Session 256 - The Great Devourer

One heckin' big surprise of a session! Dargo becomes a new God! The Styxmind is imprisoned! On top of that, check this out. Tim made the joke that "all are one in the Dharga", riffing on the Dharma. And then I absolutely cannot believe this - a Dargah is already a thing! So good!

In other news the rest are finally out of the Dino-Dome and into the teeth of winter. Good times! I'm going to be adding Dhargism into the religious canon if anybody wants to follow a flesh god that will seed the world with new life. Thanks to Timothy who wrote the whole Darghism religion out (I only changed a couple of observances I swear). You can find that here - Darghism.

Right, less than half an hour to the session. I'd better send this out!

Session 256 - The Great Devourer

Date:

February. 15 years after the End.

Character List:

- Andromeda, Andromedan Vampire / Kitty
- Ratman, Ratman / Izzy
- Nobody, Barbarian / George

New Characters:
- Jeremy Wizard, indome last-lifer who was a not-great plague doctor in one of the simulations. Owes a small fortune in premium mobile gems to “student loans”, allegedly.
- Drake Blackthorn, doctor and scientist who is certainly not from student loans.

New Backstory:
- Nobody was the leader of a gang - Nobody’s Heroes. They all emulated Nobody’s style and vaguely villainous demeanour. Give an order to someone once per round, if they follow your order they get +1 to their roll to do it.

Foes:

- Styxmind Incarnate (1500 exp)
- Raccobyn Fusion Finale (1500 exp)
Total: 3000 exp

Loot:
- 135 Giganotosaurus steaks (135 exp)
Total: 135 exp

Events:

--- Meat Feast
- We begin where we left off - at the massive corpse of the recently killed Giganotosaurus. The party is busily chopping it up for meat. Dargo even tears off a whole haunch! They pile the lot into their wagons and roll off following the treeline, the weather a light drizzle.
- In time they reach the side of the great diamond dome itself. There is a great crack in the side and shattered angel corpses scattered around. Clearly the place that the Lady breached the dome in her massive Seraphim. Also here is confused new party member Jeremy Wizard.
- Weapons are scratch-built from the sharp diamond shards and pieces of angels. Red gives him one of the new diamond swords so he’s got something to stab with, making sure he knows not to attack her dino-kids.

- They continue into the jungle, following the side of the dome and hacking their way through the dense foliage. It’s slow going, but they keep on keeping on.

- An hour or so into the jungle they realise that they’re being stalked by big felids of some kind. Nobody chucks chunks of dino-meat into the jungle to distract them and the beasts run off into the woods to feast. Safe!
- They break through the jungle and into scrubland as evening falls, camping out and eating chunks of giganotosaurus.

--- Sad Robot
- The morning brings intense humidity. Those in the air-conditioned cancer armour are protected, of course. Red hears a mechanical sobbing sound as they head off, and investigates to find a strange cylindrical robot carving wooden graves for some dismembered people. While initially cautious, it calls itself either “Boris” or “Microsoft Bob” depending on how well it knows you.
- After a bit of chat they discover that it’s a he, and he is a custodian-class robot built to keep the dome intact. He failed, obviously.
- He knows exactly where the exit from the dome is and leads them straight there, robot and wagons rumbling over the wrinkled scrubland through the oppressive heat.

--- Dargo Unchained

- They reach the exit and Boris the Robot interfaces with the exit. The door hisses open… and Red’s backstory bullshit activates! Smoke billows out revealing a small green shape flanked by smaller beasts. “Oh hi Red!” says Sir Robyn in a squeaky goblin voice.
- They briefly discuss Sir Robyn’s relationship with Red, how he’s dead in every timeline but totally not, and how Styx is his enemy. Red kicks off her big plan - call down Styx to fight Sir Robyn! She turns her gun on her father and calls Styx on her earpiece. There’s a green flash from above, an impact on the ground nearby, and a green bulb blooms into a wide flower with a figure meditating in the centre. It has green skin, and many many arms, and many many faces. The Styxmind is here!
- The party attacks the Styxmind! Ratman sends in a suicide wave of grenade-rats! Red throws Lonely Blade who emerges from the weapon with eight swords in his eight limbs! The others blast in with whatever they have to hand! The Styxmind is blown to shreds in a shower of light and flame!
- There’s a beat as the smoke clears… and vegetation from the local area is swarming into the blast zone, building into the Styxmind again and then continuing, growing, exploding upwards to create a massive vegetable avatar!
- Sir Robyn’s raccoons shoot their master in the head then high-five and combine with the corpse, erupting up into a massive raccoon monster. Law Itself versus Chaos Incarnate! But which is which??

