Session 47 - "Does anyone else just wanna like, go home? This place is fucked."

Our intrepid crew enter Dwimmermount, break into the biggest treasure vault on the first level, clear it out, then spend the next couple of weeks travelling around and going to an end-of-month markets and generally having a good time.

But there was also an old map showing a dam beneath which a dying culture locked their old and ancient treasures and assuredly incredible wealth.

Obviously, they followed. 

They arrived in the middle of a humanitarian disaster. Flood waters everywhere, people trying to save their kids, everything was horrible. And that's basically where we ended for the night!

For all - Despite having slightly fewer people due to the long weekend, we're going to have a whole bunch of people coming back next week. But! A light shines in the darkness! 

Josh from last week says he's happy to run a game, so he'll bring stuff next week.

For Clerics - Oli's had a rad idea, especially since we've got a few different Clerics going at the moment. 

You can Bless some sort of holy trinket and give it to someone who believes in your god. Cast Bless on the thing on a Sunday and it lasts all week.

His one is going to give +1 to hit with crossbows if the bearer is an adherent of the Crossbow God.

What your own holy charm thing does is up to you! But it should be related to your deity somehow and at that sort of general power level.

Since you all just levelled up, I'm totally just going to say that this is something Clerics can do once they reach level 2.

For potential god-cult converts - What's that? You're going to wear like 5 of these charms and just change what deity you worship on the fly in to activate different bonuses? 

If you swap deities you can never gain the benefits of the old god's charm ever again, even if you swap back.

For mad inventors - Last session Svalborg started planning a bunch of mad inventions. But how will we know if they work?! Basically roll Tinkering (or the Tinkering of the guy who made it) every time you try to use it and if it succeeds then it works!

For sneaky people - Related to the last thing, you roll your own Stealth checks now. Instead of rolling it when you start sneaking, roll it whenever you might be discovered. OooOOOoOooo.

Session 47 - "Does anyone else just wanna like, go home? This place is fucked."

Campaign date:
Sunday, 7 September, 1549
Moon phase: Third Quarter
Zodiac: Leo

New Characters:

- Calen, a former Halfling Greengrocer, now a sling-master with just the best selection of herbs and spices. Not all the herbs are for cooking if you know what I mean.

Enemies defeated:

- 6 glowing beetles, roasted by fiery explosion. (60 exp)

- A priest weeping on the roof of his church, nutted by Calen's slingstone (0 exp)

- Alfredo Jahn the blonde-bearded fighting man, decapitated along with... (75 exp)

- Veshtoroc the lady with one side beautiful the other wizened, by DWARF's mighty axe as he charged in on the back of a warhorse (75 exp)

Total: 210 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- 8000 sp (8000 sp)

- Bucket of mysterious black liquid, taken by Tobias

- Shield-shaped aquila brooch attracts and absorbs Magic Missiles, claimed by Calem

- Thick bone wand with a star on the end shoots Magic Missiles - 11 charges, claimed by Calem

- Blackened copper gladius goes on fire when swung in anger, claimed by DWARF

- Map to a location on the antimagic Wall with Latin writing.

- Svalborg creates a repeating heavy crossbow. Pierces 2 points of armour, 1d6 damage, reloads every round, 5 round magazine.

- Svalborg creates several different ammo types: Clean Tip (armour piercing, pierces 4 points of armour), Gross Tip (flesh mangler, no armour piercing, 1d10 damage), Iron Core (1d3 damage, never kills), Scatter Shot (bunch of mini-arrows like a 1d6 damage breath weapon).

- Drowned corpse's mouthful of gold dust (50 exp)

- Silvered necklace (500 exp)

- Spellbook containing 6 unidentified spells.

Total: 8550 exp

Exploration:

- 5 dungeon rooms explored (100 exp)

- 100 or so miles travelled (360 exp)

- First party to enter Breasdon (100 exp)

- First party to enter Carrowmore (200 exp)

- First party to behold the breach in the dam (400 exp)

Total: 1160 exp

Events:

- The party enters Dwimmermount, Leo immediately triggers rock fall trap (50 exp)

- Found many poorly made dwarfs stone dead (ha). All killed by insect bites (50 exp)

- Set off gas trap safely (50 exp)

- Set off burning floor trap very unsafely (50 exp)

- Carved "fucking nothing, and I fucked your mum" into the doorpost of an empty storeroom.

