Session 239 - Angel Attrition!

Session 239 - Angel Attrition!

Date:
15 years after the End.

May

New Backstory:
- DJ survived the fire at the pub during that massive carousing session because he was making bathtub booze in the basement. By pure luck, the alleged gin was in fact fire retardant and saved his life! (Once per session, reroll a die)

Character List:

Murders:
- 4 base-tier angels (200 exp)
- 1 second-tier turret angel (100 exp)
Total: 300 exp

Salvage:
- 5 angels, salvaged whole (2500 exp)
Total: 2500 exp

Events:

--- Third of May, Expedition Evening 2: Revenge of the Crabs!
- As they return to their camp in the late afternoon, dragging the angels captured last session behind them, our heroes come across a troubling sight. Their camp has been overrun by stoneshell crabs!

- Two of the tents have crabs rooting around in them for food. Another crab is picking through the fire, accidentally making itself delicious and studiously avoiding looking at another couple of crabs rutting amongst piles of eggs. A sixth crab to the side of the camp spots the party coming in and snip-splutters out some sort of crabby warning!

- DJ points a finger at the watch-crab and levitates them into the air! It warbles out in terror! A second Abducc targets the mating pair and they ascend too, still gamely going at it!
- The crabs in the tents poke their heads out, and the party sees that their mandibles are full of crab meat! They’ve got into the stores and cannibalised their fallen brethren! Such beasts! Zulu theorises that this is their burial ritual, feeling a strange kinship with the crustaceans.
- Andromeda runs in and yells, waving her massive great-hammer around to scare them off, and the creatures flee! They scuttle off sideways into the mist, leaving their compatriots to continue rising slowly into the air.
- She checks inside the tents to see if there’s any food left, and is horrified to find that the tents have been used and there are piles of eggs all over the place. She also discovers that the eggs are actually pretty moreish.
- DJ lets the abducted crabs fall gently. The watch-crab lands and scuttles away as fast as he can, but the other two are captured in the “jizz tent” and held as a breeding pair. More culinary delights for New Moondin!
- Zulu cooks tonight, since Grumpy’s hands are full repairing everyone’s gear as usual. She milks her antelope, squeezes honey from a honey-bun, and combines it all with shredded onion and fried long potato on bread to make “LOBHA”, a sort of eggless french toast. It’s yum! And grants a bonus to Tinkering!

- It starts to rain, and everyone rests well except for Grumpy who spends the night under a Repel Water glyph fixing arms and armour. He really does such a lot for the team.

--- Fourth of May, Expedition Day 3: Saviourbone Storage Solutions
- Dawn breaks to reveal the rain has stopped in the night, replaced once more by the ever-present mists of the Haze. Zulu, grinning, returns to camp with a bucket of fat, wriggling worms! She went out before dawn to collect these nasty tasty boys, mud-dwelling Slopworm. She read in a book that they’re delicious!

- DJ goes to collect his repaired gear and laughs at how tired Grumpy is, managing to be both racist and ungrateful with his apology. Grumpy wonders why he bothers.
- Andromeda takes her top off and preaches the power of POWERLAD beneath the stormy storm-shell above. The party listens and watches appreciatively, the experience marred only by the sound of Dargo retching up chunks of his clay-like body into cups.
- It’s decided to take the angels and the captured crabs to the Saviourbone Mine for storage while they head back to the Seraphim. Every angel captured is one less inside, so they can wear the base down if they’re careful about it.

- On the way to the Mine beneath the dragon skeleton, they cross paths with some very strange tracks. Bulbous footprints and the occasional handprint. Odd, but not odd enough to investigate.
- They reach the Mine and are greeted by a spider-priest calling himself, of course, Arnold Nonimus. They dig a hole for the crabs and store the angels here, also getting prices for shipping the stuff back to New Moondin. Fairly reasonable! Then they head back to their camp and out to the Crashed Seraphim.

--- Back to the Angel Base
- There are no guards around the Seraphim as they approach. They enter carefully to make sure Zulu’s demon-born body isn’t destroyed by being inside the angel. She’s not! Success! Zulu rides her antelope in too, hooves clacking off the metal floor.
- Andromeda takes point, heading left towards the angel upgrade section. The glow of a large screen reveals a choir of 4 spherical angels and a single upgraded turret-mode angel. Two of the base angels are plugged into a console, singing quietly.
- Zulu kicks her antelope into a gallop, charging straight for the gunner angel! She misses and rides past, turning for another charge. DJ and Andromeda quietly rush towards the closest plugged-in angel and smack it with hammer and ball-peen, destroying it!

