Session 446 - Everything He Hoped For

Date: 24 March 1626

Zenith: The Allfather

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked) 

New Characters:

- Goblinda, a Hobgoblin madame who took a particular interest in costumery.|
- Masnavi-I-Manavi, Necromancer-Diplomat

New Backstory:

- Hammer Hatmakerson snuck into a party of Necromancer Lords who mocked him for being a dumb serf. Double exp if you fail Carousing roll.

Events:

--- Plans for the Future

- Our heroes are in a pub, flush with victory over some firebombed children. So far so topical. They are considering where to go next. It is a lovely day and they are thus far full of conjecture regarding the ground structure of the Wheatlands, seeing as it is built upon wheat over meat.

- Hammer confirms that the King of this realm is called King Swan. So far so good.

--- The Road North

- They decide to head north to a Sepulchre which is the home of the "Last Shard of the Mountain God", close to the relatively new Dwarf Hold known as Mount Grumblebelch.
- Hammer considers that this may be related to the Old Miner, the ancient Dwarf Satan.

- There is spirited debate over the meaning of "Feudal System". Aline maintains that a Feudal System requires feuding with rival powers, the others insist that Feudalism is defined by class relations. Aline is proven wrong (Feudalism is etymologically related to Latin word for fiefdom - land granted to a beneficiary in exchange for future service) but she grouses for the rest of the trip regardless.

- Hammer insists that there is a secret meaning behind the name of "Little Pushell" but does not deign to furnish this fact on the others. Perhaps the secret will be revealed in 2-3 hours as we pack up.

--- Classic Bandits!

- They take the road north, endless fields of wheat on their right, and.. lo! Real classic bandits! They burst from the head-high wheat, hide their faces behind masks and demand money and/or life! Hammer is delighted.

- Goblinda attempts to seduce the most handsome one, whose bearing is in the sort of upper-middle range where you wouldn't go flirting with him but wouldn't mind him flirting with you. He's not attracted to Goblinda though!

- Aline leaps off her horse (which she's had the whole time) and fumbles. Luckily she's wearing the Blast Armour that explodes on a notch! The horse, the bandit, and all of her friends are thrown backwards by the blast! Goblinda's little goblin minion has a moment of shock before being reduced to atoms.

--- Last Gasp of the Paintress

- The other bandits swarm from the field towards Aline, who barely survives.

- Hammer runs in, weapon aloft, and cleave-cleave-cleaves! Shattered bodies lie in his wake!

- Hammer seizes the Last Breath from the final kill, using the lesson his mentor taught him to raise a bandit as a zombie.

- Aline does the same. Once with a bound spell, easily successful. The second time, at a risk, casting without mana.

- The spell collapses, creates vortices. The second zombie rises as Aline falls into a pile of skin and muscle. Her bones are in the Ghost Dimension, the rest of her gurgles.
- Despite the (to me) obvious fact that this is the end of her story, Aline burbles otherwise. Through spittle and phlegm she orders her zombies to carry her back to town, there to counteract her lack of skeleton.

--- The Refugees of Pus Crack

- The remaining two continue, and soon find themselves at Pus Crack. A great rill in the land, opened up on poisoned and unmoisturised flesh. It splits the road ahead. A horrid mix of pus and blood flow downstream.

- They decide to circumnavigate via the wheat, cutting through and bringing themselves around the tender edge of the world-wound.

- A child laughs. They investigate.
- Hidden in the wheat are several refugees from the demon-ridden city of Edge and their children. They ask for help, and our heroes give it. They wish to reach Swansberg, for it is said to be a safe place under a kind and competent king.

--- Larger Pushell

- They continue on, refugees in tow, and meet the best-dressed of the group. His name is Masnavi-I-Manavi and he was a diplomat in Edge. He has been helping the refugees come south, and he's willing to become a player character!

- The group push on through the evening. A full moon leers overhead, the corpse of the black apocalypse dragon splatted across the sea of tranquility.

- A town is in view, and they head in through the evening. Circular tracks are ignored.

- They reach the town. No walls. Buildings of stacked stone. A single pub - the Broken Crow - shut hours ago. A granary sags under the wheat of its contents. A barber and taxidermist are interesting, but closed too.

--- Guards? Guards?

- A man in full armour and an extravagant helmet approaches with a lantern. Hammer strides forth, and tells him the situation. Refugees and adventurers in need of room and board.

- After some suspicion, the guard uses his key to let them into the Broken Crow. Inside are tables, benches... and a skeleton bartender! This one is Australian and is called, of course, Guido.

- The skeleton says it'll take a few hours to get the rooms (of which there are two) ready, so feel free to sit on the benches for now. To the exhausted refugees this is wonderful, and they're soon snoring.

