Session 400 (400!) - Dwarves vs Drudgespar!

Date: 4th March 1625

Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: The Lady

Returning Characters:

- Nines. Inheritor. Desperate to see what's going on up at the surface.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Reliably deadly.

- Manrat Snels. Ratman. Backstory increasingly complicated.

- Brie van der Hells. Necromancer. Only recently realised how reliant she is on reagents.

Events:

--- Preparations for an Ambush

- We rejoin our heroes in the not-yet-collapsed depths beneath the goblin capital of Drudgespar. The walls are unstable, made of the purple-veined black oozeblock that makes up the bulk of the city's infrastructure. They are in an old guardroom that was abandoned when the entrance fell in.
- The Underclock (as recently reconfigured) is close to ticking to a stop - goblin voices are closing in on the party. They can hear the patrol outside, questioning the (friendly after last session) goblin council over whether they've seen some "meatoids" around here. They overhear that this is a contingent of the Anti-Meatoid Coalition, here to expel non-vegetables from the area.
- A goblin with a sling peers past the collapsed front of the room as everyone hides behind various furniture and collapsed piles of oozeblock.
- Bulgur and Brie have had enough of this anti-flesh racism and approach the sling-wielder from both angles. Bulgur snaps its neck, Brie attempts to capture its Last Breath. Alas, it's not been alive long enough to have a soul.

- Bulgur spots another goblin climbing spider-style across the ceiling and silently murders it before it can even shriek a warning.

- The hobgoblin leader talking to the council leaves to continue the search, unconcerned with his missing minions because he can just grow more. The council didn't sell out the party! Wonderful!

--- Unexpected Invitation

- The party emerges from the old guardroom and asks the council about something they mentioned last time - where's this mysterious door where they've heard Dwarves come out of?

- The goblin Misanthrope is given as a guide. Despite the missing Zeppelino, on whose good word the party was relying to anchor their friendship with the goblins, Misanthrope takes them all to the corridor where wax-masked goblins (presumed Dwarves in diguise) are sometimes spotted.
- Brie casts Detect Bones and discovers that it doesn't pick up goblins due to their celery-esque bone analog. However it does pick up a bunch of husky Dwarf-like shapes below! But how to get there?

- Manrat has keen rat-senses and Nines knows the glyph that creates water, and between these two methods they find a cunningly hidden secret door! There's no obvious way in.
- Nines tries a Turn-Air glyph on the wall and, rather than simply vanishing the rock, it creates a transparent window into the secret room beyond. They can see stairs down and not much else.
- Luckily Nines has Backstory Bullshit and, summising that the group of Dwarves downstairs constitutes a social event, retroactively acquires an invite! In fact there's a Dwarf coming up to welcome them in now!

--- Mission Planning

- A Dwarf opens the secret door with a saviourbone disk he has around his neck. He invites in Nines and a plus one. However, a Backstory Bullshit romantic advance from Brie makes him reconsider, as does a Backstory Bullshit connection to Bulgur's feudal claims in the Meatlands. Guess everyone's coming! Except for the minions, they've got to head back up to the surface.

- Brie swipes the saviourbone disc during a romantic beardscratch. The Dwarf is smitten, and tells her his name is Heatless. Manrat recognises it as a rune name, marking the Dwarf as being from Ur-Jeizhek.

- They are led down to a presentation being given to a fair few Dwarves. All have glyph tattoos, fancy helmets, and vaguely slavic accents.

- The presentation is on the plans to destroy Drudgespar from below. To everyone's surprise (except, presumably, the absent Zeppelino), the anti-Dwarf prejudice was actually kinda true! They are indeed trying to undermine Drudgespar!

--- Lore Dump
- It transpires that the Dwarven Arcology of Ur-Jeizhek is down below Drudgespar, far below the steadily rising wastes. The city is built upon it in fact. After the Goblin Rebellions it was vengeful Ur-Jeizhek Dwarves who sabotaged the Pyramid System and created the Drudge Wastes.

- The plan? Destroy Drudgespar, reclaim Ur-Jeizhek, and finally repair the Pyramids to send the poison down to the core instead of up to the surface! Simple right?

- The key component of their city sabotage is Glass Tears - incredibly stress-resistant glass that shatters when its tail is broken. They've been putting these things in the bucket-like city wall over the years, using their Dwarven architectural prowess to find the exact weak points necessary to collapse a part of the wall that keeps the poison gas weather fronts out.
- Upon being told that the weather isn't quite that toxic these days (more of a slow destruction than an instakill), they aren't dissuaded. Better than nothing, right? If they can set the goblins into disarray, they can hopefully take back the city! And the collapse of that slice of the wall should shear straight down through the wastes, opening a direct route to Ur-Jeizhek below!

- In any case, the plan will go ahead in April when their "contacts" in the wastes stage an attack on Drudgespar. They're just waiting for the sign. And the Glass Tears are vulnerable to electricity...

- They discuss various Dwarven arcology breeding programs. Due to ancient unforgiveable sins, Dwarves are cursed to have a low female birthrate. Different arcologies have different methods to deal with this, from the misogynist hell of Ur-Darghab to the stone sons of Ur-Kalladh. Ur-Jeizhek Dwarves prefer to do it the old-fashioned way, which is why barely any of them have ever seen a woman, which is at least one reason why Heatless here is so easily wooed by Brie van der Hells.

--- Not Now, Brie!

- Brie is tired (and low on Mana) so asks Heatless to go to a private room with him. They do so... but Heatless has a little breakdown over his feelings, how he's secretly lonely, over his self-loathing over trying it on with a human.
- He cries himself to sleep, and she tries to sleep herself but NO DICE! The others barge into the room and hustle her out, no time for napping! Or for anything else for that matter!

- They have a whispered planning session outside that room. Nines wants to go back up and see what's been happening up in the city above. Manrat is obsessed with a throwaway line about a cursed Denialist cleric elsewhere in this level whose head is a flaming skull. The rest of the party lean towards finding charismatic-protestant Ghost Rider.

--- Manrat Insists on the Prior Existence of Ratfink Babylon

- They head back to the goblin council who are packing up. In exchange for helping them stack their chairs after their session, the goblins give the party directions to the lair of the Ghost Preacher, whose area is known for having no doors (they were stolen for the dormitories).
- They follow the directions and find them correct! Lovely! After a bit of walking around they reach a hall which contains screams. It's just sound effects, but it's very disconcerting.
- They also see, smoking a cigarette through his lipless mouth and surrounded by a flock of pigeons, a ratman in a duster and hat. He pushes himself up from the wall he was leaning on and approaches Manrat Snels, who he seems to have an interest in. He asks a few questions. What are you searching for? and such.
- He leaves, his pigeons flapping after him in a cloud, and disappears into the dark with a "my name? Ratfink Babylon".
- Manrat starts. His player has experienced a memory. This Ratfink guy has been seen before! Somewhere in the depths of Fortress-City Fate! You know? When I talked to the tentacle? Before we fought the wizard who merged with shub-niggurath? You remember right? There were dragons! You were there! You remember!

- The party gaslights Manrat because in-character this was a timeskip ago. "What are you talking about? There was no ratman here!". It was a great moment but you really had to be there!

--- Evidence of a Skull on Fire

- They continue on and come to the first of the doorless halls. Braziers are at shoulder-height to the average human, all unlit and unfueled, but scorch marks at a similar height imply the existence of the Ghost Preacher.
- Seems safe enough though, so they decide to cook up a quick meal!

