Session 254 - A New God Rises, Flowers Falls

Session 254 - A New God Rises, Flowers Falls

Date:

January. 15 years after the End.

Character List:

- Andromeda, Digital Supply Chain Manager / Kitty

- DJ, Intergalacticist Cleric / Charles
- Flowers Penurious, Fighter / George
- Ratman, Ratman / Izzy
- Nobody, Barbarian / George

New Characters:
- Nobody, a Barbarian who fears shadow dinosaurs and cannot speak English yet.

Loot:

- An alarmingly large amount of Mod-Con loot, claimed via founding a town around the stash rather than taking the stash to a town! (80 000 exp)
- A submachine gun
Total: 80 000 exp

Foes:

- A lot of little stupid Styx-Slimes (60 exp)
- Four massive angry Styx-Slimes (400 exp)
- Galaxy Achillobator (1000 exp)
Total: 1460 exp

Events:

--- Brave New Town: Neo Spacedin!
- After the orgy everyone is in the spaceship getting showers in the non-gendered shower rooms and eating pizza from the food replicators. DJ and Alice are cool now, and she’s becomes the new leader of these indome space cadets after the mysterious disappearance of their dinosaur-riding previous command.
- The ship is working, but generally fucked and unable to fly. Considering it’s populated and has food supplies and all the rest, the party decide to found the place as a proper town!
- Neo Spacedin! It is to be a tent city surrounding the high-tech hub of the crashed UFO, a place where Mod-Cons and humans can live in harmony!

--- Slime Diversion
- A warning about a stegosaurus outside leads to DJ meeting a slimy mucousy creature with the shape of Styx’s face poking out of it. It’s extremely dumb. After much pointless questioning, Flowers Penurious grabs it and there is a sudden bellow of anger from the ridge above!
- It’s more slimes. Lots more slimes. Slow beige slimes and big red fiery angry slimes. The party decide to fight in order to establish Neo Spacedin’s sovereignty! DJ, by contrast, is completely unimpressed by what is clearly going to be a big distraction that eats up a chunk of the session.
- Spoilers; he was right.
- Combat Highlights -
- The red slimes are tough and set you on fire on hit! Andromeda is lit ablaze in the opening skirmish.
- Flowers Penurious shoves a grenade into a slime and chucks it at a big red slime to contain the explosion.
- His next attempt to do the same thing fumbles dramatically, and he dives on the grenade. Attempts to save Flowers’ life take up much of the combat, since he keeps getting lit on fire.
- Pepper Handsome is killed by a slime, leaving Mydog Smith as the last surviving minion.
- Ratman sends his rats to harry the slimes, dealing a lot of consistent long-term damage, then gets to work blasting the slimes with a laser gun.
- DJ abducts one of the red slimes, but he’s out of luck for the other. Starting a combat before people have had a chance to rest went poorly!
- Finally the space marines from inside the UFO pile out of the ship and the ship’s vulcan cannons open fire, laying down support as the party retreats.

--- The Death of Flowers
- With stumps for hands and second-degree burns all over his body, not to mention all the grenade shrapnel, Flowers Penurious is in a bad way. He contemplates suicide, but it’s a sin.

- Mydog Smith persuades Andromeda to drain Flowers’ life and put him out of his misery. She does so with sadness and regret, and Flowers Penurious dies a peaceful death. RIP.

--- Galaxy Dino

- The next day, feeling refreshed and restored, the party prepares to set off back to their camp site and the vast amounts of food-loot stored there. A quick trip there and back. Simple!
- At the camp, bodies are rotting in the moist jungle air. It begins to rain, very atmospheric. There is a noise from the canopy, and brachiating down to the ground comes a wild man! He cannot seem to speak, but seems friendly enough. Welcome, Nobody the Barbarian.

--- Galaxy Dino
- Andromeda spots a red glow moving amongst the trees. The party head right for it through the thick jungle! Andromeda’s various visual modes pick out the dinosaur as they approach, and it suddenly disappears!
- DJ spots a shadowy smoke emerging in the dense foliage nearby and tries to Abduct it. A beam of light shines down, pulling a long dinosaur claw from the writhing shadows… a long claw holding a gun!!
- It resists the Abduction though, and the shadows explode into a cloying unnatural smokescreen. There is a menacing “chk-chk” and a loud “BRAAAP” as the dinosaur opens fire! Nobody gets instantly taken to 0 HP and flies into a rage.
- DJ lets out a chillwave to calm him down before he hurts someone, but Nobody runs from the field to get away! The dinosaur gives chase, hunting him down through the trees!
- Andromeda gives chase via her void pet’s void-warping abilities while the others pursue via more conventional methods. She sees Nobody in trouble and warps in towards the dinosaur, seizing the red gem from its chest!
- Nobody swiftly climbs out of reach of the now ordinary achillobator, which stands there confused. Nobody shoots the gun out of its hand with his musket from his perch, and the dinosaur runs off into the jungle! Nobody’s last look at it is the menacing red gleam in its eyes...

