Session 289 - KNEEL BEFORE GORATH

 Session 289 - KNEEL BEFORE GORATH

New Characters:
- Aemelius Princeps, the last Emperor of the Halfling Empire, finally returned from the moon.
- Celebus Uppytus, a Necromancer who was using his Necromantic abilities to debone chickens in the Ferfectory

New Backstory:

- Iskander accidentally killed a merchant by backing over him with a wagon and took over his fledgling trading company. Allies cannot be harmed by your fumbles.
- Swan the Swift fell off the longboat during a raid on Lindisfarne and discovered he loved the water! +1 Piloting

Events:

--- The Newbies Brought Snacks!
- In a lush and verdant landscape next to a screaming well, Iskander and Swan the Swift nurse their wounds. The Draugr last time turned out to be quite tough.
- They are hungry, and conveniently a couple of people with food have shown up with food! They are a Halfling in grandiose robes, and a Necromancer with a paper bag full of chicken burgers.
- They feast, and backstories are exchanged in return. Aemilius and Celebus are filled in on the dungeon down the well. Got to be some good stuff down there right?

--- GORATH
- They climb down the well and snoop around further. Down a side corridor they find a model longship with tiny valuable model treasure in it. It looks very familiar to Swan the Swift and would be a perfect boat for a small person to ride about in.
- They take it to the entrance and explore further.
- In another room is a throne upon which sits an armoured skeleton. On the wall is a six-titted boar. On his throne are six boar-tits. I don't know why tits are the only descriptor in this module.
- The skeleton stands up and the ring on its finger glows, manifesting a massive greatsword! It bellows "I AM GORATH! DEFENDER OF THE FLAYED KING!" and loses initiative!
- Amelius shoots it in the head and Swan the Swift lobs a spear, both to little effect, as Iskander charges in and smashes the fuck out of Gorath with a heavy hammer! Celebus vomits up his own skeleton and discards his petty human flesh then charges into battle, getting immediately smashed to pieces by Gorath's sweeping greatsword!
- Amelius charges in on Police the Goat, critting Gorath in the chest and smashing him to pieces too!
- Celebus' skeleton xylophones back into shape and he stands up, pouring himself back into his skin.
- They grab the ring which allows the bearer to summon Gorath's cool ghost sword.

--- The Flayed King
- They enter the next room to find a skinned man chained to the back wall! His skin is nailed to the floor before him. He screams that he was cursed with knowledge, and anyone touching his skin will have their skin tear off too!
- Celebus, though out of Mana, declares that he will try casting Eject Skeleton again. The rest of the party quietly shut the door and wait outside. Wouldn't you know it, the spell goes wild! Luckily the spell still works, but his flesh is puking its guts up as a result.
- The others open the door to see Celebus shaking his skin out like a plastic bag full of vomit. It's quite the sight.
- The ploy pays off though, Celebus (or should that be Skelebus?) picks up the Fated King's skin no problem. He undoes the chains and kind of wriggles the King back into his skin. It's not attached or anything, so it's a bit like a flesh onesie. It hurts much less though so he's very grateful.
- He will allow each member of the party ONE QUESTION each, and duly gives over his knowledge. Celebus gains a spell, Iskander gains forbidden Dexterity techniques, Swan the Swift finds out how to improve his core Constitution, and the goat asks for the location of the most delicious paper.

- The Flayed King calls out to GORATH who is reforming outside. Despite being cursed with knowledge, he feels like an idiot for not getting his skeleton friend to help with his skin. It seems so obvious in hindsight!

- Gorath picks the King up by the scruff of the skin and slings him over his back. Everyone leaves the dungeon in good spirits! Gorath waves the party goodbye and sets off to wonder the wild world beyond the well.

--- New Moondin
- They head back into the Shell, the way behind them fuzzing over with static. Julgoor's bank has a multitude of Julgoor bank tellers. They take the loot gladly, and the party discover that once you've paid of your Obol debt any excess wealth comes in the form of Ferfect Fried Chicken coupons.

- They got to the Church of the Angel and find out from the priests that the 9G network is down! They haven't had direct contact with the Gods since Lockdown.
- The party check into a hotel and spend the night.
- The next morning they awaken and... it's the same day again? Again? Except things aren't the same, they've woken up in hotel beds this time, sometimes next to people who are waking up into the day again! Plus objects haven't been reset?
- There's a scream of "oh my god the hundred-human pie is still here!!" from the nearby Library-Colosseum.
- It all sounds a bit fucked so the party decide to head out to Kink which is hopefully much less fucked.

