Session 365 - Carouse Merrily Until You See Jonathon Toast

Date: 20 February

Moon: Waxing Gibbous

Zenith: The Allfather

New Character:

- Andreas (?), Divinity's pot plant that has somehow gained sentience as a Brackling, also survived the poison as a Punishment Glutton in New Moondin. Clash in backstory explained by unreliable narrator.

New Backstory:

- Divinity got in a fight with their potted plant, despite their friend trying to stop them. Once ever, an unidentified NPC here is your long-lost friend! Your choice if you've forgiven each other or not.

- Hagen, despite having been entored by Vampdromeda, is no true vampire. Instead he is a poorly built dwarven Stone Son! He was cast out because he does not have the right kind of blood. On death, summon That Which Should Not Be.

Events:

--- DM Doom
- The DM forgets his keys at work and has to cycle back to get them.

- My Bowels!

- Brogi is in pain. His bowels are extremely tight. This gut-based venereal disease an only be solved by grabbing some olive slime and bringing it to the chirurgeon.
- Ancient maps are revealed - Carter has an accurate map tracing the way from the elevator to the mountain's launch pad!
- They go up to level zero and discover the remnants of the angels. More importantly they see a load of weird plants. It's fine though, so they continue on.
- After several turns, a smell of olives! Could this be the olive slime?
- They open the door, see olive slime on floor, and oh no little spores. Brogi is playing his sphincter like a very small trumpet and good god do these mushroom men love the smell.
- Mushroom guys seem friendly yet attack - alas!
- Brogi gets mycelial tendrils all across his body but very specifically they do not penetrate him. It's not that kind of game.

- It transpires that killing mushroom men causes them to slowly respawn in the mycelium. Fine.
- During the combat, Aximander fireballs the fuck out of the mushroom men then takes a big glob of olive gunk and retreats.
- Brogi, set  alight by Aximander's pyroclastic attack, decides to run in and kill the last mushroom man. It works! Alas, his skin burns off.

--- Please Give Me Skin

- Olive slime in hand, the crew return to the safety of the first level. The chirurgeon says he can salve the butt stuff, but can't replace skin. Again, alas.
- Luckily Jonathon Toast (a normal guy) is here! He picks up Brogi in one massive hand and conveys him to the medical level. Brogi is to have his skin replaced. In the mean time, a plant occurs.

--- Return to the Lower Floor

- The goal remains the same - go deep, find a god, launch it into orbit.

- They take the recently cleared lift. Divinity, beset by a bit of fungal infection, smites it out of her system.
- They exit the lift onto the fourth floor, as low as they can go, and explore.
- Behind a door they find a room with four pillars - two white and two black. Messing with them they discover that they can make blinding white ambient light, pitch blackness, and a strobe. The next room, when lit properly, has a whole list of Roman Emperor names ending at Theodosius. Interesting? Perhaps.
- They all meet a trustworthy plant who collapses out of a terrarium. It's Divinity's pot  plant given shape and form and mind! Somehow! 

--- Dead Emperor

- They continue down the long corridor and try another door. Behind this is a purple-robed and purple-skinned man on an altar. Other rooms branch forth.
- The figure arises! He speaks Latin! Luckily at least two people were public schooled enough to know Latin, Hagan among them! Hagan speaks to him... and is told that his God the Old Miner is a BEAST who created the Dwarves! Hagan is pissed off and attacks!
- The purple man declares himself  to be Velusian and his visage is fearsome! Fearsome enough that several people flee the room! He than moves to strangulate those who remain!

- Worse, he summons zombie legionnaires! They stride out of a side room, hands reaching for necks!
- It transpires that Velusian is immune to mundane weapons, and battle is joined!

- Sydney blasts their Sudden Siege Engine spell down the line of zombie legionaries and kills almost all of them! Velusian attacks with vengeance in his eyes. Alas, Sydney cannot cast spells while being choked by a purple mummy.
- Combat continues. There is GOOD LOOT in the attached chamber, but it is also guarded by further bastards.
- We break for time. The pub is closing. Next time we shall discover whether anyone survives.

Total: 6000 exp

Murders:
- Mushroom Friends, slain (400 exp)

- Lots of zombies, kebabbed (200 exp)

Total: 600 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 7 Magic-User: 119791 (Level up at 144000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 6 Languid Wastrel: 58887 (Level up at 72000)

- George / Hagen the Heretic, Level 4 Dwarf: 14822 (Level up at 16000)

- Tom / Brogi Grumblebelch, Level 4 Dwarven Skald: 8235 (Level up at 16000)
Level Up! +1 Level in the class of your choice!

