Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Session 162 - Angels and Demons

In a terrible turn of events my laptop no longer charges. Woe! Woe! Luckily I had everything on an external SD card.

Tomorrow I'll try to muddle through using a borrowed ipad and maybe some sort of bluetooth tether to my old phone which can take an SD card... we'll see.

As for THIS, we're back for the new year! We missed out on doing the Christmas Special last year so I'll make sure that's prepped and good to go... it is still December in Loegria after all.

Nix and POWERLAD, accompanied by the inestimable Randy the Dwarf, travel north. On the way they see a bunch of new and strange stuff... including their first meeting with an actual Angel and an actual Demon. It's almost like the title of a shit novel!
Gush has been blasted with successive god beams, presumably to prevent the evident tentacle outbreak in the city, and villages beyond have been heavily impacted by the demons which pour from Dwimmermount.

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Session 162 - Angels and Demons

Campaign Date:
Sunday, 13 December, 1600
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent
Zodiac: Ophiuchus

New Backstory:
- Bertha feels so so proud and lucky that POWERLAD is absolutely smitten with her, getting married and escaping her old life was the best thing that could have happened. (Once per session, cause someone who trusts you to pass all morale and fear checks for the next ten minutes)

Enemies Defeated:
- An Angel (50 exp)
- 4 huge-mouthed pus creatures (300 exp)
- A huge pustulent gluttonous flesh monster (1000 exp)
Total: 1350 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 64gp, 117sp, 23cp (3320 exp)
- Quality 1 Misericorde
- Quality 5 Hand axe
- Quality 5 Pike
- Waterskin full of bile
- 3 tabs of Unmandy
- 10 doses of Otherpot
- A "hilarious" poorly made pipe shaped like a penis.
- A suit of strange pale pink armour with the shape of a fat, many-breasted woman. Protects like Plate, light as Leather. May or may not have horrible side effects. (50 exp)
- A purple mask from a Gluttony demon
Total: 3320 exp

- Travelled around 60 miles (200 exp)
- 2 random encounters (100 exp)
- First party to enter Gush (500 exp)
- First party to enter Cound (100 exp)
- First party to enter Marcus' Belly (100 exp)
- Explored 6 dungeon areas (120 exp)
Total: 480 exp

