Session 255 - Fangs for the Memories

Finally, some downtime!
Our heroes get in a bit of trouble in their new town of Neo Spacedin, defuse a potentially deadly situation, and shotgun a dinosaur in the head!

Session 255 - Fangs for the Memories

Date:

February. 15 years after the End.

Character List:

- Andromeda, Andromedan Vampire / Kitty - Red, Duellist Fighter / Timothy- Ratman, Ratman / Izzy
- Nobody, Barbarian / George - Beepbox Strawberry Stars de Moor, Cleric of the New Eden / Ollie - Luna, Vampire Thrall / Jonnathan

Downtime:
- Funeral held for Flowers Penurious
-- Attendees: Nobody, Luna, Beepbox, Andromeda, Ratman. (5423 exp ea.)
- Carousing!
-- Carousers:
--- Nobody: 3600 exp
--- Luna: 2800 exp
--- Beepbox: 1200 exp
--- Andromeda: 4000 exp
--- Ratman: 1000 exp

Foes:

- A vengeful Achillobator (250 exp)
- An ambushed Gigantosaurus (1500 exp)
Total: 1750 exp

Events:

--- Down and Out in Neo Spacedin
- The party is back at their camp, looking at their wagons full of preserved food, wondering how they’ll get them back to the new town of Neo Spacedin without their various steeds. Thankfully, a bunch of space marines show up to help them get it all home! Lovely!
- They’re soon back in Neo Spacedin and it’s been a long long time since they were able to just spend some time in a town. They’ve built up a lot of social capital by healing the rift between man and Mod-Con. Currency is out, social capital is in! It’s space communism baby!
- They’ve also got to hold a wake for poor Flowers Penurious. Andromeda gets to work consecrating a new Church of POWERLAD to have the funeral in. She can’t enter it without crippling her vampire powers, but that’s a small price to pay for religion!
- They spend a month in Neo Spacedin in the end, though Nobody’s barbarian presence makes the debauchery that much more debauched. Nobody is conned by a conman. Luna has a strange sexual situation with a genderswapped version of herself and a literal swine. Beepbox gambles big on drone races and loses. Ratman is just a massive bell-end all night and gets a bad reputation.
- Only Andromeda survives the carousing unscathed, despite having consumed by far the most booze (or at least, booze-soaked blood) and ending up like a horrific tick sitting at the bar.

--- On the Road Again
- We come back to the party as they’re preparing to set off from Neo Spacedin. The new town is lovely, but these barrels of iron rations are practically worthless here since they’ve got all the pizza they’d ever want via the UFO’s replicators.
- Unfortunately the rain is torrential so they’ve got to wait a few days. Andromeda sends a space marine, name of Private Parts, off to Mt Death Frost to inform the vampires of the nation-state of Neo Spacedin. Her message to Bertha - they are independent of Styx and seek an alliance.
- The marine returns a few days later as the party’s wagon-train prepares to set off. He’s significantly more pale and has big fangs now. Obviously a vampire! In his woozy bloodless state he tells Andromeda the message from the vampires… “We’re coming”.

- Andromeda and Red decide to hang back at Neo Spacedin to confront the oncoming vampires in case there’s some sort of combat situation. The others leave in the wagon train, presuming that their slow off-road speed will make it easy for the others to catch them up. Onwards!

--- Revenge of the Achillobator
- Proudly ensconced in their upgraded wagons, the wagon train rumbles off over the savannah. Their goal - hit the edge of the jungle then follow it down to the edge of the dome. From there they can follow the dome itself around to the exit.
- The wagons themselves have been upgraded by various ridiculous means into specialised off-road vehicles, powered by jet-packs, drones, and even living segways. Beepbox has managed to create an emoji-based communication method with his new friend the drone, and upgraded it with a ray-gun so he can authorise drone strikes.
- As they reach the jungle, Nobody sees eyes flashing at him from the ferns. Thinking nothing of it, he follows the wagon train as they turn south to follow the jungle’s edge… and a huge raptor-like dinosaur bursts from the underbrush and leaps at the side of his wagon! It’s the same achillobator that was possessed by Galaxy Johnson, here for revenge!
- As the creature’s massive claw slashes in through the window and scrapes his skin, he reaches for the shotgun he picked up from Neo Spacedin! Nobody blasts at it and cries for help!
- Unfortunately everybody else’s wild shots back at his wagon hit Nobody. Nobody screams, rays and beams peppering him, firing another shotgun shell into the dinosaur’s jaw! Luna shudders, an alien force manifesting through her body, and shadowy tendrils bind the dinosaur to the ground!
- The beast reels, pulled away from the moving wagon by the binding shadow, and Beepbox’s drone flies past with its rotors whirring! The achillobator’s head is severed from its body, plopping into Nobody’s lap and bleeding all over the upholstery.
- He kicks it into the passenger seat and jumps out of the slow-moving wagon. Nobody slices the beast’s huge claws off to use as daggers. Nobody’s first nemesis - defeated!

