Tuesday, 16 January 2018

Session 164 - What Happens in the Four Dimensional Art Gallery...

Santa is dead. 4D art is very strange. A dark and murderous new Santa takes flight.
Plus Galaxy Johnson witnesses a gay orgy. I don't know why Charles blames me for that, it was his spell fuckup.

Session's today, so here goes!

Session 164 - What Happens in the Four Dimensional Art Gallery...
Campaign Date:
Wednesday, 18 December, 1600
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent
Zodiac: Sagittarius

New Characters:
- Aces Fontaine, a gambler from Edge who worked in the Greater Edge Library until his gambling habits and the demonic invasion forced him out.

New Backstory:
- Hurtful things were said about Rambunctious Crumpet, but he made them hurt just as much. (Once per session, deal us much damage as you just took to your attacker)
- Sir Robyn moved to the city in his youth to make connections for his family and fell into studying law. It's a glamorous career and he liked the hats. His lecturer, a raccoon called Professor Scamps, suggested they go on the road to gain experience as a journeyman lawyer. That's how he got where he is today. (+1 Charisma)
- It turns out that Ratimir idolises Bertha as someone who came from a lowly background and uses her powers and connections to genuinely make life better for people. The true spirit of communism. (When Bertha succeeds at something, Ratimir gets a +1 to doing the same thing)

Enemies Defeated:
- An extradimensional art yeti (1000 exp)
Total: 1000 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- A gold demon mask (500 exp)
- A snowglobe containing a tiny model of Fortress-City Fate (10 exp)
- A number of small individually precious objects (60 exp)
Total: 506 exp

- First party to enter the Four Dimensional Art Gallery (100 exp)
- Explored 7 dungeon areas (140 exp)
- A secret door found (50 exp)
Total: 290 exp

- We open on that cliffhanger, raccoon familiar soaring through the air towards Oshregaal, contents of the table in midair after a failed attempt to sweep the tablecloth out from under the food. (50 exp)
- The raccoon lands and food and drink smashes to the ground. Oshregaal is laughing uproariously at the entertainment. But SUDDENLY a christmassy jingle of bells is heard followed by an explosion! (50 exp)
- Oshregaal tries to command the barbarians around the dinner table to go check it out, but they're all strung out on blood honey and in no shape to do anything. Reluctantly, Oshregaal asks the party to go check it out. He does keep Randy as a guest/storyteller/hostage though. (50 exp)
- Stepping out onto the chilly mountain road, a thin plume of smoke can be seen rising higher up the slope. An ominous "ho ho ho" can be heard, and vague shadowy figures with eyes like coals can be seen moving around up there. (50 exp)

- By the time the party reach the crash site, the beings are gone. There's lots of smashed blobs of meat that hit the ground at high speed and a whole lot of blood, and a very quaint christmassy sleigh. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn is consulted on the legality of looting a downed aircraft, who kicks the question on to Professor Scamps. It's totally legal! (50 exp)
- Near the downed sleigh, the very shiny red nose of a smashed up reindeer flickers out like a bad lightbulb. Rambunctious cries.  In the sleigh, a fat man in a red suit has been gored, stabbed, gutted, and suffered all sorts of horrid fates. His jaw is partially torn off, and he chokes his last shuddering breaths through the gore. (50 exp)

- A thin gold mask lies on the floor of the sleigh. Professor Scamp is sent to grab it and put it on Santa's face, but nothing happens. Nothing continues to happen when Rambunctious tries to put the mask on. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson uses a beam-light-mass glyph to temporarily heal Santa's jaw, but all he can mouth before he dies is "tis the season to be greedy... purchase... consume...". As he dies his body begins turning into mud, and a snowglobe with a small model Fate inside is revealed inside his chest. (50 exp)

