Session 347 - Love in Splug

Date: 4 July, 22 p.p.

Moon: Waning Gibbous

Zenith: The Dead God

New Backstory:
- Odo Grumblebelch had expected her stature as a tribal leader to gain her a position of prestige as an overseer in the Grumblebelch mines, but was instead betrayed by the social order and pigeonholed into the roles given to the rare Dwarf women. +1 Con score.

- Jojo Fullbeard wasn't sent to the past to save her father as she'd always maintained - instead she was banished into the past after kissing someone she shouldn't have. +1 HD of HP for the rest of the session if you romance someone.
- Julian's life was changed forever by a being from "down under" who set him on his career in painting, which eventually led to his possession by Aximander. +1 to Reaction Rolls with subterranean beings.

Events:

--- Desecration of the Tomb
- Jojo punches open the tomb of the Elf hero Archaeopteryx and grabs out the dusty bones within. Sydney chucks the bones into the time clock and rewinds it back... and back... and back... until a withered corpse reappears and he can eat the withered brain.
- With a little aperitif of Mindflayer Juice, Sydney devours the brain and gains a lot of hate, extremely outdated Elvish ideals, and some deeper insights into the Elven mind.

--- A Friendly Chat
- With all that suitably looted, the party decides to head off to the pub with their winnings to carouse and make merry!
- But first, they want to get eyes on this Marlingspike they've heard so much about.
- They climb up the mountain a ways, and spot some man-shaped shrubberies sunning themselves on rocks further down. It's Bracklings! Distantly, they see a little band of Halflings wandering the hills.
- Odo calls down to the Bracklings, and they look up! Wooden mask-faces look up and smile! Their limbs are woody and thorny, and their leader Gustav Peartree walks up to see the party and offers a prickly pear.
- He tells them that the Bracklings are here to help tear down civilisation and propogate the Idea of Th-
- The party COVER THEIR EARS
- Then Odo MURDERS GUSTAV IN ONE BLOW
- Then Sydney summons Cloudkill and a wave of horrible poison rolls down the slope, murdering the rest of the Bracklings.
- Then they burn the bodies and leave.

--- A Band of Dwarves
- On the way back to town, while passing by the spire that once had a winged boar, they come across a band of Dwarves. Odo runs forward to introduce herself, and finds that they know her by reputation! A natural-born female Dwarf, very rare you know.
- They hail from Ur-Kalladh, you can tell from the classic fantasy Dwarf aesthetic, and Sydney trades a cursed scythe for an axe wrapped in cloth.
- Snakes start dropping from Odo's pockets and she realises her snake egg is leaking! They hurriedly make their excuses and leave.

--- Return to Splug

- Soon they have arrived back at Splug. Their flesh airship is safely moored just outside town, and their don't seem to be any golem attacks presently occurring, so all good!
- Sydney sees a passing redshirt from the airship and asks how the capitalist revolution is going. The answer? Poorly. These collectivist townsfolk aren't interested in currency, or even barter!
- Odo spitefully murders the man. Some passing bud-goblins see this act of aggression against an innocent underling by their employer and start grabbing weapons!
- Hobgoblins see this and raise a hue and cry, quickly killing off the potential insurrection. They apologise to the party - they haven't had a bud-purge in a while so the minions are starting to get a bit uppity.

--- Party Time
- This might be a town with no need for private property or currency, but that doesn't mean they don't know how to party! It's carousing time!
- Odo realises she doesn't have much cash, so pawns off the snake egg to Julgoor's shop on the airship. Julgoor is surprised at this great deal!
- She returns to the pub to find festivities in full swing! There's a Halfling regaling the group, a shimmer in the air, and a bunch of hobgoblins dancing on the tables! She grabs a cup of fungal beer and does her best to catch up!

--- The Next Day

- Odo wakes up with an absolutely stinking headache, the sword Lothario complaining that she's looking terrible this morning.
- Sydney wakes up in bed with a pretty girl called Xarini. She's sleeping peacefully, makeup smudged.
- Julian wakes up alone, a mirror standing beside the bed, with confusing memories of Aximander's lips on his...
- Phillipides Goath's eyes shoot open. There's a small figure sitting on the side of the bed pulling on their clothes. He groans in confusion, blaming "Poison Phil" for this turn of events, as Three-Legs the Amorinator blows him a dismissive kiss and leaves the room.

