Session 230 - Assault on Witch Hill

To the great surprise and horror of all, favourite character of everyone Adonis Barrett is dead! Exploded in a Gas Front after he went out in some risky weather. A terrible tragedy.

Also some others invade a necromancer's hill and kill a big dog or something.
But Barrett's dead! The horror!

Ollie send a picture of Perfect Form Zulu

Kink Ad displayed in the Burning Bush

Timothy gives us an insight into the Red Letter offices!

Maps:

Carter draws the map of the Witch Queen's lair

I finally draw up New Moondin

Session 230 - Assault on Witch Hill

Date:
14 years after the End.

December

Characters:

Salvage:
- Some charcoal
- 3 obols, 9 coins (4 exp)
- 16 rations of chicken (16 exp)
- 3 rations of topsy-turvy lily (3 exp)
- An enchanted scimitar
- Some venomous throwing needles
- Powdered green slime
Total: 23 exp

Murder:
- A three-headed talking undead dog (100 exp)
- A bunch of wolverine-clawed zombies (100 exp)
- Singular Thay (1000 exp)
Total: 1200 exp

Overland Exploration:

- Set Forage (50 exp)
- Explored one area (50 exp)
Total: 100 exp

Dungeon Exploration:
- First party to enter the Witch Queen’s Lair (300 exp)
- Explored several dungeon areas (100 exp)
Total: 400 exp

Events:

--- Barrett Ignores the Warning
- On his way out  of the basement under the Barber shop, Barrett makes a deal with the Lust Demon who’s been replacing people with sexy replicas of themselves. If he brings it back Pearl, or else brings ten other people, he’ll be able to take his imperfect original away.
- The demon, annoyed by all the chat, blows a kiss that deals psychic damage to Barrett! There is, perhaps, a distant cry of "beans on toast"... - As he's leaving the demon asks a last question - who is the person Barrett's most attracted to in the world? Barrett answers - himself. The last thing he sees as he drops the trapdoor is the demon shapeshifting into another Sexy Barrett to torment his original.
- Outside, it’s the Warning. The thunderous weather system that precedes a deadly Gas Front. Wide-winged birds drift overhead, briefly distracted by Barrett below before flying onwards across the sky. He drops his heavy shield and sprints out along the road, oblique to the Shell, hoping to get in before the Gas Front hits!

- It doesn’t work. His last view is a wave of curling omnipoison rushing towards him as the sun sets, transforming his entire being into more of the poison. Sexy Barrett is dead.
- Back in Kink the real original Barrett shudders and slumps forward, unconscious. The Lust Demon looks over, sees this, and mutters “well, fuck.”

--- November: Admin Adventures
- Andromeda, Grumpy and Pearl returned to New Moondin in early November with the head of Dr Hook in hand. He tells them everything they need to know to get to his base - it’s just a mile or so north-east of where he’d been ambushing people.
- The rest of the month is spent gathering rumours, checking up on business investments, and preparing for a wintry excursion in December to the lair of Dr Hook’s master. Grumpy is thrilled to discover his umbrella company - the Umbrella Corporation - has made bank!
- Andromeda tests out the limitations of her void-pet void-suit. Long range warps are possible at a cost. It’s easier to get a long reach than a long warp. The creature gets confused easily and doesn’t really understand matter like we do. An attempt to use it to breathe underwater ends strangely, but at least she sees some ratman tracks on the bank and finds some Topsy-Turvy Lily rations.
- Unfortunately the month’s rumours are either already known or since disproven. Red’s newspaper - the Red Letter - has some reporters who fact-check the “Army of the Dead is waiting outside the Shell to the West” rumour and find that it’s misleading!
- Assuming that the misleading part is that the Undead are in fact to the east, the decision is made to get some cold weather clothing together and travel out to the lair before things get any worse!

