Session 45 - "This bomb is going to be awesome. It's going to kill everything."

Sessions without a death:  Nine  Zero

So basically, everybody died. Or nearly everyone. 

The climactic finale saw the party being attacked by a horde of strimmer ants as they tried to harvest the ant queen's pool of Royal Jelly in her dead-end nest chamber. 

Balthizar the Name Unconfirmed Scottish Dwarf threw his last signature Yellow Mold Bomb down a corridor in order to kill the whole lot of the ants, and poison any others who followed.

He, Zed and Marley avoided the blast by jumping into Royal Jelly pool itself. Mushroom Lover avoided the blast by shadow-shifting through a wall. Punchfist van Hit avoided the blast by punching herself 2 rounds into the future.

Unfortunately the blast wasn't the main threat, the Yellow Mold payload was dispersed across a huge area, including into the chamber of the Ant Queen.

Mushroom Lover emerged into a room full of a cloying yellow cloud behind an ant queen in its death throes, plunging into the Royal Jelly as the mold burnt at his eyes and throat and skin.
Punchfist reappeared in time to choke to death on the mold herself. The last thing she choked to death on her knees was Marley dragging himself out of the viscous and cloying semi-sentient honey.

Marley was the only one who managed to do so. Zed the new guy and Balthizar the bomb-thrower were visible only as dark shapes ineffectually pawing at the golden ooze as sweetness filled their lungs.

And none of it was even my fault!

For All - I'm introducing a thing where you can "buy" a dead person's exp by throwing them a lavish funeral. 1:1 silver-to-exp ratio so it's like an improved Carousing where there are no downsides and you choose how much you spend.

Probably not so relevant this time because most of you died with your cash...

For Mark - While you will be getting a heaaap of exp for this, there's a limit of one level-up per session. Any experience points going over halfway to the next level are lost.

I assume this is to prevent the arkenstone making Bilbo shoot up to level 100.

You will get bonus exp above this limit for individual bonuses though. Being the sole survivor of a near total party kill changes a man.

For Oli - WELCOME TO D&D HA HA HA

Session 45 - "This bomb is going to be awesome. It's going to kill everything."

Campaign date:
Wednesday, August 18th, 1549
Moon phase: Waxing Crescent
Zodiac: Leo

New Characters:

- Zed, a sickly and mentally deficient mason turned Fighter in search of adventure.

Enemies defeated:

- The strimmer ant Queen, poisoned by Yellow Mold (100 exp)

- 73 strimmer ants, directly killed by mold bomb explosion and subsequent mold cloud (365 exp)

Total: 465 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- Early stage mushroom suit - Deadly Webcap.

- Huge glop of strimmer ant royal jelly held in scratch-built gecko skin sack (1000 exp)

- 2 strimmer ant eggs

- Various miscellanea looted from the deceased including spellbooks and maps, much of it encrusted with royal jelly.

- Various body parts morbidly harvested from the deceased, much of it encrusted with royal jelly.

Total: 1000 exp

Exploration:

- Discovered Derring & Do, henchman agency (50 exp)

- Discovered Honest Bill's Used Horse Dealership (50 exp)

- Visited Atrox Morbus, golden chirurgeon (50 exp)

- Discovered the Panacea Parlour, physicker (50 exp)

- Visited St Cuthbert's, city hospital (50 exp)

- Discovered the Fifth Labour, stables and self storage (50 exp)

- Visited the Fortress Bank (50 exp)

- Discovered Wizzbang Will's, drug emporium (50 exp)

- First party to enter Rote (500 exp)

- Travelled 174 miles by foot and by boat (580 exp)

- 9 dungeon rooms explored (180 exp)

- 1 secret door found (50 exp)

Total: 1710 exp

Misc:

- Punchfist spent a few weeks creating a new spell: "Punchfist "Pheoby" van Hit's Trans-Temporal Bi-Directional Chronomatic Reinception Technique, est 1549 AD".  Sends target 1 round/level into the future. Reversible - the reverse of this spell sends the target 1 round into the past. (50 exp)

- Mushroom Lover visited a temple, a hospital, and finally the golden chirurgeon Indefatigable Orm.. His mold sickness was cured by drawing the sickness into his left leg and amputating it. (50 exp)

- Punchfist visited the zoologist of Sortitus University who told him he would pay a "princely sum" for a queen strimmer ant. (50 exp)

- Preparations for ant queen capture were drawn up, including reinforced barrels, pigs and cows for food source, riverboat hired as transport. (50 exp)

- Travelled to and entered the mushroom god dungeon, discovered easy-access queens were gone, explored further (50 exp)

- Punchfist fast-talked her way into stealing some new-grown mushroom suits for infiltration purposes (50 exp)

- Fungonius took some magic mushrooms, watched an ant talking and tapdancing and being generally silly, discovered ants avoid all mushrooms if they can help it (50 exp)

- Followed strimmer ant trail to vegetative ant-birthing sacs and central queen ant (50 exp)

