Session 378 - Opinions on the Creation of a New God

Date: 2 July

Moon: Waning Crescent
Zenith: The Dead God

Events:

--- 19 Days Later

- It has been nearly three weeks in Sydney's increasingly busy extradimensional flat. Previously a simple place to crash for a number of PCs equal to level, it's now home to a bustling array of weird beings, hangers-on, and a techno-deity that is significantly older than life on Earth.

- During that time, a familiar face returns! It's Little Jack Tall on a flying visit after a long time in the far east! He pre-dates Mentor Multiclassing, so this Halfling Specialist is technically pure Specialist!

- Our heroes discuss their next steps. They're constructing a Seraphim shell into which they can place the aggregate mind of a new god. How much is enough? The Old Miner is the template for all current gods, and he contains the aggregate mind of a whole alien civilisation. The other gods contain copies of whole Dwarven arcologies. What's the minimum viable god?
- Just then they hear shouts of warning from the front door out to the real world! The Foundry is under attack!

--- Hellhounds

- Our heroes rush out of the front door into the Foundry. An emaciated Termaxian Priest manipulates levers at the control panel, printing out complicated Seraphim parts using the big cylindrical forge in the middle of the room.
- Bursting through the door - frankenstein parodies of dogs stitched from many bodies! Huge green-bellied flies swirl around their mouths!
- Sydney has a plan. Their spell, Escape Rope, will take you to where you entered the dungeon! They cast and... ZOOP! They're all... back in the Foundry exactly where they left the Safe Space. They did technically enter the dungeon from there.
- Luckily there are Dwarf-borg guards here to help! Combat is joined, the dogs breathe out metal-melting fly-breath, but between Sydney's incredibly powerful Magic Missiles,Aximander's incredible forge-lit use of a flaming sword, and Divinity's Sword of Ages, the dogs are summarily destroyed.

--- Jonathon Toast Welcomes All

- With the Escape Rope spell not operating as intended, Sydney tries plan B - the Mountaintop Gauntlet! He grabs Little Jack Tall and they both warp up to the peak of Dwimmermount. It's afternoon, but raining heavily.

- Holding hands, since unclenching the gauntlet warps Sydney back down, the two begin to descend in the general direction of the Red Doors - the entrance to Dwimmermount. There is evidence that Rudolphus was here fairly recently.
- Suddenly they are lit up by a searchlight! Somewhere in the rain a booming voice... it's Jonathon Toast!
- They follow the beam as it leads them down towards the flat ground in front of the entrance. Jonathon Toast floats above them, an obscene flesh-blimp. His floating bulk keeps off the rain... yet big warm drops are still falling wetly from his underside. Ew.

- The other change is that an ethnically diverse array of red shirt-wearing people are milling around, all connected by gossamer threads to the great sky whale above. They don't have much of a mind of their own. There are humans, red elves, green mutants from the dungeon, and even Brogi! Remember Brogi?

- They ask Jonathon Toast if he has any contact with the Wheatlands. Apparently he does! Connected by the long "guideline" threads, he's got a minion over there! The Wheatlands are luscious, but unfortunately the pawn at the other end is immediately killed when it emerges from the wheat and starts screaming.

- Jonathon offers Sydney the chance to be blessed, joining his burgeoning coterie of people. Sydney politely declines. They head towards the dungeon entrance.

--- Theology Ensues

- The entrance is barricaded, but Sydney and Little Jack Tall hear a voice and are beckoned forward. There is a green-skinned mutant man, wondering why the pair haven't been eaten by the horror above.
- They gain entrance upon showing that the backs of their necks do not have gossamer threads growing out of them. Sydney unclenches the gauntlet and pops back down, gathers the party, and Escape Ropes back up to the entrance. Easy!

- Theology ensues! Many ideas for what to put in the God-shell are thrown around. Perhaps they can put Jonathon Toast in there? He's basically an aggregate mind all on his own! Can he be trusted or at least influenced?

- Even more pressing - the first level of Dwimmermount is basically a friendly town these days. That means... carousing!

--- Realisation of the Sydnod

- While the others party, Sydney researches a new spell alone. Knock, that's a good one!
- Hagen is the life of the party in the town, using his alcohol-related Lorebond to induce a state of On the Lash!

- Everyone at the party swears blind they saw Sydney show up, even though they were definitely spending the week researching spells instead.

- Theories abound... was that Elf Sydney? Born from the moon when Sydney died that time? And hey, if that's the case, are there multiple Sydneys around? They could keep casting Lunar Womb and multiplying right?
- This theoretical Council of Sydneys is hereafter referred to as the Sydnod.

