Session 448 - A Few Crabs With the Boys

Date: 7 April 1626

Zenith: Oberon

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)  

Revealed Backstory: 

- Masvani washed away in his youth, yet still loves the water. +1 Piloting.

- Benito is a member of the Ronaldinho Club who supports any and all footballing Ronaldinhos in the hopes they win a purported future award of global significance. Find a fellow member in any city.

Events:

--- Screw This Place

- Despite Masvani's protestations, the group decides to leave the fungal hell behind. They check each others' necks for fronds just to be sure.
- Benito and Hammer shared food together and, apparently, pooped in the same hole after having similar gastrointestinal issues. They have a new understanding.

- They walk back to the road, wheat on the inland side, and find tracks that lead into the seemingly endless wheat! A multitude of heavy holes like sticks pushed down with great strength. Benito sneaks off the path, the others boldly stride forth.

- They come to a circle in the crops. In the centre, a pyramid of nine white stones an arms-breadth wide. Huge crabs relax and molt in the sun. They know of these beasts - Stoneshell Crabs! Caught in their molting!

--- Softshell Assault

- Benito lobs a molotov at the stone-pile, cutting the crabs off from their hermit shells. Hammer heaves in and slices into the soft and delicate shell of one of the crabs, while Benito's minion Wetherspoons Dave smacks himself in the jaw while attempting similar.

- Masvani casts Chattering Skull on a crab's barely formed shell because "an exoskeleton counts as a skeleton right?". Patch notes circle this decision. The crab is horrified by its armour gaining the semblance of life and is thus Dazed.

- Hammer picks the gap and scythes through one and slams into another! He doesn't quite kill it, but Wetherspoons Dave finishes the job with a swift slice! Masvani clinches the last breath with a flick of his wrist.

- The other crabs, shell-less and gummy, flee into the wheat. Another is hobbled as it tries to flee and snipped just behind the eyes. This kills the crab.

--- Aftermath

- Masvani slurps up his crab-flavoured Last Breath and raises a gummy softshell corpse as his mobile throne. Benito slices off the best bits from the dead.

- They all set off towards Greater Pushell, Masvani futilely trying to fish from the back of his crab-throne.

- They reach the Pus Crack, that great bloody rent in the fleshy earth, and debate how to fix it. They hear a cod-Scottish voice telling them to shut up, and look over to see a scattering of stone igloos.

--- Grumblebelch Tendency

- The party approach, Masvani humming a tune, and find a group of three Dwarves from Mt Grumblebelch hanging out and roasting various meaty chunks over a campfire. They're charmed enough by Masvani to welcome the party.
- They chat for a while, and the Dwarves pridefully speak on their arcology's mission to replace the meat of the meatlands with good clean stone. Personally, they're on their way to repair a sluice gate that's leaking fungus into the river. On hearing that the fungus situation has literally just been fixed the Dwarves are stoked! Party time!

- The Dwarves offer their beer, so Masvani cooks up a meal of Crab, Beer and wheat-based "popcorn", naming it Popcorn Crab. It's bloody good!

--- The Party Don't Stop

- The Dwarves' thick beer makes Hammer very drunk, and soon he's dancing towards the lights of Greater Pushell through the balmy night with his new Dwarven best friends.

- They're singing old songs of Ur-Kalladh when they arrive at the gates. The one guard meets them, having seen them crossing through the swaying grain in the light of the gibbous moon, and suggests they head to the Broken Crow because it's last orders soon.
- Benito and Masvani have followed, and Benito decides to get in on the party vibe. Masvani is, alas, too poor and doesn't want to end up in debt to a demon or something (that would be crazy right?)

- Hammer is totally fine! Alas, Benito falls out with the Dwarves because they took the opportunity to mock him for being even shorter than they. He is saved from his shame by an actual God! It's Oberon in the form of a white hare, who distracts for long enough for Benito to escape with his pride intact.
- Benito is tasked with a religious quest - shoot a creature from a great distance against the odds (ie. hit a creature when you need 17+ on the roll) within a month, or else no ranged attacks forevermore.
- A cock crows as dawn breaks, and Benito tries to hit the cockerel but misses terribly. His concern rises, for little does he know, but we'll be skipping the next couple of weeks...

