Session 147 - Lakes and Loose Ends

A terrorist is denied, Castigate Pox is rescued, and a lone Necromancer goes off on a solo adventure.
Somehow the game has formed a sort of natural denouement to the Moondin plot arc. With things more or less tied up and Castigate rescued, what does the future hold for our arguably brave adventurers?!

Onto the MAD COOL art we have this week:

- Tom finishes off his kickass TPK painting!

- Charles shows Zena's reaction to Castigate's return, Rake's bloated corpse still within

- Ollie earns the first ever Cosplay Bonus!

- I doodle Baba Jon's final form

“They all said I wouldn’ get to Varna. But dammit, I’ll show them!” The man flailed his arm dramatically. He was slurring badly. The girl watched intently, patiently. She knew it would not be long. “Who’s they, might I ask?” “The demon hunter… her political friends. Hacker’s cabinet.” The girl’s eyes snapped from the man’s numerous valuables to his face. “You knew Rake Hacker?” “Didn’ know the guy. But his cabinet I did… lousy turds. His cousin was tryin’ to gather up the ropes after Rake died. Never stood a chance…” “How did he die? Rake Hacker?” “Wow, you really have been abroad a long time, huh. Drowned in a lake. Shame, because he’d pledged his sword to the Fated Queen… he was goin’ up in the world.” Now the girl hung on the man’s every word. He would keep his possessions for just a little longer. The man leaned in, his breath stinking of Old Wallop. “But here’s why I left. See, there’s not actually ever been such thing as a Steward in Loegria. The term’s a Dutch import.” She was familiar with the title’s history – she’d been serving the Stadtholder in Amsterdam until only weeks before. “Makes sense to create the title during a crisis, but once Rake died, shit started stirrin’ fast. I jumped ship as soon as other parties started vyin’ for control. There’ll be knives a-flyin’, I tell you.” “I … don’t follow?” “Trust me, I’m a nobleman. I know my titles. See, the Stewards in Holland are hereditary. When the Stadtholder dies, the guy’s child takes over. And Rake Hacker had a daughter…” The girl’s eyes opened wide. The drunken man tossed his head back and laughed. “So there’s some poor kid somewhere who’s just become the rightful Steward of Moondin!”

- Tom writes some rad backstory fiction to cross over his new character

Session 147 - Lakes and Loose Ends

Campaign Date:
Friday, 5 August, 1660
Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Zodiac: Cancer

New Backstory:
- Ignatius was told to break the law.... and did! Following the instructions of a black grimoire, he killed his own father in bloody ritual. (+1 to hit guards, soldiers, and other forces of law and order)

Enemies Defeated:- Numerous kelpies (250 exp)

Total: 250 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- Castigate Pox returned!
- 1cp with Gifflewim's face on it (1 exp)

Total: 1 exp

Exploration:- First person/party to visit Hoop (100 exp)- First person/party to visit Fiskit (500 exp)
- First person/party to visit Rote (500 exp)
- Many miles of travel (900 exp)
Total: 2000 exp

Events:

- Ignatius Dark reads his book on vampires, and finds out there's a whole country of vampires called Voivodja which is pretty much where Transylvania is. (50 exp)
- Oh also the way to become a vampire is to be drained by one. If you want to be a free-willed vampire, the vampire who turned you must die. (50 exp)

- Ignatius decides to go off on his own, travel to the nearest port, and sail off on a solo adventure. (50 exp)
--- Ignatius

- Heading off on Pippi's Saudi's Mighty Lady, he leaves Moondin and heads east towards Fate. On the way, he greets a rider coming the other way who warns him about a warband holding the bridge ahead. (50 exp)
- Ignatius takes a detour, heading south to the coast so he'll eventually end up at port city Rote. (50 exp)
- The weather takes a turn as he goes, eventually pissing it down as night falls. Luckily he comes across a tavern, the Lemon & Lime, and goes in. (50 exp)
- Most notably there is an old guy in a wheelchair. A Knight of Science! Possibly the Knight of Science. It's unclear. Ignatius gets him a beer and learns a bit about the local area. (50 exp)
- The next morning, he continues on. Just before the seaside town of Fiskit he meets an army patrol group and has a chat. (50 exp)
- In the town he meets a man names Salty Jewels who is willing to sell him some "sea salties", jellyfish-esque blobs that allow one to breathe underwater! (50 exp)
- Salty Jewels gets a couple out of his personal watertight saltie-pouch and gives them to Ignatius, who has nowhere to put them. They soon dry out and pop, to Ignatius' consternation. (50 exp)
- He goes to the local church and prays to The Lady. It's obvious that the church was once devoted to a local sea deity, later retrofitted to the Nine when worshipping Low Gods was outlawed. (50 exp)
- He eventually leaves, riding along the coastal road until he reaches the port town of Rote, hoping to find a ship that will take him overseas. A mysterious woman watches from the shadows... (50 exp)
--- The Party