--- The Vampires Cometh

- Meanwhile in Neo Spacedin, Andromeda sees the horizon full of black specks as hundreds of bats swarm towards the town. She waves the last of the town’s population into her new church, they’ll be safer from the vampires in there. The body of Private Parts is in there too - he asked to be unvampired by Bertha, so she sucked him dry. He’ll be back to normal if exposed to dawn’s light.
- Bertha descends amongst a cloud of bats. It’s tense… until Bertha starts talking and apologises for the worry! Turns out Private Parts was a bit of an idiot and got the wrong end of the stick! She agrees not to suck anyone without consent and to form a general anti-Styx alliance. All is well!
- They draw up a contract and prepare to sign in blood, when suddenly the wording of the contract shifts and shimmers and Andromeda’s hand bursts off! The hand blackens and withers and suddenly grows into a spider-priest! She looks back at her arm and finds her hand is still there, but the spider-priest is very real!
- He tells them that he’s been cursed with legal knowledge, charged with notarising contracts by Sir Robyn who keeps turning up despite being dead in every timeline. After chatting with Red and the ghost of Lonely Blade, the contract is duly notarised! Hurrah!
- With the situation resolved amicably, Red and Andromeda jump-pack back along the wagon-tracks to catch up with the rest of the party.

--- The Sun Gun
- They catch up a few hours later, finding the rest of the party with their wagons parked discussing what to do about the massive theropod stomping around a strange black obelisk a quarter mile away.
- They’ve got the jump on it, so they decide to go all-out! Red unloads a hail of riflefire, Nobody fires a magna-cannon, Beepbox snipes with his beam rifle, and Ratman sends in a couple of rats with grenades! The Gigantosaurus is practically blown to bits, with Andromeda taking the kill via a bat-form aerial drop onto its neck. It didn’t stand a chance!
- The grenade did something strange to the obelisk though. A voice echoing in everyone’s minds booms out that the local star will be swapped for another in 30 standard time intervals. The party look at each other in concern… the sun’s going to be swapped?!
- Beepbox comes to the rescue! Using his miraculous ability to speak with anything, he lays a hand on the obelisk and speaks to its machine spirit. He manages to deactivate the sun-swap protocol and undeploy the obelisk. It folds down like paper and reveals a silver cylinder within.
- Wondering why the fuck anybody would want this device, least of all need it, Andromeda flies up in bat-form to the still-ascending DJ-GJ hybrid. Galaxy Johnson says he brought it from his homeworld because it seemed rad, it must have fallen out in the crash!
- We end the session on a speculative note. What if they actually fired the gun at the sun? What if a vampire ended up inside the sun? What would happen to the planet if the sun was a different size? Beepbox insists he should be able to reprogram it to swap anything… but what would he do with such power? Only time can tell...

Total: 5000 exp

Team Bonus:

- Ace Attorney bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Fame bonus
- Holy bonus
- Leave a Man Behind bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- PETA bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Schindler’s bonus
- Social Justice Warrior bonus
- Split the Party bonus
- Tactical Fighting bonus

Total: 800 exp

Individual Bonus:

- Chronicler (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Izzy / Ratman - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Jonnathan / Luna - 100 exp)

- Vanguard (George / Nobody - 100 exp)
- Triage (Ollie / Beepbox - 100 exp)
- Chef (Ollie / Beepbox - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty - 500 exp)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 7 Andromedan Vampire: 136044 (Level up at 144000)

- Tim / Red, Level 7 Duellist Fighter: 73121 (Level up at 128000)

- Izzy / Ratman, Level 7 Ratman: 63420 (Level up at 96000)

- George / Nobody, Level 5 Barbarian: 31282 (Level up at 32000)

- Ollie / Beepbox Strawberry Stars de Moor, Level 5 Cleric of the New Eden: 20737 (Level up at 28000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1d6 Healing Pool! +1 Faith! +Saves Improve! +Backstory!