--- He is no Beast! He's a guy! In a can!

- Having spent many obols partying, the gang reconvene in the kitchen of the extradimensional flat.

- Sydney, the real Sydney with the slime familiar that hates him and the saggy skin, is baffled that they saw them at the pub. Sydney was researching spells the whole time, they swear!
- They were all told that the pieces of the God-Shell were being warped to level 4. From there they'd be taken to the elevator, transferred to the launch level, assembled, and fired up into space. That's all the Termaxian priest knew at least!

- So saying, the gang head to the elevator and descend to Level 4, known to some as the Halls of Lesser Secrets.
- They cautiously head down the wide corridor, and see a bunch of extremely buff anthropomorphic unicorn men. They wear purple bandages and are facing away, behind a barricade of upturned and very ancient tables, facing towards a similar barricade on the other side. They are armed with long sharp rods used as javelins.

- The purple-ragged unicorn men turn because they hear the party coming, largely because Sydney has animated a cart and it's singing terribly and loudly.

- Hagan strides forward - he's got a bone to pick with Vespusian. That purple-bandaged mummy motherfucker chatted shit about the Old Miner, and Hagan has new information! His Grudge-sense tells him exactly where Vespusian is hiding. In his room!
- Vespusian is shocked to see Hagan alive! They chat at length, and at last Vespusian apologises for calling the old Miner "a mere beast". Hagan reveals that the Old Miner is no beast, and is in fact an alien and impossibly ancient aggregate mind! It's also currently trapped in a can trapped in an imaginary flat in a room filled with water and also sea-goblins!

- Vespusian accepts all this and apologises. Hagan's Grudge is settled!

--- You motherfucker, it's a fetch quest??

- With the Grudge settled, it's time to chat. In Latin.

- Vespusian says that he's been helping out the Swolicorns because they've been trying to prevent the Frog Monsters from stealing all the god pieces. That's right, the horrible frog monsters are still around!
- He's got one piece in his treasure room, snagged by the Swolicorns during a previous battle, but the rest are out there somewhere.
- The big issue they have is that the teleport maze keeps warping people around. The wide corridors end at tall cylindrical rooms which warp you to any other. This makes it very difficult to get the God pieces to any one place, for both sides. Luckily the local Ratman population is staying out of it.

- They talk some more about the situation - there is a frog queen somewhere and hopefully killing her will stop the frogs. Also -

- Just then, Sydney yells "Ave Vespusian!" to pause the teleport maze and leaps into the cylindrical room! It is very brave! There is a croaking sound from nearby and a tongue SCHLOPS onto Sydney!
- We end on a cliffhanger, Sydney being pulled through the air by a long sticky hand-tipped tongue! What happens next?!

Total: 8000 exp

Enemies defeated:

- Several frankensteined hellhounds (300 exp)

Total: 300 exp

Downtime:

- Sydney learnt the Knock spell!
- Divinity spent 2400 obols! (2400 exp)

- Aximander spent 1800 obols! (1800 exp)
- Little Jack Tall spent 1000 obols! (1000 exp)
- Hagan spent 2000 obols while On the Lash! (4000 exp)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 8 Magic-User: 200242 (Level up at 288000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 7 Languid Wastrel: 114618 (Level up at 144000)

- George / Hagen the Heretic, Level 7 Dwarf: 92490 (Level up at 128000)

- Ollie / Divinity, Level 6 Battle-Cleric (Fighter 3/ Cleric 3): 61348 (Level up at 72000)

- Henry / Little Jack Tall, Level 4 Halfling: 14462 (Level up at 16000)

Session 348 - The Return of Little Jack Tall!

Date: 4 July, 22 p.p.

Moon: NEW MOON

Zenith: The Lady

New Backstory:
- Phillipides Goath willingly broke his bandit oaths to become a noble Paladin! Sacrifice a weapon to auto-hit.

New Rumours:
- "Everyone city in the Drudge Wastes is possessed by the Idea of Thorns, except this town! That's why I never leave!" - "The city of Grendel is deep in the Wastes, connected to its satellite towns by enormous bridges which are like towns of their own! Apparently they have a source of unlimited energy there, and the pub scene is amaaazing." - "Follow the pylons heading for hundreds of miles straight north from Grasp and you'll reach the town of Leylong, where the energies of the pylons merge and twist through warring wizard towers." - "Red Elves are easy to kill - they're cowardly foreign wizards so you just have to get up close." - "The Golems who live in the Pyramid near Splug were created by an evil wizard by combining a Dwarf with an Elf, which is why they're unstoppable!" - "The Gads up in the mountains are warring over the Marlingspike. If you want to get involved, head to the Marlingspike and tell the Red Elves you're there to help wipe out the rebels."