--- Final Rumours

- They ask Guido for rumours, and despite lack of content he's happy to oblige.

- A splinter faction from Mt Grumblebelch is causing a nuisance in the hills.
- A fungal infection down the river from Grumblebelch has infected the meat, kill it to grant clear mountain water to those downstream.

- We end slightly early! The secret of Little Pushell is... it can be read as "Little Pus Hell".

Total: 9000 exp

Murders:

- Some bandits (50 exp)

OOC: 

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster, and Chef (300 exp/lvl)

- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/lvl)

- Zoë the Vanguard (100 exp/lvl)

Exp Totals:

- George / Hammer Hatmakerson, Level 3 Fighter: 5731 (Level up at 8000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Zoë / Goblinda, Level 2 Goblin: 3117 (Level up at 4000)

*LEVEL UP! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Goblin! +Backstory!

- Carter / Masnavi-I-Manavi, Level 2 Necromancer: 3317 (Level up at 4500)

*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

Session 445 - Dawn of a New Generic Fantasy Era

 Date: 17 March 1626

Zenith: Dispater

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked) 

New Characters:

- Hammer Hatmakerson. The favoured serf of Celebus until he ran away. Fighter.
- Mother Flotsam. An old woman who is vociferously not a witch. Magic-User.

- Benito Brazil. Hungry Halfling on a foreign exchange program. Halfling.

- Aline Dessend. A well-dressed older woman with a skeleton manservant. Necromancer.

--- A New Start

- In the generic fantasy land of the Wheatlands, in the generic fantasy village of Little Pushell, in the generic fantasy tavern called Nice to Weat You, a gang of low level heroes meet up for adventure.

- Mother Flotsam ("not a witch") and the little Hobbit called Benito Brazil, are boon companions. She is helping him navigate the english-speaking world, since his first language is Portuguese.
- Aline and Mother Flotsam, by contrast, have a friendly camaraderie over their shared professional interest in things magickal.
- Guido, the bartender, plonks down frothing mugs of ale. He is a skeleton, and currently emotionally entangled with Hammer Hatmakerson. He's been hiding Hammer in the inn, despite Hammer's misgivings about the Dead.

--- A Quest, Of Course

- Their eyes fall on a mysterious figure smoking at the back of the tavern, cigarette smoke curling from under his hood. They approach and he throws back his hood to reveal... Ratfink Babylon. A hardboiled old ratman who commands pigeons.

- He tells them he's got humans in his basement. 10 000 obols to clear them out. Classic starting quest.

- Meanwhile Aline checks the noticeboard and sees two quests ready to go - "Slay the Last Piece of the Mountain God in the Sephulchre - 5000 obols" and "Clear the Undead basement to unlock Fast Travel".

- So far, so classic. Benito acquires molotov cocktails from the bartender, then mind-controls a local drunk to be his steed. Aline buys some painting supplies.

--- Humans in the Basement

- They arrive at the house of Ratfink Babylon in short order and hear a childish laugh.
- A child calls for aid from a nearby sewer grate so Hammer rips it off to free the child! Alas, it is no ordinary child - it has long limbs and leaps straight for his face!
- Benito runs up and stabs it to death with one blow of his knife. Aline is quick with a vial to catch its Last Breath, but before she can examine it for clues Benito has whipped it into his sack! He's saving it for later, you see.
- Hammer knocks on a neighbour's door for more info. He says the basements beneath the houses here are all linked up, but his reasons for why are very conspiratorial and untrustworthy.

--- Enter the Home of Ratfink

- They head into the house and see it is laid out around a central bathroom. They raid the kitchen for ingredients, but the first thing they find is a weird greeny-yellow mushroom that fuses into Mother Flotsam's hand as soon as she picks it up! She can no longer use that hand, but now has a touch attack.

- They figure out that the central toilet is in fact a lift! They send it down and see many eyes staring back at them...

- Benito chucks a molotov immediately. The long-limbed children SCREAM and die quite quickly.
- When the fire dies, pigeons flutter down from alcoves and start scavenging the cooked flesh.

- The party descend the lift and Benito harvests meat from the corpses. The basements of the houses are indeed connected. 

--- First Loot

- They look around and find loot!
- Benito finds a mushroom that will make him even shorter. Mother Flotsam finds the Quicksilver Charm that slows everyone but her until she leaves the room. Hammer finds the hefty Lachrymaxe - an axe that feeds on torture. Aline gains Blast Armour that releases a detonation when notched.

- Ratfink Babylon arrives and tells them that the kids came with the place so he's glad that they've been removed. He pays up, obols flowing over skin, but Aline wants her payment in trinkets so she gets those.

