Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Session 51 - Nothin' But A Good Time

Escape! Finally you're out of that horrible hole in the ground.

You'd think Fungonius of all people would be wary of meddling with poison, particularly a poison where "all of its organic and inorganic molecules re-orient to become horrifically deadly to the living, semi-living, animate, and un-dead" as soon as it touches our dimension.
But alas. 
They didn't even mean to kill you, you know. They naively thought you were letting them out as promised.

For Leo and Liisa - your characters were saved! You owe Mariana/Aurora for that, she was the only one who thought to go save your bodies from the encroaching jaws of the giant.

For Oli - That giant wasn't even meant to be killable so good work doing the impossible. Lulu's new resistance to poison is super fitting! I'm sure Titus would be proud.

For Nimrod - Sorry for sorta forgetting you until the end there. At least you know where the pub is now!

For Hayley - So your first experience of the game was getting your nuts crushed against a wall and seeing a floppy giant's flaccid dong. WELCOME TO D&D.

For all - You know, every group I've run games for in this world has fucked it up somehow. This thing with the poison people emerging in a year might just be the terrible doom your group has unleashed!

Session 51 - Nothin' But A Good Time

Campaign date:
Wednesday, 10 September, 1549
Moon phase: Waning Crescent
Zodiac: Leo

New Characters:
- Lulu Spiderbite, revealed to be a religious flagellant with a surprisingly deep backstory entwining Titus DeCosta's heretofore unknown past, lost love, a controlling parent, and heartbreak. I hereby instate the Badass Backstory Bonus.
- Bob, a pressganged Dwarven sailor that suffers from severe seasickness. Escaped with only his sword and his spyglass.
- U, a mysterious monk said to be able to understand any language, yet unable to speak.

Enemies defeated:
- The horrible giant, shanked in the foot with a crossbow bolt that had been converted into an ultimate ur-toxin from the elemental plane of poison. Exploded in a virulent cloud of toxic doom. Lule Spiderbite did not look at the explosion. (3000 exp)
Total: 3000 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- A strange two-man mining machine that runs on fuels unknown. A variety of detachable tool heads available - breakerpick hammercore drillcut-off saw. If you can discover what it runs on it would be extremely useful for a mining operation.
- Several trilobite shields and suits of chainmail-equivalent trilobite armour (800 exp)
A quiver full of crossbow bolts so deadly that every inch of them is inimical to life itself. Even touching one with bare flesh means Save or Die. Hitting anything with one means they explode into a cloud of toxic horror, no save.
- Brought previously looted treasure to surface - silk, diamond-hearts, geode-eyes, heatproof ceramic.
Total: 800 exp