- Dargo, unwilling to get close to the angels, fires from a distance as Grumpy charges at two of the angels with his glaive, screaming bloody murder.
- The alarm is raised by the gunner and it orders its minions to swap to hammers - better armaments against the assaulting forces. There is a deep rumbling as the Seraphim sings its way to alert status.
- Andromeda and DJ close in on Grumpy’s assailants, destroying one as he slices through one with his glaive. Zulu charges down the last base-tier angel, breaking it on the horns of her antelope, and wheels towards the gunner again.
- They meet at the gunner in one great charge, Zulu smashing it off balance from her steed before Andromeda and DJ boost Grumpy glaive-first into its heart! The gunner collapses, song cut short… but its song yet echoes around the massive chamber. More of them are coming.

--- The Way Out is Through!
- Gunner angels appear from the opposite side of the chamber and fire on the party! Zulu and DJ charge in, but they realise that there are far more coming from the chamber beyond.
- Grumpy messes with the upgrade consoles, breaking off a USB in the connection port and tinkering a DoS attack to prevent angel upgrades from processing for a day or so.
- The angels acquire a target and beams flash out at DJ, tearing through his armour as he dodges, and spherical units roll out and smack him with hammers!
- He recovers and breathes out his signature chillwave from his bong-peen hammer, chilling out everyone in the room. It’s careful, considered, peaceful action-stations for Andromeda who goes about annointing the peaceful congregation with “friendship oil”.
- Suddenly a pair of beams lance out from the hallway, out of range of the chill-mist, searing her leg! A third-tier Ophanim has fired into the peace zone, breaking the effects!
- The party’s morale breaks. There are too many - it’s time to go! Zulu defends Andromeda and DJ heals her as she calls forth a Storm Shell, taking more blows for his trouble. Grumpy uses a Take Lightning glyph to create a hole through the lightning shield and the party fall back in good order.
- They grab the angel corpses and make for the exit - any angels left behind will be repaired and make this all a waste of time. Dargo squirms into a fairly intact angel and hamster-balls it out of there.

- To his horror, the exit room is full of angels! They’re getting pincered! All their eyes focus on him and their beam-cannons begin powering up… but Zulu rides past him with DJ behind her! DJ breathes out another chill zone and deactivates the kill box.
- The party runs out piecemeal, Grumpy bringing up the rear. Dargo chucks a few of his chaos-mud vials around to distract them when they come to as he goes past. They escape into the mists, back towards their camp, angels foiled once again!

Total: 1550 exp

Team Bonus:
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Better Part of Valour bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Coitus boners
- Classic Charles bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Escape bonus
- Fame bonus
- Heresy bonus
- High as Fuck bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Tactical Fighting bonus
Total: 800 exp

Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / DJ - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Zulu - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (Russell / Dargo - 100 exp)
- Triage (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Chef (Russell / Dargo - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Ollie, Charles, Kitty - 500 exp ea.)
- Chippo Champion bonus (Ollie*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Carter, Charles - 100 exp ea.)

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric: 50009 (Level up at 56000)

- Charles / Dustin Johnson, Level 6 Intergalacticist Cleric: 33502 (Level up at 56000)

- Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 5 Warden Dwarf: 30166 (Level up at 35200)

- Ollie / Zulu Snakebite, Level 5 Barbarian: 28893 (Level up at 32000)

- Russell / Dargo, Level 3 Inheritor: 4774 (Level up at 9000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 Meat Point! +1 Mutation Capacity! +Backstory!  

Session 238 - Angel Assault Aborted

Session 238 - Angel Assault Aborted

Date:
15 years after the End.

May

New Characters:
- Lady Maven Vanille, a vanilla Magic-User and former pit fighter with a fondness for Familiars.

