Monday 21 November 2016

Session 114 - Chair Today, Gone Tomorrow

The art attack arms race CONTINUES this week, as always.
We need to put these in a collection or something!

Ghosts and goblins, mid-mansion makeout missions, and furniture with a taste for BLOOD! This is going super well.

A note:
The next three weeks are going to, once again, take place at ANDY's place. Email if you need the address and all that.

Another note:
The next two weeks (22nd and 29th Nov) will be the LAST D&Ds OF THE YEAR! Unless we find another venue, of course.
Basically I'm going to a gig on 6th December so someone else is going to run something. Huzzah!

See you tomorrow!

Inline images 1
- Tom

Inline images 2
Tom


Inline images 4
- Charles

Inline images 3
- Charles

"Oi diary, 
Nicked this off a dead git in a big 'ouse. 'Is 'ead woz propa smashed. Turnz out it was the chairz wot did it. 
I might just be a sneaky little gobbo but I'm gonna record me thougtz anyway coz I'm a thinky little gobbo too. 
Scheemin' of the day: bake yerself inta a big pie and jump out and stab a vampire git / French geeza."
Excerpt from Rollo's diary


Session 114 - Chair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Campaign Date:
Saturday, 22 March, 1550
Moon Phase: First Quarter
Zodiac: Pisces

New Characters:- Rollo, a Goblin shingler, and one of Jumurak's old gang - the Men of the Rooves
- Gehn, a Specialist in First Aid and Tinkering

Enemies Defeated:
- A chef ghost, subjugated (25 exp)
- A maid ghost, subjugated (25 exp)
- Five extraordinarily deadly items of furniture (250 exp)
Total: 300 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Carved wooden hanging screens, stacked near the front door (1000 exp)
- Golden skeleton figurine (4000 exp)
- A couple of jars of marmalade
Total: 5000 exp