- Jonnathan / Luna, Level 4 Vampire Thrall: 12718 (Level up at 18000)
Level Up! +1 HP! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1 HP! +Backstory!

Session 253 - We’re Not Here to Fuck Microwaves

Session 253 - We’re Not Here to Fuck Microwaves

Date:

December. 15 years after the End.

Character List:

- Andromeda, Andromedan Vampire / Kitty

- DJ, Intergalacticist Cleric / Charles

- Red, Duellist Fighter / Timothy
- Zulu Snakebite, Barbarian / Ollie
- Dargo, Inheritor / Russell
- Luna, Vampire / Johnathon
- Ratman, Ratman / Izzy

Foes:

- Disabled UFO weapons (1000 exp)
- “Disabled” a squad of space marines (500 exp)
Total: 1500 exp

Events:

--- Aftermath
- In the aftermath of the battle, Dargo digests the corpse of the powerful Barbarian woman to go along with her pet dinosaur. Together forever inside his bulk. Lovely.
- Zulu is discovered to be gone, having flown off on her antelope sleigh to deal with her Santa Claus duties. Luckily Beepbox has turned up! He quickly gets to work repairing one of the drones, speaking to it with his Styxian miracle, while Dargo hefts the rest in a big box onto his shoulder.
- The drone explains how it gained sentience after the humans messed around with the clocks, and flies up to scout. It tells Beepbox that it can see a stegosaurus in one direction, a strange goop in another, and of course the crashed UFO down the crash trail.

- Evil Rumours
- It’s decided to rest up and recuperate, several people got pretty hurt and the Clerics are low on miracles. After avoiding such perils as giant ants with the help of Beepbox’s drone friend, they arrive back at the campsite… only to discover that someone has discovered it first!
- There are bodies scattered around the place, open tents, and scattered equipment. Andromeda flicks through her vision modes and sees that there’s a man hiding in one of the tents!
- She bursts in and accosts him and the guy flails for his spear! He pleads for his life, and says he’s hiding from a glowing dinosaur with a gun! After a little more interrogation, Andromeda drains his blood and Dargo consumes him for information. They don’t believe the gun dinosaur story.
- Despite being unable to consume it, Andromeda offers to cook. DJ and the Ratman head out to forage and find nothing but some suspicious berries. Thankfully when they return they find that Andromeda’s cooking up a delicious dish - T-Rex steak on a bed of moss, with an optional compote of diarrhoea berries.

--- Evil Dinosaur
- The others sleep while the vampires Andromeda and Luna stay up talking about goth bands. As the night draws on, they see a red glow slipping through the trees…
- Andromeda turns into bat form and flies over to investigate, finding a man-high theropod with a glowing red gem in its chest! It seems to see her, and while she pretends to be a bat it extends shadowy tendrils and begins to climb the tree towards her…
- She bugs out, flying back to the camp and readying herself for battle! They decide not to wake up the others and thankfully the creature doesn’t follow. Phew!

--- Roll Out

- Refreshed after the night’s sleep, the party wake up into a humid morning that only threatens to get stickier as the day moves on.
- They discuss whether they’re going to be using the cool but radioactive space armour. The answer - who cares if they’ll get cancer in 30 years? Nobody’s living that long anyway! Everyone dons the space armour other than Dargo, who is simply too massive to be contained in such a small suit, and Beepbox who integrates a jump pack into his existing armour.
- It’s time to head to the UFO proper geared up with alien tech! On the way some buff dinosaurs are distracted by DJ plastering a screaming face to a termite mound.