--- House of Carouse

- Now that they're flush, it's time to party! For everyone but Aline that is, because she's still hung up on this whole thing where they just killed a bunch of unknown children. She decides to research spells instead.

- Mother Flotsam was the life of the party! Carousing costs double in this town now.

- Benito gambled it all away... losing an extra 100 obols.

- Hammer woke up next to a very attractive woman! He even beat his save vs venereal disease!

--- Prep for Next Time

- Next time they'll head on off to kill the mountain god.

- But first, lunch!

- They cook "Friendship Feijoada", consisting of bread, glimmerjack, and succulent child meat. Aline does not partake, but the others find that it's some of the best food they've ever tasted! It even makes them feel lighter, -2 Encumbrance!

- Ratfink Babylon judges from a distance.

Total: 8000 exp

Loot:
- Last Breaths

- Child Meat (5 exp)

- Mushroom Spore-Hand

- Shrinking Violet Mushroom - eat to become 2' tall... permanently.
- Quicksilver Charm - Slow Time Field slows all in room until you leave it.
- Lachrymaxe - Greataxe that feeds on misery; torture someone to death over the course of 10 minutes with it to gain +1 to hit. Max +5. Resets at midday.
- Blast Armour. On Notch, detonates to blast all in 10' radius back 30' and deal d6 damage to all affected (Save vs Blast for half) including yourself; those blasted into walls take double damage.

- Quest Reward: 10 000 obols.

Total: 5 exp

Murders:

- Several long-limbed mutant children (50 exp)

Total: 50 exp

Carousing:

- Benito gains 300 exp!
- Hammer gains 500 exp!
- Mother Flotsam gains 200 exp!

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Treasurer (200 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Hammer Hatmakerson, Level 2 Fighter: 2614 (Level up at 4000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Charles / Benito Brazil, Level 2 Halfling: 2414 (Level up at 4000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Mother Flotsam, Level 2 Magic-User: 2314 (Level up at 4500)

*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

- Carter / Aline Dessend, Level 1 Necromancer: 2214 (Level up at 2250)

Session 444 - End of an Arc

 Date: 24 February 1626

Zenith: Deusix

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)

Events:

--- Let's End This Motherfucker

- Now, this is it! Now is the time to choose.

- The boss battle begins, a spear thrown by Hidra slices past the enemy's face.

- The enemy is named Un'Goth who is possessing Balagos, one of the three Necromancers who our heroes are trying to murder. Said heroes will murder him before the day is through.

- Skeletons emerge from berths in the far wall and unsheathe shadowy punch-daggers from their wrsits weapped in silver wire.

--- Swippety Swappety

- Ghost Snels turns and twists a key into the wall, opening a door to the Gardens of Ynn.

- Nieval the Good fires a magical crossbow bolt at Un'Goth on his throne. On contact, they swap places. Nieval sits upon a throne of bone, Un'Goth is in shoved out the door.
- Bye bitch!
- Un'Goth is now in the gardens. Nieval is now under assault by a bunch of freezing skeletons. Ideal.

--- Eye Scream

- Un-Goth grabs his eyes and THROWS them like bolas into the main hall! They click-clack around Snels's neck! The mental wrestle begins! Snels maintains his mind... for now.

- A ball made of meat and bone emerges from the door beside the throne. It is the Ponderous Orb, created from a load of skin kites wrapped around a sphere of bones, and it slurps down any flesh is makes contact with. It rolls over Nieval, who screams bloody murder.

--- All Mind

-Sulphur starts taking over the enemies, huffing down a Last Breath and demanding that they obey him. They are strong, so it takes time.
- In the mean time his undead tear chunks out of the enemy. Little by little they are thinning the swarm.

---Begone

- Un'Goth runs in from the door to Ynn and is immediately whipped back out by Hidra. Snels twists the key, jamming the key in the lock. Un'Goth is GONE!

- The ghost-skeletons are a real horror for our resident Necromancer, since every time one dies it possesses a nearby Dead entity.

- Nevertheless, after more near-death experiences than I expected and a LOT of flesh-eating from the Ponderous Orb, our heroes emerge triumphant!

--- Victory!

- Nieval sits upon the throne of bone. The others strip the silver wire from the enemy dead.

- They find the ritual that creates a Ponderous Orb in the next room, alongside a spellbook containing several other spells and many potions.

- In the meantime, Balagos, Mancy and Dargle have started to merge via maggots. They are slain via stomps.

- The soul-battleaxe of Castigate Pox is found amongst the treasures. A partnership between Hidra and Castigate is forged.

- After all this, our heroes decide to retire. Next time, the Wheatlands!