- Now that the feuding factions of Necromancers and RISEN have united under the banner of Ninhursag, Bertha leads them back to Moondin to help with tentacle poison research. Legit! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD and Nix wave as they leave and decide to head north and check out Dwimmermount, maybe grab some of that fuel for the Slaughtergrid that's still buried in the mountains. (50 exp)
- Before they head off, POWERLAD preaches the gospel of Ninhursag to Nix, who duly receives the blessing of the Eyes of Ninhursag - the ability to see heartbeats. (50 exp)
- Rumours are heard - witches are in Caversdale and a clearly outdated rumour about RISEN battling for control of Moondin. (50 exp)
- On the road north, a Necromancer loudly ringing a bell and yelling that everyone should resist the Final Dogma is leading a small troupe of colourfully painted skeletons. Cyrus' mainstream Dead don't get painted, see. He painted them himself! (50 exp)
- Leaving on good terms, POWERLAD and Nix keep heading on, reaching the massive bridge to Gush. There's an oily rainbow sheen on the water below. (50 exp)
- There's an extensive shanty town on the bridge in front of Gush, but the city itself has apparently been abandoned. Asking around, apparently time has stopped inside the city! (50 exp)
- The gate is open though, so the pair investigate. Inside there are many zones of stopped time, inflicted by successive god-beams. In the affected zones are tentacles erupting from the ground, tentacle cultists, and all that good stuff. (50 exp)
- Investigating further, POWERLAD casts Fly and throws rocks to investigate how big the time stop zone is. As a matter of fact, these zones of stopped time are cylinders extending all the way up into the sky. (50 exp)
- From above, he can see strange bronze spheres rolling around in the city. They can even roll through the time-stop fields, so he rejoins Nix and they both go to try to talk to them. (50 exp)
- They find one rolling along, try to stop it, and are surprised to see it unfolding into a little robot person. It sings at them, not with words but with pure notes. (50 exp)
- Communication goes poorly, and more of the spheres start rolling in and unfolding to investigate. One even unfolds further and starts singing in a deeper voice. Together, they sound like a choir. (50 exp)
- Weapons unfold from their arms, and the two bug out. Nix goes BIG and helps POWERLAD wrestle the robot's arms and legs back into a sphere shape, then POWERLAD flies them away! The robots left behind sing their consternation. (50 exp)
- They land north of the city and start prodding away at the thing. POWERLAD wants to see how it works and pops off a panel. Inside it just looks like it's full of a sourceless warm light but is otherwise hollow. The light slowly gutters out as the sphere-bot dies. (50 exp)
- Behind, a contingent of spheres are floating out of the city towards them! They run, dragging the sphere behind on a rope, until the other spheres stop chasing and turn back. (50 exp)
- Moving on, they reach the small town of Cound. It's notably full of very fat people who glare at these strange newcomers. The inn, the Broken Chair, has seen better days. (50 exp)
- Marcus the innkeeper is so fat that he's basically stuck behind the bar. He says he's hungry, so they toss him a ration and his mouth opens and opens and ooopens down his body revealing a huge huge throat bigger than he is. It's full of food. (50 exp)
- Fat tears roll down his chubby face as he begs them to kill the thing inside him, but at those words his body convulses in pain. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD's a hero, godsdamnit! And this sure looks like it's going to be some sort of fucked up dungeon. Weird how they keep ending up inside people's bodies though. (50 exp)
- Nix prepares a safety rope and throws the other end to Randy, who's apparently been here the whole time, before following POWERLAD in. (50 exp)
- They crawl into the innkeeper's throat and find it expands greatly. A creepy voice berates Marcus for letting people inside him. The floor is squishy and nasty due to all the part-digested part-rotten food that coats the ground in stinking heaps. (50 exp)
- The throat branches, clearly painfully by the way think blood keeps pouring from the open wounds. They pick the path that smells like vomit. (50 exp)
- There is a room that is a big gullet with countless uvula wobbling on the ceiling. The deep black pit of the gullet on the floor breathes foetid air rhythmically. Nix  throws a torch down and Marcus screams, but it just gets swallowed. (50 exp)
- The floor around the gullet is particularly slippery, so they head back and go a different way. They find a place where there is lots of burned food and the skin of the throat is blackened and burnt, quivering painfully and exuding pus around the cracked black flesh. Maybe a campfire was lit here? (50 exp)
- They continue on and find a place where there's a big gross white boil at the end of the tunnel. POWERLAD pokes it and it pops, spraying horrible white gunk everywhere. It's super fucking gross. (50 exp)
- Beneath it is a sort of gristly blistery zit-covered tube going down. They climb it by popping the big zits and using the remains as handholds. (50 exp)
- The room below has some sort of fat boil-covered fleshy pig mass in a shallow pit. A beak and a beady eye poke out from folds of flesh and say "oh you look delicious". (50 exp)
- POWERLAD shoots it with his crossbow, hitting it in a zit and spraying out a steaming spray of yellow pus that hisses where it hits the fleshy ground, boils pop up where it lands. (50 exp)