- Svalborg picks a locked door with only a fishing hook and a halfling-sized paring knife (50 exp)

- Did a bunch of between-times stuff like buying stuff, going to the bank, getting items identified, translating the Latin on the map, inventing things, and travelling to an end-of-month market in Breasdon. (50 exp)

- Travelled up towards the place on the map, found the town of Carrowmore in the grips of a huge flood. (50 exp)

- Saved some children on a raft, leaving a drowning priest to his doom and allowing a bedraggled man to drag his dying wife away. (50 exp)

- Met an insane lady yelling "UNCLEAN MEAT" who wandered off and talked to a lady who said all the drowned bodies have gold in their mouths. (50 exp)

- Caught a boy about to pick your pocket, his name is Wit Tamdoun but you called him Simon, in the village a teacher loses control of her children and they run off into the drowning town (50 exp)

- Warned a family that a house was about to fall on them, when you looked back towards the creepy man leading a child astray he was gone (50 exp)

- Prevented a child from robbing a man with a spyglass, in the town a sailor is lynched for crimes he didn't commit. (50 exp)

- Scared off some armoured mercenaries who were facing down a group of adventuring types and shot a priest weeping on the roof of his church with a sling, further up the river a boat full of sailors slays the refugees trying to crawl up the sides and save themselves. (50 exp)

- Talked to motley band of strange adventurers, ended up attacking them and killing two. The last, a naked tattooed guy with a glowing mace, escaped in a skiff. (50 exp)

- Began to approach a church that had been washed against a promontory, but were scared off by ominous croaking before the end of session. (50 exp)

Total: 800 exp

Misc:

- Antagonist Emancipator bonus (50 exp)

- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)

- Mad Inventor bonus (50 exp)

- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)

- Twelve-Year-Old on XBox Live bonus (50 exp)

- Shopping Spree bonus (100 exp)

- Failed Saving Throw bonus (Leo, Tobias - 100 exp ea.)

- Near Death Experience bonus (Leo - 100 exp)

Total: 350 exp + bonuses

Business Ventures:

- Anvil, Mining & Craft Inc. Current value: 1528sp

Bonuses at +2 from buying the boat and crew and setting up a trading post.

Quests and Rumours:

- Map writing translated from Latin: 

"There is a kingdom of unspeakable wealth that

trades in dark wonders, secrets and death. And many of the strange

things now on earth are theirs. They draw their power and magic

from a place, and guard it fiercely against all. Now, out of spite

as their kingdom slowly dies, they hide their treasure

palace in the lake, and set there: sleepless and indestructible guards.

All know where it is, on the Lock, upriver of Carrowcester.

No-one who goes there has ever come back.”

- The undead cannot cross running water, we are safe here across the River Deeprush.

- Weapons are outlawed in Edge save for among the upper classes.

- There are markets held in Breasdon every month. While you can buy and sell at excellent prices, the merchants serve a darker power.

- The towns on either end of the Mendicant Road from Gush to the Twinned Cities are starting to charge a toll, the bastards.

- There are all these super hot prostitutes in Edge, but nobody knows where they came from.

- Summer has meant that wolves are less aggressive in the mountains, but stranger and more dangerous things can be found in those peaks.

- Death Knights are attacking Moondin. Good luck to them! I hope they all just wipe each other out.

Death Toll and Injuries:

- None today!

Exp Totals:

Leo / Leo, Level 2 Cleric: 3204 (Level up at 3500)

*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 Level 1 spell/day! +can create holy charms!

Oli / Titus DeCosta, Level 2 Cleric: 2121 (Level up at 3500)

*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 Level 1 spell/day! +can create holy charms!

Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 1971 (Level up at 3000)

Clay / Svalborg, Level 1 Goblin: 1821 (Level up at 2000)

Kyle / Dwain William Arthus Remus Froide, Level 1 Dwarf: 1821 (Level up at 2200)

Thomas / Tobias, Level 2 Cleric: 1821 (Level up at 3500)

*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 Level 1 spell/day! +can create holy charms!

Will / Calen, Level 1 Halfling: 1582 (Level up at 2000)

[[]]

Absent or Retired:

Renzo / Jack "Danger" Wilbur, Level 1 Fighter: 239 (Level up at 2000)

Dominic / Fungonius, Level 4 Cleric: 12443 (Level up at 14000)

Josh / Davril Burtey of Thujin Veil, Level 1 Magic-User: 439 (Level up at 2250)

Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)

Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)

Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)

Mariana / Aurora, Level 1 Cleric: 1646 (Level up at 1750)

Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)

Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)

Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)

Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)

Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)

Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)

Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)

Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)

rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)

Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)

Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 4 Dwarf: 13395 (Level up at 17600)
-- Mr Burg, Level 1 Fighter: 655 (Level up at 2000)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)

Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)

John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)

Dana / Bingo, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 1461(Level up at 2250)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

Session 46 - Can I just start treating you all as a swarm yet?