- Everyone else is in a tavern and see Ignatius run out the door. As he leaves, a strange old man enters the pub and approaches the party. (50 exp)
- He bears a message from Andromeda. Meet her in the forest in the place of her choosing, she has a proposition for them. (50 exp)
- After some debate, the offer is accepted. They'll go fresh and heavily armed though, since it's obviously a trap. (50 exp)
- Carrie Meleste reveals her horrific new business idea - undead sex toys made from aborted fetuses. Surprisingly, Zena says she's interested in backing the business. (50 exp)
- When the group arrives in the forest clearing, Andromeda is there with her hands open and empty. Beside her, Vanilla Honeybuns, one of her most trusted soldier-prostitutes. (50 exp)
- Andromeda proposes that she fund a trip to find El Dorado. What's in it for her? A 10% cut of treasures earned. (50 exp)
- The party deliberate for about 5 seconds before declining her kind offer. They leave on cordial terms and no blood is shed. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD wants to go dredge the nixie lake for Castigate. But first... to gain control of the Cult of the Ghost Dragon. (50 exp)
- He enters the dingy HQ of the cult and soon meets their leader, Dragonpriest Quimly. She agrees that there was a conspiracy - Rake didn't kill the Ghost Dragon. It was summoned to protect the city from Andromeda Spiderbite, the true enemy of the Ghost Dragon. (50 exp)
- The cult leader runs to his his red string conspiracy wall... moves a few pins and... the strings form the face of POWERLAD! The true saviour! The Ghost Dragon himself! (50 exp)
- Tremendo briefly shows up to ask some questions and freaks out Quimly who calls for someone to exterminate the rat! Tremendo eventually leaves, upset at his treatment. He briefly considers revenge but is stopped by POWERLAD's return. (50 exp)

- Zena heads to Necromancer HQ to meet up with Nexus Praxus, the big winner in all the political upheaval. He offers her a job, which she refuses. (50 exp)
- What he does do is agree to help with the Castigate Pox retrieval process, sending two of his most trusted Necromancers and 10 skeletons apiece to help dredge the lake. Hurrah! (50 exp)
- While waiting for this all to shake out, Zena meets up with Carrie. Together they invest 300sp in the admittedly Wild undead sex toy business. The name... Bone Alone. (50 exp)
- The party head out with their undead contingent. Virax and Mordus are their names, and they're the classic tall-guy-short-guy villainous henchmen team. (50 exp)
- The trees are alive with wooden-masked Elves. They fire some leaf-arrow warning shots at the party's feet, but the offer of weed mollifies them and they let the party pass. (50 exp)
- Reaching the lake, weed is passed around to the Necromancers to make them immune to nixie-charm. They send their skeletons into the water to look for Castigate. (50 exp)
- Tremendo grabs a fishing rod and heads around the lake a ways. He is approached by a beautiful white horse that he totally ignores until it goes away. (50 exp)
- Soon a sexy ratmaness emerges from the misty water. Tremendo chucks a rat at her and she leaves. (50 exp)
- How exactly to deal with the nixies is discussed at length. Eventually Nix comes up with her perfect team solution - a massive combo Beam glyph dubbed Dante's Inferno. (50 exp)
- They fire it up and it's a real beast! The electricity, heat, fire, and everything else pours into the lake! The skeletons are toast, naturally, and a phew wet explosive pops mark where nixies in the wrong place and time got exploded. (50 exp)
- Options are discussed at length. Diving bell? More runes? I roll to see what Castigate's fate actually was and... oh it turns out he's walking now. (50 exp)
- Castigate Pox stumbles out of the water, dragging his axe behind him, clearly the worse for wear. Someone opens his helmet only to be confronted with Rake's bloated and waterlogged face staring at them! (50 exp)
- Yes, Castigate animated Rake as a zombie and used him to animate the armour. He saw the light show on the surface and assumed it was a rescue party! (50 exp)
- Tremendo, still on the other side of the lake, decides to dive in... but when he sees the shadow of a fish he bugs out and returns to the party. (50 exp)
- Castigate tells the party he'll "walk it off" and follows them back to Moondin while they update him on the political situation. (50 exp)
- Back at Moondin, we end with Rake's closed casket funeral. Tears are shed, his coffin effigy is carved pantsless, and wizards fly Red Arrows-style overhead. Goodbye Rake, you will be remembered. (50 exp)

Total: 1950 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)

- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Bookworm bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)- Internecine Strife bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Long Deliberation bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Mad Inventor bonus (50 exp)
- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)
- Politico bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Spoopy bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)

Total: 900 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Tom / Ignatius - 100 exp)

- Caller (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)

- Treasurer (Charles / Zena - 100 exp)
- Guard (Ollie / Tremendo - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom, Charles - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Tom, Charles - 100 exp ea.)
- Cosplay bonus (Ollie - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Fraser, Tom, Charles - 100 exp)
--- Rake's Funeral
- POWERLAD: 2000 exp
- Nix: 600 exp
- Tremendo: 600 exp
- Zena: 600 exp
- Andromeda: 2500 exp

Active Businesses:
- Bone Alone. Wild. 300sp. (Zena's Stake: 200sp, Carrie's Stake: 100sp)

Death Toll and Injuries:

- None!

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 6 Barbarian: 33052 (Level up at 64000)*DING!* +1d8 HP! +2 rolls on Barbarian Levelup Table! 6 rounds Rage!- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 30987 (Level up at 36000)
- Charles / Zena, Level 5 Fighter: 26722 (Level up at 32000)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 14651 (Level up at 28000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! +Saves! +1 level 3 spell/day! +1 level 2 spell/day!- Tom / Ignatius Darke, Level 3 Necromancer: 4552 (Level up at 9000)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell/day! +free spell!

- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! Max Rats: 4!

Absent or Retired:- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2303 exp
- Tom / Rake's Daughter: +14907 exp
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 19872 (Level up at 36000)*DING!* +1d4 HP! +Saves +1 level 3 spell/day! +1 level 1 spell/day! +free spell!
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- Tom / Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Session 146 - Baba Jon, Arise!

Is this the first time that somebody's actually solved a long-running campaign issue? Probably yes!
With Henry leaving forever Blue Jon manages to digivolve into a NEW Baba Yaga, dubbed Baba Jon, possibly with a side line in pizza delivery.

The rituals that once kept the tentacle down are back! And all for the price of one measly virgin per year. What a savings!

The Heart of Thorns is now partially explored. What else is in there? Lots of mould, at the very least!

Gifflewim the magic item seller guy makes a re-appearance! Yet another cameo from times long past, it's funny how old characters popping up feel like references for the fans of the original series.

And finally, Moondin's political landscape gets yet another shakeup. The Politics subsystem was a great success (from my side of the table) but some unfortunate vote-splitting by characters on very similar platforms left them without enough clout to swing the vote their way.
Moondin is controlled by an alliance between the pragmatic Red Light and the pro-Necromancy Duvan'Ku, leaving the unfortunate Pro-military faction well and truly beaten. The Red Dead Alliance rules Moondin now, and the status quo is restored.

Rather than transcribe all the politicking, I've just attached the transcript to this email. Easy!

ART:

- Tom grants us a final (?) look at the Moondin Trumpet

 

- Tom also shows us Insanity Mammoth, the surprising political powerhouse

- James augments with classic political colouring

- And again

- Charles supplies Remembrancer art

POLITICS:

Session 146 - Baba Jon, Arise!

Campaign Date:
Monday, 1 August, 1660
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Zodiac: Cancer

New Characters:
- Tremendo Picante, handsome Ratman son of a Privrateer and a Portuguese ratmaness.

- Ignatius Dark, nightwatchman from a line of impoverished nobility, read super double extra forbidden tomes and became a Necromancer.

Enemies Defeated:- A Filled Man (250 exp)
- Three mould junkies (30 exp)

Total: 280 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- Baba Yaga's Broom
- Another leaf-arrow

Total: 0 exp

Exploration:- Explored 4 dungeon areas (80 exp)- Travelled 24 miles or so (80 exp)
Total: 740 exp

Events:

- It is Henry's last session, so in exchange for a tray of shots Blue Jon supercharges his Locate Object spell in order to discover the location of Baba Yaga's Broom! (50 exp)
- It's inside the Heart of Thorns, but not too far in. The group head into the foyer, most with POWERLAD-created breather helmets and Take-Earth-Light runes turned on. (50 exp)
- Redeye cigarettes are passed around, and infravision turns on. Everything is damp blues and greys. The foyer drips, and the spongey floor makes movement slow. (50 exp)

- New arrival Tremendo summons a rat, and the most dashing hat-wearing cane-toting rat springs from the ceiling! At least, that's what he sees. Everyone else sees the most horrible manky mouldy rat ooze out of a crack. (50 exp)
- He gets it to explore the next room, and the rat is stoked to report that it's a lovely room with a purple pile in it! (50 exp)
- The purple mould lump doesn't block the way, but it would need to be crawled over. "Fuck that" say all. Blue Jon casts Reduce on the lump, shrinking it. Zena preps a rune. (50 exp)
- It's a fire beam! She gets a direct hit, causing the lump to burst out with a massive spray of purple mould!! Everyone's fine since they've got anti-mould runes on... except for Zena herself. (50 exp)
- It's an ANGERY MOULD. Turns out POWERLAD's breather helmet was ineffective! Zena goes berzerk, turning to fire beam her friends! (50 exp)

