it crushes him and gives him brutal brain damage. The only thing he can mutter is "Sophia... S-Sophia...". I hate this.
- Sophia and POWERMAN are crushed together, now they'll never be apart.
- Lulu grabs Guido and activates Bullshit Backstory ability to "survive the results of a cataclysmic failure".
- Zan holds the door. He kills 36 skeletons before finally succumbing.
- The fortress returns to the soft silence of a tomb.
Total: party kill

- Art Attack bonus (Charles' Next - 100 exp)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Charles' Next - 100 exp)
- Attacco d'Video Magnifico bonus (Charles' Next - 100 exp)
- Recap Remembrancer bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Ollie's Next, Fraser's Next - 100 exp ea.)
- Sole Survivor bonus (Lulu/Ollie's Next - 1000 exp)
Total: party kill + bonuses
- Ask not for whom the bell tolls
- It tolls for thee

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Lulu Spiderbite, probably crippled but somehow alive.
- Guido, decapitated (but survived, of course)
- Zan, fought off an army of skeletons before finally succumbing
- Cranky Jim, neck snapped against a wall by a giant clay arm
- Sophia, crushed by a giant clay thumb
- POWERMAN, nearly died of hypothermia before being crushed by a giant clay finger
- Jade, frozen from the inside
- Svetnir, bled (sapped?) out due to the unkind ministrations of a giant clay hand
- Lorrick Jr, stabbed to death by skeletons after spending most of combat vomiting out one long eel
- Dante, fell unconscious then died of unknown causes
- Kuan-Tim, smooshed by giant clay finger


Exp Totals:
Oli / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 7 Barbarian: 96053 (Level up at 128000)*MIA*
Charles / Zan, Spermling of Zea, Level 7 Cleric (Termaxian): 78190 (Level up at 112000)
Andy / Cranky Jim, Level 6 Dwarf: 63165 (Level up at 70400)
Kitty / Sophia, Level 6 Necromancer: 61928 (Level up at 72000)
-- POWERMAN!, Level 5 POWERFIGHTER: 20551 (Level up at 32000)
-- Guido, Possessed Skull
Tom / Jade, Level 5 Elf (Languid Wastrel): 36737 (Level up at 48000)
Fraser / Svetnir, Level 4 Goblin: 14952 (Level up at 16000)*DECEASED*
Henry / Lorrick Jr, Level 2 Magic-User: 5026 (Level up at 9000)
Warren / Dante, Level 2 Elf (Flitting Gad): 3586 (Level up at 6000)
James / Kuan-Tim, Level 1 Specialist: 1068 (Level up at 1500)

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