Sunday, 16 October 2016

Session 109 - Boozes and Cruises

Delicious admin! Buying things! Fresh air! Sailing! Carousing!
And finally having a fucking bath. Yea boy.

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Art Attack from Tom in absentia! The child king and his vampire court against the second evil sun.

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Charles sends this lovely image of everyone finally getting clean!

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Charles also sends in a pictorial representation of Zan's belief system.

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And Ollie presents a FULL COLOUR image of Lulu's wedding plans. It's a sad Barbarian wedding that doesn't involve at least ONE decapitation!

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Finally, Lulu's hen party itinerary courtesy of Ratman. For posterity.

Session 109 - Boozes and Cruises

Campaign Date:
Saturday, 9 March, 1550
Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Zodiac: Aquarius

Enemies Defeated:
- 14 shoddy dwarfs, fled after several were killed (70 exp)
- Escaped the Deadship (500 exp)
Total: 570 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- None! But plenty spent!
Total: 0 exp

- Travelled 120 miles (400 exp)
- 3 random encounters (150 exp)
Total: 550 exp
New Backstory:- It is revealed that Stabbington's been harbouring a secret crush on Lulu for some time now. Tragically she is, of course, betrothed. (If Lulu would be damaged, Stabbington can jump in the way and take twice the damage instead).
- Lulu was tricked by her jealous twin sister into coming into the forest to see a rare arctic crocodile. She was shoved into a hole where she survived on bear meat after a bear fell into the hole with her. Her father found her three days later, admonished her for falling for such an obvious deception, and threw her back in! (If you fall, you can make a Climb check to grab onto the edge or convenient handhold part way down instead)
- Gorund's crops failed and he was starving to death. Luckily a leper holding a chunk of bread was passing by and his arm fell off! Gorund snatched it and gobbled it down. (Heal the maximum 6 HP when eating to heal)

New Fortunes:Gorund - "You will be separated from a companion, and be reuinted by a malfunctioning device".
Zan - "The size of your nose will be discussed".
Rat LeBlanc - "A plague will slay 10 000 bards and none will weep".
Lulu - "A spider will speak to you after tasting marmalade".
Sophia - "A woman will be cruel to you three times, and kind once"
Stabbington - "Drowning elves will beg you for mercy"
- The party, stinking and dirty and pale, reach the nearby town of Little Reaching. (50 exp)
- They repair gear and shop for a few travel necessities like a horse and cart and robes to disguise Rat LeBlanc and Guido (50 exp)
- The fortune teller in town is visited, and she gives out some fortunes ooOOooOooOoo. Lulu's is told for free for she is friend of gypsies. (50 exp)
- The party head out along the mountain roads. After half a day's travel, they see some mishapen dwarfs pouring blood on a statue a short way up the slope! (50 exp)
- The dwarfs see the party and seem to melt among the rocks, slingstones fly at the party! (50 exp)
- Guido sees one, marches up and slays it! Gorund sneaks up the slope and runs into one of them! Lulu kisses Stabbington ("Kiss me you mad fool!") then magic-ropes the statue down the slope and off the cliffside! A slingstone manages to knock Jumurak off the cliff and onto a ledge 20' down! (50 exp)
- The little dwarf dudes see their friend die and their morale breaks! Gorund questions the one he's tussling with before it flees, Ratman's rats nipping at his heels. (50 exp)
- The group continue to Gush and grab Lulu's boat. To the north, above the mountains, they see a baleful black orb rising against a blood red sky like a second sinister sun. Or they should have but I forgot to mention until later. (50 exp)
- The longship is loaded up with alcohol for the BOOZE CRUISE to Fortress City Fate! Hurrah! (50 exp)
- Booze cruise begins! The Deeprush is huge, more like a thin sea than an actual river, and choked with mudbanks and small islands. (50 exp)
- A scuppered merchant vessel is seen beached on a mudbank. The drunken party jeer at it, then see everyone on deck is dead, then jeer some more and keep sailing. (50 exp)
- Later in the day, BONG! BONG! BONG! Massive bell on a ridiculously ornate temple ship rings out across the water! It sails alongside the party's longboat. (50 exp)
- Rat LeBlanc is drunk and a horrible hated ratman. He keeps swinging his pestilent pus-covered rat penis in time with the bell. When a Loegrian Cleric in huge ornate armour comes out to investigate, he promises to show them his "holey place". (50 exp)
- Cleric mad. Cleric real mad. But he's mollified when the party throws the ratman overboard. Zan steps up and makes peace while lying his arse off. (50 exp)
- Some things are discovered. Since the party's been underground, the black sun has risen in the north and the Fated King has declared that the Nine Gods are false and begun attempts to turn the Loegrian church far more Denialist. People suspect he's been mind controlled during talks with the Vampire King. (50 exp)
- The temple ship departs. That evening as the longship approaches Fate a ghostly mist descends! Through it, sailing against the wind, an empty ship! (50 exp)
- Guido who has been placed on the front of the ship as a figurehead starts freaking out and saying IT'S CREWED BY GHOOOOSTS! (50 exp)
- Lulu is at the helm, turns hard to starboard to take the ship out of the way behind a large muddy island. Clips the bank and plows through. Phew! (50 exp)
- But no! The ghost ship plows right through the island! Scrubby trees fall over! Sophia breathes in some Last Breath, attempts to subjugate the ship! (50 exp)
- It is too big, but at least it's slowed. Lulu begins dumping flamethrower fuel behind the ship. Zan casts Heroism on Sophia so her Subjugate is more powerful... but it fails. (50 exp)
- Lulu lights the fuel, wreathing the ghost ship in smoke and flame, while Zan hits it with a Dispel Magic. Slowed if not stopped, the party speed off as fast as possible! (50 exp)
- Soon, as sun sets, they reach Fate. Parking up at some dodgy docks, they leave Guido and the amoebae behind and head in at dawn. (50 exp)
- Fortress-City Fate! Seat of power in Loegria! Home of the Fated King! ... Time to get fucked up. (50 exp)
- First things first - a wash. The party visit the public baths, and are ushered by disgusted attendants into a side room. They are hosed down with rosewater and their literally shitty clothes are separately laundered. (50 exp)
- Now clean for the first time in months, it's time to party! Lulu rolls the d30 for carousing - it's a 15 day bender! (50 exp)
- Zan gets caught up in a group of passing Termaxian ravers and goes off with them instead. The party splits but the party don't stop! (50 exp)
- Rat LeBlanc awakens in a gutter. Next to him is a remarkably unattractive woman who, nevertheless, reels back in horror and vomits when she sees she slept with a huge rat! She flees! (50 exp)
- Gorund gets lost, ends up punching a busker and getting his lute "enchanted" by a local shopkeeper with what the party assume is oregano. (50 exp)
- Various shops are found and items perused, much of which is unique to this city, and Rat LeBlanc decides to head off to pursue his acting career. (50 exp)
Total: 1450 exp

- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomacy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Chase bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)
- Next to Godliness bonus (50 exp)
- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)- Shopping Spree bonus (50 exp)
- Split the (Hen) Party bonus (50 exp)
- This! Is! Sparta! bonus (50 exp)
- Twelve Year Old on XBox Live bonus (50 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Seraph, Zan, Lulu - 100 exp ea.)
- Badass Backstory bonus (Backstory - 100 exp ea.)
- Snackbringer bonus (Gorund, Rat LeBlanc, Zan, Jumurak - 100 exp ea.)
- Lulu caroused! (Lulu - 26400 exp)
- Rat LeBlanc caroused! (Rat LeBlanc - 1760 exp)
- Gorund caroused! (Gorund - 1760 exp)
- Sophia caroused! (Sophia - 11550 exp)
- POWERMAN caroused! (POWERMAN - 11550 exp)
- Zan caroused! Twice! (Zan - 11440 exp)
- Jumurak caroused! (Jumurak - 3520 exp)
Total: 600 exp + bonuses
- "Honest Bill's fallen on hard times of late, the King's messengers will only buy good, fast horses from the Whip and Bridle."
- "Gunman and Son have been turning a tidy profit with their breech-loading gun design, who knew firearms would be so effective against the Dead?"
- "Did you hear about the Raise gems they're bringing in from Moondin? They're as good as the real thing, and they're running out!"
- "More and more people have been going Underground lately. If you've got to leave there's barely nowhere else to go!"
- "Atrox Morbus might be scary and expensive, but the leech there is an expert on every disease and malady the world has ever seen!"

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None! Unless you count drunken injuries of which there are sure to be several.