New Backstory:
- Lady Maven fell in love with her counterpart in a passionate heel/face romance and married them. Unfortunately this plotline was incredibly poorly received on the pit fighting circuit, and she was punished with exile. (+1 Wisdom)

Character List:

Murders:
- 5 base-tier angels (250 exp)
- 2 second-tier turret angels (200 exp)
Total: 450 exp

Salvage:
- 5 angels, salvaged whole (2500 exp)
Total: 2500 exp

Events:

--- Third of May, Expedition Day 2: To the Angel
- The party awaken in their tents beside the Saviourbone Mine at first light and set off downhill towards the crashed Seraphim. The Warning that threatened during the night has given way to yet more of the lung-tickling Haze. They sniffle in their breather helms as they break camp - it’s not a long walk down to the edge of the Shell.
- Andromeda makes sure to give a topless sermon beneath the Power-Dragon’s skeleton to boost her Faith, and Luna the Necromancer buys a hammer off of one of the Arnold Nonimuses on duty to make use of her Laddite bonus. Dargo shows off the carapace he absorbed from a crab the previous day.
- All this is witnessed by a new face - Lady Maven Vanille - a leather-harnessed woman who has struggled into the Storm Shell from the wastes beyond! She intercepts the party as they travel, immediately accepted into the group unquestioned as is the way of things in these situations. Her Familiars yowl and flutter around her, signs of her witchhood.
- The party sets up camp in the same place as usual, on the flat terrain on the inside edge of the Storm Shell with a clear line of sight to the huge brass hemisphere of the crashed Seraphim beyond. Plenty of time to spare for a recce!

--- First Contact
- Andromeda goes first to scout, leaving her skeleton McCoy leashed at the camp. Her Lawfulness makes her less of a target for the angels. Her thermal vision shows nothing untoward, and this time there are no angels out patrolling the outside of the dropship.

- The entire wing-petal that once shadowed the loading bay entrance door is, of course, gone. Thrown far away by DJ that one time he was big and strong. There’s no movement as she gets closer. Realising that her void pet is weird as hell, she tries to get it to turn inert, and it turns into something that is both a single point and a hyperbolic plane at once. That’s… fine? The angels sing something when they see it, clearly confused, but don’t attack.
- The others approach into firearms range cautiously. Red aims her musket towards the entrance, flanked by Maven with her arquebus. Andromeda peeks around the door and sees a clutch of 5 angels - 4 base-tier and one upgraded walker - watching the entrance. They scan her, but she can’t understand their song.

- Red, on her belly in sniper position, mimes the translation to Andromeda as a deeper baritone sings out a warning for intruders throughout the base. Grumpy gets into position on the other side of the door from Andromeda, ready in case something comes through.
- Maven sends her raven familiar to investigate inside… and it splats against an invisible wall over the entrance! Stasis beams scythe out to destroy it, and the poor thing flops back towards Maven until its bones regrow enough to let it fly.

- A spherical base-tier angel peeks out of the door and scans for life signs… and Andromeda and Grumpy attack! Andromeda’s hammer clangs off, making a sound like a bell, and Maven follows up with a perfect hit into its central eye! The angel collapses and Grumpy quickly drags it to the side, ready for the next one.

- Alas, there is no next one. Tense minutes pass and the lighting inside the Seraphim flickers out, it’s clear that no more angels are going to emerge from within.

--- Enter the Seraphim
- Andromeda ducks through first, scanning around with her thermal vision. The angels just showed up as cold metal before and they’re nowhere to be seen. Maven follows, lighting up her lightning sword to give some crackling red light. Her Familiars are constantly in a state of dying and reforming in here. This place is inimical to them.
- This is the deployment chamber. The racks on the back wall once contained rows of angels ready to be deployed onto the wings via rails on the ceiling, but no longer. Now the chamber is vast and empty. The party suspects an ambush.

- Low bass notes sing a warning to prepare for intruders - the angels seem to be being careful this time around. Grumpy looks around with his dwarven eyes while Andromeda searches through her pack for the map and examines it under Maven’s sword-light.
- They choose to head right through the wide doors, dwarfed by the sheer size of this place. Ahead there are the glowing lights of repair stations. There’s nothing moving in here… until Andromeda looks up and sees a full 21 angels on the ceiling!

--- Overwhelmed
- Andromeda throws up a Storm Shell, the Lawful magic masking the Chaotic signatures of the mages and demon in the back ranks. The angels drop from the ceiling, clanging to the floor and opening up into a full host - 16 spherical base angels, 4 upgraded gun turrets, and a third-tier Ophanim. The choir sings, and Red hears the command to target the weak!

