Friday, 21 April 2017

Session 133 - Mascot Massacre

A sad day for all, as almost every horse the party owns is killed by brain-eating deer and Svolich is eaten by same as he attempts to befriend them.

While Moondin is still so very far away, and the paths through the woods seem untrustworthy, the party has found their way to a river which Rake believes he can use to work out just where they've managed to end up.
That's sort of a win!

- I attempt to draw Rake's KILLSMASH CUTTING RAZOR CUT finishing move

- Tom depicts Cecil's... unique... means of Detecting Evil.

Session 133 - Mascot Massacre
Campaign Date:
Monday, 16 April, 1660
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent
Zodiac: Pisces

10 Days - Captain Book

New Backstory:
- Captain Book's father ran a cult to "help people". Book hated it, and escaped to the sea to begin a life of daring piracy! (+1 to selfless acts)
- Rake's grandparents were hardcore Denialists (Rake's related to the van Helds on the maternal side), Rake rebelled, and on the fields of battle he realised that there are no gods. Only DEATH! (Apostate to Denialism, but Denialist spells have half effect.)
- Andromeda was raised by gypsies after her mother abandoned her. The child of a barbarian and a wizard, she was always a girl in opposition. Anyway, one time she made good porridge and the gypsies liked it so much she had to run away. (+1 Dex)
- Cecil's greatest regret is not brewing his sex change potion right. If he could go back, he'd do it all again. (Once per session, get a take-back)
- Svolich grassed on his cooking partner, who was understandably very disappointed. (Force an attack, saving throw and/or skill check to succeed, once each per session. You get -2 to that roll for the rest of the session)

Enemies Defeated:- 4 jaggy-legged brainsucker deer, killed or briefly tamed (200 exp)
- A group of tree-ghouls distracted with horse haunch (300 exp)
Total: 500 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Half-full ink bottle
- Negative one brain
Total: 0 exp

- 18 miles of travel (60 exp)
- 2 random encounters (40 exp)
- First party to enter the Poison Laboratory, however briefly (100 exp)
- Explored one dungeon room sorta kinda (20 exp)
Total: 220 exp