Events:

--- New Moon, Old Friends

- It's the New Moon and Aximander is ascendent! Charged by the dark eye of the New Moon, his Elven powers have waxed to their fullest extent. He looks like the Devil himself, forked tail swishing behind his digitigrade legs.
- He also discovers that his abilities allow him to hear his name wherever it's whispered anywhere in the world... and so realises that Gifflewim's been fucking with the party this whole time! The coins didn't do anything - it was all him!

- Also here, after real life years away, is Little Jack Tall! A "Normal-ling" who calls humans Doublings.

- All together, the party decides that it's time to raid the Golem's Pyramid.
- Lulu is trying to use Gunther - Aximander's winged piglet - to predict the outcome of this endeavour. Outlook... good?

--- Hollow Pyramid
- They walk through the goblin shanty-town of Splug and to the stepped pyramid that it's built against, heading into the pyramid proper.
- It's a cavernous space inside, the pyramid is a shell. In the centre is the somewhat smaller pyramid that our heroes previously had a bad time entering, being easily repelled by the golem guards.
- Instead the party decides to explore the shell a bit. There is a large console of some sort in the corner of the hollow pyramid, and another in the centre of the south wall. They go to investigate, while Tyler Loveheart scurries off to climb the smaller pyramid.
- Tyler finds a crystal lens set into the top of the smaller pyramid, pointing up at the roof. He can't find a button to turn it on. From up there he hears squeaking and cheering from somewhere to the north, and strange lights.
- Down at the corner console the others find an orb set into the stone object. When touched it shows a view from the miles-wide mud-choked riverbed that was once the Deeprush. Pressing the button above it shows the viewpoint rising, and below clean water is bubbling up!
- They rush outside to see if this is actually happening... and it is! Clean water is slowly filling up the Deeprush once again!

--- Everyday Heresy

- They head north and come to an old shrine - it's a God Projector! They've seen these before! It's inactive, but with a bit of elbow grease Little Jack Tall reconnects the wiring and plugs stuff back in.
- The projector activates! It's the Lady! She seems to recognise Little Jack Tall, but everyone else is a new character so has no idea who they are. Jack is the only person in the group who consents to kneeling before the God, and so she refuses to talk to the others.
- Nevertheless, Little Jack conveys various questions from the group to the proud goddess. She tells him that the pyramids were designed to pump poison deep underground to kill the beast in the core of the earth. The Dwarves broke the pyramids thousands of years ago, well before the apocalypse, and the Drudge Wastes have been here ever since.

- Before she goes, miffed at the party's lack of respect, she does mention that the Marlingspikes are used by the Red Elves to mine multiversal energy and magic. There's a War in Heaven raging between the Red Elves and the Gods, you see. Hence why she's a bit distracted.
- Tyler skids down the inner pyramid and prostrates himself before the Lady, earning a boon from her before Little Jack Tall unceremoniously pulls the plug and she winks out.

--- Off to the Races

- A big clay face peers around the northern corner of the inner pyramid, and grunts out something in the Dwarven tongue of Ur-Darghab. When the party yell out something in English, he swaps to a grunting version of the same! He's wondering what the party are doing wandering around in here.
- He offers to let them bet on some ferret races, and the party readily accepts! On the way, Phillipides notices some goblins skulking about against the north wall, but doesn't bring it up.
- They watch the ferret races! These are huge ferrets, several metres long, and they run through a tubular race track. 
- After a round of bet-placing, they're off! The ferrets whizz around the tubes in a time trial... and the ferret called Rachel Runebender is the winner! Sydney and Jojo collect their winnings.
- The golem collects the ferrets, pays out the bets, and crosses a ferret pen into a back door to the inner pyramid. Easier than going in via that front portcullis for sure!

--- Horseradish the Speaker
- Before considering a bit of the ol' dungeoneering B&E, they go see these goblins that Phil spotted.
- They find a bunch of lean-tos set up against the inner wall of the hollow pyramid, full of bud-goblins! A wizened old looking goblin with wrinkly skin covered with potato eyes greets them while the others cower from the interlopers.
- He introduces himself as Horseradish the Speaker and explains that the bud-goblins here escaped from Splug, where they were under the boot of Hobgoblins and regularly purged at the first sign of disagreement.
- Nearby is another console with an orb, showing another view out on the vast red-mud riverbed. As the view rotates it shows the distant sight of water pouring out over the riverbed! Looks like that button-press earlier is still going!
- Horseradish lends the party his bravest warriors - Lettuce, Pickles, and Sassafrass.