- Brie is our chef today, and she cooks up "Three-Times Fried Kimchi-Stuffed Mushrooms" with plump helmet mushrooms, butter, and some kimchi they found. It's... pretty awful actually. Straight up badly cooked. Everyone pretends like it's pretty tasty while they pick burnt bits from their teeth when Brie's not looking.

Total: 8000 exp

Treasures Claimed:

- 2 Last Breaths

- Saviourbone Disc with Repel-Stone carved upon it (20 exp)

- Lore! Sweet sweet lore!

Total: 20 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- 2 Goblins (20 exp)

Total: 20 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer and furthermore Paymaster (300 exp/level)
- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the Quartermaster and Chef (200 exp/level)

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: 54127 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 46527 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 6 Ratman: 37176 (Level up at 56000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 5 Necromancer: 35360 (Level up at 36000)

###

Also check out this beautiful recap book that Carter got us!

Session 399 - Goblin Debate Club

Date: 25th February 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Pocked Face

Zenith Deity: Deusix

New Backstory:

- Manrat Snels was involved in numerous bank heists in the past. He'd fallen in with a gang of bank robbers, and only escaped when he was sent to join the "Bread Cult" and fell in with them instead! +2 to hit guards, soldiers, and other enforcers of the law.

Events:

--- The Setup

- We rejoin the party in and under Visco City, the fallen-in undercity below the goblin capital of Drudgespar. It is, to all but in name, a big old dungeon formed of purple-veined bricks and the collapsed remains of the shaky foundations of that great edifice.
- They are currently considering how to assault the very obviously animate but unmoving Gargoyles guarding a pile of old treasure they saw last session. Said Gargoyles are up a hand-operated lift that only takes two people at a time and raises them into the middle of the treasure room, whereupon they will fairly obviously be set upon by the stone guardians.
- What to do?

--- The Payoff

- Nines fucks about with glyphs, and discovers that the square runes (retcon alert) boost the energy of the resultant glyph at the cost of HP.

- Meanwhile Manrat brings up that he found this cool clockwork time-delay bomb recently. Why not just winch that bad boy up in the lift and blow the Gargoyles up before they even have a chance to fight?
- Sounds legit! They raise it up and... BOOM! The lift cracks and a cavalcade of coins tinkles down from above!
- There's also a golden goblet which Bulgur immediately picks up. The thing is, he can't put it down...
- Zeppelino helpfully takes it from him and is burned by the contact! Egads! He can't put it down either!
- Nines climbs up to the treasure room above and discovers a strange shield with an animated talking skull embedded in it which calls itself Guado. It whispers that the Gargoyles can only move when unseen.
- Nines passes this info down, and everyone positions themselves so they've got a wiiide angle gaze on these monsters. They ready their ranged attacks. Nines hoovers up the treasure into his skin, converting the silver into demonic tattoo Obols.
- Alas, when hit, a Gargoyle just... vanishes! It reappears out of eyelines and attacks in a blur!
- Another is hit at the same time and the two Gargoyles attack the unsuspecting adventurers from behind! Brie's minions take the brunt of the Gargoyle attack, her skeleton shattering into bones!

--- Like, Let's Get Outta Here Scoob!
- Nines evacuates, leaping down from above into Bulgur's (strong, gentle) arms! They scarper with the others, shuffling backwards at speed so they keep the monsters in their line of sight.
- Brie van der Hells, resident Necromancer, seals the room as the party escape with her Link Portals spell! The doors within link up, ensuring those who enter a door exit from another door in the same room!
- They put a few rooms between them and take a breather in a room supported by a single pillar carved to look like Apocalypse Dragon Ninhursag. Nines questions the shield Guado, who says he fell down here after a museum collapsed. He's been in that Gargoyle hoard for a while. Zeppelino offers to carry him around.
- There's man-sized lizard tracks here (probably those lizard-goblins from before), and Zeppelino shins up the pillar to see if there's anything cool up there. To his delight, gems! Some of the carved dragonscales are emeralds, mostly up the top which is out of reach of the average person.

--- Tasty Treats!

- They head further away from the Gargoyles and hear, in one direction, some arguing voices. Zeppelino figures these to be the hated Dwarfs who are trying to undermine the city! Everyone else reckons it's goblins.
- Just then, a flood of snakes surges through the area! Free food, one might think! Manrat takes a nasty bite from a snake and gains a bunch of Bleed Poison. There are some embarrassing attempts to heal him via First Aid until they just give him a healing potion and a stale bread roll until he feels better.
- They cautiously approach the direction of the arguing voices, checking doors as they go.
- The first one they find opens into an old chapel. It's a Nonanist chapel, with the classic nine-ways rotating altar, and so the resident Nonanists set it to this weeks' God - once Eris, now Deusix.
- Bulgur supplicates himself and gains the blessing of (roll, roll) Hagan! Lord of Lore, Bearer of the word Faith! Rolls of 5 on a d6 shalt be blessed by his holy power!
- Zeppelino loots some communion wafers and low-alcohol wine.

--- Drunk Goblins

- The next door opens to reveal... several goblins drinking from an old keg! They seem furtive and embarrassed to be found out, and welcome the party in so long as they don't rat them out to their war criminal Hobgoblin masters.
- They say that their rot-farms in the area have been overwhelmed by the rising gunge of the sinking undercity, and so their masters are debating next steps in a nearby hall.
- There is also, to the delight of several, mushroom rations in the crates, along with a jar of dried basil. Good for recipes!

--- The Debaters

- The party head round the corner towards the still-arguing voices. It's a council of Hobgoblins, as promised! They are sat around a U-shaped arrangement of tables in the classic style, neutral speaker at the head, debating whether they move up or shore up. The Move-Uppers want to relocate to a higher tier of the undercity. The Shore-Uppers want to fortify this level and avoid the move for now.
- Zeppelino takes the lead and in a rousing speech persuades them that their debate with each other is foolish - the true enemy is the Dwarves whose undermining of the city makes this debate necessary in the first place! No Dwarves, no sinking! Nobody has to move up or shore up if the Dwarves are defeated!

- There's a rumour that a secret door to the north will open when exposed to Saviourbone. One of the Hobgoblins, name of Slimy Boi, offers to show them the way.
- There's also a collapsed pile of rubble nearby, which collapsed relatively recently according to the goblins here. Nines, always stoked to test out runes, helps clear the way with antigravity rune-work. There is, beyond, hissing.

--- Last Gasps of the Asps

- It's an old, abandoned guardroom. There's a bookshelf at the back. Everyone is VERY interested in that bookshelf!
- Nines, presuming that the hissing is more goddamn snakes, mutates and wafts out a burst of Pain Poison spores from his mushroom-head mutation. Luckily he's right! The hissing stops.
- The others move in once the spores have calmed down, finding some knocked-out asps lying around the place which they duly kill for food.

- They raid the bookshelf and find a few books and a deck of cards! Very cool!

---Traditional Cooking Minigame

- We're coming up to kicking-out time, so Zeppelino takes the lead in the relative safety of the goblin council area to cook up a tasty meal.
- He calls it Danger Noodles. A mix of the recently-slain Asps, (human) bone broth, and stale bread. To my great surprise, it's delicious!
- They also take the opportunity to read some books over dinner. Discoveries include that Roman Ruins lie beneath Drudgespar, the relationship between Middle and North Loegria is fraught but stable but contains no Red Elves (at time of publishing) and, to Nines' chagrin, that the Earth has only three living Apocalypse Dragons upon it.

- With the Underclock about to tick over to an ambush, we end the session here!