- Taking stock after last week's thrilling escape, the party deface the wagons to hide the Necromancer symbols on the sides. The Necromancer's horse is renamed Bastard. Andromeda names hers Hotshot. (50 exp)
- Captain Book returns!.. with a latent mould infestation. He's handling it, even though he can't feel empathy naturally any more. (50 exp)
- A night is spent sleeping in wagons at the remains of an old campsite by the side of the road. Half a bottle of ink is found. This will turn out to be the only treasure found this session. (50 exp)
- Morning arrives. Book's mould infestation has begun to creep out over his skin. Andromeda's been reading the Necromancer book during the night. (50 exp)
- Allegedly there are currently 9234 Necromancers in Loegria. Andromeda marks one down. Also, Cyrus Carnithrex Maximus the vampire king is still around! (50 exp)
- The book on the New World is also perused - apparently the city of El Dorado is (roll roll) REEAALL! (50 exp)
- They head off in the presumed direction of Moondin. Coming to a branch in the road marked by a large cairn. Andromeda climbs a tree to get a bearing. In the distance she sees the big chained tentacle... (50 exp)
- But she also sees a weird sword-legged tentacle-mouthed deer thing limping down the northwest road. (50 exp)
- Cecil sees it too. His horse is spooked. The deer continues limping forwards, sword-legs spiking into the mud. The party, slow at first then faster, ride the other way. (50 exp)
- But it's an ambush! Three more leap from the woods, and the limping one stops pretending to limp! "Clever girl...", says Andromeda. (50 exp)
- High speed chase/combat scene begins! Wagon and horses surge forwards as the sword-deer scythe into the fray! (50 exp)
- Horse health is suddenly necessary. Hotshot has... two hp. The horse dies instantly as the leaping deer demon's legs stab into its flank! (50 exp)
- Para and Lel have an HP pool due to their bond. Both must live, or neither. Para is attacked, a deer slashing along his ribs. (50 exp)
- Rake jumps from the wagon onto Para, hits the deer off the prized horse. Captain Book slings a knife and hits another. Cecil acts as outrider, detouring through the forest before galloping up alongside. (50 exp)
- Three deer all head for Book's wagon. Luckily two of them jump into the wagon itself and just kinda ruin it, while another fluffs the jump at Book and just sort of hangs off the roof. (50 exp)
- Rake tries an epic leap from the roof of one wagon to the other! Andromeda casts Enlarge as she gives him a boost!... but double gambit fail, misses the jump and hits the ground hard. Cecil rides round to pick the larger Rake up off the ground. Also it turns out that Rake is like a reverse Hulk, when hulking out his trousers are torn off but his shirt stretches. (50 exp)
- Lel is attacked by one of the wagon deer. It gets both legs in and begins slurping down horse-brain. Lel and Para die simultaneously. I really was hoping they'd be the new party mascots, a tear is shed. (50 exp)
- Captain Book is slashed and pinned by deer-claws. His last ditch attempt - feed it some mould! It... works?! (50 exp)
- The deer is tripping oooout. Andy's high has him super worried about everyone. He runs to the back of the unruined wagon and hides under a blanket. (50 exp)
- Andromeda's on one hp. She's got one spell left. Casting it will knock her out. SLEEP SLAP! on one of the other deer.... it totally works! They pass out together. (50 exp)
- Cecil and Rake, whose so large his feet are almost touching the ground despite being on horseback, ride in to protect Andromeda from the other deer! Cecil gives Rake the Godhead in addition to his Enlarge! Dude's juiced! (50 exp)
- The horse Bastard gets raked by deer-legs and Rake's sword slash does fuck all, despite the power of Chaos and Law juicing him up. HyperJesus works in mysterious ways. (50 exp)
- Just then, Svorich cruises in on his horse Molly! He winds down the horse's mane, aims his crossbow through the gap, and hits Rake in a random ride-by shooting. Shot! (50 exp)
- Cecil's healing magic goes off, restoring Andromeda to life! Hooray! But not so much hooray when the deer gets under Bastard and slices the poor horse's belly open, spilling its steaming guts onto the floor. (50 exp)
- Enough's enough! As the horse falls, Rake is EMPOWERED! He unleashes the mighty KILLSMASH CUTTING RAZOR CUT courtesy of an online anime move generator. The deer is diced! (50 exp)
- With one deer asleep, another tripping balls, and the other two dead, the cinematic ruckus is over. Phew! But alas, four horses have died. Like holy shit. Svolich's Molly is the only equine survivor, mostly because she turned up late (50 exp)
- Rake goes to finish off the sleeping deer-creature. He cocks a pistol, approaches the deer, starts to pull the trigger... (50 exp)
- "NO!" shouts Svolich. He gambits, crits, and his crossbow bolt shudders into a tree trunk... Rake's pistol spinning around the trigger guard. (50 exp)
- Svolich approaches a stunned Rake and puts a bar of soap in his mouth. "Clean up your act". The tension is palpable. Rake slams his axe into a tree to intimidate him.. and splinters the handle a little. (50 exp)
- Andromeda cuts the dead deer open, seizes their hearts for spell research purposes. Neat! Also, grabs horseshoe knuckledusters. Double neat. (50 exp)
- The horses are butchered for rations. Turns out woodland living really brings out the hunter in you! (50 exp)
- The second deer is fed some mould. Book's tripping again! The good thing is he now knows that whenever he infests a new creature it stalls his own infestation for 24 hours. (50 exp)
- They follow the path... but it ends at a cave? Cecil blows his last spell of the day - Detect Evil. The cave and the path itself detect as chaotic! To Cecil, this manifests as the evil-detected areas growing boobs. Because of course. (50 exp)
- Captain Book and Svolich decide to investigate the cave. The others, out of spells and/or too smart for that, decide to keep going and hopefully reach the river. They leave the wagon with Svolich. (50 exp)
-- Team Cave
- The mould-infested deer are kept on strange leashes by Team Cave, but they're docile. As they approach the cave, a voice asks "WHOSE BEATING HEART IS THAAT?!" (50 exp)
- Svolich decides he'll need some chemical assistance, gets some mould-drug off Captain Book, puts it in his cigarette, takes a drag and - BAM! He's having a fucking transcendant experience!! He is, was, will be every person, being and thing that has ever and will ever exist. (50 exp)
- Captain Book and the deer are tripping balls also, since they're in the vicinity. Good times for all! The high-voiced weirdo is veeery confused. (50 exp)
- An hour later, one of three people is shaking Book's shoulder, seeing if he's alright. The man has eyes like a lizard, but he blinks and they're normal. (50 exp)
- "You guys ok? How long are you going to be here?" Druggies have shown up at his front door and he clearly doesn't want to shoo them away in case they turn violent or something (50 exp)
- Svolich and Book ask some questions. Ninhursag, trying to create the omnipoison, verdegrised drakencult, yada yada. Book sings a sea shanty. The people head back into the cave, telling Team Cave that they can stand here for as long as they want, but they can't come in. (50 exp)
- The two go down the stairs anyway. At the bottom, a smallish cave and two of the occupants sitting at tables. It's clearly a dungeon. They bug out. (50 exp)
- Luckily the wagon's still here, so they go to sleep in the wagon with their new best friends the brain-sucking knife-foot deer. (50 exp)
- They awaken to the deer trying to suck out their brains! What. A. Shock. Captain Book survives, stumbling from the wagon and fleeing into the forest! Svolich's brain is devoured via the ear canals. (50 exp)
- First death of 1660, by the way! (50 exp)
-- Team Forest
- Rake, Andromeda and Cecil cut and stomp their way through the thick forest. Some snarling and whooping is heard! It's those weird yellow-clawed monkey things! (50 exp)
- Quick as they can, the team dump all their recently-acquired horsemeat in a pile and skirt off while the monkeys are distracted. It works! (50 exp)
- Soon, they reach a river. It's swift and clean, and across the other side are scraggly trees and a whole lot of dark barrow land. Rake is pretty sure he knows where they are! (50 exp)
- The New World book is read and re-dubbed "the Book to El Dorado". Also, the Necromancer book is checked out. Various facts - there's Duvan'Ku in the Americas, the Duvan'Ku can teach you necromancy, the Fated Queen is not of Duvan'Ku herself.
- Out of the trees, bruised and battered, comes Captain Book! He's alive! Also here, mysteriously appearing, is Raaf van Held. (50 exp)
- Battered and tired, standing on the banks of a surging river, the party stands tall. They may be fucked up and down a few horses and wagons, but they're alive.
Total: 2500 exp