--- The Ghost Corporal

- They travel out of the Storm Shell once more and into an interminable heatwave. Insects buzz lazily through thorny shrubs, and larger insects swoop like swifts through the clouds of gnats. It's fucking boiling though, so the heavy armour wearers peel themselves out of their suits and drape them on the various horses and skeleton retainers they have on hand.
- As they travel they overhear a choir of angel voices singing in... English? That's new. They ignore them for now and keep going. After a time on the road they see a crumbling guard tower. Might as well check it out?
- A voice cries out as they approach, "who goes there!". It's the ghost of a soldier! Amelius distracts him by putting on airs while the others poke about. The soldier, a corporal, still thinks it's the time of the End War and that he's guarding the road from all sorts of nasties.
- Jackpot! There are 20 Iron Rations in the cupboard, emergency food that clearly nobody needs any more. Also outside in the stables are 3 animated skeleton horses. Result!
- All this stuff is duly nicked and the party continue on their merry way. Next stop Kink!

Total: 6000 exp

Valuables:
- Adorable miniature longship loot (1000 exp)
- A fancy six-titted throne (2000 exp)
- Ghostsword Ring lets you summon a ghostly Greatsword into your hands.
- 3 skeletal Steeds (3000 exp)
- 20 Iron Rations (200 exp)
Total: 6200 exp

Murders:
- GORATH, smashed by hammer and goat, but later befriended. (250 exp)
Total: 250 exp

OOC:
- Remembrancer: Charles (100 exp)
- Expedition Leader: George (100 exp)
- Quartermaster: Ollie (100 exp)
- Vanguard: George (100 exp)
- Triage: Timothy (100 exp)
- Chef: Timothy (100 exp)
- Art Attack: Charles (100 exp)
- Dead Character Exp Boost: Charles (1000 exp)

Exp Totals:

- George / Swan the Swift, Level 3 Barbarian: 5997 (Level up at 8000)
DING! +1d8 HP! +2 Barbarian Table rolls!

- Ollie / Iskander Fullbeard, Level 3 Fighter: 5897 (Level up at 8000)
DING! +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble tables!
- Timothy / Aemelius Princeps, Level 2 Halfling: 3313 (Level up at 4000)
DING! +1d6 HP! +1 to Domination!

- Charles / Celebus Uppytus, Level 2 Necromancer: 4313 (Level up at 4500)
DING! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +Free Spell!

Session 288 - After the Lockdown

Session 288 - After the Lockdown

New Characters:
- Police, a Halfling cop who stares at goats.
- Swan the Swift, an ex-torturer Barbarian with a very Norse aesthetic
- Astro Moon, a Muscle WIzard surface farmer with a very Magical Girl aesthetic.
- Iskander Fullbeard, a Fighter, trader and Forebearer who long survived the Wastes.

Events:

--- Groundhog Day
It's been Groundhog Day for a long time. In the morning the Powershell overhead bursts into fuzzing static, and everyone wakes up into the same day. At first few remembered the previous loops, doing proper Bill Murray Groundhog Day shit, but over time more and more people began to wake into the loop.
Extremely awkward for those early people though, when they suddenly discovered that their actions have consequences.
But today something is different. Something cracked through the dome overhead and crashed on the High Hill near town. Surprised and curious, a gang of new characters heads out to investigate...

--- The Gad and the Goat
- A motley band of adventurers sets out from New Moondin. It's not far to the High Hill, and this far into the loops they've all gone there countless times. Iskander is riding a bone horse and is followed by a skeleton porter. Everyone else has to walk.
- First they travel up past the Pod Farms. Little self-contained domes full of crops. Nobody works on them any more. It's pointless when the crops reset. They talk to a farmer who tells them as much, and Police takes some corn as evidence.
- There's not much of a trail up past the Gad Cliffs, but of course they know the way. There aren't many Elves in the cliffs any more, since they don't have to sleep it's easy for them to go live in the future. Tomorrow People of other species can get a few weeks away at best, but eventually even the biggest insomniacs run out of cocaine.
- To everyone's surprise, a Gad is here! Thin and long-limbed, with wrap-around eyes and shimmering gossamer sugar-glider wings. She calls out to Swan the Swift, who she remembers from a previous loop. She's called Silf and he's not quite sure when they met, since despite waking early on Day Zero he was one of the last people become conscious of the loop itself.
- She offers to guide them up to the High Hill, and on the way they see a goat! Police runs to mind-control it with his Halfling powers... and it conks him right in the head! They manage to subdue it despite its goatiness, and Police ties it to his back. After several attempts, he finally makes it his pet.



