Thursday, 26 January 2017


Now that was a session.
Thanks heaps, all, for helping me work out what was going on through all the chaos!

Guido climbing the side of the ship like a skeletal King Kong
T-Boning an enemy ship and unleashing broadsides from within
Jade weeping blood as Lulu smashes her way through a whole ship's crew
The Captain blasted off the ship by the ghosts of drowned sailors
The flamethrower hitting the ship's magazine
It was wild!

Will out intrepid band of heretical murderers finally get some admin in?
Stay tuned!

Now some art attacks -

Inline images 1
- Tom tries to sum up the madness

Inline images 2
- Fraser sculpts the RADDEST huge mould guy

Inline images 3
- I also attempt to sum up the madness

Inline images 4
- Guido cameo


Campaign Date:
Saturday, 6 April, 1550
Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Zodiac: Pisces

New Backstory:
- Grizje was very overweight due to alcoholism, with his wife Josephine dead and his life's work having brought nothing but horror he gave himself to the demon drink (+1 AC for ten minutes after downing alcohol)

Enemies Defeated:
- The heavily armoured captain, ghost-blasted overboard (75 exp)- At least 200 sailors, blown up (2000 exp)
- At least as many mould people, consumed in fire (2000 exp)
Total: 4075 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Just be glad you don't lose exp for losing valuable items I guess?!
- 4 fish, courtesy of Lulu
Total: 0 exp

