Fortress Deathfrost invaded once again... thankfully with much improved results! Turns out when a fortress isn't defended it's a much easier time.
Skeleton CCTV, old chessmaster necromancers, a clay man, and a long-frozen PC...
Looks like that TPK all those years ago was a TPK after all!
Session 248 - The True Power of the Bong-Peen
Looks like that TPK all those years ago was a TPK after all!
 |
| - Ollie draws Flowers Penurius |
Session 248 - The True Power of the Bong-Peen
Date:
15 years after the End.
Character List:
- Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric / Kitty
- DJ, Level 6 Intergalacticist Cleric / Charles
- Granite “Grumpy” Ironjaw, Level 6 Warden Dwarf / Carter - Zulu Snakebite, Level 6 Barbarian / Ollie - Red, Level 5 Duellist Fighter / Timothy
- Granite “Grumpy” Ironjaw, Level 6 Warden Dwarf / Carter - Zulu Snakebite, Level 6 Barbarian / Ollie - Red, Level 5 Duellist Fighter / Timothy
- Dargo, Level 5 Inheritor / Russell
- The New Moondin Lost Boys, Level 2 Extras / George
- The New Moondin Lost Boys, Level 2 Extras / George
New Backstory:
- Beepbox was thrashed by his father for taking apart his prized “beepbox” - an angel - and putting it back together again. Despite the thrashing it made him feel so good that he took it apart again the next night. +1 to repeating a successful action
Dungeon Exploration:
- First party in half a century to visit Fortress Death Frost (500 exp)
- 2 Alternate Entries found (200 exp)
- Explored 5 dungeon areas (100 exp)
Total: 800 exp
Dungeon Exploration:
- First party in half a century to visit Fortress Death Frost (500 exp)
- 2 Alternate Entries found (200 exp)
- Explored 5 dungeon areas (100 exp)
Total: 800 exp
Foes:
- A giant clay monster (1000 exp)
- Feral Luna (100 exp)
- DJ’s girlfriend (1000 exp)
Total: 2100 exp
- Feral Luna (100 exp)
- DJ’s girlfriend (1000 exp)
Total: 2100 exp
Events:
--- Planning for the Cold War
- In a cave on a cliff on the side of the mighty Mt Death Frost, the Vampire Queen Bertha strokes the neck of a graceful ibex. “What’s his name?” she asks, dreamily.
- Andromeda and Zulu Snakebite share a look. They’d never asked! “You may name him”, says Zulu, and Bertha solemnly gives it the name Powerbex.
- Bertha tells them that she’ll tell the other vampires that they’re friends, but can’t promise anything because the whole deal is that she doesn’t control them. She can’t assist against Styx openly, since he’s always got the nuclear option of turning on the sunlight.
- Flowers Penurius of the New Moondin Lost Boys speaks up with an idea to create a balance of power here - the Flower Styx had been experimenting with splitting the obol. Maybe if Bertha obtains an obol-splitting weapon it could cause a nuclear deterrence and alter the balance of power!
- In a cave on a cliff on the side of the mighty Mt Death Frost, the Vampire Queen Bertha strokes the neck of a graceful ibex. “What’s his name?” she asks, dreamily.
- Andromeda and Zulu Snakebite share a look. They’d never asked! “You may name him”, says Zulu, and Bertha solemnly gives it the name Powerbex.
- Bertha tells them that she’ll tell the other vampires that they’re friends, but can’t promise anything because the whole deal is that she doesn’t control them. She can’t assist against Styx openly, since he’s always got the nuclear option of turning on the sunlight.
- Flowers Penurius of the New Moondin Lost Boys speaks up with an idea to create a balance of power here - the Flower Styx had been experimenting with splitting the obol. Maybe if Bertha obtains an obol-splitting weapon it could cause a nuclear deterrence and alter the balance of power!
- They ask Bertha about a frozen Barbarian rumoured to be in the black fortress atop Mt Death Frost, and she says she’s seen in! There’s a big clay hand that guards the place, and she tells them about the different ways into the fortress. Chompy front entrance, question-based side entrance, direct cavern entry.
- DJ arrives from deeper into the cage, extremely anaemic and propped up by a couple of vampires. Apparently he’s been in the vampire orgy pits for some time, using his healing abilities to make himself into a blood keg. Yum! One of the vampires sticks around to meet DJ’s friends. Her name is Vladamita and seems very into DJ. The other, Stevo, makes himself scarce when DJ tries to rat him out for not doing the proper accent.
- The team leaves the caves and climb back up the cliffside by various means.
- DJ arrives from deeper into the cage, extremely anaemic and propped up by a couple of vampires. Apparently he’s been in the vampire orgy pits for some time, using his healing abilities to make himself into a blood keg. Yum! One of the vampires sticks around to meet DJ’s friends. Her name is Vladamita and seems very into DJ. The other, Stevo, makes himself scarce when DJ tries to rat him out for not doing the proper accent.