- They clash in a titanic struggle! Dargo tells the others to GO and turns towards the battle. He draws on the power of Shub-Niggurath - dormant within him - and grows massive himself! It is the nature of Dargo to CONSUME.

- In the maelstrom the rest of the party, with the help of Andromeda’s void powers, chucks everything from the wagons onto the conveyor belt out and bail! All they can hear outside of the long tunnel out of this place is a great rumbling. A fleshy root bursts from the ceiling. The emergency lights flicker. Something screams in a thousand tongues.

- Outside, the Styxmind is pushed back by the Raccoon kaiju. The Styxmind tries to counter, its hundred arms wielding a hundred weapons whirling, and fleshy roots erupt from the earth and trap it in a cage of meat! The Styxmind rages as the earth churns around it, burying it beneath the swollen bulk of a hideous flesh-tree growing miles high. A corpulent Yggdrasil to forever imprison the Styxhoggr who gnaws and is gnawed by the root of the world.

- The Dargo-Tree grows high and fat, great cysts and organs and lymph and pus sweating from its pulsing flesh. Great bony claws crack the sky, piercing the diamond dome and spreading through, black blood and bile spraying into the cold air beyond and slopping down the dome’s sides.

- It is a new God. A dread God. A Tree of Life. An unholy Yggdrasil. Forbidden flesh and succulent fruit. Corruption and Creation. A God unbound by the rule of Law.
- All Hail Dargo - God of Life.

--- Winter Snow
- When they emerge from the conveyor belt, dumped unceremoniously into the snow amongst barrels and barrels of rations, they find everything is oddly silent. Suddenly thrust from humid heat into a bitter blizzard, they have a moment to recover from the storm of deific power they just witnessed.
- They are on the shore of a frozen lake. Shattered-glass sounds crinkle from far above as the new God spreads its limbs. A sign points them onwards though, and under the circumstances they decide to follow. It leads through to a well-made by uninspiring hut full of beds, chests, and tutorial signs. It’s the tutorial hut that the people of Enoch built for new starters coming out of Fate!
- After four days there is an ominous knock at the door! A gravelly voice intones that the blizzard is over. Jeremy hides in fear of student loans. Red immediately tries to make friends. This is new character Drake Blackthorn, scientist and doctor.

--- Enoch Bound
- They head off to Enoch through flurries of snow, soon coming to a cold old lady under a terrible lean-to. She’s freezing, but apparently has to be here to welcome new survivors now that everyone’s on their last life. Now that it’s their last life, the no-longer-immortal population regret making all the wizards with their “cheats” head off to Ai to the north.
- She guides them to the one big warm hall in Enoch, telling them there’s lots of food there. Pearl is within, and she’s stoked to see everyone! There is legitimately lots of food, but it’s all protein bars and jars of bland grey powder. It’s mostly real, but a quick toke of weed reveals the truth - it’s all a bit more shit than it seems. Not so many fires, not so much light, nothing to spice up the bland meals. At least it’s not a classic “food that isn’t really food” trick!
- Pearl chats a while, granting everyone rad illusory clothes so they feel fancy. She’s desperate to give these people something that’s not their dwindling iron rations, and thankfully the party can provide! Giganotosaurus meat for all!
- As they feast, Pearl tells the party the situation as she knows it in New Moondin. The town itself was taken over by a Seraphim, but there’s a resistance movement to take it back centred on Pearl’s one-time ally Singular Thay. She’s not been back there for a while since she’s been looking after Enoch, so that’s all she knows...

Total: 5000 exp

Team Bonus:

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus
- Ace Attorney bonus
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Better Part of Valour bonus
- Classic Charles bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Escape bonus
- Fame bonus
- Freudian bonus
- Heresy bonus
- Holy bonus
- Leave a God Behind bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Monster Infighting bonus
- Next to Godliness bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus
- Schindler’s bonus
- Vore bonus
- What The Fuck Guys bonus

Total: 1100 exp

Individual Bonus:

- Chronicler (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (George / Nobody - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Izzy / Ratman - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Timothy / Red - 100 exp)

- Vanguard (Russell / Drake Blackthorn - 100 exp)
- Triage (Timothy / Red - 100 exp)
- Chef (George / Nobody - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Izzy, Kitty, Timothy*2 - 500 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Timothy, Izzy - 100 exp)
- Attacco d’Arte bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Good End bonus (Russell - 500 exp)
- Noble Sacrifice bonus (Russell - 1000 exp)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 7 Andromedan Vampire: 138284 (Level up at 144000)

- Tim / Red, Level 7 Duellist Fighter: 75961 (Level up at 128000)

- Izzy / Ratman, Level 7 Ratman: 65660 (Level up at 96000)
- Russell / Dargo, Level 6 Inheritor
*ASCENSION TO GODHOOD*

- George / Nobody, Level 6 Barbarian: 33022 (Level up at 64000)
Level Up! +1d8 HP! +2 Barbarian Rolls! +Backstory!

