Also some others invade a necromancer's hill and kill a big dog or something.
But Barrett's dead! The horror!
Characters:
Dungeon Exploration:
- First party to enter the Witch Queen’s Lair (300 exp)
- Explored several dungeon areas (100 exp)
Total: 400 exp
- It doesn’t work. His last view is a wave of curling omnipoison rushing towards him as the sun sets, transforming his entire being into more of the poison. Sexy Barrett is dead.
- Back in Kink the real original Barrett shudders and slumps forward, unconscious. The Lust Demon looks over, sees this, and mutters “well, fuck.”
- Grumpy frees a few of the prisoners, and shows them how to free their fellows. They start freeing each other and Grumpy steps into a defensive position.
- Andromeda drops the storm shell to let others run up the stairs as the first wave of monsters falls. She takes a bunch of hits from the creatures’ raking claws, sustaining a rugged scar across a cheek!
Total: 2350 exp
Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Tim / Red - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (Tom / Barrett & Tim / Red - 100 exp ea.)
- Triage (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Chef (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Tom, Kitty, Timothy - 500 exp ea.)
- Chippo Champion bonus (Carter*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Ollie, Carter, Timothy - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Carter - 100 exp)
Injuries: - Andromeda has a badass scar over her eye from a vicious claw attack. Death Toll: - The perfect version of Adonis Barrett, exploded into omnipoison by a Gas Front.
Experience Totals: - Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric: 31631 (Level up at 56000) - Tim / Red, Level 5 Fighter: 27431 (Level up at 32000) - Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 4 Grudgesmith Dwarf: 12088 (Level up at 17600) - James G / Siân, Level 4 Necromancer: 10466 (Level up at 18000) - Tom / Tom's Next Character: 1505
But Barrett's dead! The horror!
 |
| Ollie send a picture of Perfect Form Zulu |
 |
| Kink Ad displayed in the Burning Bush |
 |
| Timothy gives us an insight into the Red Letter offices! |
Maps:
 |
| Carter draws the map of the Witch Queen's lair |
 |
| I finally draw up New Moondin |
Session 230 - Assault on Witch Hill
Date:
14 years after the End.
14 years after the End.
December
Characters:
Salvage:
- Some charcoal
- 3 obols, 9 coins (4 exp)
- 16 rations of chicken (16 exp)
- 3 rations of topsy-turvy lily (3 exp)
- An enchanted scimitar
- Some venomous throwing needles
- Powdered green slime
Total: 23 exp
- Some charcoal
- 3 obols, 9 coins (4 exp)
- 16 rations of chicken (16 exp)
- 3 rations of topsy-turvy lily (3 exp)
- An enchanted scimitar
- Some venomous throwing needles
- Powdered green slime
Total: 23 exp
Murder:
- A three-headed talking undead dog (100 exp)
- A bunch of wolverine-clawed zombies (100 exp)
- Singular Thay (1000 exp)
Total: 1200 exp
- A three-headed talking undead dog (100 exp)
- A bunch of wolverine-clawed zombies (100 exp)
- Singular Thay (1000 exp)
Total: 1200 exp
Overland Exploration:
- Set Forage (50 exp)
- Explored one area (50 exp)
Total: 100 exp
- Explored one area (50 exp)
Total: 100 exp
Dungeon Exploration:
- First party to enter the Witch Queen’s Lair (300 exp)
- Explored several dungeon areas (100 exp)
Total: 400 exp
Events:
--- Barrett Ignores the Warning
- On his way out of the basement under the Barber shop, Barrett makes a deal with the Lust Demon who’s been replacing people with sexy replicas of themselves. If he brings it back Pearl, or else brings ten other people, he’ll be able to take his imperfect original away.
- The demon, annoyed by all the chat, blows a kiss that deals psychic damage to Barrett! There is, perhaps, a distant cry of "beans on toast"... - As he's leaving the demon asks a last question - who is the person Barrett's most attracted to in the world? Barrett answers - himself. The last thing he sees as he drops the trapdoor is the demon shapeshifting into another Sexy Barrett to torment his original.
- Outside, it’s the Warning. The thunderous weather system that precedes a deadly Gas Front. Wide-winged birds drift overhead, briefly distracted by Barrett below before flying onwards across the sky. He drops his heavy shield and sprints out along the road, oblique to the Shell, hoping to get in before the Gas Front hits!
- On his way out of the basement under the Barber shop, Barrett makes a deal with the Lust Demon who’s been replacing people with sexy replicas of themselves. If he brings it back Pearl, or else brings ten other people, he’ll be able to take his imperfect original away.