Total: 6000 exp

Carousing:

- Benito Caroused! (600 exp)
- Hammer Caroused! (800 exp)

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler & Chef (200 exp/level)

- George the Expedition Leader & Cartographer (200 exp/level)

- Charles the Paymaster, Vanguard, Artist & Chef (400 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Hammer Hatmakerson, Level 4 Fighter: 12123 (Level up at 16000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Carter / Masvani-I-Manavi, Level 4 Necromancer: 9009 (Level up at 18000)

*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

- Charles / Benito Brazil, Level 4 Halfling: 9006 (Level up at 16000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

Session 447 - Just a Bunch of Fun Guys

Date: 31 March 1626

Zenith: Dispater

Moon Phase: Full Moon

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)  

Revealed Backstory:

- Hammer Hammerson curses Celebus, holding him responsible for the killing of his best friend who was subsequently harvested for parts by the Necromancer. Double damage against creatures that killed a PC.

- Mother Flotsam is enamoured with Benito as a quasi-adopted grandson, which is monetarily requited. Each gets +2 to hit foes who have hit the other.

- Masvani-I-Manavi moved from the countryside to the big city, leaving for better job opportunities and eventually finding success as a diplomat. +2 Charisma.

- Benito Brazil was raised by a pack of dogs and his "dogfather", El Rojo, was an angry drunk who loved scarfing down fermented fruits for the alcohol content. +2 Dexterity.

Events:

--- Mushroom Bound

- We return to our heroes as they lay up in the Broken Crow in the town of Larger Pushell. It's a classic fantasy tavern other than the skeleton bartender, and the children of the rescued refugees from Edge run around annoying the early patrons.
- Benito Brazil approaches a lone man called Dave sitting at the bar and tames him with Halfling mind control. Wetherspoons Dave joines the partys!

- After a bit of debate, they decide to take the bounty on solving the fungal infection out on the Bloody River. Apparently there's some sort of fungus that's gotten into the shore-meat around an old pumping station, and it's letting infected pus out into the river.

- Hammer meets the Burgermeister of the town, who works at the local Ferfect Fried Chicken branch. Asking after a reward, he is told that a whole elephant-leg of chicken doner kebab is on offer to whoever solves the problem! Sounds great! Masvani gets a kebab knife to help with the mushrooms to come.

--- Penitents

- They set off back down the road to Little Pushell, following the banks of the Bloody River which, despite the name, is only somewhat bloody. Much less bloody than it used to be anyway.

- The Nonanists give a sign to Dispater who is at zenith overhead, granting +3 to Backstab.

- On the road they encounter penitents with tonsures! The party stop to converse, and discover that these are old school Unorthodox priests. They're travelling to warn King Swan that the Pope is steering the now-mobile Vatican towards Loegria. He plans to kill and eat Gifflewim, gaining his power and destroying the obol economy.

- They part ways and the party continues on, stopping to fish and set up camp on the riverbank.

- They cook "Fiji Mermaid, Fried" from Mud Bream, Glimmerjack, Wheat and Mushroom. It's merely ok. Then they camp, sharing two-man tents. Some combination of the passable food and the small tents leaves each pair grumpy at each other in the morning.

--- Get Your Pump On

- They continue downriver until they come to a sign for a pumping station. It says "Get Your Pump On". The door is ajar, and there are mushrooms growing around the door. Must be the place!

- Benito sends Wetherspoons Dave in first, who starts ripping fungus off the walls and chucking them into the river to little effect. Inside he sees three sluice gates blocking three channels channels, locked in place by mycelium.

- The others improvise gasmasks with runes and find a trickle of infected water from one of the gates.

- Hammer tries to leap over the channel and falls in! It's only some quick work with the hooked edge of his axe that saves him from being sucked away!

- Masvani goes more cautiously and looks into an interior chamber. He can see a hand-shaped mushroom growing against the glass. This is very scary to all involved.
- Luckily Benito has a molotov prepared! They try to open a door and it SPRINGS open with fronds squealing out of it! Masvani chucks the molotov in and the others swiftly slam the door shut on the fronds. There is a screeching sound like a kettle boiling inside.

--- Join Us?!

- Meanwhile, Hammer has dragged his way out of the channel and onto the wet tile at the edge of the channel. He looks up and sees... a tonsured monk! But this one is held by a mushroom frond and preaches UNITY!

- He rejects the offer of a fun new religion , backs away, and rejoins the group since the monk can't really move due to the frond.