- Grumpy tries out a Repel Lightning glyph on the lightning shield, and it works! A gout of electricity blasts out, but this hall is too large for it to go particularly far. He saves it for when the angels approach… they will approach won’t they?
- It’s too dark to fire still, so Vanille grabs a bag of gunpowder from Red’s belt and slings it into the room. The powder ignites as it crosses the sparking Storm Shell, and the room beyond is lit up for a brief moment!
- Red takes her shot, ricocheting a single bullet around the room! It bounces off each angel in turn, denting brass plates and whanging off walls, either in the style of Wanted or Rube Goldberg. Possibly both.
- The return fire is close to deadly. Red gets pounded by beam-fire and narrowly avoids true injury, Andromeda swiftly heals her back up with a Predator handshake and plans are hurriedly made to retreat through the Storm Shell and back out to the entrance!
- Luna uses her Delay Last Breath spell so summon a ghostly witch-light from a vial of Last Breath, and Maven cantrips her Summon spell to form a screen of extremely tiny demons to draw some fire. They flee back the way they came, getting zapped by the Storm Shell for their trouble.
- As they emerge from the corridor back into the deployment chamber, they are shot at by another threat! It’s the angels from the entrance, lying in wait! Red is targeted yet again, but one of the angel’s wing cannons misfires!

--- “Wrong Name of the Wind” aka “Gambled on a Fart and Lost” aka “Maven vs her Inner Demons”
- The weaker wizards slip out the front door before the angels can retarget, and Grumpy charges in with his glaive on scorch mode! He carves through the second-tier gunner angel and emerges out the other side, melted brass spattering the ground around him!

- Maven casts Summon, and draws forth from her bowels… an Excrement Demon! Yes it is a shit demon. It looks like the poop emoji with waving neon stink lines. Most importantly it’s angry. Maven exits, pursued by bowel movement. Much mirth ensues.
- The remaining angels have a poor time of it versus Red’s rifle and Andromeda’s massive hammer. They are soon dispatched and rolled out of the Seraphim, captured and valuable.
- The singing from deeper inside suggests that the Storm Shell is keeping the other angels from pursuing, so the party heads back to camp with their angelic loot. 5 more down!

Total: 1300 exp

Team Bonus:
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Better Part of Valour bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Classic Charles bonus
- Enmity Inciter bonus
- Heresy bonus
- Holy bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Michael Bay bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Split the Party bonus
- Tactical Fighting bonus
Total: 600 exp

Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Johnathon / Luna - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Timothy / Red - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (Tom / Maven - 100 exp)
- Triage (Timothy / Red - 100 exp)
- Chef (Russell / Dargo - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty, Timothy - 500 exp ea.)
- Chippo Champion bonus (Tom*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- Kernel Colonel bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom, Carter - 100 exp ea.)

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric: 48279 (Level up at 56000)

- Tim / Red, Level 6 Fighter: 32922 (Level up at 64000)
Level Up: +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble results! +backstory!

- Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 5 Warden Dwarf: 28836 (Level up at 35200)

- Tom / Lady Maven Vanille, Level 3 Magic-User: 5934 (Level up at 9000)

- Johnathon / Luna, Level 2 Necromancer: 3744 (Level up at 4500)

- Russell / Dargo, Level 2 Inheritor: 3544 (Level up at 4500)

Session 237 - DJ's Burning Hot Crabs

Ah, the joys of an open world. One minute you're raring to go fight some angels, the next minute your mate's knocking on a crab's shell and drawing you into a combat you never wanted because they wanted to meet a new friend. Ah well, at least you're there now! And Grumpy got to the Saviourbone Miners before evening so they don't try to shoot "THE SHOVELMAN" again! See end of this recap for the tall tales I forgot to include last time.

Excitingly I've been forced to make up some Transporter's Guild prices since Barrett is back and desires a fortified "landship". Prospective tiers of vehicle are Steed, Wagon and Mobile Fortress of which the following vehicle will be the latter!

Also behold Ollie's rendition of Kitty's inner monologue when Carter had the temerity to move Andromeda before she'd decided what to do.

Finally, Timothy graces us with another article from Red's travels abroad...

Atmospheric Production In The Hinterlands

A Review Of “Hideous Gibberings: An Immersive Theatrical Experience"

Sebastian St.Claire, Theatre Critic

When one takes to the provinces one expects a dearth of culture as a matter of course. However, a poorly funded museum, shabby art gallery or two, at the very least some terrible community theatre should be par for the course. Well, word tot he wise my friends, the stretch of benighted ground between New Moondin and Moondin proper is as much as cultural wasteland as a literal one.

