Session 351 - Into the Underways

 Date: 15 August

Moon: N̴̡͎͓̳͔͇̗̯͚͈͉̝͔̘͌͂͘͘͜͜Ę̶̛̛̥̝̰̰̞͙̯̽̀͊̃̽͊̔̒̅͊̐̎́͝W̶̜̗̫̬̠̣͓̤̹̪̣̝̱̍͗͐̉͊̕̕̚ ̵̛̦͉̖̣̰͛̒̀̓̌̾̒̋͑͘M̶̧͈͔̮̱̭̈́́͜ͅŐ̶͇̫͚̐̔̋͂Ö̶̬͎́͗́̇̀̓͊̾̃̄̿̆N̶̢̠̲̾̓͐̎͋̓͂̌̅̈́̋̚̕̕͝͠
Zenith: Oberon

Events:

--- Primordial Tech

- After many trials, our heroes have formed a tenuous alliance with the goblins who lead them to a secret door. Within is the nerve centre of the Pyramid - ancient machines and a God-summoning holo-plate hooked up to a huge green-tinted screen. This thing looks absolutely ancient.
- They turn it on, but no God hologram appears. Instead the screen turns on with green audio bars like a hi-fi and Oberon's voice is piped in... but it's a very early version of Oberon! Soon another Oberon joins him - the modern Oberon - connecting directly to the God orbiting the world.
- They ask many questions, discovering that the pyramids were constructed in an earlier epoch as a combination atmosphere repair system and Shub-Niggurath killer. They would take poison from the sky and pump it deep into the earth where it would kill the monster in the core.

- They also discover that they can cleanse further areas by adding pylons back to the grid. The pylons and further pyramids are accessible by rails that run underneath the entire Drudge Wastes.
- Before leaving, Grumblebelch asks for knowledge of the ancient technology and gets reams of dot matrix printed paper from one of the machines. Then she changes the passwords so nobody else can access the terminal ever again!

--- A MAP!?

- They continue through this hidden zone into a wide corridor, where they find what they discover to be debugging tools, including a talking Dwarf head that states problems with whatever it's looking at.
- The next room contains a mapmaking device! It busily prints out a whole new section of the world map!
- They pore over it, comparing it to their current (very old) map of the old world! Odo's eyes go wide as she realises that there's a pattern to these pyramids and pylons!

--- Obligatory Spiders
- Aximander is at the height of his moon-wrought powers. He is more Elf than Man, the devil himself, wielding powers inhuman and incredible.
- While everyone else is obsessed with the map, he walks out into the main hall and nukes the spider guarding the way forward. In a charred egg sac, he finds a Potion of Jealousy.

--- Golems Below
- Catching up to Aximander and stepping gingerly over the spider corpse, the others follow him down to the deeper level below the pyramid.
- There they find a fountain with nice, fizzy, minerally water. The fountain depicts Dwarves constructing a golem from clay.
- There's a smell of woodsmoke, and they discover that through the next area there are a bunch of giant golems arguing about the Idea of Thorns. One argues that cities are necessary for the spread of nature, another argues that cities should always be destroyed in the first instance so that nature can thrive.

- Odo and Tyler Lockheart wade into the discussion. Tyler, naturally, is just a centrist who thinks everyone should just be civil. He offers a joint. They talk Thorns for a bit.

--- Spiders Above

- The others have snuck past and entered a grand hall with many pillars. Robo-raptors are tied by chains to the pillars, and spiders scuttle in webs above!
- Aximander goes full Roy Mustang and starts blasting, balls of fire detonating in the webs on the ceiling and causing spider corpses to fall like rain, to the delight of the raptors!
- A Chaos Burst causes a wall of force to erupt against the ceiling and rain starts to fall! In the chaos, the party dashes past to a big door on the opposite wall.