OK THAT WAS A CHALLENGE but I think it went alright. I basically cannot talk today though.

Fungonius once again finds himself accompanying a mob of poorly equipped strangers into a dark and mysterious dungeon. Chaos ensues.

So many clerics which i guess makes sense since this dungeon is a centre of religious fuckery.

For Davide - you are an Elf with Hold Portal in your heart. This gives you creepy looks and mysterious abilities depending on how many spells you have in your head.

Currently you have the traditional elf ears and a lower chance of surprise, but you'll get weirder as you get more powerful.

The only knowledge I have of the creature you are slowly turning into is this:

Misergeist: Hooky emaciated gloating buzzard-folk; Long and twisted are they and keepers of secrets. The geists are melancholy avarice embodied, hook-nosed and sallow flinthearts that spend their lives gloating over tarnished pewter in the dim and secret cysts of the margins of the world. Misergeists are vanishingly few and bereft of generative vitality; always they seek brides and bridegrooms favoured by the heavens.

For Kyle - Please find attached a bunch of photos of your character sheet. Let me know your plans! Your sheet did indeed say "On Wagon!" on it so I'll trust you to work out what you actually left in the boat.

I imagine Marley the Thief has been "looking after" everyone else's stuff because it gives a convenient excuse for its whereabouts. Anything you personally had on you is currently soaking in royal jelly, but there's definitely livestock and barrels and stuff at least around.

How Fungonius got between locations between sessions is anyone's guess. I assume he's like Gandalf and just turns up sometimes.

For all - While I am glad that the game can at least function with ten players it is definitely getting to a sub-optimal size! Solutions welcome. If someone wants to spin off a splinter group that could work? I know Josh mentioned he prefers to run rather than play.

I say this with great trepidation because a couple of months ago I was worried about having too few players, but such is the burden of the Dungeon Master!

Session 46 - Can I just start treating you all as a swarm yet?

Campaign date:
Saturday, August 21st, 1549
Moon phase: First Quarter
Zodiac: Leo

New Characters:

- Tobas, Cleric of Tomax, a former hayward with a hunting horn.

- Titus DeCosta, once fenced items of dubious provenance, now a Cleric of Eric the God of Crossbows.

- Gtuzk, an ill-fated Goblin pirate who was apparently highly allergic to centipedes.

- Svalborg, a broom-wielding Goblin who was once a street sweeper.

- Jack "Danger" Wilbur. A Fighter and expert trapper. Danger is his second name.

- Golden Junk, an Elf and former alchemist. Elf species: Misergeist.

- Dwain William Arthus Remus Froide. A dwarven gongfarmer and shit-raker. Call him DWARF for short.

- Davril Burtey of Thujin Veil. A young wizard and former linkboy. His familiar is a poisonous Krait from the far-flung Kingdoms of Ind.

Enemies defeated:

- 9 poorly manufactured stone dwarfs, variously murdered (45 exp)

- Their leader, noble Garin of the Two Heads, speared through the throats (10 exp)

- An actual real flesh-and-blood dwarf, looted then burnt to death as he slept near a weird sleep-pillar. (0 exp)

- A giant centipede (10 exp)

- Green slime, scared off by fire before it could claim a victim. (25 exp)

Total: 90 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- Gold spider statuette (1000 exp)

- Jar of gloopy Azoth claimed from broken bronze head.

- Various low quality weaponry.

- A rusty statue's sword.