Exp Totals:
Ollie / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 7 Barbarian: 73553 (Level up at 128000)
Dominic / Sir Stabbington Shanks, Level 7 Fighter: 66592 (Level up at 128000)

Fraser / Jumarak, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 51776 (Level up at 72000)

Charles / Zan, Spermling of Zea, Level 6 Cleric (Termaxian): 47752 (Level up at 56000)
Kitty / Sophia, Level 5 Necromancer: 35633 (Level up at 36000)
-- POWERMAN!, Level 4 POWERFIGHTER: 11762 (Level up at 16000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit!*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit!*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +Saves!
-- Guido, Level 1 Possessed Skull on giant skeleton
James / Rat LeBlanc, Level 5 Ratman: 23851 (Level up at 24000)(James' Next Character) / Dr. Grijze van Held, Level 1 Specialist (Doctor): 0 (Level up at 1500)
Henry / Gorund, Level 3 Specialist: 4633 (Level up at 6000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 to skills!
Absent or Retired:
Tom / Seraph Dawnstride, Level 2 Cleric (Nonanist): 2625 (Level up at 3500)
Andy / Cranky Jim, Level 5 Dwarf: 24409 (Level up at 35200)

Kyle / Jain Doe, Level 6 Dwarf: 40141 (Level up at 70400)

Tom / Eleyn, 5HD genitalia demon with mind of an insane mutant gypsy

Anthony / Grunt, Level 3 Barbarian: 5298 (Level up at 8000)

Charlie / Una, Level 2 Specialist (Rogue): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Tomas / Shiz Nittlebam, Level 2 Magic User: 3877 (Level up at 4500)
Richard / Stonecold, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 2264 (Level up at 4500)

Owen / Guyphy, Level 1 Elf (Scalbert Gumph): 1245 (Level up at 3000)
Clo / Bamuk, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3869 (Level up at 4500)
Will / Walkul the Rogue, Level 1 Specialist: 1301 (Level up at 1500)

Dominic's (?) Retainer
-- Dr Charmington, Level 3 Specialist (Quack): 4821 (Level up at 6000)
Joe / Joe's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 321 (Level up at 2250)
Steve / Brand Earthhammer, Level 1 Fighter: 395 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver R / Reynard, Level 3 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 4077 (Level up at 6000)
Matteo / Lucifer, Level 1 Necromancer: 933 (Level up at 2250)

Ellie / Ellie's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 744 (Level up at 2250)
Jerry / Jerry's Next Character, Level 1 ???: 200 (Level up at ???)
Daniel / Nash, Level 1 Fighter: 455 (Level up at 2000)
Sarah / Mana, Level 4 Specialist (Thief): 13447 (Level up at 24000)
Jim / Jim's Fighter, Level 1 Fighter: 241 (Level up at 2000)
Louis / Louis' Next Character, Level 1 ???: 2062 (Level up at ???)
Oliver R / Osar, Level 2 Specialist (Dabbler): 661 (Level up at 3000)
Charlie / Le Chaz III, Level 1 Cleric: 670 (Level up at 1750)
David / Theras, Level 5 Specialist (Assassin): 13422 (Level up at 24000)
Mariana / Joe Joe, Level 5 Halfling: 28949 (Level up at 32000)
Dana / Bingo Augustus, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19863 (Level up at 36000)
James / Quarion, Level 3 Elf (Gremling): 7947 (Level up at 12000)
Gary / Skirr Abderian, Level 1 Specialist (Thief): 416 (Level up at 1500)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 4018 (Level up at 7000)
Wai / Mogwi Stitch-Up, Level 2 Specialist: 2715 (Level up at 3000)
Sam / Lucados Orbrus, Level 2 Fighter: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Clay / Carthas, Level 1 Fighter: 371 (Level up at 2000)
John / West, Level 1 Cleric: 521 (Level up at 1750)
Hayley / Bob, Level 2 Dwarf: 2999 (Level up at 4400)
Niall / Roht, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 722 (Level up at 2250)
??? / Unnamed Cleric of the Garden God, Level 1 Cleric: 0 (Level up at 1750)
Florent / Sir Arthur, Level 1 Fighter: 186 (Level up at 2000)
Jamie / Alden, Level 1 Magic-User: 186 (Level up at 2250)
Ben / Thant, Level 1 Cleric: 186 (Level up at 1750)
Mike / Arran Folynn, Level 1 Specialist (Rogue): 186 (Level up at 1500)
Alex / Arhnin, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1518 (Level up at 3000)
Daniel / Davrak, Level 1 Magic User: 976 (Level up at 2250)
Nuno / Temperion, Level 1 Magic User: 742 (Level up at 2250)
Leo / Leo, Level 4 Cleric: 11102 (Level up at 14000)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 5 Dwarf: 19420 (Level up at 35200)
-- Mr Pig, Level 1 Porcine.
Aron / Alphonse the Gentleman Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1184 (Level up at 2000)
Nimrod / U, Level 2 Specialist (Monk): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)
Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)
-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar
Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)
Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

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