Exploration:- 18 miles of travel (60 exp)
Total: 60 exp


- Peaceful sailing on the River! We begin with Lulu on the deck of the longship tied up alongside the temple-ship, Jade tying the captain up and stuffing him in a locker, and the rest of the party half a day's travel away. (50 exp)
- Lulu skinned her longboat's single sailor for desertion, and uses his corpse to successfully fish from the river as they travel (50 exp)
- As the rest of the party close in on the pickup area, they pass a scene of recent battle. No corpses to be seen, but much blood. (50 exp)
- Templeship Eppur Si Muove sways through the water towards the pickup zone, and a large hulk is spotted anchored in the middle of the river! A lifeboat of several people is paddling away. (50 exp)
- Lulu unmoors and heads towards the lifeboat, seeing refugees on board she turns to talk and pick them up. (50 exp)
- But wait! Jade is here! She runs up to the helmsman and they have an altercation, the helmsman disappearing belowdecks to get the captain. (50 exp)
- Left at the wheel, Jade steers the temple-ship straight towards the hulk! Ramming speed! (50 exp)
- Lulu skilfully evades the onrushing ship, but the refugees aren't so lucky. They capsize, and Lulu helps them on board. (50 exp)
- CRASH! The temple ship bisects the hulk, spearing it through the port side! Sailors fall from rigging, the occupants of the hulk are thrown to the deck! (50 exp)
- On the shore, the rest of the party watches aghast as they see an ornate golden ship, huge bell ringing, crash through another! (50 exp)
- The Helmsman comes back, bereft of captain, and sees what Jade has done. He goes to punch her in the face with his knuckledusters... and Jade swaps a spell to intentionally invoke chaos. (50 exp)
- The Helmsman's punch connects, Jade staggers back and the Chaos Burst is unleashed!!! She is now... immune to sarcasm. (50 exp)
- Her spell swap, a separate roll, goes off. She Casts the Bones and begins weeping blood uncontrollably, a blood-drenched halo dripping above her head! (50 exp)
- The point of all this, to cast Message, doesn't even work. There's something obviously demonic going on! (50 exp)
- On the shore, Zan's got a plan, man. He casts Water Walk on Guido, who picks up Sophia and Gorund under each arms, and sprints across the river's surface itself! (50 exp)
- Lulu's managed to spend this time pulling back up alongside the temple ship. She climbs a rope, sees Jade under attack from many sailors and the helmsman, and unleashes her RAGE (50 exp)
- Jade's getting shanked while screaming and weeping blood, some sailors peel off to deal with this insane woman with no weapons and glowing gold tattoos who is clearly also demonic! (50 exp)
- Lulu punches fucking four dudes off the ship in one strike. The spell she absorbed last week goes off, and the evil baboon idol is back! Spinning in the air and unleashing judgement! (50 exp)
- Lulu and Jade roll equally well and actually gain Intelligence! The sailors lose their shit but their morale is unbroken. They fight for their ship! (50 exp)
- Guido reaches the ship and begins to climb. Those inside see a dark, skeletal shape SMASH its bony silver hand into the window! They scream! Guido et al get onto the deck (50 exp)
- They see, to stern, Lulu's aristeia as she beats up waves of sailors. To bow, countless mould-diseased weirdoes are jumping onto the temple ship from the breach! Sailors are in a tense battle for their lives! Most notable is a huge hulking fungal guy like 7' tall. (50 exp)
- Guido is absolutely tearing these sailors to shreds, but Grijze tells him to stop and also asks why everyone is fighting. The surviving sailors are in too much shock to do much but stare (50 exp)
- Zan has cast Water Walk on himself and Cranky Jim, they sprint over the water carrying POWERMAN between them. They don't want to risk him touching the water! (50 exp)
- Sophia ghost-blasts the huge fungal man backwards onto his own ship, evening the odds for the sailors. (50 exp)
- The Captain emerges onto the deck in full battle regalia... plus a massive shoulder-mounted gun! A ghostly green man, antlers upon his brow, seems to reach over and hold the gun in his lithe arms. (50 exp)
- Sophia is having none of that and ghost-blasts him off the starboard side. So much for him! (50 exp)
- Gorund puts on his half-mitre and jumps down a hatch into the gun deck. The mould men and sailors do muffled battle in the dark, but his voice roars! Fire the cannons! FIRE! (50 exp)
- They do so, and the mighty broadsides blast into the skewered mould hulk from the INSIDE! Many inside are destroyed! (50 exp)
- Zan and Cranky Jim have reached the longship. Zan jumps up onto the temple-ship, while Grijze jumps down onto it. (50 exp)
- They unmoor, hook up the mighty flamethrower, and begin burning the mould hulk! The spores drifting from the vessel pop as they burn, and mould men cease jumping on board the temple-ship so long as the fire continues! (50 exp)
- Lulu is still kicking the shit out of these sailors even though reinforcements keep arriving. She gets kicked against the side of the ship at one point, turns, and jumps back into glorious battle. They stab her with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast! (50 exp)
- Rather than queue up get killed by the raging barbarian princess who's murdering all their shipmates, a couple of them instead decide to go make sure the demonic blood jesus with the bleeding halo is properly dead. (50 exp)
- It is argued that this is irrational, but I guess they must have had their reasons. (50 exp)
- Jade's fingers get cut off by these guys as she stops playing dead and tries to block with her hand! Somehow between the crying tears of blood, the blood halo, and the fingers, the blood loss sends her blind as she loses consciousness. (50 exp)
- Zan runs over with a suspected Health potion and... thank fuck! It is a health potion! Jade's unconscious but ok! (50 exp)
- The ships, smashed together, have drifted enough in the current to crash into the nearby sandbank! The Longboat is trapped between them and the shore, and begins pumping flame into the cannon holes of the temple ship! (50 exp)
- They hit the magazine. (50 exp)
- It detonates. (50 exp)
- Last chance time. Lulu grabs Jade's unconscious and bloody body then dives off the ship, parachute-cloak opening to allow her to ride the explosion. (50 exp)
- The rest dive dive dive off the ship! While Sophia et al manage to swing off onto the longboat by the rigging, Guido goes plop like a stone. (50 exp)
- Those on the longboat see both ships absolutely EXPLODE, the shockwave sending the longboat skidding up the shore and onto the sandbank. Miraculously, everyone is safe! (50 exp)
Total: 2050 exp

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)
- Heresy bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Infamy bonus (50 exp)
- Kill it with Fire bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)
- Monster Infighting bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- This! Is! Sparta! bonus (50 exp)
- War Crime bonus (50 exp)
- Amputation bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
- Inspiring Speech bonus (Gorund - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Jade, Svetnir - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Art bonus (Jade, Svetnir - 100 exp ea.)- Badass Backstory bonus (Grijze - 100 exp)
- Recap Remembrancer bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Gorund, Lulu, Cranky Jim, Svetnir - 100 exp ea.)
- Near Death Experience bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
Total: 950 exp + bonuses
- A temple ship blew up on the Deeprush! (presumably a rumour now)

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Jade, lost four fingers and her vision!


Exp Totals:
Oli / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 7 Barbarian: 85493 (Level up at 128000)
Charles / Zan, Spermling of Zea, Level 7 Cleric (Termaxian): 66427 (Level up at 112000)
Kitty / Sophia, Level 6 Necromancer: 52545 (Level up at 72000)-- POWERMAN!, Level 5 POWERFIGHTER: 17510 (Level up at 32000)
-- Guido, Possessed Skull on giant skeleton
Andy / Cranky Jim, Level 6 Dwarf: 49451 (Level up at 70400)
Henry / Gorund, Level 5 Specialist: 21317 (Level up at 24000)
Tom / Jade, Level 4 Elf (Languid Wastrel): 14459 (Level up at 24000)James / Dr. Grijze van Held, Level 3 Specialist (Doctor): 3962 (Level up at 6000)
Fraser / Svetnir, Level 3 Goblin: 4589 (Level up at 8000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 goblin buddy!

