Tuesday, 6 November 2018

Session 203 - Eat Sleep Rave Repeat

OUT IN TIME! That was a close one! If you see any errors, let me know and I'll change it in the blog version.

Long story short - the world's fucked and there's nobody left but the Dead... but at least everyone leveled up and gave Galaxy and Zena the send-off they deserved!
Plus, it sounds like Ninhursag's willing to try the plan to save the world!

On with the show - Session 203 - Eat Sleep Rave Repeat

Campaign Date:
Tuesday, 24 May, 1601
Moon Phase: First Quarter
Zenith: The Allfather
Zodiac: Taurus

New Backstory:
- RJ never bothered to attend the dragonboat races, preferring to stay inside in the shade with his POWERLAD manga. (+1 Wisdom)

Treasure and Equipment:
Total: 0 exp

Enemies Defeated:
- Several floating tentacle creatures (200 exp)
Total: 200 exp

- Travelled around 40 miles (140 exp)
- 1 random encounter (50 exp)
Total: 190 exp

--- Funeral prep
- It’s time for everyone’s favourite time - admin adventures! (50 exp)
- We open on the day of the funeral. Galaxy Johnson, reborn, will attend the funeral of his former mortal shell Daniel “Coalminer Dan” Johnson and his alien entity’s former shell Zena. Shit’s crazy. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD plans to mobilise the entirety of his dragon priest fortune to send them off in style! (50 exp)
- The funeral is immense! Everyone contributes to this last wild end of the world wake. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson, revealed to be the mysterious author behind the POWERLAD romance novels, attends a series of book signings for his collected works. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD erects an enormous statue and also attends the book signings. They are about him, after all! (50 exp)
- Dumbledorris gets strippers and teaches them to twerk tastefully at the funeral. Extremely tasteful I think you’ll agree. (50 exp)
- Flaming Fury has the entirety of the town’s walls painted with murals telling the story of Galaxy Johnson’s life (50 exp)
- Synthia starts a fast food chain called Galaxy Burger! What’s in the burger now that meat is extremely scarce? It’s a trade secret. (50 exp)
- Styx has been busy. Using Stones’ dragon-priest underlings, he’s created a massive semi-sealed dome with entrances grown over with filtration plants that will draw the toxins from the air. (50 exp)

(Unfortunate antisemitic implications courtesy of Charles)

--- The Sun Burial
- The funeral is… unorthodox. The dome is packed out, everyone’s been told to expect a massive party after this. Plus the filter-plants worked a treat, it’s the first time many have breathed clean air in weeks! (50 exp)
- Coalminer Dan’s remains and Zena’s ashes are rolled up into an expensive tapestry. Those who knew them say a few words, including a fairly heartfelt speech from Galaxy Johnson himself. He had a complicated relationship with the man whose body he snatched. (50 exp)
- At noon, Styx clicks his fingers and there is a cry of awe as the top of the dome lifts away! The goblins powering the anti-mass glyphs stay out of the way to complete the illusion of godly might. Styx’s legend grows! (50 exp)

- It’s time for the main event - the final send-off. A goblin draws a sigil upon the tapestry and powers it, then POWERLAD lofts the whole thing above his head and spiral-uppercuts it into the sky! (50 exp)
- With practically zero mass due to rune fuckery, the tapestry flies directly upwards into the sky! If it’s quick, perhaps it’ll even reach the sun before the world explodes.

--- Let’s get this party started!
- With the funeral over, it’s time for the biggest wake the city has ever seen. As far as we know, these are some of the last people alive on the planet. Time to let loose! (50 exp)

- Styx had planned to get Andromeda out of the way by taking her to a bar… but Dumbledorris and Flaming Fury take that job. Styx watches them walk off with concern. (50 exp)
- Dumbledorris, as a living drug lab, gets her fucked up on Wave. Andromeda is suddenly extremely focused on every little detail around her. She’s fucked! (50 exp)
- With Andromeda in the k-hole, Dumbledorris and Flaming Fury take her to a seedy but surprisingly modern club! Andromeda zones out on the dance floor.
- Flaming Fury makes sure to pay for a massive bar tab and get far more than a hundred people drunk, unlocking her new Lorebond! She can now down a bottle of booze to enter a drunken rage! (50 exp)
- Dumbledorris triggers her stolen witch powers to make the dancers cast random spells - sowing chaos and killing an innocent Necromancer sitting at a table. (50 exp)
- Synthia is here too, and there is shock and revulsion as the two Inheritors fall into a puddle of flesh-bits and fight over the Necromancer powers. (50 exp)
- While they struggle, two rival puddles of meat, something miraculous occurs. A horrible flesh-baby is born from their union! They name it Moopy the Gloopy. (50 exp)