- The demon, annoyed by all the chat, blows a kiss that deals psychic damage to Barrett! There is, perhaps, a distant cry of "beans on toast"... - As he's leaving the demon asks a last question - who is the person Barrett's most attracted to in the world? Barrett answers - himself. The last thing he sees as he drops the trapdoor is the demon shapeshifting into another Sexy Barrett to torment his original.
- Outside, it’s the Warning. The thunderous weather system that precedes a deadly Gas Front. Wide-winged birds drift overhead, briefly distracted by Barrett below before flying onwards across the sky. He drops his heavy shield and sprints out along the road, oblique to the Shell, hoping to get in before the Gas Front hits!
- It doesn’t work. His last view is a wave of curling omnipoison rushing towards him as the sun sets, transforming his entire being into more of the poison. Sexy Barrett is dead.
- Back in Kink the real original Barrett shudders and slumps forward, unconscious. The Lust Demon looks over, sees this, and mutters “well, fuck.”
--- November: Admin Adventures
- Andromeda, Grumpy and Pearl returned to New Moondin in early November with the head of Dr Hook in hand. He tells them everything they need to know to get to his base - it’s just a mile or so north-east of where he’d been ambushing people.
- The rest of the month is spent gathering rumours, checking up on business investments, and preparing for a wintry excursion in December to the lair of Dr Hook’s master. Grumpy is thrilled to discover his umbrella company - the Umbrella Corporation - has made bank!
- Andromeda tests out the limitations of her void-pet void-suit. Long range warps are possible at a cost. It’s easier to get a long reach than a long warp. The creature gets confused easily and doesn’t really understand matter like we do. An attempt to use it to breathe underwater ends strangely, but at least she sees some ratman tracks on the bank and finds some Topsy-Turvy Lily rations.
- Unfortunately the month’s rumours are either already known or since disproven. Red’s newspaper - the Red Letter - has some reporters who fact-check the “Army of the Dead is waiting outside the Shell to the West” rumour and find that it’s misleading!
- Assuming that the misleading part is that the Undead are in fact to the east, the decision is made to get some cold weather clothing together and travel out to the lair before things get any worse!
--- December Expedition Day 1: Journey to the Edge of the Shell
- It’s snowing as December starts - a light dusting that begins building into snowdrifts. The snow itself has a vinegar tang and they know that Gas Fronts never come in winter - it’s too cold.
- Andromeda experiments with her non-euclidean void pet a bit, eventually coaxing it into forming a cold weather suit for her. Convenient! Everyone else has to make do with heavy cold weather gear. At least it’s warm!
- They set off through the snow, following cairns north-east, trying to find the snow-covered path. Grumpy initially tries using his red hot glaive to melt the way, but it doesn’t do much.
- The days are short, and they reach the interior edge of the Shell as the sun begins to set. They decide to set up camp and Andromeda cooks the team a delicious meal she calls simply “A Hefty Meal”. Mushroom, low truffle, long potato, and beans combine to make a meal that lightens burdens! Perfect!
- Pearl seems to have recovered from her separation from Samuel and Kink. Recovered extremely well as a matter of fact, since she and Andromeda share a tent in a very fade-to-black sense.
- Andromeda, Grumpy and Pearl returned to New Moondin in early November with the head of Dr Hook in hand. He tells them everything they need to know to get to his base - it’s just a mile or so north-east of where he’d been ambushing people.
- The rest of the month is spent gathering rumours, checking up on business investments, and preparing for a wintry excursion in December to the lair of Dr Hook’s master. Grumpy is thrilled to discover his umbrella company - the Umbrella Corporation - has made bank!
- Andromeda tests out the limitations of her void-pet void-suit. Long range warps are possible at a cost. It’s easier to get a long reach than a long warp. The creature gets confused easily and doesn’t really understand matter like we do. An attempt to use it to breathe underwater ends strangely, but at least she sees some ratman tracks on the bank and finds some Topsy-Turvy Lily rations.
- Unfortunately the month’s rumours are either already known or since disproven. Red’s newspaper - the Red Letter - has some reporters who fact-check the “Army of the Dead is waiting outside the Shell to the West” rumour and find that it’s misleading!
- Assuming that the misleading part is that the Undead are in fact to the east, the decision is made to get some cold weather clothing together and travel out to the lair before things get any worse!
--- December Expedition Day 1: Journey to the Edge of the Shell
- It’s snowing as December starts - a light dusting that begins building into snowdrifts. The snow itself has a vinegar tang and they know that Gas Fronts never come in winter - it’s too cold.