- Charles / Jeremy Wizard, Level 5 Magic-User: 22940 (Level up at 36000)
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell! +Backstory!

- Russell / Drake Blackthorn, Level 3 Specialist: 3140 (Level up at 6000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!  

Session 255 - Fangs for the Memories

Finally, some downtime!
Our heroes get in a bit of trouble in their new town of Neo Spacedin, defuse a potentially deadly situation, and shotgun a dinosaur in the head!

Session 255 - Fangs for the Memories

Date:

February. 15 years after the End.

Character List:

- Andromeda, Andromedan Vampire / Kitty - Red, Duellist Fighter / Timothy- Ratman, Ratman / Izzy
- Nobody, Barbarian / George - Beepbox Strawberry Stars de Moor, Cleric of the New Eden / Ollie - Luna, Vampire Thrall / Jonnathan

Downtime:
- Funeral held for Flowers Penurious
-- Attendees: Nobody, Luna, Beepbox, Andromeda, Ratman. (5423 exp ea.)
- Carousing!
-- Carousers:
--- Nobody: 3600 exp
--- Luna: 2800 exp
--- Beepbox: 1200 exp
--- Andromeda: 4000 exp
--- Ratman: 1000 exp

Foes:

- A vengeful Achillobator (250 exp)
- An ambushed Gigantosaurus (1500 exp)
Total: 1750 exp

Events:

--- Down and Out in Neo Spacedin
- The party is back at their camp, looking at their wagons full of preserved food, wondering how they’ll get them back to the new town of Neo Spacedin without their various steeds. Thankfully, a bunch of space marines show up to help them get it all home! Lovely!
- They’re soon back in Neo Spacedin and it’s been a long long time since they were able to just spend some time in a town. They’ve built up a lot of social capital by healing the rift between man and Mod-Con. Currency is out, social capital is in! It’s space communism baby!
- They’ve also got to hold a wake for poor Flowers Penurious. Andromeda gets to work consecrating a new Church of POWERLAD to have the funeral in. She can’t enter it without crippling her vampire powers, but that’s a small price to pay for religion!
- They spend a month in Neo Spacedin in the end, though Nobody’s barbarian presence makes the debauchery that much more debauched. Nobody is conned by a conman. Luna has a strange sexual situation with a genderswapped version of herself and a literal swine. Beepbox gambles big on drone races and loses. Ratman is just a massive bell-end all night and gets a bad reputation.
- Only Andromeda survives the carousing unscathed, despite having consumed by far the most booze (or at least, booze-soaked blood) and ending up like a horrific tick sitting at the bar.

--- On the Road Again
- We come back to the party as they’re preparing to set off from Neo Spacedin. The new town is lovely, but these barrels of iron rations are practically worthless here since they’ve got all the pizza they’d ever want via the UFO’s replicators.
- Unfortunately the rain is torrential so they’ve got to wait a few days. Andromeda sends a space marine, name of Private Parts, off to Mt Death Frost to inform the vampires of the nation-state of Neo Spacedin. Her message to Bertha - they are independent of Styx and seek an alliance.
- The marine returns a few days later as the party’s wagon-train prepares to set off. He’s significantly more pale and has big fangs now. Obviously a vampire! In his woozy bloodless state he tells Andromeda the message from the vampires… “We’re coming”.

- Andromeda and Red decide to hang back at Neo Spacedin to confront the oncoming vampires in case there’s some sort of combat situation. The others leave in the wagon train, presuming that their slow off-road speed will make it easy for the others to catch them up. Onwards!

--- Revenge of the Achillobator
- Proudly ensconced in their upgraded wagons, the wagon train rumbles off over the savannah. Their goal - hit the edge of the jungle then follow it down to the edge of the dome. From there they can follow the dome itself around to the exit.
- The wagons themselves have been upgraded by various ridiculous means into specialised off-road vehicles, powered by jet-packs, drones, and even living segways. Beepbox has managed to create an emoji-based communication method with his new friend the drone, and upgraded it with a ray-gun so he can authorise drone strikes.
- As they reach the jungle, Nobody sees eyes flashing at him from the ferns. Thinking nothing of it, he follows the wagon train as they turn south to follow the jungle’s edge… and a huge raptor-like dinosaur bursts from the underbrush and leaps at the side of his wagon! It’s the same achillobator that was possessed by Galaxy Johnson, here for revenge!
- As the creature’s massive claw slashes in through the window and scrapes his skin, he reaches for the shotgun he picked up from Neo Spacedin! Nobody blasts at it and cries for help!
- Unfortunately everybody else’s wild shots back at his wagon hit Nobody. Nobody screams, rays and beams peppering him, firing another shotgun shell into the dinosaur’s jaw! Luna shudders, an alien force manifesting through her body, and shadowy tendrils bind the dinosaur to the ground!
- The beast reels, pulled away from the moving wagon by the binding shadow, and Beepbox’s drone flies past with its rotors whirring! The achillobator’s head is severed from its body, plopping into Nobody’s lap and bleeding all over the upholstery.
- He kicks it into the passenger seat and jumps out of the slow-moving wagon. Nobody slices the beast’s huge claws off to use as daggers. Nobody’s first nemesis - defeated!