- The team leaves the caves and climb back up the cliffside by various means.
--- The Clifftop
- They meet back up with Grumpy at the top of the cliff, who’s busy trying to foist an umbrella onto Fanx. Considering DJ’s extreme lack of blood, they decide to rest up for an evening before heading into the fortress to find the frozen body of Lulu Spiderbite.
- Zulu hunts around for food, finding a few handfuls of edible moss. Bertha takes her leave, gratefully accepting Andromeda’s gift of the Saviourbone hammer. Vladamita dotes on DJ. Zulu cooks a Meat Melange Mezze Mystery with moss, boar meat, magic mushroom, and the mystery kebab meat. It’s… interesting.
--- Into the Fortress
- In the morning, Vladamita sups some of DJ’s blood from a bowl. He’s ok with this for some reason, but whatever. She offers to take them up a secret way into the fortress, but they decline and let her lead them round to the side door into the fortress.
- They come around to the main gates, long smashed open. Ruins of a siege tower litter the ground. Remains of tents and other signs of the long-abandoned camp still blow in the winds. It’s a short stroll round the fortress to the side door. A long path connects the side of the fortress to the creepy cabin some way distant.
- The black door in the side of the glistening black fortress yawns wide at their approach. Inside they are greeted by three skulls which ask three questions in turn. “Who is your master?”, “What will you sacrifice?” and “What is our goal?”.
- They answer each in turn, and one by one the skulls chant “Wrong! Wrong! WRONG!”. The doors slam closed and all present feel their souls torn as darkness descends. Several Extras fall, screaming as they evaporate into blackness, but the rest stay strong.
- That seems to be it though. The skulls are now quiescent. Vladamita gratefully accepts some of DJ’s blood in order to show the party the way to the right, into a room with a clear glass window and a table that is a model of southern Loegria.
- Andromeda listens at the door further into the fortress, noticing that there are old scraps of flesh stapled to it, and hears a voice say “ha, checkmate!”.
- DJ investigates the table and the window. It shows undead in Loegria, moving slightly as they do whatever they’re doing. The largest concentration of Dead is around where New Moondin should be, and further investigation shows that moving your finger around on the glass lets you see out of the eyes of whatever Dead is closest to that point.
- He looks around until he finds a view that isn’t buried or dark. A skeleton pushes something that might be a mill. White snow - or perhaps ash - falls, coating the ground. The skeleton’s view circles to show a huge bronze Seraphim standing over New Moondin.
- DJ relays all he’s seeing, and there is a brief argument between the Lost Boys and Grumpy over whose fault this is - Styx or a purported Virus-Snels. DJ checks around a bit more, and sees disjointed scenes which make him worry that something Very Bad is happening in New Moondin.
--- The Chess Players
- Andromeda opens the door deeper into the fortress, and the voices warn them against approaching in case they trigger the undead chess set they’ve got going. Andromeda tries to use her Voice of the Dead to quell the skeleton chess set, but alas they are bound to another. DJ sends out his signature chill boof from his bong-peen and quells them all before they can attack.
- The chess players explain they’ve been living here for ages and they’re mostly pretty comfy. They’re old Necromancers, and apparently only living Necromancers can do the proper Necromancer thing and control the Dead. They’ve not had any Last Breath for ages though, so these skeletons are perpetually set to “kill intruder” mode. They use them for playing chess, nudging them around from hammocks above with long poles.
- They seem harmless enough and even give directions to the ice block lady! Dargo gifts them some rations which they are very grateful for, giving him a bunch of useless Last Breath vials in exchange. One of them demonstrates that there’s a trapdoor out of here in the ceiling, and Red conveniently arrives! Result!
- Buoyed up by the knowledge that Red is here now and they’re much more likely to survive, the crew head off into the bowels of the fortress.
--- The Clay Hand
- The party heads out into the corridors, lanterns burning low. They reach an ominous chapel that causes the souls of many of the party to tremble. This is a bad place. Grumpy doesn’t care and checks the pews for books, finding a couple of interesting reads on Duvan’Ku and the Fated King!
- That seems to be it though. The skulls are now quiescent. Vladamita gratefully accepts some of DJ’s blood in order to show the party the way to the right, into a room with a clear glass window and a table that is a model of southern Loegria.
- Andromeda listens at the door further into the fortress, noticing that there are old scraps of flesh stapled to it, and hears a voice say “ha, checkmate!”.
- DJ investigates the table and the window. It shows undead in Loegria, moving slightly as they do whatever they’re doing. The largest concentration of Dead is around where New Moondin should be, and further investigation shows that moving your finger around on the glass lets you see out of the eyes of whatever Dead is closest to that point.