Exploration:
- Explored 5 chateau areas (100 exp)
- 3 random encounters (150 exp)
- 1 allegedly secret door found (50 exp)
Total: 300 exp
Events:
- Having retreated back to the forge building at the end of the last session, the party decide to enter the chateau once more. (50 exp)
- Entering through the front door, the door SLAMS closed behind them! Oh no! (50 exp)
- Inspecting the hanging screens covering part of the corridor, Ludovico decides to start taking them down and stacking them near the door, then go and do the same with the furniture (50 exp)
- The others continue through the door behind the sliding screens, finding themselves in a pantry. A laughing, ghostly boy runs through the room. (50 exp)
- Looking around, the pantry's mostly empty. Some mystery meat has dried onto some pans though. (50 exp)
- They continue, entering a rather nice ground floor bedroom. A man looks up from his writing desk, inquiring as to why the party is invading his privacy. (50 exp)
- A wilhelm scream is heard! The party run out to the main room, where they see Ludovico surrounded by furniture! It's eating him! (50 exp)
- Before they can do anything to help, Ludovico's head is smashed to fucking pieces. His ghost briefly wavers before disappearing. (50 exp)
- Figuring there's nothing more they can do, the party head back the way they went before. The guy at the desk is once more slightly perturbed, but does point them in the direction of the kitchen. (50 exp)
- Rollo the Goblin shows up, presumably following Jumurak's trail since they were both shinglers. (50 exp)
- The party enter the kitchen! There is a ghostly chef there, the same guy who nearly murdered the late Ludovico last session, and a maid nagging him from a chair near the window. (50 exp)
- Gastron is stoked because he's found the marmalade, but he also tries to help out the chef and pisses him off mightily. (50 exp)
- He attacks! And thus begins one of the most ridiculous fight scenes this game has ever seen (50 exp)
- Gastron continuously disarms the ghostly chef until Cranky Jiim uses his Fancy Beard to seduce him. They kiss. (50 exp)
- Gastron, now freed up, goes over to the ghost girl and they start making out too while Rollo the Goblin gets in on the action by humping people's legs. (50 exp)
- Sophia knocks back a Last Breath and immediately subjugates both of the ghosts while they're distracted. Friends now! (50 exp)
- With the whole kitchen at their disposal, a plan is concocted to face the vampire lord who totally runs this place and hopefully infect someone with vampirism. (50 exp)
- The plan involves an enormous pie that Rollo the Goblin can hide in along with a human meat fondue. (50 exp)
- While the cooking's going on, Gastron decides to look around in that ghost guy's room. Golden skeleton statue! Hurrah! (50 exp)
- There's also a big accounting ledger, so he scribbles "this mansion belongs to Gastron Bistro" into it in the hopes that graffiti is sufficient grounds for a transfer of ownership (50 exp)
- The cooking is finished! Rollo is encased in fresh shortcrust (with legs sticking out for locomotion, narturally) and the group follow their new friend the maid towards the master of the mansion's bedroom where he presumably resides. (50 exp)
- It's through the armory hall where the monster chairs and armoires killed Ludovico... of course. (50 exp)
- All seems well until the FURNITURE INEVITABLY ATTACKS! The ghosts don't seem to notice and just keep walking... (50 exp)
- Chairs and armoires jump to life, gnashing teeth between cushion and frame and armoire linings that look like human insides! (50 exp)
- The fighting is fierce, notable is Rollo's finger getting bitten off in his (successful!) attempts to save the all-important pie crust. (50 exp)
- Cranky Jim is a very effective chair fighter, killing one by sitting on it then chucking it at another chair. (50 exp)
- Gastron gets the best quip of the night when he throws a chair into the ceiling and says "you've been upholstered".
- When all the valuable furniture is destroyed, Gehn runs to Rollo's side to save him! And slips in blood! And crushes his arm! It's basically mangled celery! (50 exp)
- But though Rollo begs for death, he's brought back from the brink. For now. (50 exp)
- Without the ghosts to lead them, the party grabs the miraculously unharmed fondue and pie, and continues into the haunted mansion... (50 exp)
Total: 1450 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Mad Inventor bonus (50 exp)
- Medical Malpractice bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Spoopy bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Smooching bonus (50 exp)
- Treasure Destroyer bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Zan, Rollo - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Rollo - 100 exp)
- Cartographer bonus (Gehn - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Rollo - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Zan, Gehn, Gorund, Cranky Jim, Gastron - 100 exp ea.)
- Amusing Death bonus (Ludovico - 500 exp to Rollo)
- Near Death Experience bonus (Rollo - 100 exp)
- Death's Witness bonus (all non-Ludovico - 100 exp ea.)
Total: 1050 exp + bonuses
Rumours:
- None as yet!

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Ludovico, killed by chairs
- Rollo, arm mangled by furniture and poor doctoring

[[]]

Exp Totals:
Charles / Zan, Spermling of Zea, Level 6 Cleric (Termaxian): 52386 (Level up at 56000)Kitty / Sophia, Level 6 Necromancer: 39567 (Level up at 72000)-- POWERMAN!, Level 4 POWERFIGHTER: 13580 (Level up at 16000)
-- Guido, Possessed Skull on giant skeleton
Andy / Cranky Jim, Level 5 Dwarf: 32710 (Level up at 35200)
Henry / Gorund, Level 4 Specialist: 8967 (Level up at 12000)
Tom / Ludovico, Level 2 Magic User: 3128 (Level up at 4500)
*DECEASED*
James / Gâstron Bistró, Level 2 Barbarian: 3981 (Level up at 4000)
Warren / Dante, Level 2 Elf (Flitting Gad): 3586 (Level up at 6000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 level 1 spell/day! +free spell! +Elfiness!
Tom / Rollo, Level 1 Goblin: 1853 (Level up at 2000)
Fraser / Gehn, Level 1 Specialist (Thief-Doctor): 1253 (Level up at 1500)
Absent or Retired:
Fraser / Jumarak, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 54957 (Level up at 72000)
Ollie / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, 
Level 7 Barbarian: 76649 (Level up at 128000)
Dominic / Sir Stabbington Shanks, Level 7 Fighter: 68702 (Level up at 128000)

Tom / Seraph Dawnstride, Level 2 Cleric (Nonanist): 2979 (Level up at 3500)