- Santa's expanding silk sack is grabbed. Strange lights can be seen spinning and spiraling above Pembrooktonshire, occasionally plummeting to burn and kill something in the town below, but the screams are ignored. Also seen nearby - a circle of standing stones picturing people being eaten by some great monster. A trail leads to a nearby cave. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn sees the strange language and recognises it from his studies! It's the language of the Yeti, and it says that this is a four-dimensional art gallery! (50 exp)
- Interest piqued, the party enter the cave. The walls drip with moisture, and they decide to follow the exhibit numbers. The first artwork is a block of black basalt that radiates a faint heat. Sir Robyn reads the nearby plaque out of interest. (50 exp)

- The next exhibit is a strange twisting sculpture that seems to almost move. While everyone else appreciates the artwork, Nix smells a dank damp smell and sees smoking eyes in the darkness, but as soon as she turns to warn the others the eyes are gone. (50 exp)

- Moving in further, a few skeletons are seen lying on the ground in an alcove. Rambunctious Crumpet smashes them up, and the name of the artist on the nearby plaque changes to Rambunctious Crumpet. Or was it always so? (50 exp)
- There is a big frozen pool of water ahead filling the cavern. The party are just beginning to discuss how they'll get across when Galaxy Johnson is grabbed by a massive furry hand from behind! Miraculously, he manages to stop it from dragging him back into the darkness! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD acts quickly, smashing it with a massive Magic Missile punch to the fucking jaw. It flies into the darkness, howling. (50 exp)

- Yeti dealt with, the question of how to get across the ice comes back up. It cracks when stepped on, so that's no good. Sir Robyn comes up with the idea of expanding a toy boat from Santa's sack, and the SS Kickass is born! Now about the size of a pedallo, it's perfect. (50 exp)

- Paddling along with bits of broken sleigh, they go down some rapids into warmer water. The next exhibit after making landfall is a flat visually distressing pool or perhaps an opening to a vivid unbroken flat red colour. A rock is thrown in, and it falls forever until it's out of sight. (50 exp)
- In the next room is a door that is the concept of a door. Every person sees it as the door they see in their mind's eye when told to picture a normal door. There's lots of art inside! (50 exp)

- There's a lot of weird shit in here. A hanging marble block with shifting light upon it. A mirror that reflects your residual self-image. A violent explosion of black glass caught in time. It's all so interesting that nobody notices that the giant hand has grabbed Galaxy Johnson again and pulled him silently into the darkness. (50 exp)
- Before he can be strangled to death, he snap-casts an explosion beam! It blows him and the Yeti away from each other and it disappears into the darkness again! Sir Robyn yells out to try and talk to the yeti, but all it says is to use coupon code MYBROTHER for money off at the gift shop. (50 exp)
- They move on, and find another concept of a door behind which are identical exhibits. Hmmm. It seems that this corridor actually loops back round into the same room! (50 exp)
- Also found - a secret room behind a wall that was never there with a large sphere of rock simultaneously in all states of creation and decomposition. Possibly the entrance for four dimensional visitors. (50 exp)
- In an attempt to kill the yeti, a plan is enacted. Galaxy Johnson will again be within reaching distance... but he'll be roped onto everyone else. They set the trap, the others pretend to remark on the art, and Galaxy Johnson is grabbed! (50 exp)
- Galaxy begins to be crushed by the massive paw of the massive beast, but a dead accurate crossbow bolt from POWERLAD and a massive punch from an Enlarged Nix kill the beast! It falls backwards onto a pedestal surrounded by red velvet ropes. The plaque says the piece was a collaboration between several artists. (50 exp)

- With that whole area explored, it's time to get back into the boat. Galaxy spell-swaps to Enlarge and... CHAOS REIGNS! The magical energy goes awry and everyone except Galaxy Johnson and Nix suddenly becomes hopelessly aroused! (50 exp)
- It's a very tactile exhibit. Ahem. While the all-male orgy goes on with considerable intensity, Galaxy Johnson watches on with horror while Nix takes the opportunity to work on her map. Apparently this is nothing particularly outrageous to a Barbarian. Notably, Rambunctious Crumpet uses his ability to "reflect damage back on the attacker" to make things very interesting for his lover. (50 exp)