--- December Expedition Day 1: Journey to the Edge of the Shell
- It’s snowing as December starts - a light dusting that begins building into snowdrifts. The snow itself has a vinegar tang and they know that Gas Fronts never come in winter - it’s too cold.
- Andromeda experiments with her non-euclidean void pet a bit, eventually coaxing it into forming a cold weather suit for her. Convenient! Everyone else has to make do with heavy cold weather gear. At least it’s warm!
- They set off through the snow, following cairns north-east, trying to find the snow-covered path. Grumpy initially tries using his red hot glaive to melt the way, but it doesn’t do much.
- The days are short, and they reach the interior edge of the Shell as the sun begins to set. They decide to set up camp and Andromeda cooks the team a delicious meal she calls simply “A Hefty Meal”. Mushroom, low truffle, long potato, and beans combine to make a meal that lightens burdens! Perfect!
- Pearl seems to have recovered from her separation from Samuel and Kink. Recovered extremely well as a matter of fact, since she and Andromeda share a tent in a very fade-to-black sense.

--- Expedition Day 2: To the Lair!
- They set off at first light and travel straight towards the lair Dr Hook told them about. On the way they pass by the remains of a tentacle thrusting from the earth, the whole thing is completely carbonised. It’s practically charcoal.
- They continue through the snow and soon find exactly what they’re looking for. A hill that gradually rises from the earth before steeply dropping off. More excitingly - it’s got a giant skeleton crouching over the entrance! It’s not moving and its joints are bound by wire.
- They take some time to check the hill itself. When they climb to the top they reach a point just behind the giant’s head, and see a skeletal snake with a scroll-case in its belly wiggling down a hole!
- Andromeda smashes it easily - it’s a normal sized snake - and reads the message within. It’s from Dr Hook to Singular Thay, saying that New Moondin is weak and ready to experience their true majesty. How’d he write this with hooks for hands anyway?
- Discovering that the hole isn’t big enough to go down unless you’re a Ratman or something, they go down to the main entrance anyway.
- The weather turns to Thundersnow and hail begins to pour down, so they avoid it by just going inside. They go beneath the bone giant’s hips and through an arch, going up a slope until they reach a door with a ribcage design and a doorknocker shaped like a human heart.

--- The Cerberus
- They knock, and a huge dog’s head pushes the doors ajar from within. The head is rotting and white fire burns in its eyes. In a snarling voice it growls - “What’s the password?”
- Red tries “Good doggy!” and the door slams open! The dog has two other heads, both of which vomit something horrible and acidic onto Red! The others try some passwords, which also fail, and battle is joined!
- Pearl backflips, extending her wings and charging her arm-cannons! The very Iron Man-esque light on her chest glows a cold blue. Andromeda smashes at its head with her hammer, and Red manages to rip a head off completely!
- They batter it down, Andromeda taking some heavy bites from the centre head and Red ripping off another, until Pearl yells at them from above - “Get back! I don’t wanna hit y’all!”
- They step back and watch as Pearl eviscerates the weakened dog under a barrage of angel beams! The undead cerberus slumps, leaking acid, as Pearl lands to high fives and congratulations. Good work Pearl!
- They look around in case there’s anything of value and find some obols, a few coins, and some lard. Somehow it’s the lard that seems most exciting. It’s edible!
- They also find the Cerberus corpse is basically suspended from the ceiling by chains. Andromeda swings it experimentally and finds it swings very well!

--- Suspicious People
- There’s one way through - a door with a hip design. They can hear people weeping on the other side. Grumpy knocks and says he’s here to save them, but they don’t believe him because they think it’s one of Dr Hook’s tricks!
- Hoping to win favour, one of the people inside bursts out the door and says he’s here to save Dr Hook! On discovering that there is an actual group here to save them, he rips out his own throat. Better that than get murdered by the others for selling out to the enemy.
- Inside are blood troughs and some wide stairs upwards to a bigger room. The prisoners are being drained of blood by the wrists, evidently the guy who just killed himself was keeping them bleeding on Dr Hook’s orders. Total quisling.