--- The Assumption of Dustin Johnson

- Andromeda has the red gem compressed inside her void pet, which seems increasingly scared about whatever it contains. She reaches inside and touches the gem and a voice echoes inside her mind! It’s Galaxy Johnson! The real Galaxy Johnson! In the crystal flesh!
- He wants a body to inhabit. He basically possessed the first thing that came across him after landing here, and he needs a body to get anything done. 

- There is a noise behind her. Dustin Johnson stumbles out of the underbrush.
- He falls to his knees in supplication and Galaxy Johnson, the God of the Smonk, Memes and Fried Chicken, enters his body. He is filled with the power of Galaxy Johnson and a pale smoky light engulfs him, raising him into the sky at 10’ per round forever!
-Those below stare in wonder as Man and God combine into a creature greater than them both, ascending always into heaven!
- Last booming words echo down from on high...

- “First person to lick it and say no take-backsies gets the chicken shop!!!”

Total: 6000 exp

Team Bonus:

- AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa bonus
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Better Part of Valour bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Classic Charles bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Chase bonus
- Dramatic Escape bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Fame bonus
- High as Fuck bonus
- Holy bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus
- SpoOoOoky bonus
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus
- Why Did You Eat That bonus

Total: 1200 exp

Individual Bonus:

- Chronicler (Charles / Charles’ Next Character - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (George / Nobody - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Izzy / Ratman - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / Charles’ Next Character - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / Digital Supply Chain Manager - 100 exp)

- Vanguard (George / Nobody - 100 exp)
- Triage (Kitty / Digital Supply Chain Manager - 100 exp)
- Chef (Izzy / Ratman - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Izzy, Charles - 500 exp ea.)
- Prosecco Princess bonus (Digital Supply Chain Manager - 1000 exp)
- An Hero bonus (Flowers Penurious - 200 exp)
- Tragic Death bonus (Flowers Penurious - 500 exp)
- Good End bonus (Dustin Johnson - 500 exp)
- Famous Last Words bonus (Dustin Johnson - 200 exp)
- Death’s Witness bonus (Everyone else - 100 exp ea.)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 7 Digital Supply Chain Manager: 124562 (Level up at 144000)

- Izzy / Ratman, Level 7 Ratman: 55638 (Level up at 96000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! Max Rats = 49! +Backstory! 

- Charles / Dustin Johnson, Level 8 Intergalacticist Cleric
*ASCENSION TO GODHOOD*

- George / Nobody, Level 5 Barbarian: 20900 (Level up at 32000)
Level Up! +1d8 HP! +2 Barbarian Rolls! +Backstory!

Level Up! +1d8 HP! +2 Barbarian Rolls! +Backstory!

Level Up! +1d8 HP! +2 Barbarian Rolls! +Backstory!

Level Up! +1d8 HP! +2 Barbarian Rolls! +Backstory!
- Charles / Charles’ Next Character: +21400 exp

Session 252 - Rage Against the Flying of the Lights

A session of pure, glorious combat against powerful foes in sci-fi power armour!

They were defeated and the Mod Cons were saved... at the cost of Andromeda's broken ribs and the disbanding of the New Moondin Lost Boys. A pyrrhic victory!

Session 252 - Rage Against the Flying of the Lights

Date:

December. 15 years after the End.

Character List:

- Andromeda, Andromedan Vampire / Kitty

- DJ, Intergalacticist Cleric / Charles

- Red, Duellist Fighter / Timothy
- Zulu Snakebite, Barbarian / Ollie
- Dargo, Inheritor / Russell
- The New Moondin Lost Boys, Extras / George
- Margaret and the Thatchers, Extras / Hagar
- The Coopers, Extras / Nadav

New Characters:
- Margaret and the Thatchers, a group of Extras led by a pun. Big fans of giant hairbrushes.
- The Coopers, another group of Extras who briefly wield incredibly dangerous crowbars.

New Backstory:

- Mydog Smith of the New Moondin Lost Boys was generous during the long savage period of the Poisoned Years, and was instrumental in handing around the flesh of the deceased POWERLAD cult who kept the town fed in those early years. When eating to heal, can grant your healing to someone else instead.

- Beepbox’s defining moment remains the time he accidentally broke his father’s precious Beepbox, the still-working corpse of an angel. He says his dad died of a broken heart. Whenever your weapon or armour breaks, you get a free Action.