Retired:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 7 Boo-gilist:

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism

- Carter / Hidra, Level 6 Fighter

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 6 Specialist

Session 443 - Prepping for Ungoth

Date: 17 February 1626

Zenith: The Allfather

Moon Phase: New Moon

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)

Events:

--- The Mysterious Child

- We return to our heroes as they stand in Mancy's bedroom, having just discovered the secret passage that leads upwards into the dark.

- Descending the stairs is a small girl-child in too-big Necromancer robes. She introduces herself as Apex, one of the best Necromancers around! Hidra stabs her with the Black Blade of the Dardanelles and she vanishes. Childish laughter echoes from above.

- Hidra lights a torch and ascends the stairs, followed by the others.

--- Curtainfall

- The stairs open out into a large room. A large but historically accurate sarcophagus is in the middle of the room. Steps ascend to an altar bearing golden cups, behind which is a big black curtain.

- Nieval approaches the golden cups and decides to poke the curtain just in case. Alas! It's a whole load of skin kites knitted together and painted black!

- Combat ensues, worst of which is the fact that attacking the curtain makes it split into two smaller skin kite curtains which attack (and absorb skin) separately!

- Hidra's attempts to burn the skin kites to death result in him also going on fire! The scraps of skin kite that separate set Nostradama on fire too!

- After a lot of punching, slashing, and skin-absorption, the skin kite curtain is defeated! Sulfur sends in his zombie horde to smother Hidra, while Nieval smothers Nostradama in the vanished necro-kid's robe.

--- Loot

- Nieval investigates the altar and finds seven golden cups, one of which is ruby-encrusted. He picks up the ruby one and... wow! It fills with wine, but hurts him a little to do so. It's good wine though.

- Hidra examines the sarcophagus, discovering that the inside of the lid is shiny. He lies inside it, closes the lid... and discovers that he can see the nearby landscape from a birds eye view!

- There's an ominous green glow coming from Morning Light Mountain's hole in the midst of the ominous spikes. A huge wooden goose pecks at the ground.

--- Uno Reverse

- They continue on and run into a pack of zombies and skeletons.

- Sulfur huffs Last Breath and subjugates half of them! The subjugated ones turn on their former fellows.

--- Ungoth Unveiled

- They reach a big throne room. Upon the throne is a guy in black-and-white checkered Necromancer robes and a skull wreathed in black flames! It's Ungoth!

- Capsule hotel berths in the wall contain shadowy skeletal figures.

- Mancy asks if he's found the Ponderous Orb spell yet. He has not... but monologues about how it was originally intended to destroy the Beast in the Core of the Earth but now he's going to use it to take over the world!!!

- Hidra chucks his spear, grazing Ungoth's burning skull face. It's on!

- ... next time! Because it's getting late.

Total: 6000 exp

Foes:

- Skin Kite Curtain (500 exp)

- Assorted lesser dead (100 exp)

Total: 600 exp

Loot:

- 6 golden cups (1800 exp)
- Goblet of Transubstantiation (800 exp)

Total: 2600 exp

OOC:

- Kitty the Chronicler (100 exp/level)

- Carter the Expedition leader (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Zoë the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 7 Boo-gilist: 73843 (Level up at 144000)

*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 57732 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 6 Fighter: 46544 (Level up at 64000)

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 6 Specialist: 38919 (Level up at 56000)

Session 442 - Return to the Valley of the Necromancer Kings

Date: 10 February 1626

Zenith Deity: The Lady

Moon Phase: Third Quarter

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)

Revealed Backstory:

- Ghost Snels was given a curse for a a Denialist name as a prank. His full name is Live-Peacefully-And-Without-Hatred-Lest-Ye-Be-Cursed-To-The-Form-Of-A-Terrible-Ghost Snels. Once per session, someone totally believes a plausible lie.

Events:

--- A Perfectly Lovely Repast

- Sulphur sits at the dining table with the lovely Klausson family, while Hidra's head leans through the window. The family is grumbling about Winter Wonderland and the strange people who appear around here via various means.
- Sulphur notices something strange about the mother's face, and snorts a quick line of bone dust to activate bone vision. While most of the Klausson family have normal bones... the mother is all cartilage.
- Also, upstairs, he sees the X-rayed figure of Ghost Snels where he stands considering a locked door. In the attic above said door, a humanoid skitters and scurries.

--- Various Shenanigans

- Assuming that Sulphur's little bump of the white stuff was a different kind of white stuff, the father gives a not-that-surreptitious wink and invites her out to the barn for a quick wink-wink-nose-tap.