Total: 1000 exp

Exploration:

- 8 dungeon rooms explored (160 exp)

- 2 wandering monsters rolled (40 exp)

Total: 200 exp

Events:

- Entered Dwimmermount through the Red Door (50 exp)

- Briefly met some strange angular dwarfs with red X's painted on their chests before trying to hit them with sticks (50 exp)

- Another roomful of the dwarfs emerges from one door, Jack "Danger" Wilbur tears off a statue's arm to use as a club. Fungonius loses his good spell to some quick-footed dwarfs. Jack is knocked sprawling when one of them trips over a rock and falls into him. Dwain is interested in a bucket. (50 exp)

- Meanwhile the rest of the party run off through opposite door, Dexter in Group A holds the door closed because he's scared. Davril checks out nearby rooms, one with a huge mechanical bronze head the other with a glowing pillar. Davril heads off down the end of the corridor (50 exp)

- Someone gets Dexter out of the way, people head back into the main combat. It is very confusing. Titus grabs a spear and nails their leader in the throat. It is discovered that the little dwarfs turn to stone when they die, turning the spear to stone with it as part of some sort of death sculpture. (50 exp)

- Gtuzk the Goblin goes inside the room with the glowing pillar which has a sleeping dwarf touching it. Frisks body and gets bitten by a centipede. Davril throws his snake at it. Gtuzk is dying. Davril sets the sleeping dwarf on fire who dies horrifically. (50 exp)

- Fungonius eats three crits in a row as two dwarfs cork his arms then jump up and smack him in the head. He's down for the count. (50 exp)

- Tobas meets some more of the little mishapen dwarfs and some larger ugly human dudes around a campfire. Exchanges pleasantries and makes excuses for all the noise. Learns about Terms Termax, the Godhead worshipped by many in the area. (50 exp)

- Dexter goes into the bronze head room. It speaks Latin. Luckily, Dexter knows Latin. He asks it where to find the most powerful Necromantic magics and it tells him to go to Mount Death Frost. (50 exp)

- Combat ends when the last two little dwarfs run away rather than keep whaling on the unconscious Fungonius. (50 exp)

- Meanwhile Golden Junk sticks his hand inside the bronze head's mouth to see if he can feel anything in there. There is a grinding sound as his arm up to the elbow is ground up in the gears. The giant head is broken and starts gurgling. Golden Junk screams. (50 exp)

- In an attempt to fix the head, Davril and Tobas try to fish the arm out with a pole then lever the head off the wall somehow. A rain of bronze bolts and nuts and viscous black goop vomit from the mouth and half the head breaks into pieces. The head is fucked. (50 exp)

- Svalborg the Goblin turns up and checks out a few rooms, Davril goes somewhat insane and goes running off down a main corridor screaming only for green slime to drop on his head. Jack Danger accidentally shoots him in the dick. Quick thinking saves him. Others molest a statue. (50 exp)

- Everybody goes home as I struggle to piece together what actually happened. 

Total: 650 exp

Misc:

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)

- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)

- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)

- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)

- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)

- War Crime bonus (50 exp)

- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)

- What the Fuck Guys bonus (50 exp)

- Why Did You Touch That bonus (Golden Junk - 50 exp)

- Died in your First Session (to Titus - 200 exp)

- Death's Witness (Davril - 100 exp)
- Near Death Experience (Golden Junk, Fungonius, Davril - 100 exp ea.)

Total: 450 exp + bonuses

Business Ventures:

- Anvil, Mining & Craft Inc. changes hands to the deceased owner's brother, Dwain. There are ill omens and a sense of foreboding, -2 to the next Risk roll.  Investment will increase in value by 1d20+10% this month.

Quests and Rumours:

- None down here.

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Gtuzk, a goblin pirate far from the sea. Frisked an unconscious dwarf for loot and got bitten on the hand by a centipede of unusual size. Turns out it was poisonous.

- Fungonius gained a "badass scar that will totally get you laid" but is otherwise unharmed. In response, I make some quick changes to my Death & Dismemberment table.

Exp Totals:

Dominic / Fungonius, Level 4 Cleric: 12443 (Level up at 14000)

Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1460 (Level up at 2250)

Leo / Jack, Level 1 Cleric: 1422 (Level up at 1750)

Renzo / Jack "Danger" Wilbur, Level 1 Fighter: 239 (Level up at 2000)

Thomas / Tobas, Level 1 Cleric: 239 (Level up at 1750)

Oli / Titus DeCosta, Level 1 Cleric: 439 (Level up at 1750)

Clay / Gtuzk, Level 1 Goblin: Deceased

Clay / Svalborg, Level 1 Goblin: 239 (Level up at 2000)

Davide / Golden Junk, Level 1 Elf (Misergeist): 389 (Level up at 3000)

Kyle / Dwain William Arthus Remus Froide, Level 1 Dwarf: 239 (Level up at 2200)

Josh / Davril Burtey of Thujin Veil, Level 1 Magic-User: 439 (Level up at 2250)

[[]]

Absent or Retired:

Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)

Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)

Mariana / Aurora, Level 1 Cleric: 1646 (Level up at 1750)

Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)

Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)

Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)

Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)

Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)

Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)

Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)

Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)

rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)

Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)

Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 4 Dwarf: 13395 (Level up at 17600)
-- Mr Burg, Level 1 Fighter: 655 (Level up at 2000)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)

Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)

John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)

Dana / Bingo, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 1461(Level up at 2250)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

Session 45 - "This bomb is going to be awesome. It's going to kill everything."