Loot:

- 6 Power Suits (3000 exp)
- 4 Foam Guns (400 exp)
- 4 Deployable Forcefields (400 exp)
- 2 Ray Guns (200 exp)
- 2 Radiation Cannons (200 exp)
- 2 crates of Heated Bidet Toilet Seats (5000 exp)
- 1 crate of Microwaves (2500 exp)
- 1 crate of Floating Lightbulbs (2500 exp)
- 20 obols (20 exp)
- 16 dinosaur rations (16 exp)
- Vial of Ultra-Rare Spices adds +5 to one Cooking roll
- 2 staffs and a spear
Total: 14236 exp

Foes:

- Barbara the Barbarian (500 exp)
- 14 “Space Marine” Indomes (700 exp)
Total: 1200 exp

Events:

- Our view pans down from above towards a frenzied battle scene. Inside the impact scar left by a crashed space ship, lasers criss-cross the battlefield. The combatants duck and weave behind storey-tall cubes of stained metal while others blast around on jump-packs built into their futuristic metal suits. “Mod Cons” - sentient modern conveniences like microwaves and bidets - cower in their broken-open shipping containers. An unarmoured woman riding a dinosaur charges into combat, spear held high.
- But rather than zooming down towards the brutal combat, our view is drawn down and to the left, towards a scene much more personal…

--- DJ Disappoints
- Further along the impact scar, behind a ridge, Dustin “DJ” Johnson is persuading an amorous half-naked lady to let him wear her power suit while they get down and dirty. He swears it’ll be hot.
- Alas, he betrays her immediately. The armour closes over him and he immediately jumps away, snatching her foam gun for good measure! She shakes her fist at him as he zooms away, he didn’t even leave her his number!

--- Back to the Battle!
- DJ flies over to the main battle, seeing some space marines behind a low forcefield taking beam rifle fire from Zulu who is trapped in foam. The Lost Boys fire up at a couple of robed wizards on the ridge above. Elsewhere, Dargo manifests an enormous poisonous tendril and snatches the enemy Barbarian from her dinosaur’s back!
- Andromeda and her Void Pet have achieved synchronicity. It feels her thoughts and bends space to warp her across the battlefield… right behind one of the enemy wizards! Blood appropriately rains down around him, side effect of his chaotic spontaneous spellcasting.

- DJ himself is shocked when the bidets mistake him for a foe and squirt him with anti-aircraft water. His attempts to trick the baddies into coming with him but they’re a little busy right now!

- Dargo’s wrestle with the Barbarian goes well up until he starts to run low on Meat Points. She kicks off him and her pachycephalosaurus charges in to help her! Raked with beam-fire from the more distant Zulu and Lost Boys, nevertheless it charges in with a terrifying ram attack! He hardens his flesh with crocodile skin but it’s not enough… until a random guy comes diving out of nowhere to save him! Big Smiles of the Lost Boys is thrown off-screen by the impact, but he helped Dargo survive!

- There is a distant whistle and Zulu’s antelope charges in to help. It dives under the belly of the dinosaur and rears its head, skewering the dinosaur’s underbelly and throwing it down the slope! The Barbarian flies into a rage at the sight, screaming obscenities!

--- Reinforcements!
- Siân the Necromancer arrives on an intelligent razor scooter she found somewhere! She flip-kicks off a container and lands right next to the Lost Boys! Just in time to be blasted by a radiation cannon. She dives behind a container before she can eat another blast, stones from her sling pinging off the marine’s armour.
- Andromeda is thrown down the slope by a wizard, but swiftly warps back up to him with her Void Pet powers! She’s in for a cruel shock when the wizard’s last act is to explode in a cloud of Magic Missiles, but she’s fine! The other wizard looks at her in fear as she turns to look at him, blood trickling from her fangs.

- Battlecries erupt and a small army of Extras charges into battle! One group is led by Margaret of the Thatchers, the other is made up of Coopers led by ---!
- In an auspicious start, the Coopers charge into combat to assist the beleaguered Dargo and… their weapons shatter! Shards of crowbar scythe out across the combat, hurting Dargo, the Barbarian, and themselves!
- Margaret and the Thatchers charge a shipping crate, scramble up the side with the climbing skill honed through years of climbing roofs, and attack the marine standing atop it!
- DJ tries to persuade some marines that he’s their friend, and they tell him to get out while he still can! He foams them up instead, showing his allegiance.

--- Red Arrives!
- The Barbarian charges towards Dargo, but Red is there! She leaps at the Barbarian and tackles her down the slope into the impact scar, giving Dargo time to… collapse into ooze over the dinosaur and begin to digest it. Yum.