- The others have entered the interior room, finding an enormous but very singed red-and-white-spotted classic mushroom in the centre. The gills tinkle with music, and it has a face!

- Bandito addresses it in multiple languages, and it answers. It says it is The Murmerer, a remnant of Jonathon Toast, and it wishes to join others in beautiful unity as they were under Toast.

--- Thanks But No Thanks

- They reject the offer and chuck more molotovs! Plus a rune to keep the fire burning!

- Benito feels something squirming in his backpack and throws the whole thing into the fire!

- Mother Flotsam activates her new Razor Spiral spell and, surrounded by blades, moves in to mash the immobile monster to death!

- Benito and Hammer flee for the exit and meet an old woman asking them to join the Toasted Ones. They reject her, and she collapses into a pile of mushrooms.

- Masvani beams lightning in at the fronds.. and hears a scream in his mind! The fronds have been spying on everyone's thoughts! The Repel-Plants glyph (after some discussion on the meaning of "plant" when it comes to the fungal kingdom) works on the mind-spores, so they do some rune bullshit involving Absorb-Life.

- What remains is the corpulent form of an elderly woman, who can still speak. They speak with her at length, learning much lore about the new Toasted One religion, the Murmerer, and Mrs Mycellia who takes 20 years to develop.

- They also find some books! Largely POWERLAD books.

--- Arguments on Return

- They murder the woman, of course, and drag her corpse outside to burn it in a big bonfire which smells very umami.

- Some of the captured life-force from the Absorb-Life rune is drifting away, back towards the pumping station, deeper into the complex...

- The river, however, is much cleaner. The pus infection has stopped. Benito recommends that they absolutely do not go back in there because it's fucked and they've completed the quest. Masvani, by contrast, is all in on looting the place further.

- They can't decide... so that's a problem for next session.

Total: 7000 exp

Foes Defeated:

- The Murmer-Shroom (500 exp)

Total: 500 exp

Treasures Claimed:

- Book #399 - POWERLAD Adult Colouring Book (50 exp)

- Book #325 - POWERLAD and the Busty Barbarian (50 exp)

- Book #385 - The Sins of POWERLAD (50 exp)

- Book #258 - Fiction; A General Work (50 exp)

Total: 200 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Expedition Leader (200 exp/lvl)

- Charles the Paymaster (100 exp/lvl)

- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/lvl)

- George the Chef (100 exp/lvl)

Exp Totals:

- George / Hammer Hatmakerson, Level 3 Fighter: 7956 (Level up at 8000)

- Carter / Masvani-I-Manavi, Level 3 Necromancer: 5842 (Level up at 9000)

*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

- Charles / Benito Brazil, Level 3 Halfling: 4639 (Level up at 8000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Mother Flotsam, Level 2 Magic-User: 4439 (Level up at 4500)

Session 446 - Everything He Hoped For

Date: 24 March 1626

Zenith: The Allfather

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked) 

New Characters:

- Goblinda, a Hobgoblin madame who took a particular interest in costumery.|
- Masnavi-I-Manavi, Necromancer-Diplomat

New Backstory:

- Hammer Hatmakerson snuck into a party of Necromancer Lords who mocked him for being a dumb serf. Double exp if you fail Carousing roll.

Events:

--- Plans for the Future

- Our heroes are in a pub, flush with victory over some firebombed children. So far so topical. They are considering where to go next. It is a lovely day and they are thus far full of conjecture regarding the ground structure of the Wheatlands, seeing as it is built upon wheat over meat.

- Hammer confirms that the King of this realm is called King Swan. So far so good.

--- The Road North

- They decide to head north to a Sepulchre which is the home of the "Last Shard of the Mountain God", close to the relatively new Dwarf Hold known as Mount Grumblebelch.
- Hammer considers that this may be related to the Old Miner, the ancient Dwarf Satan.

- There is spirited debate over the meaning of "Feudal System". Aline maintains that a Feudal System requires feuding with rival powers, the others insist that Feudalism is defined by class relations. Aline is proven wrong (Feudalism is etymologically related to Latin word for fiefdom - land granted to a beneficiary in exchange for future service) but she grouses for the rest of the trip regardless.

- Hammer insists that there is a secret meaning behind the name of "Little Pushell" but does not deign to furnish this fact on the others. Perhaps the secret will be revealed in 2-3 hours as we pack up.