--- Claws!
- There’s not much time to relax though, since wolverine-clawed undead leap down from above! Andromeda takes out a couple with the dead dog battering ram and calls forth a Storm Shell miracle! The monsters are zapped as they pass through the barrier, and Grumpy uses his superheated glaive to start freeing the prisoners from their chains.
- Pearl is shocked to see a Lust Demon - a quadruped varmint - jumping down from above too! She blasts at it with her cannons, vaporising it, and questions why nobody told her the demons were here?! She blasts forward on her angel wings, flying deeper into the dungeon to solo the boss. They hear her screaming deeper in, clearly having some sort of epic battle.
- Andromeda tries to non-euclidean warp through her own storm shell, and finds herself at the top of the stairs without her creature! It’s dripping off the inside of the shield, electrocuted. - Grumpy scoops it up and tries to think it back into shape. It doesn't really like him though, and keeps "jokingly" removing the skin from his hand and putting it back.

- Grumpy frees a few of the prisoners, and shows them how to free their fellows. They start freeing each other and Grumpy steps into a defensive position.
- Andromeda drops the storm shell to let others run up the stairs as the first wave of monsters falls. She takes a bunch of hits from the creatures’ raking claws, sustaining a rugged scar across a cheek!

- In the main hall there’s a massive human skull made from chicken skulls. Many many chickens, hung upside down and beheaded, drain their blood into long troughs. Gnarly.
- Sian somehow manipulates Algor Mortis to destroy a clawed monster before letting loose with her sling, Red steps forward to interpose. Overhead they notice arrow slits with eyes peering down at them, bows aiming downwards into the main room!
- Red parries and counters multiple claw-zombies and their morale breaks! The creatures flee, and the bowmen overhead let loose! Andromeda’s hotbox helm is destroyed, and they run up the stairs into the next area and out of sight.

--- Pearl Triumphant
- They find themselves in a clear boss fight area. Processed human bits are sorted in vats. There’s no sign of the clawed creatures who fled.
- Double doors smash open to show Pearl in some sort of Quick-Time Event with Singular Thay! Pearl blasts backwards, firing over and over with her beam cannons, while Singular Thay tries to destroy her. It’s a whole thing.
- Singular Thay is blasted to bits under a beam barrage! Pearl is jubilant! Andromeda is besotted anew.

--- Exeunt
- They peek into the other rooms and find them incredibly generic grey cubes. Grumpy suspects that Pearl is pulling another reality into this one somehow.
- They search the boss room and find a small hole in the ceiling - probably where the snake would have come in. They also find some treasure in the boss room - a magic scimitar, envenomed throwing needles, and some weaponised green slime powder.
- They walk out through the mysteriously quiet dungeon. No arrows rain down from the slits, and there’s still no sign of the clawed wolverine-types. The prisoners are grateful, and they head out of the dungeon and back towards the Shell.
- There’s one weird thing - the giant bone skeleton out the front of the hill is gone! They make haste through the thundersnow back to the Shell, and if they look back it almost looks like the bone giant is crouching atop the hill itself…

Total: 2350 exp

Team Bonus:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus
- Antagonist Annihilator bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Holy bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Rumour Investigator bonus
- SpoOoOoky bonus
- Tactical Fighting bonus
Total: 850 exp

Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Tim / Red - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (Tom / Barrett & Tim / Red - 100 exp ea.)
- Triage (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Chef (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Tom, Kitty, Timothy - 500 exp ea.)
- Chippo Champion bonus (Carter*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Ollie, Carter, Timothy - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Carter - 100 exp)

Injuries: - Andromeda has a badass scar over her eye from a vicious claw attack. Death Toll: - The perfect version of Adonis Barrett, exploded into omnipoison by a Gas Front.

Experience Totals: - Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric: 31631 (Level up at 56000) - Tim / Red, Level 5 Fighter: 27431 (Level up at 32000) - Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 4 Grudgesmith Dwarf: 12088 (Level up at 17600) - James G / Siân, Level 4 Necromancer: 10466 (Level up at 18000) - Tom / Tom's Next Character: 1505

Session 229 - Fear and Self-Loathing

A split session that results in the secrets of Kink being revealed, and yet another regenerating serial killer in the hills being abducted then destroyed!

