Monday, 23 January 2017

Session 120 - Homewreckers

Good session! In all my vague ideas of what you guys would get up to in the future, none of them involved a random encounter turning into you guys stealing a massive ship via sex magic and subterfuge.
Makes it easier to assault the Witch-Pirate I guess!

Various rules bollocks so you're all on board with how things work, mostly because they're new and make more sense when you can see the tables -

Of these you know. I wanted to make bookshelves and libraries more interesting, so it's basically a big old list of topics with a hash code so I can look it up.
The idea is that you ask me questions on the book's subject, and you get better answers depending on the number of books you've got available to reference.

​​Hopefully it makes collecting books and/or researching things more interesting, and gives me ways to dispense game lore!
Spellcasters can all swap spells while casting now, not just Clerics. New policy is that if you didn't write down your prepared spells (aka spells in your head) at the start of the day, every spell counts as a spell swap.

​Penalty based on the levels of the spells you're swapping.
+1 Bonus per HP you sacrifice during the swap.
Obviously lower results are metaphysically Worse.

Necromancers don't have to roll on the table, they just deal damage to themselves and everyone around them. 

 Longboat, by Fraser

Also attached are two COMPETING WORDS OF THE LORD from Jade and Lulu.
Such wondrous heresy.

Finally, I'm embarrassingly proud of this recap's title pun -

Session 120 - Homewreckers

Campaign Date:
Wednesday, 3 April, 1550
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Zodiac: Pisces

New Characters:
 Hayashi "Jack" Keito, Samurai from the ancient and alien warring states of Nippon, forced to dig graves for himself and family but killed his foes with the sword he was to gut himself with. Dishonoured, he fled on a Dutch ship to Loegria.

New Backstory:
- Jade struggled on the streets of Fortress-City Fate, a lowly whore who was once a courtesan. She stood up to a pimp, but it didn't go well for her. (At will, force a creature to prioritise you)
- Svetnir grew in the goblin ghettoes that lie between Edge and Dwarrow, he left in the hopes of finding fame, fortune, and less entrenched racism. (+1 Constitution)
- Grijze was involved in hideous bio-experimentation alongside a gifted man named Victor. When the creature stirred and they had to flee, the older Grijze demanded that the more talented Victor go on without him! (While fleeing, may grant your flee roll to another)

Enemies Defeated:
- A whole temple-ship! Captured by devious means (500 exp)
- The alleged Lord Joudain, crucified (50 exp)
- The actual Lord Joudain, cured of ennui (500 exp)
Total: 1050 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- A whole temple-ship!
- 100 sp (100 exp)
- Book #249 - Mammals
- Book #209 - The Deep Gods
- Book #193 - Exploration of the New World
- Book #252 - Surgery
- Book #184 - On the Monstrous
- Book #116 - Ur-Darghab, City of the Deeps
Total: 100 exp

Exploration:- Explored one additional room of the Chateau (20 exp)
- 18 miles of travel (60 exp)
Total: 80 exp