Sessions without a death:  Nine  Zero

So basically, everybody died. Or nearly everyone. 

The climactic finale saw the party being attacked by a horde of strimmer ants as they tried to harvest the ant queen's pool of Royal Jelly in her dead-end nest chamber. 

Balthizar the Name Unconfirmed Scottish Dwarf threw his last signature Yellow Mold Bomb down a corridor in order to kill the whole lot of the ants, and poison any others who followed.

He, Zed and Marley avoided the blast by jumping into Royal Jelly pool itself. Mushroom Lover avoided the blast by shadow-shifting through a wall. Punchfist van Hit avoided the blast by punching herself 2 rounds into the future.

Unfortunately the blast wasn't the main threat, the Yellow Mold payload was dispersed across a huge area, including into the chamber of the Ant Queen.

Mushroom Lover emerged into a room full of a cloying yellow cloud behind an ant queen in its death throes, plunging into the Royal Jelly as the mold burnt at his eyes and throat and skin.
Punchfist reappeared in time to choke to death on the mold herself. The last thing she choked to death on her knees was Marley dragging himself out of the viscous and cloying semi-sentient honey.

Marley was the only one who managed to do so. Zed the new guy and Balthizar the bomb-thrower were visible only as dark shapes ineffectually pawing at the golden ooze as sweetness filled their lungs.

And none of it was even my fault!

For All - I'm introducing a thing where you can "buy" a dead person's exp by throwing them a lavish funeral. 1:1 silver-to-exp ratio so it's like an improved Carousing where there are no downsides and you choose how much you spend.

Probably not so relevant this time because most of you died with your cash...

For Mark - While you will be getting a heaaap of exp for this, there's a limit of one level-up per session. Any experience points going over halfway to the next level are lost.

I assume this is to prevent the arkenstone making Bilbo shoot up to level 100.

You will get bonus exp above this limit for individual bonuses though. Being the sole survivor of a near total party kill changes a man.

For Oli - WELCOME TO D&D HA HA HA

Session 45 - "This bomb is going to be awesome. It's going to kill everything."

Campaign date:
Wednesday, August 18th, 1549
Moon phase: Waxing Crescent
Zodiac: Leo

New Characters:

- Zed, a sickly and mentally deficient mason turned Fighter in search of adventure.

Enemies defeated:

- The strimmer ant Queen, poisoned by Yellow Mold (100 exp)

- 73 strimmer ants, directly killed by mold bomb explosion and subsequent mold cloud (365 exp)

Total: 465 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- Early stage mushroom suit - Deadly Webcap.

- Huge glop of strimmer ant royal jelly held in scratch-built gecko skin sack (1000 exp)

- 2 strimmer ant eggs

- Various miscellanea looted from the deceased including spellbooks and maps, much of it encrusted with royal jelly.

- Various body parts morbidly harvested from the deceased, much of it encrusted with royal jelly.

Total: 1000 exp

Exploration:

- Discovered Derring & Do, henchman agency (50 exp)

- Discovered Honest Bill's Used Horse Dealership (50 exp)

- Visited Atrox Morbus, golden chirurgeon (50 exp)

- Discovered the Panacea Parlour, physicker (50 exp)

- Visited St Cuthbert's, city hospital (50 exp)

- Discovered the Fifth Labour, stables and self storage (50 exp)

- Visited the Fortress Bank (50 exp)

- Discovered Wizzbang Will's, drug emporium (50 exp)

- First party to enter Rote (500 exp)

- Travelled 174 miles by foot and by boat (580 exp)

- 9 dungeon rooms explored (180 exp)

- 1 secret door found (50 exp)

Total: 1710 exp

Misc:

- Punchfist spent a few weeks creating a new spell: "Punchfist "Pheoby" van Hit's Trans-Temporal Bi-Directional Chronomatic Reinception Technique, est 1549 AD".  Sends target 1 round/level into the future. Reversible - the reverse of this spell sends the target 1 round into the past. (50 exp)