I'd say it went rather well.

Also welcome to newcomer Jennifer who is playing a Fighter raised by falcons! Honestly this is one of the less weird character backstories, which tells you a lot about the game really...

Maps:

An Article from the Red Letter:

SENT by VENUS

New Moondin heartthrob Adonis Barrett has traded hectic streets for primal living in Kink. Celeb writer Chastitie Bellecheeks explores his revolutionary lifestyle in an exclusive interview.

Wearing nothing but a simple beaver fur throw, codpiece-less leather hose and chapped boots, Adonis Barrett reclines unashamedly on a hand-crafted recliner in an abandoned Kink artisannerie. "When you're out in the wilds, you're in tune with your real self," says the 6'2 pirate-turned-sex symbol, who recently celebrated his 24th birthday with an intimate gathering in a shabby-chic reclaimed church with a few close amours. "Sex, locally-sourced vegan food, sex – just the basic elements of life. It’s like permanent rehab."

It’s now a month since the self-styled Bewitching Pirate of Kink moved to his new digs, uprooting the lifestyle paradigm in Moondin’s growing yup-pirate community. Situated just beyond the storm shell, off the map Kink has become a destination of desire for many a Moondiner seeking detox living. 

"New Moondin is so yesterday," Barrett says, effortlessly twirling a daemoncarved ornamental mahogany six-shooter accessory with a sleight-of-hand of four. "Where last year's season was rebuilding the infrastructures of society, now it's all about letting nature take hold. We’re starting a revolution here.”

Taking my hand, Barrett shows me around the well-preserved walled town, whose streets ooze post-apoc pioneer charm. Kink offers a host of affordable, back-to-basics nests for the considerate gentrifier, whilst retaining the necessities of early-modern living including a luxury barber, stonecarver and sex dungeon.

Of course, the sex appeal is part of this move back to nature, and Kink offers freedom that the Snelsman-oppressed streets of New Moondin simply can’t provide. After a tour of the town we retreat to a log cabin lined with nouveau-naïve tapestries where we make passionate love, or “liberation” as Barrett calls it.

Mid-coitus, Barrett outlines his typical day, which starts with a high-nutrient shake, before exploring the town’s charming annihilated ruins for relics to compliment his fashion. “Out in the wilds I’m no longer bound by shoot schedules, so I can focus my energies on what outfit to wear, or what rune effect best compliments my look,” he adds, as we simultaneously climax.

As the interview comes to a close, I find myself feeling better about myself and my body image, and a near-irresistable urge to return to this zero-footprint lifestyle in the future. I ask Barrett whether the lifestyle has changed him. “Obviously, I’m constantly evolving, but I think the Kink lifestyle definitely changes you in ways otherwise impossible elsewhere. Sometimes I think about a return to normality, but why do that when you can be the sexiest pirate ever?”

"I guess I’m my own worst enemy.”

Chastitie Bellecheeks is author of Knowing Me, Knowing Dan, an Intergalacticist biography of Dustin Johnson

Session 229 - Fear and Self-Loathing

Date:
14 years after the End.

October-November

Characters:

New Characters:
- Siouxsie, a Fighter raised by falcons until one of them scratched out her eye. She’s conveniently been living in the Mourning Wood ever since, at least until somebody turned the whole forest to stone.

Character Backstories:
- Barrett: Very soon after he finally became the leader of the Witch-Pirate of Guernsey’s fleet, on his birthday, he was given the “gift” of a mutiny. What a terrible birthday party! On October 4th in and out of game, and on your actual birthday, an NPC of your choice shows up.

- Zulu: Now that they’re both beautiful people, Zulu idolises Barrett. He’s clearly playing hard to get. When Barrett succeeds at a roll, you get +1 to doing the same thing.