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions 
bonus (50 exp)
- Bookworm bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Chase bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)
- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- PETA bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus (50 exp)
- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- Why Did You Eat That bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1100 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Caller (Andy / Captain Book - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Will / Cecil - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Horrifying Realisation bonus (Captain Book - 100 exp)
- Death's Witness bonus (Captain Book - 100 exp)
- Amusing Death bonus (James G / Raaf - 500 exp)
- An Hero bonus (James G / Raaf - 200 exp)
- Hugging the demon deer is a bad idea. You can have that one for free.

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Hotshot, horse who died immediately on contact with the enemy
- Para & Lel, poor foolish horses who lived and died as one
- Bastard, a horse taken too slowly for Andromeda's liking
- Svolich, died when went to sleep snuggling a knife-legged brain-eating demon deer

Exp Totals:
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 4 Cleric (Termaxian): 9984 (Level up at 14000)- Andy / Captain Book, Level 4 Specialist (Pirate): 9791 (Level up at 12000)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 5020 (Level up at 9000)*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 3 Fighter: 4838 (Level up at 8000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to attack! +backstory!
- James / Svolich, Level 2 Specialist (Fool)
*DECEASED*- James, Raaf van Held, Level 1 Fighter: 1564 (Level up at 2000)

Absent or Retired:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 4 Barbarian: 9770 (Level up at 16000)- Henry / Blue John Goujon, Level 3 Magic-User: 8746 (Level up at 9000)
- Kitty / 
POWERLAD!, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 8175 (Level up at 9000)
- Tom / 
Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- Charles / ZARAT, Level 3 Ratman: 4739 (Level up at 6000)

- James / Sergei, Level 1 Specialist (Poisoner): 632 (Level up at 1500)

- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

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