- The elder daughter attempts to capture Hidra, fails, but soon seduces him. He has no good reason not to accept.
- Through the locked door, Ghost Snels talks to an evil twin of the mother Klaussen, and leaves well enough alone.
- In the barn, the father offers Sulphur a line of Notcoke. The dad partakes, Sulphur merely pretends to and sweeps it into a handy vial while taking another line of bone dust... he looks down... the whole house is built on bones!!!

--- Exactly What They Seemed

- Ghost Snels has, by now, descended to the family dinner. He enquires as to whether there are any nearby dungeons, tombs, or similar locales of a treasurous nature.

- The mother withdraws from the table, stumbles backwards, and disappears down the sink!
- In the barn, the father admits that this is the same wife that has always been here. The same Mother Klaussen for 2000 years! He smiles sadly... now he's going to have to kill them all.
- There is a rumbling as outside, fingerbones start emerging from the fields.
- From wherever they are, our heroes FLEE towards the portal whence they came!

- Ghost Snels puts his fingers to his secret earbud, hidden by his skull smoke. He calls into Pope Obamus' private channel and says there's a wedding on his position.
- "Reaper drone 60 seconds out" is the reply.

- The last to know is Hidra who is currently mid-coitus. His lover begins to freeze over, hoping to preserve him in ice. Thankfully Hidra has Santa nature and its commensurate resistance to cold, plus Santa's ability to disappear from tight spaces! He whooshes down through the cracks in the floorboards, into Castigate Pox, and away!

- The MOAB hits and the pressure wave blasts everyone through the final portal, back Whence they came!

--- Border Skirmish

- In transit they find the creatures that Hidra had banished across the nearest border with the Black Blade of the Dardanelles!

- They are persuaded not to fight... for now. It's only a couple of ghosts and an urchin-bellied zombie guy after all. The foes make insinuations that they'll be back and better prepared next time...

--- Back to the Necromancer Zone

- Whoosh! They're back to the Necromancer Caves they were in before Christmas!

- Mancy is here (feeding off vermin) and they set off into a room of statues featuring Mancy, Dargle, Balagos and the Apocalypse Dragon Ereshkigal.
- After some lore questions vis-a-vis the statues, and a cold and bitter wind that freezes Sulphur in place for a while, they continue.
- They come to a ritual chamber door and squeak it open to reveal 14 cultists on chairs watching a shadow puppet play of POWERLAD's adventures.

- They leave well enough alone.. but take note of theatre times so they can see the next showing.

--- The Prison

- They head the other way and come to a big "interview room". Mancy gets a massage. The party head to the side entrance - a prison. For the mere price of fixing his arm, the skeletal guard gives over a cool shield.
- They check the various doors to see what's imprisoned within. There's an evil bed, rat people, a troll reading a book, a prisoner breathing heavily. Fine.

--- The Coolest Guy

- They head beyond the interview room and discover a Frankenstein project in progress. Ghost Snels flips levers and discovers that the last one was to insert EVIL!
- Sulphur leaps forth, and as the beast writhes with evil energies, absorbs as much evil as possible! Sulphur now has horns, a dark halo, and three shadows that orbit. Obviously evil to all who see him.
- The awakened monster rises from the table. His jawline, impeccable. His muscles, well-sculpted. He puts on a suit of armour with the big space marine shoulder pauldrons.
- Castigate Pox wants to be him so bad!

- He addresses Mancy, his creator, and reveals that he plans to single-handedly destroy the Mother of Goblins.

--- Mancy's Chamber

- They leave the Frankenstein (mysteriously that's just his name, not his creator's name) and enter Mancy's bedroom.

- Within is most of his stuff, including a chest of his things and a cursed staff that Balagos cursed when they fell out.

- Hidra speaks the secret words and lo! The bedroom chamber opens!

- Beyond is a grand chamber. Stairs lead up to a dark figure, black robes billowing, staff glowing in his crooked hands. It is Un'Goth! The leader of the Necromantic Triumverate!

- He descends. Un'Goth is here!

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures:

- 3 sets of Necromancer Robes.

- Glyph of Warding

- Periapt of Holy Water

- Book #403 - "Ur-Gallukh, City of Tiles" (50 exp)
Total: 50 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler & Expedition Leader (200 exp/level)
- George the Cartographer & Chef (200 exp/level)

- Kitty the Paymaster & Vanguard (200 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 70880 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 6 Fighter: 43681 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 6 Denialist Cleric: 41681 (Level up at 72000)

Session 441 - Perfectly Lovely People

Date: 03 February 1626

Zenith Deity: Alaunus
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Moon Face: Dragon Face

Revealed Backstory:

- Hidra had a bout of road rage back when he was a road warrior and tore towards a battered war rig. He noticed the ambush just in time and veered off before the hidden rigs could fang it from the woods. +1 to Awareness.