--- Tying Up
- They rest up in town for a week or so, taking some time to see how their business investments are going.
- Sydney buys back the snake egg from Julgoor (he is happy to get rid of it - it keeps leaking snakes!) and starts a nice little startup in Splug, called Staff of Asclepius. It sells snakes.
- Sydney also coaxes the party into seeing what that totem pole with the moon emblem at the top does after the full moon. It recharges! They gain Intelligence at the cost of Wisdom.
- Aximander gets to work with his Reknit Essence spell to scramble various stats on the party members. With consent, naturally. He also takes the time to brew a Potion of Bounty from some mushrooms, and commissions a Mustang Glove that makes sparks when you click your fingers.
- During this process, the Pig Egg hatches! It's a little piglet with little itty bitty wings that allow it to hover for a few seconds at a time! He names it Gunter, and the first output of Sydney's new business is a snakeskin collar for the little guy.
- We are all set for a new adventure next week! And a surprise special guest...

Total: 8000 exp

Carousing:
- Sydney met a nice girl down the pub! (1600 exp)

- Odo Grumblebelch turned up late to the party! (400 exp)
- Jojo drank the good stuff and barely got a hangover! (1800 exp) 
- Julian and Aximander got home and experienced self-love! (3200 exp)

-  Phillipedes Goath knows what they say about Halflings with big feet! (2400 exp)

Murders:
- A grove of Bracklings (300 exp)
Total: 300 exp

OOC:

Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer, and Paymaster: 300 exp
Ollie the Expedition Leader: 100 exp
George the Quartermaster and Vanguard: 200 exp
Tom the Chef: 100 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 6 Magic-User: 69019 (Level up at 72000)

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 46235 (Level up at 72000)

- George / Phillipides Goath, Level 6 Fighter: 32235 (Level up at 64000)
Level Up! +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 5 Languid Wastrel: 24704 (Level up at 36000)

- Tom / Odo Grumblebelch, Level 4 Dwarven / Barbarian: 10167 (Level up at 16000)

Session 346 - Demon Blade Backstabs

Date: 27 June, 22 p.p.

Moon: Waxing Gibbous - Clean Face

Zenith: Vorn

New Backstory:

- Food was scarce in a famine-based LARP, and Julian was even-handed in sharing around what little they had. Everyone around you gets +1 HP when eating to heal.

Events:

--- Golem, Bronze

- We reconvene with the party in the Temple of Archaeopteryx, the Elven hero that once fatally took on an Apocalypse Dragon and had a clear love for putting souls into objects to turn them into magic items.
- They are in a room with curtains on each wall, both depicting a cool winged Flitting Gad taking on an army of electric ghosts and placing shackles upon a massive blue dragon.
- Phillipides Goath peeks behind one of the curtains and finds a secret room! A bag of gold is on the floor, and some acrid stench fills his nostrils.
- He lobs something at the bag and reveals that it's a trap - there are only a couple of coins in there and it's mostly filled with squirting acid. Ah.
- He retreats, which is fair enough honestly.
- Heading south, the party sees a statue standing ominously on a pedestal. It's a bronze man, looking more solid than metal lacework of last session's manikin statues, and a heat haze rises from its broad shoulders and big ominous brass sword. It turns, lifts its sword, and advances towards the light.
- A tremulous voice calls out for help from a room behind the golem, to the concern of all.
- Aximander emerges from Julian's body and binds the heat of two torches into a white-hot ball with his Elvish magic, then sends it at the metal man's chest! The chest collapses, molten brass pours from the wound, yet it keeps coming! Jojo avoids the worst of the damage from a strike of its massive sword.
- Sydney notices that it's avoiding damaging the curtains, and so Phillipides nicks the idea and cuts down one of them and throws it onto the metal man. It works! Faced with a choice between harming the curtains and harming the invaders, the brass robot shuts down.

--- Rebel Gad
- Investigating the voice, the party finds a Flitting Gad (being an Elf whose Heartspell is Feather-Fall) trapped behind metal bars, and scarred by the acid from a familiar trap. Sydney has his dancing time-rewinding clock with him, and offers healing and freedom to the Elf in exchange for information.
- It's a deal! She tells them what she knows about the Rebel Gads vs the Traitor Gads, to whit the Traitors are in league with the Red Elves from Mars and the Rebels are against them.
- She is freed, chucked into the clock, and rewound until she is healed. In thanks, she carves a symbol into Sydney's arm which will show them to be a a friend to the Rebels. Lovely! With that, she runs off because she doesn't want to push her luck.
- A quick survey of the route she left through reveals an exit, including a trapped door that shoots petrified centipedes. Duly noted.

--- Polarity
- They turn around and head deeper into the dungeon. It looks like the only way forward is via the hall with time-space anomalies that are, even now, pulling some poor Gad apart in slow motion. Sucks to be them.
- On the way, floating motes of light gather around the casters and grant them temporary mana! Jojo tries to Passwall through the floor, only to discover that it is not called Passfloor actually.
- Aximander, still controlling Julian's body, looks into the room at the end of the pull-apart gravity  corridor and finds a room where gravity is flipped! Fantastic!
- Looks like if you're not prepared for it, the gravity will invert every so often and drop you from ceiling to floor, this accomplished via a slowly spinning mask on one wall. Aximander is prepared though, and lands gracefully.
- He also grabs some coins from a burst acid-trapped bag, which was clearly just chucked in here willy nilly without the trappers knowing about the gravity effect.
- He jams something into the rotating wall-head to stop the gravity nonsense in the corridor, and hey presto! It's passable! Without these gravity whorls moving about you can just sort of walk around them.