--- Another Warzone!
- They follow the drone towards the UFO, hearing gunfire and seeing occasional energy-mortars falling from the sky. The drone diverts them slightly, bringing them to a bunch of Mod Cons pinned down behind a low rise. Between them and the UFO is a No Man’s Land littered with dead people and appliances!
- Beepbox gets the appliances to hold fire by talking to their washing machine commander, and DJ begins a brave assault on the enemy human forces! He jump-packs across the battlefield, stands atop the ridge, and blows a wave of classic chill-wave over the fighters. Everyone chills the fuck out, but DJ is framed atop the ridge and vulnerable to UFO turret-fire!
- Beepbox throws his foam gun to Andromeda and she warps over to the UFO with her void pet, foaming up one of the gun turrets. Dargo draws fire, grabbing a big boulder from the battlefield and defending Luna with it. DJ casts Abduct on a midair energy mortar… sending it hovering upwards and out of danger while Andromeda foams up the mortar itself!

- Red takes out the final gun, and DJ goes into the chill field to try to make peace with the woman whose armour he stole before. She’s having none of it, and the vibe begins to get weird…
- There’s nothing for it, he’s got to use his final option - Incite Orgy! A wave of lust emanates, pulling in pretty much everybody from around the battlefield, including the charging appliances…

--- Fuck Machines
- Red stares into the orgy zone with innocent fascination. Every time she looks away she forgets what she just saw, then when she looks back it’s the orgy again. Very strange. She even forgets what Dargo is doing with his tentacles.

- After a while she gets bored and checks out the UFO, soon finding a door. She bangs on the door until a man begrudingly answers. He’s a bit of a silver fox and he’s called George because I made up a name on the spot and apparently just say the names of absent players when they’re not there.

- Red spends the next half hour annoying people and generally being unseduced by George’s obvious seduction attempts. Most of the people in the ship are watching the screens, fascinated by the orgy outside.
- Eventually the orgy ends. The fighting is over now, they literally made love not war! They put their clothes back on, and making occasional awkward grins at each other and patting exhausted microwaves and automatic whisks. The washing machine commander puts himself on a strong rinse cycle.
- DJ’s lover, who says her name is Alice, staggers bow-legged over to the UFO and opens the door, letting everyone inside. The people within are confused, they were totally just watching something on the screens… but what? And why is everyone staggering to grab glasses of water and slices of pizza? Why is there a queue for the toilets? And why, most of all, does everyone seem to be friends with the Mod Cons now?

- Whatever the reason, it seems that the space marines and appliances are now at peace!

Total: 6000 exp

Team Bonus:

- Antagonist Appeaser bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Coitus boners
- Classic Charles bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Fame bonus
- Freudian bonus
- High as Fuck bonus
- Holy bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Mad Inventor bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- Monster “Infighting” bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- Pitched Battle bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Tentacle Molestation bonus

Total: 850 exp

Individual Bonus:

- Chronicler (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Izzy / Ratman - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / DJ - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Zulu - 100 exp)

- Vanguard (Russell / Dargo - 100 exp)
- Chef (Jonathon / Luna - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Red - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty, Ollie, Izzy - 500 exp ea.)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 7 Andromedan Vampire: 103262 (Level up at 144000)

- Charles / Dustin Johnson, Level 7 Intergalacticist Cleric: 102365 (Level up at 112000)

- Tim / Red, Level 7 Duellist Fighter: 71862 (Level up at 128000)

- Russell / Dargo, Level 6 Inheritor: 65716 (Level up at 72000)

- Izzy / Ratman, Level 6 Ratman: 34938 (Level up at 48000)

- Ollie / Beepbox Strawberry Stars de Moor, Level 4 Cleric of the New Eden: 12655 (Level up at 14000)

- Jonathon / Luna, Level 2 Vampire Thrall: 3136 (Level up at 4500)

Level Up! +1 HP! +Backstory!

Session 247 - Bertha’s Ghost

Bertha attacks, fueled by her grief! Luna gives herself willingly to a vampire!
Level drain! A banshee! That bit from 300 where all those dudes get charged off the cliff!

On with the show...

Session 247 - Bertha’s Ghost

Date:

15 years after the End.

Character List:

- Andromeda, Level 7 Andromedan Vampire / Kitty

- Red, Level 6 Duellist Fighter / Timothy

- Zulu Snakebite, Level 6 Barbarian / Ollie- Granite “Grumpy” Ironjaw, Level 6 Warden Dwarf

- Dargo, Level 4 Inheritor / Russell - Luna, Level 3 Necromancer / Jonathon- The New Moondin Lost Boys, Level 1 Extras / George

New Backstory:

- Beepbox blames himself for the death of his father due to his failings as a healer, and he won’t let it happen again! When someone dies nearby, you can take a crit from whatever killed them to make them unconscious instead.
- Hope Jackson of the Lost Boys has spent his life flouting the law, and he’s not going to stop now! +1 to hit guards, soldiers, and other forces of law and order.