- A tale in two to three parts
-- Team Chateau. Intention: to find the lord of the cursed mansion and kill him.
- After waking and waving goodbye to Jade and Lulu, the rest continue exploring. (50 exp)
- A grand bedroom with... THE GUY! The guy in the paintings! He's just walking around in here! (50 exp)
- Nobody can speak Occitan... except Grijze van Held! Phew. They chat for a bit, Lord Joudain offers to give them a tour of the place. (50 exp)
- Those two guards, Jaume and Miquel, come in and make obvious "oh we'll take care of them, sir" comments, Zan laments the lack of a Sense Motive skill even though he is clearly sensing their motive just fine on his own. (50 exp)
- As the party move along with the guard dudes, Gorund hides behind the curtains and Cranky Jim hangs back to stay near the bedroom. Three-way split! (50 exp)
- The guards ask what the tourists want to see, and they say the wine cellar. Knowing looks and nudging from the guards. But when they get down there, someone's stolen the expensive wine bottles!! (50 exp)
- Grijze and Zan show the guards proper wine tasting with the ghostly wine from the barrels, getting them really very drunk. (50 exp)
- The tour continues, but as they ascend the stairs an old lady is there! She berates them for getting drunk and starts attacking them with her handbag! The others leave them to it, but watch. The ghostly lord of the manor begins to chuckle... (50 exp)
- While this has been going on, Gorund and Cranky Jim have been busy! While Gorund rifles through the bookshelf for interesting tomes, Cranky Jim walks in and tries to talk to Lord Joudain... then shanks him with an iron spike! (50 exp)
- A crit! He disables him instead of killing him, realising as he does so that this guy has some fairly notable differences to the paintings. His eyes are a different colour, and his teeth are a bit wonky. (50 exp)
- Cranky Jim crucifies the pretender against the wall. The "real" Lord Joudain's head forms in the wall and laughs! The Virgin Sword is buried in his wood-textured head... but gets stuck. (50 exp)
- Pissed off, Cranky Jim guts the false Joudain, ties his entrails to a chair, and throws it out the window. Real Joudain is fucking LOVING it. "ohohoho! I sink you 'ave cured mah ennui!" (50 exp)
- The whole house becomes writhing laughing figures! And begins sinking into the ground!! Time to bail, but it's hard when the whole house is laughing figures holding you back to laugh against you. (50 exp)
- Grijze gives his "go on without me!" fleeing die to Zan, who legs it. Svetnir sprints out the front door but tragically leaves his goblin buddy offspring behind. (50 exp)
- Gorund and Cranky Jim run past the still-stuck virgin sword and jump out the second storey window, hoping to use the entrails as a rope to swing on! ... landing harmlessly on the ground a couple of feet below as the chateau tips and breaks apart (50 exp)
- Grijze pulls himself together and, despite the odds, manages to just leap out a tall first floor double door before it sinks below ground level! He stares around as the chateau caves in on itself. Survival for all!  (50 exp)
-- Team Thwarted Admin. Intention: Equipment tables, carousing.
- Jade and Lulu leave the chateau, heading for the river where Lulu's quantum longship is totes tied up. Sure, I guess that's fine. (50 exp)
- Overland trip uneventful except for a rotting cow skull hanging from a tree. They reach the longship in good time. (50 exp)
- Hey, Lulu's quantum ship-look-after guy is here! Hello, Corrin. They unmoor and begin to sail off, scheming about how they'll spend all their money. (50 exp)
- BONG! BONG! A church bell rings... from an enormous and ornate temple-ship! One of these again! It draws up alongside, and a man in obnoxiously ornate armour booms down that they should prepare for inspection. (50 exp)
- Jade's feminine wiles come good once more, and she offers to let him inspect her ;) (50 exp)
- He accepts! Lulu and Jade climb up to the good ship Eppur Si Muove and begin a seduction attempt. I suddenly realise I have to run a sex scene that doesn't fade to black. (50 exp)
- Buttering him up with expensive wine from France, the ladies begin to seduce the surprisingly young, surprisingly inexperienced captain. The first mate closes the door. (50 exp)
- Out the window... fuck! Corrin's sailing off with all the loot! Lulu's luck holds and the temple-ship fires upon him, forcing him to come back. (50 exp)
- Jade tries to sexily magically get him out of his armour with a Chime of Release - and I get to try out the new spell swapping rules! The chime goes off but some of the magic spills out into the world! A golden idol spins garishly in the middle of the room! Jade's face gets uglier! the captain begins to cry golden maggots while screaming! OH FUUU (50 exp)
- Lulu blinks, her tattoos and eyes glowing gold with power. She has absorbed the magic! Thank fuck for that. They begin massaging the now-nude captain again when... he suddenly shudders and begins apologising. (50 exp)
- Mildly amused at his premature predicament, Jade tugs on the Skull Switcher glove and punches him in the face! (50 exp)
- Jade is the captain now. The captain, in Jade's body, panics and goes for the door. Lulu puts a stop to that. (50 exp)
- Striding out onto the deck, Captain!Jade bellows to the crew! Holding aloft a mug of water, s/he tells of the miracle that has been experienced! The Gods have come to this place! By their emissaries, Lulu and Jade! (50 exp)
- S/he splashes the water from the mug everywhere... and it becomes wine! A con involving the Farage Mug, but incredibly convincing! The crew cheer! (50 exp)
- A new target of their religious ire is set - they shall sail out to destroy the dreaded Witch-Pirate of Guernsey! And maybe pick up some other holy crusaders on the way maybe! Huzzah!!! (50 exp)
Total: 1550 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Antagoniser bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Heresy bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Master of Disguise bonus (50 exp)
- Mind Control to Major Tom bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)- Art Attack bonus (Svetnir - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
- Find-and-Replace Fiction Fanatic bonus (Lulu - 10 exp)
- Recap Remembrancer bonus (Gorund - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Grijze, Zan, Lulu, Gorund, Svetnir - 100 exp ea.)
- Inspiring Speech bonus (Jade - 100 exp)
Total: 600 exp + bonuses
- Soooooon

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None!?