- Ollie / Divinity, Level 3 Battle-Cleric: 7635 (Level up at 9000)

Session 364 - This Badge Gives Me the Right to Loot

Date: 16 January

Moon: Waxing Crescent

Zenith: The Scorned

New Characters:
- Brogi, a Dwarven singer who sings beautifully but otherwise sounds like a skyrim NPC. Beardless, moustachio'd, and subtly influenced to leave Mt Grumblebelch by the Idea of Wheat.
- Divinity, a Battle Cleric from the Vatican on the hunt for the weird little guy who killed her aunt and uncle. She doesn't realise that the murderer was the recently retired Odo Grumblebelch.

New Backstory:

- Jojo's loyal retainer Barry died during the trip back from the Vatican. With his dying breaths he told Jojo a terrible truth - he is/was/will be her father! Shocked and rethinking her life, she retires to create a yoga studio in the Wheatlands. +1 Wis

Returning Characters:

- Hagan the Heretic, returning after being left behind in the Drudge Wastes. It took months for him to chase down Jonathon Toast.

Events:

--- Return to Dwimmermount

- The party collapse out of the milky portal from the Christmas Special and back into Dwimmermount - safe and sound albeit with a couple of new party members! Mysteriously, despite never having met anyone before, they are trusted implicitly.
- They continue on, their mission the same as before the magical trip to the Vatican - find the ninth god Eris who is buried deep within Dwimmermount, reactivate her, and send her up into orbit so she can complete the orbital defence network.
- Aximander smashes a window and seizes some bleeding mushrooms.

--- Brogi's Mad New Brooch

- New guy Brogi forges ahead. He sees a strange mural and briefly goes mad. He has to be held down until he snaps out of it.
- The others walk through the room shielding their eyes, and head through another door.
- Divinity invokes the Blessings of the Nine and gives everyone a little buff courtesy of The Scorned.
- Inside the room is a big well and a thin walkway around the side. There's a lever on the other side, and glooping from within the pit.
- Divinity uses her whip to pull the level, revealing a gold case! Brogi sneaks round, nearly falls in, and makes his way to the case. Within is a Star Trek style pin. It talks to him like a bad Alexa!
- Brogi comes back as quickly as possible, luckily he's quick enough to avoid the curling tendril of the black pudding that lives in the pit!

--- Big Treasure!

- The next room has bubbles containing a glowing gas. Brogi's brooch chimes and informs the bubbles not to attack an authorised bearer of a brooch. Brogi is free to continue!
- A locked door opens as he approaches, also verified by the brooch. Inside is mad treasure! He's the only one who can get in here! He loads up his handcart with delicious loot!
- He takes it all back out, and Aximander uses his trader-elf powers to inspect the loot. Good thing too, because some of the items are cursed! Selling, losing or otherwise divesting oneself of various items will cause you to halve your intelligence!

--- Buff Rats

- While this is all going on, some ratmen arrive! Their eyes widen at the loot and scurry over to get some!
- Sydney cloudkills one of them, and nearly kills his new low-level friends too! Divinity and Brogi flee the poison gas! The others butcher the last ratman.
- The casting was hurried and nearly went awry, Sydney is now surrounded by an aura of intense plant growth!

--- Go Speed Racer!

- Divinity is on Brogi's handcart. They burst through a door and run into a bunch of swole bipedal unicorn guys! The unicorn men are amazed at this treasure turning up, and ask them to "share".
- Brogi instead FLEES! There is an insane chase scene as Brogi manages to zoom off, zipping down corridors and getting thoroughly lost in what turns out to be a teleportation maze!
- They escape handily, but they're now lost in the dungeon...

--- Follow the Tracks

- The others, none the wiser, have gotten past the gas bubbles and are attempting to follow the tyre tracks left by Brogi. They swiftly surmise that there's a teleportation puzzle afoot.
- Nevertheless, with a bit of luck and a bit of Guiding Lights from Aximander, they meet back up!

- Divinity has already investigated - there's a familiar croaking sound as of frog monsters through a bulkhead door... but that will have to wait for next time!

Total: 7000 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- 2 ratmen and their rats (50 exp)

Treasures Acquired:

- Alexa badge.

- Gold laquered box for said badge (300 exp)

- 9000 obols in old roman coins (9000 exp)

- Amethyst (500 exp)
- Silver necklace (500 exp)
- Gem-inlaid iron ring with Terms Termax face (1500 exp)
- Statue of a female cleric (2000 exp)
Total: 13800 exp

Exp Totals: 

- Carter / Sydney, Level 7 Magic-User: 116626 (Level up at 144000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 6 Languid Wastrel: 55022 (Level up at 72000)

- George / Hagen the Heretic, Level 4 Dwarf: 10957 (Level up at 16000)

- Tom / Brogi Grumblebelch, Level 3 Dwarven Skald: 4270 (Level up at 8000)

Level Up! +1d10 HP! +Lorebond! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1d10 HP! +Lorebond! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Divinity, Level 2 Battle-Cleric: 4270 (Level up at 4500)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 Faith! +1d6 Healing Pool! +1 toSaves! +Backstory!