- Grumpy: Grumpy’s father was an angry alcoholic, even by the standards of Dwarf alcoholism. It all came to a head when his dad found out that he, a stone-born Dwarf son, was having it off with a real Dwarf woman. +1 Dexterity.

- Andromeda: Before the apocalypse, Andromeda was travelling with a mob of her paradox clones when she broke a draconic taboo and lost her wings! She told the others to go on without her and walked. While fleeing, you can lose your movement to grant your Flee roll to another.

Salvage:
- 3300 obols-worth of clean grain (3300 exp)
- The real Zulu in a depressive state
Total: 3300 exp

Murder:
- A hook-handed murderer called Dr Hook (100 exp)
- 13 skellingtons (325 exp)
Total: 425 exp

Overland Exploration:
- Set Forage - Ferfect Chicken (50 exp)
Total: 50 exp

Events:

--- Expedition Day 3 - Team Hunky Buddies: Barrett & Zulu Settle Down
- Sunrise over the ruined town of Kink. The hyper-charismatic Pirate Adonis Barrett and the beautiful, imperious alt-African princess Zulu Snakebite ride through the gate on the back of a huge antelope. Its hooves clop over the cobbles.
- Hidden beneath Barrett’s duster are the pair of six-shooters he stole from Pearl, the gunslinger who they found living in this town. Zulu has Pearl’s other armament - a lever-action rifle. She cracks the barrel to see she’s got 15 bullets left. More than enough to protect them from any demons they find, she hopes.
- Their general sense of unease at being out of Kink abates. Something ties them to the town where they became beautiful and saw their old selves melt away in the rain.
- They dismount and swagger through the streets, calling out for Samuel. He’s Pearl’s handsome lover, and definitely tied up in their present weirdness. Running theory is that they’ve all caught “damselitis” from being in this town, and maybe he’ll know how to fix it.
- They soon come across Samuel, who heard their cries. He asks after Pearl, and is horrified when Barrett tells him that Pearl got taken by demons! She left the guns so that they could go save her.
- When they ask him for more detail about the demon that gave him damselitis, he tells them that it was a big black-masked lust demon brute who’d stole a priest’s robes to desecrate them. Samuel, then a glorious warrior, had leapt from the church roof onto its back and stabbed it to death. With its dying breath it cursed him with damselitis, and his warrior skills have been lost ever since.
- Suddenly there is a loud growling moaning sound from the east! The lust demons are attacking again, as they do every day! Samuel tells them to get to cover and runs away, and both Zulu and Barrett shoot at him! They completely miss though, the damselitis is getting to them!

--- Seducing the Lust Demons
- Pounding down the streets towards them are swarms of black imps and two towering 8’ tall behemoths with black masks and whips!

- Barrett is quickly wrapped up by the whips of one of the big demons, easily taken down, while the other goes for Zulu. It all seems over until Barrett lathers his one up with a thousand thousand compliments! Absolutely gobsmacked and kind of won over, the demons just… stop attacking.
- They end up spending the rest of the month in Kink, unable to leave due to whatever’s holding them here and constantly chaperoned by the Lust Demons. No more demons attack, strangely, and they see no sign of Samuel as they explore the ruins.

--- Expedition Day 3 - Team Bunker Buddies: Return to New Moondin
- In the camp in the stone forest where they spent the night, Grumpy is explaining to everyone that he’s going to have to run back to town to find a way around his “cock block” issue. Hopefully the demons back home will have some sort of cure! To his surprise everyone’s down for returning to New Moondin. If Barrett and Zulu want to split the party, that’s on them!
- They decamp and head back to the wagon, making sure that their consignment of grain is safe. It’ll take a lot of work to sort rotten grain from clean, but what’s there is bound to be valuable.
- As they prepare to leave, to everyone’s surprise, a new person shows up from the forest! Wasn’t everything in here meant to be dead!? Her name is Siouxsie, pronounced Susie, and she’s down for joining the party to make some cash.
- They get back to the wagon and hitch it up as fat grey clouds roll overhead and a bitter wind starts blowing. There’s an eye-stinging scent of bleach mixed with the scent of impending rain. Acid Rain for sure. They rig up the sails as a protective cover - nobody wants their gear to be eaten away!
- They roll off down the road and the rain pounds down. Dustin Johnson’s eyes light up when he spots something moving into cover off the road - it’s THREE chickens! Ferfect Chickens, covered in fluffy feathers! He scoops them up and they happily sit in the wagon under the canopy, pecking away at the massive pile of grain.