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures Claimed:

- 8000 silver (8000 exp)

- Guado the Living Shield
- 10 scale-shaped emeralds (500 exp)

- Book #349 - POWERLAD: Naughty in the North (50 exp)
- Book #255 - Decorative Arts (50 exp)

- Book #162 - Ancient Rome (50 exp)

- Book #352 - POWERLAD: Smitten at Sea (50 exp)

- Book #233 - Fiefdoms of Middle Loegria (50 exp)

- Book #410 - How to Cook Humans (50 exp)

Total: 8800 exp

Foes Defeated

- Quite a few relatively innocent snakes (40 exp)
Total: 40 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
- Charles the Paymaster and Chef (200 exp/level)
- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp/level)
- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: 50317 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 43917 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 6 Ratman: 34566 (Level up at 56000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 5 Necromancer: 32350 (Level up at 36000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 27953 (Level up at 32000)

Session 398 - Loot? Awww I Wanted Food!

Date: 18th February 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face

Zenith Deity: The Allfather

New Characters:

- Korgar the Barbarian, a drug dealer who was selling wraps of Notcoke to the lizardified Goblins under Visco City.

Returning Characters:

- Brie van der Hells. Necromancer. Brought Korgar into proceedings.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Contemplating recklessness.
- Manrat Snels. Ratman. Always has something to add to the cooking pot.

- Nines. Inheritor. Obsessed with these mysterious square runes.

- Nostradama. Nonanist Cleric. Still yet to call forth a miracle.
- Zeppelino. Goblin. Genuine fear of getting steamed and eaten.

Events:

 

--- You Wake Up in a Dungeon (Benign Version)

- The party awaken after a nice nap amongst their new friends the Goblizards. They are, of course, part-goblin part-lizard people who proclaim that their lizardliness comes from the Lizard Wizard who lives in the mud hut further in.

- They are all, of course, in a dungeon. It's in and/or under Visco City, the deepest level of the ever-rising Goblin capital of Drudgespar. The black and purple-veined ooze-bricks are under great strain from the weight of the city above and wasteland gunk plops and bubbles in from the cracks. This place will inevitably collapse one day, but until then people still live down here.

- Nines, the party's resident monster-eating Inheritor, is obsessively trying out combination of runes. He's recently discovered that runes can be drawn four-sided for a weaker impact, a sort of proto-rune developed before the invention of circles. He finds a combination that creates illusory fire.

--- The Lizard Wizard

- Zeppelino, meanwhile, wants to meet this Lizard Wizard. He's a Goblin so maybe he can get lizardified!
- The wizard's mud hut is more of a steam room. Zeppelino feels his vegetable-flesh becoming nice and tender like a steamed broccoli stalk. It scares him. Why does everyone want to eat him?
- The Lizard Wizard is extremely nude, introduces himself as Gharial and says the steam tenderises goblin flesh and makes it easier for the snake DNA to transform them. Zeppelino sends a goblin minion, Espresso, to get lizardified. It does not go well.
- He also directs the party towards the half-dwarf half-dragon High Priest of the Neo-Ninhursag religion further in. To be fair I had forgotten about this guy, but he was apparently established last session!

--- Korgar Tests His Luck

- The others head for the dragon-dwarf High Priest while Korgar tries to surreptitiously rifle through the pockets of the Lizard Wizard which is hanging outside the steam room. It doesn't work. He has to buy off witnesses with some of his Notcoke. However, for his troubles, he does find a map of the local area.

--- The High Priest

- The rest have reached the High Priest and discover that it is indeed an elemental dragon! The core that sustains it, once a huge chunk of elemental crystal, has boiled away over the years to reveal the body of the Dwarf who once apotheosised. The Dwarf's arms and legs dangle limply from within the remaining core, yet when the dragon-priest speaks it is the Dwarf's mouth that moves.
- The beast priest gives a sermon on the power of Ninhursag, of the betrayal that slayed the great Apocalypse Dragon, of the way that the power of belief will allow it to be reborn. To the dismay of the resident Nonanists, not least Nostradama, both Nines and Brie van der Hells find themselves so moved by the sermon that they convert on the spot!
- The consequence of their faith? The ability to use the Earth rune at any time, at the cost of promising never to heal via unnatural means.
- Brie sees that there is a private mud-bath in the chamber beyond. She asks if she can use it, and after a bit of wrangling (largely by promising to bring the priest extra dragon core shards) she's allowed to use it. It's too hot, but Brie uses a Beam-Cold rune to cool it down enough to get in. Very nice!

--- Korgar Tests His Luck, Nearly Fatally

- Bulgur has wondered off to find something to kill. He comes across the public mud-bath, real onsen vibes. Some Goblin-Lizards are even soaking themselves as we speak!

- He tests the mud. Fine quality. Good for crops. Good for skin.
- Korgar grabs some mud and works it into balls. He doesn't have a weapon, so this is the best he's got.
- He then heads into the nearby sleeping chamber, hoping to nick stuff. There are several sleeping lizard-goblins in here. One of them has a very tempting silver necklace with a cool dragon head design...
- His hand reaches for the necklace and.. SNAP! The goblin jerks awake and savages Korgar's shoulder with its great tearing teeth! So much for stealth!
- Korgar tears his shoulder out from between the goblin's jaws and staggers away, bleeding, heading straight for the healing mud-bath, pursued by recently awakened and very angry goblizards!
- The blood loss is too much. The bleeding Barbarian staggers, falls, and slides to a stop right at the edge of the mud pool. Brie, surprised and delighted, takes the silver necklace as tribute. She slides back into the mud, relaxed.

--- Social Shenanigans

- It's a real chaotic scene! Brie is wearing that one guy's precious necklace. Korgar is bleeding to death on the floor, being healed by Nostradama while being stabbed at by angry goblin-lizards. Bulgur is emerging from the mud where, due to a backstory bonus, he has been hiding this whole time.
- Bulgur gets between Korgar and the goblins! With a mighty wrestle, he hefts one of the goblins into the mud!

- Somehow even more confusingly, Nostradama starts singing an ode.
- Everyone is so confused that they all stop and reconsider what's going on. Especially when the High Priest turns up and angrily demands an explanation!

- The conclusion eventually, is that there's clearly been a big misunderstanding. As a result the party can leave peacefully, but they are strongly encouraged never to return. Bulgur bullies the lizard-goblin into buying back his necklace at a discount. They decide to leave via a different route to the one they entered through.

--- Fresh Fresh Water

- It's back to dungeon delve mode for our heroes. Leaving the lizard-goblins behind, they traverse through corridors built through the crumbling and creaking undercity.
- Behind a door they find... a well! It's good clear water, albeit it has the soapy taste of a mild alkaline, and the buckets around here make it obvious that this is where the Goblizards go to refresh themselves.
- Nines decides to rune up and dive in. His combo rune of Make-Air with a side of Make-Light works perfectly. It's not accidentally Make-Magma, to the disappointment of some.

- The light is inside his mouth though, so he has to open his mouth to see. Those above, looking down into the bubbling water, see flashes of light, flashes of light, flashes, flashes, then... no flashes.
- Nines, down below, has been grabbed by something slimy and choking! It's crushing his arm, and his concentration on the air rune has been broken! Now it's got his leg! And his other arm!
- He escapes by using his Inheritor powers to take the form of a previously devoured being - a snake! Can't grab legs and arms when you don't have any!
- Snake!Nines blasts out of the well in a beautiful arc, to the shock of those above. He animorphs back into human form (with the snakeskin artfully becoming his snake-leather jacket) and warns the others to get back! There's a slimy kelp monster down there! But it's not a kelpie per se, because as far as he could tell it's not a horse.