Hence, it was to my great surprise and relief that our group were entertained one evening by a rather intriguing art piece. Now I know that "intruiging" has become a byword for terrible in this industry, but I know of no better expression for the truly boundry pushing performance.

Set amidst what is being called the "Haunted Swamp", a vast area of boggy marshland which stretches for mile upon mile of fetid pools of brackish water, dense infectious mangrove, and mires of sulfurus mud. A note to future patrons: suede shoes are definitely not advised. In a rare show of environmental awareness, this region still sports living trees, and is populated by a number of birds and beasts, all of which were used to great effect.

The lighting provided was magnificently ominous, with the yellowing sun only half showing through the ever-present mists which seem to move and writhe with a life of its own. This alone made it obvious why this piece was site specific, rather than transplanting itself to more well know galleries and performance spaces. Even at high noon the light was not above a dull glimmer and the production itself began as the westering sun settled upon the horizon casting long ominous shadows from the gnarled unnatural trees.

The sound design for the piece is brilliant, starting with a wonderful effect of hollow cackling laughter seeming to come from all around our party. The sound, by some cunning means, seems to emanate from the very trees and crude rock formations that poke up through the uncertain ground. The sound seems to be a mixture of beast-like screeching and howling and the mad cackle of broken humanity. Indeed, it intermingled with the cries emminating from the flocks of black birds that suddenly seemed to swarm overhead.

The entrance of the performers to the stage was presaged by a tide of beasts of the area, not the misshapen monstrosities of the beast lands, their deformity seemed to come from withing, in an internal savageness indicating some fell spirit that dwells in each of them. The old admonition not to work with children or animals should have been heeded in this case however, as their addition added little to the performance save for an impromptu session of freestyle butchering by our own Editrix.

The company, made up of the local Akephaloi (who lack heads, and have instead their cruel features spread across their trunks), then burst forth with great alarum and making it clear that the audience inhabited the performance space. The performances, whilst they lack much of the sophistication that we in New Moondin have come to expect, were nonetheless powerful and heartfelt. Indeed there was a passion and rawness that is often missing from out more polished pieces. The use of space and movement was inspired and frenetic, and I do believe that some of the cast have a real future, and the sight of a fellow traveller being consumed alive by the haping maw of the Akephaloi is as horrific as it is thought provoking. Special mention must go to principle lead Vomits-Blood-At-Strangers, who I believe must be retiring from this run due to being bisected by a sword mid choreography.

However, technical proficiency is naught without artistic vision, and I do not believe the director (Howls-At-Midnight if I understand the programme correctly, who also appeared in the chorus of the third act) has a solid message that he wants to convey, Certainly it is entertaining and terrifying in equal measure, but what is the take away message? Are we to fear the primordial dark and the unknowable dangers it holds, or the more cloying but pervasive terror of the banality of modern life, or that primal cruelty that dwells in the heart of all? The piece never settles on a specific message or theme, and seems uncertain what it is trying to say.

Perhaps with time this young company will find more focus with their artistic endeavors, and I recommend catching them on tour if and when they move on from site-specific pieces to more conventional fare. This production was a rare treat for the provinces, but not a show worth travelling for.

Session 237 - DJ's Burning Hot Crabs

Date:
15 years after the End.

May

New Characters:
- Beepbox Strawberry Stars de Moor, a Cleric of the Cult of the New Eden whose parents named him after the strange beeping angel in the back paddock. A Healer by trade, his powers are allegedly psychic rather than divine.

New Backstory:
- Dargo saw bread drop from a beggar’s hand and ate it… along with the beggar. Heal the maximum amount when you eat to heal.

- Luna’s grandmother was a creepy old lady who lived in a creepy old house, all the kids were scared of her. All except Luna, who saw her regularly. +1 to actions that you are advised against.

- Little Jack Tall fell from a regular sized chair and hurt himself really badly one time. Half damage from falls.