--- Dithea
- Fiery motes gather around the party's weapons as they travel down the corridor, finally getting to the door that contains a tortured prisoner whose body is linked to the coins floating through the air elsewhere.
- Inside, they see said prisoner floating in the air. Her skin is a dull red. Three demon masks are arranged on a nearby wall, each of them with a hole for a gem to be placed on their foreheads. They have different personalities.

- After a bit of chat, it turns out that this red-skinned Elf was magically altered by her parents to make her closer to the "real" Elves - the Red Elves from Mars. She was herself the captain of the temple guards here, until she was caught nicking a sword that hates women and put in this torture chamber that punishes the greedy with the greed of others.
- She also tells them about the rest of the dungeon. Main temple is ahead, and they can always turn off to find a big egg full of snakes. Nobody is particularly excited about the egg.
- Tyler Lockheart turns up! Bursting through the door with his surfboard!
- They free Dithea and she walks off to escape this place... right into a gravity whorl. Mulligans are attempted and denied. Sydney tries ripping her out of the gravity whorl but rips off half her stomach and she dies inside the clock... which now has a taste for blood.

--- Sny Snid Snit Snave Sno Snee Sñakes 
- They move swiftly on, looking back apologetically to Sydney who is tearfully cleaning the blood out of the inside of the murder clock.
- There are battlecries and the ring of steel on steel ahead! They peek into the dungeon's largest room to see a winged woman in a circle of dead golems, slashing with a feather sword, reading death from a magical tome that destroys her foes.
- Everybody is smitten.
- Outside the room, down another corridor, there is a robot man with a couple of sick scythes who motions to Sydney after he sees their arm. Sydney goes to investigate and finds... the snake egg room! Snakes with corkscrew tails slither along the floor! Unfortunately, Sydney cannot speak Gad so can't talk to the metal man.
- Unperturbed, Sydney casts Speak With Animals snand snarts sneaking snin sñake snanguage.
- Sney sneak sñake snou sne snetal snan, snand snay snake snan snalliance!

- Back in the main hall, the cool winged woman has cut down all the other golems and entered... the treasure room!

--- Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal
- They bust in and find that the cool Elf lady is wearing some sort of invisible fabric over her nude body, wielding a sword that hates men, and wielding a bow with a sheep's head in the centre!
- Sydney unleashes their backstory - have someone make a romantic advance on you. The Elf lady is smitten and invites Sydney over to her side...
- Sydney stabs her in the back with an atrametal spear barely containing a black-fire fragment of a giant demon's soul! It's immediately fatal, and the Elf lady keels over with inky flames burning in her eyes.
- Just say no to boss battles I guess.
- In the room they find a ton of coinage with Archaeopteryx's face on it and many magic items. The cool Elf was wearing the Emperor's New Robes, holding the woman-hating blade Jackie the Ripper, and wielding the Bow of the Ram. All are duly looted.
- Also here - the Vaunted Prize which can be traded for anything, a filigreed glass jar containing Soul River Water which captures a soul on death (currently contains a confused old man's soul), and a Wing Suit which allows you to glide on real wings (currently a pigeon's). Sick stuff.
- The metal man with the scythes pokes his head around the door and realised that it's already over.

--- Sudden But Unexpected Betrayal
- They have a look around the main room, seeing that there's a fountain on one side and a cool furnace that blatantly attaches souls to items to make them magical. Much discussion is had about what soul they need to grab to make the ultimate magic item, counterposed by the argument that "we never go back to anywhere" so it's pointless to speculate.
- Aximander sits in the cool throne at the side of the room and... can fly! Holy shit! it will wear off in a bit but holy shit!
- They walk out with all the loot and... Sydney gets slashed with a scythe! It's the Robo Dude!
- Turns out he is here to stop people nicking shit, which on balance does make sense.
- Aximander can fucking fly though, and he zips back to bury his black-fire atrametal knife into the robot's back, pumping stored demon soul energy deep into its brassy body. The robot burns... but doesn't die immediately.
- Jojo leaps into the fray with a gambit, critting the robot as the robot crits her back, demolishing each other with a mighty Devastator! Only Jojo survives.
- At the last second Sydney whips the Soul River Jar onto the bot's forehead and captures its soul! A single brass coin spins in the clear water.
- Exhausted, the party stops to grab the robot man's cool scythes. They suck souls, apparently.
- Sydney casts their Safe Space spell and everyone piles into the door that they summoned, arriving in a pocket dimension consisting of a cramped London flat. For now, it's more than enough.