- Met Ula Bthon, a wholly encased mushroom man and expert strimmer ant breeder (50 exp)

(Fungonius quietly slips out at this point)

- Harvested royal jelly from pool beneath ant queen, took ant eggs from within (50 exp)

- Attempted to destroy subsequent strimmer ant attack with mold bomb. It worked far too well. (50 exp)

- Marley stumbles from the dungeon, caked in royal jelly, dragging a motley assortment of limbs and equipment and stolen goods. (50 exp)

--

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)

- Diplomacy bonus (50 exp)

- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)

- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)

- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)

- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)

- What the Fuck Guys bonus (50 exp)

- Died in your First Session bonus (Oli - 200 exp to next character)

- Death's Witness bonus (Marley - 100 exp)
- Sole Survivor bonus (Marley - 500 exp)

Total: 950 exp + bonus

Quests and Rumours:

- "Raise prices keep going up! The army's buying up gems to revive soldiers."

- "The farms have cycled completely to beans and meat. High-yield stuff. Drug prices are going to shoot up soon so I'd stock up if I were you."

- "Even in times like these, the Thermae keeps going strong. I feel so fresh!"

- "They're finding people jobs faster than they can hire them at Derring & Do. It's a good time for honest goonery, I'll tell you that."

- "Honest Bill sold me a horse with a bum leg. Between you and me, I don't think Honest Bill is as honest as he says he is."

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Balthizar, threw a huge yellow mold bomb in order to kill a legion of strimmer ants, jumped into the Royal Jelly vat beneath their queen to escape blast, drowned in the thick treacle.

- Zed, jumped into the big vat of Royal Jelly to avoid strimmer ants and mold bomb, drowned in the thick treacle.

- Mushroom Lover, used shadowy Elf ability to leap into a shadow and emerge from another nearby, attempting to cut the control thread connected to the Queen. Emerged to a Queen that was already dying... and a lungful of Yellow Mold.

- Punchfist van Hit, used newly invented spell to punch self 12 seconds into the future and avoid blastwave, reappeared in time to choke to death on deadly Yellow Mold.

Exp Totals:

Renzo / Mushroom Lover, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): Deceased

Dominic / Fungonius, Level 4 Cleric: 12104 (Level up at 14000)

Clay / Punchfist Van Hit, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: Deceased

Kyle / Balthizar the Name Unconfirmed Scottish Dwarf, Level 2 Dwarf: Deceased

Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)

*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points!

Oli / Zed, Level 1 Fighter: Deceased - 200 exp to next character

[[]]

Absent or Retired:

Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)

Leo / Jack, Level 1 Cleric: 1183 (Level up at 1750)

Mariana / Aurora, Level 1 Cleric: 1646 (Level up at 1750)

Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1221 (Level up at 2250)

Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)

Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)

Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)

Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)

Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)

Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)

Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)

Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)

rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)

Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)

Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 4 Dwarf: 13395 (Level up at 17600)
-- Mr Burg, Level 1 Fighter: 655 (Level up at 2000)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)

Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)

John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)

Dana / Bingo, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 1461(Level up at 2250)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

Session 40 - Death by Pegging

I don't know why everything's suddenly gone from scary near-death in the depths of the earth to dick jokes and shoving poles in bumholes, but it's happened.

That poor, poor monster.

Despite being egregiously underpowered in comparison to pretty much everything down in the depths-below-depths, everyone survived.

You should all be dead! Dead I say!

Also I have to make a mushroom suit table now after it turns out we have a mushroom expert among our ranks, gosh.

For the benefit of those who were not present - 

Everyone decided to keep going deeper into the earth despite being low level woobies. 

They found a bunch of people who wear mushrooms who say they're growing a new god, stuck a pole into the anus of a giant rock monster after the Muscle Wizard stopped it crushing everyone by punching it with Feather Fall, and stole mushroom suits from innocent locals to avoid getting chainsawed by crazy strimmer ants.

If it sounds like an insane drug-fueled trip... maybe it was!??! Now that would be an M Night Shyamalan level plot twist.

-----------------------------------

For Clay - Is your name Clay or Caly?! Your email says Clay, but your Meetup name is Caly! Anyway, can you forward this email onto and/or give me the email of Sofia... or was it Sophia?

For Sofia - Your character is slowly turning from a human into a proper scary Elf. For now he looks almost normal, but over time (as you get more powerful and level up) he'll look scarier and get more powerful powers.
Eventually you will become this -

Hollowback Ylfen: Fair to look upon from the front but weirdly hollow and cow-tailed behind. The Ylfen pass briefly unnoticed among humans seeking articles of spae-craft hidden among the detritus of decaying civilisation. To them, all magical trinkets are their province, to be purloined and returned to the barrows where they reign in solitude.

For Kyle - You said your friend wants to know what's up with the rules!