Flowers Penurious - Orphan Leader of the Lost Boys

Foes:

- 3 vampires (2100 exp)
- Bertha (1500 exp)
Total: 3600 exp

Events:

--- ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ
- The banshee rushes towards Andromeda, screaming about how she stole POWERLAD! The ghostly spirit expands as it grows closer and closer, its mouth yawning wider and wider… and suddenly dissipates into mist!
- The party is standing on a wide cliff edge in front of a deep cave. Bertha strides out from the darkness, pointing directly at Andromeda, demanding to know how she has the gall to come here! Flanking her are two very hammy vampires in leather. To the rear, on the cliff edge, is the vampire who brought them all up here with a rat horde elevator.
- Andromeda, calling herself “Vampdromeda”, stands firm. She apologises on the behalf of all Andromedae and Bertha is suddenly reminded of her grief over POWERLAD’s betrayal and death. She falls to her knees in grief… and her grief is so powerful that it affects Andromeda too. They fall to their knees and weep tears of blood.
- The grey ghost of Bertha’s grief rises out of Bertha’s weeping form. It wears a tattered wedding dress and rotting veil, and the mere sight of it would drive any ordinary mortal mad with fear! But those standing on the cliff stand strong, even when they catch a glance of the terrifying face beneath her veil! Zulu protects Dargo from its gaze.
- The widow unleashes a terrible cry, crumbling the armour of all but Grumpy who is protected by his Styxian faith and Zulu who wears nothing but a fur bikini and an incongruous handbag! She turns on Luna and points a finger, and a rotting veil falls over her head. She has been marked for death!
- Luna doesn’t really mind though as the leather-clad vampires vamp their way into guard positions on either side of the weeping women. Luna’s plan is to get drained and turned into a vampire anyway, so this is perfect! She walks forward into the embrace of the nearest vampire, whose name turns out to be Fanx.
- The other vampire, Jax, is very jealous of this development. His jealousy doesn’t last too long though because he gets very distracted by Dargo’s insane vine-grapple move! Jax is pinned to the wall of the cave as stake-like thorns pierce his flesh and acidic sap eats away at his skin!
- It’s a poor start for the Lost Boys as they form a firing line and the yell of “kill the undead!” gets misinterpreted! Luna’s zombies are wiped out in a volley of beam fire after a fumble goes wrong.
- Red runs at the widow with Lonely Blade, the spider soul of her dead stepbrother manifesting to strike twice at the ghost with a double combo attack! The ghost shrieks, lacerated by the magical blades!
- Zulu fires at the vampire minion at the rear whose name is apparently Drakulasei and misses, so he finally springs into action! Grumpy jumps in front of Zulu to defend her with his glaive, warding the vampire off!
- Another volley of beamfire from the Lost Boys crits Drakulesei, piercing his vampire heart as he leaps towards Zulu! The vampire collapses into fine, heavy dust.
- The widow flows towards Luna, shaking in Fanx’s grip as he drains her dry, and pulls her head to the side to help finish her off! Fanx lets her body slump to the ground and smiles languidly. So full! Jax, getting torn to shreds by vines nearby, yells at him to help!
- The grief wave dissipates along with the widow and Bertha looks up into Andromeda’s eyes. She looks apologetic, and explains that the Widow is all the grief she never dealt with after never making up with POWERLAD before his death. She read the POWERLAD romance novels over and over to feel close to him, and the Widow is the part of her that believes they’re real. Cheating and love children and all.
- Andromeda passes her the Saviourbone hammer, telling her it’s made of POWERLAD’s dragon-bones, as a sign of contrition on behalf of all Andromedae.
- She puts her hand on the haft and the hammer head starts to crackle with lightinng. “You know, I don’t know why I ever fought you. You seem alright and you’re a vampire too… Come on, let’s kill some people!”
- Bertha shapeshifts into a wolf with the hammer in its jaws, leaps off Andromeda’s back, and pounces towards Red! She shifts back midair, hammer swinging down, but misses! She lets go of the hammer and grabs Red’s neck instead, biting her and sucking out her blood. Red is level drained! The worst curse of the vampire!
- Grumpy yells, “Hey can you sign this book?!” to try and distract her, but it doesn’t work. Bertha snarls out a muffled “maybe later”.
- Andromeda yells, “stop that!” and runs to stop Bertha… biting into her neck from behind! It’s a vampire chain! Andromeda’s biting Bertha who’s biting Red! Bertha twists round and bites Andromeda back, draining a level in return!
- Red kicks them both off her and they roll towards the edge of the cliff… then follows up with a strike that slices off Bertha’s jaw! She rears back and the Lost Boys run over to assist her, hoping to get in her good graces.
- Before they get a chance to do more than but her head in an old timey jaw bandage, they’re rammed off the cliff by the disgruntled Grumpy! The Lost Boys and Bertha fall down the mountain, plummeting to certain doom!