- Blood Honey Healing 4 U’s drug delivery company does a roaring trade in various narcotics. It’s the end of the world baby! (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson grabs ladies off the dance floor with his shadow-tendrils, it’s very impressive! (50 exp)
- Glycon, the Elf, uses her spooky Elf powers to fuck with people who are already high. (50 exp)
- They party into the night, drunk and high and absolutely hemorrhaging cash. What a night! (50 exp)
--- Dragon speech
- The next day, Suzie says “Screw the admin!” and starts exhorting the other players to get stuff done. Enough of this partying! (50 exp)
- Options are considered and it’s decided that heading back to the moving city Battlefortress Fate sounds like a good option. Sir Robyn’s still there after all, and apparently they know someone high-up in the city? (50 exp)
- Before they head off, a bunch of the party go off to praise Ninhursag. POWERLAD tries to get Andromeda installed as the replacement High Priestess of the dragon cult… but she’s not devoted enough yet. (50 exp)

- With POWERLAD and Stones working together, they manage to draw an inkling of the dragon’s long slow attention. They tell it their plan - to give it the omnipoison and have it tunnel through to the centre of the Earth to deliver it into the heart of the tentacle. (50 exp)

- In its own strange way, it replies. It considers the plan, and how it will have to grasp the omnipoison in its mouth, and how the tentacles are rotting from the inside so the destruction of a huge tentacle would give it a direct route to the core, and how it will take less than a season for the dragon to reach full power and pull itself from the earth. (50 exp)
--- Following Fate
- Satisfied, the party heads to the Gubers and out of the town. Synthia rides alongside on her warhorse. Bertha is coming this time, she’s not going to make the same mistakes again, so she flies with POWERLAD! (50 exp)
- In the Gubers below, Synthia and Dumbledorris dote on their odd new child. Andromeda looks at POWERLAD and Bertha swooping overhead wistfully, and RJ tries to comfort her with erotic fanfics before she shoos him away. (50 exp)
- On the way they hover past many abandoned towns. There’s truly nothing left alive this side of the river. A lone grasshopper gets fed to the baby Moopy, Dumbledorris sees a shattered hand mirror and decides to take it. (50 exp)
- The quiet is ominous, broken by distant booms. On the horizon, coming into view, is a scene of titanic struggle. The Prime Tentacle is under attack from the Apocalypse Dragon Ereshkigal. The shining bronze city of Battlefortress Fate supporting the Dragon by blasting powerful stasis beams at its foe. (50 exp)
- As they watch, a god-beam blast from Fate forces the tentacle to tear itself into two strands. One of them wraps around Ereshkigal twists, slamming the massive dragon to the ground. The earth shakes beneath the Guber, good thing they hover! (50 exp)

--- The Dead Spire
- The Gubers slow as the road goes through the walled town of Necropolis, once called Drist. The gates are ajar, the Duvan’Ku banners on the walls tattered. Chains hang from the walls, no ghouls leashed to them. (50 exp)

- Styx takes the lead, nosing his Guber through the gate and into the town proper. For a town of Necromancers in the middle of the lands of the Dead… it’s also ominously empty. (50 exp)
- They drive slowly through the town, speaking in hushed voices about how the world is way more fucked than they imagined. In time, the road leads to a square in the centre of town. (50 exp)
- Rising from the square is a spire of black glass like melted wax. Under the glassy surface, silently screaming spirits wail and shimmer. (50 exp)
- There is a noise from the yawning entrance to the spire, and a man in a black robe with a peaked hood emerges. Next to him, a man crawls across the floor then slumps to the ground dead. (50 exp)

- The Necromancer says his name is Gregorix. RJ strikes up conversation but at the sound of his voice states that he will only speak to Necromancers and only if they don’t sound like that. (50 exp)
- The party asks whether Corpulus Thrall is still around, he used to own this town and killed an acquaintance one time. At that, Gregorix cringes as the dead man on the ground burbles a “let me up, Gregorix!” (50 exp)
- Horrifyingly, the dead man on the ground is in fact a gloopy sack of skin. The skin of a grotesquely fat man, no bones or muscle, crawls over Gregorix and drapes his skin-body over his. Gregorix looks extremely uncomfortable as he quickly draws his robes closed to avoid skin contact. (50 exp)