--- Classic Bandits!

- They take the road north, endless fields of wheat on their right, and.. lo! Real classic bandits! They burst from the head-high wheat, hide their faces behind masks and demand money and/or life! Hammer is delighted.

- Goblinda attempts to seduce the most handsome one, whose bearing is in the sort of upper-middle range where you wouldn't go flirting with him but wouldn't mind him flirting with you. He's not attracted to Goblinda though!

- Aline leaps off her horse (which she's had the whole time) and fumbles. Luckily she's wearing the Blast Armour that explodes on a notch! The horse, the bandit, and all of her friends are thrown backwards by the blast! Goblinda's little goblin minion has a moment of shock before being reduced to atoms.

--- Last Gasp of the Paintress

- The other bandits swarm from the field towards Aline, who barely survives.

- Hammer runs in, weapon aloft, and cleave-cleave-cleaves! Shattered bodies lie in his wake!

- Hammer seizes the Last Breath from the final kill, using the lesson his mentor taught him to raise a bandit as a zombie.

- Aline does the same. Once with a bound spell, easily successful. The second time, at a risk, casting without mana.

- The spell collapses, creates vortices. The second zombie rises as Aline falls into a pile of skin and muscle. Her bones are in the Ghost Dimension, the rest of her gurgles.
- Despite the (to me) obvious fact that this is the end of her story, Aline burbles otherwise. Through spittle and phlegm she orders her zombies to carry her back to town, there to counteract her lack of skeleton.

--- The Refugees of Pus Crack

- The remaining two continue, and soon find themselves at Pus Crack. A great rill in the land, opened up on poisoned and unmoisturised flesh. It splits the road ahead. A horrid mix of pus and blood flow downstream.

- They decide to circumnavigate via the wheat, cutting through and bringing themselves around the tender edge of the world-wound.

- A child laughs. They investigate.
- Hidden in the wheat are several refugees from the demon-ridden city of Edge and their children. They ask for help, and our heroes give it. They wish to reach Swansberg, for it is said to be a safe place under a kind and competent king.

--- Larger Pushell

- They continue on, refugees in tow, and meet the best-dressed of the group. His name is Masnavi-I-Manavi and he was a diplomat in Edge. He has been helping the refugees come south, and he's willing to become a player character!

- The group push on through the evening. A full moon leers overhead, the corpse of the black apocalypse dragon splatted across the sea of tranquility.

- A town is in view, and they head in through the evening. Circular tracks are ignored.

- They reach the town. No walls. Buildings of stacked stone. A single pub - the Broken Crow - shut hours ago. A granary sags under the wheat of its contents. A barber and taxidermist are interesting, but closed too.

--- Guards? Guards?

- A man in full armour and an extravagant helmet approaches with a lantern. Hammer strides forth, and tells him the situation. Refugees and adventurers in need of room and board.

- After some suspicion, the guard uses his key to let them into the Broken Crow. Inside are tables, benches... and a skeleton bartender! This one is Australian and is called, of course, Guido.

- The skeleton says it'll take a few hours to get the rooms (of which there are two) ready, so feel free to sit on the benches for now. To the exhausted refugees this is wonderful, and they're soon snoring.

--- Final Rumours

- They ask Guido for rumours, and despite lack of content he's happy to oblige.

- A splinter faction from Mt Grumblebelch is causing a nuisance in the hills.
- A fungal infection down the river from Grumblebelch has infected the meat, kill it to grant clear mountain water to those downstream.

- We end slightly early! The secret of Little Pushell is... it can be read as "Little Pus Hell".

Total: 9000 exp

Murders:

- Some bandits (50 exp)

OOC: 

- Carter the Chronicler, Paymaster, and Chef (300 exp/lvl)

- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/lvl)

- Zoë the Vanguard (100 exp/lvl)

Exp Totals:

- George / Hammer Hatmakerson, Level 3 Fighter: 5731 (Level up at 8000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Zoë / Goblinda, Level 2 Goblin: 3117 (Level up at 4000)

*LEVEL UP! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Goblin! +Backstory!