- The acid rain eats through the sail over the next few hours, so Andromeda rigs up her huge tent to be a new canopy. It holds as they rumble through the winding valley road towards the crackling Storm Shell, rolling through the static fuzz of the barrier itself. The rain’s acidity is negated by the Shell, but the tent will still need some minor repairs.
- Some time after noon they reach the broken bridge across the gorge. This time Dustin’s ready, and with a combination of Abduct and some ropes they pull the wagon across the bridge. All good!

--- Grumpy Takes a Piss
- As soon as the wagon pulls up in New Moondin, Grumpy jumps off the cart and runs. Red follows behind, laughing and mocking. The others drop off the grain at the Goblin Bank and get them to sort it for them. It will later turn out that there was 3300 obols-worth of good grain amongst the trash!
- At Julgoor’s shop, Grumpy fills the Greed Demon in on his sensitive issue. After some haggling and worrying, Julgoor finds a solution - pay! For the low low price of an obol a day, Grumpy will be able to unlock the use of his bits. There’s a coin slot on the top and everything.

- Grumpy sprints to the staff toilet and relieves himself over the course of several 10 minute Turns. Phew!
- The party decide to rest up for the rest of the month. October’s travels have really taken a toll, and this way they can listen around for rumours in town!

--- Admin Adventures
- The acid rain and melancholy mists of the post-apocalyptic autumn have taken their toll, and during their weeks resting up and looking after their mental health several people make sure to get some crucial admin done.
- Red donates some startup cash to form a publishing house - the Red Letter - who will publish scandalous celebrity goss and poorly editorialised accounts of the Bunker Buddies’ adventures. She also receives a letter from Sir Robyn confirming that yep, he’s definitely dead. His tower near Despond is all hers, and it’s full of his riches!
- Grumpy sets up a literal umbrella company - they sell umbrellas with varying resistances to acid rain. DJ adds a chicken shop to his mining business - comfort food is exactly what you need after a long day in the mines.

- Also during this month, the party hear many rumours from the local area. Key among them is a rumour that the skeletons preying on pilgrims in the hills are back! With newcomer Siouxsie raring for a fight, they decide that November’s expedition will be a return to the hills near the Saviourbone Mine.

--- November - Team Hunky Buddies: Sweet Christmas

- After a few weeks of wandering around town, getting followed around by Lust Demons, and growing increasingly suspicious of their canned replies, Zulu and Barrett have more or less cased the town. They haven’t seen Samuel for ages.
- As the days dragged on into weeks, the Lust Demons got increasingly lower quality. They don’t seem to appear if you look at them from the corner of your eye, only popping in when you look straight at them, and they keep repeating the same lines.
- Now, as November rolls on and the weather stays strangely neutral, they lock themselves in the church and make sex noises from the belltower in the hopes of luring him out. It doesn’t work.
- Handily, Barrett recently got a backstory that means an NPC of his choice turns up! Out from the sky, apropos of nothing, Lulu Claus arrives driving a sleigh pulled by reindeer! Say whaaaat?!

- She grants them presents - copies of the six-shooters and lever-action rifle - and tells them to look beneath the Barber to find what they seek! Then she rides off, jingling all the way.