--- Explosive Clues

- They find a hexagonal room, then turn down a corridor to find themselves in a sort of Dwarven temple! Guard rails head down the long corridor, and on either side are bas reliefs.
- The reliefs show a story of Goblins betraying Dwarves in a city, Dwarves forcing Goblins into retreat to the surface, a Goblin-made poison superweapon killing all the Dwarves in the city, and a final powerful hero who inverts the pyramids' poison pump sending it all to the surface to create the Drudge Wastes.
- A side chamber has a clay golem prototype. There is talk of attempting to animate it, but ultimately they do not.
- There is a corridor with 6 doors coming off of it. Everyone picks a door and opens it simultaneously! Everyone is blasted with various elements simultaneously!

- Inside the rooms are runes (hence the elemental blasts) and small versions of several pyramids. Given the makeup of the pyramids and the elements of the runes that blasted them, our heroes put together that these must be the elemental types of the golems in the various pyramids. Neat!
- There are also little models of the golems arrayed around the pyramid dioramas, which is pretty cute.

--- Various Cliffhangers
- The last room contains a big square hole in the centre of the room that leads down to some rails! It's the Underways!
- More interestingly for Odo, a side chamber has a big diamond as a keystone which is holding up the ceiling... She works with Tyler to create a device that will pull the whole thing out.
- Also interestingly, Sydney finds their way to a room with many dead stone Dwarves clutching little golem figurines. They surmise that these Dwarves are actually empowering the golems by sending their souls into them.
- Also also interestingly, Aximander opens the doors at the very end of the temple. The cracks in the stonework around it glow with a bright white light, and beyond the door is a shimmering corridor filled with scintillating energy,
- Odo PULLS OUT THE DIAMOND and the ceiling RUMBLES
- Sydney YANKS A MODEL GOLEM and the Dwarf's eyes OPEN
- Aximander steps into the corridor and SEES SOMETHING LOOMING

- We end the session because the pub is closing!

Total: 8000 exp

Treasure:
- A new map!
- Debugging tools, including a Dwarf head and a number of old coins with different numbers on them. (1000 exp)

- Potion of Jealousy

Total: 1000 exp

Enemies:

- 5 Black Widow spiders (500 exp)
- 4 robo-raptors (400 exp)
Total: 900 exp

OOC:
- Carter the Chronicler and Paymaster and Vanguard (300 exp)
- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp)
- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp)
- Tom the Chef (100 exp)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 7 Magic-User: 76573 (Level up at 144000)

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 53689 (Level up at 72000)

- James G / Tyler Lockheart, Level 6 Specialist: 40088 (Level up at 48000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 5 Languid Wastrel: 32058 (Level up at 36000)

- Tom / Odo Grumblebelch, Level 5 Dwarven Barbarian: 15954 (Level up at 16000)

Level Up! +1d10 HP! +1 to Saves! +Lorebond! +Backstory!

Session 350 - Mighty Meta-Manipulation!

Date: 1 August

Moon: Full Clean Face
Zenith: Eris

New Backstory:

- Sydney owes Jojo a great debt for saving their life. Once per session, drop to 0HP to cancel any death dice they have accrued.

Events:

--- Go Before They Ask Questions!

- We open in a dungeon, drops of silvery fluid trickling down carved circuit-board stone walls, somewhere beneath the huge stepped pyramid above.
- A crumbled wall has just been mined out by Dwarves from Ur-Darghab, a task given in exchange for their lives by our victorious (and merciful) heroes. The Dwarves, job completed, shuffle off to tend to their crumbling dead. Their are cries of sorrow as they realise the gems of the dead have been taken.

- Thinking of the bloody gems in their pockets, and not wanting to cause an awkward scene, the party hurriedly rush into the revealed room.

- The caves beyond are the fractal low-poly style of Ur-Darghab, the faceted surfaces look absolutely gorgeous in Odo's dwarven darkvision.

--- Lizards!

- Arrayed around a slightly sizzling pool of trickling water, in a cave that's evidently only partway through being fractally beautified, are several part-robot raptors! Their red robo-eyes gleam, wet tongues licking their metal jaws.