- Havarti was used as a honeypot-ant by the denizens of the Veins, feeding her up to slaughter in case of lean times. +2 to heal when eating.

Events:

--- Dungeon Clear?

- Awakening in the mouth of the Christmas Cave, our heroes discuss their next steps.
- They've attained great treasures... but there was definitely another way further in and, even worse, hints at a deeper Santa Claus meaning. Do they return?

- They decide to return.

- They enter through the tiny door and head towards the floor puzzle they've already solved twice. Levers are pulled, stone grinds against stone. The door forward grinds open.

- Laughing faces glow in the dark. Tall christmas elves step forth, icicle swords in their hands. Small elves with snowballs take the rear.

- Surprisingly they are willing to talk to Hidra, who holds the "Hope Shard" of Santa Claus. They state that he should never go close to the Doom Shard of Santa Claus that is bound in the lowest depths.

--- Forth 

- After much persuasion, the elves let our heroes through, but say that they will be waiting to destroy the party if they awaken the Doom Shard. They openly take up defensive positions.
- The way beyond has ancient warriors upon plinths. Downing invisibility potions allows the party to investigate side doors. In one, skeletons wielding wreaths. In another, undead whiling away the time playing cards and reading books.

- They move on into a room which is clearly a boss room. An enormous throne squats before steps that lead up to a fountain of blood. Upon the throne is a great and monstrous creature,

---The Doom Shard

- Sulphur, invisible, sneaks into the dark and salty throne room. He heads for the blood fountain, dips a finger, and touches it to his tongue. His organs wiggle ominously. The figure on the throne stirs and asks "who sups?"

- Sulphur sneaks around to the opposite side of the throne, avoiding the sluggy eyestalks that glance around behind the throne.

- Ghost Snels stalks forward proudly and in the light of his fiery head sees the shape of the throne creature, more sea-life than man. His beard is grasping suckered tentacles, his feet are a great and terrible urchin. One hand is a huge crushing crab claw, the other is a lithe and living eel. In his chest is an enormous clam.

- Our heroes are used to appraising treasure. The pearl in his chest is worth tens of thousands of obols. Scraggly pines either side of the throne are hung with gems that glimmer like fairy lights.

- Snels talks to the being, who is the First Santa. The apocalyptic gifts of the deep were his, bestowed from the depths by a dread subnautical God. He remains here to contain the worst evils of the deeps, and gave the good gift-giving parts of it to his son who combined with the dark gifts of Mrs Claus and became the first Father Christmas.
- He contains the Doom Shard of Santa, and is scared that he will die and allow it to recombine with the Hope Shard of Santa Claus. If this happens, the frog monsters will rise up and drown the world entirely!

--- Slurp

- Ghost Snels considers this and walks past the awful figure, supping deep of the mulled blood fountain and gaining laser eyes that light fires with a glance.

- Havarti approaches the fountain, takes up a drinking horn, and sups deep of the wine from the Mulled Dimension. Her hand warps into a biomechanical gun!

- Sulphur takes this all as a good sign, drinks deep, and becomes... THE SUN!

- Every time he is in sunlight he shall absorb solar energy until he detonates in a fission reaction that will devastate everything above ground level in several miles. Until then, his bone glow brightly through his skin.

--- Perfectly Acceptable Conclusion

- Recognising that killing the sea-man for his giant pearl is a clear apocalypse enabler, they decide to leave.

- On the way out, the tall elves are very relieved that they didn't kill the Doom Shard of Santa. That would have been bad!

- They leave the cave complex and decide where to go. They could go to "Whence", aka the previous location before the Christmas Special, or check out the mysteriously/ominously/enticingly named "Daddy's Farm".

- Daddy's Farm it is!

--- An Ominously Lovely Time

- The route to Daddy's farm takes them along a frozen stream towards an area covered with a mild winter. Laughter trickles from a ruined tower. They call out, and a young girl runs down, fascinated by visitors. She tells them of her dad who owns Klausson's Farm just down the way, then runs off towards it followed by her enormous yet playful wolf.

- Suspicion sets in, yet the party follow.

- Havarti takes a detour on the way to the farmhouse, sneaking into the barn. She sees a large son, pet pigs, a horse, and not much else. 

--- An Ominously Lovely Dinner

- It's a no shoes indoors kind of place, so Hidra isn't allowed in.

- The family inside seem perfectly lovely, and say that they often have visitors around this time due to a preponderance of Christmas Specials amongst various groups of heroes.