--- Underwater Grenade

- There's a kelp monster down there. Nines wants to eat it. They concoct a plan.
- Brie conjures a Meat Slave out of a piece of greying meat she's been keeping in her pocket. It's going to be used as bait. It takes the bait!
- Everyone but Nines helps on the fishing rod, it's strong!
- Nines, meanwhile, shocks the surface of the water with a Beam-Lightning rune. The kelp creature releases the Meat Slave bait, but it's not going to kill it.
- Brie floats the idea of dropping a grenade down there because she heard about pressure waves in the bardic equivalent of a youtube video. Good thing they've got a clockwork bomb!
- It works! Albeit all the water in the well explodes out of it. Scraps of kelp at the bottom are enough for Nines to digest the creature's slimy wrestling ability, but the bulk of the monster is deeper in. The walls of the well are unstable, but Nines uses the ground-stabilising ability he ate from an Ennui Ent to keep it from collapsing as he gathers the kelp.
- Alas, there's not enough of it to make sushi. Nines has eaten it all.

--- Stupid Inedible Treasure

- We're coming up to the end of the session, and traditionally this is when people decide to cook a meal.
- Alas, there's not that much food in everyone's pockets. The next room is a pillared hall with the dessicated and potato-rotten corpses of a bunch of goblins, their dead flesh is like veggies left at the back of your crisping drawer. Not super appetising.
- Zeppelino decides to push his luck and see if he can find something to eat. Nines and Brie join him.
- The others check out a nearby room and discover an abandoned guardpost. Clearly the guards here are amongst the dead outside. There are some crossbows though! It's also very defensible and has murderholes that look out on the pillared chamber.
- They use dessicated goblin as firewood and put a pot on to boil while Zeppelino, Brie and Nines find a mysterious room with rattling chains running between holes in the ceiling and holes in the floor. Brie tries pulling the chains and... wow! A two-person dumbwaiter lift thing drops down in the next room!

- Nines and Zeppelino head up while Brie pulls the chains to raise them up. They emerge into a secret room! Four stone gargoyles on pedestals surround the lift, but behind them there are piles of silver, golden goblets, gems, and all sorts!

- Zeppelino looks it all over with dismay. He wanted something to eat!
- The suspiciously not-moving-at-all gargoyles spook the both of them, especially when one (in the flickering torchlight) seems to give a "don't try it" kind of head shake. They stamp on the lift until Brie lowers them back down.

--- A Meagre Feast

- With nothing to show for it but mere knowledge of a treasure hoard, they return to the rest of the party to find that cooking is well underway!
- It's Mushroom & Potato Soup w/ Croutons, crafted from a single large mushroom, stale bread croutons, a lump of butter, and fresh goblinflesh supplied by a sobbing Zeppelino. One of his minions mysteriously died after contact with Nines, nobody could have foreseen this.
- With all the various bonuses, it's delicious! Everyone slurps down the soup, unheeding of the potential consequences of eating Goblin flesh. On the plus side, everyone gets a boost to Sleight of Hand tomorrow!

Total: 11000 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- Several Lizard-Goblins (200 exp)
- A Kelp Monster (100 exp)

Total: 300 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)

- Ollie the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
- Matthew the Paymaster (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)
- Charles the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: 45549 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 39749 (Level up at 64000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 5 Necromancer: 28282 (Level up at 36000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 23385 (Level up at 32000)

- Zoe / Nostradama, Level 4 Cleric of Nonanism: 11527 (Level up at 18000)

- Matthew / Korgar the Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1984 (Level up at 2000)

Session 397 - I'm Stiiiill in a Dreeeam... Snake Eaaaterrrr

Date: 4th February 1625

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Alaunus

Returning Characters:

- Brie van der Hells. Necromancer. Riding on a zombie.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Slayer of rat tails.
- Manrat Snels. Ratman. Can squeeze through tiny spaces.

- Nines. Inheritor. Experimentally focussed.

New Backstory:

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar is, and continues to be, a member of the landed gentry of the Wheatlands. Can find society contact in any city.

- Nines wasn't invited to a marvellous feast, but he turned up anyway disguised as a guest he'd devoured earlier. You can generally get yourself an invite to society events.

- Brie van der Hells was at a hot yoga class being run by Jojo Fullbeard and they ended up fighting!! +2 Strength

Events:

--- Next Time Baby

- Down in Visco City, the "real city" upon by the endlessly-ascending Goblin capital of Drudgespar, there is an ominous fizzing rumbling. The purple-veined black brick of the walls shivers with static.
- It sounds like some sort of exciting timeline event, so they anxiously ask around.
- Goblins tell them that every six months or so, the great blue Apocalypse Dragon approaches close enough for the winged goblins who ride him to attempt an attack on Drudgespar.
- Nines is super excited and fired up a Make-Light rune. It's super bright! Must be because the dragon is close! He starts considering creating some sort of magnetic slingshot that will propel the party up to the Skirts at the rim of Drudgespar.
- Alas for him, the others decide that it can wait. The mysterious clanging they heard deeper in the rat cave is more interesting.

--- Why Did It Have to be Snakes?

- They go back down into the sort of warehouse below the market where they recently fought sludgy rat monsters, and go towards the deep clanging. It's coming from beyond collapsed stone and brickwork... the gaps too small for a man to fit through.
- But Manrat is no mere man! He's a Manrat man! His body shimmies through holes as small as a human head, and he wriggles through.
- Beyond, brass snake heads on pillars. A big Newtons' Cradle type thing is clacking back and forth, hitting the brass and making the clanging sound! The floor is... snakes! Loads of snakes! And the walls, pigeonholes with snakes in them! Snakes!
- Manrat punches himself in the face to make his magic Coward's Shield teleport him back out of there!

--- Runes Glorious Runes

- They clear the blockage enough for everyone to get through and enter the snake chamber.
- Bulgur bravely strides forth and... the snakes are fine! Completely non-hostile.
- There are lots of Earth runes drawn about the place... and even... some in a diamond shape rather than a circle! How strange!
- Brie stops the balls from banging, and suddenly the snakes rear up! Oh no! She jumps up onto her zombie's back and commands it to use its brain-powered Fast Zombie mode and get them out of there!
- They exit, pursued by snakes.
- Nines is fascinated by the diamond runes and tries to use it. It doesn't work (dragon's dead innit) but there's a spark of something there. He restarts the newtons cradle too, pacifying the angry snakes.

--- Flies, you Fools

- In the next area, Brie breathes a sigh of relief as the snakes go back to being passive and start slithering back to the gong room.
- She surveys the room. There are piles of corpses in the corners and footprints like a lizard person or something. There are also huge big flies coming out of the the piles with big sharp mandibles!

- Brie and her zombie square up, but the flies only want live flesh! The zombie gets in the way, nobly getting monched to shreds by the huge pincers.
- Brie uses the distraction to cast Charnel Guise and appear as a skeleton. It totally works!

- Bulgur runs in and sees... oh no! Brie got skeletonised! In a mad rage Bulgur attacks the flies, followed by Manrat with his swarms (who fumbles, throws his sword, and hits another fly! Phew). Nines aims his rifle from behind.
- Nines shot goes off and BOOM! It's a massive gambit attack! He blasts two of the flies with one bullet, and then ONE MORE! Bulgur joins in and manages to golf-swing the shot into a third fly, which is nearly instakilled!
- Bulgur lands, turns on his heel, and cuts the last one in half!
- The last fly is brave. It is strong. It is being nibbled by a rat and bitten by a manrat and is finally killed by a skellington with a dagger. It is dead. The skellington turns back into Brie, to Bulgur's surprise and delight!