Total: 8000 exp

OOC:
- Chronicler and Treasurer: Carter
- Expedition Leader: George
- Vanguard: Ollie

Foes:

- A bronze golem (100 exp)
- A cool Elf (500 exp)
- A metal man (100 exp)
Total: 700 exp

Treasure:
- 460gp, 11000sp, 350cp (34035 exp)
- Bow of the Ram
- Emperor's New Cloak
- Wing Suit
- Soul River Jar
- Vaunted Prize
- Woman-Hating Sword
Total: 34035 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 6 Magic-User: 65759 (Level up at 72000)

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 42775 (Level up at 72000)
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +Free spell! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!

- James G / Tyler Lockheart, Level 6 Specialist: 35101 (Level up at 48000)

- George / Poison Phil, Level 5 Fighter: 28175 (Level up at 32000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 5 Languid Wastrel: 19844 (Level up at 36000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!

Session 345 - The Lion, the Sphinx, and the Gemstones.

Date: 13 June, 22 p.p.

Moon: Waxing Gibbous - Dragonface

Zenith: Oberon

New Backstory:

- Damnation Snels knew Philipides Goath's family well, and told him of old memories and fond exploits. Gain another generic Mentor ability from your parents. In this case: Sharp Eye - no random targets when shooting into melee.
- Odo Grumblebelch fell into a hole in the mines and couldn't escape until she was saved by her brother. Those near you get a reroll to prevent falling.

Events:

--- Sinful Statues

- We start where we left off, with the party skinning the body of a freshly killed winged boar inside the Temple of Archaeopteryx - a temple dedicated to an elvish Flitting Gad hero from the past who had a penchant for magic weaponry.
- There's a lot of meat on that boar! The party is very satisfied and continues to explore this dungeon.
- Inside a long thin room are three statues, placed far apart from each other in a line. They are statues of Gads worked in filigreed metal, and each has a gem inside the head - green, red and clear.
- The green gem flashes when they approach, and everyone except Sydney is hurt by their greed! It seems only the richest is spared chip damage.
- This sucks so they leave.

--- Golden Pain
- They come to a room containing floating gold coins! Sydney flicks a tooth he happened to have in his bag at one of them, and it plinks off. There is a distant "ow!" from a brass speaker-tube in the centre of the ceiling.
- The pervert sword Lothario explains that this is a torture device, and someone elsewhere in the dungeon has a chunk taken out of their flesh every time a coin is taken. Where? Uhhh probably down thaaat way.
- Julian yells through that they're here to save whoever it is at the other end, and the voice gives directions! Hurrah! She used to be the leader of the Gads guarding this temple, but was punished with this device and has been there for a thousand years.
- The party follow the directions down a sloping corridor... only to see that there's some sort of gravity distortion effect killing a Gad in slow motion partway along. Perhaps not that way.
- Jojo finds a hidden door while looking for a hidden panel to switch off the effect though!

--- Hidden Treasure

- Behind the door is a stairway upwards. There's a small armoury with bronze arms and armour in here, which is duly liberated. Also amongst the stuff is a jar of null-paint which makes skin you paint it on stop existing, a labelled invisibility potion, and a pair of intricate beads which will teleport you to the other one if you crush one.

--- Sinful Statues: Reborn
- The stairs go up further and open out into the statue room! Looks like the warp corridor crosses beneath here!
- This time the party chooses Fight! Various people attack various statues! The Red one hurts you if you don't attack, and the Clear one hurts the least fancily clothed person. This along with the Green that hurts the poorest.
- It's a battle of chip damage, the living statues attacking with lengthening arms and pulsing single points of damage out with every hit.
- Sydney manages to kill the Clear gem statue and grab the gem, and the others decide to retreat for now. Those little hits hurt! They also realise that these statues target based on sins - Red for Wrath, Diamond for Pride, Green for Greed.
- They munch down some rations in the armory, while Sydney goes back out (since he's rich) to attack the Green statue. It works! Green gem acquired!

- When everybody else has had a nice break, they all bumrush the red statue and destroy it! Red gem acquired!

--- The Injured Lion
- They leave the room and try another door - this one contains a big statue that looks like a bunch of smaller statues all smooshed together into a big mismatched stone horror! Maybe not, let's go the other way.

- Behind the next door is a short corridor ending with a curtain and containing an injured lion. It is licking its paw and feeling sorry for itself.
- Odo jumps at it and jams her automatic repair kit onto its paw! It is scared and confused and slashes at him!
- Philipides jumps at it, wrestles it, and casts Lay on Hands (recently learnt by multiclassing into Cleric) to heal it! The lion's paw is healed... but it's still scared and confused so bites Phil!
- Phil shoots it in the head.
- They slaughter the lion for meat.

