Date: 13 August, 21 p.p.
Moon: Waning Gibbous - Dragon Face
Zenith: Dispater
Zenith: Dispater
New Backstory:
- Dorian is good buddies with Swan the Swift after their adventures together within this flesh-tree. +1 to each other's rolls when next to each other.
Events:
--- The Mirror
- Iskander and Dorian stand before the mirror that recently turned Swan into a flesh golem (in Swan's head at least) and try a bunch of ways to break it. Punching yourself does nothing. Hitting it reflects damage back. Curious "ghouls" and "wererats" look on in bemusement.
- The "ghouls" offer Iskander a bath in the scummy pool in their bodged-together "graveyard" but he declines. Washing off the poop would reveal his glowing skin.
- They're not aggressive, so the pair walk away to the exit, past the figure of Swan who is worshipping at the foot of a big meaty statue of a woman. Convenient timing for a player absence!
- The "ghouls" offer Iskander a bath in the scummy pool in their bodged-together "graveyard" but he declines. Washing off the poop would reveal his glowing skin.
- They're not aggressive, so the pair walk away to the exit, past the figure of Swan who is worshipping at the foot of a big meaty statue of a woman. Convenient timing for a player absence!
--- Meat Zone
- They leave, and continue along the randomly generated dungeon path, emerging into a Dharga-themed meat zone. They pass through a chamber with a bone altar, continue through a room with lots of faceless dead bodies fallen in a sports-like competition.
- There are two exits. One has a chirping sound, and a quick peek through the dripping bone portcullis shows a bunch of dog-sized ticks feasting on more bodies! Not that way then. They go the other way and find some broken-open kennels for the ticks.
- There are two exits. One has a chirping sound, and a quick peek through the dripping bone portcullis shows a bunch of dog-sized ticks feasting on more bodies! Not that way then. They go the other way and find some broken-open kennels for the ticks.
- No encounters, perfect! They continue onwards.
--- The Anal Fisher
- They enter a square-ish room with a big blood-filled anus on the floor. Charming. Fishing in the "pool" with a thin bone fishing rod is a man, who declares himself to be the Anal Fisher and he has inconsistent tests in each of the rooms off the four corners of this room!
- They pick the spike room and, discovering that the challenge is to press the button at the other end of a booby-trapped spike room, Iskander just shoots it. Challenge complete!
--- The Anal Fisher
- They enter a square-ish room with a big blood-filled anus on the floor. Charming. Fishing in the "pool" with a thin bone fishing rod is a man, who declares himself to be the Anal Fisher and he has inconsistent tests in each of the rooms off the four corners of this room!
- They pick the spike room and, discovering that the challenge is to press the button at the other end of a booby-trapped spike room, Iskander just shoots it. Challenge complete!
- The Anal Fisher says that they've earned the right to exit through the anus... but they demur and go through a door into an empty room. Iskander brings the Fisher along, in case he tries something.
--- 2D better than 3D
- He tries something! The room is large and has a bunch of those 2D redcap goblins in it! Iskander pushes the Fisher into the room and he dies of a thousand papercuts.
- He tries something! The room is large and has a bunch of those 2D redcap goblins in it! Iskander pushes the Fisher into the room and he dies of a thousand papercuts.
- Combat is joined, and after a few embarrassing rounds where everybody misses everybody else, the goblins are defeated! The bait in the middle of the room was three velvet bags, and they contain 770 obols in small red gems. Nice.
--- Ermagot
- The next room has bodies hanging from hooks on the ceiling. Iskander shoots one and the hook retracts up to the ceiling, which beats like a heart. In the middle of the room there is some delicious rye sourdough! They both have some, tasty.
- From all four doors, a gang of random people who are all hallucinating wildly enter! They congratulate the pair on becoming bread eaters, and the bread contains rye ergot! Iskander licks some of the dried turd covering his body and vomits up the bread, saving himself from ergotism. Dorian has eaten worse honestly.
- It's a fight! Iskander lobs a magnet bomb, forcibly removing the haemoglobin from the bodies of a whole group of them. Apparently I agreed to this??
- Dorian blowguns another foe for a single point of damage, which is just as useful.
- Luckily these guys are high as fuck the whole time, so keep on missing. Dorian's wrist spurs get an absolute workout, stabbing them through eye sockets and slashing achilles tendons while Iskander basically spins in a big circle murdering people.
- The final two fall to their knees and surrender! Their names are Jonathan Toast and Samantha Bread, and become questionably loyal porters. Samantha seems rather taken with Iskander... or she's just high as fuck.
- The next room has bodies hanging from hooks on the ceiling. Iskander shoots one and the hook retracts up to the ceiling, which beats like a heart. In the middle of the room there is some delicious rye sourdough! They both have some, tasty.
- From all four doors, a gang of random people who are all hallucinating wildly enter! They congratulate the pair on becoming bread eaters, and the bread contains rye ergot! Iskander licks some of the dried turd covering his body and vomits up the bread, saving himself from ergotism. Dorian has eaten worse honestly.
- It's a fight! Iskander lobs a magnet bomb, forcibly removing the haemoglobin from the bodies of a whole group of them. Apparently I agreed to this??