--- Histories and Mysteries

- They loot the room and peruse the murals on the walls as they do so. It's the history of Ninhursag (RIP) before the End War. The worship of the beautiful big green beast. Daubed over it is the more recent history, of Ninhursag's betrayal and death at the hands of the vicious POWERLAD and the depowering of the Earth Rune bound to the dragon. A sad story.
- The bodies in the piles are an integration of scaly lizardflesh and potatoey goblinflesh. Not a patchwork, more like they've grown together, goblins made lizardy. Amongst the dead they find a Clockwork Mine, a vial of Holy Water, a rationsworth of Mushrooms.
- Brie whips up some fresh Dead - a zombie and a skeleton, goblin-sized.

--- Training Area

- Listening and sniffing around, the party smell straw from one direction and voices from the others, so they go for the straw smell. It's a training area. Improvised weapons and straw dummies. All a bit worse for wear, but fine enough.
- Smacking a dummy makes a hidden torc tinkle to the ground! It's got Ninhursag heads on each end, and shivers with runic potential.

--- Lizard Wizard

- They head back and towards the deeper voices, coming to a barricade. Behind are lizard people with goblin voices! Seeing that the party are neither Dwarfs nor Goblins, they are willing to engage in polite banter. They've been defending this area since the death of Ninhursag, you see, when the earth rune's demise meant their enemies thought they would be weak.
- They also meet Gharial the Lizard Wizard! A strange guy who has been sucking the lizardness out of lizards and snakes and pushing it into the goblins. They hope that if they're lizardy enough, Ninhursag will return!
- They are offered a book about POWERLAD, who according to the book is both a wonderful guy and extremely horny at all times. They're interesting, and check it out.

- Nines and Brie consider converting to Ninhursagian (tbd), so in the meantime their new lizard-goblins allow them to stay and cook food as long as they're ok with sharing.

- It's a "Snamburger", a burger made with Lizard, Snake, Mushroom, Bread, Butter. Not that great, but will give a bonus to Fleeing rolls tomorrow. Could come in handy!

Total: 8000 exp

Treasures Taken:

- Clockwork Mine

- Vial of Holy Water

- Ration of Mushrooms (1 exp)
- Silver Torc allows earthbending (80sp)

Total: 81 exp

Foes Defeated:
- A load of snakes, technically (10 exp)
- Some giant carnivorous flies (200 exp)

Total: 210 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Quartermaster (200 exp/level)

- George the Expedition Leader, Cartographer, and Chef (300 exp/level)
- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: 42465 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 37265 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 6 Ratman: 30398 (Level up at 56000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! Max Rats: 36! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 5 Necromancer: 25898 (Level up at 36000)

Session 396 - Rats in the Basement

 Date: 28th January 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Alaunus

Returning Characters:

- Brie van der Hells. Necromancer. Surprised to find her party at an actual party.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. On a comedown.
- Manrat Snels. Ratman. Recently looted the chillout room.

- Nines. Inheritor. Quietly cloning the dead.

Events:

--- You Wake Up at a Rave

- It's the chillout room in the Visco City club, and our partied-out party are emerging from the post-party funk. Bulgur confessed that he wasn't a real king last night, but Manrat disagrees and swears fealty. It's very sweet!
- Manrat and Brie are once more emotionally entangled due to his insistence that he and Brie share a mother. Saves affect both. Bulgur and Nines, meanwhile, need some space. +1 to rolls when the other is far, but not out of sight.

- They leave the chillout room and pass through the 24 hour rave to the club entrance. They get stamps on their wrists, and their weapons back.

--- Shopping and Fortunes

- They leave into the torchlit light of debatable dawn - it's hard to tell underground.
- The shopping district is here, past the deep slime puddle that contains the goop goblin now dubbed Sloppy Giuseppe.

- The Goblin Market is a sort of popup market with a load of shops. Manrat and Brie see a soothsayer and stop in for fortunes - "A Stray Quail Will Bring Hungry Dogs" and "A Red Eye Will Go Blind" respectively. Hmmm.

- Brie finds a Jade Merchant and buys a comically oversized greatsword made of jade! It's fragile, but looks so cool that it adds to Reaction checks.
- Nines finds a snake merchant and buys a venomous snake that he intends to milk for his mushroom head. Indeed. Bulgur buys a fried boa constrictor as a snack. In it's belly... a quail!

- Manrat, who is at the rat-infested-basement weapons shop they heard of from a rumour, throws the quail down the stairs. Indeed, hungry dogs are attracted! The prophecy was true!

--- Gravity Rats

- They send the nasty fox in (previously gained from a pumpkin patch) and hear YOWLS AND GROWLS! Is the fox dead?!
- Manrat investigates to find a dark slimy room and the fox, who has multiple stab wounds! The door hangs off its hinges, and rats swarm on the ceiling. He sends a rat of his own up there, and about halfway up the gravity inverts and the rat treats the ceiling as the floor! How mysterious! The other rats run off.
- The room itself is one large shared warehouse for all the shops upstairs. Ladders (rope or metal) hang from beside trapdoors above.
- Brie strokes the fox one last time and snaps its neck, collecting the Last Breath. She also takes the tail and adds it to the hilt of her jade greatsword, so cool!
- Manrat crawls up the wall and discovers that he, too, sticks to the ceiling! He's rat enough to stick! He hears the rats whispering from their upside-down dens... an enemy is coming.

--- Rat Tails

- Bulgur enters and is attacked! It's some sort of huge worm holding a dagger! It stabs at him while something grabs his legs from the darkness.
- He breaks free and smashes the worm. It's actually a rat tail! Holding a dagger! The black slime rat-shape connected to the tail collapses, but the tail continues to writhe. 

- Brie sucks in a Last Breath and sends her skeleton and (fast) zombie to attack! They tear at it, then Nines leaps onto the table and kills it with a weapon polish based firebomb.

- It becomes evident that the real creature is the tail, and the rat is merely some sort of slimy simulacrum of a rat!

--- More of Them are Coming

- There's more to this place. Visco City is itself built on the city that came before, building upwards to escape from the ooze. The collapsed streets form tangled networks of psuedo-tunnels, several of which lead away from this shored-up warehouse.
- Manrat, on the ceiling, picks a direction and crawls. In the wide-necked tunnel he spots more of the rat-tail-things. He shoots one, hitting the tail, which writhes in pain while the rat-shaped ooze body doesn't even react. They scurry into the warehouse to attack!

- Nines, near the soothsayer's section of the warehouse, finds a jar of prophecies and throws it, wracking the rats with futures!
- Brie forms a flesh minion from the much-abused corpse of the fox and sends it into battle too.
- Manrat throws his electro-bomb and Nines activates two of the prophecies - "Something Blue Will Harm You" and "Follow the Crow to Find the Way". The electricity is blue. The Crow is an oblique reference to the afterlife. The rat-tails swarm towards the electricity and ZAP! Almost all die!
- The last one flees, but with a single heft of his spear Bulgur nails it in the tail! It dies!

--- Ooze Test

- They check out this black ooze that's been coating the floor, from which the rat bodies of the tails was formed.
- It phases through living material, but clings to the inanimate. Very odd.
- Nines uses his ground-firming abilities to firm up the surface of the ooze, making it sticky but walkable. Live rats bubble up from beneath, now standing on this terra firma-ish surface.

