Sunday, 19 March 2017

Session 128 - New Year New Me

We're back! With a time loop gimmick!
In a brazen attempt to delay while I update everything for a 50 year time jump, the ALL NEW party is stuck in the malevolent influence of the TIME CUBE! An artifact of impossible power that controls TIME ITSELF!
They are also stuck in Dunnsmouth. A backwater swamp full of fog and racists.

Inline images 1
- Tom draws new arrival Captain Book

Session 128 - New Year New Me

Loop ?

- Insanity Mammoth, Barbarian Weaponsmith
- Banjo Fishwick, Specialist and former Riverbank Comber
- Joe, Barbarian Taxidermist
- Zena, Quill-Cutter Fighter
- Andromeda Buffy Spiderbite, Falconer Muscle Wizard
- William Fox-Shitt, Glue-Sniffing Cleric
- POWERLAD!, Muscle Wizard Crossbow-Maker
- Blue Jon, Soldier-Wizard

Enemies Defeated:
- Herman van Kaus (10 exp)
- Klaudia van Kaus (10 exp)
- Herman van Kaus (10 exp)
Total: 30 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- 2 rations
- Some garlic
Total: 0 exp

Exploration:- Explored 3 Dunnsmouth houses (150 exp)
Total: 150 exp


- A party of adventurers sails into a bank of fog, heading towards some very familiar docks. (50 exp)
- The Tillerman shrieks and jumps off the boat, screaming "NOT AGAIN!". Banjo hooks him in with his gaff hook for questioning. (50 exp)
- A man looms from the fog, looking like the guy from American Gothic. He questions the party about what they're doing here... and seems pretty snooty about Insanity Mammoth's foreign-ness. (50 exp)
- He lets the bot tie up for a couple of silvers, but then Insanity Mammoth attacks! The old guy is surprisingly spry, poking the barbarian in the chest with his pitchfork and cutting the boat adrift! (50 exp)
- Insanity Mammoth dives overboard and swims to the pier, finding himself looking up at Herman as he lobs a flaming lantern onto the boat! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD falls unconscious immediately from smoke inhalation, so others have to bundle him off the side as they bail! (50 exp)
- Insanity Mammoth rears from the water and smacks the guy on the head, knocking him out cold. He's tied up as the other party members drag themselves onto the pier. (50 exp)
- While several people search the ramshackle hut, others eat to heal. Handily, he's got a ton of rations stocked up, along with some money in a chest. Score! They break Herman's ankles inside the chest. (50 exp)
- Oh yea, this whole place is swampy horrible bog. It sucks. Waterlogged ropes and sticks and slippery mouldy planks lead further inland, eventually coming to a three storey house with a part-submerged first floor. (50 exp)
- A window with a rope ladder to it is the entrance. Insanity Mammoth climbs to knock on the window but William Fox-Shitt, glue-sniffing and uncharismatic Cleric, pipes up first. An old woman with a HUGE crossbow comes down the stairs, asking WHO'S THERE?! (50 exp)
- After a brief chat, she fires! And her crossbow fucks up. Oops. Insanity Mammoth takes the opportunity to ATTACK! She shanks him with a carved antler dagger, poisoning the poor guy, but he quickly disarms her and shanks her in the neck. (50 exp)
- Meanwhile, in the waterlogged basement, Bluejon the Wizard was searching for an extra entry only to discover LEECHES! His attempts to pull them off hurt, but luckily Banjo's on hand with a torch to burn them off. (50 exp)
- The house is looted. She's not got much, but some bone-tipped crossbow bolts along with a rack of spices and a bunch of garlic isn't all that bad. Insanity Mammoth takes her heart and ears, the latter to feed Andromeda's hawk, and buries her in a shallow grave outside. (50 exp)
- Luckily POWERLAD is a trained crossbow maker! He fixes the enormous crossbow fairly easily. (50 exp)
- Hearing muffled cries of pain from the pier shack, Insanity Mammoth goes to finish him off. The rest continue as he steals that heart too. (50 exp)
- The only house before the swamp gets too deep to easily squelch through belongs to one Bernard von Kaus, pumping for yabbies or lugworm or something with his son. He has a fabulous moustache! (50 exp)
- Andromeda shows him his mother's ears for some reason. He yells at his wife to GET THE GUN! (50 exp)
- He's stabbed through his glorious moustache. It will be missed. (50 exp)
- Bluejon sends his kestrel down the chimney! For some reason! It is cooked quite easily, burning to a crisp. Nobody is entirely sure of the decision-making process that went into this, but Andromeda at least cannot stop laughing. Horrifically, it's a familiar and thus cannot die. It says "kill meeee! Kill meeeee!" in a voice only Bluejon can understand. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD! heads in to wrestle the wife, but ends up pinned with a knife to his throat. Fuck. Someone goes for the child outside. The wife threatens to kill POWERLAD if she doesn't get her son! (50 exp)
- Insanity Mammoth tries to shoot her, misses. She wails as she slices POWERLAD's throat open, his mildly electric blood fizzing out of him. (50 exp)
Total: 1050 exp