- Jojo throws a hunk of boar meat and one of the raptors snaps it up. Odo, who's been checking out the ceiling, thinks she sees movement up there...
- They decide to leave well enough alone and go check out the rocks piled at the exit, when a sticky tongue slaps down straight at Odo!
- She's hit... then isn't? Reality shimmers with subtle energies. It's the effect of Sydney's new spell, Meta-Manipulation, slightly turning luck in their favour!
- Odo responds by trying to slice the tongue off! She fails... but hits! The tongue is cut clean in two, part of it flopping on the floor at her feet like a fish, the other snapping back up towards the ceiling and revealing the huge-eyed face of a giant cyborg chameleon!
- Sydney casts Slippery Slope to take the rubble down to crush the raptors, while Aximander grabs a spear and starts attacking the creature on the ceiling. It's a crit-fumble... it's a hit! The chameleon bleeds silver.
- Jojo joins the battle in earnest to head of an as-yet uncrushed raptor... and more tongues flick down towards her! There's more than one chameleon!

--- Goblins arrive
- Through the door once blocked by rubble, some goblins with thorny crowns emerge. "Not now!" shriek the party, and thankfully the goblins are ok with watching.
- Odo slays her chameleon, and is then summarily snatched into the darkness by another!

- Sydney gets tongue-grappled from a distance... but even without the aura of luck he's unscathed! The enemy chameleon fumbles... and fumbles... and fumbles again... until it's blown up its own armour, cut off its own tongue, and fallen prone and stunned into the water. I've never seen the like!
- That's Sydney's time to shine with their Wing Suit with a daredevil's soul, destroying the wings to burst straight into the half dead chameleon and make it full dead, then riding its corpse back into the fray!
- Jojo and Aximander are beating down a raptor with a combination of axe and flame, while Sydney's meta-manipulation runs out when they narrowly avoid a tongue and Odo murders the chameleon that's been trying to swallow her leg for half the fight!

--- Tyler Loveheart arrives
- What's that? It's Tyler Loveheart with the surfboard!
- He shows up mid-session as usual, surfing down the Slippery Slope as Sydney sends out a fan of Magic Missiles into the fray, and swipes a recovering raptor with his board!
- Aximander blasts it with pyrokinesis, igniting all the fluids inside it and sending it shooting off around the room like a rocket! It explodes in a spray of hot silvery liquid.

- Seeing its compatriots boiled, broken, beaten and scarred... the last chameleon turns invisible and legs it.

- Party at Sydney's Place

- Sydney summons their Safe Space so that everyone can have a rest. Meta-Manipulation really saved the day!
- The thorn goblins yell something down at the party who cover their ears and go "lalala" to avoid hearing the Idea of Thorns! The goblins have to quickly turn away though, since there are sounds of a giant chameleon attacking some goblins back there.
- Inside the Safe Space it's a huge flat, penthouse suite, seven bedrooms, and even a very nice modern kitchen! They drag the raptor and chameleon corpses in through the front door, getting blood and guts all over the parquet floor, and butcher them right there. The smell is quite something, and the windows of the flat don't actually open.
- Odo cooks the fresh meat while Sydney watches in horror as the others steal snacks from the fridge, get drunk on the wine that was meant to be saved for a special occasion, take way too long in the toilet, and generally make a mess of the place.
- When it's ready they feast upon Dino-Nike-Us, involving a tender mix of raptor and lion meat, a slow-cooked chameleon tongue, butter, and a marmite glaze. It makes them heal extra good with a night's sleep!

--- Discussing the Idea of Thorns

- In the morning, the place is a mess. Tyler's room is untouched, but only because he spent the night with Jojo who is positively glowing! The other rooms are full of tangled sheets, chairs are tipped over around the dining table which has something sticky spilled over the abandoned playing cards, and something unholy has occurred in the en suite toilet.