--- Alas, Meat Minion

- Brie scouts ahead with the meat minion, and as with the fox before this doesn't go super well. They hear a meaty "oh no" and the shlorping sounds of rat-tails slithering.

- One of Manrat's rats, scouting separately, reports that the Meat Minion is under attack from dagger-wielding rat-tails who live up on a sort of shelf of collapsed undercity.
- Nines sneaks in and uses his massive mushroom head to spray poison into the room, then runs off. Behind, the rat-tails are terribly weakened.

--- Looter Shooter

- Manrat and Brie, meanwhile, have looted the warehouse. Manrat grabs a ball filled with iron filings that points north, Brie finds a rainbow bomb.
- They run back in to GLORIOUS BATTLE! The poison has weakened the rat-tails, making them (amongst other things) far more susceptible to Gambits!
- Carnage ensues. Bulgur charges up the incline, slicing back and forth with his spear. Brie does the same, but breaks her new jade greatsword (better for showing off than killing, alas).
- Nines hits a rat-tail with another, smashing them into each other.
- Brie kills the last one with a knife. The rat tail dies, and the slime-body tries to run away before collapsing into goo.
- Nines takes his sword and coats it in ferrofluid from a nearby stream of the stuff. It's really cool.

--- "What the Hell's Going On Down There?"

- Some Goblins ask this, poking their heads down through a trapdoor.

- Upon discovering that the "rats" have been killed, there is much rejoicing! The merchants can access their stuff again!
- Various things are gifted and traded, including a new jade greatsword for Brie (who had been taking the jadesmith to task for the poor quality). She also has her rainbow bomb identified - it reverses meatoid sexuality within 50'! Useful! (?)
- Further along the rat-tail den, Bulgur and Manrat are approaching the end. There's a boiling nest of rat-tails... next to a pile of shiny stuff! Hexagonal holes appear on the necks of the ooze rats.
- Manrat assumes they're adapting, like the Red Elves, and presents his Martian Bible.
- In voices copied from others, one of the rats speaks! It's willing to trade this treasure... for the sweet Red Cream.
- Done deal, Manrat trades it in, and the rat-tails scurry off through smaller holes and away.

--- Loot!

- The shiny treasure is, in fact, shiny treasure! silver coins, pouches of gems, all the rest!

- Everything is pocketed and shared.

--- Ominous

- They turn back and consider what to do next. Deeper in? Or leave this place?
- From deeper in, they hear an ominous clanking.
- Back towards the market, worried murmering and deep thumps from above...

Total: 12000 exp

Treasures Taken:

- Spherical Compass
- Gay Bomb

- 2 Crates full of Rare Spices (2500 exp)

- Barrel of Lubricating Oil

- Satchel of Unrefined Gold Ore (500 exp)

- 976 silver (976 exp)
- 4 pouches of saffron (3000 exp)
- 3 large Lapis Lazuli (900 exp)

- 5 glimmering Quartz (250 exp)
Total: 8126 exp

Enemies Trounced:

- A load of Rat-Tail ooze monsters (500 exp)

Total: 500 exp

OOC:

- Kitty the Chronicler and Paymaster (200 exp/level)

- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the "Cartman" and "Rolly Guy" (200 exp/level)

Totals:
- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: 39192 (Level up at 72000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Meat Point! +1 Mutation Limit! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 34592 (Level up at 64000)
Level Up! +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +Barbarian Power! +1 Rage Attack! +Backstory!

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 26825 (Level up at 28000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 5 Necromancer: 23825 (Level up at 36000)
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +Free Spell! +1 Mana! +Backstory!

Session 395 - Sustainably Sourced GMO Wheat Goblins

 Date: 21st January 1625

Moon Phase: Third Quarter

Moon Face: Dragon-Faced Moon

Zenith Deity: The Scorned

Business Updates:

- Zeppelino's Genuine Milk has franchised! There's now an outlet in Drudgespar!

- Nines' Doomsday Loans business has collapsed due to an aggressive buyout from Julgoor! Return to claim half the stake.

- Nines' Goblin Munitions has hit an early rocky patch but remains steady. Risk is increased (possibly due to the dangerous nature of the bombs).

Events:

--- Meat-Faced Goblin Rumours

- Between sessions, Bulgur has managed to bully the party's way into a Goblin's house for the evening. He promises that they'll cook food and tell stories of the world outside Drudgespar!

- The Goblin himself has a big scar down his face that has been fixed with meat, giving him quite a hideous look. The result of an industrial accident with an Oozeblock Machine and a emergency Meat Mage magic. He's nice enough though!

- During the evening meal he tells them rumours he's heard:

> Marduk the great blue dragon roams the Wastes with a goblin city on his back, every week he warps to a random pylon and drains its energy!
> Anyone up for a classic rats in the basement quest? My shop in Visco City was overrun by the fucking things. Outsized reward to anyone who can wipe out a bunch of rats, I'm talking permanent food and board, 6000 obols on completion, and maybe an extra questline to follow! They're big mind, big and meaty, and they kept copying my voice!
> There's a place Drowntown that never had a final party, yet people keep seeing people heading in there? Might be a drug den?
> Dissident wheat-loving Goblin Buddies have seized an old growhouse Drowntown and are growing wheat-based goblins!!!

--- Dark Descent

- Drowntown? Visco City? These must be deeper parts of Drudgespar!

- Bulgur is instantly seized by the need to check out these alleged Wheat Goblins, so the party decides to go down... down into Drowntown.
- On the way they see some other shops, including a hat shop and a potion seller! They also find a warehouse that will stable horses and wagons for a fee, which they duly accept.

- They also discover that there's basically a Julgoor shop at every corner in the Buildup. The greed demon is doing well! The shopkeeper-Julgoor is usually a Goblin, but in the darkness behind is an ominous writhing...
- They find a way down (they're not signposted, but easily found) to Drowntown and descend. As the gunge rises it takes over the buildings, forcing the Goblins to build upwards and forming the relatively gunge-free Buildup - the main city.
- Drowntown is on the edge of this transformation - slippery gunge puddles on the floor, and light from above is blocked out by the rising city. It's a place of parties as people give a final farewell to their old homes, and a place of industry as the ever-pumping Oozeblock Machines transform the rising ooze into the purple-veined black bricks that build the walls of this place.

- While they're searching for the Wheat Goblin location, they witness a minor disaster! Gunge breaches through a retaining wall and drowns a street in thigh-height gunk. Unsuspecting goblins are caught in the flow and drown in the tar. It's a fact of life down here, and since the Bud-Goblins are easily replaceable it's no big tragedy.

--- At the Sign of the Wheatsheaf

- After navigating switchbacks, collapsed streets, and asking for directions more times than strictly necessary, they find their way to a collapsing warehouse. There are sheafs of wheat - real wheat! - flanking the main doors, although a couple of other entrances have fallen in as the warehouse succumbed to the rising black goop.

- Bulgur marches straight through the front door and declares himself their King! In front of him is a barricade of wheat bushels and armed goblins!
- The inside of the warehouse is a mess - channels have been dug through the rising goop, but it's clear that this won't last.
- The goblins seem confused... they already have a king!
- Meanwhile Nines is making his way onto the roof. All the struts and scaffolding that support the Buildup above make it easy, but noisy.

- A goblin approaches but mocks at the idea of a "meatoid" being a King of Goblins. Bulgur grabs him by the neck and flings him over the barricade!