--- Pushing Buttons
- They also view another mysterious object, within the bounds of the racing tube. It's a table with a little pyramid surrounded by glowing rods.
- After a bit of mapwork, they realise that it represents the local area! The pyramid connects to six rods, three of which are in the river and three of which are on land!
- They split up to push all the buttons at once, during which time Jojo sends Pickles the Goblin off the wrong way and gets him eaten by ravenous ferrets. Alas.
- The upshot is that the river pillars activate no problem, but the land pillars will need some extra work. They won't activate, only show a bird's eye view of wherever they are.

- Giants come out to investigate all the button pressing, so the various button-pressing crews leg it!

--- Sneaky Sneaky Now

- Henry the Ferret Master is also alerted, and comes out of his door. He is met by Horseradish, who bravely distracts the giant golem. It seems they know each other quite well, and he puts up with the goblins as long as they don't bother his ferrets. That said, he also doesn't stop the ferrets if they go hunting for goblinflesh.
- Aximander summons an illusory version of the party and sends them running past as a distraction! Henry chases after the illusions, and the party quickly sneak into the inner pyramid while his back is turned!
- Inside it's a ferret play area and training zone. The ferrets are alarmed and angry until Philipides chucks some food in their food bowl. To the stairs!

--- Attempted Rescue

- The stairs are shallow and winding. At the bottom a breeze brings the scent of food and earth, and the sound of indistinct laughter.
- They investigate a couple of directions. Laughing golems down one way are avoided, but a dusty corridor seems like a good bet. They go through into a large room with tapestries of the giants' victories extorting food and ale from the Splug townsfolk.
- Jojo hears the sound of sobbing from behind a door and opens it to find bedrooms and imperfect Dwarves shackled to the wall. Their pale brown skin is blotched, like clay left out to dry.
- Moved to pity, she unchains them... and they attack! Their clay bodies morph attack mode, forming big lumpen fists!
- "Have you just been waiting here for someone to come in? That doesn't make any sense!" Jojo yells as she Magic Missile Punches one in the face, exposing a gem in its throat as its face reforms. She glares at Philipides, who didn't believe the rumour that these are part Elf part Dwarf - that gem must be an elf gem of some kind!
- It strikes back twice, but she casts Hone on her greataxe and slices its head right off, hitting it on the backswing to splash against a chest at the back of the room.
- Philipides fends off the other, taking a couple of big swings from their big fists, before Jojo smashes her axe flat-first onto the creature and splats it flat on the ground.
- The party gathers a bunch of gems from the throats of the clay dwarves, while Jojo heads to the chest and looks inside. It's a partial dungeon map, and a suspiciously fine looking ration.

- We finish in a bedroom for now! What else lurks in the pyramid???

Total: 9000 exp

Treasure:

- Gemstones from inside a Dwarf (800 exp)

- A partial dungeon map
Total: 800 exp

Foes:

- 2 imperfect clay Dwarves, smooshed. (200 exp)

Total: 200 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Remembrancer (100 exp)
- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp)
- Henry the Cartographer (100 exp)
- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 6 Magic-User: 70686 (Level up at 72000)

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 47902 (Level up at 72000)

- James G / Tyler Lockheart, Level 6 Specialist: 36768 (Level up at 48000)

- George / Phillipides Goath, Level 6 Fighter: 33902 (Level up at 64000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 5 Languid Wastrel: 26371 (Level up at 36000)

- Henry / Little Jack Tall, Level 4 Halfling Specialist: 11802 (Level up at 16000)

Session 237 - DJ's Burning Hot Crabs

Ah, the joys of an open world. One minute you're raring to go fight some angels, the next minute your mate's knocking on a crab's shell and drawing you into a combat you never wanted because they wanted to meet a new friend. Ah well, at least you're there now! And Grumpy got to the Saviourbone Miners before evening so they don't try to shoot "THE SHOVELMAN" again! See end of this recap for the tall tales I forgot to include last time.

Excitingly I've been forced to make up some Transporter's Guild prices since Barrett is back and desires a fortified "landship". Prospective tiers of vehicle are Steed, Wagon and Mobile Fortress of which the following vehicle will be the latter!