- Andromeda experiments with her non-euclidean void pet a bit, eventually coaxing it into forming a cold weather suit for her. Convenient! Everyone else has to make do with heavy cold weather gear. At least it’s warm!
- They set off through the snow, following cairns north-east, trying to find the snow-covered path. Grumpy initially tries using his red hot glaive to melt the way, but it doesn’t do much.
- The days are short, and they reach the interior edge of the Shell as the sun begins to set. They decide to set up camp and Andromeda cooks the team a delicious meal she calls simply “A Hefty Meal”. Mushroom, low truffle, long potato, and beans combine to make a meal that lightens burdens! Perfect!
- Pearl seems to have recovered from her separation from Samuel and Kink. Recovered extremely well as a matter of fact, since she and Andromeda share a tent in a very fade-to-black sense.
--- Expedition Day 2: To the Lair!
- They set off at first light and travel straight towards the lair Dr Hook told them about. On the way they pass by the remains of a tentacle thrusting from the earth, the whole thing is completely carbonised. It’s practically charcoal.
- They continue through the snow and soon find exactly what they’re looking for. A hill that gradually rises from the earth before steeply dropping off. More excitingly - it’s got a giant skeleton crouching over the entrance! It’s not moving and its joints are bound by wire.
- They take some time to check the hill itself. When they climb to the top they reach a point just behind the giant’s head, and see a skeletal snake with a scroll-case in its belly wiggling down a hole!
- Andromeda smashes it easily - it’s a normal sized snake - and reads the message within. It’s from Dr Hook to Singular Thay, saying that New Moondin is weak and ready to experience their true majesty. How’d he write this with hooks for hands anyway?
- Discovering that the hole isn’t big enough to go down unless you’re a Ratman or something, they go down to the main entrance anyway.
- The weather turns to Thundersnow and hail begins to pour down, so they avoid it by just going inside. They go beneath the bone giant’s hips and through an arch, going up a slope until they reach a door with a ribcage design and a doorknocker shaped like a human heart.
--- The Cerberus
- They knock, and a huge dog’s head pushes the doors ajar from within. The head is rotting and white fire burns in its eyes. In a snarling voice it growls - “What’s the password?”
- Red tries “Good doggy!” and the door slams open! The dog has two other heads, both of which vomit something horrible and acidic onto Red! The others try some passwords, which also fail, and battle is joined!
- Pearl backflips, extending her wings and charging her arm-cannons! The very Iron Man-esque light on her chest glows a cold blue. Andromeda smashes at its head with her hammer, and Red manages to rip a head off completely!
- They batter it down, Andromeda taking some heavy bites from the centre head and Red ripping off another, until Pearl yells at them from above - “Get back! I don’t wanna hit y’all!”
- They step back and watch as Pearl eviscerates the weakened dog under a barrage of angel beams! The undead cerberus slumps, leaking acid, as Pearl lands to high fives and congratulations. Good work Pearl!
- They look around in case there’s anything of value and find some obols, a few coins, and some lard. Somehow it’s the lard that seems most exciting. It’s edible!
- They also find the Cerberus corpse is basically suspended from the ceiling by chains. Andromeda swings it experimentally and finds it swings very well!
--- Suspicious People
- There’s one way through - a door with a hip design. They can hear people weeping on the other side. Grumpy knocks and says he’s here to save them, but they don’t believe him because they think it’s one of Dr Hook’s tricks!
- Hoping to win favour, one of the people inside bursts out the door and says he’s here to save Dr Hook! On discovering that there is an actual group here to save them, he rips out his own throat. Better that than get murdered by the others for selling out to the enemy.
- Inside are blood troughs and some wide stairs upwards to a bigger room. The prisoners are being drained of blood by the wrists, evidently the guy who just killed himself was keeping them bleeding on Dr Hook’s orders. Total quisling.
--- Claws!
- There’s not much time to relax though, since wolverine-clawed undead leap down from above! Andromeda takes out a couple with the dead dog battering ram and calls forth a Storm Shell miracle! The monsters are zapped as they pass through the barrier, and Grumpy uses his superheated glaive to start freeing the prisoners from their chains.
- Pearl is shocked to see a Lust Demon - a quadruped varmint - jumping down from above too! She blasts at it with her cannons, vaporising it, and questions why nobody told her the demons were here?! She blasts forward on her angel wings, flying deeper into the dungeon to solo the boss. They hear her screaming deeper in, clearly having some sort of epic battle.