- He doesn’t recognise POWERLAD, but does remember eating a girl’s arm that one time. “Oh I see, you knew her! Well you’ll be happy to know she’s part of me now” he says, indicating one of his arms which ends in a different skin-coloured hand. (50 exp)
- They chat for a while, Corpulus bubbling grotesquely with every word. It seems that the forces of Duvan’Ku have won, Cardinal Scream and the Rebel Dead have been defeated at the Barrowmaze, and it is merely a matter of time before Cyrus the vampire lord obtains the Ossuary of All Bones which will allow him to command all Dead across Loegria. (50 exp)
- It sounds like a big deal, but maybe later. There is a weak attempt to save Gregorix from his terrible fate, but given Corpulus’ track record of devouring people’s skin it’s decided to keep this relationship cordial for now. (50 exp)
- As a parting gift, Corpulus Thrall is given an “artificial skeleton” made of rock in a vaguely humanoid form. Gregorix mouths “thank you”. (50 exp)
- The party get back in the Gubers and head off again, leaving the western gates and zipping across the ravaged countryside towards Fate. (50 exp)
--- The Dead march past
- As the convoy reaches a bridge over a small river, they see undead outriders with huge scythes galloping past on the other bank. (50 exp)
- There’s some talk of crossing the bridge to see what it’s all about, but the riders are followed by a force of the Dead which seems like too much bother to deal with. (50 exp)
- Since the Dead can’t cross running water everyone feels safe to watch them go by… until someone notices that the bridge is covered in a thick layer of dirt. “Probably grave dirt to let them cross”, says Styx knowledgably. (50 exp)
- Nevertheless, the Guber convoy is ignored. After some time has passed and the groaning and clanking of the Dead has faded, they hover across the bridge towards distant Fate. (50 exp)
--- Bad Tentacles
- Some miles later, passing by more empty and abandoned villages, the walled town of Salisburgh comes into view on the horizon. Clanking above it is the mobile brass city of Battlefortress Fate. (50 exp)
- The terrain here is overgrown, much of it dead. Ahead, drifting serenely near the road, a floating man-sized strip of tentacle-matter seems to scent with it’s tip and begin drifting in the direction of the Guber convoy. (50 exp)

- From the scrubby trees, more of them emerge! Drifting tentacles trailing across the ground. Their tentacle-flesh is crawling with white grubs. Some of them still wear scraps of grey robes. (50 exp)

- They make an ominous howling. The earth churns behind. RJ leaps from his Guber, katana in hand, screaming, “Tentacles are the natural enemy of the weaboo!” (50 exp)
- He misses, swinging wildly, and the things drift closer to him, tentacle-arms wobbling and writhing. (50 exp)
- Synthia charges in with her warhorse to clear a path! Several tentacles are battered aside and slap to the ground, scattering them! They begin to float back up, barely fazed. (50 exp)
- Antez the Necromancer and Galaxy Johnson let loose with crossbows, Glycon lays in with her whip, but the creatures stay up. They’re strong! (50 exp)

- POWERLAD flaps his mighty wings and blasts himself into the sky! Bertha holds on for dear life! At the apex he surges with electricity and plummets like a falcon towards the ground! (50 exp)
- BOOM! He hits the ground with incredible force! Thunder booms from the detonation, and many of the tentacle monsters are destroyed in the blast! (50 exp)