- Carter / Masnavi-I-Manavi, Level 2 Necromancer: 3317 (Level up at 4500)

*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

Session 445 - Dawn of a New Generic Fantasy Era

 Date: 17 March 1626

Zenith: Dispater

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked) 

New Characters:

- Hammer Hatmakerson. The favoured serf of Celebus until he ran away. Fighter.
- Mother Flotsam. An old woman who is vociferously not a witch. Magic-User.

- Benito Brazil. Hungry Halfling on a foreign exchange program. Halfling.

- Aline Dessend. A well-dressed older woman with a skeleton manservant. Necromancer.

--- A New Start

- In the generic fantasy land of the Wheatlands, in the generic fantasy village of Little Pushell, in the generic fantasy tavern called Nice to Weat You, a gang of low level heroes meet up for adventure.

- Mother Flotsam ("not a witch") and the little Hobbit called Benito Brazil, are boon companions. She is helping him navigate the english-speaking world, since his first language is Portuguese.
- Aline and Mother Flotsam, by contrast, have a friendly camaraderie over their shared professional interest in things magickal.
- Guido, the bartender, plonks down frothing mugs of ale. He is a skeleton, and currently emotionally entangled with Hammer Hatmakerson. He's been hiding Hammer in the inn, despite Hammer's misgivings about the Dead.

--- A Quest, Of Course

- Their eyes fall on a mysterious figure smoking at the back of the tavern, cigarette smoke curling from under his hood. They approach and he throws back his hood to reveal... Ratfink Babylon. A hardboiled old ratman who commands pigeons.

- He tells them he's got humans in his basement. 10 000 obols to clear them out. Classic starting quest.

- Meanwhile Aline checks the noticeboard and sees two quests ready to go - "Slay the Last Piece of the Mountain God in the Sephulchre - 5000 obols" and "Clear the Undead basement to unlock Fast Travel".

- So far, so classic. Benito acquires molotov cocktails from the bartender, then mind-controls a local drunk to be his steed. Aline buys some painting supplies.

--- Humans in the Basement

- They arrive at the house of Ratfink Babylon in short order and hear a childish laugh.
- A child calls for aid from a nearby sewer grate so Hammer rips it off to free the child! Alas, it is no ordinary child - it has long limbs and leaps straight for his face!
- Benito runs up and stabs it to death with one blow of his knife. Aline is quick with a vial to catch its Last Breath, but before she can examine it for clues Benito has whipped it into his sack! He's saving it for later, you see.
- Hammer knocks on a neighbour's door for more info. He says the basements beneath the houses here are all linked up, but his reasons for why are very conspiratorial and untrustworthy.

--- Enter the Home of Ratfink

- They head into the house and see it is laid out around a central bathroom. They raid the kitchen for ingredients, but the first thing they find is a weird greeny-yellow mushroom that fuses into Mother Flotsam's hand as soon as she picks it up! She can no longer use that hand, but now has a touch attack.

- They figure out that the central toilet is in fact a lift! They send it down and see many eyes staring back at them...

- Benito chucks a molotov immediately. The long-limbed children SCREAM and die quite quickly.
- When the fire dies, pigeons flutter down from alcoves and start scavenging the cooked flesh.

- The party descend the lift and Benito harvests meat from the corpses. The basements of the houses are indeed connected. 

--- First Loot

- They look around and find loot!
- Benito finds a mushroom that will make him even shorter. Mother Flotsam finds the Quicksilver Charm that slows everyone but her until she leaves the room. Hammer finds the hefty Lachrymaxe - an axe that feeds on torture. Aline gains Blast Armour that releases a detonation when notched.

- Ratfink Babylon arrives and tells them that the kids came with the place so he's glad that they've been removed. He pays up, obols flowing over skin, but Aline wants her payment in trinkets so she gets those.

--- House of Carouse

- Now that they're flush, it's time to party! For everyone but Aline that is, because she's still hung up on this whole thing where they just killed a bunch of unknown children. She decides to research spells instead.

- Mother Flotsam was the life of the party! Carousing costs double in this town now.

- Benito gambled it all away... losing an extra 100 obols.

- Hammer woke up next to a very attractive woman! He even beat his save vs venereal disease!

--- Prep for Next Time

- Next time they'll head on off to kill the mountain god.

- But first, lunch!

- They cook "Friendship Feijoada", consisting of bread, glimmerjack, and succulent child meat. Aline does not partake, but the others find that it's some of the best food they've ever tasted! It even makes them feel lighter, -2 Encumbrance!