--- Look After Yourself
- They go to the Barber shop and hear what sound like dogs barking human words. It is creepy until someone mentions Scooby-Doo. They also find drag marks on the floor! The drag marks shimmer and fade in their vision, but nevertheless when they move it aside they find a trapdoor!
- Zulu scratched “trapdoor under barber” into the arm in case of shenanigans and they descend stealthily. Barrett slips in first, Zulu follows his lead. At the bottom of the ladder they land softly and look around the room. Dogs are chained to the walls, and a plump child-height figure like the Venus of Willendorf sits at a desk, writing.
- A dog notices Barrett and starts whining that Barrett is him! It’s obvious that these dogs are their originals, somehow disguised. The figure at the desk turns at the noise, revealing a lustful black mask for a face. A Lust Demon!
- The Lust Demon tries to trick Barrett into thinking she’s Samuel for a while before just dropping all the trickery. The dogs become people chained to the wall. Zulu, Barrett and Pearl's originals are among them. They’re all horrifyingly depressed, imperfect originals, and if a perfect form goes too far from their original they start to lose the will to live.
- A moral quandary - if you knew that you were an idealised copy of a person, and that in order to live you had to keep the real you close by in an extreme depressive state, would you make them suffer in order to allow yourself to live? Would you force your own original self to live in misery in order to live as a fantasy copy of them?
- Neither Barrett nor Zulu give this quandary a second glance. Of course they’d fuck themselves over! Being beautiful is awesome! They’re already referring to the real versions as “dogs”.

- Zulu grabs her dog and absconds! The illusion doesn’t seem to affect touch, since she can feel real human limbs under her hands. She climbs up and away while Barrett talks to the demon, finds her way to her antelope steed, and gallops off. Convenient exit!

- Barrett makes a deal with the Lust Demon. He’ll bring Pearl back, and in exchange the Lust Demon will give him back his original self. Chained to the wall, the real Barrett weeps as he sees the idealised replica of himself matter-of-factly consign him to a lifetime of tortured misery.

- Barrett climbs the ladder and back out into Kink, kicking dirt off the ladder onto the face of his original sobbing below. Today is a good day!

--- November - Team Bunker Buddies: Skeleton Hunt
- Much recovered from October’s expedition, the Bunker Buddies prepare to head out into the hills south of the Saviourbone Mine - the great bone dragon skeleton that is the remains of POWERLAD.
- November opens to the Warning - a cloudy sky flickering with cloud-to-cloud lightning and an omnipresent light rain. The Warning usually portends a deadly Gas Front, but the Gas Front never comes. A few days later the Warning abates and they set out into the rain in the late afternoon.
- By early evening they’re heading off the road towards where they fought some skeletons back in the Spring. They’re loudly stating that they have so many pilgrims in their wagon and it’s getting late so they totally have to make camp and definitely won’t need to set a watch,

- As back then, they see a lantern in the hills. Red goes forward alone while Grumpy leads the others in the darkness to hide their numbers. As they approach the lantern falls to the ground in a suspiciously ambushy location.

- Despite being ready for an attack, Red doesn’t see the hook-handed villain appear behind her! He monologues, giggling, then crits her in the stomach! He laughs uproariously as she staggers backwards, and figures approach to finish the job!

--- Skeleton Attack!
- Andromeda bursts forward and calls forth a Storm Shell. Red and the villainous Dr Hook are within, the reinforcements trapped outside! Dr Hook leaps out through the barrier, getting zapped for his trouble, and starts leading his troops from the rear!

- In the light, the reinforcements are shown to be skeletons with loose skin draped over them, armed with rusty swords. The skin slips around as they walk, a horrifying cured armour.
- Beams and arrows lance out from inside the Storm Shell. Targeting Dr Hook himself is ineffective since he’s hiding behind all those skeletons… at least until DJ casts Abduct on him and sends him floating into the air!

- Grumpy was caught outside the Storm Shell and starts striking the skeletons with his glaive. It’s ineffective due to skeleton got-to-use-smashy-weapons bullshit, so he tries to stab the polearm through one and use it to smash the others. It half works, and he loses his grip on the glaive.
- Red aims and fires at the floating Dr Hook, blasting his head off! Not so easy to hide behind your minions when you’re 20’ in the air!