Also behold Ollie's rendition of Kitty's inner monologue when Carter had the temerity to move Andromeda before she'd decided what to do.

Finally, Timothy graces us with another article from Red's travels abroad...

Atmospheric Production In The Hinterlands

A Review Of “Hideous Gibberings: An Immersive Theatrical Experience"

Sebastian St.Claire, Theatre Critic

When one takes to the provinces one expects a dearth of culture as a matter of course. However, a poorly funded museum, shabby art gallery or two, at the very least some terrible community theatre should be par for the course. Well, word tot he wise my friends, the stretch of benighted ground between New Moondin and Moondin proper is as much as cultural wasteland as a literal one.

Hence, it was to my great surprise and relief that our group were entertained one evening by a rather intriguing art piece. Now I know that "intruiging" has become a byword for terrible in this industry, but I know of no better expression for the truly boundry pushing performance.

Set amidst what is being called the "Haunted Swamp", a vast area of boggy marshland which stretches for mile upon mile of fetid pools of brackish water, dense infectious mangrove, and mires of sulfurus mud. A note to future patrons: suede shoes are definitely not advised. In a rare show of environmental awareness, this region still sports living trees, and is populated by a number of birds and beasts, all of which were used to great effect.

The lighting provided was magnificently ominous, with the yellowing sun only half showing through the ever-present mists which seem to move and writhe with a life of its own. This alone made it obvious why this piece was site specific, rather than transplanting itself to more well know galleries and performance spaces. Even at high noon the light was not above a dull glimmer and the production itself began as the westering sun settled upon the horizon casting long ominous shadows from the gnarled unnatural trees.

The sound design for the piece is brilliant, starting with a wonderful effect of hollow cackling laughter seeming to come from all around our party. The sound, by some cunning means, seems to emanate from the very trees and crude rock formations that poke up through the uncertain ground. The sound seems to be a mixture of beast-like screeching and howling and the mad cackle of broken humanity. Indeed, it intermingled with the cries emminating from the flocks of black birds that suddenly seemed to swarm overhead.

The entrance of the performers to the stage was presaged by a tide of beasts of the area, not the misshapen monstrosities of the beast lands, their deformity seemed to come from withing, in an internal savageness indicating some fell spirit that dwells in each of them. The old admonition not to work with children or animals should have been heeded in this case however, as their addition added little to the performance save for an impromptu session of freestyle butchering by our own Editrix.

The company, made up of the local Akephaloi (who lack heads, and have instead their cruel features spread across their trunks), then burst forth with great alarum and making it clear that the audience inhabited the performance space. The performances, whilst they lack much of the sophistication that we in New Moondin have come to expect, were nonetheless powerful and heartfelt. Indeed there was a passion and rawness that is often missing from out more polished pieces. The use of space and movement was inspired and frenetic, and I do believe that some of the cast have a real future, and the sight of a fellow traveller being consumed alive by the haping maw of the Akephaloi is as horrific as it is thought provoking. Special mention must go to principle lead Vomits-Blood-At-Strangers, who I believe must be retiring from this run due to being bisected by a sword mid choreography.

However, technical proficiency is naught without artistic vision, and I do not believe the director (Howls-At-Midnight if I understand the programme correctly, who also appeared in the chorus of the third act) has a solid message that he wants to convey, Certainly it is entertaining and terrifying in equal measure, but what is the take away message? Are we to fear the primordial dark and the unknowable dangers it holds, or the more cloying but pervasive terror of the banality of modern life, or that primal cruelty that dwells in the heart of all? The piece never settles on a specific message or theme, and seems uncertain what it is trying to say.

Perhaps with time this young company will find more focus with their artistic endeavors, and I recommend catching them on tour if and when they move on from site-specific pieces to more conventional fare. This production was a rare treat for the provinces, but not a show worth travelling for.

Session 237 - DJ's Burning Hot Crabs

Date:
15 years after the End.

May

New Characters:
- Beepbox Strawberry Stars de Moor, a Cleric of the Cult of the New Eden whose parents named him after the strange beeping angel in the back paddock. A Healer by trade, his powers are allegedly psychic rather than divine.

New Backstory:
- Dargo saw bread drop from a beggar’s hand and ate it… along with the beggar. Heal the maximum amount when you eat to heal.

- Luna’s grandmother was a creepy old lady who lived in a creepy old house, all the kids were scared of her. All except Luna, who saw her regularly. +1 to actions that you are advised against.