- Ratfink Babylon judges from a distance.

Total: 8000 exp

Loot:
- Last Breaths

- Child Meat (5 exp)

- Mushroom Spore-Hand

- Shrinking Violet Mushroom - eat to become 2' tall... permanently.
- Quicksilver Charm - Slow Time Field slows all in room until you leave it.
- Lachrymaxe - Greataxe that feeds on misery; torture someone to death over the course of 10 minutes with it to gain +1 to hit. Max +5. Resets at midday.
- Blast Armour. On Notch, detonates to blast all in 10' radius back 30' and deal d6 damage to all affected (Save vs Blast for half) including yourself; those blasted into walls take double damage.

- Quest Reward: 10 000 obols.

Total: 5 exp

Murders:

- Several long-limbed mutant children (50 exp)

Total: 50 exp

Carousing:

- Benito gains 300 exp!
- Hammer gains 500 exp!
- Mother Flotsam gains 200 exp!

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Treasurer (200 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Hammer Hatmakerson, Level 2 Fighter: 2614 (Level up at 4000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Charles / Benito Brazil, Level 2 Halfling: 2414 (Level up at 4000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Mother Flotsam, Level 2 Magic-User: 2314 (Level up at 4500)

*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

- Carter / Aline Dessend, Level 1 Necromancer: 2214 (Level up at 2250)

Session 444 - End of an Arc

 Date: 24 February 1626

Zenith: Deusix

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)

Events:

--- Let's End This Motherfucker

- Now, this is it! Now is the time to choose.

- The boss battle begins, a spear thrown by Hidra slices past the enemy's face.

- The enemy is named Un'Goth who is possessing Balagos, one of the three Necromancers who our heroes are trying to murder. Said heroes will murder him before the day is through.

- Skeletons emerge from berths in the far wall and unsheathe shadowy punch-daggers from their wrsits weapped in silver wire.

--- Swippety Swappety

- Ghost Snels turns and twists a key into the wall, opening a door to the Gardens of Ynn.

- Nieval the Good fires a magical crossbow bolt at Un'Goth on his throne. On contact, they swap places. Nieval sits upon a throne of bone, Un'Goth is in shoved out the door.
- Bye bitch!
- Un'Goth is now in the gardens. Nieval is now under assault by a bunch of freezing skeletons. Ideal.

--- Eye Scream

- Un-Goth grabs his eyes and THROWS them like bolas into the main hall! They click-clack around Snels's neck! The mental wrestle begins! Snels maintains his mind... for now.

- A ball made of meat and bone emerges from the door beside the throne. It is the Ponderous Orb, created from a load of skin kites wrapped around a sphere of bones, and it slurps down any flesh is makes contact with. It rolls over Nieval, who screams bloody murder.

--- All Mind

-Sulphur starts taking over the enemies, huffing down a Last Breath and demanding that they obey him. They are strong, so it takes time.
- In the mean time his undead tear chunks out of the enemy. Little by little they are thinning the swarm.

---Begone

- Un'Goth runs in from the door to Ynn and is immediately whipped back out by Hidra. Snels twists the key, jamming the key in the lock. Un'Goth is GONE!

- The ghost-skeletons are a real horror for our resident Necromancer, since every time one dies it possesses a nearby Dead entity.

- Nevertheless, after more near-death experiences than I expected and a LOT of flesh-eating from the Ponderous Orb, our heroes emerge triumphant!

--- Victory!

- Nieval sits upon the throne of bone. The others strip the silver wire from the enemy dead.

- They find the ritual that creates a Ponderous Orb in the next room, alongside a spellbook containing several other spells and many potions.

- In the meantime, Balagos, Mancy and Dargle have started to merge via maggots. They are slain via stomps.

- The soul-battleaxe of Castigate Pox is found amongst the treasures. A partnership between Hidra and Castigate is forged.

- After all this, our heroes decide to retire. Next time, the Wheatlands!

Retired:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 7 Boo-gilist:

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism

- Carter / Hidra, Level 6 Fighter

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 6 Specialist

Session 443 - Prepping for Ungoth

Date: 17 February 1626

Zenith: The Allfather

Moon Phase: New Moon

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)

Events:

--- The Mysterious Child

- We return to our heroes as they stand in Mancy's bedroom, having just discovered the secret passage that leads upwards into the dark.