It's this - http://www.rpgnow.com/product/115059/LotFP-Rules--Magic-Free-Version?filters=0_0_0_0&manufacturers_id=2795

With these house rules -http://tenfootpolemic.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/the-ten-foot-polemic-unified-house-rule.html

There are a couple of things I need to change on the house rule doc (like adding an Arcana skill, and deleting the bit about bags because it's boring and never gets used) but it's mostly up to date.

If he wants a tl;dr version, just tell him it's "Old school D&D". Based on B/X if that means anything to him.

Also Kyle, you wanted to know if you could go into a frenzy when you smell blood and I totally forgot about it!

I should have mentioned - Elves, Dwarves, Fighters and Barbarians all get access to some special combat options. One of them is a Reckless attack where you get +2 to hit but -4 armour. You could say you're doing that when you fly into a blood-rage?

---------------------------------------------

Session 40 - Death by Pegging

Campaign date:
Saturday, July 245h 1549
Moon phase: Waxing Gibbous (Elves weakened)
Zodiac: Cancer

New Characters:

- Aurora, a Cleric of God (as in, the God) who spoke to her through a whale when she was out fishing. Crack shot with a fishing rod.

- Ceres, an Elf and former Alchemist who, along with half the party, somehow knew the language of the mushroom men. Staff is now a bit mucky after the rock monster incident.

- The Muscle Wizard from last session turns out to be named "Punchfist Van Hit" and also a woman.

- The Dwarf from last session turns out to be named "Balthizar the Name Unconfirmed Scottish Dwarf".

Enemies defeated:

- A fly agaric-wearing mushroom man, hooked into mouth of rock monster (25 exp)

- A huge rock monster, molested to death (750 exp)

- 3 sleeping goblins in mushroom suits (30 exp)

- 6 mushroom men, eaten by strimmer ants after their mushroom suits were stolen (150 exp)

- 3 strimmer ants, avoided by way of wearing stolen mushroom suits (30 exp)

Total: 985 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- 50 red gems excreted by the cave creature (2500 exp)

- Weird blue egg-rock with black veins (1000 exp)

- Selection of small gems and trinkets (42 exp)

- Flask of strong liquor (10 exp)

- Various mushroom suits

- Big ant in a cooking pot

- 2 50' long tentacle ropes

- 12 buckets covered in some sort of meaty slop

Total: 3552 exp

Exploration:

- First party to enter the God Growth Caverns of the Mushroom Men. (200 exp)

- First party to begin ascending the stem spiral (300 exp)

- 9 dungeon rooms explored (180 exp)

- 1 group of randoms encounters (20 exp)

- Alternate exit found (200 exp)

Total: 900 exp

Misc:

- No deaths during the slide down the slippery slope (50 exp)

- Befriended the Fly Agaric man through judicious use of Remove Fear (50 exp)

- Found out that the mushroom men are trying to grow a god (50 exp)

- Heroic life-saving Feather Fall punch (50 exp)

- Did horrible things to the rock monster (50 exp)

- But, in hindsight, those were actually some solid tactics (50 exp)

- Beheld the huge stem shaft, including the floating globules of light, the mushroom men puffing around through the air up above, and the lava lamp-like glow far at the top. (50 exp)

- Stole mushroom costumes from innocently sleeping goblins (50 exp)

- Discovered the source of the strimmer ants (50 exp)

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)

- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)

- Diplomacy bonus (50 exp)

- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)

- Hard Bargain bonus (50 exp)

- Tactical fighting bonus (50 exp)

- What the Fuck Guys bonus (50 exp)

- Humiliated a Scary Enemy (100 exp)

- Selfless Charity bonus (Treasure sharers at beginning - 100 exp ea)

- Cartographer bonus (Fungonius - 100 exp)

Total: 900 exp + bonus

Quests and Rumours:

- The mushroom men are trying to make a new god.

- The mushroom men have no need for these strange silver disks people keep giving them for stuff, so they just kind of pile it up in random places.

- The mushroom men have an embargo on goods from the surface world and a whole heap of trade agreements with "people further down".

- Some of the mushroom men speak the local human language but others don't (?)

Death Toll and Injuries:

- None, due to quick thinking and a lot of luck.

Exp Totals:

Dominic / Fungonius, Level 4 Cleric: 9045 (Level up at 14000)

Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1621 (Level up at 3000)

*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 skill points!

Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1721 (Level up at 2000)

Clay / Punchfist Van Hit, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 1721(Level up at 2250)

Kyle / Balthizar the Name Unconfirmed Scottish Dwarf, Level 1 Dwarf: 1621 (Level up at 2200)

Sofia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 906 (Level up at 3000)

Mariana / Aurora, Level 1 Cleric: 906 (Level up at 1750)

[[]]

Absent or Retired:

Renzo / Mushroom Lover, Level 4 Elf (Alpdrucke): 21858 (Level up at 24000)

Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)

Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)

Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)

Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)

rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)

Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)

Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 4 Dwarf: 13395 (Level up at 17600)
-- Mr Burg, Level 1 Fighter: 655 (Level up at 2000)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)

Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)

John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)

Dana / Bingo, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 1461(Level up at 2250)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human