--- Nines Prepares to Assassinate Another Local Community Leader

- Above, Nines has found a massive collapse in the roof. He's looking down at a proper field of wheat, supplied by real water. Pale yellow wheat-coloured Goblins, wheat literally growing up their spines, are tending to the crops. The wheat grows thicker with their tread. It looks like it's really working! He even sees a giant "Wheatsel", a sort of wheat-topiary in the shape of a huge weasel, being led through the fields.
- He screws together his flintlock sniper rifle - it's a perfect sniper perch. Below, he sees Bulgur rush in and demand to see the enemy king! He also sees the Wheatsel released from its chains. It bounds towards Bulgur!

- Nines sights down the gun. He could fire... but he could also save the element of surprise for the Wheat King when he arrives...
- It's no real issue. Bulgur absolutely destroys the Wheatsel with a single blow from the Pumpkinhead Axe!
- The Wheat-Goblins fall to their knees. This was foretold! The Reaper King is here!

--- The Lair of the Wheat King

- The King is not forthcoming, so Bulgur decides to do it himself.
- He strides forth, a cowed wheat goblin before him, the rest of the party at his back.
- Nines crawls through vents, classic style.
- The main group follow until they make it to the throne room! Nines peeks out from a vent above.
- On a throne of wheat, a Great Wheat Goblin sits interwoven. In the corner of the room, behind a curtain of hanging wheat, there is a glimmer of gold.
- Bulgur declares himself the King of Wheat! There is a standoff. This goblin considers himself to be the Grower King, the equal-and-opposite to the Reaper King represented by Bulgur. The Grower King will grow his power here, then soon go off to take over the Wheatlands as the true king!
- The Idea of Wheat does not imply the use of wheat - it merely wishes to be grown! Reaping the wheat is surplus to requirements!
- Bulgur declares a trial by combat! The Grower King asks him who his champion shall be. Kings do not fight, you see.

--- Champions of the Wheat Throne

- The Grower King sends forth his wheat golem! A goblin grown monstrous through his access to the power of wheat! The Reaper King sends forth... 4 goblins in a trenchcoat, courtesy of Zeppelino. Each holding a bomb sourced from Goblin Munitions, courtesy of Nines.
- It's not a fair fight. The suicide bombers win instantly at the cost of their own lives.
- Debate resumes. It was an equal victory, so surely equality between the Kings?
- The Grower King proposes an alliance, sealed with a marriage! He'll marry one of his wheat goblin children to the Reaper King's child!

- Bulgur has no kids, but he raise cows back in the day. It transpires that a cow-child is completely valid! The goblins don't draw much of a difference between meatoids, you see.

- It's agreed with no additional violence. Phew!
- They decide to check out this "rats in the basement" rumour, heading down below Drowntown and into Visco City beneath. They seek Glorpon's Weapon Hole. They ask about the deeper city and are told the directions to the main way in.

-- Deep House

- Visco City is, to its inhabitants, the "real Drudgespar". Lesser people build up and away from the sludge. The brave people of Visco City don't abandon their homes, they reinforce them! The gunge rises, yet they remain. Alas, it's liable to collapse at any time due to the evil Dwarves who are undermining everything the goblins have built.

- They reach the main (or possibly the only, due to sludge breaches) entrance to Visco City. Oozeblock stairs go down to enclosed rooms. It's dungeon vibes down here. The walls are shored up against the rising tide of gunge and weave through old streets and older homes.

- The first thing they notice is a rhythmic unce-unce-unce. Oh yea baby, it's like the Zion rave down here. A goblin in a deep pool of black goo, dripping and reforming bodyparts, tells the confused meatoids that the shops are that way, Da Clurb is that way, and over that way is a machine that leads deeper. Zeppelino touches the slime. He can't quite get it off!
- Of course the only real option is the rave. Bulgur barges through without checking his weapons (bad vibes) while everyone else divests of their murder stuff at the cloakroom.
- It's a fucken RAVE baby! Goblins are noshing their chops off hyped up on Unmandy! Smoke and lights and a beat you can feel in your chest! 

--- Dff *tiss* dff *tiss* dff *tiss* dff *tiss* 

- Bulgur is spotted a mile off by a dude who's just there to sell Unmandy. Our resident Barbarian is very obviously not a cop and paints his gums with powder (the first one is free, of course). His inner eye opens and... oh shit, everyone here is a person with a life as beautiful and rich as his own. The music sings in his veins and then...
- The drop hits.
- It's like being gut-punched by the sun.
- Meanwhile Manrat has found the chillout room. A goblin says calming meditative stuff to people who are either relaxed or asleep. Lots of skin contact in here. There's also lootable stuff - a small keg of sour beer, a bag of rock salt, a bag of unrefined copper ore. These are quietly removed. There's also a goblin corpse (he ain't breathing) which Nines absorbs and turns into an additional minion.
- Meanwhile Nines is scurrying after a "murder dealer" that he heard offering services. He follows said dealer down a corridor, finding a sort of Korean fusion place run by goblins.
- There's also a bar and... a Dwarf?! I thought they hated Dwarves here?!?

- Turns out this Dwarf is "one of the good ones" and is well-liked by the regulars! He gives Zeppelino some alcohol to try and wash the gunk off his palms. It's not really working. It's like the gunk is trying to avoid being cleaned...

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures:

- Small keg of sour beer (200 exp)
- Bag of Rock Salt (200 exp)
- Bag of Unrefined Copper Ore (200 exp)
Total: 600 exp

Foes Defeated:

- The Wheatsel, splatted. (50 exp)
- The Wheat King, mollified. (750 exp)

Total: 800 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster & Quartermaster (300 exp/level)
- Kitty the Expedition Leader & Vanguard (200 exp/level)
- George the Cartogrpaher & Chef (200 exp/level)

Exp Total:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 34035 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 28435 (Level up at 32000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 21001 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 21168 (Level up at 28000)

Session 394 - Burg-to-Burg Scorpion-as-a-Service Investment Opportunity

 Date: 13 January 1625

Moon Phase: Full Moon
Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Minerva

Returning Characters:

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Hasn't seen wheat in months.
- Brie van der Hells, Necromancer. Strange minions.

- Manrat Snels, Ratman. Surprisingly shrewed.

- Nines, Inheritor. Trying his best to map the place.

- Nostradama, Nonanist Cleric. Slightly scammable.

- Zeppelino, Goblin. Extremely scammable.

New Backstory:

- Zeppelino helped run a theatrical troupe out of town when they passed through Drudgespar, out into the deadly then-poisonous Wastes. The crime? Wearing greenface. The troupe may have ended up being part of Manrat's backstory... Once per session, force a morale check to fail.

Events:

--- Wheat Proselytisers

- It's morning in the Goblin city of Drudgespar, the capital of the Drudge Wastes. Built on the inside of a huge ever-sinking and ever-growing inverted cone, most of the city has accreted down the very bottom. From their vantage in a house high up on the sides, looking down at the main city looks like peering at buildings collected at the bottom of a bucket. Floating above, connected by a web of rigging, float the balloons and blimps of the upper classes.
- Still, there's not much going on high up in the Skirts at the rim of the city. They want to see the sights and meet the people down below!
- They head down, and it's only a couple of storeys before they see something interesting. Goblins in straw hats distributing leaflets and talking about the "Idea of Wheat!"

- Bulgur rushes over! Wheat! Good clean wheat! He takes a wheat sample and looks it over - it's perfectly ordinary but old. He looks at the pamphlet. It says "Join us and help us to grow wheat!"