--- ...And Scene!

- Jojo looks into the next room through the curtains, discovering that the curtains are decorated with the elf hero Archaeopteryx battling the blue-skinned goblin minions of an enormous blue dragon.
- There are sounds of voices from behind. Some Gads are here!
- Odo springs into action, putting the lion's bloody skin over herself and poking out from behind the curtain. She asks the Gads a riddle, an ersatz sphinx. It... works!
- The Gads decide to try another corridor, figuring that they can always come back to the riddling sphinx!

- Flush with lion meat, we end the session for the evening. What shenanigans!

Total: 7000 exp

Treasure:

- Boar meat
- Lion meat and assorted parts

- Sundry bronze weapons

- Invisibility Potion
- Vial of Null Paint
- Pair of Teleport Beads
- Three valuable gems (3000 exp)
Total: 3000 exp

Foes:

- Three sinful statues (150 exp)
- A badly hurt lion (50 exp)
- Some Gads, tricked (500 exp)

Total: 700 exp

OOC:
- Chronicler, Cartographer & Paymaster: Carter
- Expedition Leader: Kitty

- Quartermaster: Ollie
- Vanguard: Tom
- Chef: George

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 6 Magic-User: 56912 (Level up at 72000)

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 34128 (Level up at 36000)

- George / Poison Phil, Level 5 Fighter: 19528 (Level up at 32000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 4 Languid Wastrel: 11197 (Level up at 18000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! +Backstory!

- Tom / Odo Grumblebelch, Level 4 Dwarven Barbarian: 8107 (Level up at 16000)

Level Up! +1d10 HP! +1 to Saves! +Lorebong! +Backstory!

Session 344 - The Temple of Archaeopteryx

Date: 30 May, 22 p.p.

Moon: Full - Clean Face

Zenith: Eris

New Backstory:

- Odo Grumblebelch tried to lead his clan of Dwarves to safety, but they were cornered and slain by a rival clan. Odo was the only survivor. +1 to rolls when salvaging a situation that just went horribly wrong.

Events:

--- The Sword in the Orb
- The party of Odo, Jojo and Julian are somewhere in the Drudge Wastes. Low mountains loom over the polluted bog. The air crackles with static, wispy cirrus clouds are far overhead, and crawling insects are everywhere. Occasionally a bug will fizz into the air and get zapped with a crackling pop, murdered by the static.
- Odo feels the call of the mountain in his Dwarven bones, and so they set off in that direction! This "marlingspike" they're planning to investigate is in that vague direction after all.
- Crossing the foothills, they see an enormous glass orb on a hilltop! They investigate and discover it's hollow, with a smaller orb within that contains a gold sword!
- Jojo bypasses the puzzle with Passwall, headbutting straight through and letting Odo grab the sword-orb!
- The sword speaks loudly about how he's a disgusting hairy man. Odo interjects that he's a Dwarf, but then the sword perceives Jojo and gets all lecherous. You can free the sword by kissing the orb, you see.
- It turns out we've been misgendering Odo this whole time, she's a girl! She "kisses" the orb with her bum and the glass boils away, leaving the lecherous sword in her Dwarven hands. It's enchanted to kill men! Also a real sexist piece of work. The sword is possessed by the spirit of one Andrew Lothario, cursed into the sword by the Elf Hero Archaeopteryx, then sealed in the orb when he got too annoying. The Elf Hero's temple is nearby, and the sword knows the way!

--- Turn Around Demon
- They follow the sword's directions and head towards the temple but... suddenly they realise they've gone the completely wrong direction! How strange!
- They try again and... they're back at the orb! What's going on?
- Jojo casts Detect Magic and, wouldn't you know it, there's some magical trickery going on! Jojo also sees a floating figure, mirrored in the middle like a king on a playing card. Jojo tries attacking to no avail.
- The invisible figure introduces himself as Szimcath, and says he's escaped from the temple. He and Andrew Lothario know each other of old. The figure grants Jojo a playing card that will create a similar effect, and warns the party that the static in the air heralds a dangerous storm known as The Hive! It seems that even the weather was changed during Gifflewim's time under the influence of the Idea of Thorns...

--- Regular Mountain

- They hurry on in case the weather turns, finally going the right direction now that they've made friends with some sort of demon. They come to a mountain which is clearly unnatural, the shape too smooth and regular. There's a symbol above a set of three doors, which the sword informs everyone is the symbol of Archaeopteryx

- Leading towards the doors are thick wriggling entrails in a variety of lurid colours. Gross.
- Odo picks through some of them and finds a small silver key! Nice!