Absent or Retired:
Sascha / Deek, Level 1 Specialist (Jack-of-all-Trades): 480 (Level up at 1500)
Warren / Dante, Level 2 Elf (Flitting Gad): 3586 (Level up at 6000)
Fraser / Jumarak, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 54957 (Level up at 72000)
Dominic / Sir Stabbington Shanks, Level 7 Fighter: 68702 (Level up at 128000)
Tom / Seraph Dawnstride, Level 2 Cleric (Nonanist): 2979 (Level up at 3500)
Kyle / Jain Doe, Level 6 Dwarf: 40594 (Level up at 70400)

Anthony / Grunt, Level 3 Barbarian: 5298 (Level up at 8000)

Charlie / Una, Level 2 Specialist (Rogue): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Tomas / Shiz Nittlebam, Level 2 Magic User: 3877 (Level up at 4500)
Richard / Stonecold, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 2264 (Level up at 4500)

Owen / Guyphy, Level 1 Elf (Scalbert Gumph): 1245 (Level up at 3000)
Clo / Bamuk, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3869 (Level up at 4500)
Will / Walkul the Rogue, Level 1 Specialist: 1301 (Level up at 1500)

Dominic's (?) Retainer
-- Dr Charmington, Level 3 Specialist (Quack): 4821 (Level up at 6000)
Joe / Joe's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 321 (Level up at 2250)
Steve / Brand Earthhammer, Level 1 Fighter: 395 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver R / Reynard, Level 3 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 4077 (Level up at 6000)
Matteo / Lucifer, Level 1 Necromancer: 933 (Level up at 2250)

Ellie / Ellie's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 744 (Level up at 2250)
Jerry / Jerry's Next Character, Level 1 ???: 200 (Level up at ???)
Daniel / Nash, Level 1 Fighter: 455 (Level up at 2000)
Sarah / Mana, Level 4 Specialist (Thief): 13447 (Level up at 24000)
Jim / Jim's Fighter, Level 1 Fighter: 241 (Level up at 2000)
Louis / Louis' Next Character, Level 1 ???: 2062 (Level up at ???)
Oliver R / Osar, Level 2 Specialist (Dabbler): 661 (Level up at 3000)
Charlie / Le Chaz III, Level 1 Cleric: 670 (Level up at 1750)
David / Theras, Level 5 Specialist (Assassin): 13422 (Level up at 24000)
Mariana / Joe Joe, Level 5 Halfling: 28949 (Level up at 32000)
Dana / Bingo Augustus, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19863 (Level up at 36000)
James / Quarion, Level 3 Elf (Gremling): 7947 (Level up at 12000)
Gary / Skirr Abderian, Level 1 Specialist (Thief): 416 (Level up at 1500)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 4018 (Level up at 7000)
Wai / Mogwi Stitch-Up, Level 2 Specialist: 2715 (Level up at 3000)
Sam / Lucados Orbrus, Level 2 Fighter: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Clay / Carthas, Level 1 Fighter: 371 (Level up at 2000)
John / West, Level 1 Cleric: 521 (Level up at 1750)
Hayley / Bob, Level 2 Dwarf: 2999 (Level up at 4400)
Niall / Roht, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 722 (Level up at 2250)
??? / Unnamed Cleric of the Garden God, Level 1 Cleric: 0 (Level up at 1750)
Florent / Sir Arthur, Level 1 Fighter: 186 (Level up at 2000)
Jamie / Alden, Level 1 Magic-User: 186 (Level up at 2250)
Ben / Thant, Level 1 Cleric: 186 (Level up at 1750)
Mike / Arran Folynn, Level 1 Specialist (Rogue): 186 (Level up at 1500)
Alex / Arhnin, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1518 (Level up at 3000)
Daniel / Davrak, Level 1 Magic User: 976 (Level up at 2250)
Nuno / Temperion, Level 1 Magic User: 742 (Level up at 2250)
Leo / Leo, Level 4 Cleric: 11102 (Level up at 14000)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 5 Dwarf: 19420 (Level up at 35200)
-- Mr Pig, Level 1 Porcine.
Aron / Alphonse the Gentleman Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1184 (Level up at 2000)
Nimrod / U, Level 2 Specialist (Monk): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)
Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)
-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar
Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)
Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

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