- The goblin, upon hearing the Bulgur knows about wheat, is overjoyed! He takes him to the "Grainhall" - a dingy little house with a thin layer of soil, very little light, and a small printing press. It becomes apparent that "help us grow wheat" was a cry for help - they really want to grow wheat but they don't know how!
- They teach Nines to power runes (finally!) and he plays around with them. It becomes apparent that the Earth and Mass runes simply don't work any more, and that rune-created materials (like water) fade back into component rune-elements after a while. At least they can demonstrate with rune-water! Between that, Nines' soil-generation mutation, and some insights into sunlight, they're good to go!

- Nostradama preaches the good word of Minerva to these Goblins. The Idea of Wheat is inherently hierarchical, these goblins currently live under the lords in the rigging. Nostradama persuades them to obey a higher calling - the Gods themselves! They are totally persuaded! Manrat, proclaiming himself a Knight of Mars, pledges his sword and his protection of the new wheat farmers.

--- Lore Dump

- Sufficiently converted and persuaded by the party, the Goblins are friendly and count them as allies!

- They hear some rumours:

-- Down in the Buildup, the Magic Emporium has been advertising cool new constructs!
-- In Bucketsides there's a copse of Brackling saplings that's eating people!
-- Out on the south coast, near Grasp, some Dwarves a digging around the pylon there. Manrat surmises that the party's been there already.
-- Meat Mages down in the Buildup are busy animating a giant scorpion! If they succeed it will destroy the city!
-- Skimmers are iron-skid vehicles designed to slide right over the ferrofluid flats. As luck would have it, they've got one for sale for 10 000 obols!
-- Every Pyramid has a dungeon 12 layers deep beneath it. Get to the bottom and you can reach the control room that converts the Earth into a cosmic battleship!

- Asked about the broken Pyramid outside the city, the Goblins declare that it was destroyed by the Dwarves a thousand or more years ago. Even now the Dwarves try to sabotage Drudgespar from below.

- The levels of the city the Goblins know about are, in descending order, the Rigging, the Skirts, Bucketsides, and finally the main city layer is called the Buildup.
- Manrat hires a Goblin squire, since he is a Knight of Mars and all.

--- Down Down to Goblin-Town

- Nines has been told in no uncertain terms that they'll all need a passport - a green armband - to stay in this city without a Goblin escort. It's fine for now since Zeppelino seems to have them under control, but who can say whether he'll vanish off to Peru or something?
- As such they head down the various lifts, stairways, and interlocking pathways. There's no central design, but Manrat's guide can sort of muddle along.
- On the way down through Bucketsides they see groves of hibernating Bracklings and the occasional well-guarded giant peapod in well-tended gardens. The sides get the sunlight, so they grow all their people here.
- They reach the Buildup and it's a proper classic multiracial and cosmopolitan fantasy city! Goblins mill about, towered over by the occasional human or towering winter brackling. Cottony flying Brack-pixies flit about overhead. The houses and shops are ramshackle, always building on top of deeper levels as the city fights to build its way away from the stinking gunge of the wastes.

--- Mutations, Anyone?

- They pass a human with a fleshy machine who is crying out for volunteers. Mutations! Mutations! Who wants a mutation? He'll even pay you to help him! The human himself has a ring of seven noses growing around his head.

- Nines takes him up on it, gets a mushroom-head mutation, and immediately adds it to his Inheritor powers. Good edge case!

- They ask directions and head towards the passport office. It's down a long long tunnel towards the outside, but after a while they reach it! Turns out that Zeppelino's presence means they just give out the armbands, no questions asked. Neat! They're warned that a huge giant appeared last night, according to the guards, and then vanished in a puff of steam! Now what could that mean?

--- Wait, He's a Pervert!

- They go back towards the mutation man and... huh?? He's gone!
- Nines and Brie investigate strange sounds down an alley and find the mutation man is a horrible pervert! The mutations were just a way for him to derive disgusting pleasure!

- They murder him, Brie takes his last breath, Nines digests him and turns him (via convoluted mutational means) into a doppleganger minion who goes off to return to society.

--- Shopping Trip

- Zeppelino, meanwhile, is at the market. He finds sourdough, tins of beans, jars of pickled onions, and "ferro-truffles", a sort of shiny fungus found at the edge of ferrofluid rivers. He'll take the lot!

- Manrat is asking locals what the reward for killing the Meat Mages with the scorpion is. There isn't one! They're normal citizens, refugees who fled the Meatlands as it was subsumed by the Wheatlands!
- The party meets back up and decide to investigate the scorpion anyway. Giant scorpions are way cool.

--- Series B Scorpion Funding Round

- They reach the scorpion and it is very much a GIANT scorpion. We're talking the size of a small house here! The city has built around it to an extent, such that the great sting it sticking out of a set-back upper storey and the face (plus artistic extra jaws) is poking out into the street.
- Manrat sends a rat to scout. It's nice for rats in there!
- Nines and Bulgur approach the door and OH NO! A TRAP! Jaws slam shut around them, holes making it so they're being held by the fake jaws!
- A hulking but very pink man with an extra arm on his left side emerges from the door. Evidently a Meat Mage. He's... very apologetic! Those jaws were designed for goblin-sized investors! He apologises for hurting Bulgur, and invites everyone inside... for an investment presentation!
- Yes this is indeed the perfect time to invest in GRAKTIL! THE CITADEL THAT WALKS!!

- He tells them the business plan. They found this giant exoskeleton in the wastes, hollowed out by poison. They will animate the scorpion with specialised meat machinery and extort tribute from towns all over the wastes!
- The USP? They've got some elementals of elements quite high up the periodic table on board (and literally on board, in the stinger) and they'll be able to use their power to project some god damn Lanthanides at anyone who tries to get in their way!

- Zeppelino is absolutely sold and invests 1000 obols in the venture. He gets a tour. Goblin-free workforce (to build trust with the community, of course) and some access to some high-secrecy knowledge of what they're feeding the leg mechanisms etc.
He comes back and Nostradama eventually goes in too with 200 obols to get her foot in the door, access to Class A stocks, etc etc.

--- Let's Get Cooking!

- They leave, mollified by the business opportunity and promise of business-to-business Scorpion-as-a-Service sales.

- Nines is inspired by the sheer BUSINESS ACUMEN and heads to the nearest Julgoor Store (feels like there's one on every corner) to start a new business venture. Goblin Munitions. Using the grey clay ceramic he's got on hand, he's going to corner the market on extremely volatile and very dangerous bombs.

- Meanwhile we finish up with a cooking minigame. I don't know if we established exactly where but we'll deal with that next session.
- Nostradama is the chef and she cooks the surprisingly delicious and very filling "Good Hearty Meal". Containing Sourdough, Milk, a Manrat-supplied Rat, Pickled Onion and a dash of Melancholy Berry... it's very good! So good in fact that it gives everyone an Encumbrance bonus the next day!

Total: 9000 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer, and Quartermaster (300 exp/level) 

- Ollie the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level) 

- Charles the Paymaster (100 exp/level) 

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level) 

- Zoë the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Total:

- Carter / Nines, Level 5 Inheritor: 29935 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 5 Barbarian: 25835 (Level up at 32000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 17901 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 5 Ratman: 18068 (Level up at 28000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 4 Necromancer: 17468 (Level up at 18000)

- Zoe / Nostradama, Level 4 Cleric of Nonanism: 9343 (Level up at 18000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Faith! +1d6 Healing! +Backstory!