- Mushroom Lover visited a temple, a hospital, and finally the golden chirurgeon Indefatigable Orm.. His mold sickness was cured by drawing the sickness into his left leg and amputating it. (50 exp)

- Punchfist visited the zoologist of Sortitus University who told him he would pay a "princely sum" for a queen strimmer ant. (50 exp)

- Preparations for ant queen capture were drawn up, including reinforced barrels, pigs and cows for food source, riverboat hired as transport. (50 exp)

- Travelled to and entered the mushroom god dungeon, discovered easy-access queens were gone, explored further (50 exp)

- Punchfist fast-talked her way into stealing some new-grown mushroom suits for infiltration purposes (50 exp)

- Fungonius took some magic mushrooms, watched an ant talking and tapdancing and being generally silly, discovered ants avoid all mushrooms if they can help it (50 exp)

- Followed strimmer ant trail to vegetative ant-birthing sacs and central queen ant (50 exp)

- Met Ula Bthon, a wholly encased mushroom man and expert strimmer ant breeder (50 exp)

(Fungonius quietly slips out at this point)

- Harvested royal jelly from pool beneath ant queen, took ant eggs from within (50 exp)

- Attempted to destroy subsequent strimmer ant attack with mold bomb. It worked far too well. (50 exp)

- Marley stumbles from the dungeon, caked in royal jelly, dragging a motley assortment of limbs and equipment and stolen goods. (50 exp)

--

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)

- Diplomacy bonus (50 exp)

- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)

- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)

- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)

- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)

- What the Fuck Guys bonus (50 exp)

- Died in your First Session bonus (Oli - 200 exp to next character)

- Death's Witness bonus (Marley - 100 exp)
- Sole Survivor bonus (Marley - 500 exp)

Total: 950 exp + bonus

Quests and Rumours:

- "Raise prices keep going up! The army's buying up gems to revive soldiers."

- "The farms have cycled completely to beans and meat. High-yield stuff. Drug prices are going to shoot up soon so I'd stock up if I were you."

- "Even in times like these, the Thermae keeps going strong. I feel so fresh!"

- "They're finding people jobs faster than they can hire them at Derring & Do. It's a good time for honest goonery, I'll tell you that."

- "Honest Bill sold me a horse with a bum leg. Between you and me, I don't think Honest Bill is as honest as he says he is."

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Balthizar, threw a huge yellow mold bomb in order to kill a legion of strimmer ants, jumped into the Royal Jelly vat beneath their queen to escape blast, drowned in the thick treacle.

- Zed, jumped into the big vat of Royal Jelly to avoid strimmer ants and mold bomb, drowned in the thick treacle.

- Mushroom Lover, used shadowy Elf ability to leap into a shadow and emerge from another nearby, attempting to cut the control thread connected to the Queen. Emerged to a Queen that was already dying... and a lungful of Yellow Mold.

- Punchfist van Hit, used newly invented spell to punch self 12 seconds into the future and avoid blastwave, reappeared in time to choke to death on deadly Yellow Mold.

Exp Totals:

Renzo / Mushroom Lover, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): Deceased

Dominic / Fungonius, Level 4 Cleric: 12104 (Level up at 14000)

Clay / Punchfist Van Hit, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: Deceased

Kyle / Balthizar the Name Unconfirmed Scottish Dwarf, Level 2 Dwarf: Deceased

Mark / Marley, Level 2 Specialist: 2850 (Level up at 3000)

*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points!

Oli / Zed, Level 1 Fighter: Deceased - 200 exp to next character

[[]]

Absent or Retired:

Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)

Leo / Jack, Level 1 Cleric: 1183 (Level up at 1750)

Mariana / Aurora, Level 1 Cleric: 1646 (Level up at 1750)

Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1221 (Level up at 2250)

Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)

Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)

Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)

Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)

Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)

Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)

Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)

Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)

rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)

Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)

Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 4 Dwarf: 13395 (Level up at 17600)
-- Mr Burg, Level 1 Fighter: 655 (Level up at 2000)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)

Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)

John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)

Dana / Bingo, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 1461(Level up at 2250)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human

Session 44 - Dungeons and Big Geckos.

Mild apologies for shuffling you into the dungeon mid-session! I had prepped for a lot of city stuff but there was a true newbie around, and I feel a proper dungeon crawl is good for the soul.

I mean, I enjoy Fantasy Accounting Simulator and all, but it's more fun when you've got some of dat cash around.