- In distant Moondin, Bertha wonders how POWERLAD is doing. (50 exp)
- Some time later the orgy peters out. What happens in the four dimensional art gallery stays in the four dimensional art gallery. Unfortunately the Enlarge spell has worn off the boat by now. Was the gay orgy for nothing?! (50 exp)
- Apparently yes. POWERLAD casts Fly, Sir Robyn casts Floating Disk, and together they ferry the rest of the characters across the frozen pond. (50 exp)
- Just as they're reaching the exit, a small personally precious item appears rotating in front of each of them. POWERLAD gets a locket with Bertha's face on it, Rambunctious gets a golden ship that spins around his head, Ratimir gets a small copy of Carl Mouse's Communist Mousifesto, stuff like that. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn states coupon code MYBROTHER and receives a parallel reality version of his raccoon familiar! They're not great friends since one specialises in prosecution and the other specialises in defence, but they're both familiars! (50 exp)
- Upon exiting the cave the lights can still be seen spiralling through the air over the burning town of Pembrooktonshire. One by one, they peel off and shoot overhead towards somewhere in the south. Evil Santa's on the warpath! (50 exp)
- The party argue over whether they should bother rescuing Randy from his fate in Oshregaal's house. Nix and POWERLAD, who know Randy was abandoned by his former party and don't want to do that to the poor guy again, advocate saving him. (50 exp)
- Nix goes in alone, finding the party winding down. Randy is lying on Oshregaal's lap, telling him his life story. A tear rolls down his face when he sees Nix came back for him! Nix chats with Oshregaal for a while, talking about being a demons and stuff. (50 exp)
- He invites everyone to sleep over in his comfy spare bedrooms, but Nix declines. Oshregaal tells her that she and her friends are invited to his next party. Nix and Randy knock on the door to signal that they're ready to leave... and panic when nobody opens the door!! Nix tugs frantically at the handle and is massively relieved when the demon butler opens the door with a look of confusion. It wasn't a trap! (50 exp)
- As she leaves, she passes Rambunctious Crumpet who's coming in to collect the party's coats. The three-armed butler at the coat check can sense he's no longer a virgin and winks. (50 exp)
- He asks how to become a demon, and the butler tells him that he can show him. Rambunctious follows the demon up to a bedroom, feeling pretty sketchy. Apparently dying in the vicinity of the black sun means you're reborn as a demon. (50 exp)
- Rambunctious consents to being killed by erotic strangulation, and during the act he causes his golden floating ship to penetrate the butler. Because of course. Rambunctious Crumpet dies, but at least he enjoyed it. (50 exp)
- ... and somewhere, in some place, under a red sky and a black sun, a shape emerges from the muck and mud at the side of a slowly moving river. Smooth black stones fall from its slopping vaguely-human form as it gasps a first shuddering breath. Another demon is born. (50 exp)
Total: 2250 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Coitus boners (50 exp)- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Homoerotic bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Long Deliberation bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- SpoOOOoOOooOky bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- Trapsetter bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp) 
Total: 950 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Caller (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom / Aces Fontaine - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Extra exp for Ollie's gnarly art attacks last time I forgot (Ollie / Andromeda - 400 exp)

Active Businesses:
- Bone Alone. Wild. 302sp. (Zena's Stake: 201sp, Carrie's Stake: 101sp)
- Honey Healing. Safe. 2034sp. (Nix's Stake: 1696sp. Bertha's Stake: 338sp)

- -

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None!

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 7 Barbarian: 75951 (Level up at 128000)
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2 (-10% exp)

--- Randy, Level 2 Hench-Dwarf: 3655 (Level up at 4400)
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 67078 (Level up at 72000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 24013 (Level up at 48000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 level 3 spell/day! +1 level 1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2 (-10% exp)
- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 18365 (Level up at 24000)- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 2 Magic-User: 2915 (Level up at 4500)
- Tom / Rambunctious Crumpet, Level 2 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 1546 (Level up at 3000)*DECEASED*
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
Absent or Retired:
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 22418 (Level up at 36000)
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

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