- The thing yells "Marcus! Swallow!" and the walls begin to close in! Luckily Nix is on hand to grow BIG and hold up the ceiling! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD summons the ghostly avatar of his lord and saviour NINHURSAG to chomp the flesh beast, but it doesn't believe in it because a dragon couldn't fit down here. (50 exp)
- Some gross fat mouth monster things choose this moment to belatedly run in to protect their grotesque master, but unfortunately for them THEY believe in the dragon's existence. Especially when it devours one before their fat-covered eyes. (50 exp)
- Unfortunately in their desperate fight back, one of them hits the imaginary dragon and the illusion pops like a soap bubble. Darn. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD recklessly lays into the main one, narrowly avoiding getting hit by explosions of pus as she smashes at zits. Marcus finishes swallowing, so Nix can finally fight too! She keeps the mouth monsters away from POWERLAD. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD avoids the screeching monster's bites and slides in with a Magic Missile Punch! All the zits pop at once and the whole thing deflates like a fatty balloon. (50 exp)
- A short emaciated purple-masked figure crawls gasping from the wreckage. It seems harmless for now, so POWERLAD helps Nix clean up the last of the mouth monsters. In the ensuing fray, POWERLAD hits 0HP and starts bleeding while Nix gets a faceful of pus from a dying mouth monster. (50 exp)
- One of them tries to savage POWERLAD while he's bleeding out on the floor, so POWERLAD goes for the zany Strange Waters Punch somehow pulling a struggling fish from its fleshy maw. It's super spicy! So spicy that POWERLAD gains fire breath! (50 exp)
- The fire breath barbeques the mouth monster who tried to kill POWERLAD, while Nix slices the last one in two. Nix's face bubbles up into zits where the pus hit her, covering her cheek, mouth and neck with painful too-full whiteheads. (50 exp)
- They question the purple-masked thing. It's from hell! It says it's a Demon of Gluttony that feeds on sin, and it's been farming this town for sustenance for quite some time. (50 exp)
- They leave Marcus who begins deflating almost immediately, spewing out gobs and gobbets of partially digested food all over his bar. It just keeps coming, and occasional treasures even spew forth from his maw. (50 exp)
- Marcus is left to it, and POWERLAD asks the demon what the sphere thing is. It's an angel, apparently! He's never seen one up close before, even a dead one. (50 exp)
- Threatened with death, the demon gabbles a lot of useful and definitely true information. (50 exp)
- He says Hell is anti-tentacle because Hell is inside the Earth and it'll be no good for anyone if the world cracks like an egg, especially since all their sinful human feedstock would all die too. (50 exp)
- He's not fond of Termaxians (very anti-demon) and dragon cultists (by definition pro-apocalypse), the demons are mining the rich magical azoth from Dwimmermount, and demons survive by harvesting Sin. (50 exp)
- The Flame Dragon, wherever it is now, was trapped in Hell for a long time but it escaped once the tentacles started rising. The demons don't want the tentacles to just be frozen though, since the beams go all the way down through Earth and into Hell. (50 exp)
- He'd like to be left alone in this town to keep farming Gluttony and making everyone really fat if that's alright with you. This is not alright with POWERLAD, who smashes his head in with a hammer. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD stays at the inn to recover while Nix runs exercise classes for the unappreciative fatties, and of course the disgusting contents of Marcus' rancid belly are searched through to find the treasures he vomited up. Hurrah! (50 exp)
- With all pretty much ok in Cound, POWERLAD and Nix turn their attentions north to Dwimmermount... and maybe a belated Christmas Special?? (50 exp)
Total: 2400 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Heresy bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus (50 exp)
- Vore bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
Total: 700 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Caller (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty - 500 exp ea.)
- Diseased bonus (Nix - 100 exp)
- Near Death Experience bonus (POWERLAD - 100 exp)
Active Businesses:
- Bone Alone. Wild. 302sp. (Zena's Stake: 201sp, Carrie's Stake: 101sp)
- Honey Healing. Safe. 2034sp. (Nix's Stake: 1696sp. Bertha's Stake: 338sp)

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None!

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 7 Barbarian: 73915 (Level up at 128000)
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2 (-10% exp)
--- Randy, Level 2 Hench-Dwarf: 2947 (Level up at 4400)*DING!* +1d10 HP! +backstory!
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 64710 (Level up at 72000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
Absent or Retired:
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 4 Elf (Alpdrucke): 21213 (Level up at 24000)
--- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2
- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 16050 (Level up at 24000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! Max Rats: 25! +improved saves! +backstory!
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19872 (Level up at 36000)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

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