- Little Jack Tall fell from a regular sized chair and hurt himself really badly one time. Half damage from falls.

Character List:

Murders:
- 12 Stoneshell Crabs (600 exp)
Total: 600 exp

Salvage:
- Luna brewed 3 potions:
-- #250 - Potion of Somersaults

-- #154 - Potion of Heroism
-- #179 - Potion of Plant Control
- 50 rations of stoneshell crab meat (50 exp)
- 5 crab-flavoured Last Breaths (250 exp)
Total: 300 exp

Events:

--- Red Returns!
- Standing amongst a pile of looted survival gear in the middle of a road several miles outside of the Storm Shell, Grumpy and the rest of the party from last session wonder how they’re going to get all this stuff home. Also they’re covered in blood.
- Dargo, by contrast, seems remarkably clean and full-bellied. Mysterious. He has some remarkably accurate information on who these guys were - opportunistic explorers from New Moondin who thought they’d be able to loot some easy marks. How wrong they were!
- There is a faint sound of marching feet from the south. The party set to work trying to make the slaughter look like an accident… and then Red crests the rise and comes into view! She’s returned, and in her hand is a katana that writhes with greasy energies!
- She runs towards the party, proudly showing off her new sword, completely unperturbed by the scene she’s stumbled onto. The rest of her media entourage follow on, many with thousand-yard stares and trembling hands. There are less now than there were when they set out a few months ago.
- Red enthusiastically gets the entourage to help carry all the loot and such back to New Moondin. She has so much to tell! Her sword speaks too in everyone’s favourite vocal register - the voice of teen spider RJ aka Lonely Blade...!

--- April Admin: Carousing Gone Mad!
- Back in town the loot is liquidated and we check in on various investments. Snels’ slice of investment in his definitely-not-fascist Denialist Brotherhood goes well despite an initial dip in value, supplemented with his personal wealth. Grumpy’s holdings fare well. DJ’s mining business is down, but his chicken shop is going great!
- Dargo heads off into the town on his own, schlorping into the shape of the man he consumed earlier. He finds his mask’s house and goes inside, finding that they were a Healer! He’s got a place to live now, plus a bunch of stuff like a First Aid Kit and sundry herbs.
- Others prepare to carouse the rest of the month away, making sure they don’t carouse at the same time as Zulu whose Barbarian drinking style tends to suck everyone into her orbit!
- At the end of the carousing session everyone is fine… save for Damnation Snels who deeply offended Red when they were out drinking one night. The full might of New Moondin’s only media outlet declares Snels an enemy…
- Dustin Johnson sits out the carousing, instead badgering Luna the Necromancer to make some random potions for him with the new potion-crafting rules. Each takes a week, and by the end of the month they’ve got potions of Heroism, Plant Control, and Somersaults. Neat!
- Red takes her possessed sword to the spider temple to see if the stories about Sir Robyn’s return are true. Terrifyingly it seems they are! A parallel Sir Robyn has possessed the head Spider-Priest. He offers to assist Red with her projects but she’s scared shitless of her dad and leaves, shaking.
- Plans to return to the crashed Seraphim and clear it out are made. It’s a quick walk along a known road and, dragons notwithstanding, it’s fairly safe. The party is kitted out with heavy survival gear after the post-ambush windfall last month, so while they’ll be slow they’ll also be well protected!

--- May Expedition Day 1: Burning Hot Crabs
- As the party leaves town, loaded down with survival gear and freshly purchased Long Potato, they walk past military drills and other worrying displays of public peacekeeping. Snels avoids eye contact with Grumpy. It’s the Haze, a light acidic mist creeping over the land. Fair travelling weather!
- It’s slow going with heavy gear and only a single porter - Andromeda’s skeletal loader-butler - to help carry the load. After a few hours they’ve passed the bend in the river and walked up the switchback to the main road to the Saviourbone Mine.

- Walking along the cairn-marked path they pass through a wide area with large white stones dotted around the place. They’ve seen these before - the shells of Stoneshell Crabs!
- They stop and look around while Grumpy idly mentions how delicious crab meat was last time they had it. The team discuss whether they can be bothered cracking crustaceans, when suddenly there is a knocking sound and a “Hello-ARGH!”
- They look round to see Red with her leg caught in the bone-crushing pincer of a crab! She’d knocked on its shell to see if it was friendly and it was most assuredly not!