- They approach the temple and Odo chooses the leftmost door, kicking it and discovering that it's actually a curtain of entrails! Extra gross! The sword tells everyone to watch out for the petrified centipedes that fire out of the walls if you go in the wrong entrance. Hmm.
- The door opens to a short flight of stairs going downwards. At the bottom is the corpse of a Flitting Gad - the Featherfall Elf species. It's very dead, and its insides were liquefied. Julian takes his armour of gull wings, which is pretty rad.
- The centre door has frosted glass, and through it they can see a small army of Gads preparing for battle!
- The rightmost door is another entrail curtain, and the stairs lead down into a little corridor. Jojo suspects a trap, so crawls up above the door on the ceiling. Strong core muscles, you see. Odo pushes the door open ever so slightly... and oil pours down from above as a sparking device sprays her with sparks! She jumps back, only slightly singed, unlike pour Jojo above who gets oiled up entirely! The oil bursts alight, and she drops down covered in flames!
- Odo and Jojo manage to douse the flames, while outside Odo looks up to see winged figures speaking in fluted voices coming in to land...

--- Blood of Gads
- Luckily, it turns out that Odo speaks Gaddish! The Elves tell her that they are coming to the temple to scavenge some magic weaponry to fight enemy Gads who've allied with the Red Elves.
- Odo considers this... and attacks! Twice-Stolen Sword in one hand, Lothario Blade in the other, she... fumbles! Notching the magic weapon activates one of its powers, hitting all men in the area with a blast of man-hating energy!
- Jojo uses her new spell Polymorph Elf to transform one of the Elves into a giant african land snail! The other unfurls its beautiful wings and begins to captivate the party...
- Julian's wrestling the Gad, too close to be affected by the magic mesmerising wings. He grapples it, and it begs to be let go. Thinking quickly, Julian extracts a promise not to just turn back and attack the party, then lets the Elf fly off in a cloud of glitter.
- Jojo crushes the snail. Poor snail, or elf. Poor snelf.

--- Aximander Comes in Clutch
- They try the middle door again, and realise that the shapes they can see are repeating the same actions over and over. It's an illusion! They go through and find a slim corridor with floating glass bubbles, each containing some fire.
- Julian tries to touch one and... it explodes! The fire bursts out and Aximander bursts into Julian's body! He casts Pyrokinesis and immediately contains the explosion, pushing it out and up while the others make a hasty retreat!
- He brings the fire outside, and they use it to light a campfire. It's cooking time!

- Odo briefly goes hunting in the wastes and comes back with a Hollow Eel... basically a big lamprey that's hollow all the way through like a tube. He uses this, the dead snail's remains, and a trickle of milk from the demon goblet to cook "L'Eel du Snielle Milque". Despite the sound of this, it's tasty! Plus it gives everyone a bonus against poison!
- They spend the night in the flame trap antechamber, being very careful not to set it off...

--- Hedylidae, Boar Slayer

- In the morning they awake to the smell of petrichor, and soon the beat of heavy rain. Plants are visibly going more quickly, and it's great for Odo's beard and Jojo's burnt eyebrows!
- They head back into the dungeon. The fire orbs have returned, but they're small and nonthreatening for now, so the party travels through.
- They find urns haphazardly stacked and search them. Jojo finds some anaesthetized throwing bats wrapped in thin netting. Aximander finds a "Locket of Acrimony" which makes people dislike you intensely when you show them the picture in the locket. Odo finds an elaborate scalpel and instructions in an unknown language...
- They head in further and find another dead Gad, this one stabbed through the middle. Aximander takes the butterfly brooches from the body because they're dead cool.
- The sound of someone laughing and celebrating drifts down the corridor... and they go to investigate!
- In the middle of the room, in a bloodstained fountain, sitting on a dead winged boar, is a Gad! She's peeling feathers from the boar's wings and attaching them to her sword, which is made up of loads of feathers.
- She apparently knows the Lothario Blade, and turns down a swap for her feather sword - he's too annoying!
- She informs them that she's a Rebel Gad who's trying to fight back against the Red Elves who want to mine all the magic from the Earth with their marlingspike and break all bonds of felllowship.
- She used to guard the temple herself, but was kicked out when the Red Elves turned a load of Gads against their own kind. Now she's breaking back in the get the weapons she once protected!
- She points the party in the direction of the central chamber, but says she needs to sit tight for now and go around disarming traps. Fair!
- We end with the party sharpening their steely knives... lot of meat on that there boar...

Total: 7000 exp

Treasure:
- The Lothario Blade - When wielded by a woman: +3 to hit men, -1 to hit women, 1d6 blast damage to all men in 20' on max damage or notch.