- Flaming Fury lays into one with her axe, and an internal flesh-sac launches forth from the cut in a spray of white grubs! It latches onto her and she staggers backwards in revulsion! (50 exp)
- It’s getting late and this battle’s getting worse and worse. The ground churns to mud beneath people’s feet, and the rot grubs seeping from the tentacles leap for fresh flesh! (50 exp)
- It’s not looking good. With increasing desperation the party makes a hard tactical retreat. Gubers pile into the fray, the fighters are pulled onto the cars and put into hard reverse, leaving the tentacles flailing behind! (50 exp)
- With new tentacle threats ahead and devastation all around, we’ll have to see how they fare next session! (50 exp)
Total: 3350 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Better Part of Valour bonus (50 exp)
- Coitus boners (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Freudian bonus (50 exp)
- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)
- Holy bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Long Deliberation bonus (50 exp)
- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Politico bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Soap Opera bonus (50 exp)
- SpoOoOoky bonus (50 exp)
- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1100 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Carter / Styx - 100 exp ea)
- Caller (Kitty / POWERLAD)- 100 exp)
- Mapper (Carter / Styx - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Flaming Fury - 100 exp)
- Guard (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / RJ  - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Carter, Charles, Ollie - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Carter, Charles - 100 exp)
- Attacco d’Arte bonus (Charles, Ollie - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Ollie*3 - 100 exp ea.)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Charles, Ollie, Kitty - 500 exp)
Funeral Costs A total of 123028 silver was spent on the biggest party Moondin has ever seen: - 45300sp from Galaxy Johnson (45300 exp) - 18000sp from Dumbledorris (18000 exp) - 5000sp from POWERLAD (5000 exp) - 4000sp from Andromeda (4000 exp) - 16582sp from Flaming Fury (16582 exp) - 14235sp from Robyn Jr (14235 exp) - 19911sp split between Styx and his followers (variable exp)

Active Businesses:
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1020sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey Healing 4 U (Co-dependent businesses)
--- Honey Healing. Safe. 1095sp. (Bertha)
--- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 10515sp. (Sir Robyn)


Death Toll and Injuries:

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / High Priest POWERLAD!, Level 8 Muscle Wizard: 145521 (Level up at 288000)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 lvl 1 spell/day! +1 lvl 4 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 10 (-50% exp)
--- Andromeda, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 20298 (Level up at 36000)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 lvl 1 spell/day! +1 lvl 3 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
---- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 6 (-25% exp) 
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 6 Reincarnated Shadow-Elf: 49455 (Level up at 96000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 lvl 1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 lvl 2 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!  
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 lvl 2 spell/day! +free spell! +saves improve! +backstory! 
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 lvl 1 spell/day! +1 lvl 3 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!  
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 lvl 3 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
- Ollie / Flaming Fury, Level 6 Dwarf: 48119 (Level up at 70400)
*DING!* +1d10 HP! +lorebond! +backstory!
-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 4 (-20% exp)
---Synthia, Level 5 Inheritor: 24881 (Level up at 36000)
---- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 3 (-15% exp)
- Suzie / Dumbledorris2, Level 6 Inheritor: 37405 (Level up at 72000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +saves improve! +meat points +mutation capacity! +backstory!

- Timothy / RJ, Level 6 Spider Fighter: 32638 (Level up at 64000)*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble! +backstory!
- Jevgeni / Antez, Level 2 Necromancer: 3148 (Level up at 4500)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 lvl 1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
- Grecia / Glycon, Level 2 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 3148 (Level up at 6000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 lvl 1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!

Exp Totals 2 - Styx and the Twelve Apostles:
- Carter / Styx, Level 7 Goblin: 78814 (Level up at 128000)
--- Break, Robo-Armoured Goblin Buddy
--- 5 more Goblin Buddies
--- Ilda, Level 4 Fighter: 8139 (Level up at 16000)
--- Lady Goth, Level 4 Necromancer: 9068 (Level up at 18000)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 lvl 2 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
--- Brindlefaust, Level 2 Specialist: 1568 (Level up at 3000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 skill points! +backstory!
--- Heriod, Level 3 Elf (Hauntling Glister): 6068 (Level up at 12000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 lvl 1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 lvl 2 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
--- Blitzer, Level 2 Specialist: 1568 (Level up at 3000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 skill points! +backstory!
--- Zam, Level 2 Fighter: 2068 (Level up at 4000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble! +backstory!

Absent or Retired:
- George / Snels, Level 1 Fighter: 1775 (Level up at 2000) 
- Tim D / Mortlocke, Level 1 Necromancer: 2043 (Level up at 2250)
- James / Ratimir, Level 6 Ratman: 33991 (Level up at 48000)   
- Henry / Witchfinder-Sergeant, Level 5 Cleric (Unorthodox): 14963 (Level up at 28000)
--- Erstwhile, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3105 (Level up at 4500)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 6 Termaxian Cleric: 52811 (Level up at 56000)
--- 4 Henchmen Undeserving of Names, Level 0 Bootlickers  
- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 6 Magic-User: 60599 (Level up at 72000)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

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