- Explored 4 new dungeon areas (80 exp)
Total: 80 exp

- The party begins in the room of the dead chemical ladies. Peggy Pigrider faints due to her player not being here, Leo remains unconscious, Aurora is woken up and heals herself. Bob the Dwarf and Lulu the Barbarian are awkwardly handwaved into the scene. (50 exp)
- A decoy is created by jamming Jack "Danger" Wilbur's corpse onto a spear. (50 exp)
- The room above is inspected, huge amorphous hand seen reaching in. (50 exp)
- Battle is joined! Horrific tortures involving fire and fingernails are enacted on the hand but it manages to crush Bob's groin against a wall. Despite a terrible cramping in the kidneys, Bob survives. (50 exp)
- The arrival of the other hand means everyone legs it back downwards. At least the decoy works -  a horrible munching sound is heard as the giant devours Jack's speared torso. (50 exp)
- The group descend, find a shitload of old, crumbly wood. Utilise few bits of sharp non-crumbly wood to create a big spiky thing on a stick. (50 exp)
- Giant's make-tube-with-hand-at-top-of-ladder-hole trick is discovered and the big spiky thing thrust into the middle. Giant clenches hand shut, hurts palm terribly. (50 exp)
- Team jump to other side of stalactite, find room filled with neat boxes containing parts for multi-purpose mining machines. John Doe the Unlucky immediately grasps implications for his inherited business. (50 exp)
- Room above contains a whole heap of different spiralling shells from tiny to gigantic. Include armour and shields formed from trilobite shells sized for humans, exoskeletal moultings of humans, and other weird shit (50 exp)
- Room above contains sealed glass cylinder containing three strange green gaseous people with faces like malachite. They cycle through languages until they find one you speak. (50 exp)
- Giant is seen to be worming its way into the room of the chemical women, Aurora quickly runs back to grab unconscious bodies of Leo and Peggy before they're eaten (50 exp)
- Various people talk to the green gas people. Their names are Sarin, Myco and Xyclon and they are tox-men from the elemental plane of poison. They want to get out of this glass cage. Lulu gives them all her crossbow bolts to be converted into super-toxins, in exchange she will grant them freedom. They promise that if someone opens the hatch they'll wait around for a year before leaving the dungeon. (50 exp)
- All that can be seen in the burnt cloth room is the giant's foot as it worms deeper. Lulu jumps across using her flagellant rope as an Indiana Jones whip, jams a toxic bolt right into its sole, runs back. (50 exp)
- The giant's foot quickly necrotises, bulges, explodes in a chunky cloud of green fumes. (50 exp)
- The party begins climbing the chains, but Fungonius stays behind to make the tox-men toxify his sword. Proper protocols are not followed and the tox-men are released, accidentally converting Fungonius' equipment and entire body to an explosive cloud of toxic death. Last words: "Shit" and/or "Ah Shroom". (50 exp)
- The tox-men awkwardly wave goodbye to the party climbing up the chains, saying that they'll see them in a year. (50 exp)
- The survivors leave the dungeon, speaking briefly with a little girl peeking down from above. Upon reaching the top, the little girl is revealed to have been a puppet made from a corpse. The puppeteer is unknown. (50 exp)
Total: 850 exp

- Antagonist Emancipator bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomacy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man behind bonus (50 exp)
- Nutshot bonus (50 exp)
- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)
- Split the party bonus (50 exp)
- Trapsetter bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- Why Did You Touch That bonus (50 exp)
- Overkilled the Giant (100 exp)
- Badass Backstory bonus (100 exp - Lulu Spiderbite)
- Lonely Death bonus (200 exp - Dominic's next character)
- Near Death Experience bonus (100 exp - Bob)
- Death's Witness bonus (100 exp - all who saw Fungonius explode)
Total: 650 exp + bonuses

Quests and Rumours:
- None down here.

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Fungonius, asked toxic beings from the elemental plane of poison to coat his blade in a poison so virulent that it can kill anything is touches, accidentally released said toxic beings and exploded in a cloud of poison so virulent it can kill everything it touches.

Exp Totals:
Oli / Lulu Spiderbite, Daughter of Lord Gorga, Level 2 Barbarian: 3990 (Level up at 4000)
Kyle / John Doe the Unlucky, Level 2 Dwarf: 3890 (Level up at 4400)
Mariana / Aurora, Level 3 Cleric: 3553 (Level up at 7000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 level 1 spell/day!
Hayley / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 1028 (Level up at 2200)
Nimrod / U, Level 1 Specialist (Monk): 828 (Level up at 1500)
Dominic / (Dominic's next character), Level 1 ???: 1028 (Level up at ???)
Peggy's retainers:
-- Mr Burg, Level 2 Fighter: 2842 (Level up at 4000)
-- Pig, Level 1 Porcine.
Dominic / Fungonius, Level 5 Cleric: 15788 (Level up at 28000) *Deceased*


Absent or Retired:
Renzo / (Renzo's next character), Level 2 ???: 3462 (Level up at ???)
Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 4 Dwarf: 16740 (Level up at 17600)
Leo / Leo, Level 3 Cleric: 6649 (Level up at 7000)
Clay / Svalborg, Level 2 Goblin: 2204 (Level up at 4000)
-- Tzani Spillios, Level 0 Scholar
Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 2204 (Level up at 3500)
Josh / Larry, Level 1 Elf (Galumfy Dotard): 383 (Level up at 3000)
Will / Calen, Level 1 Halfling: 1582 (Level up at 2000)
Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)
Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)
Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)
Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)
Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)
Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)
Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)
Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)
Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)
Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)
Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)
Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)
Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)
rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)
Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)
Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)
John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)
Dana / Bingo, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 1461(Level up at 2250)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

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