Misc:- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Infamy bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- PETA bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- War Crime bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- What the Fuck Guys bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
- Death's Witness bonus (All who witnessed POWERLAD's death - 100 exp ea.)
Total: 750 exp
Death Toll and Injuries:
- POWERLAD, throat slit by despairing woman. Time loop reset.

Exp Totals:
- Banjo Fishwick, Specialist (Con man): 348 (Level up at 1500)- William Fox-Shitt, Level 1 Cleric: 348 (Level up at 1750)
- Insanity Mammoth, Level 1 Barbarian: 348 (Level up at 2000)
- Joe, Level 1 Barbarian: 348 (Level up at 2000)
- Zena, Level 1 Fighter: 348 (Level up at 2000)
- Andromeda Buffy Spiderbite, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 348 (Level up at 2250)
- Blue Jon, Level 1 Magic-User: 348 (Level up at 2250)
- POWERLAD!, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 248
 (Level up at 2250)

Loop ?

- POWERLAD!, Muscle Wizard Crossbow-Maker
- Ignacious Dark, Moorish Fighter, ex-Prison Warden
ZARAT, Ratman who fled a sinking ship
- Flaming Fury, Dwarven Academic
- Captain Book, Mad Pirate
- William Fox-Shitt, Glue-Sniffing Cleric
- Meg, Halfling Clown
- Elf, Elf
- Borrick, Dwarven Dentist

Enemies Defeated:
- Herman Van Kaus (10 exp)
Total: 10 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Unknown. Loop in progress.
Total: Unknown

- Explored 3 Dunnsmouth houses (150 exp)
- Entered the Church (50 exp)
- Encountered Magda (50 exp)
- Discovered the stone circle (50 exp)
Total: 300 exp