- POWERLAD steps in with a patent Sleep Slap, and Zena's down for the count. Raaf eyes her, suspicious for signs of the capital-M Mould, but she seems fine. POWERLAD and Raaf drag her out and leave her on the grass. (50 exp)
- The purple lump has blown its spore-wad, so it's safe! The Zena-less party traverses past it, heading north. As they do so, an exit from the room collapses in. Luckily a non-critical exit. (50 exp)
- Continuing on, they run into some mould people! Three junkies and a hulking Filled Man! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD flanks while Raaf charges in. Ignatius swaps in Ectenic Blast and throws the Filled Man backwards, sending him bowling through the junkies. While they're down, POWERLAD goes to town with hammers. (50 exp)
- Raaf is smashed by the Filled Man, his rune turns off, he holds his breath... but miraculously his breather helmet actually works! (50 exp)
- Blue Jon blasts the Filled Man with magic missile kestrels! It blasts many chunks of mould off its body... but it stays standing! (50 exp)
- Raaf strikes in at the nearly-dead Filled Man, and in a single cleaving strike finishes off the mould junkies at the same time! What a hit! Working quickly, he re-activates the mould rune. Phew. (50 exp)
- Zena, outside, stirs. The first thing she sees is one of those leaf-tipped arrows, and something jumping and rustling through the trees overhead. She decides to just chill outside. (50 exp)
- The next room has... the Broom! Unfortunately there are a bunch of placid-looking Junkies and Filled Men in here, all standing near a big swollen lump. On top of the lump, the Broom. (50 exp)
- Boss battles are for fools! Tremendo simply crawls along the ceiling and lowers his rat friend down by his tail. He grabs the Broom and stealthily crawls back across. Easy! (50 exp)
- Bullshit saves the day! The party quickly quietly carefully get back out, finding a relaxed Zena sitting outside. Broom get! (50 exp)
- Tremendo tests it out, fly Broom! Fly! But it doesn't work. Turns out that it leaves a trail of slippery surface behind it though. Basically the broom creates a surface, the mortar hovers over the surface, and the pestle steers. All together, flight! (50 exp)
- They head back to Moondin, surprisingly successful! (50 exp)
- Ignatius grabs a book on vampires from the library and has a read. Yes, they exist and yes, this book will tell you how to become one. (50 exp)
- They head on over to the Alabaster Oracle's home. The Guard have guarded well, and rotting calimari rings mark where the tentacles have been slain. (50 exp)
- She emerges from her cave and announces that Blue Jon's fate has changed once more! He will live forever! (50 exp)
- The mortar and pestle are grabbed and Blue Jon drives around in it like a bumper car. The group, including the Oracle, follow the floating Blue Jon north towards the great frog statue. (50 exp)
- On the way, they meet a strange man... it's Gifflewim! Who, of course, nobody here has ever met before. Yes, the oft-robbed travelling magic merchant is here, and will trade interesting things for other interesting things. (50 exp)
- Zena trades the broken breather helmet for a pair of spectacles. One lens lets you see things as they truly are, the other lets you see things as you wish them to be. (50 exp)
- Trade accomplished, he wanders on. He informs the party that he can be summoned by whispering his name beneath the full moon. The players already know this, of course. (50 exp)
- Finally they reach the frog. Husband and wife reunited! Near the frog is the corpse of that one Extra who stayed to listen to its stories. It was just that boring. (50 exp)
- With all the items gathered together, the ritual can begin! There is one catch - someone must sacrifice themselves to become Baba Yaga's body and ego. (50 exp)
- Blue Jon accepts! He shall become the NEW Baba Yaga! Blue Jon takes the blue Control ending! (50 exp)
- A great ritual is enacted. The Alabaster Oracle, the remnants of Baba Yaga's magical soul, combines with the Frog, the remnants of Baba Yaga's ancient mind. Together they merge with Blue Jon, who arises cackling upon the Pestle and Mortar! (50 exp)
- There is mild "oh maybe this wasn't a good idea" as the frog statue melts into a large stone egg, but Baba Jon picks it up and flies off towards the great Tentacle. (50 exp)
- There is a distant scream as someone in the forest is grabbed to be the first sacrifice. Magical bolts blast the tentacle, the great stone egg is hung from the chains, and the sacrifice is sacrificed. (50 exp)
- It's meant to be all dramatic and witchy but I sort of fucked up the delivery oh welllll. Long story short, there's a witch now and the tentacle situation's pretty much sorted for the foreseeable future (50 exp)
- With an hour or so of session STILL TO GO, the party head to Moondin and hit up the political scene. With Rake and Castigate gone, a new Steward is needed. (50 exp)
- There are 5 main factions supported by a variety of interest groups who lobby for them. Political subsystem go! Military, Duvan'Ku, Red Light, Ghost Dragon and Mould vie for popularity. (50 exp)
- Raaf throws his hat in the ring, as does the left-field entrant of Insanity Mammoth and the even lefter field entrant of Tremendo with his political platform of free marmalade for all. (50 exp)
- The goal: Win the support of as many interest groups as you can. The person with the most political support will become the next Steward! (50 exp)
- It's media interview time and everyone gets grilled. The most powerful political figure in the room - Singular Thay. Androgynous ambassador for the Crowns and representative of the Dead Peace. (50 exp)
- Insanity Mammoth takes a hardline stance against magic and Necromancy. Raaf takes a more practical military-focused stance. Tremendo doesn't know what's going on and doubles down on free marmalade for all. (50 exp)
- Taking a look at the lay of the political land in Moondin, various factions are perused. Raaf and Insanity Mammoth both court the military-supporting interest groups, unbenownst to them splitting the vote and massively undermining the military faction's support base. (50 exp)
- Tremendo tries his best but only the very desperate would support a ratman candidate. (50 exp)

- At last, it's time to count the results! Insanity Mammoth's hardline anti-magic stance, generally unopposed, has managed to garner a whole 16% of the political support base! (50 exp)
- Raaf managed only 8%, and Tremendo 4%. The Military faction's support was crippled, leaving the Red Light and Duvan'Ku factions with the majority of the support. They join forces, forming the Red Dead Alliance. Moondin is under new management... and it's not anybody in the party (50 exp)
- Dispirited by his political loss, Raaf decides to retire from adventuring and go full-time as the leader of the town guard. Insanity Mammoth runs screaming into the forest. Tremendo, however, seems to take it in stride! (50 exp)
- Next session, a new chapter? (50 exp)