- Andromeda drops the Storm Shell and the others run out to wipe out the skeleton horde. Grumpy’s been surrounded for a little while and taken some licks, so she gets in position and uses Sacrifice. Energy arcs between them, healing Grumpy and destroying a bunch of skeletons!
- Siouxsie abandons her sword and starts punching skeletons in the head. It’s not particularly effective. DJ continues to fail to hit anything with his ball-peen hammer, even though it's the perfect weapon for smashing skeletons.

- Andromeda suddenly remembers that Pearl is here! Just in time for her to look back and see the gunslinger spread wide angel-tech wings and rise slowly into the air. Long beam rifles emerge from her sleeves, ratcheting forward to aim at the skeletons. Andromeda’s crush on her grows!
- Grumpy takes advantage of the skeletons’ last orders - “kill that dwarf!” - to kite the skeletons! The others form a line and whale on the skeletons as they run through. Siouxsie smashes one in the eye and smashes another’s groin before Andromeda uses Sacrifice again to destroy the rest.

- Pearl, still charging her lasers, looks disappointed that she didn’t get to blow the skeletons to smithereens with her ridiculously cool angel-tech exosuit.

--- Interrogations
- With the enemies defeated, Andromeda and Grumpy crowd around Pearl to ask her where the hell she got that thing! The wings and guns fold back in, and Pearl tells them that she got a blacksmith to make it for her in their weeks off!
- Red meanwhile has found the head of Dr Hook and begins blowing up its windpipe, like she did with Gatsby. He tells her that he serves the Witch Queen who has a base just outside the Shell, that she’s svelte, and has a head like an egg. Despite describing her as “extremely female”, those in the know theorise that this must be Singular Thay.

--- Back in town: Zulu Returns!
- After a hard day’s ride with her depressed self lashed to the antelope in front of her, Zulu reaches New Moondin. Her original is no longer a dog, just clearly her with crippling self-esteem issues and deep all-encompassing depression.
- Zulu drags her original into her obnoxiously racist African-themed pub and chats to the blackface-wearing bartender. She says that her original is her sister and puts her up in the Shaman Suite.

--- Kink: Barrett Sets Off
- Barrett leaves his original behind in the care of the Lust Demon and sets off back to New Moondin. He’s got just over a week to travel to New Moondin, get Pearl, and bring her back to Kink before the Wisdom damage kills him. Should be simple… right?

Total: 3000 exp

Team Bonus:
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Classic Charles bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus

- Dramatic Escape bonus
- Fame bonus
- Holy bonus
- Leave a Man Behind bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus
- Rumour Investigator bonus
- Split the Party bonus
- SpoOoOoky bonus
- Tactical Fighting bonus
Total: 900 exp

Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / DJ - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Zulu - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (Tom / Barrett - 100 exp)
- Triage (Timothy / Red - 100 exp)
- Chef (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Charles, Timothy, Kitty - 500 exp ea.)
- Chippo Champion bonus (Carter*2, Tom*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Carter, Timothy, Charles, Tom, Ollie - 100 exp ea.) - Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Character Sheet Creator bonus (Tom - 500 exp)

Experience Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric: 29926 (Level up at 56000)

- Tom / Adonis Barrett, Level 6 Specialist: 26649 (Level up at 48000)

- Tim / Red, Level 5 Fighter: 25726 (Level up at 32000)

- Ollie / Zulu Snakebite, Level 5 Barbarian: 21532 (Level up at 32000)

- Charles / Dustin Johnson, Level 5 Intergalacticist Cleric: 21281 (Level up at 28000)

- Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 4 Grudgesmith Dwarf: 10483 (Level up at 17600)

- James G / Siân, Level 4 Necromancer: 9561 (Level up at 18000) Level up: +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! +Backstory!

- Jennifer / Siouxsie, Level 1 Fighter: 960 (Level up at 2000)