- Beepbox the new Cleric jogs over to another and calls on his Styxian miracle - Universal Translator! His face approximates a crab and he chats to it until the crab decides he’s too creepy and attacks him too. They’re pretty crabby!
- The other crabs stir from beneath their stone shells and scuttle in to defend their friends! Combat is joined!
- Red smashes the crabs surrounding her together and Beepbox flees from her crab on the other side of the road. It’s extremely hard to hit the crabs under their stone shells, and neither Luna’s whip nor Andromeda’s electro-hammer seem to do any damage!

- Luckily DJ is there to sort this whole thing out. He breathes out a big cloud of vapour, chilling out everyone in the zone. The crabs relax, and DJ gets to work massaging them with flammable friendship oil. How lovely.
- Meanwhile, on the other side of road, Grumpy finds himself grappled and pinched by crabs! He struggles to use his glaive at close range and takes a few good nips to the shin. Little Jack Tall and Luna assist, and when Grumpy manages to kick a crab off Beepbox cores it with his beam rifle.
- The chill zone finally wears off and DJ sets off the obvious trick by flicking a cigarette onto the “friendship oil” that’s been trailed over the ground. The crabs are on fire! The angry crabs surround him and he realises his mistake - now they’re on fire and they’re on HIM! He’s hurt by their pincers and their flames! His survival gear nearly burns off as the burning crabs drop dead around him.

- The crabs go crazy on Red. They’re not on fire, but they’re angry! They manage to pin her between them, stunning her and cracking her armour! Snels doesn’t fare much better, knocked to his knees by a scuttling crab.
- Andromeda heals him with a Sacrifice blast, frying the crab in between them. She discovers to her dismay that her Void Pet now has a fear of fire! It doesn’t want to let her get hurt again!
- The tide turns. Crabs begin to break off and flee into the haze, dismayed by the deaths of their brethren. A delicious smell wafts through the air… the smell of cooked crab.

- They collect the crab meat and Luna reveals that she managed to catch five whole Last Breaths from these crabs! They probably smell weird, but they’re good enough! Beepbox grabs the exoskeleton of a butchered crab to use as a shield

--- The Saviourbone Mine
- The party continue on, but the slow exhaustion of the acidic Haze takes its toll. The team are slow now and need to rest before they continue on. Grumpy decides to go ahead alone, lest the team show up at night and get shot at by jumpy miners again.
- He arrives in fairly good time. An Arnold Nonimus with a “grandad bod” hails him and briefly accuses him of looking like the nefarious Shovelman, but another Nonimus tells him it’s just Grumpy.
- After some banter and mockery, Grumpy learns that the password to approach the mine at night is a very offensive anti-Grumpy code phrase. Nevertheless the party can now approach in the evening. Hurrah!

- He notices that the miners all seem to having pendants with a chunk of glowing rock pulsing in them. That’s new. He asks about it and they tell him they traded an Elf for them in exchange for half of one of the POWERDRAGON’s wings! Grumpy is aghast!
- By the early evening the rest of the party has arrived, studiously avoiding following crab tracks they see on the way. They set up camp at a convenient nearby camping area and Grumpy decides to cook for everyone - including the miners!

- His dish, which he calls Stone Stew, is very fortifying! Crab meat, long potato, onion and bread on the side. Delicious! It boosts overnight healing rates which is helpful for those in the party who got pinched by the crabs. Tomorrow they will assault the Crashed Seraphim!

Total: 1650 exp

Team Bonus:
- Classic Charles bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Doolittle bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Holy bonus
- I Eventually Regret This Decision bonus
- Kill It With Fire bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- PETA bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus
- Split the Party bonus
- Why Did You Touch That bonus
Total: 700 exp

Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (George / Snels - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / DJ - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Beepbox - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Triage (Timothy / Red - 100 exp)
- Chef (Johnathon / Luna - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty, Henry, Charles, Timothy - 500 exp ea.)
- Chippo Champion bonus (Ollie*3 - 100 exp ea.)
- Kernel Colonel bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Carter, Tom, Ollie - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
--- Carousing!
- Little Jack Tall gains 2500 exp
- Andromeda gains 3000 exp
- Zulu gains 3389 exp
- Damnation Snels gains 676 exp, lost almost everything he owned, and earned the disfavour of the Press.