Total: 2350 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)

- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Bookworm bonus (50 exp)
- Breach and Clear bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Operator as Fuck bonus (50 exp)
- Politico bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Spoopy bonus (50 exp)

Total: 850 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Zena - 100 exp)

- Caller (Henry / Baba Jon- 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)

- Treasurer (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Tremendo - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom / Ignatius - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Henry / Baba Jon - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom, Charles, James - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Fraser, Tom - 100 exp)
- Good End bonus (Henry - +500 exp to next character)
- Noble Sacrifice bonus (Henry - +1000 exp to next character)

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Blue Jon, willingly sacrificed his body and soul to resurrect Baba Yaga

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 5 Barbarian: 31401 (Level up at 32000)
- Henry / Blue Jon Goujon, Level 5 Magic-User
*REBORN*
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 28036 (Level up at 36000)
- Charles / Zena, Level 5 Fighter: 24871 (Level up at 32000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Tom / Ignatius Dark, Level 2 Necromancer: 3201 (Level up at 4500)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 1 spell/day! +free spell!

- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 1 Ratman: 1003 (Level up at 1500)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2303 exp

Absent or Retired:- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 4 Cleric: 13800 (Level up at 14000)
- Tom / Rake's Daughter: +14907 exp
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 17372 (Level up at 18000)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- Tom / Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Session 145 - The Lake That Claimed Rake

A great tragedy this week!
The death of Rake, and the loss of Castigate Pox. The joint leaders of Moondin lost to the nixies. Alas!

The power vacuum is filled, for now, by Grand Vizier Blue Jon. He has called a week of mourning and weed legalisation in response, hoping to buy time for a new plan (and ruler!) to be instated.

And, of course, the Heart of Thorns has been raided in an attempt to find Baba Yaga's broom. With this last piece, the tentacle might be chained forever. 

It's Henry's last session next week before he heads to China, so let's hope it's a good one!

- Tom renders the last moments of Rake's life

- I doodle the last time anyone saw Rake

- Charles illustrates the recap in his signature style

Session 145 - The Lake That Claimed Rake

Campaign Date:
Tuesday, 17 July, 1660
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent
Zodiac: Gemini

New Backstory:
- During a cold cold winter, Carrie gave what little extra clothing she had... to those who gave her respect (While taking a break to heal, can grant your healing to another instead)
- Raaf saw the horrors of war first-hand when his unit's planned attack was caught in heavy crossfire due to the actions of a lazy commander. Raaf lost trust in the command as a result. (+2 to AC and Saves for a 10 minute turn after a plan goes awry)
Enemies Defeated:- 2 tentacles (40 exp)

Total: 40 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- Baba Yaga's Mortar
- 4000sp (4000 exp)
- Saphire-set silver necklace (2800 exp)

Total: 6800 exp

Exploration:- First party to reach the Nixie Pool (300 exp)- First party to enter the Heart of Thorns (300 exp)
- Explored several dungeon areas (60 exp)
- 24 miles of travel (80 exp)
Total: 740 exp

Events:

- Gearing up for a struggle, the party spend some moolah to sleep in Splendid conditions! Such luxury! (50 exp)
- On the way, Rake and Castigate have a chat. We discover that the Dead Peace was negotiated by an ambassador called Singular Thay, and that Castigate knows the Fated Queen's true name. (50 exp)
- Her name... was Jade. (50 exp)
- Shock and disbelief around the table! But how!? Regardless, the troupe sets off towards the nixie pool and the second item in Blue Jon's fetch quest. (50 exp)
- They ride and/or trudge through the forest, taking a detour towards the Alabaster Oracle's home cave. Her reading of Blue Jon's future has changed! How bizarre! (50 exp)
- She also gives the party better directions to the nixie lake. Blue Jon's map was fairly accurate, but may have gotten them lost. On thw way, a leaf-shaped arrow is found. (50 exp)- After following the road then turning off to follow a stream, by late morning the party find themselves at a mist-shrouded lake! (50 exp)
- When they stop, faint sounds of splashing and tinkling laughter and horse whinnies can be heard. Surely it's the nixies! (50 exp)
- Meta-knowledge is compared by those who checked wikipedia. The verdict - nobody's sure what nixies do because they've got a lot of contradictory fairytale bullshit going on. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD and Nix begin building a raft from rope and wood. (50 exp)