- Andromeda advances towards the last wizard and he tries to ward her off with another blast of magic… but the spell goes awry! He’s lifted into the air, screaming, as his limbs separate from his body and his torso is consumed from within as if a great mouth is devouring him from the inside out! Gore rains down on Andromeda, who tries to catch some in her open mouth.
- Down in the impact scar, Red faces down the charging Barbarian, confidently standing in her favoured duelling pose. Alas, she eats spear! As she recovers, a passing marine sprays foam in her direction, slowing her!
- Across the battlefield, Zulu has called her blood-drenched antelope to her and charges the group of marines that DJ just foamed up. Margaret and the Thatchers turn their leggets into a long hairbrush-pole and flail at one of the marines, while the Coopers try to catch another in a barrel.
- Elsewhere, the Lost Boys take a hit too far from a Radiation Cannon. The rest of the Extras are dead… it’s just the Named Characters left. They look up to see another Radiation Cannon aiming in their direction. Big Smiles, still hurt from saving Dargo from the charging dinosaur, keels over dead in the wave of cancerous energy. The Extras are Extras no more… now they’re just a bunch of loyal chumps under the command of Flowers Penurious.

--- Barbarian Rage!
- Andromeda looks across the battlefield from her vantage on the ridge and sees that Red has been foamed up! She warps across with her Void Pet’s space-compression powers and… eats an elbow to the jaw! The Barbarian was pulling her arm back for a thrust at just the wrong time!
- The Barbarian turns to Andromeda, frothing from the mouth, while Red taunts impotently from the sidelines. In her rage the Barbarian chucks her spear at Andromeda’s head, but she moves aside with vampiric speed and the spear skewers the nearby marine in the skull!
- Andromeda staggers back and Red can only watch in horror as the Barbarian’s followup blow crunches straight through Andromeda’s sternum, cracking through ribs and out of her back!  The Barbarian pulls her fist free and kicks Andromeda backwards like a rag doll. The blow would kill any living being, but Andromeda spasms weakly, coughing up blood.

- There is another warcry, the Coopers charge down the slope and pile onto the Barbarian in a mass of bodies! DJ jumps behind Red and grabs her under the armpits and boosts her towards the scrum, letting her fall rapier-first onto the Barbarian! Red gets her in the hip, blood spraying from the wound.
- Red takes the dagger from her belt and stabs again and again while the Coopers hold her down, finally driving the blade into the roof of the Barbarian’s mouth. With the last of her strength she bites down hard on the dagger, shattering it with a last hateful cronch as she dies. Red rips out her spine in vengeance.

--- Close-Fought Victory
- Andromeda, lying in the dirt, see DJ descend from above. He lands next to her and gently lifts her up. Cleric healing won’t work on her Undead form, so he medevacs her over to the blood rain that still falls where the wizard died.
- Drinking down the blood-rain, her superficial wounds begin to close. DJ offers her his blood and she gratefully slurps it down. Her fractured ribs will take time to heal, or possibly lots of blood. Who knows?
- The remaining space marines fall back and jump back towards the crashed spaceship. One of them picks up DJ’s abandoned almost-lover on the way, and distant obscenities can be heard as she’s carried off.
- DJ discovers that there’s a downside to this cool power armour - radiation damage. He feels short of breath, and when he takes off the armour his skin is covered in a flaky red rash. Nasty stuff.
- While everyone catches their breath and starts looting the corpses, a horrible monster arises from the dirt… Dargo! Reforming back into his hulking, scaly, squid-faced form he now sports a crown of horns. Truly a terrifying demon king!

Total: 6000 exp

Team Bonus:

- AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa bonus
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Coitus boners
- Classic Charles bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Fame bonus
- Freudian bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Monster Infighting bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- Pitched Battle bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus
- Schindler’s bonus
- Tentacle Molestation bonus
- WWE bonus

Total: 1050 exp

Individual Bonus:

- Chronicler (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (George / Lost Boys - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (George / Lost Boys - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / DJ - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Zulu - 100 exp)

- Vanguard (Russell / Dargo - 100 exp)
- Chef (Ollie / Zulu - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty, Charles - 500 exp ea.)

- Near Death Experience bonus (Andromeda, Lost Boys - 100 exp ea.)

Injuries:
- The Lost Boys are no more, now merely a gang of 0-level mooks who follow Flowers Penurious.
- Andromeda’s ribs are fractured after an insanely powerful punch from an enraged Barbarian.

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 7 Andromedan Vampire: 101369 (Level up at 144000)

- Charles / Dustin Johnson, Level 7 Intergalacticist Cleric: 100972 (Level up at 112000)

- Tim / Red, Level 7 Duellist Fighter: 70469 (Level up at 128000)

- Ollie / Zulu Snakebite, Level 7 Barbarian: 68118 (Level up at 128000)

- Russell / Dargo, Level 6 Inheritor: 64423 (Level up at 72000)

- George / Flowers Penurious, Level 5 Fighter: 27111 (Level up at 32000)
Extras Disbanded!

- Hagar / Margaret and the Thatchers, Level 2 Extras: 2811 (Level up at 3000)
Level Up: +1d12 HP! +Named Character! +Backstory!

- Nadav / Coopers, Level 2 Extras: 2811 (Level up at 3000)

Level Up: +1d12 HP! +Named Character! +Backstory!