Exp Totals:
Oli / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 7 Barbarian: 84553 (Level up at 128000)
Charles / Zan, Spermling of Zea, Level 7 Cleric (Termaxian): 65587 (Level up at 112000)
Andy / Cranky Jim, Level 6 Dwarf: 48511 (Level up at 70400)
Henry / Gorund, Level 5 Specialist: 20277 (Level up at 24000)
Tom / Jade, Level 4 Elf (Languid Wastrel): 13119 (Level up at 24000)Fraser / Svetnir, Level 2 Goblin: 3449 (Level up at 4000)James / Dr. Grijze van Held, Level 3 Specialist (Doctor): 3022 (Level up at 6000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points!
Absent or Retired:
Kitty / Sophia, Level 6 Necromancer: 51705 (Level up at 72000)-- POWERMAN!, Level 5 POWERFIGHTER: 17090 (Level up at 32000)
-- Guido, Possessed Skull on giant skeleton
Sascha / Deek, Level 1 Specialist (Jack-of-all-Trades): 480 (Level up at 1500)Warren / Dante, Level 2 Elf (Flitting Gad): 3586 (Level up at 6000)
Fraser / Jumarak, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 54957 (Level up at 72000)
Dominic / Sir Stabbington Shanks, Level 7 Fighter: 68702 (Level up at 128000)
Tom / Seraph Dawnstride, Level 2 Cleric (Nonanist): 2979 (Level up at 3500)
Kyle / Jain Doe, Level 6 Dwarf: 40594 (Level up at 70400)

Anthony / Grunt, Level 3 Barbarian: 5298 (Level up at 8000)

Charlie / Una, Level 2 Specialist (Rogue): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Tomas / Shiz Nittlebam, Level 2 Magic User: 3877 (Level up at 4500)
Richard / Stonecold, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 2264 (Level up at 4500)

Owen / Guyphy, Level 1 Elf (Scalbert Gumph): 1245 (Level up at 3000)
Clo / Bamuk, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3869 (Level up at 4500)
Will / Walkul the Rogue, Level 1 Specialist: 1301 (Level up at 1500)

Dominic's (?) Retainer
-- Dr Charmington, Level 3 Specialist (Quack): 4821 (Level up at 6000)
Joe / Joe's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 321 (Level up at 2250)
Steve / Brand Earthhammer, Level 1 Fighter: 395 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver R / Reynard, Level 3 Specialist (Sneak Thief): 4077 (Level up at 6000)
Matteo / Lucifer, Level 1 Necromancer: 933 (Level up at 2250)

Ellie / Ellie's Necromancer, Level 1 Necromancer: 744 (Level up at 2250)
Jerry / Jerry's Next Character, Level 1 ???: 200 (Level up at ???)
Daniel / Nash, Level 1 Fighter: 455 (Level up at 2000)
Sarah / Mana, Level 4 Specialist (Thief): 13447 (Level up at 24000)
Jim / Jim's Fighter, Level 1 Fighter: 241 (Level up at 2000)
Louis / Louis' Next Character, Level 1 ???: 2062 (Level up at ???)
Oliver R / Osar, Level 2 Specialist (Dabbler): 661 (Level up at 3000)
Charlie / Le Chaz III, Level 1 Cleric: 670 (Level up at 1750)
David / Theras, Level 5 Specialist (Assassin): 13422 (Level up at 24000)
Mariana / Joe Joe, Level 5 Halfling: 28949 (Level up at 32000)
Dana / Bingo Augustus, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19863 (Level up at 36000)
James / Quarion, Level 3 Elf (Gremling): 7947 (Level up at 12000)
Gary / Skirr Abderian, Level 1 Specialist (Thief): 416 (Level up at 1500)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 4018 (Level up at 7000)
Wai / Mogwi Stitch-Up, Level 2 Specialist: 2715 (Level up at 3000)
Sam / Lucados Orbrus, Level 2 Fighter: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Clay / Carthas, Level 1 Fighter: 371 (Level up at 2000)
John / West, Level 1 Cleric: 521 (Level up at 1750)
Hayley / Bob, Level 2 Dwarf: 2999 (Level up at 4400)
Niall / Roht, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 722 (Level up at 2250)
??? / Unnamed Cleric of the Garden God, Level 1 Cleric: 0 (Level up at 1750)
Florent / Sir Arthur, Level 1 Fighter: 186 (Level up at 2000)
Jamie / Alden, Level 1 Magic-User: 186 (Level up at 2250)
Ben / Thant, Level 1 Cleric: 186 (Level up at 1750)
Mike / Arran Folynn, Level 1 Specialist (Rogue): 186 (Level up at 1500)
Alex / Arhnin, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1518 (Level up at 3000)
Daniel / Davrak, Level 1 Magic User: 976 (Level up at 2250)
Nuno / Temperion, Level 1 Magic User: 742 (Level up at 2250)
Leo / Leo, Level 4 Cleric: 11102 (Level up at 14000)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 5 Dwarf: 19420 (Level up at 35200)
-- Mr Pig, Level 1 Porcine.
Aron / Alphonse the Gentleman Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1184 (Level up at 2000)
Nimrod / U, Level 2 Specialist (Monk): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)
Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)
-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar
Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)
Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

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