- Blue Jon calls out across the water... and soon a beautiful white horse steps out of the mist and onto the land. It whinnies and motions with its head. (50 exp)
- "Oh it's definitely a kelpie, don't ride it!", says POWER!KITTY. Her warning is immediately ignored in order to debate more important stuff, such as "it can't be a kelpie, we've seen kelpies and they were kelp ladies" (50 exp)
- Instead of getting on the totally-not-kelpie-just-a-beautiful-intelligent-horse-that-lives-in-a-lake, Rake gets on his horse and follows it into the water with a rope about his waist. (50 exp)
--- On the Shore
- The party on the shore lose sight of him in the mist, and soon after the rope goes taut! POWERLAD and Nix run to keep hold. (50 exp)
- Soon there is frantic tugging on the rope, and maybe faintly some talking. There is a loud splash and some great pressure begins pulling the rope inexorably. (50 exp)
- The party haul on it. Their feet slip in the mud, but they grit their teeth and stand firm! (50 exp)
- Blue Jon lets go of the rope and casts Fly, swooping out to investigate what's going on! He follows the direction of the rope, seeing a roiling mass of bubbles with a faint glow deep below. (50 exp)
- The pressure on the rope keeps building and eventually it's too much, the rope slips, and the group fall down in a big tangle. Rake's horse, panicked, emerges from the water and has to be calmed down. The end of the rope slithers into the water. Rake is just... gone. (50 exp)
- Blue Jon, from the air, sees several feminine shapes in the water. He hears a bright voice call out for him to fly down and join them. (50 exp)
- He refuses to fly down, but he does bare his loins to the general jeers of the watery women below. Embarrassed, he swoops up to detect the magical mortar he's after. (50 exp)
- It's there! In the middle of the lake! He spell-swaps a Floating Disk underneath it, to the chagrin of the women lounging in it. (50 exp)
- They attempt some sort of watery mind-magic but Blue Jon's too high to care. He flies back to the main group, Floating Disk skipping like a stone over the water beneath him. (50 exp)
- The nixies bail when they realise they have no power of the stoner mind, and hen Blue Jon arrives it's discovered that the nixies were keeping a bunch of treasure in there! (50 exp)
- Sadly, the group heads back towards Moondin. One day, perhaps, they'll dredge the lake for Castirake's corpse. But that day is not this day. (50 exp)
--- Beneath the Surface
- Rake and his horse follow the not-kelpie into the lake until they reach the end of the rope. Not wanting to go further, he pats the not-kelpie to tell it that he's turning around. (50 exp) 
- His hand gets stuck. The water horse turns its head right around and bares its teeth in an equine grin, staring right at him. (50 exp)
- The water ripples and a face forms, looking like it's carved from glass before the water drips back and reveals a woman's head. "You look a little stuck!" she giggles. (50 exp)
- Rake tugs on the rope for help. His horse panics. The definitely-kelpie drops like a stone, pulling Rake off his horse and into the lake. (50 exp)
- In his ear, Castigate says "Activating air!" and charges an air rune! Unfortunately it's more like a hairdryer of fresh air blasting into Rake's mouth, but it's better than nothing. (50 exp)
- Unnoticed and unthought of, Diocletian the baby basilisk drowns under Rake's armour. (50 exp)
- Beneath the water they all have invisible woman-style transparent bodies. At a distance, the shadow of a great fish circles. (50 exp)
- Rake can't talk to the kelpies since he's got the air blowing straight into his mouth and he feels a cool touch on his wang. (50 exp)
- As Charles writes in the recap, (50 exp)

- The horse and the kelpies continue dragging him down... but his friends holding the other end of the rope are holding on tight! Rather than sinking straight down, he arcs like a pendulum at the end of the rope. (50 exp)
- One whispers in his ear that she's untying the rope. There's not much he can do to stop her. (50 exp)
- The rope goes limp around Rake's waist. He's alone. At least he can spool the rope in. He attaches a grapnel and tries to throw it at the fish... no chance underwater (50 exp)
- With his other hand he swings Castigate the greataxe at the definitely-maybe-kelpie, doing no damage due to the water slowing the blow. (50 exp)
- The kelpies form line in front of Rake's face, the line of refracting images creating a single perfect face and speaking in perfect unison - "Turn off the air, Rake". (50 exp)
- He doesn't! Instead he throws the grapnel-rope in front of himself, Castigate prepares a ghost blast, and together they blast the grapnel at the fish!!! (50 exp)
- It misses. (50 exp)
- Rake resigns himself to having to fuck his way out of this predicament, and grabs at the waist of the nearest kelpie. His finges go right through her body. She laughs lightly. "You know we weren't actually going to fuck you, right? We're going to eat your soul!" (50 exp)
- Rake finally realises that they actually didn't want to have sex after all!! What a twist? (50 exp)
- He's reached the bottom and out of options. Castigate's exhausted. The nixies line up again... and the Charm works. "Stay with us, Rake", they say. And he does. (50 exp)
- He unbuckles Castigate and allows the armour to fall to the treasure-strewn lake bottom. He breathes the dark clear water into his lungs. His last thought is of his long-lost daughter, and how he wishes he'd given her a better future... (50 exp)
--- The Way Home