- Everything is just a little bit off. The teenager keeps his knives sharp (for cooking). The girl child is great at setting traps (for the enormous penguins around here). The mother shuffles strangely when she's away from the sink. The dad is happy and friendly (ominous).

- Upstairs, Ghost Snels have been shown the guest room and the enormous locks that keep the doors shut. Can't be too careful, says the girl child. Sometimes we have guests from settings where werewolves and such are common.

--- An Ominously Locked Door

- Havarti decides that she'll sleep with her hyena next to the huge wolf in the stables. 

- Sulphur, inspecting the guest rooms with Ghost Snels, finds a full-sized penguin suit in a wardrobe and seizes it immediately.

- The bell rings, and all must go downstairs for tea. In the end it's just Sulphur seated at the table because everyone else is sleeping in the barn or Ghost Snels "meditating religiously" upstairs.
- Hidra has his head through a window as the food is served. It's a delicious Penguin Stew, no human meat in there at all. 

- The large son walks in, late for dinner. Just before he left he told Havarti that guests are forbidden to open the locked doors in the farmhouse, and please do not mention the name Mrs Claus in front of his mother.

- We smash cut to Ghost Snels. He's picking an unknown lock that leads to the attic. He hears a low growl...

Total: 9000 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Paymaster (200 exp/level)

- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals: 

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 66663 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 6 Fighter: 39464 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 6 Denialist Cleric: 37464 (Level up at 72000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +Faith! +Healing Pool! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 5 Halfling: 22698 (Level up at 32000)

Session 440 - Frogs with Freakin' Octopuses in Their Mouths

Date: 20 January 1626

Zenith Deity: The Scorned
Moon Phase: New Moon
Moon Face: Dragon Face

New Backstory:

- Nieval the Good had perfectly planned the conversion of an entire village to the Quizlist faith, getting them each to touch a Marlingspike as it surged with rainbow energies. They were all taken, body and soul, into wherever one goes when they touch a spike. Task failed successfully. +2 AC and Saves for 10 minutes when a plan goes awry.

- Havarti Honeybun was horribly lost in the Veins of the Earth when... lo! A party of friendly strangers took her in! Once per session, cause a helpful stranger to somehow appear.

Events:

--- Into the Hidden Passage

- Well-rested and well-fed, our heroes enter the cave once more. They head swiftly for the pentagram puzzle room and discover that it's reset in their absence! It's quick work with the levers to reopen the way.

- Ghost Snels tears the golden statuette of Santa-if-he-had-tentacles-for-a-beard into 6 pieces, his fingers digging into its strangely fleshy surface. The revealed inner surfaces drip with salt water. Everyone gets a piece, how lovely!

- They ensure that the way out is accessible even if the door closes (smart) and head down the stairs beyond. The bas reliefs go from old timey pre-Christian winter motifs to an undersea theme. Seaweed, deep sea fish, things that squirm and writhe.

- Ahead, an archway to the next room. To the side, a big round metal door is rimed with ice. If it wasn't iced over you'd be able to sort of roll it aside into the wall cavity. Sulphur gets to work with the fire rune on his weapon, melting it away.

--- Spike-Bellied Revenants

- Hidra investigates the dark way forward. Eyes glow blue-white and a voice groans out something in Old Norse. Luckily almost everyone speaks Old Norse for some reason - maybe it's just standard schooling here? - and they understand its meaning - "Merry Solstice!"

- The beings come forward into the light. They are zombies of some sort, tight skin stretched over old bone, and spikes protrude from their bellies like they swallowed a ball of spines. A sixth one follows and walks over to Hidra, it's his weekly free zombie!

- Hidra strikes one with the Black Blade of the Dardanelles to see if the belly thing is a separate entity to the revenant, and VWOMP! The whole guy disappears! Clearly one entity by the sword's reckoning.

- This angers the revenants! Hidra tries to kick the spikes out of one's belly, fails, and after a series of 1s and 20s it works! The body explodes into ice and leaves the spiky thing - a sea urchin - on the floor. Hidra punts the urchin into another revenant to give it competition!

- The others run in, Havarti dropping from her ghost-eater hyena on the ceiling, the others swarming in behind.

- Nostradama smites a zombie with holy power. Ghost Snels cracks his great whip. Sulphur abandons the door-unfreezing quest to attack them too.

- Several urchins hit the floor, crackle... and EXPLODE! The party is blown back by the sea mine sea urchin explosion.

- Havarti invokes her backstory and wishes for a helpful stranger to emerge.
- A dark figure with a black dagger appears in the shadows of the archway. It gestures, and the remaining revenants follow it into the gloom.