--- The Vampires Cometh

- Meanwhile in Neo Spacedin, Andromeda sees the horizon full of black specks as hundreds of bats swarm towards the town. She waves the last of the town’s population into her new church, they’ll be safer from the vampires in there. The body of Private Parts is in there too - he asked to be unvampired by Bertha, so she sucked him dry. He’ll be back to normal if exposed to dawn’s light.
- Bertha descends amongst a cloud of bats. It’s tense… until Bertha starts talking and apologises for the worry! Turns out Private Parts was a bit of an idiot and got the wrong end of the stick! She agrees not to suck anyone without consent and to form a general anti-Styx alliance. All is well!
- They draw up a contract and prepare to sign in blood, when suddenly the wording of the contract shifts and shimmers and Andromeda’s hand bursts off! The hand blackens and withers and suddenly grows into a spider-priest! She looks back at her arm and finds her hand is still there, but the spider-priest is very real!
- He tells them that he’s been cursed with legal knowledge, charged with notarising contracts by Sir Robyn who keeps turning up despite being dead in every timeline. After chatting with Red and the ghost of Lonely Blade, the contract is duly notarised! Hurrah!
- With the situation resolved amicably, Red and Andromeda jump-pack back along the wagon-tracks to catch up with the rest of the party.

--- The Sun Gun
- They catch up a few hours later, finding the rest of the party with their wagons parked discussing what to do about the massive theropod stomping around a strange black obelisk a quarter mile away.
- They’ve got the jump on it, so they decide to go all-out! Red unloads a hail of riflefire, Nobody fires a magna-cannon, Beepbox snipes with his beam rifle, and Ratman sends in a couple of rats with grenades! The Gigantosaurus is practically blown to bits, with Andromeda taking the kill via a bat-form aerial drop onto its neck. It didn’t stand a chance!
- The grenade did something strange to the obelisk though. A voice echoing in everyone’s minds booms out that the local star will be swapped for another in 30 standard time intervals. The party look at each other in concern… the sun’s going to be swapped?!
- Beepbox comes to the rescue! Using his miraculous ability to speak with anything, he lays a hand on the obelisk and speaks to its machine spirit. He manages to deactivate the sun-swap protocol and undeploy the obelisk. It folds down like paper and reveals a silver cylinder within.
- Wondering why the fuck anybody would want this device, least of all need it, Andromeda flies up in bat-form to the still-ascending DJ-GJ hybrid. Galaxy Johnson says he brought it from his homeworld because it seemed rad, it must have fallen out in the crash!
- We end the session on a speculative note. What if they actually fired the gun at the sun? What if a vampire ended up inside the sun? What would happen to the planet if the sun was a different size? Beepbox insists he should be able to reprogram it to swap anything… but what would he do with such power? Only time can tell...

Total: 5000 exp

Team Bonus:

- Ace Attorney bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Fame bonus
- Holy bonus
- Leave a Man Behind bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- PETA bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Schindler’s bonus
- Social Justice Warrior bonus
- Split the Party bonus
- Tactical Fighting bonus

Total: 800 exp

Individual Bonus:

- Chronicler (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Izzy / Ratman - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Jonnathan / Luna - 100 exp)

- Vanguard (George / Nobody - 100 exp)
- Triage (Ollie / Beepbox - 100 exp)
- Chef (Ollie / Beepbox - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty - 500 exp)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 7 Andromedan Vampire: 136044 (Level up at 144000)

- Tim / Red, Level 7 Duellist Fighter: 73121 (Level up at 128000)

- Izzy / Ratman, Level 7 Ratman: 63420 (Level up at 96000)

- George / Nobody, Level 5 Barbarian: 31282 (Level up at 32000)

- Ollie / Beepbox Strawberry Stars de Moor, Level 5 Cleric of the New Eden: 20737 (Level up at 28000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1d6 Healing Pool! +1 Faith! +Saves Improve! +Backstory!

- Jonnathan / Luna, Level 4 Vampire Thrall: 12718 (Level up at 18000)
Level Up! +1 HP! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1 HP! +Backstory!