- Descending the stairs is a small girl-child in too-big Necromancer robes. She introduces herself as Apex, one of the best Necromancers around! Hidra stabs her with the Black Blade of the Dardanelles and she vanishes. Childish laughter echoes from above.

- Hidra lights a torch and ascends the stairs, followed by the others.

--- Curtainfall

- The stairs open out into a large room. A large but historically accurate sarcophagus is in the middle of the room. Steps ascend to an altar bearing golden cups, behind which is a big black curtain.

- Nieval approaches the golden cups and decides to poke the curtain just in case. Alas! It's a whole load of skin kites knitted together and painted black!

- Combat ensues, worst of which is the fact that attacking the curtain makes it split into two smaller skin kite curtains which attack (and absorb skin) separately!

- Hidra's attempts to burn the skin kites to death result in him also going on fire! The scraps of skin kite that separate set Nostradama on fire too!

- After a lot of punching, slashing, and skin-absorption, the skin kite curtain is defeated! Sulfur sends in his zombie horde to smother Hidra, while Nieval smothers Nostradama in the vanished necro-kid's robe.

--- Loot

- Nieval investigates the altar and finds seven golden cups, one of which is ruby-encrusted. He picks up the ruby one and... wow! It fills with wine, but hurts him a little to do so. It's good wine though.

- Hidra examines the sarcophagus, discovering that the inside of the lid is shiny. He lies inside it, closes the lid... and discovers that he can see the nearby landscape from a birds eye view!

- There's an ominous green glow coming from Morning Light Mountain's hole in the midst of the ominous spikes. A huge wooden goose pecks at the ground.

--- Uno Reverse

- They continue on and run into a pack of zombies and skeletons.

- Sulfur huffs Last Breath and subjugates half of them! The subjugated ones turn on their former fellows.

--- Ungoth Unveiled

- They reach a big throne room. Upon the throne is a guy in black-and-white checkered Necromancer robes and a skull wreathed in black flames! It's Ungoth!

- Capsule hotel berths in the wall contain shadowy skeletal figures.

- Mancy asks if he's found the Ponderous Orb spell yet. He has not... but monologues about how it was originally intended to destroy the Beast in the Core of the Earth but now he's going to use it to take over the world!!!

- Hidra chucks his spear, grazing Ungoth's burning skull face. It's on!

- ... next time! Because it's getting late.

Total: 6000 exp

Foes:

- Skin Kite Curtain (500 exp)

- Assorted lesser dead (100 exp)

Total: 600 exp

Loot:

- 6 golden cups (1800 exp)
- Goblet of Transubstantiation (800 exp)

Total: 2600 exp

OOC:

- Kitty the Chronicler (100 exp/level)

- Carter the Expedition leader (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Zoë the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 7 Boo-gilist: 73843 (Level up at 144000)

*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 57732 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 6 Fighter: 46544 (Level up at 64000)

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 6 Specialist: 38919 (Level up at 56000)

Session 442 - Return to the Valley of the Necromancer Kings

Date: 10 February 1626

Zenith Deity: The Lady

Moon Phase: Third Quarter

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)

Revealed Backstory:

- Ghost Snels was given a curse for a a Denialist name as a prank. His full name is Live-Peacefully-And-Without-Hatred-Lest-Ye-Be-Cursed-To-The-Form-Of-A-Terrible-Ghost Snels. Once per session, someone totally believes a plausible lie.

Events:

--- A Perfectly Lovely Repast

- Sulphur sits at the dining table with the lovely Klausson family, while Hidra's head leans through the window. The family is grumbling about Winter Wonderland and the strange people who appear around here via various means.
- Sulphur notices something strange about the mother's face, and snorts a quick line of bone dust to activate bone vision. While most of the Klausson family have normal bones... the mother is all cartilage.
- Also, upstairs, he sees the X-rayed figure of Ghost Snels where he stands considering a locked door. In the attic above said door, a humanoid skitters and scurries.

--- Various Shenanigans

- Assuming that Sulphur's little bump of the white stuff was a different kind of white stuff, the father gives a not-that-surreptitious wink and invites her out to the barn for a quick wink-wink-nose-tap.