Character List:

Murders:
- 12 Stoneshell Crabs (600 exp)
Total: 600 exp

Salvage:
- Luna brewed 3 potions:
-- #250 - Potion of Somersaults

-- #154 - Potion of Heroism
-- #179 - Potion of Plant Control
- 50 rations of stoneshell crab meat (50 exp)
- 5 crab-flavoured Last Breaths (250 exp)
Total: 300 exp

Events:

--- Red Returns!
- Standing amongst a pile of looted survival gear in the middle of a road several miles outside of the Storm Shell, Grumpy and the rest of the party from last session wonder how they’re going to get all this stuff home. Also they’re covered in blood.
- Dargo, by contrast, seems remarkably clean and full-bellied. Mysterious. He has some remarkably accurate information on who these guys were - opportunistic explorers from New Moondin who thought they’d be able to loot some easy marks. How wrong they were!
- There is a faint sound of marching feet from the south. The party set to work trying to make the slaughter look like an accident… and then Red crests the rise and comes into view! She’s returned, and in her hand is a katana that writhes with greasy energies!
- She runs towards the party, proudly showing off her new sword, completely unperturbed by the scene she’s stumbled onto. The rest of her media entourage follow on, many with thousand-yard stares and trembling hands. There are less now than there were when they set out a few months ago.
- Red enthusiastically gets the entourage to help carry all the loot and such back to New Moondin. She has so much to tell! Her sword speaks too in everyone’s favourite vocal register - the voice of teen spider RJ aka Lonely Blade...!

--- April Admin: Carousing Gone Mad!
- Back in town the loot is liquidated and we check in on various investments. Snels’ slice of investment in his definitely-not-fascist Denialist Brotherhood goes well despite an initial dip in value, supplemented with his personal wealth. Grumpy’s holdings fare well. DJ’s mining business is down, but his chicken shop is going great!
- Dargo heads off into the town on his own, schlorping into the shape of the man he consumed earlier. He finds his mask’s house and goes inside, finding that they were a Healer! He’s got a place to live now, plus a bunch of stuff like a First Aid Kit and sundry herbs.
- Others prepare to carouse the rest of the month away, making sure they don’t carouse at the same time as Zulu whose Barbarian drinking style tends to suck everyone into her orbit!
- At the end of the carousing session everyone is fine… save for Damnation Snels who deeply offended Red when they were out drinking one night. The full might of New Moondin’s only media outlet declares Snels an enemy…
- Dustin Johnson sits out the carousing, instead badgering Luna the Necromancer to make some random potions for him with the new potion-crafting rules. Each takes a week, and by the end of the month they’ve got potions of Heroism, Plant Control, and Somersaults. Neat!
- Red takes her possessed sword to the spider temple to see if the stories about Sir Robyn’s return are true. Terrifyingly it seems they are! A parallel Sir Robyn has possessed the head Spider-Priest. He offers to assist Red with her projects but she’s scared shitless of her dad and leaves, shaking.
- Plans to return to the crashed Seraphim and clear it out are made. It’s a quick walk along a known road and, dragons notwithstanding, it’s fairly safe. The party is kitted out with heavy survival gear after the post-ambush windfall last month, so while they’ll be slow they’ll also be well protected!

--- May Expedition Day 1: Burning Hot Crabs
- As the party leaves town, loaded down with survival gear and freshly purchased Long Potato, they walk past military drills and other worrying displays of public peacekeeping. Snels avoids eye contact with Grumpy. It’s the Haze, a light acidic mist creeping over the land. Fair travelling weather!
- It’s slow going with heavy gear and only a single porter - Andromeda’s skeletal loader-butler - to help carry the load. After a few hours they’ve passed the bend in the river and walked up the switchback to the main road to the Saviourbone Mine.

- Walking along the cairn-marked path they pass through a wide area with large white stones dotted around the place. They’ve seen these before - the shells of Stoneshell Crabs!
- They stop and look around while Grumpy idly mentions how delicious crab meat was last time they had it. The team discuss whether they can be bothered cracking crustaceans, when suddenly there is a knocking sound and a “Hello-ARGH!”
- They look round to see Red with her leg caught in the bone-crushing pincer of a crab! She’d knocked on its shell to see if it was friendly and it was most assuredly not!

- Beepbox the new Cleric jogs over to another and calls on his Styxian miracle - Universal Translator! His face approximates a crab and he chats to it until the crab decides he’s too creepy and attacks him too. They’re pretty crabby!
- The other crabs stir from beneath their stone shells and scuttle in to defend their friends! Combat is joined!
- Red smashes the crabs surrounding her together and Beepbox flees from her crab on the other side of the road. It’s extremely hard to hit the crabs under their stone shells, and neither Luna’s whip nor Andromeda’s electro-hammer seem to do any damage!