A party of adventurers sails into a bank of fog, heading towards some very familiar docks. POWERLAD steers them in. (50 exp)- A man looms from the fog, looking like the guy from American Gothic. He questions the party about what they're doing here... and is an absolutely MASSIVE racist. (50 exp)
- The Dwarfs, Elf, Halfing and Ratman are forced to punt the longboat away from the pier. The swarthy Ignacious Dark is a target of particular hatred, Herman only relents when he's told that Ignacious is a William's slave (50 exp)
--- Team Human
- Ignacious intially holds up against the cavalcade of racial insults, but being called "darkie" is too much for him. He jumps in to attack Herman. The old guy is surprisingly spry, poking the fighter in the chest with his pitchfork! (50 exp)
- Captain Book ducks under the pitchfork and slashes Herman's chest to shit with his broken cutlass, pulls his guts out of his belly, and strangles him to death with his own viscera. A victory for social justice! (50 exp)
- They jump into the slain Herman's skiff and punt it through the deeper waters of the swamp, heading straight for the church. (50 exp)
- They get to where the deep water kind of just peters out into soggy bog and walk up to the Church, meeting the kinda crazy priest within, Father Iwanopolous. (50 exp)
- Captain Book heads off to the house just along the way and introduces himself to Billy-Sue Samson, a rather attractive older lady who quickly whisks the dear captain off to bed. Coitus ensues. (50 exp)
- While "William Fuck-Sake" goes off to get trashed on communion wine with Father Iwanopolous, the other humans check out the graveyard. Four surnames keep coming up - Duncaster, Dunlop, Samson and Van Kaus. (50 exp)
- Captain Book keeps trying to get info from Billy-Sue mid-coitus, but she tells him to shut up and keep going. Captain Book is slightly disconcerted to find that she moans a bit like a man. We leave the situation here! (50 exp)
--- Non-Humans
- The demihuman party try to head into the swamps in their longboat, but quickly get stuck in the bog. They climb up onto slightly-less-wet ground and discover a stone cottage right at the edge of the water. (50 exp)
- Inside is... a gypsy! Wonderful! They cross her palm with silver, and she lets them inside to dry off. Her name is Magda and she's here to find the Time Cube - an artifact of immense magical power. (50 exp)
- She also seems to have some knowledge of the time loop, going "aahh of course!" to the theory that the loop restarts whenever someone dies. Definitely Time Cube related, she says. She also warns the party about a man called Uncle Ivan who claims to be her husband. (50 exp)
- She gives the party some gypsy healing salves (heals 1d6 HP, or wipes out poison) and declines their offer to join them. (50 exp)
- They head on, finding the grandma's house from before! Meg the Halfling attempts to persuade the old woman that she's just going to the church to meet Uncle Ivan. Granny doesn't buy it and fires the massive crossbow, misses, and asks Meg to stand still while she reloads. (50 exp)
- Meg bolts before she can do so, but the group do see a large stone circle. In the centre, a catamaran and an Elf checking out a standing stone. Under a nearby lean-to, three people with weird spider mutations. (50 exp)
- The spider men seem friendly and chatty. The Time Cube is mentioned, and the time form a cube shape with their hands to demonstrate. But suddenly one of the party is engulfed in Faerie Fire! Oh no! The spider people, reluctantly, attack. We end on that cliffhangerish moment. (50 exp)
Total: 850 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations 
bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Coitus boners (50 exp)
- Deja Vu 
bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus bonus (50 exp)
- Social Justice Warrior bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- What the Fuck Guys bonus (50 exp)
Total: 500 exp

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None yet!

Exp Totals:
- POWERLAD!, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 433 (Level up at 2250)
- William Fox-Shitt, Level 1 Cleric: 433
 (Level up at 1750)
- Captain Book, Level 1 Specialist (Pirate): 185 (Level up at 1500)
- ZARAT, Level 1 Ratman: 185 (Level up at 1500)

- Ignacious Dark, Level 1 Fighter: 185 (Level up at 2000)
- Meg, Level 1 Halfling: 185 (Level up at 2000)- Borrick, Level 1 Dwarf: 185 (Level up at 2200)
- Flaming Fury, Level 1 Dwarf: 185 (Level up at 2200)
- Elf, Level 1 Elf (Bibliognost): 185 (Level up at 3000)

Since the characters are getting shuffled between loops, any meta exp stuff is going to be tied to YOU the player, not the character! So here goes:

Individual Bonus Exp:
- Art Attack bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Cartographer bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Recap Remembrancer bonus (Kitty - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Fraser, Ollie, James G, Andy, Charles, otherswhoimighthaveforgottenpleaseletmeknow - 100 exp ea.)

Meta-Exp Totals:
- Tom: 200 exp
- Kitty: 100 exp
- Fraser: 100 exp
- Ollie: 100 exp
- James G: 100 exp
- Andy: 100 exp
- Charles: 100 exp

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