--- Form of Bat!
- Grumpy, Red, Zulu and Andromeda look down the cliffside to see Bertha transform into a giant bat and catch some of the Lost Boys out of the air! She spreads her leathery wings wide and tries to slow their fall.
- Andromeda jumps after her, skydiving off the edge! Zulu whistles for her ibex and jumps on, the beasts’ agile feet letting it jump down the cliff face! Grumpy and Red watch them go, nonplussed.

--- Topside
- The pair turn, bickering about why the hell Grumpy thought it would be cool to ram party members off a cliff, and realise that there’s still a fight going on! Jax has broken out of Dargo’s vine attack, and the two vampires are warily staring down his monstrous hybrid demon form from the cave mouth.

- The vampires retreat, not willing to risk more fighting while Jax is hurt and Fanx is so full of blood - his belly is swollen and red like a mosquito! They sashay back into the cave, arguing between themselves.
- Dargo sweeps the ashes of the slain vampire into a bag in case he wants to eat them later, and the Topside team head into the cave. They’ve got to bury Luna’s body after all!
- Dargo decides to use the power of Dino-Mum to create an incubator inside his body for the dinosaur eggs. Looks like he and Red are gonna be dino parents!

--- Freefall

- The wind catches at Andromeda’s clothes as she dives down towards the struggling bat and its string of dangling Extras. The bat banks towards another of the caves that honeycomb the cliffside and Andromeda adjusts herself to follow… preparing to turn into a bat just in time to dart into the cave after them.
- Dangling from the bat, Flowers Penurius feels fear! His other orphans plummet to their doom around him and splat gruesomely onto the rocks below. Hope Jackson clings to his shoestrings, just managing to hold on before they crash into a rough landing in a cave mouth. Bertha returns to vampire form, rolling along the rocky ground and trailing blood from her jawless face.
- Flowers tries to talk to Bertha before anyone else shows up, but she can only gargle from her destroyed mouth. A spiderweb of bone and muscle is growing out of Bertha’s mouth, constructing a fragile jaw.
- Flowers asks about her plans to destroy Styx and she denies that she’s plotting to usurp him. They put up with each other, but there’s always the implicit threat of allowing vampire-destroying rays through the diamond dome. If she rises up against him she’s got no real chance of victory.
- A bat flutters in behind them and elegantly reforms into Andromeda! Talk turns to their relationship as Zulu enters the cave dramatically, lantern held in the mouth of her ibex. The flighty Lost Boys nearly shoot her before seeing it’s a friend.
- Bertha says she’s saving all the vampires she creates. They’re freed from the cycle of rebirth because they can’t wear their medical kara so can’t have their minds re-uploaded. Technically, yes, everyone here is under her thrall, but she doesn’t enforce it! She doesn’t really know much about the brain-obol every reborn person has in their head, other than it’s an artificial soul.
- Andromeda makes an ill-advised joke about POWERLAD and Bertha is suddenly reminded of all she’s lost! Apologies don’t help and Bertha starts to cry again, catching both Andromeda and the Lost Boys in her grief! The widow emerges once more, and points a shaking finger at Zulu!