- Luckily DJ is there to sort this whole thing out. He breathes out a big cloud of vapour, chilling out everyone in the zone. The crabs relax, and DJ gets to work massaging them with flammable friendship oil. How lovely.
- Meanwhile, on the other side of road, Grumpy finds himself grappled and pinched by crabs! He struggles to use his glaive at close range and takes a few good nips to the shin. Little Jack Tall and Luna assist, and when Grumpy manages to kick a crab off Beepbox cores it with his beam rifle.
- The chill zone finally wears off and DJ sets off the obvious trick by flicking a cigarette onto the “friendship oil” that’s been trailed over the ground. The crabs are on fire! The angry crabs surround him and he realises his mistake - now they’re on fire and they’re on HIM! He’s hurt by their pincers and their flames! His survival gear nearly burns off as the burning crabs drop dead around him.

- The crabs go crazy on Red. They’re not on fire, but they’re angry! They manage to pin her between them, stunning her and cracking her armour! Snels doesn’t fare much better, knocked to his knees by a scuttling crab.
- Andromeda heals him with a Sacrifice blast, frying the crab in between them. She discovers to her dismay that her Void Pet now has a fear of fire! It doesn’t want to let her get hurt again!
- The tide turns. Crabs begin to break off and flee into the haze, dismayed by the deaths of their brethren. A delicious smell wafts through the air… the smell of cooked crab.

- They collect the crab meat and Luna reveals that she managed to catch five whole Last Breaths from these crabs! They probably smell weird, but they’re good enough! Beepbox grabs the exoskeleton of a butchered crab to use as a shield

--- The Saviourbone Mine
- The party continue on, but the slow exhaustion of the acidic Haze takes its toll. The team are slow now and need to rest before they continue on. Grumpy decides to go ahead alone, lest the team show up at night and get shot at by jumpy miners again.
- He arrives in fairly good time. An Arnold Nonimus with a “grandad bod” hails him and briefly accuses him of looking like the nefarious Shovelman, but another Nonimus tells him it’s just Grumpy.
- After some banter and mockery, Grumpy learns that the password to approach the mine at night is a very offensive anti-Grumpy code phrase. Nevertheless the party can now approach in the evening. Hurrah!

- He notices that the miners all seem to having pendants with a chunk of glowing rock pulsing in them. That’s new. He asks about it and they tell him they traded an Elf for them in exchange for half of one of the POWERDRAGON’s wings! Grumpy is aghast!
- By the early evening the rest of the party has arrived, studiously avoiding following crab tracks they see on the way. They set up camp at a convenient nearby camping area and Grumpy decides to cook for everyone - including the miners!

- His dish, which he calls Stone Stew, is very fortifying! Crab meat, long potato, onion and bread on the side. Delicious! It boosts overnight healing rates which is helpful for those in the party who got pinched by the crabs. Tomorrow they will assault the Crashed Seraphim!

Total: 1650 exp

Team Bonus:
- Classic Charles bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Doolittle bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Holy bonus
- I Eventually Regret This Decision bonus
- Kill It With Fire bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- PETA bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus
- Split the Party bonus
- Why Did You Touch That bonus
Total: 700 exp

Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (George / Snels - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / DJ - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Beepbox - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Triage (Timothy / Red - 100 exp)
- Chef (Johnathon / Luna - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty, Henry, Charles, Timothy - 500 exp ea.)
- Chippo Champion bonus (Ollie*3 - 100 exp ea.)
- Kernel Colonel bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Carter, Tom, Ollie - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
--- Carousing!
- Little Jack Tall gains 2500 exp
- Andromeda gains 3000 exp
- Zulu gains 3389 exp
- Damnation Snels gains 676 exp, lost almost everything he owned, and earned the disfavour of the Press.

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric: 46870 (Level up at 56000)

- George / Praise-God-For-He-Gave-His-Only-Son-So-That-We-Might-Be-Saved-From-Damnation Snels, Level 6 Snelsman Cleric: 34892 (Level up at 56000)

- Charles / Dustin Johnson, Level 6 Intergalacticist Cleric: 31772 (Level up at 56000)

- Tim / Red, Level 5 Fighter: 31213 (Level up at 32000)

- Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 5 Warden Dwarf: 27727 (Level up at 35200)

- Henry / Little Jack Tall, Level 4 Halfling: 10135 (Level up at 16000)
Level Up: +1d6 HP! +1 to Domination! +Save Improvement! +Backstory!