- He looks around until he finds a view that isn’t buried or dark. A skeleton pushes something that might be a mill. White snow - or perhaps ash - falls, coating the ground. The skeleton’s view circles to show a huge bronze Seraphim standing over New Moondin.
- DJ relays all he’s seeing, and there is a brief argument between the Lost Boys and Grumpy over whose fault this is - Styx or a purported Virus-Snels. DJ checks around a bit more, and sees disjointed scenes which make him worry that something Very Bad is happening in New Moondin.
--- The Chess Players
- Andromeda opens the door deeper into the fortress, and the voices warn them against approaching in case they trigger the undead chess set they’ve got going. Andromeda tries to use her Voice of the Dead to quell the skeleton chess set, but alas they are bound to another. DJ sends out his signature chill boof from his bong-peen and quells them all before they can attack.
- The chess players explain they’ve been living here for ages and they’re mostly pretty comfy. They’re old Necromancers, and apparently only living Necromancers can do the proper Necromancer thing and control the Dead. They’ve not had any Last Breath for ages though, so these skeletons are perpetually set to “kill intruder” mode. They use them for playing chess, nudging them around from hammocks above with long poles.
- They seem harmless enough and even give directions to the ice block lady! Dargo gifts them some rations which they are very grateful for, giving him a bunch of useless Last Breath vials in exchange. One of them demonstrates that there’s a trapdoor out of here in the ceiling, and Red conveniently arrives! Result!
- Buoyed up by the knowledge that Red is here now and they’re much more likely to survive, the crew head off into the bowels of the fortress.
--- The Clay Hand
- The party heads out into the corridors, lanterns burning low. They reach an ominous chapel that causes the souls of many of the party to tremble. This is a bad place. Grumpy doesn’t care and checks the pews for books, finding a couple of interesting reads on Duvan’Ku and the Fated King!
- The altar is cracked through by some unknown force. Beyond the altar is a room with a floor of rich red clay…
- The clay floor begins drawing up into a massive clay hand and the party springs into action! Grumpy activates his burning glaive and drags it along the floor, baking the clay! Andromeda summons a god-hammer into her hands and leaps towards the hand! Zulu rides her ibex to look into the other corridors, and sees red eyes staring back at her!
- The clay floor begins drawing up into a massive clay hand and the party springs into action! Grumpy activates his burning glaive and drags it along the floor, baking the clay! Andromeda summons a god-hammer into her hands and leaps towards the hand! Zulu rides her ibex to look into the other corridors, and sees red eyes staring back at her!
- Grumpy leaps and drives his glaive into the massive clay palm, keeping it locked down even as the fingers close over him! He looks out through the finger-cage and sees Red screaming forth, Lonely Blade in her hands, slicing the fingers apart! He’s freed!
- DJ tries to help but his vampire girlfriend tells him not to… he’s in her thrall! She demands blood if he wants to help his friends, and he batters against the Charm with all his might!
- Andromeda slams down on the fingerless hand, sending shock rippling through the entire room and causing the hand to spasm! It’s stunned!
- Red eyes flash in the darkness and a shape leaps at Zulu… it’s Luna in vampire form! She’s feral and leaps for the throat, but can’t quite get the leverage! Zulu bites back, filled with bloodlust!
- Grumpy drives his glaive deeper into the clay monster and Red leaps off his back, slashing out at the spasming lumps of goop! The creature collapses, Grumpy twisting his glaive into the palm, and the whole thing just collapses into mud.
- DJ breaks from Vladimita’s charm and runs to help Zulu. There is a cry of rage from behind him - Vladimita is not pleased! She runs after him at supernatural speed!
- DJ tries to help but his vampire girlfriend tells him not to… he’s in her thrall! She demands blood if he wants to help his friends, and he batters against the Charm with all his might!
- Andromeda slams down on the fingerless hand, sending shock rippling through the entire room and causing the hand to spasm! It’s stunned!
- Red eyes flash in the darkness and a shape leaps at Zulu… it’s Luna in vampire form! She’s feral and leaps for the throat, but can’t quite get the leverage! Zulu bites back, filled with bloodlust!
- Grumpy drives his glaive deeper into the clay monster and Red leaps off his back, slashing out at the spasming lumps of goop! The creature collapses, Grumpy twisting his glaive into the palm, and the whole thing just collapses into mud.
- DJ breaks from Vladimita’s charm and runs to help Zulu. There is a cry of rage from behind him - Vladimita is not pleased! She runs after him at supernatural speed!
- Andromeda bites into Luna’s neck and pulls her to the ground, where the Lost Boys club her to dust! Luna is defeated.. Again!
- DJ is seized from behind by Vladimita and feels her teeth sink into his neck! Andromeda clubs her in the back of the head with her god-hammer before she can drain a level, and a shot from Red blows off her jaw!