--- Back From the Old Days
- Atop the hill they find, still glowing, your previous characters! They crashed through the dome after a fight with Gifflewim to somehow undo the Lockdown. Unfortunately Gifflewim did something to their memories, because they were getting too good at getting to him between the loops.
- They all head back to New Moondin, the old heroes heading to various places to become Mentors. Ratman goes to live under the old collapsed bridge, Plodd and Poison Phil head to the Goblin Integration Zone to see if they can do anything to help the Goblins who live behind the walls, and Candy Crush plans to go see the mirror witch she remembers meeting in an adventure long ago.

--- Going Outside
- With the time loop apparently ended, they decide to head out to see what the world beyond looks like.
- They walk through the static mist and... Holy shit it's so GREEN.
- Outside the world has recovered. Grass rustles, insects buzz, birds flit through the air. It's amazing.
- They also hear a scream coming from down a well. Since I have prepped nothing extra it looks like a classic dungeon placed in this hex long ago is the new hotness.

--- Well Enough Alone
- Down the well there is, of course, a dungeon. Luminous fresh water and a corridor that leads to a door. They enter into a room with floor tiles with a plant and vine aesthetic. It's also, clearly, hollow.
- Iskander smashes the floor with his hammer, and it falls in! Down there is a single big sarcophagus, and some sort of tiresome water puzzle.

- Iskander and Astro Moon jump down to investigate. They solve the water puzzle, the sarcophagus lid pulls back... and a bunch of dead people jump out! They look exactly like Skyrim Draugr! Both investigators are rapidly hauled back up to the floor above.
- The draugr yell "hey leave us alone ok?" but after much deliberation, the discovery that they've got a cool magic necklace, and many comments to the effect of "we can take them easy", the party attack!

--- Against the Draugr
-Silf the Gad flutters away, scared, and the battle is joined!
- Three of the draugr are flung by the others up onto the main level, and Astro Moon tries a gambit to kick one back down. Unfortunately she falls down herself and is mobbed by the three that stayed down there. One of them chews off her hand!
- Police bravely takes on two of the draugr on the top level, and gets absolutely mauled. He takes a couple down, but with his collarbone shattered and bleeding in twenty different places he is yes - fucking dead. With his last moments he uses meme magic to transfer his soul into the goat. Police is now a Police Goat.
- Swan and Iskander, better at fighting, are set upon by the other draugr after they take down Astro Moon and leave her to her fate. They cut down several, and the draugr start to complain that they might lose!
- But wait! It's the GOAT! It charges into battle and headbutts the final one with its horns! The draugr's corpse tumbles down, shattering its head on the stone floor.
- A short funeral is held for Police's corpse, attended of course by Police Goat. They shove it into the sarcophagus and close the lid.
- Iskander grabs the magic thingy this was all in aid of getting. It's a Corpse Chat Necklace, and allows the spirit animating an undead creature to speak! Clearly this needs to go on his skeleton porter.

Total: 7000 exp

Valuables:
- Corpse Chat Necklace - allows the spirit animating an undead creature to speak.

Murders:
- 6 draugr, slain at great cost (150 exp)

Total: 150 exp

OOC:
- Remembrancer: Charles (100 exp)
- Art Attack: Charles (100 exp)
- First party to enter this dungeon (200 exp)
- Amputation Bonus (Astro Moon - 100 exp)
- Near Death Experience (Astro Moon - 100 exp)
- Death's Witness (all - 100 exp ea.)
- Died In Your First Session (Charles - 500 exp)

Exp Totals:

- Izzy / Astro Moon, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 2884 (Level up at 4500)
DING! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +free spell!
- Ollie / Iskander Fullbeard, Level 2 Fighter: 2684 (Level up at 4000)
DING! +1d8 HP! +2 Barbarian rolls!
- George / Swan the Swift, Level 2 Barbarian: 2684 (Level up at 4000)
DING! +1d8 HP! +1 to BAB! +1 to Crits/Fumbles!
- Charles / Police, Level ? Goat: ? exp (Never level up)
- Charles Next Character: +1000 exp.