- Set of three anaesthetised bats.
- Locket of Acrimony

- Mysterious Scalpel

Foes:

- A Flitting Gad, turned into a snail then devoured. (100 exp)
Total: 100 exp

OOC:
Chronicler: Kitty
Expedition Leader, Chef, and Paymaster: Tom
Quartermaster and Vanguard: Ollie

Exp Totals:

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 31888 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 3 Languid Wastrel: 8957 (Level up at 9000)

- Tom / Odo Grumblebelch, Level 3 Dwarven Barbarian: 5867 (Level up at 8000)

Level Up! +1d10 HP! +1 to Saves! +Lorebond! +Backstory

Session 343 - Loaded for Boar

Date: 23 May, 22 p.p.

Moon: Waxing Crescent - Clean Face

Zenith: Eris

New Characters:
- Shrub Junior, a Brackling related mysteriously to Shrub Nigeria on the moon. Their fruits are bananas, and they are shaped in a very odd pixelated manner related to their time in Fate's Matrix...

New Backstory:
- Aximander was gravely insulted and took the long circuitous Elvish route to get his revenge - a slow buildup of tiny slights and incredibly subtle social snubs that made his rival look both embarrassed and incredibly gauche. +1 Intelligence score.

Events:

--- Return to Splug

- On returning to the Goblin village of Splug after their failed attempt to get past the golems within the pyramid, the party discover that there is a great deal of controversy. Former guard captain Queezling insists that resisting the golems next time is a fool's errand since they can't rely on adventurers turning up next time, outspoken hobgoblin Horngus demands that the pyramid be covered off completely.
- Outside of town, near the moored flesh zeppelin Jonathon Toast, a lunar object crashes to the sludgey ground! Pulling itself from the impact site is... Shrub Jr! He immediately joins the party and is somehow trusted implicitly due to meme magic. He also gets some crab gear from the crab armorer.

--- Spike Time
- Given the lack of beef currently available to the party - a wizard, an elf, and a bananaman - they decide to check out the "marlingspike" they've been told about to the east. They go around the shiny metallic ferrofluid river and head in the direction of the spike. The terrain is oozy and gross, a sort of hardened muddy oobleck in which you start to sink if you stand still. Rock sticking out of the ooze is covered in colourful blooms of lichen, and a rainbow oilslick shimmer fills your footprints.
- Soon they see a bunch of people heading across their path from the north, white robes ooze-stained and white wiggly tails dangling from their sperm-shaped hats. It's some Zeanists! We thought they'd all died out years ago!
- Sydney steps forward as the face of the party, since Aximander is currently looking a bit too Elvish and Shrub Junior is well... Shrub Junior.
- It seems these Zeanists are fleeing their mushroom farm to the north after it was invaded by a winged boar! Shrub Junior latches onto this mushroom idea as a very swift resolution to his "go to earth, get high, leave" character goal. He suggests the Zeanists follow his tracks back west and seek refuge in Splug. Big pyramid, can't miss it!
- They thank the party and head off in that direction, the head priest saying that he'd be extremely grateful if someone can bring him a sack of the mycelium-rich substrate. The mushrooms are yours to do with as you please! Also watch out... Elves are abroad. Aximander pulls his hat down over his ears a little more.

--- Totemic
- They decide to check out this boar (and of course, the mushroom farm) and follow the Zeanists' directions. Low mountains loom to the north-east and they skirt the foothills heading for a mushroom forest.
- On the way, however, they find a mysterious totem pole carved with demon mask-faces. It leans from the wastes at an angle and gets taller and taller as they get closer. There is a shimmer of gold from the top.
- Aximander pokes the tower with his crab-spear and feels a jolt of energy go through him! He feels slightly less intelligent and slightly more wise. Curious.

- He's very curious about the shimmer at the top of the pole, so Sydney loans him his Cat Ring! Cat-Aximander ascends the pole as a rain begins to fall, and soon reaches the top with feline grace. There is a golden chalice up here, dripping the thinnest amount of milk into a bowl-shape cut into the top of the pole. He licks it. It's sweet!

- He bats it off the top and observes the bowl-shape it was in. There are phases of the moon drawn there with a demon's face where the full moon should be. Maybe they'll return then?

- Cat-Aximander drops from the top of the totem pole, lands neatly, and has his collar removed to turn him back into an Elf. Lovely!

--- Pig Egg
- They go into the mushroom forest, here mostly sprouting big portobello-style wide caps. Shrub Junior tries some, but they're both disgusting and inedible. Great.
- They follow the Zeanists' path around until they find the shattered tower they were told about. It is, indeed, a shattered tower, but it still stands! Big chunks of it have fallen away from the sides. There's no boar, but there are plenty of big white feathers in the mud. Arrayed around the tower is a fairly large campite, the tents ravaged.