- The elder daughter attempts to capture Hidra, fails, but soon seduces him. He has no good reason not to accept.
- Through the locked door, Ghost Snels talks to an evil twin of the mother Klaussen, and leaves well enough alone.
- In the barn, the father offers Sulphur a line of Notcoke. The dad partakes, Sulphur merely pretends to and sweeps it into a handy vial while taking another line of bone dust... he looks down... the whole house is built on bones!!!

--- Exactly What They Seemed

- Ghost Snels has, by now, descended to the family dinner. He enquires as to whether there are any nearby dungeons, tombs, or similar locales of a treasurous nature.

- The mother withdraws from the table, stumbles backwards, and disappears down the sink!
- In the barn, the father admits that this is the same wife that has always been here. The same Mother Klaussen for 2000 years! He smiles sadly... now he's going to have to kill them all.
- There is a rumbling as outside, fingerbones start emerging from the fields.
- From wherever they are, our heroes FLEE towards the portal whence they came!

- Ghost Snels puts his fingers to his secret earbud, hidden by his skull smoke. He calls into Pope Obamus' private channel and says there's a wedding on his position.
- "Reaper drone 60 seconds out" is the reply.

- The last to know is Hidra who is currently mid-coitus. His lover begins to freeze over, hoping to preserve him in ice. Thankfully Hidra has Santa nature and its commensurate resistance to cold, plus Santa's ability to disappear from tight spaces! He whooshes down through the cracks in the floorboards, into Castigate Pox, and away!

- The MOAB hits and the pressure wave blasts everyone through the final portal, back Whence they came!

--- Border Skirmish

- In transit they find the creatures that Hidra had banished across the nearest border with the Black Blade of the Dardanelles!

- They are persuaded not to fight... for now. It's only a couple of ghosts and an urchin-bellied zombie guy after all. The foes make insinuations that they'll be back and better prepared next time...

--- Back to the Necromancer Zone

- Whoosh! They're back to the Necromancer Caves they were in before Christmas!

- Mancy is here (feeding off vermin) and they set off into a room of statues featuring Mancy, Dargle, Balagos and the Apocalypse Dragon Ereshkigal.
- After some lore questions vis-a-vis the statues, and a cold and bitter wind that freezes Sulphur in place for a while, they continue.
- They come to a ritual chamber door and squeak it open to reveal 14 cultists on chairs watching a shadow puppet play of POWERLAD's adventures.

- They leave well enough alone.. but take note of theatre times so they can see the next showing.

--- The Prison

- They head the other way and come to a big "interview room". Mancy gets a massage. The party head to the side entrance - a prison. For the mere price of fixing his arm, the skeletal guard gives over a cool shield.
- They check the various doors to see what's imprisoned within. There's an evil bed, rat people, a troll reading a book, a prisoner breathing heavily. Fine.

--- The Coolest Guy

- They head beyond the interview room and discover a Frankenstein project in progress. Ghost Snels flips levers and discovers that the last one was to insert EVIL!
- Sulphur leaps forth, and as the beast writhes with evil energies, absorbs as much evil as possible! Sulphur now has horns, a dark halo, and three shadows that orbit. Obviously evil to all who see him.
- The awakened monster rises from the table. His jawline, impeccable. His muscles, well-sculpted. He puts on a suit of armour with the big space marine shoulder pauldrons.
- Castigate Pox wants to be him so bad!

- He addresses Mancy, his creator, and reveals that he plans to single-handedly destroy the Mother of Goblins.

--- Mancy's Chamber

- They leave the Frankenstein (mysteriously that's just his name, not his creator's name) and enter Mancy's bedroom.

- Within is most of his stuff, including a chest of his things and a cursed staff that Balagos cursed when they fell out.

- Hidra speaks the secret words and lo! The bedroom chamber opens!

- Beyond is a grand chamber. Stairs lead up to a dark figure, black robes billowing, staff glowing in his crooked hands. It is Un'Goth! The leader of the Necromantic Triumverate!

- He descends. Un'Goth is here!

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures:

- 3 sets of Necromancer Robes.

- Glyph of Warding

- Periapt of Holy Water

- Book #403 - "Ur-Gallukh, City of Tiles" (50 exp)
Total: 50 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler & Expedition Leader (200 exp/level)
- George the Cartographer & Chef (200 exp/level)

- Kitty the Paymaster & Vanguard (200 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 70880 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 6 Fighter: 43681 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 6 Denialist Cleric: 41681 (Level up at 72000)