- Dorian blowguns another foe for a single point of damage, which is just as useful.
- Luckily these guys are high as fuck the whole time, so keep on missing. Dorian's wrist spurs get an absolute workout, stabbing them through eye sockets and slashing achilles tendons while Iskander basically spins in a big circle murdering people.
- The final two fall to their knees and surrender! Their names are Jonathan Toast and Samantha Bread, and become questionably loyal porters. Samantha seems rather taken with Iskander... or she's just high as fuck.
- They loot the corpses of their new porters' former compatriots and find some pain blade poison and a Confusion Bomb!
--- Bosnians
- Since they've got guides now, they discover that they could skip all the way to the final zone! Since it's just the two of them, they decide to take a detour into a Gold Zone which has an actual specific map.
- A long corridor ends in a huge brass-bound gate with a broken lock, guarded by two very slavic men in knightly armour. Their faith is Enlightened, and thus they consider Iskander's Intergalacticism faith to be heretical.
- Iskander shanks one with a fish.
- It is discovered that Iskander actually speaks Croatian due to his Croatian grandmother, so he can understand these Bosnians quite well. Some time is spent looking up Croatian swearwords. Also it turns out that in this fictional game universe Bosnians have a mutual hatred with the Croats.. apparently irl they both hate the Serbs but that's by the by.
- Since they've got guides now, they discover that they could skip all the way to the final zone! Since it's just the two of them, they decide to take a detour into a Gold Zone which has an actual specific map.
- A long corridor ends in a huge brass-bound gate with a broken lock, guarded by two very slavic men in knightly armour. Their faith is Enlightened, and thus they consider Iskander's Intergalacticism faith to be heretical.
- Iskander shanks one with a fish.
- It is discovered that Iskander actually speaks Croatian due to his Croatian grandmother, so he can understand these Bosnians quite well. Some time is spent looking up Croatian swearwords. Also it turns out that in this fictional game universe Bosnians have a mutual hatred with the Croats.. apparently irl they both hate the Serbs but that's by the by.
- Iskander's Croatian-swearword-powered swing demolishes the holy armour of one of these guys, even while they have the Backstab-boosting faith bonus of Dispater in zenith. Dorian follows up with his wrist-spurs, fumbles, cracks a spur, and hits the other!
- Killing one, he turns to the other who is about to cry out for help! Dorian is too swift though, clapping his hand over the man's mouth while Iskander sinks his blood-drinking fish into his belly.
- Killing one, he turns to the other who is about to cry out for help! Dorian is too swift though, clapping his hand over the man's mouth while Iskander sinks his blood-drinking fish into his belly.
- Dorian takes the armour from one of the guys while Iskander loots the flag of Bosnia & Herzegovina from the other.
- They pass through the gate and a strange energy washes over their psyches...
- They pass through the gate and a strange energy washes over their psyches...
--- Dream Paintings
- They pass through the grand entrance hall, Dorian proclaiming that it will be a good palace for him. He boots open some double doors and enters a gallery, Iskander impishly following behind.
- They pass through the grand entrance hall, Dorian proclaiming that it will be a good palace for him. He boots open some double doors and enters a gallery, Iskander impishly following behind.
- The paintings shimmer holographically, and Dorian tries one that has a unicorn sleeping with ladies around it.
- Dorian has replaced one of the ladies! He is now in the dream-world, and jumps onto the back of the unicorn. He knows that the Turk yearns in his heart for Constantinople, and rides off into the distance on unicorn-back to assist in its defence!
- Iskander, meanwhile, enters a painting that depicts Bosnian Achilles locked in a duel with Croat Hector, Constantinople burning under the barrage of Ottoman bombards! He helps Hector win the duel, and turns to see the Samantha Bread, she of the face that launched a thousand ships, looking at him in open awe.
- Distantly, the sparkling flank of Dorian's unicorn leaps clean over the parapets of Constantinople and into Mehmed II's honour guard... the great city shall not fall yet!
- We leave the characters conveniently in the dream world, giving whoever shows up next week ample time to arrive...
- We leave the characters conveniently in the dream world, giving whoever shows up next week ample time to arrive...
Total: 8000 exp
Treasure Collected:
- 770 obols in red velvet bags (770 exp)
- A Confusion Bomb
- Blade Poison - Pain
- Bosnian Flag
- A Confusion Bomb
- Blade Poison - Pain
- Bosnian Flag
- Heavy Armour
Total: 770 exp
Foes Defeated:
- The Anal Fisher (5 exp)
- A bunch of 2D redcaps (300 exp)
- A gang of ergotic crazies (250 exp)
- Two holy knights (200 exp)
- A bunch of 2D redcaps (300 exp)
- A gang of ergotic crazies (250 exp)
- Two holy knights (200 exp)
- Imaginary Bosnian Achilles
- Potentially countless imaginary Turks
- Potentially countless imaginary Turks
Total: 755 exp
Totals:
- Ollie / Iskander Fullbeard, Level 6 Fighter: 55444 (Level up at 64000)
- Kitty / Dorian "Ditto" DeMone, Level 4 Inheritor: 17017 (Level up at 18000)
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