- Sydney is trying to hold back tears, and is about to say something they might regret, when mercifully there's a knock at the door! It's a noise complaint from the goblins. They're ok if our heroes stick around, so long as they don't unleash any more chameleons and turn down the music after 11pm.
- The rest of the party troop out of the front door past Sydney, who takes one last regretful look back at his trashed apartment and shuts the door. It fades away behind him, leaving behind only the subtle scent of unflushed vomit.

- They go to talk to the goblins, and only Sydney is brave enough to hear them talk about the Idea of Thorns! They pass their save, and can now speak uninhibited! Their leader is Graxxar, and he's extra thorny.
- The Idea of Thorns itself is a sort of anti-civilisation, pro-nature and accelerationist anarcho-primitivism. Previously it might have been a bad thing to destroy civilisation and return to living in harmony with nature, but since the apocalypse wiped out civilisation anyway it's the perfect time to embrace the Idea of Thorns!
- Sydney takes this with some scepticism, and asks what they know about the lizards.
- It transpires that they theorise the lizards are some sort of pyramid guardians, and they trapped them in that area behind the rocks to stop them eating them. These goblins also used to live with the golems, or at least were tolerated by them, until they kept going on about the Idea and got kicked out of the pyramid proper.
- Finally, they know where there's a secret pyramid control room, and offer to guide the party if they'll get them back into the main pyramid and into the Underways! What are the Underways? Secret routes beneath the Drudge Wastes... maybe they can take you there too...

Total: 7000 exp

Enemies Neutralised:
- 3 robo-raptors (300 exp)
- 4 robo-chameleons (400 exp)
Total: 700 exp

OOC:
- Carter the Chronicler & Vanguard

- Kitty the Expedition Leader

- Tom the Paymaster & Chef

- Ollie the Quartermaster

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 7 Magic-User: 74793 (Level up at 144000)

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 51909 (Level up at 72000)

- James G / Tyler Lockheart, Level 6 Specialist: 38308 (Level up at 48000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 5 Languid Wastrel: 30278 (Level up at 36000)

- Tom / Odo Grumblebelch, Level 4 Dwarven Barbarian: 14174 (Level up at 16000)

Session 349 - Battle of the Sexists

Date: 25 July, 22 p.p.

Moon: First Quarter

Zenith: The Allfather

Events:

--- INT: Dungeon

- Somewhere under the mysterious pyramid on the edge of the Drudge Wastes, our heroes are sitting in a stone-walled bedroom eating leftovers from a tupperware.
- Odo Grumblebelch, a female dwarf though you wouldn't know it by looking at her, has found some dead rats under one of the beds. They've got green slime around the gums.
- Aximander, an elf of the Languid Wastrel species, has returned to a somewhat less eldritch form now that the New Moon has passed. Philipides Goath is using some of the healing magic he learned from his Cleric mentor to heal Sydney.

--- A Woman??

- They set off into the dungeon proper, seeing occasional dribbles of silvery ferrofluid trickle through the intricately patterned stonework.
- Avoiding a horrible sucking sound behind one door, they try another marked with a three-fingered handprint. Inside there's a whole rec-room full of malformed clay Dwarves! They look up in interest and see... a woman!
- Several rapidly rearrange their clay faces into more handsome shapes and approach Odo, who they can tell is a woman through cultural cues. They pretend to be real pure-blood dwarves!
- Odo lures one away with her feminine wiles, and the lucky lad is taken back to the bedroom. Odo's misandrist sword strikes true, but can't kill him! His flesh starts to reknit... or would have if a pyrokinetic blast from Aximander didn't immediately turn him into a flash-baked statue!
- Sydney and Jojo immediately ask to be taught that spell, and while they bicker Odo smashes the dead dwarf open to grab the gems within! Yes, it seems these clay dwarfs contain their own loot!

--- For Ur-Darghab!

- Odo heads back to hopefully kite out another clay dwarf... only to see that a pair of the proper giant golems have turned up and are laughing at their smaller brethren!
- They're too big to fell, so the party backtracks and tries another corridor. It's long, and they soon hear voices coming towards them! Green-toothed rats skitter by, ignoring the party, because they're being chased by dwarves!