- The party loots the camp, finding a book on Ur-Barakh, a vial of Bleed Poison, and a mushroom-based recipe for a Potion of Bounty.
- Inside the tower it's a mess - the boar has clearly scarfed up a load of mushrooms and left its feathers everywhere. Sydney grabs a sackful of feathers while Shrub Junior gathers a sack of the mycelium.
- Aximander finds a nest on the top floor of the tower and spots a pink and red-speckled egg in a nest of feathers! It's his now! Pig Egg acquired!

- From up here they can see an emaciated goat wandering around the camp. Another pet! Result! They run down and rope it before it can get away.

--- Hunting the Boar

- The trail the boar left is very obvious, seeing as it's leaving those white feathers everywhere. It goes into the mushroom forest and the party follow. Shrub Junior tries the mushrooms with taller caps and these are inedible too, but this time way too mushy.
- They hear squealing and crashing sounds, and carefully approach. It's the boar, charging at the mushrooms and smashing them up in a frenzy.
- Shrub Nigeria throws it a banana from his branches and the boar eyes it up. With a horrible tearing sound, a whole second jaw with a hawk beak snaps out of its pig mouth and grabs the banana!

- Shrub Nigeria coats another banana with Bleed poison, puts it in Sydney's alms bowl, and has Sydney's slime familiar carry it out. The hawk-jaw snaps out, devours the banana... and the boar starts spewing up blood!
- It dies in obvious agony.
- Sydney approaches and grabs the wings. They pull off horribly easily, leaving sweet-smelling wounds.
- A huge oink from overhead! Shrub Nigeria speaks pig, apparently, and knows that it's a mate-seeking call!
- They flee before the boar sees what happened to its partner, not to mention the egg!

---  Tyler's Orgiastic Return

- On their way back south, feeling pretty chuffed with their little adventure, and head back through some of the mushroom forest. There they come across a circle of standing stones. In the circle there are bowls with fresh hors d'oeurves and piles of soft bedding. Voices approach...
- Some goblins are walking in from the west, one in a pig mask and one in a bear mask. And with them... Tyler Lockheart! Where's he been? At the hairdresser, apparently.
- They mistake the party for orgy participants, to the visible confusion of at least Sydney. Can Goblins even have sex??
- In any case, they inform that they did indeed pass by a big spike on the way here and it was shimmering with rainbow hues.
- The party, uncomfortable, leave towards the spike. Tyler stays a while..

--- Sloth

- The mushroom forest gives way to foothills, then low mountains. It's fairly easy going after the sludgy wasteland.
- They crest a rise and look down into a shallow valley. At the bottom there's an enormous blue-masked demon covered in red vines!
- Julian cuts a vine and it spews black ichor... then starts writhing towards him! It's slow but steady, pulsing under the thorns.
- Sydney has a cunning plan - finally use Blight to kill all plants within a mile! She then realises that the goblin orgy will be affected from this distance... and Shrub Junior is also a plant. She has second thoughts about the plant nuke.
- She walks for about ten minutes to the south so that she's out of range of the orgy and Shrub Junior, then she'll cast it and kill all the vines!
- There she comes across a witch! The witch is cutting a pig's head, draws some dice from inside its skull, and invites Sydney to gamble with her...
- After losing some money to the witch, she gives some advice for free... the Blight spell will kill all the plants, but any that survive will hate Sydney for the rest of her days. Once again Sydney has second thoughts about the plant nuke.
- The witch also tells Sydney that the demon was stopped at great cost and bound with the red vines to stop it from destroying the world, so maybe don't free it?

- Aghast, Sydney returns to the demon with the witch in tow. Tyler immediately gambles sausages with her.
- New idea - drain the demon with their Atrametal weapons! Julian and Sydney drive their black blades into the demon's hide, evading strikes from the red vines as they do so!
- While the weapons charge, it's time to cook! They throw Ham, one of Shrub Junior's Bananas, old "Gambler's Sausage" from Tyler, Eye of Newt from the witch, and Mushroom into a pot and Sydney boils it up, creating a meal they call "Lucky Dip". It's... not bad!

- We end here since the pub is closing up. Next week... onwards to the spike?

Total: 8000 exp

Treasure:

- Mushroom-based instructions to brew Potion #290 - Potion of Bounty

- Book #117 - "Ur-Barakh, City by the Undersea" (100 exp)

- Bag of feathers
- Bag of drug mushroom mycelium
Total: 100 exp

Enemies Defeated:
- A half-dead winged boar (100 exp)
- A vine-covered demon, probably (1500 exp)

Total: 1600 exp

OOC:
- Chronicler - Carter

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 6 Magic-User: 54472 (Level up at 72000)

- James G / Tyler Lockheart, Level 6 Specialist: 26554 (Level up at 48000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 3 Languid Wastrel: 6490 (Level up at 9000)

- Charles / Shrub Junior, Level 1 Banana Brackling: 1695 (Level up at 2000)