James / 
Dr. Grijze van Held, Level 1 Specialist (Doctor): 453 (Level up at 1500)
Kyle / Jain Doe, Level 6 Dwarf: 40594 (Level up at 70400)

James / Rat LeBlanc, Level 6 Ratman: 47965 (Level up at 48000)

Tom / Eleyn, 5HD genitalia demon with mind of an insane mutant gypsy
Anthony / Grunt, Level 3 Barbarian: 5298 (Level up at 8000)

Charlie / Una, Level 2 Specialist (Rogue): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Tomas / Shiz Nittlebam, Level 2 Magic User: 3877 (Level up at 4500)
Richard / Stonecold, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 2264 (Level up at 4500)

Owen / Guyphy, Level 1 Elf (Scalbert Gumph): 1245 (Level up at 3000)
Clo / Bamuk, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3869 (Level up at 4500)
Will / Walkul the Rogue, Level 1 Specialist: 1301 (Level up at 1500)

Dominic's (?) Retainer
-- Dr Charmington, Level 3 Specialist (Quack): 4821 (Level up at 6000)
Joe / Joe's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 321 (Level up at 2250)
Steve / Brand Earthhammer, Level 1 Fighter: 395 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver R / Reynard, Level 3 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 4077 (Level up at 6000)
Matteo / Lucifer, Level 1 Necromancer: 933 (Level up at 2250)

Ellie / Ellie's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 744 (Level up at 2250)
Jerry / Jerry's Next Character, Level 1 ???: 200 (Level up at ???)
Daniel / Nash, Level 1 Fighter: 455 (Level up at 2000)
Sarah / Mana, Level 4 Specialist (Thief): 13447 (Level up at 24000)
Jim / Jim's Fighter, Level 1 Fighter: 241 (Level up at 2000)
Louis / Louis' Next Character, Level 1 ???: 2062 (Level up at ???)
Oliver R / Osar, Level 2 Specialist (Dabbler): 661 (Level up at 3000)
Charlie / Le Chaz III, Level 1 Cleric: 670 (Level up at 1750)
David / Theras, Level 5 Specialist (Assassin): 13422 (Level up at 24000)
Mariana / Joe Joe, Level 5 Halfling: 28949 (Level up at 32000)
Dana / Bingo Augustus, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19863 (Level up at 36000)
James / Quarion, Level 3 Elf (Gremling): 7947 (Level up at 12000)
Gary / Skirr Abderian, Level 1 Specialist (Thief): 416 (Level up at 1500)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 4018 (Level up at 7000)
Wai / Mogwi Stitch-Up, Level 2 Specialist: 2715 (Level up at 3000)
Sam / Lucados Orbrus, Level 2 Fighter: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Clay / Carthas, Level 1 Fighter: 371 (Level up at 2000)
John / West, Level 1 Cleric: 521 (Level up at 1750)
Hayley / Bob, Level 2 Dwarf: 2999 (Level up at 4400)
Niall / Roht, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 722 (Level up at 2250)
??? / Unnamed Cleric of the Garden God, Level 1 Cleric: 0 (Level up at 1750)
Florent / Sir Arthur, Level 1 Fighter: 186 (Level up at 2000)
Jamie / Alden, Level 1 Magic-User: 186 (Level up at 2250)
Ben / Thant, Level 1 Cleric: 186 (Level up at 1750)
Mike / Arran Folynn, Level 1 Specialist (Rogue): 186 (Level up at 1500)
Alex / Arhnin, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1518 (Level up at 3000)
Daniel / Davrak, Level 1 Magic User: 976 (Level up at 2250)
Nuno / Temperion, Level 1 Magic User: 742 (Level up at 2250)
Leo / Leo, Level 4 Cleric: 11102 (Level up at 14000)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 5 Dwarf: 19420 (Level up at 35200)
-- Mr Pig, Level 1 Porcine.
Aron / Alphonse the Gentleman Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1184 (Level up at 2000)
Nimrod / U, Level 2 Specialist (Monk): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)
Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)
-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar
Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)
Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

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