- The Dwarves have pointed ratskin hoods and dead rats on their belts, and they are momentarily baffled by the arrival of others. Luckily several people already speak the Ur-Darghab dialect and find out the dwarves are hunting rats for food.
- Jojo offers an anaesthetised bat that she found... and the bat shrieks in fear as it awakens and attacks the lead dwarf!
- Aximander takes the front with the Bow of the Ram, firing off several shots at once, while everyone else but Sydney runs in to engage. These are real dwarves, not clay copies, so attacks are plinking off their chain armour.
- Philipides takes massive damage from a cruel war-pick strike but survives, and strikes back with real anger!

- Jojo is doing the real damage here, big swings from her great-axe biting into the muscled sides of the Dwarves. They begin to fall.
- Odo unsheathes her second blade - the Last Sword of a Conquered Tribe - and trisects the final Dwarf as Jojo rips the jaw from his cursing mouth.
- The party gather gems from the stomachs of the dead and leave them for the rats to feast on.

--- Work or Die
- The noise has clearly alerted the people in the next area - a high-ceilinged hall with pillars and a whole lot of spiderwebs at the end.
- Looking up from their rats on sticks being cooked over the smoky fire, complaining about the lack of real meat for tributes lately, are a motley band of six malformed clay dwarves! 
- Odo strolls in with the ol' "Hail friends!" and they immediately charge! Perhaps they've been warned about the dwarven seductress roaming these halls!
- One of the dwarves tips his hand by going on a misogynist rant about how real women stay in the breeding pens where they belong, and the battle begins in earnest.
- Sydney shoots one of them with a six-shooter and gets mobbed by the others, who are yelling "they've got a gun!"
- Jojo's lightning rune axe doesn't do extra damage because it earths in their earth bodies. Instead she flash-steps to Odo's side and blows half the clay out of one's body before Odo finishes it off by going for the head.
- Aximander spears the (most) misogynist Dwarf through the belly with his spear, knocking the gems clean out of him before he can heal.
- Philipides gambits to slice straight through a crumbling pillar! It collapses perfectly towards the centre of the room like a felled tree, squishing the two remaining Dwarves.
- They're not dead, just squished, but they surrender now that they're clearly not going anywhere! They bargain with the party - they'll mine through the nearby rubble in exchange for their lives.

--- Work it is!
- While the Dwarves dig through the rubble, the party decides to use this smoky fire for its intended purpose - cooking! With a nice mix of boar meat, lion meat, goblin vegetable-flesh, and a trickle of sweet milk from a cursed chalice, Sydney cooks "Milky Meat" aka "All That Walks". It's... palatable.
- Philipides chews it down, but the goblin meat is making his belly feel a bit funny... and is that a giggling sound?
- The Dwarves have finished mining now, and the area beyond is clearly Ur-Darghab architecture rather than the older carved stone of the pyramid. Cave crickets as big as a thumb are hopping out of the hole too. Odo licks her lips!

Totals: 6000 exp

Treasure:
- 7 rats tied by the tails (7 exp)

- 1100ob in dwarven corpse-gems (1100 exp)

Total: 1107 exp

Murders:

- A seduced clay dwarf (500 exp) 

- A small band of dwarven rat-catchers (225 exp)
- An incel gang of clay dwarves (3000 exp)
Total: 4725 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler & Treasurer

- George the Expedition Leader
- Tom the Vanguard

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 7 Magic-User: 73253 (Level up at 144000)
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 6 Muscle Wizard: 50369 (Level up at 72000)

- George / Phillipides Goath, Level 6 Fighter: 36369 (Level up at 64000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 5 Languid Wastrel: 28738 (Level up at 36000)

- Tom / Odo Grumblebelch, Level 4 Dwarven / Barbarian: 12634 (Level up at 16000)