--- The Bat Men
- Topside, Red leads the party into the caverns, ghostly sword raised above her head to shed a pale rippling corpse-light across the increasingly smooth tunnel walls. The light reveals UV graffiti, written by vampires over time.
- The stone floor becomes soft and loamy. They’re in a large, smooth chamber with hooks and straps all up the walls… and a soft cackling from above. It’s Jax and Fanx, still bickering with each other from overhead!
- Jax tells them that burying a body here will make it emerge as a vampire, mostly to throw Fanx under the bus for being a dick and letting him get murdered by vines. Fanx has some very misogynistic views on women who let just any guy suck them.
- Red tries to persuade them to come down so that she can kill them by exchanging backstories. Asked about what’s deeper in, the vampires warn of “the Butcher” and tell them that it’s honestly an all-around bad time inside.
- Eventually Fanx agrees to come dig the grave for the corpse that will become his thrall, and under the watchful eyes of the others does so while petulantly flinging dirt at Jax on the ceiling. Red takes the opportunity to carve an insulting (by her standards) note on the wall that says she’ll forgive and forget if she gets her blood back.
- Dargo lays the body to rest by flopping his ox-centaur-body’s human half rubberily into the hole and placing the corpse gently below. From this angle we can even see the soft glow of the dinosaur egg incubator inside him.
- The team retreats away with vampires in tow. The first few hours of your rebirth are by far the worst, and nothing you want to see. “Everyone hates their birth-day!” says Jax, who is now confused by why Red is nodding her agreement so earnestly.

--- No Chill
- “These women… too emotional,” says Zulu as the Widow emerges and flies straight at her, claws outstretched and screaming! Zulu screams right back, a shout of rage! “I fucked POWERLAD too!” she yells, smashing her forehead straight into the Widow’s face!
- Bertha weeps harder at this, sending waves of grief into Andromeda and the Lost Boys, all weeping together, and the Widow unleashes a deafening scream! Zulu is deafened by a fun table gimmick and physically cannot hear anyone, yelling too-loudly that she’s sending her lantern-bearing ibex to set fire to Bertha!
- The ibex charges Bertha and knocks her back, charging her round a bend in the cave and freeing the others from her grief field! They stand, Andromeda lit up by lightning as she summons her Storm Hammer, and the Lost Boys charge round the corner!
- The Widow vanishes and Zulu chases the rest… finding Bertha calmly petting the ibex. It really calmed her down. “What a nice nice beast” she says, smiling at everyone, “sorry for being such a crybaby!”

Total: 2200 exp

Team Bonus:

- AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa bonus
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Chase bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Fame bonus
- Freudian bonus
- Heresy bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Infamy bonus
- Internecine Strife bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Mountaineer bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus
- Rumour Investigator bonus
- Shunga bonus
- Split the Party bonus
- SpoOoOoky bonus
- Tentacle Molestation bonus
- This! is! Sparta! Bonus
- Vore bonus
- Why Did You Say That bonus

Total: 1500 exp

Individual Bonus:

- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Jonathon / Luna - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Zulu - 100 exp)

- Vanguard (George / Lost Boys - 100 exp)
- Triage (Timothy / Red - 100 exp)
- Chef (Russell / Dargo - 100 exp)

- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Timothy, Kitty - 500 exp ea.)
- Chippo Champion bonus (Carter*2 - 100 exp ea.)

- Art Attack bonus (Timothy - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d’Arte bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)

- Bad Succ bonus (Andromeda, Red, Luna - 100 exp ea.)
- Amusing Death bonus (Luna - 500 exp)
- Death’s Witness bonus (All who saw Luna die - 100 exp ea.)

Death Toll:

- Luna, sucked dry by the Vampire called Fanx. Will rise again

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Andromedan Vampire: 55743 (Level up at 72000)
>>>Level Drained<<<

- Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 6 Warden Dwarf: 44417 (Level up at 70400)

- Ollie / Zulu Snakebite, Level 6 Barbarian: 39027 (Level up at 64000)

- Russell / Dargo, Level 5 Inheritor: 28509 (Level up at 36000)

- Tim / Red, Level 5 Duellist Fighter: 26043 (Level up at 32000)
>>>Level Drained<<<

- George / The New Moondin Lost Boys, Level 2 Extras: 2895 (Level up at 3000)

- Jonathon / Luna, Level 1 Vampire Thrall: 1843 (Level up at 2250)