So, we had some rumours of Fortress-City Fate bandied around. Many shops and pubs and such in the place. I promised information from the library but swiftly forgot, so remind me to give you some answers to your questions next session!

Following some browsing of specialty shops in the city despite prices being legit 5x higher this session, including some leather dog armour for Sir Barkington, the intrepid party was drawn to the entrance to the city's megadungeon.

Rushing water, great big paddle wheels pwoering mysterious machinery hidden in the walls, all sorts. Apparently hobos go down there if they can't pay Fate's ridiculous rents and taxes,

Mysteries of the depths below the City were, if not revealed, then hopefully hinted at.

Guano-carrying rat men were befriended but not trusted, a one-way door was held open with a stone, and Sir Barkington was kicked into a room where he was eaten by what everyone thought was a dragon.

An inglorious end for such a glorious mutt.

For Renzo - your "condition" is getting worse and much more obvious. You have maybe a week at most until the worst happens.

You have also finally levelled up! Big level 5. That's a new high score! You gain access to mighty Level 3 spells. Let's hope you have time to enjoy it!

For Rita - this is all I know about your Elf's species so far -

Sloomit Waghorn: 

Conspiratorial manipulative lurkers in alcoves. Hidden in the Bounder-Keeps of the imperium's tattered brink are the fey and crump-horned scholars of the dead years. They keep chronicles kept in dusty archives in which are remembered the aeons of the Earth's dark prime and dynasties beyond. They seek runestones and ogham-staves and other archaic inscriptions.

I'll basically just make up more stuff as you get more powerful. Expect crazy language-based powers and abilities.

See you all next week!

Session 44 - Dungeons and Big Geckos.

Campaign date:
Thursday, August 12th, 1549
Moon phase: Waning Crescent
Zodiac: Leo

New Characters:

- Marley, a Specialist who escaped an exciting life of mucking out stables.

- Arwen, a shaman turning into an Elf. Real good at languages,

Enemies defeated:

- A "dragon" (100 exp)

- 2 giant toads, chopped up. (50 exp)

Total: 150 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- 80cp (8 exp)

- A silver circlet, dredged from water (1100 exp)

- Ragged giant gecko skin, skinned with a battleaxe (100 exp)

- Giant gecko teeth, taken by Mushroom Lover.

- 4 giant gecko hands, 2 each taken by Punchfist and Marley.

Total: 1208 exp

Exploration:

- Discovered the Wild Inventoria, mad inventor's shop (50 exp)

- Discovered Gunman and Son, gun shop (50 exp)

- Discovered Lamister's Roost, thieving supplies (50 exp)

- Discovered Woofles, dog shop (50 exp)

- Discovered the National Library (100 exp)

- First party to travel through the Maintenance Hatch below the Sciotherico. (100 exp)

- First party to enter the Brass Wheelhouse. (100 exp)

- First party to enter Level 1 of the Deep Undercity.(100 exp)

- Discovered the Undermarket (50 exp)

- 4 random encounters (80 exp)

- 16 dungeon rooms explored (320 exp)

Total: 1050 exp

Misc:

- Balthizar has invested 11gp and 48sp into his mining startup in the north.

- Met Adam Venture, proprietor of the Mad Inventoria (50 exp)

- Met Jill Dillinger, proprieter of Lamister's Roost (50 exp)

- Bargained for Jill's old lockpicking tools (50 exp)

- Met Sandra Mull, proprietor of Woofles, while buying dog armour (50 exp)

- Entered the Deep Undercity with no real issues. (50 exp)

- Translated the "Danger, dragon this way!" sign (50 exp)

- Met Skitch, some sort of rat man, who led you to the Undermarket. (50 exp)

- Successfully entered the Undermarket (50 exp)

- "Befriended" Squint the rat man who showed you to the dragon's den. (50 exp)

- Dragon fishing! (50 exp)

---

- Diplomacy bonus (50 exp)

- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)

- Long Deliberation bonus (50 exp)

- PETA bonus (50 exp)

- Vore bonus (50 exp)

- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)

- Party fame increased amongst the ratmen! (50 exp)

- Near Death Experience bonus (Marley and Arwen - 100 exp ea.)

Total: 850 exp + bonus

Quests and Rumours:

- "There's been talk of mermaids down in Rote, would you believe? Real problems with sailors disappearing. As if trade wasn't bad enough!"

- "That Gunman fellow has been working with Adam Venture to make a self-winding wheellock mechanism. It'll change the world, I mark you!"