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric: 46870 (Level up at 56000)

- George / Praise-God-For-He-Gave-His-Only-Son-So-That-We-Might-Be-Saved-From-Damnation Snels, Level 6 Snelsman Cleric: 34892 (Level up at 56000)

- Charles / Dustin Johnson, Level 6 Intergalacticist Cleric: 31772 (Level up at 56000)

- Tim / Red, Level 5 Fighter: 31213 (Level up at 32000)

- Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 5 Warden Dwarf: 27727 (Level up at 35200)

- Henry / Little Jack Tall, Level 4 Halfling: 10135 (Level up at 16000)
Level Up: +1d6 HP! +1 to Domination! +Save Improvement! +Backstory!

- Johnathon / Luna, Level 2 Necromancer: 2835 (Level up at 4500)

- Russell / Dargo, Level 2 Inheritor: 2635 (Level up at 4500)

- Ollie / Beepbox Strawberry Stars de Moor, Level 1 Cleric of the New Eden: 862 (Level up at 1750)



--------------

Bonus Content Carter sent this a few weeks ago but I forgot to include it in the recap! Shovel A group of miners yawned around the campfire, struggling to stay awake through their watch. Young people all, they had been pressed into their duties by the older miners who valued their sleep. ‘I heard the only reason there’s a watch is that the Shovelman is about’ one whispered to his companions. Every miner was Arnold Nonynus to outsiders but when they were alone this one was called Jeb. ‘Eh, the Shovelman is just a story Arnold came up with. Wants to big himself up ‘innit.’ As the latest rumour to hit the mines came up everyone started to sit up. ‘I heard the Shovelman can extinguish all torches with a wave of his staff.’ ‘Staff? I thought it was a halberd’ ‘If he’s carrying stuff like that why are we calling him the Shovelman?’ asked the Angela Nonynus on guard duty. A pretty young thing she was a devout Laddite and all the boys enjoyed the sight of her devotions during a storm. ‘Because,’ Jeb answered, dropping his voice into a stage whisper, ‘after he puts out the lights, he picks up your shovel and beats you to death with it. If you try to flee he’ll fling it and take out your legs.’ ‘But don’t worry,’ the Arnold called Hammer guffawed. ‘I’ll protect you.’ Hammer drew the ire of every young man there as he casually draped one arm over the Angela’s shoulder, and the laughter of everyone when she elbowed him in the face and he toppled back off the lump of rock they were using as a bench. When he surged back to his feet everyone stood up. ‘Walk it off Arnold,’ everyone chanted together. Flipping them off the embarassed Hammer stomped off into the dark. The others settled back at the campfire as the cruch of his footsteps faded away. ‘Who else has a Shovelman story,’ Angela invited and the boys set to weaving elaborate stories. The first ones were shaky as they started inventing and weaving their tales but as the night bore on each tale became an elaborate sketch of darkness and horror. - An hour later, an Arnold commented ‘Where has Hammer got to?’ Everyone had been having a good time laughing at Jeb who had flubbed the delivery of his story so badly it had become a comedy. As Arnold asked everyone felt an unseasonable chill and started looking out into the darkness, night-blind from the fire. ‘Arnold,’ Angela boomed in a voice so loud the others covered their ears, ‘Get your ass back here!’ No sound returned, not even annoyed grunts from the miners’ cabins to keep it down. They had moved to the further away second firepit to escape the foul smell of something that had burned at dinner. As the seconds ticked by and no sound was forthcoming, Angela started drawing in breath for another shout when something came flying out of the darkness at her head. One of the Arnold’s smacked it off course and it slammed into the gravel by the fire. A shovel. ‘Oh real funny Hammer,’ Angela called out, quieter and her voice less certain. ‘I’m not sure it was a joke,’ Jeb interrupted pointing at a red smear over the edge of the shovel’s blade. Worse when he picked up the hammer to look at it closer, a lump of matted hair slid off the edge and splat loudly against the ground. ‘Fuck! Hammer, call out here!’ Arnold screamed into the darkness. Standing on the edge of the circle of light it seemed to be getting darker around him. Glancing at his feet the circle of firelight was retreating. Scrambling backwards he stared at the fire. The flames were slowly shrinking and leading from the darkness to the fire was a line of frost. Everyone felt the chill of night around them but also the uncomfortable cold of glyph magic. After some shimmying an Arnold jumped onto the line, protecting the fire and freezing himself. After a few moments the beam of frost abated and the Arnold started to warm again but the fire was low and the circle of light had shrunk. ‘Stand and fight coward’ someone shouted into the darkness and soon everyone was shouting. After a minute with nothing happening they fell silent and fear clawed at their hearts. Someone started to speak but fell silent as they all heard the scarpe of something metal being drawn through the gravel. Slowly, out of the darkness between them and the cabins, something was approaching.