- Without Rake, the party heads home with a sad song in their hearts. The mortar, filled with treasure, floats an inch above the ground and is easily pushed. (50 exp)
- On the way past the Alabaster Oracle they drop off the mortar so that she can look after it for them. (50 exp)
- They come into Moondin in the early evening, and rumours of Rake's fate begin to spread. Before they get too out of control, the Grand Vizier Blue Jon makes a public announcement. (50 exp)
- He confirms the demise of Rake Hacker, declares a week of mourning for the fallen Steward, names Raaf van Held as the city's new interim Steward, and finally announces - weed is now legal!!! (50 exp)
- A bit of admin and a few days rest, then the group gear up for their assault on the Heart of Thorns and the final item! Hurrah! (50 exp)
- On the way, they go to check in with the Oracle... but it seems a couple of big ol' tentacles are bashing at her door! They're distracted though, so easily dispatched with a cavalry charge. (50 exp)
- Turns out that the Oracle's home started getting attacked soon after Blue Jon dropped off the mortar. Curious. (50 exp)
- Raaf sends some of the city guard to help protect the Oracle's caves, and she gives Blue Jon another reading and sees... he will die after the Heart of Thorns?! (50 exp)
- Zena tries to get a prophecy but is told that SHE WILL DIE should she return to this place!!! (50 exp)
- On the way to the Heart of Thorns, another leaf-shaped arrow is found. Different leaf, different veins, but similarly leaf-like. (50 exp)
- After some time they reach the Heart of Thorns - a big pile of detritus and thorny bushes. An obvious entrance is formed at a place where the hill has collapsed... or perhaps blown open. (50 exp)
- The party charge their anti-mould runes, get torches ready and smoke some infravision-granting Red Eye Cigarettes before heading in. (50 exp)
- As they enter, it is obvious that the whole hill is made of many many dead and mould-infested creatures, built up over the long long years into a huge mound. (50 exp)
- The tear in the side of the mound oozes viscous liquid, pulsing slowly, trying to heal. Several conveniently dungeon-corridor-sized channels have formed due to collapses of the internal structure (50 exp)
- There is a sound of voices playing card games from one of several corridors, purplish vegetation in another. The possible options are investigated before the party withdraws. Next session, the interior! (50 exp)

Total: 2950 exp

Misc:
- Best of Intentions  bonus (50 exp)

- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Death bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Politico bonus (50 exp)
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- Why Did You Touch That bonus (50 exp)

Total: 650 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Zena - 100 exp)

- Caller (Tom / ??? - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)

- Treasurer (James / Raaf - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Henry / Blue Jon - 100 exp)
- Guard (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Henry / Blue Jon - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom, Charles - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Lonely Death bonus (Tom - 500 exp)

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Rake Hacker, dragged to the bottom of a lake by nixies where he eventually drowned.

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 5 Barbarian: 30598 (Level up at 32000)
- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 5 Fighter: 29813 (Level up at 32000)*DECEASED*
- Henry / Blue Jon Goujon, Level 5 Magic-User: 28404 (Level up at 36000)
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 27333 (Level up at 36000)
- Charles / Zena, Level 5 Fighter: 23968 (Level up at 32000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14135 (Level up at 16000)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 4 Cleric: 13800 (Level up at 14000)- Tom / Tom's next character: +2298 exp (+14907 exp if child of Rake = 17205 exp)

Absent or Retired:- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Ollie / Ollie's next character: +300 exp
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 17372 (Level up at 18000)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- Tom / Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Session 144 - Into the Zombie Hole

Phew! Finally managed to squeeze in the recap.
I'd make excuses but we've been together pretty much every day for a whole week!

So, moving onto art and such:

-- Tom gives us SO MANY THINGS and this recap is SO LATE but THANK YOU TOM

Session 144 - Into the Zombie Hole

Campaign Date:
Wednesday, 10 July, 1660
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent
Zodiac: Gemini

New Characters:
- Bob the Dwarf, a surprisingly brave ex-midwife

New Backstory:
- Carrie Meleste rewards her followers for their submissive behaviour, to the delight of her clientele. (Once per round, may give an order. The recipient gets +1 to carrying out that order)
- In the midst of gruelling and brutal war, Raaf allowed his troops to desert and escape the meatgrinder. A noble sacrifice indeed. (When fleeing, may grant your flee die to another)
Enemies Defeated:- 3 undead wolves (225 exp)
- 12 zombies (120 exp)
- Mr Zombiemaster (100 exp)

Total: 545 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- Baba Yaga's Pestle - Conserves momentum until it hits something.
- Bonebreath - A staff with a skull on it and ghostly blue glowing eyes.
- Packet of Redeye Cigarettes
- The Necromancer's grimoire

Total: 0 exp

Exploration:- Explored several dungeon areas (80 exp)
- 12 miles of travel (40 exp)
Total: 120 exp

Events:

- We open with Blue Jon and Rake on the floating zombie island, and the rest of the party separated by the zombie-infested water. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD constructs a raft from wood and rope, and Zena tests it by punting out across the water. Unfortunately it breaks, and she falls in! (50 exp)
- Zena is pulled back, using groaning zombie heads like stepping stones to get back to land (50 exp)
- Since that didn't work, POWERLAD activates Fly and just ferries everyone across that way. Hurrah! (50 exp)
- Everyone is airdropped onto the island and meets up with Blue Jon and Rake who have already descended into the hole in the hut... (50 exp)
- Inside the zombie island is a passage hollowed out, grasping hands reach from all sides making movement difficult. (50 exp)
- The first room seems to have some patches of fuzzy carpet embedded in the floor. Blue Jon, paranoid, pokes one with his sword... (50 exp)
- He was right to be paranoid! Undead wolves burst out from the floor and bite at him! (50 exp)
- Rake steps forth with his enormous axe, Zena begins charging a rune, Carrie starts casting Turn Undead, arrows are fired and defensive positions are taken. (50 exp)
- Blue Jon fires a pistol... and it misfires! He's blinded by the flash, and the pistol itself spins off into the dark. (50 exp)
- Castirake is hit by a wolf, and the yellow fluid dripping from their teeth is revealed to be ghoul poison! The yellow muck seeps under the armour and Rake falls to his knees, stunned. (50 exp)
- The zombie arms coming from the walls and floor grapple anyone who's not constantly moving. Zena's rune is interrupted but Carrie's isn't! Blue Jon's familiar leads him out of the danger zone. (50 exp)
- Raaf stuffs a bunch of straw into a pistol to intentionally cause a misfire, then chucks it into the room! It's a partial success, and the blinding flash blinds a single wolf and Raaf himself. (50 exp)
- Zena stands over Rake, protecting him, while Bob cannonballs into one of the other wolves and murders it! (50 exp)
- Turn Undead goes off! It causes all the zombie arms to retract, and the hallway to even widen a bit as the zombies try to get away. (50 exp)- Zena protects Rake as best she can, but gets poisoned by one of the wolves for her trouble. She stays standing. (50 exp)
- Rake feels his muscles grinding as he resists the stun, but manages to cleave through both the remaining wolves with one massive swing of his massive axe! (50 exp)
- The party rest and recuperate for a bit, listening out for danger. They hear a voice, quickly hushed, giving orders. (50 exp)
- Blue Jon yells rude words at the voice, to no effect. (50 exp)
- They follow the corridor towards the voice, and run into a spiky trap! Luckily no casualties, but a fair amount of bruising. (50 exp)
- At last, they enter the main central room. The pestle is there! Upright in a hollowed-out hole in the zombie-filth-mat ground. (50 exp)
- Tons of zombies and stuff can be seen behind it. Rake moves up to the pestle and... "Surprise motherfucker!" The Zombiemaster guy is lying down in the hole! (50 exp)
- He ghost-blasts Rake into the ceiling, where he's grappled by a bunch of reaching zombies. The pestle moves in its hole and the whole island shudders! It's like a tiller! Several people fall to the ground. (50 exp)
- Zena dives to the ground and fires a scattershot charge at the zombies. Wide impact, but only one falls! (50 exp)

- Powerlad shots web under where Rake will land, also catching a whole bunch of zombies in the radius. Rake falls and has a soft landing. Phew! (50 exp)
- Bob the Dwarf cannonballs into a zombie's crotch, killing it. Meanwhile Blue Jon is trying to slap Castirake awake. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD jumps over the pestle-hole containing Mr Zombiemaster, sees him, and casts a Magic Missile! (50 exp)
- He plummets into the guy with a massive multi-hit combo that ends with Zombiemaster's arm being ground off at the shoulder by the pestle. Badass! (50 exp)
- His last words before POWERLAD stamps onto his face are "Please! I just wanted to make the best zombies!" (50 exp)
- The zombie hands reach out of the ground and tear his flesh to shreds, Shaun of the Dead style. (50 exp)
- The remaining zombies slump to the ground... and the island itself begins shaking as gobs of zombie flesh and filth begin raining from the ceiling. (50 exp)
- Time to bounce, but first - loot! The pestle, the Necromancer's skull staff and grimoire, and a packet of cigarettes are looted. (50 exp)
- The island continues to fall to bits as the zombies lose cohesion. The party manage to reach the surface in time to get crushed in, like what happened to John Snow after the Battle of the Bastards. (50 exp)
- Castigate discovers he's got new powers - Ghost Duel allows him to challenge a foe to single combat in the Ghost Dimension (50 exp)

- The Alabaster Oracle is pleased that they seized the Pestle! One down, two to go! They let her look after it for them. (50 exp)

- A shopping spree ensues as the party gear up for the next fetch quest item, and it turns out Construct Wars is on in the arena! (50 exp)
- Gambling, tripped up by more poor grasp of my own rules, ensues! (50 exp)
- It's Lance Corporeal vs Team Euphemism, with Lance Corporeal eventually seizing the day! Much money is won! (50 exp)

- Rake and Raaf philanthropise with their winnings. Such generosity! Rake's contribution is particularly well received and yet another statue to Rake is built in the town. He's really good at branding, I'll give him that. (50 exp)

Total: 2000 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Bookworm bonus (50 exp)
- Breach and Clear bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Gambling Problem bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Spoopy bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)

Total: 800 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Caller (Henry / Blue Jon - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (-)
- Guard (James / Raaf - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Charles / Zena - 100 exp)- Art Attack bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom, Henry - 100 exp)
- Philanthropy!
  - Rake philanthropised! (Rake - 1915 exp)
  - Raaf philanthropised! (Raaf - 496 exp)

Death Toll and Injuries:

- None! Despite some general paralysis

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 5 Barbarian: 28900 (Level up at 32000)
- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 5 Fighter: 29813 (Level up at 32000)
- Henry / Blue Jon Goujon, Level 5 Magic-User: 26606 (Level up at 36000)
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 25635 (Level up at 36000)
- Charles / Zena, Level 5 Fighter: 22170 (Level up at 32000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 12437 (Level up at 16000)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 4 Cleric: 12202 (Level up at 14000)

- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)

Absent or Retired:- Ollie / Ollie's next character: +300 exp
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 17372 (Level up at 18000)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- Tom / Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)