- "There's running water criss-crossing everywhere beneath the city. None of the Dead can get in here!"

- "I swear on all the gods that I saw a rat as big as a great dane near the Figgin and Yelp. It was too a rat, I saw its tail!"

- "The trams have been breaking down a lot. Bloody TfF. I hope nothing's wrong with the Treadle."

- "The girl who runs Lamister's Roost is a cat burglar come clean."

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Sir Barkington. Sent into a dark room with a dragon in it for... reasons?

Exp Totals:

Renzo / Mushroom Lover, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 24072 (Level up at 48000)

*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 level 1 spell/day! +1 level 3 spell/day! +free level 3 spell!

Clay / Punchfist Van Hit, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3685 (Level up at 4500)

Kyle / Balthizar the Name Unconfirmed Scottish Dwarf, Level 2 Dwarf: 3635 (Level up at 4400)

Leo / Jack, Level 1 Cleric: 1183 (Level up at 1750)

Mark / Marley, Level 1 Specialist: 643 (Level up at 1500)

Rita / Arwen, Level 1 Elf (Sloomit Waghorn): 643 (Level up at 3000)

[[]]

Absent or Retired:

Mariana / Aurora, Level 1 Cleric: 1646 (Level up at 1750)

Pedro / Dexter, Level 1 Necromancer: 1221 (Level up at 2250)

Dominic / Fungonius, Level 4 Cleric: 10616 (Level up at 14000)

Sophia / Ceres, Level 1 Elf (Hollowback Ylfen): 1487 (Level up at 3000)

Alex / Tick, Level 1 Goblin: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Oliver / Pip, Level 1 Halfling: 731 (Level up at 2000)

Ej / Matilda, Level 2 Specialist: 1839 (Level up at 3000)

Sev / Brad the Stabbinator, Level 1 Fighter: 1871 (Level up at 2000)

Harry / Reg, Level 1 Dwarf: 150 (Level up at 2200)

Mike / Lootle Halfstack, Level 1 Specialist: 715 (Level up at 1500)

Aaron / Maura, Level 1 Halfling: 1637 (Level up at 2000)

Matt / Sheik, Level 1 Barbarian: 767 (Level up at 2000)

Shaun / Nagash, Level 1 Necromancer: 817 (Level up at 2250)

rhhjdghjdshgjbleeeh / Elric, Level 1 Cleric: 817 (Level up at 1750)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 12881 (Level up at 18000)

Pawel / Devein, Level 1 Dwarf: 1160 (Level up at 2200)

Liisa / Peggy Pigrider, Level 4 Dwarf: 13395 (Level up at 17600)
-- Mr Burg, Level 1 Fighter: 655 (Level up at 2000)
Marco / Sauron, Level 1 Necromancer: 1530 (Level up at 2250)
Tom / NWA Chuck Langley, Level 1 Cleric: 951 (Level up at 1750)

Ros / Rhea, Level 1 Elf (Capriped): 850 (Level up at 3000)

John / Level 1 Magic-User: 1500 (Level up at 2000)

Dana / Bingo, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 1461(Level up at 2250)
Chris / Crocell, Level 4 Halfling: 12318 (Level up at 16000)
-- Belial, Level 1 Fighter: 1047 (Level up at 2000)
Michael / Mist Urmun, Level 4 Magic User: 9129 (Level up at 18000)
Renzo / Gastani, Level 2 Barbarian: 3000 (Level up at 4000)
Chris2 / Gadling, Level 3 Specialist (Assassin): 4738 (Level up at 6000)
Joanna / Artemis, Level 2 Specialist (Healer): 2250 (Level up at 3000)
George / Magnus, Level 1 Cleric: 1342 (Level up at 1750)
Lisa / Bella, Level 1 Magic User: 1951 (Level up at 2250)
Jacob / Wizard Khalifa, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 430 (Level up at 2250)
Marius' Totally-Not-Necromancer, Level 3 Necromancer: 5111 (Level up at 9000)
Nadav / Frog, Level 1 Fighter: 732 (Level up at 2000)
Charlie / Losh, Level 1 Elf (Habberjock): 309 (Level up at 3000)
Jack / Uldric, Level 1 Magic User: 409 (Level up at 2250)
Kate / Khaleesi, Level 1 Muscle Wizard: 37 (Level up at 2250)
Emmi / Lyrel, Level 2 Necromancer: 2891 (Level up at 4500)
--- Schmidt, Level 0 Human