- Andromeda tries to non-euclidean warp through her own storm shell, and finds herself at the top of the stairs without her creature! It’s dripping off the inside of the shield, electrocuted. - Grumpy scoops it up and tries to think it back into shape. It doesn't really like him though, and keeps "jokingly" removing the skin from his hand and putting it back.
- They set off at first light and travel straight towards the lair Dr Hook told them about. On the way they pass by the remains of a tentacle thrusting from the earth, the whole thing is completely carbonised. It’s practically charcoal.
- They continue through the snow and soon find exactly what they’re looking for. A hill that gradually rises from the earth before steeply dropping off. More excitingly - it’s got a giant skeleton crouching over the entrance! It’s not moving and its joints are bound by wire.
- They take some time to check the hill itself. When they climb to the top they reach a point just behind the giant’s head, and see a skeletal snake with a scroll-case in its belly wiggling down a hole!
- Andromeda smashes it easily - it’s a normal sized snake - and reads the message within. It’s from Dr Hook to Singular Thay, saying that New Moondin is weak and ready to experience their true majesty. How’d he write this with hooks for hands anyway?
- Discovering that the hole isn’t big enough to go down unless you’re a Ratman or something, they go down to the main entrance anyway.
- The weather turns to Thundersnow and hail begins to pour down, so they avoid it by just going inside. They go beneath the bone giant’s hips and through an arch, going up a slope until they reach a door with a ribcage design and a doorknocker shaped like a human heart.
--- The Cerberus
- They knock, and a huge dog’s head pushes the doors ajar from within. The head is rotting and white fire burns in its eyes. In a snarling voice it growls - “What’s the password?”
- Red tries “Good doggy!” and the door slams open! The dog has two other heads, both of which vomit something horrible and acidic onto Red! The others try some passwords, which also fail, and battle is joined!
- Pearl backflips, extending her wings and charging her arm-cannons! The very Iron Man-esque light on her chest glows a cold blue. Andromeda smashes at its head with her hammer, and Red manages to rip a head off completely!
- They batter it down, Andromeda taking some heavy bites from the centre head and Red ripping off another, until Pearl yells at them from above - “Get back! I don’t wanna hit y’all!”
- They step back and watch as Pearl eviscerates the weakened dog under a barrage of angel beams! The undead cerberus slumps, leaking acid, as Pearl lands to high fives and congratulations. Good work Pearl!
- They look around in case there’s anything of value and find some obols, a few coins, and some lard. Somehow it’s the lard that seems most exciting. It’s edible!
- They also find the Cerberus corpse is basically suspended from the ceiling by chains. Andromeda swings it experimentally and finds it swings very well!
--- Suspicious People
- There’s one way through - a door with a hip design. They can hear people weeping on the other side. Grumpy knocks and says he’s here to save them, but they don’t believe him because they think it’s one of Dr Hook’s tricks!
- Hoping to win favour, one of the people inside bursts out the door and says he’s here to save Dr Hook! On discovering that there is an actual group here to save them, he rips out his own throat. Better that than get murdered by the others for selling out to the enemy.
- Inside are blood troughs and some wide stairs upwards to a bigger room. The prisoners are being drained of blood by the wrists, evidently the guy who just killed himself was keeping them bleeding on Dr Hook’s orders. Total quisling.
--- Claws!
- There’s not much time to relax though, since wolverine-clawed undead leap down from above! Andromeda takes out a couple with the dead dog battering ram and calls forth a Storm Shell miracle! The monsters are zapped as they pass through the barrier, and Grumpy uses his superheated glaive to start freeing the prisoners from their chains.
- Pearl is shocked to see a Lust Demon - a quadruped varmint - jumping down from above too! She blasts at it with her cannons, vaporising it, and questions why nobody told her the demons were here?! She blasts forward on her angel wings, flying deeper into the dungeon to solo the boss. They hear her screaming deeper in, clearly having some sort of epic battle.
- Andromeda tries to non-euclidean warp through her own storm shell, and finds herself at the top of the stairs without her creature! It’s dripping off the inside of the shield, electrocuted. - Grumpy scoops it up and tries to think it back into shape. It doesn't really like him though, and keeps "jokingly" removing the skin from his hand and putting it back.
- Grumpy frees a few of the prisoners, and shows them how to free their fellows. They start freeing each other and Grumpy steps into a defensive position.
- Andromeda drops the storm shell to let others run up the stairs as the first wave of monsters falls. She takes a bunch of hits from the creatures’ raking claws, sustaining a rugged scar across a cheek!