- Johnathon / Luna, Level 2 Necromancer: 2835 (Level up at 4500)

- Russell / Dargo, Level 2 Inheritor: 2635 (Level up at 4500)

- Ollie / Beepbox Strawberry Stars de Moor, Level 1 Cleric of the New Eden: 862 (Level up at 1750)



--------------

Bonus Content Carter sent this a few weeks ago but I forgot to include it in the recap! Shovel A group of miners yawned around the campfire, struggling to stay awake through their watch. Young people all, they had been pressed into their duties by the older miners who valued their sleep. ‘I heard the only reason there’s a watch is that the Shovelman is about’ one whispered to his companions. Every miner was Arnold Nonynus to outsiders but when they were alone this one was called Jeb. ‘Eh, the Shovelman is just a story Arnold came up with. Wants to big himself up ‘innit.’ As the latest rumour to hit the mines came up everyone started to sit up. ‘I heard the Shovelman can extinguish all torches with a wave of his staff.’ ‘Staff? I thought it was a halberd’ ‘If he’s carrying stuff like that why are we calling him the Shovelman?’ asked the Angela Nonynus on guard duty. A pretty young thing she was a devout Laddite and all the boys enjoyed the sight of her devotions during a storm. ‘Because,’ Jeb answered, dropping his voice into a stage whisper, ‘after he puts out the lights, he picks up your shovel and beats you to death with it. If you try to flee he’ll fling it and take out your legs.’ ‘But don’t worry,’ the Arnold called Hammer guffawed. ‘I’ll protect you.’ Hammer drew the ire of every young man there as he casually draped one arm over the Angela’s shoulder, and the laughter of everyone when she elbowed him in the face and he toppled back off the lump of rock they were using as a bench. When he surged back to his feet everyone stood up. ‘Walk it off Arnold,’ everyone chanted together. Flipping them off the embarassed Hammer stomped off into the dark. The others settled back at the campfire as the cruch of his footsteps faded away. ‘Who else has a Shovelman story,’ Angela invited and the boys set to weaving elaborate stories. The first ones were shaky as they started inventing and weaving their tales but as the night bore on each tale became an elaborate sketch of darkness and horror. - An hour later, an Arnold commented ‘Where has Hammer got to?’ Everyone had been having a good time laughing at Jeb who had flubbed the delivery of his story so badly it had become a comedy. As Arnold asked everyone felt an unseasonable chill and started looking out into the darkness, night-blind from the fire. ‘Arnold,’ Angela boomed in a voice so loud the others covered their ears, ‘Get your ass back here!’ No sound returned, not even annoyed grunts from the miners’ cabins to keep it down. They had moved to the further away second firepit to escape the foul smell of something that had burned at dinner. As the seconds ticked by and no sound was forthcoming, Angela started drawing in breath for another shout when something came flying out of the darkness at her head. One of the Arnold’s smacked it off course and it slammed into the gravel by the fire. A shovel. ‘Oh real funny Hammer,’ Angela called out, quieter and her voice less certain. ‘I’m not sure it was a joke,’ Jeb interrupted pointing at a red smear over the edge of the shovel’s blade. Worse when he picked up the hammer to look at it closer, a lump of matted hair slid off the edge and splat loudly against the ground. ‘Fuck! Hammer, call out here!’ Arnold screamed into the darkness. Standing on the edge of the circle of light it seemed to be getting darker around him. Glancing at his feet the circle of firelight was retreating. Scrambling backwards he stared at the fire. The flames were slowly shrinking and leading from the darkness to the fire was a line of frost. Everyone felt the chill of night around them but also the uncomfortable cold of glyph magic. After some shimmying an Arnold jumped onto the line, protecting the fire and freezing himself. After a few moments the beam of frost abated and the Arnold started to warm again but the fire was low and the circle of light had shrunk. ‘Stand and fight coward’ someone shouted into the darkness and soon everyone was shouting. After a minute with nothing happening they fell silent and fear clawed at their hearts. Someone started to speak but fell silent as they all heard the scarpe of something metal being drawn through the gravel. Slowly, out of the darkness between them and the cabins, something was approaching.