--- I Don't Like Em Putting Chemicals in the Water

- Sulphur melts away the last of the ice and sees that there are handprints sunk into the metal to help you roll it. The only weird thing? The hands are webbed...
- War stories and legends of old are told to those who know not of the accursed Frog Monsters.

- They go through and find a collapsed tunnel forward which will take time to clear. Everything is moist.

- In clearing the rubble, they find the corpse of a small person dressed as a christmas elf. Hidra takes its bells.

- The route, now clear, slopes downwards. They follow and come to a side tunnel that leads to a big pool of algae-covered water. Ghost Snels dips his hands in to gather some delicious algae and... SSSSSSS! It's actually acid!

- Ghost Snels and Nieval poke around in the acid with a pole and recover a couple of books from the bottom of the pool, written on thin leaves of stone. They are Book #180 "Other Histories" and Book #182 "The Brass Hell". Nieval is excited about the latter until Ghost Snels informs him that it's just the name for the megadungeon under/inside Fortress-City Fate.

- Havarti draws a Repel Water rune and repels the acid away, allowing them to collect some of the acidophilic algae for testing purposes.

--- Can't Take You Anywhere

- They go back into the sloping tunnel and find the end. A pitch black pool. A huge gnarled and rusty iron circle on the back wall, thankfully unpowered. In the centre of the pool, a plinth upon which a golden statue squats hideously.
- Havarti rides her ghost-eating hyena up the walls until they dangle over the statue. She uncoils a rope, ties it to the harness, and starts to lower herself down.

- Sulphur reaches down to test the black liquid and discovers that it is oil.
- GRAAAERGGGHH!
- Sulphur sees the frog monster leap from the water just in time! He steps back, grabs a handful of teeth from the pouch at his waist, and punches it straight down the frog monster's throat!

- It detonates, tearing the frog to shreds! An octopus floats out of its ruined corpse.

- Simultaneously, Havarti has grabbed the idol. There is a clunk. Everyone goes "ah..."

- Holes in the ceiling drop fiery debris, igniting the oil in a great WHOOOOSH of heat! Havarti is on fire! Sulphur staggers back from the burning pool! The hyena HOWLS in dismay!

- Havarti swiftly disrobes as the hyena flees back towards the way out, her burning clothes falling into the flaming oil below. Sulphur stops, drops and rolls. Those further up the tunnel are harmed by smoke inhalation as the acrid fumes wash upwards!

- Amphibious Assault Vehicle: Fr0G

- Lightly crisped frog monsters leap from the burning oil as Nostradama heals Havarti's wounds with holy light. Nostradama watches in horror as one leaps at Sulphur and swallows him whole before diving back under the flames!

- Battle is joined as everyone attempts not to get swallowed. It quickly becomes evident that these frogs are long dead, merely amphibious exo-suits for the octopuses controlling them from within!

- Hidra whips an octopus out of a frog's mouth and into his hand, where he crushes it.

- Inside the frog, Sulphur is in deadly battle with the octopilot which is trying to strangle him. He has an idea and purses his lips, smooching the octopus right on its beak. As the prophecies foretold, the octopus dies, leaving Sulphur in alleged control of the frog. Alas, without eight limbs it's only partially controllable.

- Sulphur hears more of them coming from inside the frog-suit, so surfaces, jumps out of the mouth, and tells everyone to run! He tooth-bombs the first wave of reinforcements, and everyone flees with the idol!

- Dungeon-Doku

- They escape, grabbing christmas elf clothes from the corpse as they go. Havarti is grateful to have any clothes at all really!

- Havarti inspects the statue. This is a proper 100% A-Grade Cthulhu Statue. It's mad valuable, and after a brief scuffle Ghost Snels divides it up like the other one.

- They exfiltrate all the way out to the entrance and cook a meal of the strange acid-resistant algae, leftover jollof rice, and nice fresh octopus. They call it "Dungeon-Doku" and it's quite nice!

Total: 7000 exp

Foes Vanquished:

- A few Urchin-Bellied Revenants (225 exp)
- Several Octopus-Controlled Frog Monsters (100 exp)

Total: 325 exp

Treasures Gained:

- Book #180: Other Histories (50 exp)

- Book #182: The Brass Hell (50 exp)

- Golden Cthulhu Statue (20 000 exp)

Total: 20 100 exp

OOC: 

- Carter the Chronicler

- George the Expedition Leader

- Charles the Paymaster

- Kitty the Vanguard

- Zoë the Chef

100 exp/level/job

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 63813 (Level up at 72000)

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 54869 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 6 Fighter: 36014 (Level up at 64000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 6 Specialist: 36056 (Level up at 56000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 5 Denialist Cleric: 34614 (Level up at 36000)

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 5 Halfling: 19948 (Level up at 32000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!