- In the main hall there’s a massive human skull made from chicken skulls. Many many chickens, hung upside down and beheaded, drain their blood into long troughs. Gnarly.
- Sian somehow manipulates Algor Mortis to destroy a clawed monster before letting loose with her sling, Red steps forward to interpose. Overhead they notice arrow slits with eyes peering down at them, bows aiming downwards into the main room!
- Red parries and counters multiple claw-zombies and their morale breaks! The creatures flee, and the bowmen overhead let loose! Andromeda’s hotbox helm is destroyed, and they run up the stairs into the next area and out of sight.
- Sian somehow manipulates Algor Mortis to destroy a clawed monster before letting loose with her sling, Red steps forward to interpose. Overhead they notice arrow slits with eyes peering down at them, bows aiming downwards into the main room!
- Red parries and counters multiple claw-zombies and their morale breaks! The creatures flee, and the bowmen overhead let loose! Andromeda’s hotbox helm is destroyed, and they run up the stairs into the next area and out of sight.
--- Pearl Triumphant
- They find themselves in a clear boss fight area. Processed human bits are sorted in vats. There’s no sign of the clawed creatures who fled.
- Double doors smash open to show Pearl in some sort of Quick-Time Event with Singular Thay! Pearl blasts backwards, firing over and over with her beam cannons, while Singular Thay tries to destroy her. It’s a whole thing.
- Singular Thay is blasted to bits under a beam barrage! Pearl is jubilant! Andromeda is besotted anew.
--- Exeunt
- They peek into the other rooms and find them incredibly generic grey cubes. Grumpy suspects that Pearl is pulling another reality into this one somehow.
- They search the boss room and find a small hole in the ceiling - probably where the snake would have come in. They also find some treasure in the boss room - a magic scimitar, envenomed throwing needles, and some weaponised green slime powder.
- They walk out through the mysteriously quiet dungeon. No arrows rain down from the slits, and there’s still no sign of the clawed wolverine-types. The prisoners are grateful, and they head out of the dungeon and back towards the Shell.
- There’s one weird thing - the giant bone skeleton out the front of the hill is gone! They make haste through the thundersnow back to the Shell, and if they look back it almost looks like the bone giant is crouching atop the hill itself…
- They find themselves in a clear boss fight area. Processed human bits are sorted in vats. There’s no sign of the clawed creatures who fled.
- Double doors smash open to show Pearl in some sort of Quick-Time Event with Singular Thay! Pearl blasts backwards, firing over and over with her beam cannons, while Singular Thay tries to destroy her. It’s a whole thing.
- Singular Thay is blasted to bits under a beam barrage! Pearl is jubilant! Andromeda is besotted anew.
--- Exeunt
- They peek into the other rooms and find them incredibly generic grey cubes. Grumpy suspects that Pearl is pulling another reality into this one somehow.
- They search the boss room and find a small hole in the ceiling - probably where the snake would have come in. They also find some treasure in the boss room - a magic scimitar, envenomed throwing needles, and some weaponised green slime powder.
- They walk out through the mysteriously quiet dungeon. No arrows rain down from the slits, and there’s still no sign of the clawed wolverine-types. The prisoners are grateful, and they head out of the dungeon and back towards the Shell.
- There’s one weird thing - the giant bone skeleton out the front of the hill is gone! They make haste through the thundersnow back to the Shell, and if they look back it almost looks like the bone giant is crouching atop the hill itself…
Total: 2350 exp
Team Bonus:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus
- Antagonist Annihilator bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Holy bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Rumour Investigator bonus
- SpoOoOoky bonus
- Tactical Fighting bonus
Total: 850 exp
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus
- Antagonist Annihilator bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Holy bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Rumour Investigator bonus
- SpoOoOoky bonus
- Tactical Fighting bonus
Total: 850 exp
Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Tim / Red - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (Tom / Barrett & Tim / Red - 100 exp ea.)
- Triage (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Chef (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Tom, Kitty, Timothy - 500 exp ea.)
- Chippo Champion bonus (Carter*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Ollie, Carter, Timothy - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Carter - 100 exp)
Injuries: - Andromeda has a badass scar over her eye from a vicious claw attack. Death Toll: - The perfect version of Adonis Barrett, exploded into omnipoison by a Gas Front.
Experience Totals: - Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric: 31631 (Level up at 56000) - Tim / Red, Level 5 Fighter: 27431 (Level up at 32000) - Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 4 Grudgesmith Dwarf: 12088 (Level up at 17600) - James G / Siân, Level 4 Necromancer: 10466 (Level up at 18000) - Tom / Tom's Next Character: 1505
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