- The party mob the vampire with hammer and spear and shovel-handle, beating her to the ground in front of DJ. DJ smashes her head in with a strike from his holy Bong-Peen and she bursts into gas, defeated.
- The gas starts to blow away, but DJ takes a deep breath from his Bong-Peen and smonks her into the hollow vessel! Vladimita is captured!
--- Fanx fr th mmrs
- In the aftermath, Dargo collapses into mutating mud and fills the room, absorbing the clay monster’s great strength.
- Too late, Fanx turns up from the same direction as Luna asking after her. Alas, he sees the dust and understands immediately. He takes a bit of Red’s blood to help with the recovery and calls for Jax to bring a dustpan and brush for the poor girl, apologising profusely.
--- Lulu Claus
- Andromeda looks around in vampire-vision and sees the exits from this room are labelled with “Skeleton” and “Zombie” and such. The door to “Skin Kites” is blocked up with a barricade.
- They check the zombie room and find her! Lulu Spiderbite frozen in ice. She wears a red hat and has a great white bushy beard - Santa mutations, naturally.
- Grumpy begins melting the ice from Lulu’s head, and Zulu has a strange experience seeing her alternate-reality clone face to face. When the ice is melted enough, Lulu speaks in Swedish. Only Grumpy understands, and translates.
- After some very silly faux-swedish, Zulu stabs Lulu through the head! Lulu smiles, thanking her, and dies. Zulu’s heart begins beating a rhythmic Jingle Bells…
- The ibex is confused, great antlers growing from its head and its nose turning red and shiny. Zulu Claus has arisen! The ice around Lulu melts, and the party take her body from this place. A high level Barbarian deserves a high level funeral.
- They walk back into the clay monster room to find a hulking clay Dargo reforming into a bulky version of his ox-centaur form. He has absorbed the strength of the great clay monster. God help us all.
- Andromeda looks around in vampire-vision and sees the exits from this room are labelled with “Skeleton” and “Zombie” and such. The door to “Skin Kites” is blocked up with a barricade.
- They check the zombie room and find her! Lulu Spiderbite frozen in ice. She wears a red hat and has a great white bushy beard - Santa mutations, naturally.
- Grumpy begins melting the ice from Lulu’s head, and Zulu has a strange experience seeing her alternate-reality clone face to face. When the ice is melted enough, Lulu speaks in Swedish. Only Grumpy understands, and translates.
- After some very silly faux-swedish, Zulu stabs Lulu through the head! Lulu smiles, thanking her, and dies. Zulu’s heart begins beating a rhythmic Jingle Bells…
- The ibex is confused, great antlers growing from its head and its nose turning red and shiny. Zulu Claus has arisen! The ice around Lulu melts, and the party take her body from this place. A high level Barbarian deserves a high level funeral.
- They walk back into the clay monster room to find a hulking clay Dargo reforming into a bulky version of his ox-centaur form. He has absorbed the strength of the great clay monster. God help us all.
Total: 2150 exp
Team Bonus:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Coitus boners
- Classic Charles bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Fame bonus
- Freudian bonus
- Holy bonus
- Homoerotic bonus
- Kill It With Fire bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- Operator as Fuck bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Split the Party bonus
- Coitus boners
- Classic Charles bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Fame bonus
- Freudian bonus
- Holy bonus
- Homoerotic bonus
- Kill It With Fire bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- Operator as Fuck bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Split the Party bonus
Total: 950 exp
Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Zulu - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / DJ - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Zulu - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / DJ - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (George / Lost Boys - 100 exp)
- Triage (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Chef (Russell / Dargo - 100 exp)
- Triage (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Chef (Russell / Dargo - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Timothy, Kitty, Charles - 500 exp ea.)
- Chocco Champion bonus (Ollie - 100 exp)
- Nut Nut bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Chocco Champion bonus (Ollie - 100 exp)
- Nut Nut bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Timothy, Ollie, Carter - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d’Arte bonus (Timothy, Ollie - 100 exp)
- Attacco d’Arte bonus (Timothy, Ollie - 100 exp)
Exp Totals:
- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Andromedan Vampire: 57201 (Level up at 72000)
- Charles / Dustin Johnson, Level 7 Intergalacticist Cleric: 56404 (Level up at 112000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1d6 Healing Pool! +Minimum Faith 7! + Backstory!
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1d6 Healing Pool! +Minimum Faith 7! + Backstory!
- Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 6 Warden Dwarf: 45675 (Level up at 70400)
- Ollie / Zulu Snakebite, Level 6 Barbarian: 40285 (Level up at 64000)
- Russell / Dargo, Level 5 Inheritor: 29467 (Level up at 36000)
- Tim / Red, Level 5 Duellist Fighter: 27701 (Level up at 32000)
- George / The New Moondin Lost Boys, Level 3 Extras: 3853 (Level up at 6000)Level Up! +1d10 HP! +1 Named Character! +Backstory!
